In Britain, when you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen.

And when you turn 16, you get a text from Prince Andrew.

A United States was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a "dear John" letter from his girlfriend.

In the letter she explained she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him.

To add injury to the insult, she said she wanted back the picture of herself that she had given him.

So the Marine did what any squared away Marine would do. He went ar...

A woman wanted to know how her husband would react if she left him. She wrote him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. She put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.

When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a numb...

If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN

You get them VERY ANGRY.

I'm good friends with 24 letters of the alphabet.

I hate you, I don't know why.

Why is E the nicest letter?

Because all the others are naughty.

What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.

Just a hint: I didn't ask a question.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: I'm afraid of random letters

Therapist: you are?

Me: "screams"

Therapist: Oh I see

Me: "continues to scream"

What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?

Me: What’s a pirates favorite letter?

Unwitting person just living their life: R?

Me: R’s what you’d think but it’s the C they love!

How do ghouls sign off a letter?

Best witches and worm regards

What is a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma’am

We’re cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:

1. Illegal Downloading

Why is the letter B the Popes favorite letter?

Because it is the holiest.

How should you send a cat a letter?

With USPSpspspsps

A cheating husband decided to write this letter to his wife:

"My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54 year-old, can no longer satisfy.

I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good
wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending ...

My russian boyfriend only writes in lowercase letters...

He doesn't like Capitalism

What word in the English language does the following: the first two letters signify a male, the first three letters signify a female, the first four letters signify a great, while the entire world signifies a great woman. What is the word?

Heroine

Today I went to the post office to mail 20 letters...

so I bought 20 stamps...and the clerk just handed them to me. So I said "Am I supposed to stick all these on myself?"...and she said "No. Stick them on the envelopes.."

What's a pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Sir,

We’re writing to you because you’ve violated copyright ...

Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"

Bobby: I is...

Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".

Bobby: I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.

What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?

An Envelope

I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I knelt down to help him pick his letters up.

Then I asked, "What's the word on the street?"

##

What did the letter P say to the letter Q?

Good god man, put some pants on!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

MEN'S HELP LINE - Letter of the Month

Hi John,

I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes h...

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its mea...

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding...

She got mad and said she's never playing scrabble with me again.

First 4 letters of Nevada is Neva

In case you were wondering when they would finish

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

P

Without a P, he is irate.

Two Letters

You know, when they forced Khruschev out, he sat down and wrote two letters to his successor. He said – “When you get yourself into a situation you can’t get out of, open the first letter, and you’ll be safe. When you get yourself into another situation you can’t get out of, open the second letter”....

I quit my new job as a mailman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”

My preferred pronoun is "letter"

I was born female, but I identify as mail

3 words, 17 letters. Say it, and I'm yours.

Omelette du Fromage

A letter gets sent to the White House addressed to "The World's Greatest President"

President Biden refuses to open it, seeing as though he hasn't earned the title, so he forwards it to Obama. Obama won't touch it and sends it to the estate of George H. W. Bush, who promptly forwards it to George W. W won't look at it and sends it to Reagan's Presidential Library, where Trump hap...

What do you call it when Vanna White turns a letter other than a consonant?

A vowel movement

My dad once told me a joke about unstamped letters

I never got it though.

The letters on my compass suddenly came to life to tell me I'm going the wrong way

I couldn't believe the NEWS!

A Tale Of Two Letters

Stalin, knowing that his time was short and that Khrushchev would be his eventual successor, summoned Nikita to a very private meeting. After telling Khrushchev how lonely it could get at the top, Stalin said: "I've left for you two letters containing my wisest counsel in the bottom drawer of the...

Bad news: a message in German sent 110 years ago by homing pigeon was just found.

Worse news: it was an acceptance letter to art school.

I got my letter of acceptance to urology school today.

It read:

'Well done. Ur-ine'

I heard a good way to let go of anger is write letters to the people you hate, and burn them.

Now I just have to figure out what to do with all the letters.

What do you call a protest consisting of the letters A, E, I, O, U and sometimes Y?

