Coronavirus has been copying the Black Death

Plaguearism

What's a tiger running a copying machine called?

A copycat

A copy pulls over an old lady driving very slowly on the highway...

...and sees three other old ladies in the car, all of whom are terrified.

Cop: I pulled you over because you were driving 35 miles per hour on the highway.

Old Lady: Well, that's because the speed limit is 35.

Cop: No, this is HIGHWAY 35. The speed limit is 65. By the way, why ...

A man walked into a copy shop, and requested that they print a book for him with pages 30 feet long and 1 foot wide.

Printer: "Why do you need pages that long?"

Man: "Well, it's a long story."

Why was Copy nervous on its date with Paste?

Because Cut was at another table, and they were a controlling ex.

I'm sorry.

To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you

You have my Word

If The Joke about r/Jokes is That All The Jokes are Stolen/Copy Pasted...

Does that mean when you see a joke, you've already Reddit?

If you were to ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie UP he would never give it to you.

In doing so, he would let you down.

Thus creating the rickroll paradox.

Was reading a "People Who Passed Away In 2020" article and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the...

What do you call a cat copying off of another cat?

.....a cheetah!

My ex wife kept the only copy of our wedding video.

I can’t see myself getting married again.

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I gave my wife a copy of doom

It sucks because each time we try to have sex she goes by the motto RIP and tear until it's done

One day, a man stole a copy of the Bible.

The rightful owner filed a police report, but there was no evidence left behind nor any leads on who might've stolen it, so the case fell to the wayside. As there was nothing particularly special about this Bible compared to other copies, the rightful owner bought a new copy and forgot about the ord...

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A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink.

The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.

The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some k...

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was sur...

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A new monk arrives at the monastery

He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies of the original books.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this, worried that there may be errors The head monk says, "We have been copying from the...

A teacher is trying to persuade the kids to buy a copy of the class' group picture:

“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.”

A small voice at the back of the room rang out: “And there’s our teacher, she’s dead.”

A lion is drinking from a puddle and his tail is up.

A gorilla walks up behind him, seizes the opportunity and has his way with him.

The gorilla takes off and the lion takes off after him. The gorilla runs into a hunter's camp, jumps into a tent, puts on a safari outfit and a pith helmet, grabs a copy of The Johannesburg Times, sits down and pr...

We learned about oxymorons.

It was very fun, there were many examples.


freezer burn, original copy, exact estimate, truthful politician, caring insurance, Microsoft Works, and more!

A monk joins an abbey ready to dedicate his life to copying ancient books by hand

After the first day though, he reports to the head priest. He's concerned that all the monks have been copying from copies made from still more copies.

"If someone makes a mistake" he points out "It would be impossible to detect. Even worse, the error would continue to be made"

A bit s...

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Darth Vader walks into his local record shop and asks for a copy of George Michael's debut solo album

The guy behind the counter says "I'm sorry, it's out of stock."

Darth Vader shakes his head and says "I find your lack of Faith disturbing..."

I asked the secretary for a copy of a floppy disk.

She put it in the photo copier.

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A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks:

"Book!"

The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter.

"Book,...

A group of monks are responsible for hand-making new copies of the bible...

The entire monastery is devoted to the task, each day they all wake up and say their prayers before a humble breakfast and then they begin work. On the anniversary of creating his thousandth copy of the bible since he first joined the monastery two decades ago, brother Gray asks the abbot if he coul...

I hate it when people outright copy and paste somebody's joke on Twitter and post it on a different social media platform.

Retweet if you agree.

Assistant to the President: Sir, there's a crisis - somehow, we only have one copy of Pixar's Up left in existence.

President: All right, find the person who currently owns it, and have him give it to me.

Assistant to the President: Well there's some bad news, sir ...

President: Bad news? Have him give me the DVD, I'll copy it and post it on the Internet, problem solved!

Assistant to the Pres...

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A man goes into a local bookstore and asks the young lady assistant,

"Do you have the new book out for men with small penises?"

She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."

"That's the one; I'll take a copy…"

My girlfriend bought me a copy of the kama sutra last week...

... which put me in an awkward postition.

I sued a guy for copying my idea for a water bottle briefcase

Unfortunately, my case didn't hold water.

A man goes to a music store and starts copying down some sheet music

Clerk: "Sir, are you plagiarising that music?"
Man: "No, I'm just taking some notes"

What do you call a written copy of Chinese history from Tiananmen Square?

