Coronavirus has been copying the Black Death

Plaguearism

What's a tiger running a copying machine called?

A copycat

A man walked into a copy shop, and requested that they print a book for him with pages 30 feet long and 1 foot wide.

Printer: "Why do you need pages that long?"

Man: "Well, it's a long story."

Why was Copy nervous on its date with Paste?

Because Cut was at another table, and they were a controlling ex.

I'm sorry.

A copy pulls over an old lady driving very slowly on the highway...

...and sees three other old ladies in the car, all of whom are terrified.

Cop: I pulled you over because you were driving 35 miles per hour on the highway.

Old Lady: Well, that's because the speed limit is 35.

Cop: No, this is HIGHWAY 35. The speed limit is 65. By the way, why ...

I like to go into book shops and browse for a book with a 'Signed Copy ' sticker on it.

Peel it off and stick it on a Bible.

If I find out who stole my copy of MS Office, I'll kill you...

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you give my MS Office...

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A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over taking a drink from a water stream

The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead. The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some khakis t...

I used to copy Mitch Hedberg jokes.

I still do, but I used to, too.

If The Joke about r/Jokes is That All The Jokes are Stolen/Copy Pasted...

Does that mean when you see a joke, you've already Reddit?

If you were to ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie UP he would never give it to you.

In doing so, he would let you down.

Thus creating the rickroll paradox.

Teacher: Please provide the ethical definition of copying.

Student:

From one person it's cheating.

From many people it's research.

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I wish Frasier would have a show about a copy editor in 1942 Germany that's blind, bilingual, narcoleptic, and obsessed with weights and measures.

He'd be a Grammar Grammer gram-er Nazi not-see nod si.

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross county adventure...

So I took a trip to the library to see if they
had a copy.


The librarian said that my description rang a
bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you

You have my Word

A teacher is trying to persuade the kids to buy a copy of the class' group picture:

“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.”

A small voice at the back of the room rang out: “And there’s our teacher, she’s dead.”

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My new book I wrote about improving your basement just sold its millionth copy.

Its Officially A Best Cellar.

Sad News: The founder of /r/jokes has passed away

RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74

My wife thinks her latest copy of Indian Cooking Monthly is too narrowly focused

I think it's a naan issue.

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Colonoscopy Prep

My girlfriend is going in to get a colonoscopy tomorrow. She wants me to pick up some large Googly-eyes to make her ass look like a face, then she wants to tuck in a post-it note saying “Psssst: we’ve been wanting to talk to you about your car’s extended warranty.”
Never a dull moment here.

Was reading a "People Who Passed Away In 2020" article and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the...

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Ooops

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"...

I hate it when people outright copy and paste somebody's joke on Twitter and post it on a different social media platform.

Retweet if you agree.

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Did you hear about the guy that made the ass copy?

He kept it for posteriority!

My ex wife kept the only copy of our wedding video.

I can’t see myself getting married again.

One day, a man stole a copy of the Bible.

The rightful owner filed a police report, but there was no evidence left behind nor any leads on who might've stolen it, so the case fell to the wayside. As there was nothing particularly special about this Bible compared to other copies, the rightful owner bought a new copy and forgot about the ord...

So there's this bar in New York called Walter's...

So there's this bar in New York called Walter's - it's named after the guy who runs the place, Walter Green. He's an older guy who doesn't understand a lot of technological stuff, and so the bar is plain and simple, just as it was when he first opened it back in the 1960s. One of Walter's regular cu...

A monk joins an abbey ready to dedicate his life to copying ancient books by hand

After the first day though, he reports to the head priest. He's concerned that all the monks have been copying from copies made from still more copies.

"If someone makes a mistake" he points out "It would be impossible to detect. Even worse, the error would continue to be made"

A bit s...

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Darth Vader walks into his local record shop and asks for a copy of George Michael's debut solo album

The guy behind the counter says "I'm sorry, it's out of stock."

Darth Vader shakes his head and says "I find your lack of Faith disturbing..."

What do you call a cat copying off of another cat?

