A blonde colors her hair red and moves countryside

She meets a farmer and challenges him: "If I can guess your profession, I get your dog for free."
The farmer agrees.
The blonde declares that he is a farmer, and wins the bet.
As she's stuffing the animal into the trunk of her Fiat, the farmer says: "if I can guess your real hair color, ca...

I dreamed I saw a color I never saw before

It was just a pigment of my imagination.

I was in the library one day, when a black friend of mine came in and asked if I knew where the color printer was.

I said "Buddy, it's the 21st century, you can use any printer you want."

Did you hear the one about the chameleon who couldn't change colors?

He had a reptile dysfunction

Why was the color green notoriously single?

It was always so jaded.

I've just been diagnosed as color blind

It really came out of the purple

My least favorite color is purple.

I hate it more than red and blue combined.

A husband buys a dozen panties of the same color for his wife.

His wife protests:"Why all the same color, people will think I dont change my panties."

Husband asks:"Which people?"

What color is the wind?

Blew.

If you “don’t see color”, unfriend me right now.......

..... and go see an eye doctor.

When I was little I drank all my mom's food coloring...

I dyed a little inside

I'm color blind and the other day I thought I could actually detect purple,

but it was just a pigment of my imagination.

I was thinking about coloring my hair today.

Today's a good day to dye.

I was laying in bed this morning, staring at my skin color when I realized:

I'm on the spectrum.

I got a vasectomy so my wife wouldn't get pregnant.

But apparently all it does is change the color of the baby

I was bragging that I knew the hex code for every color, but then I forgot the one for blue

Yea, that was a big 0000FF

Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors?

Easy.


Batman doesn't want to get shot.

Why do we color Easter eggs?

Because Jesus dyed for our sins.

Happy Easter!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear Marry Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head?

Apparently the super color fragile lipstick makes the dicks atrocious

A man walks into a bar and it’s empty – it’s just him and the bartender.

He sits down and orders a drink.

After a few seconds, he hears someone whisper, “Pssst… I like your tie.”

The man looks around but doesn’t see anyone.

“Pssst… that color looks nice on you.”

He asks the bartender, “Excuse me, but…are you speaking to me?”

The barte...

How does a color laugh?

Hue hue hue hue hue hue hue hue

My wife said she thinks she saw people with blue-colored skin

I told her "It's just a pigment of your imagination"

My wife accused me of being unsympathetic and not listening, so I bought her a GI Joe coloring book.

Now she'll always have a soldier to crayon.

What's Helen Keller's favorite color?

Corduroy.

My son told me he didn’t want to color anymore.

I asked him why, he says, “I don’t wanna get crayola virus”

I accidentally swallowed some food coloring last night.

I was dyeing inside

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"

The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"

He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.

"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"

"Hey lady," says the ...

Have you heard of the new color changing super hero?

Yea, people call him the Hue-Man

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken tothe hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked "Is my time up? "

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.She even had someone come in and change her hair color...

So i told a colorful joke to a guy who has seizures

I guess the joke was too good he died laughing

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Jack is a cowboy working on a large ranch in a remote pasture in Wyoming.

One day as he’s overseeing the livestock on the ranch a brand-new 7 Series BMW suddenly advances towards him creating an enormous cloud of dust in the process

The car stops and the driver is a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and YSL tie. He steps out of the car and...

Russian emergency !

Russian President Putin called President Trump with an emergency:

"Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried.

"My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"

"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within t...

The color of the upvote is red, that’s why it’s called Reddit

*just a joke no need to get aggressive*

What color is a window?

Well, the answer's pretty clear.

How does the blue man group get their color for a show?

Bluekakke

When I close my eyes, I always see the color green.

Probably just a pigment of my imagination.

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A fat businessman joins a gym... [NSFW]

As he emerges from the shower in the locker room one of the trainers notices him toweling off.

"You must be a new member here", the trainer says. "What caused you to join our gym?"

