What do the colors green, pink, and yellow have in common with a phone?

The phone rings green....green.....green, so you pink it up and say yellow.

What is yellow in color that you shouldn’t try to drink?

A school bus.

What’s a black cat’s favorite color?

Purr-ple.
I’ll see myself out now.

I accidentally swallowed some food coloring...

The doctor says I'm ok, but I feel like I'm dyeing inside.

They always told me to put 5 colors on my plate to stay healthy.

So how did I get diabetes on my M&M only diet?

What color is the wind?

Blew

Today I thought of a color that doesn't exist...

but then I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.

Why does Batman only wear dark colors?

Easy. Batman doesn’t want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors?

Easy.

Batman doesn’t want to get shot

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Yknow if a guy remembers your eye color after the first date, chances are you’ve got

small tits

I went to the ophthalmologist to treat my color blindless.

But they treated me so poorly I saw grey all the way home.

Every time I drink food coloring,

I dye a little on the inside.

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What’s the difference between this joke and a nudist soaked in food coloring?

One is nude in dye and the other died in new.

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An actor rehearsing on stage was going on and on about the colors "No, THIS is where you illuminate the stage with sunflower yellow, and HERE is when you fade to chartreuse!" he said, tapping emphatically on the manuscript. Opening day came, and the actor found himself now fully and completely in

The lemon-limelight

I just found out the news that I'm color blind

I was surprised. It came completely out of the green.

Went to the doctor the other day after drinking a gallon of food coloring

I was peeing all these funny colors. He diagnosed me with a case of "dye urea".

I am really sad because my pet chameleon won’t change colors

I think he has ereptile dysfunction

What do you call the french flag without any color?

Still the french flag

It's funny how the colors Red, White, and Blue represent freedom.

Until they're flashing behind your car

In breaking news, Trump’s personal library has burned down.

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn’t even finished coloring the second one.

How do colors laugh?

Hue Hue Hue

A Catholic, a woman of color, a doctor, a Jew, and a rescue dog walk into the White House...

This is where the joke already left.

"Which color is tribute to communism?"

"Red is tribute."

If a chameleon can't change color

Does that mean it has reptile dysfunction?

Someone colored all over the southeast part of my world map

That was just downright rude!

Did you hear about the guy who passed away because he consumed too much food coloring?

He dyed.

Purple is my least favourite color

I hate it much as red and blue combined.

Regardless of skin color, nationality, or religion, as a species, we are all meant to be friends and brothers

After all, we are *homie sapiens*

Science Trivia: What's it called when you see colors in the air that aren't actually there?

A pigment of your imagination

What’s it called when a chameleon can’t change its colors anymore?

A reptile dysfunction.

A black guy in an library asked me where the colored printer was

I said "Sir, this is 2020. You can use any printer you want".

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Heard the body paint store now has some color mixes named after emotions

Well, color me surprised!

also English is not my first language and I am really proud of that shitty joke

A blonde colors her hair red and moves countryside

She meets a farmer and challenges him: "If I can guess your profession, I get your dog for free."
The farmer agrees.
The blonde declares that he is a farmer, and wins the bet.
As she's stuffing the animal into the trunk of her Fiat, the farmer says: "if I can guess your real hair color, ca...

An American is typing on a computer when he flies into a rage, shouting "How the hell am I misspelling color"?

A Canadian takes a quick look at the screen before rolling his eyes and walking away, saying "that sounds like a you problem".

The largest condom factory in the States burned down.

President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite 4th of July joke: Do you know why Americans spell color, humor, and behavior that way they do?

"Because fuck u that's why."

-- George Washington, Revolutionary War

What color was the wet fart?

Shart-treuse

Olympic Condoms. (NSFW)

A man was shopping in a nearby supermarket when he noticed a package that said ‟Olympic Condoms”.He bought it, and told his wife about it.



‟ - Olympic Condoms? What's so special about them?”



‟ - They have 3 colors: Gold, Silver and Bronze.”



‟ - And what ...

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the Catholic Church, Priests of any race, color or ethnic origin are disallowed from sexual intercourse

Celibate Diversity

I keep thinking that there's a color between blue and green, but there isn't

It's a pigment of my imagination.

Just saw a color at the paint store called "Thot".

It's not too bright but it spreads easily.

What do you call an upvote that changes colors ?

