How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?

50, if you slice them *very* thinly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tractor joke

There once was a man who loved tractors, I mean he absolutely LOVED them. He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control miniature tractors, tractor board games, even some tractor porn(which is not easy to find mind you). The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, was th...

"I want your face to be the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see before falling asleep"

"Oh my God! Are you proposing?"

"What? NO! Just setting your photo as my phone wallpaper. Geez!"

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My neighbor visited my house the other day

He said: Isn't your house the same as mine? How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your living room when you moved in?

12 I said.

A few days later he came back, pretty pissed. "I just finished, and I have 7 rolls of wallpaper left!"

Yeah, so did I.

\*Heard in Dutch a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The worst joke in the world

WW3 breaks out and the President authorizes use of the most powerful weapon ever made, a joke so bad it causes instant death to the listener. The problem is, it was said to be developed in revolutionary times by British expats and nobody could remember where it has been stashed away.

To find...

My boyfriend claimed size doesn't matter.

But then the wallpaper he put up all fell off.

A woman rings at neighbour's door. A man opens the door.

Woman: "Hey, I just moved in, and I am just applying wallpaper in the kitchen. I just saw yesterday that you freshly papered you kitchen as well, and I thought you may be able to help me out. How many stacks of paper did you buy to do the job?"

Man:"Well yes, of course! I bought 16 stacks of ...

Make your Wife your phone wallpaper

when you feel down and having a hard time, look at your phone and remind yourself...

If you can overcome this, I can overcome everything.

A middle aged bachelor has an obsession with tractors.

His entire house is decorated with them. He has tractor wallpaper, tractor memorabilia, many many model tractors, pictures of tractors, tractor bed sheets, even his car looks like a tractor (not a real tractor due to legal reasons).

As it is, his obsession with tractors had left him awkward, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having pictures of your family as your wallpaper is great.

But it gets awkward when you close pornhub and they're the first thing you see.

What's the difference between a diploma and a roll of wallpaper?

When someone hands you a roll of wallpaper, you know you have a job ahead of you.

Abbot & Costello

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and
Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate
this.
For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read
on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch,<...

When I sold my house...

The new owner called me up and asked; "How much wallpaper did you buy when you did the living room?". "12 rolls" I answered.

Three days later I got another angry call. "You said you bought 12 rolls of wallpaper, but I only needed 7!". "Funny", I responded, "I had the same thing!"

I just moved into a new apartment

I asked a neighbour in the same apartment building, “Bro, you live directly above me & you have the same 2-room apartment as I do. How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy when you moved in?” “I got 18 rolls,” answered my neighbour.

Two months later, I met this neighbour of mine again and...

If you truly believe that "Colour Doesn't Matter"

try arguing with your wife when choosing wallpaper.

There was a child who was absolutely obsessed with tractors

He had tractor wallpaper, model tractors, pictures of tractors.. everything was about tractors for him.

However, as he grew older his love for tractors faded.

He went to university, married a girl and they had kids.

One day he came home and his house was on fire and his family w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For milder grievances with co-workers, try this:

When your colleague leaves their computer unattended, jump on & create a new desktop folder. Call it say **"MyBestialityPorno"**. Take a screenshot of the desktop. Delete the folder. Set screenshot as the computer *wallpaper*.

When your vic gets back & notices, they'll try furiously t...

Peter wanted to renovate his house ...

He knocked everything old down and tore off the wallpapers. With the house being full of nooks and crannies, he was struggling to calculate what amount of new wallpapers to buy.

Luckily he heard his neighbour Jimmy coming home and asked him how many rolls he bought, when he was rapapering his...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tractors

So there's this guy who loves tractors. Ever since he was young and his father sat him upon one of these beastly machines, he's been in love with them. Growing up, he bought toy tractors, he drew tractors, he even had tractor wallpaper.

As he got older, he eventually bought a tractor with hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A visit to the pope

A man walks into the barber's and says "I don't mind what you do so long as it looks smart, I'm going to see the pope".

"Oh not the pope! He's done nothing for the faith. I went to see him a while ago and he never even appeared. They said he wasn't feeling well. Pathetic if you ask me, lett...

Joe and his tractors

So there's this guy named Joe. For years Joe loved tractors. He was obsessed with them. He had tractor posters, tractor calendars, tractor bedsheets, tractor wallpaper, tractor simulators. Anyways one day Joe is at the annual tractor convention in LA and he sees the brand new XJ54330 tractor. It's t...

Bush, the Queen, Putin and Borisov are in front of 4 banks.

So, Bush, The Queen, Putin and bulgaria's very own PM Borisov are standing in front of 4 banks.

They decide to send in their best.

Bush sends in his best marine platoon, and after 2 hours they come out with all the cash.

The queen sends in her best SAS platoon, and after an hour...

A short tale of Timmy

Timmy loved tractors. When he was growing up his room was covered in them. He had tractor wallpaper, a tractor bed, tractor sheets, tractor pillowcases and not to mention all of the tractor toys which he would lovingly play with every day.

On Timmy's 13th birthday his parents decided to take...

Master List for Easter Dad Jokes

Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs? From Eggplants

Why do we paint Easter eggs? Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!

What day does an Easter egg hate the most? Fry-days.

What kind of bunny can’t hop? A chocolate one!

Why did the Easter egg hide? He ...

Did you hear about the gynecologist...

...who wallpapered his front room through the letter box?

If you're a necrophiliac...

is it called wallpapering the coffin?

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