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Are people born with photographic memories?

Or do they take a while to develop?

Why the fuck are you morons spending real money on Reddit awards? Fucking STOP it. Reddit admins do NOT deserve any kind of money at all. The just banned 200 odd subreddits - and you fucking halfwits want to reward them for it.

Fuck's sake.

A wedding photographer was tragically killed today when a 250lb wheel of cheese fell off the catering lorry and crushed him.

All the guests tried frantically to warn him, but to no avail.

Twin sisters in a Newfoundland nursing home were turning 100 years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the 100 year old twins.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.

The deaf sister said to her twin "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!" said the other.

"Now get a little closer to...

An American photographer on vacation.

An American photographer on vacation was inside Westminster Abbey taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '£10,000 per call'.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The ...

Never purchase jewelry based off of a photograph

It makes you look 2D pendant

Students at a high school in Georgia were suspended for posting photographs of their crowded hallways.

The administration was worried about the wrong thing going viral.

A photographer was killed in a freak accident today.

When trying to take a group photo, a giant wheel of cheddar rolled over and crushed him.

Witnesses said people did try to warn him.

What’s the best Ancient Greek landmark to photograph?

Delphi, because it’s always in Phocis.

A photographer goes to a haunted castle

A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween.

The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot.

The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.
...

The Photographer

>A Los Angeles agent representing a wealthy photographer called and asked to speak to his client. "Brittany, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
>
>The photographer replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first."
> ...

My buddy was telling about his new hobby of photographing Salmon in different outfits.

Apparently it's just like shooting fish in apparel.

A quick and easy way to make money is to sell photographs of salmon dressed up in tuxedoes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

A photographer was badly hurt this morning when a huge block of cheese fell on him.

Everyone posing for the wedding party picture had tried to warn him.

Are people born with photographic memories,

or does it take time to develop?

Why don't racist people take photographs in old cameras?

'Cause they appear in black and white.

Comrade Khrushchev goes to a pig farm and he is photographed there.

In the village newspaper office, there was a heated discussion about how to caption the photograph. “Pigs and Comrade Khrushchev”? “Comrade Khrushchev Among Pigs”? None will do. The editor finally makes a decision: “Third From Left: Comrade Khrushchev.”

What did the photographer say to robber?

I’d love to shoot you sometime.

Why can't anyone photograph grizzlies wearing shoes or socks?

Because they have bear feet

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he ...

Did you hear about the guy who shot his wife, hung his children, and framed the dog?

They really are nice photographs.

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What’s the difference joke.

What’s the difference between a cat and a pornstar.
None I photograph them both in different positions to make it more interesting.

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One summers day, a group of young girls decide to go swimming...

One summers day, a group of girls decide to go swimming rather than class. Instead of the more popular spots, the friends choose a discreet little pond on the far side of the lake. Sure, its privately owned but they're unlikely to be discovered there.

When the young ladies get to the pond, t...

My neighbors, the Razzis, have more family photographs hanging from their wall than anyone I know.

Thanks to their Dad.

Papa Razzi.

The World Health Organization has asked photographers to lower their exposure while out doing their jobs…

I guess ISOlation is the name of the game.

Why photographers make the best girlfriends?

They like when you shoot raw.

What is the best quality to use when photographing forks?

4K

A photographer was assigned to take photographs of a national park, so he decided to take them from the sky to get the best angle.

He requested permission to rent a plane and the arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him.

He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted: “Let’s go!”

The pilot swu...

What's the name of an Asian photographer?

Phil Ming

What do snipers and photographers have in common?

They get paid to take headshots.

A soldier serving overseas far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote to break off their engagement and ask for her photograph back.

He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together, and sent them back with a note saying, “I regret that I cannot remember which one you are.

Please keep your photo and return the others.”

Why were photographers so depressed before digital cameras were invented?

They spent too long processing the negatives.

I have a photographic memory.

But its a Polaroid instant camera from the 80's.

Photographers are so violent.

They'll frame you, shoot you, blow you up and then hang you.

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How do you know you have reached quarantine insanity?

When you look at old photographs and videos and get pissed because nobody is wearing masks.