A karma chameleon

What do diarrhea and hair color have in common?

They both run in your genes.

A husband buys a dozen panties of the same color for his wife.

His wife protests:"Why all the same color, people will think I dont change my panties."

Husband asks:"Which people?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It has actually been confirmed in a recent Batman comic that Robin's dick has no color at all.

Dick gray, son!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black man walks into a restaurant..

There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."

The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."

The black man smiles, looks at the white m...

Don't trust someone who disrespects Old Glory by coloring in the white stripes

That's just a big red flag

My doctor told me that getting a vasectomy would prevent my wife from getting pregnant.

Actually, it just changes the color of the baby.

A Hasidic man, with a long beard, payis, a kaftan (long black coat), and shtreiml (the traditional fur hat), walks into a bar with a multi-colored parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender says: "Where'd you get that?"

The parrot replies: "Brooklyn. There's thousands of them."

I was in the library one day, when a black friend of mine came in and asked if I knew where the color printer was.

I said "Buddy, it's the 21st century, you can use any printer you want."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The purple flower joke. (Very long)

Once there was a boy in 5th grade, and he really liked this girl (simp) and he knew that she liked the color purple.

So one day during recess he found these purple flowers and decided to make his move on the girl, so he walked up to her (with the flowers) and said "You are my purple flower" a...

The two quotes that shows a person's true colors:

"It's just a game."

"Sir/Ma'am we ask u to wear ur mask."

Why do Americans spell it as "color", when it is spelt "colour" everywhere else?

Because the Americans don't care about "U".

My friend likes to make off-color jokes about environmental disasters, like the Exxon Valdez and the Deepwater Horizon accidents.

He's so crude.

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Little Johnny

So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she's absolutely sure she'll win it.

One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says ‟teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is.”

She replies,...

Why are racists so good at solving rubik's cubes?

Cuz they looooove seperating colors.

Why was the color green notoriously single?

It was always so jaded.

The sky had a rainbow color to it today.

I guess the sun's coming out.

Two Priests decided to go to Goa on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as Priests......

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach
dressed in their 'tourist' garb.

They were sitting on the beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the ...

I'm color blind and the other day I thought I could actually detect purple,

but it was just a pigment of my imagination.

I've just been diagnosed as color blind

It really came out of the purple

I was looking for a way to make the sky more colorful.

And I discovered, fire works

I got a vasectomy but my gf still got pregnant.

Apparently, all a vasectomy does is change the color of the baby.

I was thinking about coloring my hair today.

Today's a good day to dye.

I was bragging that I knew the hex code for every color, but then I forgot the one for blue

Yea, that was a big 0000FF

The color of the upvote is red, that’s why it’s called Reddit

*just a joke no need to get aggressive*

Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.

Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.

I heard Joe Biden was gonna get the same intelligence briefing Trump gets everyday for the first time tomorrow.

Does the coloring book come with crayons?

Not Another Blonde Joke

There once was a blonde woman who was tired of everyone making fun of her for being a “dumb blonde”.

She went to the hairdresser and had her hair dyed brunette.

On her way home, she was driving past a field full of sheep. She got excited and stopped to pet a sheep. She walked up to t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Help, my wife is missing!!!

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over 170 centermeters tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on the lap.....

He’s telling a dumb blonde joke when a young platinum haired beauty jumps to feet, “what gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?”she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?”

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer an apology

“You ke...

Attitude Adjustment

For her birthday, Jane received a fully-grown parrot as a gift. It was a brilliantly colored, with plumes of emerald green, sunset orange, ocean blue, and ruby red. But the parrot had a vocabulary worse than a sailor's. Every other word was profanity; those that weren't profanity were, to say the le...

If you “don’t see color”, unfriend me right now.......

..... and go see an eye doctor.

I was laying in bed this morning, staring at my skin color when I realized:

I'm on the spectrum.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Barack Obama?

One gets made fun of for the color of his skin, and the other is Barack Obama!

A man walks into a bar and it’s empty – it’s just him and the bartender.

He sits down and orders a drink.

After a few seconds, he hears someone whisper, “Pssst… I like your tie.”

The man looks around but doesn’t see anyone.

“Pssst… that color looks nice on you.”

He asks the bartender, “Excuse me, but…are you speaking to me?”

The barte...

US law enforcement is like Clorox bleach...

Safe for whites, but tough on colors.

