I invested into crypto currencies last year and can't stop checking the computer screen.

It's refreshing.

My friend got mad at me for screen peeking when we were playing against each other today

...it was online chess

Blonde dropped and cracked her phone screen.

​

Blonde 1: "Hey, I dropped my phone and the screen is cracked. Will they be able to fix this?"

Blonde 2: "Is it that bad?"

Blonde 1:: "See for yourself. I'll send you a screen shot."

\*After seeing the screenshot\*

Blonde 2: "Are you kidding me?"
<...

I never really understood what the "blue screen of death" meant

But when my self driving car had one the name started making a lot more sense

My son asked me why I only let him play Sim creation screen of the Sims but not the rest

I told him, 'It's character building.'

My daughter just cracked my new Iphone Xs screen, so I’m passing it back to a lucky commenter. Info below.

Girl, 7-year-old, can do basic math and alphabet, good at housework, overall a good child.

Roses are red,

My screen is blue, I think I deleted system32.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Want to come over and watch porn...

... on my flat screen mirror?

My iPhone screen went black but I can still hear my ringtone and answer phone calls

It's just an earPhone now.

Overheard Tim Cook this morning when reading Samsung news about bending screens:

That's it! iFold.

So, my child just broke my new iPhone X screen. So, here’s a give away to a random Redditor!

She’s about 7, can do math and housework. Anyone interested?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girlfriend reentered the room and looked at my computer screen.

"What the fuck is that?" she asked.

I said, "It's a woman masturbating."

"Why is this on your computer screen?"

"I thought you wanted to watch a chick flick."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Larry the Fighter Pilot

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Larry says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"

Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"

"Our wedding video"

I recently bought a 256GB iPhone X, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyway, I'm doing a giveaway.

The kid is 8 years old, cute, thin and not very tall.

As a middle aged man I love going up to pretty young women who are staring at their cellphone screens and asking

Are you my tinder date?

I've come up with a new screen resultion!!

The idea was thrown out, but I don't understand why, it was 0k

Apple came up with a tablet computer with touch screen, geared toward children.

They cancelled the product when they realized nobody wants to buy something called iTouch Kids.

Wrong E-mail Address

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they had spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota...

Hooters

Two men grow up together, but after college one moves to Maryland and
the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to
play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hoo...

What's the best screen grabber for Windows 10?

An Android phone.

I have an image of Jesus that pops up on my laptop if I leave it idle for 10 minutes...

It's my screen savior...

I hate it when mosquitoes land on my computer screen when I'm working...

...it's bugging my code

First time printing 3D on a screen

**D** **D** **D**

I Got a case for my iPhone even though the screen is already cracked

So basically it's like putting a condom on my kid's head.

What do women and screen doors have in common?

The more you bang them, the looser they get.

Saw a good one earlier and got inspired to do something similar

I'll give it try. Since this is my first ever post on this sub, I hope you guys let me down easy.


One day, Larry walked past a TV store. On the screen of the fattest flat-screen TV, a national news-broadcast was running a story about an object from outer space on a collision course with E...

The ending of Avengers endgame:

A bunch of names scrolling across the screen.

They charged me money to print out a screen shot of UFC fight night.

It was paper view.

If only Steve Irwin wore sun screen.

He could have been protected from harmful rays.

What do the game over screen in the Legend of Zelda and disgruntled redditors have in common?

Link is dead

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why don't they show porn on an IMAX screen?

Because they can't fit your mum on the screen

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer.

They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. Th...

iPhone 8 Screen

[REMOVED]

I am such an idiot.

I took a date to the movies the other night. When the message came up on the screen to silence our cell phones, my date looked frustrated. She stood up and started to leave.

I said, "What's wrong? You can't sit through a movie without your phone on?"

"No," she said, "I left it in the c...

How does a computer get drunk?