A vowel movement

A reporter asked trump what the letter J in Donald.J.Trump stands for ?

He replied " Jenius"

It starts with P, finishes with N and has 100 letters.

It is a postman.

What two words have the most letters?

Post office.

What contains the letters a,u, t, and s and is caused by vaccines?

Adults

A woman and her 4yo son are driving to a new drive through letter distribution service.

A woman is driving with her son in the back seat to a new drive through service that allows for letter and parcel drop offs without having to get out of the car. It's supposed to be convenient.

When she gets there to drop off her letter there's a boom gate and a sign that says, "this boom gat...

People think that “queue” is just “q” followed by 4 silent letters

But those letters aren’t silent.

They’re just waiting their turn.

The letters in the English alphabet go to the beach (don't ask me why). Every letter gets sunburned except W, X, Y and Z. Why?

They had UV protection in front.

Whats hairy on the outside, wet on the inside, starts with a "c", ends with a "t" and has the letters "u" and "n" in the middle?

A coconut

The hardest part about learning the alphabet is the first four letters;

The rest is just E-Z.

What's the second to last letter in the alphabet?

...

Because I want to know!?

(you have to say this one out loud to get it)

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Well, some people think its 'R', but that's just a hurtful stereotype.

Other people say that their true love is the 'C' which I can certainly understand...

But I find that it's actually the letter 'P', cause without it they're just irate.

My Teacher Always Prevented Me From Starting Each Word Of A Sentence With An Uppercase Letter ...

But She’s Not Here Now So I’m Going To Capitalize On This Opportunity.

I curled up crying when I got my rejection letter from the abortion clinic.

They said they didn't need anyone in the fetal position.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary."

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old boy toy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that l8 goes ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dave wanted to send a letter to his girlfriend..

So he goes to the nearby market to buy an envelope. Just as he is about to enter the store, a man rushes out the market, furious,yelling and swearing. Dave didn't want to get in the mans way and just lets him pass. He enters the store and finds the cashier, a young lady, crying.

"Is everythi...

Grandma Letter

She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.



She writes:



Dear Granddaughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a Honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just com...

What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?

Your spine

My favourite six letter word?

Dyslexia

I asked my wife, “I’m stuck on this crossword clue “Overworked Postman”— can you help?”

She said, “Sure. How many letters?”

Me: I’m guessing—- Too many.

When is a hen following the letter W

That’s it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address.

He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read: “Dear God, I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was a...

What is a pirate’s favorite letter? ....... “Arr”?

Aye

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.



Sincerely,



The Internet Provider

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist asked me to write letters to the people who have wronged me and then set them on fire.

I wrote it and set them on fire. Now what should I do with the letters?

P.S: Not OC. Taken from r/AskRedditAfterDark. As I was not allowed to crosspost posting as OC.

What are three two letter words that mean small

Is it in

Apparently, stating letters and their Scrabble values is a good idea...

...I for one agree.

What is the pirate's favourite letter?

Many would say C or P or even R, but it's X. Cause that's where the treasures is

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are two words that start with the letter x?

1. X-ray
2. X-nobody fucking remembers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pete writes a letter to Santa the day before Christmas. It says: "Dear Santa, please be so kind and give me 100$, I was a good kid this year and we are very poor".

He posts it and waits patiently. The next day one of tha mailmen opens it and reads the letter. He feels really sorry for the kid knowing he won't get the money.

The postman talks to other colleagues and they feel sorry for the poor kid too. They manage to assemble 50$ only. Although it's not...

Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed
was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and...

To whoever scribbled over one letter of my James Joyce book cover, I will get revenge.

Ulysse

What has 2 syllables but hundreds of letters?

Postman

Student: For the life of my I cannot remember what the 21st letter of the alphabet is.

Teacher: That sounds like a you problem

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

once upon a time there was a village where everyone was named after letters of the Alphabet.

Also everyone referred to one another as "person".

"Hello person"
"How are you person"
Greetings, fellow person!"

and so on.


