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Photos Jokes

Why do vegans often look miserable in photos?

They don’t like to say ‘cheese’

My girlfriend was really angry when I gave her a box of photos of all her old boyfriends for her birthday.

I don't know why, she said she wanted an ex box.

Photos

An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented "These are very good! You must have a good camera."

He didn't make any comment, but, as he was leaving to go home he said "That was a really del...

Why do parents take so many photos?

Because they're saving for collage.

An easy way to make money is to take photos of salmon dressed in formal human clothes.

It’s like… shooting fish in apparel.

Why ate pessimists so good at developing photos

Because they always focus on negatives

My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

NSFW On a baking hot day, the Pope steps into the shower to cool down.

He is overcome by the urge to bang one out, and just as he releases the holy seed he sees a flash of reflected sunlight across the street through the open window and realises someone has been taking photos.
Furious, he gets on his shower intercom and demands the Swiss Guard find the photographer ...

A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend.

In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him.

To add injury to the insult, she said she wanted back the picture of herself that she had given him.

So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went...

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A woman grants her mother's unusual dying wish.

She specifically requested pictures of her right foot be sent to an address in Rhode Island.

A couple of days later, she realizes that reversed pictures of her mother's *left* foot were sent instead. Unsure of the importance, but determined to fulfill her wishes, the woman travels to Rhode Is...

Why was the plant developing photos?

It needed to photosynthesize

Sean Connery used to take photos of himself up against every bookcase he ever saw.

He loved his shelfies.

The toughest part about being an opera conductor is people calling you after each performance and asking you to send them photos of your pianist.

So many lawsuits...

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefu...

I finally figured out why I look so bad in photos.

It's my face.

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Richard Attenborough showed me a selection of photos of small African antelope penises.

It was Dick's dik-dik dick pic picks.

Husband and wife…………..

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

So the couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery....

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What do you call a very unattractive person who hands out naked photos of themselves?

A bearer of bad nudes.

Why can't you email photos to a Jedi?

Because attachments are forbidden

Why do narcissists take blurry photos ?

They can only focus on themselves

I realized why girls like tall men

Because it makes it easier to crop your head out of photos when you break up.

My mother was showing my new girlfriend some of my baby photos.

"Oh my goodness, you haven't changed at all!" said my girlfriend.

"Alright mum," I replied, "that's enough of the naked ones."

I started a business that takes stock photos of food

I call it Spaghetti images

Bakeries often ask me to pose for promotional photos with their products.

Apparently I'm an excellent roll model

What kind of photos do turtles take?

Shellfies

I love taking photos of myself standing next to boiling water.

My doctor says I have selfie steam issues.

The first high definition photos have been received from the Mars rover, Perseverance.

As I predicted, it has found a McDonalds with a drive-thru lane, and a Walmart Supercenter.

It has also started receiving calls from telemarketers.

The mothers of two IS fighters were exchanging kids photos..

One mother said, this is my son as a baby, and this is him growing up, him as a teenager and this is him last year as a man, just before he gave himself up for jihadi.

The other mother says, you know- they blow up so quick.

How do French people send photos of cats to each other?

They use Snapchat

I took photo of my flower.

Now it can photosynthesize.

Ghostly photos...

An enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom that lived in the spooky old mansion house at the edge of town.

When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, moaning and wailing and clanking chains....

All these celeb photos leaks...

I can't believe it's fappening again.

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I've been giving my friends t shirts with photos of them printed on it for their birthdays.

Half of them think it's hilarious, and half of them tell me how the fuck did I get this picture of them sleeping.

Panda Express fired me for emailing around photos of bad stir fry...

I guess I should have labelled them Not Safe for Wok...

Two Swedish models, Astrid and Ebba, are at a photoshoot

The photographer takes a few shots, takes a minute to switch to a different lens, spends some time adjusting the camera to the new lens, and then resumes.

After he's repeated this process a few times, Astrid gets visibly frustrated with the continual delays to the shoot. She turns to Ebba and...

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Why do Japanese people always look serious in photos?

Last time they saw a flash, it destroyed their country.

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If CNN released photos of Stormy Daniels & Trump

Do you know what he'd call them?



Fake Nudes.

Last year, the kids at the beach were all using hashtags in their photos...

This year, they will be using toe tags...

Why did Albert Einsten stick his tongue out in one of his iconic photos?

At the peak of his career he took matters lightly.

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A guy came back from having his photos done....

He was carrying the photos in his hand and was standing in the bus.
The bus stopped and he jerked forward, the photos fell out of his hand and went down under a woman's dress.

He bends downs and asks "Could you lift up your dress I gotta take those photos"

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I like to antagonize my roommate by keeping framed photos of his ex.

They're on shelves throughout the apartment. Hell, there are two in my room! Sometimes I call her when he's in the room. I even invite her to visit.

That's what that bastard gets for having dated my sister.

I was searching for bear photos

When I made a grizzly discovery

A bunch of Chinese people come to a photographer for passport photos...

The photographer saw the enormous work to guide each of the 50 people and told to himself:

-Well, they all look the same, I will do just one photo and will send a copy to each one. They wouldn't notice.

So, he did it and sent a copy to each one of them. The next day, a Chinese guy com...

I accidentally sent inappropriate photos to everyone in my address book

Not only is it embarrassing, it's cost me a fortune in stamps.

Your ability to combine photos into a beautiful and evocative display is amazing!

Well, I am a collage graduate.

I was in my attic yesterday looking for some old photos...

...when I came across the present that I was going to give to my daughter for her 3rd birthday last year.

It was a bit of a shame. She would have loved that kitten.

My wife showed me her baby photos.

She said, "Here's one of me when I was 3."

I replied, "Wow, and there's me thinking you were like a fine wine."

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What file format does Gordon Ramsay take photos in?

FUCKING RAW!

Why I don't trust photos taken from a cellphone camera

They seem...phony

A patient walked in to an office to find their doctor taking inappropriate photos...

"What are you doing, doctor?" The patient asked.



"It's alright, they're just medic pics."

What did Snow White say when her photos didn't arrive?

Some day my prints will come.

My friend showed me some of his childhood photos.

"These look nothing like you!" My friend responded "Why would they?"

I tried to take photos at a strip club

Everyone turned out to be over-exposed.

Lighting is very important when I take photos of myself.

Because if there isn't any, chances are it's a good photo.

How does Big Boss store his photos?

On a Solid Snake Drive 120 gb

sorry :\

Everyone who is concerned about facial recognition software / loosing your privacy because of photos in the internet...

Just wait until you hear about driver licenses.

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CNN recently released Suggestive photos of U.S. President Donald Trump

His first comments on the shocking reveal were the following: “Fake Nudes”

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A guy runs away and joins the French Foreign Legion...

...and a couple of squaddies show him around. "Here's where we camp, here's the toilet, and here's the camel for when you get horny."

"What?" the guy says, incredulous.

"Yeah," the squaddies say. "Here there are no women--not even photos are allowed."

"No way am I using that cam...

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The amusement park was taking photos of me on their rides without my consent

When i found out, i was fluming!

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