It takes screen shots.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I've not posted to r/advice before & I'm on mobile so please forgive any spelling errors, I'm on a small screen. My neighbour has a large, untrained dog, he is tied up in the yard most days, but has broken the chain several times now and when that happens he chases my cat and shits all over my lawn.

I wouldn't mind so much, but now the dog has started to do it too.

I'm so white

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

&#x200B;

... my laptop screen dims as I sit in front of it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

TIL Doctors can screen for STDs by placing a feather along the skin between the penis and the butthole.

Doctors don't use this screening method, however, because the test tickles.

A good Russian joke about Russians :)

It goes smth like this (I may have modified some parts slightly so that it would sound better in English).

For their new research, several sociologists have designed a device that registers every expletive used in the immediate vicinity to determine how often swearing words are used by differ...

What do you call a room full of men watching the Super Bowl on a big screen TV?

The Patriots

Every time my phone screen goes black...

I wonder if it'll ever come back.

Don’t know what was wrong with the delivery driver this morning.

He was all smiles until I signed his touch screen thing, then he got all shouty and mad.

I was so scared I dropped my sharpie and just closed the door.

John walks into a bar and sees a strange man in the corner.

This man in the corner was no ordinary man, as this man had a giant orange head. John walks to the bartender and says "Hey, what's up with the guy in the corner with the big orange head?" The bartender replies, "If you buy him a drink, he'll tell you his story." John was very interested in this man,...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man left for a vacation to Jamaica. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail message.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving wi...

Why do they like to watch Star Wars on the big screen on aircraft carriers?

They're all about force projection.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Famous people answer the ubiquitous question, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

**TEACHER**: To get to the other side.


**PLATO**: For the greater good.


**ARISTOTLE**: It is in the nature of chickens to cross roads.


**SOCRATES**: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road?


**HIPPOCRATES**: Because of an excess of phlegm in i...

A man from Maine heads to Florida for a weekend trip.

A man from Maine heads to Florida for a weekend trip. The man’s wife is coming to see him the next day. He checks into a hotel room and opens his laptop. He sends her a brief email to let her know he got to his destination safely. Unfortunately, he makes a typo in the address and the email is sent t...

My friend asked me why I haven't texted him in such a long while, I replied, "My phone screen broke and now it's completely unusable...

so I lost touch."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Small penises are like iPhones with cracked screens...

They serve their purpose but nobody really wants one.

I don't need pictures of my wife on my phone to remind me of her.

The screen has a massive crack in it.

I live in constant fear

I live in constant fear that one day while I’m least suspecting it someone might break in to burglarize and kill my mother-in-law, who lives at 375 Woodland Ave in the light blue house, only one dog who is friendly and no alarm set, always leaves the kitchen window unlocked and without screen, sleep...

They say stealth planes make your radar signature smaller, so you show up to the radar just like a small bird

"Sir, we think we've spotted a pigeon on the radar screen."

"Well what's unusual about that?"

"Well the pigeon is flying at about mach 2."

An architect

An architect storms into the CEOs office holding a towel to his bloody nose. "Good God, man, what happened to you!?" the CEO exclaimed.

"Sir, the lead architect on the Legend project just punched me in the face for questioning his designs, which frankly are impossible. Take a look." The ar...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is told by his employer that he has to go see the company doctor in order to keep his insurance...

He reluctantly goes, and is amazed to find no examination table, just a wall full of computer equipment. The doctor walks in and says, "Just place your hand on the scanner here" and shows the man a screen. Bewildered, he places his hand on the screen and immediately the panel glows beneath his hand,...

One day Stalin decides to go to the cinema in disguise and hear what people are really saying about him.

When the newsreel comes on the audience stands up and applauds each time he appears on the screen. Stalin is pleased. Modestly, he himself remains seated. After a few moments the man next to him leans over and whispers
“Most people feel the same way you do Comrade, but you’ll be safer if you sta...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.

The husband puts ‘mypenis’ and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."