Anyways one day an outsider wanders into the village and he is being introduced to everyone by the village guide.

"This, is person A. Tha...

What did r/Jokes say when the second number met the first letter?

2 met A.

Someone asked me what the 9th letter of the Alphabet was.

It was a complete guess, but I was right.

LGBTQ?? How many letters are they going to add to it?

I mean seriously! You can't understand an acronym with that many letters in it. LMFAO!

What’s a pirates least favourite letter?

Dear sir,

Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.

Sincerely, your service provider.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL why Americans removed the letter U from the British spelling of words like humour and colour.

Because Fuck U, that's why.

The Local sheriff was looking for a new deputy. When a blonde walks in to try for the job, he asks her "Okay, what is 1 and 1?"

"Eleven", she replies.

The sheriff thinks to himself, "That's not what I wanted, but I guess she’s right!"

"What two days of the week begin with the letter T?" he asks.

"Today and Tomorrow", the blonde answers.

The sheriff is again surprised that the blonde has supplied a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A scoutmaster and his girlfriend go hiking in the woods...

They take a break in a rocky clearing with odd writing. After a while, they get frisky, and decide to play a little game called hide the sausage. They look around for people even though they’re in the middle of nowhere. It seems all clear and they go for it. Little did they know, they were in the mi...

I was sending letters to a kid with cancer

I told him, "the road ahead will be filled with bumps and dips, but soon, it'll straighten out." no one noticed I was talking about his heart rate monitor.

I think if we just took this time to discuss the uselessness of the letter z in the English language, the world would be a much better place.

Thank you for coming to my zed talk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy was told to get the first five letter of the alphabet for school by asking his family

A six-year-old goes to school and his homework was to go ask his family for the first 5 letters of the alphabet. he goes home. he asks his mom who was taking a nap what is the first letter of the alphabet

the mom says "shut up I'm tired" .he makes a not in his mind about it

he then goe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: I'm terrified of random letters

Therapist: You are?

Me: *SCREAMS*

Therapist: Oh I see

Me: *SCREAMING INTENSIFIES*

Jack decided to go skiing with his best buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack’s minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone ...

With all my high level degrees and PHD's, I stumbled upon these questions.........

1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?...

English is weird. Sometimes the letter 'c' is pronounced like 's', but other times not.

Source: course

There are so many letters added to LGBT nowadays,

it may as well be called LGBTLDR

Why did Stalin write only in lowercase letter?

Because he hated capitalism.

To the person who invented the letter after X

why??

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

Which word has 6 letters, starts with an N and ends with an R and is related to a Race

NASCAR

A young couple in poverty give birth to identical twins.

After much consideration they decide that the best thing for the baby boys would be to give them up for adoption so that they can have a better shot in life. One boy goes to a Spanish family who name him Juan, the second goes to an Indian family who name him Amal.

18 years pass when the birth...

Put these letters together to form a word. P N E I S Clue: a body part that is very important when erect.

The answer is spine.

Really frustrating when autocorrect comes up with a *completely* different word just because you typed one letter wrong.

Someone told me there’s an easy fix,
I just hope they’re Rihanna.

Husband doing crossword with his wife

Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.

Wife: Never

H: Pistol, 3 letters.

W: Gun

H: Disgust, 3 letters.

W: Ugh

H: Charity, 4 letters.

W: Give

H: Female sheep, 3 letters

W: Ewe

H: Pixar movie, 2 letters

W: Up

I have this pathological fear of two letter words.

I get incredibly scared just thinking about it.

A guy asks for a condom in a drugstore.

The clerk tells him –“I need to know how wide are you to give you the correct size”. He tells her he has no idea. So pharmacist hands him a wooden board with different diameter holes in it and tells him to go to bathroom and measure. He comes back 15 minutes letter and tells her – “The Hell with th...

Out of the 26 letters, only E got presents for Christmas.

The other letters were not-E.

What has 4 letters, seldom 5 letters, but always has 6 letters.

Edit: Often has 5, seldom has 6!

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.