I met a guy who could remember every breast he’d ever seen

He had photographic mammary

Two identical twin brothers, George and Ted, turned 100. George's hearing was just as good as ever, but Ted was slightly deaf.

An attractive female photographer came to the retirement home to take the brothers' picture. "I'm going to take your picture," she said.

"What did she say?" asked Ted. "She says she's going to take our picture," replied George. So George and Ted followed the photographer to a room.

Ins...

Why did the optimist lose his job at the photographic processing lab?

He couldn't focus on the negatives.

Popeye was a really good photographer, Because he was

“Popeye DSLR man!”

What's the fastest way to earn money as a photographer?

By selling your camera.

I think my photographer was a Tony Stark fan.

Cause he died after snapping.

What does a Terrorist Photographer do?

Photobomb

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Did you know if you photograph your butt the picture will never come out blurry?

Hindsight is always 20/20.

Why did the photograph go to jail?

Indecent exposure

Why are photographers always so depressed?

Because they don’t do anything all day but focus on the negatives.

Why did the naked photographer get arrested?

Indecent exposure

Did you hear about the photographer who ran out of subjects?

He shot himself.

The New York Times recently published a new Hubble photograph of distant galaxies colliding.

Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble Space Telescope, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene.

What's the difference between young girls and photographs?

After putting them in a dark room, you have to wait for the photograph to fully develop.

Two weeks ago I got a job in a photographers dark room.

After an initial negative review, today my boss told me my talent is developing.

Why did the photographer fail his test?

Because he couldn't FOCUS

Did you hear about that photographer that got locked in his dark room?

By the time they found the body he'd died of exposure.

A bunch of Chinese people come to a photographer for passport photos...

The photographer saw the enormous work to guide each of the 50 people and told to himself:

-Well, they all look the same, I will do just one photo and will send a copy to each one. They wouldn't notice.

So, he did it and sent a copy to each one of them. The next day, a Chinese guy com...

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Inspired by some of my favorite subs like r/earthporn and r/roomporn, I decided to start a sub built around the most beautiful thing I’ve ever photographed.

Now my main account has been banned and the FBI is at my door to ask me about r/newbornporn. I think I could be in some trouble here.

My grandfather was a medical photographer who specialized in documenting infectious diseases. It's a miracle he survived well into his 80s...

Over the years, he told me he developed malaria, dengue, tuberculosis and dozens of unknown rashes.

A photographer had his lens fall off his camera

He was fined for indecent exposure.

Why did the Photographer kill himself?

A. He had a problem with perspective

I wish I had photographic memory

but it never developed

Before he passed, my grandfather was a professional photographer.

Oh how I miss good ol papa razzi

I got an email from my girlfriend. It said, "Can you send me a photograph of my best body part?"

So I emailed her back.

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Why are porn photographers never nervous?

They picture everyone naked.

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Japanese scientist have created a camera.

It has such an immense shutter speed, that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.

I have a Photographic memory

Unfortunately it's digital and it didn't come with a memory card.

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A professional photographer with a 10' penis was caught revealing himself to passers by on a busy high street yesterday

He's been arrested and charged for the long exposure.

People who like being photographed in natural light..

..should be taken outside and shot.

As the photographer snapped pictures, I posed provocatively and gave my most sultry looks to the camera, even grabbing my crotch for effect! I felt wild and sensual and free...

I went over to the computer to see the results, as I was keen to see if they had captured the essence of my being.

"I guess so." growled the officer. "Now let's go stand for the police lineup and then we'll be done here."

Ruining a photograph is not difficult.

I can do that with my eyes closed!

My friend's dad is a war photographer, but with a twist.

He goes into battlefields after the shooting's stopped and takes pictures of the aftermath.

The newspaper he works for got him a contract to take photos in Iraq. Well, this was just after the war broke out, and he couldn't just fly into the country, not while there was a war. So he flew into...

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...

which of course explains why so many photographers are broke.

Why do some photographers have such short attention spans?

Becuse they have a 80D

Martyrs

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in the cafe strip chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old now"

"Yes, I remember him as a baby"...

A photographer and a sniper meet in a bar.

Neither is aware of the other's occupation.
They talk about "how to take the perfect shot."
[A college student shows up, slams back both of their drinks and says "Thats how you take a shot!" ](#s)

What do you call someone who photographs fish?

