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There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom.

There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom. One day, while she was browsing through a shop on her own, she spotted a really beautiful doll. It would make a perfect addition to her collection. She only hoped she had enough money to buy it.

...

My grandfather died and I inherited some of his clothes.

He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.

For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens o...

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one.

He's never gonna give you UP.

I am suspicious that someone in my family has been secretly adding glue to my weapons collection.

Everyone denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks, "First offender?"

Woman responds, "No, Your Honor. First a Gibson, then a Fender."

I just heard this one, so sorry if it's a repeat.

I tried to publish my collection of short stories.

But the publisher said it wasn't exactly a novel idea.

What do you call a collection of information about oceanic predators?

Sharkives.

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porno_collection.zip

\* sigh \* *unzips*

I almost completed my collection of herbs and spices today!

But i didn't have the thyme.

A friend lent me his movie collection...

I thought of watching Yesterday today, then 28 Days Later. Then I could watch The Day After Tomorrow, though that might be better tomorrow. I'd like to finish before sunrise. I haven't finished Before Sunrise, and I haven't seen Me Before You before, but I think I won't watch it; I'll watch It inste...

Someone broke into my house and stole my Dusty Springfield collection.

I just don't know what to do with myself.

When I die, I’m leaving my vintage meme collection to my son.

My will will simply say “you’re the man now, dog”

What do you call an instigated collection of instruments?

An inclination of 1080p music

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Here's a collection of the best/worst dad jokes I know.

"When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down."

"Why are skeletons always so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin."

"What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care."

"Why can't T rexes clap their hands...

I got home after a stressful and demotivating day to find my wife moving my whisky collection up to a high shelf.

I can always rely on her to lift my spirits.

How do churches split the collections?

A man goes to a Catholic church and says to the priest "Father, I was wondering, how do you decide how much of each collection goes to God and how much goes to you?" and the priest says "Come come, I'll show you." So the priest draws a circle on the ground and says "I throw the collection up in the...

Someone tried to steal my dyslexia music collection

I nearly lost my hits

I got my wife a nice collection of themed gifts for our anniversary

I just need to figure out how to present them

The beastie boys have released a 5 part greatest hits collection.

Parts A, B, C and D are pretty easy to get.
But you have to Fight for your right to Part E.....

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Holocaust Jokes Collection

Why did Hitler kill himself?

\- He got the gas bill

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Where was the highest concentration of Jews after world war 2?

\- The atmosphere

\--------------------------------------------------------------
<...

A small collection of my favorite science jokes

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”

“For you, sir, no charge!”

&nbsp;

What's 2 times 2?

Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”

Mathematician: “After some consideration ...

A man meets a beautiful woman in a bar.

They talk, they really hit it off, they end up leaving together.


They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment. He notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on...

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Donald Trump built a house of cards out of his Magic the Gathering collection.

It was a little house, but it had multiple floors, and was even sturdy enough for a sitting room on the second floor. Donald loved to go up there and draw in his coloring books. One day he thought something might be wrong with it, which frustrated him, since he had worked so hard on it. Angrily, he ...

A little collection of children's unintentional quick wittyness.

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA : Here it is.

TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS : Maria.
____________________________
TEACHER : John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN : Yo...

My girlfriend just dumped me because of my superman comic collection.

She said I have too many issues.

Collection of joke that were retold countless times when I was younger.

A plane carrying bricks was flying northeast over a jungle when a brick fell out. Which direction did the brick fell in?

- Down.

&nbsp;

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

- Open the fridge.

- Put elephant in.

- Close the fridge.

&nbsp;...

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A garbage man is doing his collections....

..... he sees that one house has not put their bin out front. He checks down the side of the house, it's not there, so he knocks at the front door. No answer, so he rings the bell, still no answer. He knocks one last time, waits and finally starts walking back down the path towards the street. But t...

Collection of my favorite Latvian Jokes.

* Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have gone Siberia! “More bread for me,” man think. But bread have worm.

* Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already rape by sold...

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What do you call a Vietnamese woman who has a huge collection of letters?

A mail hoarder bride. I'll see myself out.

My girlfriend asked if I was sad that I had to give up my bird collection...

I told her I have no egrets.

my friend has a model fish collection

they are all to scale

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A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday.

Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more.

"And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked. 

"It's very simple. First you turn up the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then preach in a monotone...

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What do you call an alcoholic with an extensive belt collection?

My fucking father.

Trump has a new collection of neckwear coming out

Russian Mob Ties

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A collection of OC jokes!

Well I hope they're funny, anyway. The past few months I've been writing down anything that seems vaguely amusing to me. I imagine that some of them might be already-existing jokes without knowing it, but I hope you enjoy!

* I was offered a job studying fog but I turned it down. In hindsight,...

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A collection of lightbulb jokes

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Just Juan

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Two. One to hold the lightbulb and one to drink until the room spins.

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Just two but who knows how the...

Teddy Bears

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect. They end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.



There are three shelves in the be...

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TIL that Melvil Dewey, inventor of the Dewey Decimal system for organizing library collections, was known to be a serial sexual harasser.

Someone really should've put him in his place.

I should have broken up with my boyfriend when he showed me his collection of Soviet memorabilia...

I mean, the red flags were right there in front of me.

A man inherits a priceless coin collection...

from his deceased grandfather. One day a friend of the grandfather sees the grandson and asks him about the collection.

"Oh that? None of those coins worked in the laundromat, so I swapped each one of them for a shiny new coin at the bank." The grandson replies.

"You did what?!" The ol...