[REDACTED]

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

I will find you; you have my Word. You’ve taken my one only good Outlook in life. Seriously though, how did you gain Access & why did you only leave OneNote?

Larry Tesler, inventor of the cut, copy, and paste commands, dies at 74

Larry Tesler, inventor of the cut, copy, and paste commands, dies at 74

Sad News: The founder of /r/jokes has passed away

RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74

An Iranian entrepreneur opened a copy shop.

It's called *Prints of Persia*.

There are only ten types of people in the world.

Those who know binary, and those who copy edit.

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The Felony laws are rediculous...

Three guys were talking about how they ended up in an Arizona prison.

Guy 1: what are you in for?

Guy 2: selling weed to my 23 year old cousin with anxiety.

Guy 1: I can beat that, I was playing bioshock and the radio in game played some 1950s shit. I got a copy right strike and...

Have you heard of the chinese copy of Wu-tang Clan?

It's called Wu-han Clan

I got caught with a copy of the Constitution

I swear I read it for the articles.

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A Shinto Priest was walking by a member of the Japanese Communist Party holding a copy of the Marx's Manifesto

He pointed at the guy and shouted: "What are you, a kami?"

I just scored a 170 on an online IQ test and only had to answer three simple questions

1. ⁠My credit card number
2. ⁠My social security number
3. ⁠Uploading a signed copy of my birth certificate

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This morning I dropped a copy of A Christmas Carol right on my toe

It hurt like the dickens

I couldn't find any publishers for my autobiography, so I invested a whole pile of my own money and got 10,000 copies printed. I'm yet to sell even one copy.

Story of my life.

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A copy of 'Oliver Twist' fell off the shelf and hit me on the head.

It hurts like the Dickens!


< source: LOL Cats>

This r/jokes sub uses a lot of military slang ...

every repost is like ... copy that.

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Three dwarves are sitting around having a few drinks

Dwarf #1 says:

Sometimes I get bummed out being a dwarf. But at least it is good for something. The other day I was flipping through the Guinness Book of World Records, and I found out that I have the shortest arms in the world.

The other two dwarves don't believe him. So they get a co...

My wife said she was leaving me because she didn’t like how I was copying her

So I left her because I didn’t like how she was copying me

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cool funny jokes that i can copy and paste on to reddit

wait this isn't google



shit

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A little boy asks his dad; "What's between mom's legs?"

The father answers," Paradise."
The kid asks again,"Whats between your legs?" The father replies, "The key to paradise."
Then, the son says, "Piece of advice dad, change the lock. The neighbor has a copy."

A student sits in class, eagerly listening to the lecture.

Next to him, a classmate who is twiddling his thumbs and spinning a pencil.

The teacher finishes the lesson and asks the students to copy the board.

Soon enough, the teacher walks over to the eager student and asks what he’s doing, as he isn’t writing.

Twiddling his thumbs and ...

Picasso said "good artists copy but great artists steal"

I don't understand if this sub if filled with good artists or great artists

Tonight, I’m uploading an illegal copy of Microsoft Office for anybody to access

Just wait until Word gets out...




I know this is a terrible joke, but it just came to me and I had to get it out of my system. Thank you, Reddit.

A new father is sitting down with his dad for a drink.

His dad tells him, "Now that you're a father, it's time I give you something very special." He replies, "Dad, you're not talking about-." His father interrupts, "Yes. It's time." With this he hands his son a copy of '1000 Dad Jokes, 1st Edition'. His son says with a tear in his eye, "Dad, I'm honore...

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Christmas wishes

Afternoon all, just wanted to take a minute to wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy year, most of all good health!
These days people don't spend much time or thought on some personal words to their friends and family, they just copy and paste some random shit and send it on.
So, aft...

My local book shop had a sale on "1/3 off all titles"

I scored a pristine hardback copy of 'The Lion, The Witch'

Did you hear about the Irishman who bought a copy of "Guinness World Records"??

He thought it was an L.P of Irish drinking songs

Years ago, my Mother-in-law began reading, "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it to the ocean and threw it off the pier.

I went out, but another copy, ran it under the faucet, and left it beside her bed.

Google announces new usage of an old tool: sending vital organs for surgery via landlines. The organ at the other end will be a working copy of the original, giving an unprecedented supply of life-saving organs to families in need.

They're calling it "The Fax of Life."

I went to the library looking for a copy of the Kama sutra...

I couldn't find it. So I complained to the librarian.
They Replied "Ah that's cause it's in a different position every week"

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