A blonde colors her hair red and moves countryside

She meets a farmer and challenges him: "If I can guess your profession, I get your dog for free."
The farmer agrees.
The blonde declares that he is a farmer, and wins the bet.
As she's stuffing the animal into the trunk of her Fiat, the farmer says: "if I can guess your real hair color, ca...

My least favorite color is purple.

I hate it more than red and blue combined.

A husband buys a dozen panties of the same color for his wife.

His wife protests:"Why all the same color, people will think I dont change my panties."

Husband asks:"Which people?"

A black guy in an library asked me where the colored printer was

I said "Sir, this is 2020. You can use any printer you want".

Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change color?

He had a reptile dysfunction.

How does a color laugh?

Hue hue hue hue hue hue hue hue

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm attracted to women of all colors

Diversititty

What was Helen Keller's favorite color?

Corduroy

The color of the upvote is red, that’s why it’s called Reddit

*just a joke no need to get aggressive*

What color is a window?

Well, the answer's pretty clear.

I thought I was dreaming in color last night.

But it was just a pigment of my imagination.

I drank a bottle of food coloring.

I dyed a little on the inside.

I was forced to swallow purple food color.

I feel violated.

So i told a colorful joke to a guy who has seizures

I guess the joke was too good he died laughing

Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors?

Easy.


Batman doesn't want to get shot.

Have you heard of the new color changing super hero?

Yea, people call him the Hue-Man

I'm so damn happy and excited I've discovered a new color!

No words can describe this!

What do you have when you get an infection from coloring?

The Crayonovirus.

What's it called when a blonde colors their hair?

Artificial intelligence

When I close my eyes, I always see the color green.

Probably just a pigment of my imagination.

For 30 years I’ve made tools employing a chamber with a colored liquid and an air bubble, used to determine if a surface is perfectly horizontal. My wife says that’s not a career and that I’m a joke.

Yeah, well this joke has worked on so many levels.

My cousin has dark hair. His wife is blonde. All four of their kids have light colored hair.

Genetically speaking, there's a 15 in 16 chance that she's cheating.

I have a remarkable ability to see numbers as rainbow colors

But I can only count to seven

Why does Iceland have such a revered and colorful ground?

Because the flora lichen it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are...

you have small boobs....

My teacher said to use the colors green, yellow, and pink in a sentence

The first student said "my favorite colors are green, yellow, and pink."

The second student said "The grass is green, the sun is yellow, and my shirt it pink."

Finally, a Mexican kid piped up and said "when my phone goes green green, I pink it up and say yellow."

What’s it called when a chameleon can’t change its colors anymore?

A reptile dysfunction!

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.


The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

I recently discovered I am color blind

It came out of the purple

A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his paperwork.

The poor man dyed a loan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bud and the Politician

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy,...

An American patriot told me, “These colors don’t run.”

Well actually yes they do. Faster than anything else in the universe: the speed of light.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until

they are flashing behind you.

Have you ever wondered why Americans spell it, "Color" or "Neighbor" and Canadians spell it, "Colour" and "Neighbour"?

It's because America doesn't care about you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four Surgeons

Four surgeons sit around discussing their favorite patients.



The first surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order".



The second surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everythin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Surgeons

The first surgeon, from New York , says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."




The second, from Chicago , responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

<...

Choose a color, I’m taking a survey.

Reddit is, then

Every book is a coloring book if you hate librarians.

Credit: Mitch Hedberg (R.I.P)

Likely a reddit repost, but I’d never seen it before and thought it was funny. Maybe you will too.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Officer: Age?

Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 50 and 60. We don't do birthdays.

Officer: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

OFFICER : Weig...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."

"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #...

I have color blindness

That means I never lost game of UNO

I made a sideshow of guessing whether you're right or left handed just by asking your favorite color.

I'm very proud of my 90% success rate.

When I was a kid, my dad and I went to the zoo to see the birds.

I loved birds as a kid, and really wanted one as a pet. I would spend hours looking through picture books about birds, studying their plumage, learning all that I could. So when the day came that my dad took me to the zoo to see the bird enclosure, I was really excited.

I had read about the...

Three light-skinned gentlemen walked into a tanning salon

They were looking to get their tan. The owner of the salon were happy to recieve them and asked them what tans they wanted.

The first gentleman said he wanted a light tan, so the salon owner led him to a tanning bed that was colored caramel.

The second gentleman said he wanted a gold...

Ridding of the Brits

UK: Colour
US: Color

UK: Humour
US: Humor

UK: Armour
US: Armor

UK: What are you doing?
US: Getting rid of U

Why did the redneck get colored pencils before he got his flu shot?

He heard that vaccines can make you artistic.

Color vs Colour, Favorite vs Favourite, Neighbor vs Neighbour

British English: I think you're having problem understanding these words.
American English: no u

Why do we color Easter eggs?

Because Jesus dyed for your sins.

Happy Easter!

What color is a US dollar?

Mint green

What color were the skies over the Bahamas thus weekend?

Dorian Gray

Took my chameleon to the vet cause he stopped changing colors.

Doctor says he has a reptile disfunction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Young naive couple

A young naïve newlywed couple from rural China decided to move to America to start a new life with nothing but big dreams and the love for each other. They arrived at their new home in rural Minnesota, and although they were happy and still in love, the first couple of months were difficult. They ...

I got caught up far too late in a great book last night.

I was up coloring til after 2am.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was talking to a landscaper about his work the other day.