.....a cheetah!

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

I will find you; you have my Word. You’ve taken my one only good Outlook in life. Seriously though, how did you gain Access & why did you only leave OneNote?

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I gave my wife a copy of doom

It sucks because each time we try to have sex she goes by the motto RIP and tear until it's done

A woman in my office died.

A woman in my office died.

It’s not like I didn’t notice but for months afterwards I kept on copying her into emails.

Some people got upset and I was like
‘Sorry - I CC dead people.’

A group of monks are responsible for hand-making new copies of the bible...

The entire monastery is devoted to the task, each day they all wake up and say their prayers before a humble breakfast and then they begin work. On the anniversary of creating his thousandth copy of the bible since he first joined the monastery two decades ago, brother Gray asks the abbot if he coul...

First day as a cop:

Newbie cop: Suspect is dancing naked on the plaza, I repeat, suspect is dancing naked

Dispatch: Roger, copy that

Newbie cop: ...I can try but I'm not much of a dancer?..

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was sur...

Assistant to the President: Sir, there's a crisis - somehow, we only have one copy of Pixar's Up left in existence.

President: All right, find the person who currently owns it, and have him give it to me.

Assistant to the President: Well there's some bad news, sir ...

President: Bad news? Have him give me the DVD, I'll copy it and post it on the Internet, problem solved!

Assistant to the Pres...

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A young monk arrives at a monastery.

He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old laws of the church by hand. However, he notices that all of the monks are copying from copies; not from the original manuscript.

He decides to bring this up to the head monk; pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the...

How many r/jokes users does it take to change a light bulb?

1000, one changes the light bulb and the others will start upvoting it and copying it and having orgies

Tonight, I’m uploading an illegal copy of Microsoft Office for anybody to access

Just wait until Word gets out...




I know this is a terrible joke, but it just came to me and I had to get it out of my system. Thank you, Reddit.

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cool funny jokes that i can copy and paste on to reddit

wait this isn't google



shit

A boy asked his father "Why is my sister named Theresa?" "Because your mother loves Easter and Theresa is an anagram." "Thanks dad."

"Your welcome Alan."

A boss calls a meeting to discuss employees taking sick days when they aren’t sick.

He had suspected that this had been happening, but he finally had his proof. He held up a copy of the newspaper, and in the sports section, there was an article about an employee, who had supposedly been sick, winning a golf tournament.

“Wow” said someone in the back. “Imagine the score he co...

An Iranian entrepreneur opened a copy shop.

It's called *Prints of Persia*.

I sued a guy for copying my idea for a water bottle briefcase

Unfortunately, my case didn't hold water.

A man goes to a music store and starts copying down some sheet music

Clerk: "Sir, are you plagiarising that music?"
Man: "No, I'm just taking some notes"

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A man goes into a local bookstore and asks the young lady assistant,

"Do you have the new book out for men with small penises?"

She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."

"That's the one; I'll take a copy…"

My girlfriend bought me a copy of the kama sutra last week...

... which put me in an awkward postition.

One day, a mathematician was found dead in his office....

When they investigated they found he had died of dehydration, slumped over an untranslated copy of Homer's Iliad that had been sent to him by mistake.
Scrawled on the margins were the words "This is the most complicated equation I have ever seen"

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< Athletes foot! >

I made up this joke in 2010

........................................................

A very active runner was hit by a power shovel. The affect was to shear his privates off. When he got to the hospital the doctor tried to reattach it, but to no avail. The doctor then noticed that...

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A copy of 'Oliver Twist' fell off the shelf and hit me on the head.

It hurts like the Dickens!


< source: LOL Cats>

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This morning I dropped a copy of A Christmas Carol right on my toe

It hurt like the dickens

What do you call a guy that only has 1 copy of Microsoft office?

A man of few words

I got caught with a copy of the Constitution

I swear I read it for the articles.

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A Shinto Priest was walking by a member of the Japanese Communist Party holding a copy of the Marx's Manifesto

He pointed at the guy and shouted: "What are you, a kami?"

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