"Well," says the businessman, "I've been getting out of shape for so long, I realized one day that it's b...

A beautiful blond woman was driving down a curvy back country road in her pink Cadillac.

As she comes around a corner, she sees an extremely large rabbit lying dead in the middle of the road. It looked to be about three feet tall. The rabbit had a blue and pink vest on. On the ground next to the bunny was a large wicker basket, and strewn about the road was an abundance of candy, small ...

What's it called when a blonde colors their hair?

Artificial intelligence

What do you have when you get an infection from coloring?

The Crayonovirus.

My cousin has dark hair. His wife is blonde. All four of their kids have light colored hair.

Genetically speaking, there's a 15 in 16 chance that she's cheating.

I have a remarkable ability to see numbers as rainbow colors

But I can only count to seven

The Kansas Department of Transportation (KDOT) found over 450 dead crows on I-35 this past week, and there was concern that they may have died from the Coronavirus.

A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Coronavirus (COVID-19).

The cause of death was actually from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird'...

A redhead goes for a drive through the country..

A redhead goes for a drive through the country, just enjoying the peaceful ride with her windows open. She has to stop as a shepherd is moving his flock across the road. The redhead gets out of her car to stretch and has an idea.

"Hey Mister! If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I keep...

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A blonde woman wants to prove she is smart.

So she dyes her hair brunette and goes out for a challenge.
She finds a shepherd with a big herd,
and asks him if she can guess the number of sheep in the first try and if she guesses right she could keep one of the sheep.
The shepherd agrees. After a good look at the herd she thinks and te...

For 30 years I’ve made tools employing a chamber with a colored liquid and an air bubble, used to determine if a surface is perfectly horizontal. My wife says that’s not a career and that I’m a joke.

Yeah, well this joke has worked on so many levels.

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.


The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

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Little Johnny gets under the teachers skirt.

So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "okay, meet ...

Why is a rainbow the pride flags colors.

Because it’s the first thing you see when the sun comes out.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until

they are flashing behind you.

Why does Iceland have such a revered and colorful ground?

Because the flora lichen it.

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows."

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown."

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to ...

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If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are...

you have small boobs....

So all the animals gathered and having a party,

Everybody is drinking and talking and having a good time,
suddenly a chameleon get to the middle of the room, say "check this out" and start changing color of his skin for a minute straight.
Once he done he say "Lets see any of you do the same".
Suddenly octopus appear from the crowd and sa...

Bob is standing at the urinal in the men's room doing his business. Steve walks up a couple of spaces over from Bob and begins to do his business. Bob glances over and exclaims, "Wow, you're huge!!"

Steve kinda hangs his head and says, "Yeah, I know."

Bob says, "I'm sorry, I just never seen a guy as fat as you. When is the last time you seen your pecker?"

Steve replies, "It's been a long time."

Bob asks, "Why don't you diet?"

Steve says,"Why, what color is it now?"

A wife walks in on her husband screwing some woman and says " That's it! I'm leaving you, this is the final straw!"

The man jumps up & says " Hold on, let me explain!" She waits. He tells her this...

"I met this girl at the store & she was broke, dirty & hungry. So I brought her home to help her with what ever I could. I let her take a bath, but before she got in the bath, I thought about those...

A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his paperwork.

The poor man dyed a loan.

An American patriot told me, “These colors don’t run.”

Well actually yes they do. Faster than anything else in the universe: the speed of light.

Have you ever wondered why Americans spell it, "Color" or "Neighbor" and Canadians spell it, "Colour" and "Neighbour"?

It's because America doesn't care about you

I made a sideshow of guessing whether you're right or left handed just by asking your favorite color.

I'm very proud of my 90% success rate.

What’s the difference between a kink and police brutality?

The color of your skin.

The beverage company Nage decided to do something new.