A school shooter

Being married to a photographer is depressing...

...they're always looking at the negatives.

Humans advanced to the point of space domination and could create clones of themselves.

Two friends, Dill and Jeuk decided to play space tag. Dill was 'it'.

Jeuk had a clever trick up his sleeve. He created 50 clones of himself and hid them in the galaxy, while he himself hid in a cluster of comets.

After a lot of looking, Dill found the first clone in a nearby star syste...

What do you call an egyptian god with a photographic memory?

Cam-Ra

Twins celebrating their 102nd Birthday (Long)

The editor of a local paper hears about these two twins in the retirement home Harriet and Hazel who is celebrating their 102nd Birthday. He needs a feel-good story for filler so he sends down a photographer to snap some pictures.

He gets there and asks the twins if he can take their picture...

Why are photographers good problem solvers?

They have a knack at looking at things from a different perspective.

Did you hear about the bartender who almost got crushed to death at an Irish wedding?

The photographer told all the men to stand next to the one person who made their life worth living.

I dream of becoming a selfie photographer..

I can just picture myself doing it.

I was the photographer at a vegan wedding this weekend

They kept getting mad when I told them to say cheese.

Tried to take a photograph of some fog

Mist

When I was a kid I used to think I had a photographic memory.

All of my memories were blurred and cut off at the neck.

It was an amateur photographic memory.

The photographers of previous generations had it tough.

No matter how hard they tried, they always developed a negative image.

I have a photographic memory

I'm still developing it though.

I used to work in a darkroom developing photographs...

but I quit because there was too much negativity.

What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer?

A loose Canon.

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Pope taking a shower!

The Pope was having a shower and although he's very strict about celibacy, he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the papal wrist, and this happened to be one of those occasions. Just as he reached the Papal climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture of the Holy semen flying through the air...

What does a church photographer and Stephen Paddock have in common?

They're both mass shooters.

What does an arctic wildlife photographer get from sitting around too long?

Polaroids.

^I ^know, ^that ^was ^god ^awful.

I was an ISIS photographer for a while but got fired due to the way I was setting up the shots...

They said I kept cutting the heads off people.

Did you hear about the water thief-turned-photographer?

Apparently he was a great pitcher-taker.

(Credit goes to my husband.)

Why couldn't the photographer see straight?

He took too many shots.

What do cops and sports photographers have in common?

They get paid to shoot black men.

I'm working on a script about a mobster who attempts to reinvent himself as a professional photographer. I'm gonna call it...

*The Selfie Made Man.*

What did the photographer say when he retired?

"I can't take it anymore!"

Why do you never see any Stormtroopers as photographers?

They always miss the shot

A Photographer Hears About a Ghost Appearance...

It was said to be appearing that night, in an abandoned house. This was said to only happen every one hundred years. So, the photographer packs his equipment and goes to the house. Around midnight, the ghost appears. It turns out to be quite friendly, and consents to have its picture taken. The phot...

My wife and I had a horse-drawn wedding.

We should have just hired a photographer.

A photographer shot his subject with a Canon.

She was blown away.

You should send picture of your ex to NASA.

Apparently they are desperate to get a photograph of A hole that sucks all your time, light and energy.

Where does a digital photographer hang his work?

On a jpeg.

I once photographed a high school track team practice for the yearbook..

I guess you could call it *timed laps* photography.

I didnt do it!

It had been a long day in court & Larry was trying to get George to confess.
Larry: Admit it! You followed her home. Then, as she turned a corner, you stabbed her.

George: i didn't do it. I'm innocent.

Larry: Don't lie to me. Prints of your shoes were found in her garden.
...

Here's one for the photographers of reddit

Why was the photo of a wheat field rejected from Alamy? A=It had too much grain

When I was younger I wanted to become a pirate!

Now I am a photographer, because every pirate has to own a Canon.

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Job Profile

The CEO during a site visit to the office asks a young Manager "Yes smarty, What do you do?"

Manager (calmly) : "Sir, I'm the Sexual Advisor to the VP."

Pin drop silence ensues, photographer stops taking pictures, all others stop working and start looking around.

The CEO looks ...

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