A quick and easy way to make money is to sell photographs of salmon dressed up in tuxedoes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

Are people born with photographic memories,

or does it take time to develop?

Why don't racist people take photographs in old cameras?

'Cause they appear in black and white.

What did the photographer say to robber?

I’d love to shoot you sometime.

Why can't anyone photograph grizzlies wearing shoes or socks?

Because they have bear feet

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a photographer.

But it didn't develop.

What's the name of an Asian photographer?

Phil Ming

The World Health Organization has asked photographers to lower their exposure while out doing their jobs…

I guess ISOlation is the name of the game.

Two identical twin brothers, George and Ted, turned 100. George's hearing was just as good as ever, but Ted was slightly deaf.

An attractive female photographer came to the retirement home to take the brothers' picture. "I'm going to take your picture," she said.

"What did she say?" asked Ted. "She says she's going to take our picture," replied George. So George and Ted followed the photographer to a room.

Ins...

What is the best quality to use when photographing forks?

4K

Why photographers make the best girlfriends?

They like when you shoot raw.

My neighbors, the Razzis, have more family photographs hanging from their wall than anyone I know.

Thanks to their Dad.

Papa Razzi.

What’s the difference between an Englishman and a photograph?

The photograph is fully developed!

How to make a baby

There is not one dirty word in this, and it is funny.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and
decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now; the man should be...

What do snipers and photographers have in common?

They get paid to take headshots.

A photographer was assigned to take photographs of a national park, so he decided to take them from the sky to get the best angle.

He requested permission to rent a plane and the arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him.

He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted: “Let’s go!”

The pilot swu...

I have a photographic memory.

But its a Polaroid instant camera from the 80's.

Popeye was a really good photographer, Because he was

“Popeye DSLR man!”

Why were photographers so depressed before digital cameras were invented?

They spent too long processing the negatives.

I think my photographer was a Tony Stark fan.

Cause he died after snapping.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Japanese scientist have created a camera.

It has such an immense shutter speed, that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.

Why did the optimist lose his job at the photographic processing lab?

He couldn't focus on the negatives.

A soldier serving overseas far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote to break off their engagement and ask for her photograph back.

He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together, and sent them back with a note saying, “I regret that I cannot remember which one you are.

Please keep your photo and return the others.”

What does a Terrorist Photographer do?

Photobomb

I have a photographer friend who works for a school

We usually call him school shooter

A photographer hunts down chicken...

Just try to picture that!

Did you hear about the bartender who almost got crushed to death at an Irish wedding?

The photographer told all the men to stand next to the one person who made their life worth living.

Why did the naked photographer get arrested?

Indecent exposure

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...

which of course explains why so many photographers are broke.

Why are photographers always so depressed?

Because they don’t do anything all day but focus on the negatives.

Photographers are so violent.

They'll frame you, shoot you, blow you up and then hang you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know if you photograph your butt the picture will never come out blurry?

Hindsight is always 20/20.

Humans advanced to the point of space domination and could create clones of themselves.

Two friends, Dill and Jeuk decided to play space tag. Dill was 'it'.

Jeuk had a clever trick up his sleeve. He created 50 clones of himself and hid them in the galaxy, while he himself hid in a cluster of comets.

After a lot of looking, Dill found the first clone in a nearby star syste...

Twins celebrating their 102nd Birthday (Long)

The editor of a local paper hears about these two twins in the retirement home Harriet and Hazel who is celebrating their 102nd Birthday. He needs a feel-good story for filler so he sends down a photographer to snap some pictures.

He gets there and asks the twins if he can take their picture...

What's the fastest way to earn money as a photographer?

By selling your camera.

Martyrs

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in the cafe strip chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old now"

"Yes, I remember him as a baby"...

Why did the photograph go to jail?

Indecent exposure

Why did the photographer fail his test?

Because he couldn't FOCUS

Did you hear about that photographer that got locked in his dark room?

By the time they found the body he'd died of exposure.

Two weeks ago I got a job in a photographers dark room.