A wife finds a bathtub on her kitchen table.

A wife comes home and finds her husband sitting next to a new bathtub on the kitchen table. Shocked, she asks him where it came from.

“Well,” he says. “I went out today to pick up some tiles for our bathroom. So, I walked around the store, looking for the perfect color, when I saw the perfec...

There's a country where all cars are required by law to be rose-colored.

It's a pink car nation.

I just took a test to see how good my Jackson Pollock impression is.

I passed with flying colors.

Amber Alert keeps on calling my phone

I really don't need to know the color of my car.

What's Helen Keller's favorite color?

Corduroy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A ventriloquist was performing in a club telling dumb blonde jokes...

With his dummy on his knee, he begins his usual routine of dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blond woman in the audience stands on her chair and starts shouting,"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women like that?What does the color of a person's hair...

My wife accused me of being unsympathetic and not listening, so I bought her a GI Joe coloring book.

Now she'll always have a soldier to crayon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear Marry Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head?

Apparently the super color fragile lipstick makes the dicks atrocious

The war was on, both sides prepared very well

There were spectators; Some said that white is better while the other said that black is better. You aren't allowed to kill soldiers of your own color, soldiers who left from their home aren't allowed to come back. The war is fought without technology but animals. Though some people still cheat with...

How many steps? - Add questions if you have something similar.

* How many steps does it take to put an elephant in the fridge?
* Three: open the fridge, put the elephant in, close the fridge.
* How many steps does it take to put a giraffe in the fridge?
* Four: open the fridge, get the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the fridge.
* All the an...

Why do we color Easter eggs?

Because Jesus dyed for our sins.

Happy Easter!

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I’d like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman. “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, “I’d like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied again.

She went home and got a haircut and new color, a new outfit, big sunglasses and a big hat. She then waited a few days before s...

A man is wandering the dessert, having lost his way, when he comes across a friendly looking salesman with a suitcase.

'Good day to you, good sir', the salesman greets him.
'Water, please!' is all the man manages to say through his sore throat.

'Oh, I'm afraid I don't have any water on me. But I can offer you one of these stylish ties.' With that he opens his suitcase and presents a collection of colored t...

If Ice Cream Required a Prescription

Each scoop would cost $300 negotiated down to a mere $50.

It would only be available at the pharmacy across town.

You would have to buy 200 pounds at a shot and store it on your own.

There would only be one flavor, black licorice.

It'll take 20 years for a generic ice...

My wife said she thinks she saw people with blue-colored skin

I told her "It's just a pigment of your imagination"

Have you heard of the new color changing super hero?

Yea, people call him the Hue-Man

My son told me he didn’t want to color anymore.

I asked him why, he says, “I don’t wanna get crayola virus”

When I close my eyes, I always see the color green.

Probably just a pigment of my imagination.

anti crocodile substances

a man was pouring colored water every day on the streets of his town

one day his neigbhour called the police because he was pouring suspicious liquids on the streets

when the police came they asked the man:" what are you pouring on the streets? "

the guy said: "i was pouring ant...

Our Math teacher gave us a tough question to answer.

"John was born with four different skin colors, what is the total percentage for each skin colors?"

I failed since i answered " foreskin %"

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.


The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

I ate some rainbow candy that I was a little concerned about;

I'm okay now; it passed with flying colors

My cousin has dark hair. His wife is blonde. All four of their kids have light colored hair.

Genetically speaking, there's a 15 in 16 chance that she's cheating.

So i told a colorful joke to a guy who has seizures

I guess the joke was too good he died laughing

I'm colorblind.

The only colors I can see are red, blue, and green.

A man said "My wife and I know everything about each other! We have the perfect relationship!"

His co-worker then replied "Well, what are the color of her eyes?"

The man, who never paid attention to his wifes eye colour, after work went home to see the colour of this wifes eyes.

Upon entering his bedroom, he saw his wife sitting on the bed, staring at him with her eyes wide ope...

Color vs Colour, Favorite vs Favourite, Neighbor vs Neighbour

British English: I think you're having problem understanding these words.
American English: no u

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Four Balconies- NSFW

There was an apt building with 4 balconies. On the bottom one there was a guy that loved to eat pickles every day out there. On the balcony above him was an eccentric painter that was obsessed with the color green and if anything, even a leaf flew by, he'd grab it and paint it green. On the 3rd balc...

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