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Can you please tell me a rough value of your book collection?

Of course, $4600, you motherfucker

What do you call a collection of songs to hike to?

Trail mix.

A collection of Radio Yerevan jokes

Radio Yerevan jokes were basically a pre-internet meme here in the former Eastern Bloc, which follow a simple QnA format and were often political, and here's a few of my favorites:

---

Radio Yerevan was asked: Is it true that there is freedom of speech in the Soviet Union in the same w...

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My Job Application for McDonalds

NAME: Kicky Pie   

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a yea...

My collection of cemetery jokes

Say them as fast as possible whenever passing a cemetery.

How many people are dead in the cemetery?
All of them.

Why is the cemetery so popular?
People are dying to get in it.

Why is the cemetery so loud?
All the coffin.

Take them with you, share them, enjoy them...

Why couldn't the geologist part with her rock collection?

It was sedimental.

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My collection of elephant jokes

**Q: Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?**

A: Because they're *really* good at it

**Q: Why should you never walk in the jungle between five and six?**

A: Because that's when the elephants get out of the trees.

**Q: Why are there pygmies in the jungle?**
...

I love my guitar collection....

but one of the guitars is a bit different from the rest, I think he's a bit acoustic.

My collection of Swiss watches was stolen in Spain.

Adios Omegas.

Why did the gymnast's account get sent to collections?

She had an outstanding balance.

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I found a large collection of /r/jokes and I copied the best ones. The first 10 are great but the last one is fucking gold...

01) great

02) great

03) great

04) great

05) great

06) great

07) great

08) great

09) great

10) great

11) fucking gold

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An avid art collector wanted to add a new piece to his collection...

So he want to an artist's gallery and asked "my good sir, could you paint me a picture depicting Adolf Hitler's last thought?" After a few minutes of thinking the artist said "certainly. Come back in a week and I'll have it ready for you.

So a week layer the collector returns and meets the a...

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A collection of jokes I created when I was 11. Prepare for the wittiest jokes you will ever hear.

Patient: Doctor, Doctor! I've had an accident!
Doctor: The restrooms are down the hall.

What did the old tornado use to walk?
A hurri-cane!

What's the strongest shellfish?
A mussel!

What kind of fish do you find in a mine?
A goldfish!

Why did the puck ...

My friend told me that he had a collection of small amphibians of the subfamily Pleurodelinae.

That's newts to me.

A Collection of "What do you Call"s

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No Ideer!
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
*Still* no Ideer!
. . .
What do you call an elephant mixed with a rhinoceros?
Elephino, but let's get away from that huge thing!
. . .
If you need explaining, ask...

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Running out of space for your porn collection?

Just download midget porn, it's half the size

What do you call Venus Williams' collection of Pokemon?

The 'mons of Venus.

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A collection of racist jokes

**THESE ARE OFFENSIVE, GET OVER IT!**

What's white on top and black on the bottom?

Society.

----------------------------

My grandfather died an a concentration camp...

He fell of a guard tower.

----------------------------

What do you do If you see te...

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Happy Shabbos Y'all: Small Collection of Jewish Jokes

Schwartz is sitting in his room, wearing only a top hat, when Steinberg strols in.

“Why are you sitting here naked?”

“It’s all right,” says Schwartz. “Nobody comes to visit.”

“But why the hat?”

“Maybe somebody will come.”

---------

The census taker comes to ...

A mafia family was in need of a collection officer;

...After screening many applicants, they hired an individual who happened to be deaf.
He was very good at what he did, and within a week he had collected $40,000 from nonpayers. However, he was greedy and hide the money for himself.

It didn't take long for the mafia bosses to catch on, so ...

The Compost Heap

I was raised in a fairly hippy-ish town. The kind of place that was always looking to do something ecologically friendly in the days before the internet made it easy to share tips and tricks on how to cut down your carbon footprint.

One of the things they did was expand the recycling collect...

What's the difference between a collection and an addiction?

I don't have an alcohol collection.

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A collection of lawyer jokes.

My grandfather was a lawyer & judge and had a fantastic sense of humor. He has many humorous law books, and the following are some his favorite selections from Larry Wilde's book *The Ultimate Lawyers Joke Book*. Hope you enjoy..

___________________________________________________________...

A man's wife threw out his LEGO collection dating back to the 1970's.

She leaves him soon after. His son gathers a group of his friends to look around the house to cheer him up. . Soon the whole neighborhood joins in the effort. His father comes home and immediately panics.
"Son, what are all these people doing here?"
His son replies "We got some. but we're go...

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My Collection of Cow Jokes

Q: What do you call a cow with only two legs?

A: Lean Beef

*****

Q: What do you call a cow with only one leg?

A: Steak

*****


Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?

A: Ground Beef

*****


Q: What do you call a young famous redneck...

What'd they call that place with the collection of escape artist memorabilia?

now museum, now you don't

A collection of puns in one text.

[Context: Friend borrowed a great book by Yahtzee Croshaw, "Jam"]

Friend: I'm liking Jam a lot.

Me: Sweet. Glad you got absorbed in it. It's a berry good book. So many sticky situations for the seed of character development.

Friend: *turns off phone*

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An old joke I heard from a friend of mine..

Once there was a millionaire who had a collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at the back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.

One day, he decides to throw a huge party. During the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposit...

A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season.

He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove.

He decided he would set up a Christmas light display like he'd heard about others doing. It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventual...

What do you call a fashion designer, who is not yet sure about his new collection?

Tommy Hilfigeritout

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