After an initial negative review, today my boss told me my talent is developing.

A bunch of Chinese people come to a photographer for passport photos...

The photographer saw the enormous work to guide each of the 50 people and told to himself:

-Well, they all look the same, I will do just one photo and will send a copy to each one. They wouldn't notice.

So, he did it and sent a copy to each one of them. The next day, a Chinese guy com...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Inspired by some of my favorite subs like r/earthporn and r/roomporn, I decided to start a sub built around the most beautiful thing I’ve ever photographed.

Now my main account has been banned and the FBI is at my door to ask me about r/newbornporn. I think I could be in some trouble here.

Did you hear about the photographer who ran out of subjects?

He shot himself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pope taking a shower!

The Pope was having a shower and although he's very strict about celibacy, he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the papal wrist, and this happened to be one of those occasions. Just as he reached the Papal climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture of the Holy semen flying through the air...

What's the difference between young girls and photographs?

After putting them in a dark room, you have to wait for the photograph to fully develop.

My grandfather was a medical photographer who specialized in documenting infectious diseases. It's a miracle he survived well into his 80s...

Over the years, he told me he developed malaria, dengue, tuberculosis and dozens of unknown rashes.

Before he passed, my grandfather was a professional photographer.

Oh how I miss good ol papa razzi

Why did the Photographer kill himself?

A. He had a problem with perspective

I wish I had photographic memory

but it never developed

A photographer had his lens fall off his camera

He was fined for indecent exposure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are porn photographers never nervous?

They picture everyone naked.

I have a Photographic memory

Unfortunately it's digital and it didn't come with a memory card.

My friend's dad is a war photographer, but with a twist.

He goes into battlefields after the shooting's stopped and takes pictures of the aftermath.

The newspaper he works for got him a contract to take photos in Iraq. Well, this was just after the war broke out, and he couldn't just fly into the country, not while there was a war. So he flew into...

Why do some photographers have such short attention spans?

Becuse they have a 80D

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A professional photographer with a 10' penis was caught revealing himself to passers by on a busy high street yesterday

He's been arrested and charged for the long exposure.

I got an email from my girlfriend. It said, "Can you send me a photograph of my best body part?"

So I emailed her back.

A photographer and a sniper meet in a bar.

Neither is aware of the other's occupation.
They talk about "how to take the perfect shot."
[A college student shows up, slams back both of their drinks and says "Thats how you take a shot!" ](#s)

My wife and I had a horse-drawn wedding.

We should have just hired a photographer.

As the photographer snapped pictures, I posed provocatively and gave my most sultry looks to the camera, even grabbing my crotch for effect! I felt wild and sensual and free...

I went over to the computer to see the results, as I was keen to see if they had captured the essence of my being.

"I guess so." growled the officer. "Now let's go stand for the police lineup and then we'll be done here."

Ruining a photograph is not difficult.

I can do that with my eyes closed!

People who like being photographed in natural light..

..should be taken outside and shot.

Why are photographers good problem solvers?

They have a knack at looking at things from a different perspective.

What do you call an egyptian god with a photographic memory?

Cam-Ra

Why did the photographer got killed?

Because he was framed!

Being married to a photographer is depressing...

...they're always looking at the negatives.

When I was a kid I used to think I had a photographic memory.

All of my memories were blurred and cut off at the neck.

It was an amateur photographic memory.

The photographers of previous generations had it tough.

No matter how hard they tried, they always developed a negative image.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Job Profile

The CEO during a site visit to the office asks a young Manager "Yes smarty, What do you do?"

Manager (calmly) : "Sir, I'm the Sexual Advisor to the VP."

Pin drop silence ensues, photographer stops taking pictures, all others stop working and start looking around.

The CEO looks ...

Tried to take a photograph of some fog

Mist

I dream of becoming a selfie photographer..

I can just picture myself doing it.

When I was younger I wanted to become a pirate!

Now I am a photographer, because every pirate has to own a Canon.

I have a photographic memory

I'm still developing it though.