In the tiny village of Mars, Kansas, a new themepark opened on the outskirts of town. Touted as the future of entertainment, the beverage company "Nage" decided to take all their leftover & recycled parts of their product, and turn them into hardened plastic materials to construct their attracti...

How Moral Are You?

This takes less than one minute and is incredibly accurate…well worth the little bit of effort I promise.

This test has only one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely and completely f...

An Irish lad just graduating school embarks on his career in business.

Found employment in a nice village. Being a bit of an introvert, took him a few months to venture into the local pub. Asked the bartender for 3 pints, and he took them back into a dark corner table, drank the 3 and left. After a few days, when he ordered his usual 3, the barkeep said "Ya know lad, I...

Rubix Cubes & Racism

Why are Americans so good at solving the Rubix Cube?



Because they're good at separating colors.

Choose a color, I’m taking a survey.

Reddit is, then

Color vs Colour, Favorite vs Favourite, Neighbor vs Neighbour

British English: I think you're having problem understanding these words.
American English: no u

Ferrari hires some new employees

On Tuesday, Ferrari handed over the final pay-outs to its entire depot team and hired a group of young unemployed Somali men living near a road known as the Mogadishu area of ​​Helsinki. Ferrari's management team made its decision after seeing a document showing how these young people from Helsinki...

Every book is a coloring book if you hate librarians.

Credit: Mitch Hedberg (R.I.P)

The pencil sharpeners at my school are racist.

They have signs next to them that say “No Colored Pencils”.

Noah's Ark

"How does my new toupee look?" Noah asks his family. "Honest opinions only."

His son says, "It looks great, Dad!"

His wife says, "It looks totally realistic!"

His uncle says, "It looks like something crawled up and died there."

Lo and behold, Noah throws his uncle over th...

Why did the redneck get colored pencils before he got his flu shot?

He heard that vaccines can make you artistic.

I have color blindness

That means I never lost game of UNO

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."

"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #...

Took my chameleon to the vet cause he stopped changing colors.

Doctor says he has a reptile disfunction.

A holy man was feeling distraught one morning, so he sat alone in his church praying to God for guidance...[long]

The Good Reverend had been giving into indulgence far too often lately; drinking wine, his Tuesday night Poker games, and sneaking peeks at those unmentionable places on the Interwebs.

It had started innocently enough, but the priest was getting carried away and the guilt was finally getting ...

Due to the quarantine I have finished 3 books.

Yes, I know, that’s a LOT of coloring.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An interview to a marriage who never had a fight in almost 70 years

~ And why have you never had a fight in your marriage?

-It all started when we were getting married, we made the vows, we kissed and then we finished the wedding, then we went to a carriage on the way to our house for our honeymoon and the horse was a beautiful white color.

After wal...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young punker gets on a cross-town bus.

He's got spiked, multi-colored hair that's green, purple and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his ear-rings are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat, d...

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.

"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."
...

So one day a guy walks in a bar

and sits next to his friends, after a few drinks he needs to go to the bathroom and he goes for the urinal next to an african-american man, when he was finishing he sees the other man's thing and asks: "how do you guys get it that big ?" to which the man replys: " we hit it to concrete everyday " wi...

I was looking for maroon spray paint but couldn’t find it

True story:

Years ago I was looking for maroon spray paint but couldn’t find it. I asked the hardware store employee if they had any. She’d never heard of maroon before.

“You’re making that up,” she said.

I replied, “Yeah, it’s a pigment of my machinations.”

In retrospe...

What color is a US dollar?

Mint green

What color were the skies over the Bahamas thus weekend?

Dorian Gray

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Blondes have worth too

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?”

Flustered, ...

Four surgeons are discussing about who they like to operate on.

The first one says “I like to operate on librarians. When you open them up, everything is sorted alphabetically”

The second one says “I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is numbered and organized”

The third one says “I like operating on electricians. When...

Why don’t Americans spell “color” like “colour?”

It was their way of telling Great Britain that they don’t need u.

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