He told me: “Most of my work involves painting people’s lawns a different color. It’s some kind of new trend. I, personally, don’t get the appeal of having a pink lawn. Doesn’t make sense to me. But, I dye grass.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors. There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. ...

Why does the goldfish start fading to white?

Too much artifishal coloring.

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently...

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from avian flu. A bird pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely not av...

How do you spell the color that is an equal mix of white and black?

USA: Gray

Britain: Grey

Canada: Grehy

It’s really tough being a color blind person from Colorado

The only thing I see is “ado”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about Mary Popins

Mary Poppins, she stopped wearing lipstick when giving head.
Apparently the super color fragile lipstick makes the dicks atrocious.

Earlier this year I got a vasectomy

I thought it would stop me and my wife from having kids, but it just changed the color of our child.

Do not get one, they don't work.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[long] A guy is driving his brand new Ferrari down the streets

A guy is driving his brand new Ferrari down the streets, as he stops at a trafic light, he recognizes an old friend from high shcool driving a barely functionning Fiero. The guy can't resist making fun of his old classmate and his apparent bad luck with money.

*"Hey Mitch, it's been a long ti...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black man is talking to a white girl.

“Do you prefer knickers in bed?”

“I like people of all colors!”

“That’s not what I asked.”

People with synesthesia shouldn't usually get bothered when people swear a lot.

To them, everyone has colorful language.

A blonde walks into a shop...

...Do you sell colored TVs?

“Yes.” replies the shopkeeper.

Then give me a yellow one.

- Is white a color?

- Yes it is.

- Is black a color?

- Yes it is.

- That means I sold you a colored TV!

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

“Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why's the groom wearing black?"

Why don’t Americans spell “color” like “colour?”

It was their way of telling Great Britain that they don’t need u.

Harry Potter just released a new figure of its leading hero Mr. Scamander. But it isn’t very good the shirt is the wrong color, the scarf is too short, the nose is to long, and a bunch of other little things are wrong.

Did they really think I wouldn’t notice all these wrong My Newt details?

I'm thinking about opening a clothing store. Half the store will carry only traditional, colorful women's gowns from India, and the other half will carry everything else.

I'm going to call it Sari/Not-Sari.

What's red and tastes like blue food coloring?

Red food coloring.

Three men, exhausted from selling colored automobile wheels all day, decided to enter in a competition

Three men, exhausted from selling colored automobile wheels all day, decided to enter in a competition: who could render a knot out of a multi-colored suit-tie the fastest. They went on, waited in line, and eventually competed against each other, however in the end they all had the same time.
...

I'm going my laundry on Monday instead of Sunday. I have the day off that day because of Martin Luther King day.

In the spirit of the holiday, I am not going to separate my colors from my whites.

Why do leaves change color in Autumn?

Because instead of chlorophyll, they chloro-empty.

Green is definitely my favorite color

I like it far more than blue and yellow combined

A panda bear walks into a bar...

A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. The panda eats the sandwich, whips out a pistol, and shoots the waiter dead. As he is walking towards the exit, the bartender yells “HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING? YOU DIDNT PAY FOR THAT SANDWICH AND YOU JUST SHOT MY WAITER!”

The panda bear just...

How does Bono spell the word 'color'?

With or without U

Husband & Inspector

\- Husband : I lost my wife , she went shopping and hasn't come back yet .

\- Inspector : What is her height ?

\- Husband : I never checked .

\- Inspector : Slim or healthy ?

\- Husband : Not slim , can be healthy .

\- Inspector : Color of eyes ?

\- Husband ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the doctor because my testicles were turning a greenish-brown color

He said I have Hazelnuts.

Lately my comment karma has been so good, Reddit sent me an award featuring a colorful lizard.

It's a comment karma chameleon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a ventriloquist is on stage telling jokes at a local bar with his dummy on his leg. He asks if the audience wants to hear a blonde joke and the audience cheers with general enthusiasm...

“Ok” he starts, “how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?”

But before he can finish, a blonde woman from the audience stands up, outraged.

“How dare you! How dare you generalize us like that just based on our hair color!”

The ventriloquist apologizes profusely ex...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Marketing: lets create a fun and exciting cereal

**Executive:** okay... go on.

**Marketing:** it’ll have cool colors and fruity flavors...

**Executive:** omg yes

**Marketing:** and rabbits can fuck right off if they think they can have some!

What color is the letter M?

Pastel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is this African-American kid that goes to school and notices that the teachers treat the white kids better than the kids of color.

So he goes home and paints himself white and shows his dad. "Hey dad look im white!"

His dad kicks his ass, and says "Alright go show your mother."

The kid goes "Hey mom look im white!"

His mom beats the shit out of him then tells him to go show his grandma.

The kid aga...

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.

Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

“Olympic condoms?”, she blurts, “What makes them so special?”

“There are three colors”, he replies, “Gold, Silver and Bronze.”

“What color are you going to wear tonight?”, she asks cheekily.
“Gold of course...

My wife told me her dreams were in vivid, but weird colors.

I told her it was just a pigment of her imagination.

Brazillian

During his daily security briefing this morning, Trump was advised by an aide that three Brazilian peacekeepers had been killed in Iraq the day before.

To everyone's amazement, all of the color ran from Trump's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whim...

I took a Color blind test...

Damn optometrist thinks I didn’t realize she showed a bunch of green circles without numbers

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.