I was the photographer at a vegan wedding this weekend

They kept getting mad when I told them to say cheese.

I didnt do it!

It had been a long day in court & Larry was trying to get George to confess.
Larry: Admit it! You followed her home. Then, as she turned a corner, you stabbed her.

George: i didn't do it. I'm innocent.

Larry: Don't lie to me. Prints of your shoes were found in her garden.
...

What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer?

A loose Canon.

I was an ISIS photographer for a while but got fired due to the way I was setting up the shots...

They said I kept cutting the heads off people.

I used to work in a darkroom developing photographs...

but I quit because there was too much negativity.

You should send picture of your ex to NASA.

Apparently they are desperate to get a photograph of A hole that sucks all your time, light and energy.

What does an arctic wildlife photographer get from sitting around too long?

Polaroids.

^I ^know, ^that ^was ^god ^awful.

Did you hear about the water thief-turned-photographer?

Apparently he was a great pitcher-taker.

(Credit goes to my husband.)

Why couldn't the photographer see straight?

He took too many shots.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Female Journalist Ventures Into A Village

A female journalist ventures into a village in a faraway land, away from all modern civilization, to write a story about the people that lives there.

When she gets into the village, the villagers give her a warm welcome, tell her that she can talks to anyone and photographs anything that she ...

What do cops and sports photographers have in common?

They get paid to shoot black men.

I'm working on a script about a mobster who attempts to reinvent himself as a professional photographer. I'm gonna call it...

*The Selfie Made Man.*

Why did the photographer get arrested?

He was charged with shooting kids and framing the parents.

What did the photographer say when he retired?

"I can't take it anymore!"

Why do you never see any Stormtroopers as photographers?

They always miss the shot

A Photographer Hears About a Ghost Appearance...

It was said to be appearing that night, in an abandoned house. This was said to only happen every one hundred years. So, the photographer packs his equipment and goes to the house. Around midnight, the ghost appears. It turns out to be quite friendly, and consents to have its picture taken. The phot...

Where does a digital photographer hang his work?

On a jpeg.

A photographer shot his subject with a Canon.

She was blown away.

I once photographed a high school track team practice for the yearbook..

I guess you could call it *timed laps* photography.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family on vacation arrives at the Grand Canyon early in the morning to watch the sun rise

The father insisted on getting away from tourists so he drove to an isolated area where they would have the view to themselves. No one else is around so they decide to take turns being photographer so everyone can get in one picture. The son offers to go first. "Ok everyone back up just a bit so I c...

Here's one for the photographers of reddit

Why was the photo of a wheat field rejected from Alamy? A=It had too much grain

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lion was chasing Uncle in Africa

A Uncle was trying to impress his nephew

Uncle: You know, when I was traveling in African Savannah alone, I went close to a sleeping lion to photograph him.

Nephew: What happened next?

Uncle: The lion suddenly wakes up, and start chasing me.

Nephew: Wow, what happened ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is on his death bed...

His wife is holding his hand while he struggles with his breathing. On the table is a photograph of five strapping young lads and one very scrawny young man. He looks at the photo and tries to speak.

"Martha, how did it happen? My five strong boys winning competitions, chopping wood, marrying...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An artist is commissioned to paint a mural in the newly built city hall.

The city council has decided the mural must be an important scene from American history. The artist accepts the deal with one condition.

No one can see the piece before it is completed.

Begrudgingly, the town council accepts, a contract is signed, and the artist begins work behind a m...

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.

He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.
...

Based on a True Story: A breeding pair of crocodiles ate two European tourists in Australia

This actually happened back when I was a kid in the 90's: A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and consumed by a pair of crocodiles in Australia. The female ate the Frenchman.

The Czech was in the male.

Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache and glasses, I think

"There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a country with strict population growth rules.

The population was so low, the government had enacted a law that required all couples to have children within 5 years of their marriage. Should a couple fail to produce a child during this period, a government official would be sent to "get the job done".

Such was the situation of a couple, w...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.