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Darth Vader walks into his local record shop and asks for a copy of George Michael's debut solo album

The guy behind the counter says "I'm sorry, it's out of stock."

Darth Vader shakes his head and says "I find your lack of Faith disturbing..."

To the person who stole my Microsoft Office copy

I’ll get it back, you have my Word

Google announces new usage of an old tool: sending vital organs for surgery via landlines. The organ at the other end will be a working copy of the original, giving an unprecedented supply of life-saving organs to families in need.

They're calling it "The Fax of Life."

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

I will find you; you have my Word. You’ve taken my one only good Outlook in life. Seriously though, how did you gain Access & why did you only leave OneNote?

A woman was told to send a facsimile copy of their child’s medical records to a specialist when their child fell very ill.

She didn’t deliver, the child died, turns out she was anti-fax.

A teacher is trying to persuade the kids to buy a copy of the class' group picture:

“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.”

A small voice at the back of the room rang out: “And there’s our teacher, she’s dead.”

I noticed my friend had a copy of The Encyclopedia Britannica...

...I thought that explains a lot.

A woman made a 20¢ copy at my library and paid with a quarter, but told me to keep the change.

"Nobody wants nickel back."

A group of monks are responsible for hand-making new copies of the bible...

The entire monastery is devoted to the task, each day they all wake up and say their prayers before a humble breakfast and then they begin work. On the anniversary of creating his thousandth copy of the bible since he first joined the monastery two decades ago, brother Gray asks the abbot if he coul...

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cool funny jokes that i can copy and paste on to reddit

wait this isn't google



shit

I went to the library looking for a copy of the Kama sutra...

I couldn't find it. So I complained to the librarian.
They Replied "Ah that's cause it's in a different position every week"

Copy-editing is a very stressful line of work

Every time one of us misses a period, we get really nervous.

Tonight, I’m uploading an illegal copy of Microsoft Office for anybody to access

Just wait until Word gets out...




I know this is a terrible joke, but it just came to me and I had to get it out of my system. Thank you, Reddit.

Hey can I copy your report like I copied your math paper?

No. And you should do you own work.

"Yeah and you should get a tutor cause I got a C"

Wait... You got a C? But I got a D.

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The Shredder

A young engineer was leaving the office at 5:45 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainl...

In my girlfriend's copy of 50 Shades of Grey I found a photo of me with the word "scumbag" written as a caption.

I guess I'm not in her good books.

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I've just downloaded a pirate copy of bohemian rhapsody.

quality was crap though, all I could see was a little silhouette of a man.

So my friend gave me a copy of Hamlet...

Instead of letters it had numbers. He also gave me a cryptograph to translate it, but said it might be broken. Now all I can wonder to myself is, " is 2 B or not 2 B"

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Shove a copy of Shaun of the Dead up someone's ass

Simon Pegging

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?

Church

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I wanted to borrow a copy of Oedipus Rex, but the library told me the city had banned it.

"Banned it?" I asked.

The librarian nodded. "Yes, for inappropriate content."

I blurted out "Motherfucker!".

She calmly replied "That's exactly why.".

I like to copy forum posts from Intel forums to Amd forums. People call me a reposter,

But actually I'm a threadripper.

What do you call ad copy written by a communist?

Marxeting

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Boss: "Why did you hire a donkey to work in the copy room?"

Me: "Well, I gave a buncha animals a tryout."

Boss: "And..."

Me: "That ass collated quickly."

Sakurai Brings the Beta Copy of Smash Ultimate on a Cruise

On the first night at sea, he finally decided try the prototype his team had been working on. After rigging up his switch, he finally opened up the box that held the precious cartridge.

The problem?

It was missing.

In a panic, Sakurai searched the entire room, but he couldn't fi...

If I made a perfect copy of myself

If I made a perfect copy of myself and then threw him naked off of the top of a tall building, would it be murder, suicide or making an obscene clone fall?

My Muslim co-worker brought a CD copy of the Quran into work today…

He got really annoyed when I asked if I could burn a copy.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

..I will find you. You have my Word.

---

I used to copy Mitch Hedberg jokes and post them here.

I still do, but I used to too...

I recently bought a copy of Monty Python's Big Red Book, but was later dismayed to find that I'd purchased the Spanish language version...

Nobody expects the Spanish text edition.

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I ran across an old copy of the Amputee’s Song Book the other day.

It includes such classics as “If you’re happy and you know it……SHIT!”

Good artists copy, great artists steal

I wrote that.

I've just downloaded a copy of the Bible from the internet…

When I'd finished, it said, "Saved."

A man had an adult daughter who he loved dearly but rarely met. He decided to send her a letter, and in it was hundreds of pieces of advice to help her succeed in life.

The advice ranged from career to cooking to basic mechanics; it was like a manual for life, and it took him a good while to rewrite, condense, and perfect.

When he went to the post office to send the letter, he met the mail deliverer Kurt. Kurt said he would deliver the letter.

The man...

What do you get when you cryogenically freeze a genetic copy of basketball legend Kareem Abdul Jabbar?

An ice Kareem clone

Why is a pirated copy of a Sigourney Weaver film Donald Trump's least favourite movie?

It's an Illegal Alien.

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