A woman wanted to know how her husband would react if she left him. She wrote him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. She put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.

When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a numb...

A girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters!

‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’
After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’
‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter..

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. Bu...

Why do Bri'ish people never pronounce the letter 't' ?

Because they drank it all

Letters between a father and son

Dear son;

Your mother and I love you very much, and we miss you dearly ever since you went to prison. I especially miss you now that spring is here, and it is time to plow the fields. The ground is hard, and my back is old. I am afraid I will never be able to plant the crops in time.
...

My sister came up with this. What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it

Post office

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...

Do I Keep The Letters?

In Britain, when you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen.

And when you turn 16, you get a text from Prince Andrew.

One single day is all I lasted as a Mailman. Turned up on time in my shiny new uniform, was handed a letter and thought to myself..

.. this isn't for me.

A man goes to the Doctor and says: "Help, Doc. I'm scared of letters."

Doctor: Are you?

Man: Aahh!

Doctor: Oh, you are.

Man: Aaaaahhhhh!

Doctor: It's okay , I see!

Man AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?

A: Envelope

What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.

Just a hint: I didn't ask a question.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist told me to write letters to the people I hate and burn them

I did the latter. Now what do I do with the letters?

I only know 25 letters of the Alphabet

I don't know Y

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding!

She got mad and said she is never playing Scrabble with me again!

If you rearrange the letters of Postmen

they get very angry.

Me - “What’s a 3 letter word for compete?”

Dracula - “Vie.”

Me - “It’s for a crossword.”

I saw this on Twitter(@clichedout) and it made me smile so hopefully someone else will get a kick out of it.

One day, I asked my English Teacher, "Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H ...in Hour, Honour. ...etc. ...??????

My English Teacher said, " We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent "....... (I was even more confused .....?????)
During the lunch break, my Teacher gave me her packed lunch and asked me to heat it in the Cafeteria.
I ate all the food and returned her the empty container. ....!!!!!...

Why is Italy shaped like a backslash and not the letter I?

Because it is in "italics".

I'm quite a normal person, I'm very good friends with twenty five letters of the alphabet..

I don't know why...

I asked my wife, “I’m stuck on a crossword clue—Overworked Postman— can you help me?”

She said, “Sure. How many letters?”

I said, “I’m guessing—too many.”

What's the turkey's favorite letter of the alphabet?

Gobble-You!

Note: my six year old made up this joke.

What’s the last letter in the fascist alphabet ?

I’m not so sure... all I know is it’s “not z”

During the Middle Ages, a young prince is relaxing in his palace waiting for a love letter from a princess in the next kingdom.

A pigeon flies in holding a letter in its beak. The prince takes the letter, opens it and reads:

"Limited time special: Get your sword polished for only 5 gold coins."

A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend.

In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him.

To add injury to the insult, she said she wanted back the picture of herself that she had given him.

So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went...

A friend and I went to a chiropractor exam and we had to unscramble the letters PEINS

He wrote SPINE, he's a chiropractor now and I spend all my time on reddit.

I discovered a new letter of the alphabet

But it's hard to type

Poor Prince Phillip...

99 years old, he just missed out on getting a letter from his wife.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man placed an advertisement, "Wife wanted". The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing: You can have mine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who gets letters to god?

A little girl wanted a bike real bad. She begged her parents every day to get her a bike but they couldn't afford the one she wanted. It cost $100.00. One day her mom just had enough and told her to pray for a bike. Weeks went by until the little girl was tired of praying and thought god might see a...

accidentally swallowed a bag of scrabble letters

my next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

Doing a crossword puzzle I came across a clue “Part of the body where you might insert a plug. 3-Letters”

Turns out the correct answer is “EAR”. I was way off.

Christmas Letters To Santa

Who gets the Christmas letters to Santa from dyslexic children? Alas not Santa.

A man sent love letters to his crush for years, and even one day wrote, that he was going to be visiting her house, when he showed up, she asked “who are you”

The man should have considered that he was a doctor and all she knew was his handwriting

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scarabble letters on the road.

I asked him "what's the word on the street?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A letter from an Irish mother

Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well.

You won't recognise the house when you get home - we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 2...

What's a pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Sir,

We’re writing to you because you’ve violated copyright ...

What’s long, hard, bendable and contains the letters p, e, n, i and s?

A spine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: I'm afraid of random letters

Therapist: you are?

Me: "screams"

Therapist: Oh I see

Me: "continues to scream"

My son only knows the first 10 letters of the Alphabet

Turns out we sent him to a pre-k school.

What do you call 26 letters chipping in to make a big gamble?

An alpha bet.

Why is E the nicest letter?

Because all the others are naughty.

I have always thought that the second letter in the word “Hive” is quite beautiful, after all .....

Beauty is in the I of the bee holder.

Fact: Q is the only letter that isn’t in any American state name.

And as such, believers in Q don’t belong in America

I unscrambled the letters to spell “anger” “hate” “spite” and “malice”

It was a cross word puzzle.

My teacher just asked our class if we could name the 5th and 26th letters of the alphabet.

I said “Yeah that’s E Z”

I'm a fruit. If you take away my first letter, I'm a body part. If you take away my first and last letter, I suck. What am I?

pear

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

MEN'S HELP LINE - Letter of the Month

Hi John,

I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes h...

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its mea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Simple Economics

SOCIALISMYou have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISMYou hav...

What five letters are the most feared in the NCAA Tournament?

COVID

What is the coolest letter in the alphabet?

B, because it is in between the AC.

What’s a pirates favorite letter?

R? Wrong it’s the C

One day, a little boy decides to write his Christmas letter as usual. When all of a sudden, his mom pops into his room.

Mom: What are you doing son?

Boy: Writing my letter to santa mom

Mom: With how bad you've been this year you'll have to write a letter to Jesus to get anything!

So the boy starts to write his letter to Jesus, and has to think about what he's going to say.

'Dear Jesus, I'v...

My girlfriend said she'd leave me if I couldn't find a twelve letter word that means "obstructive".

I think it's unreasonable.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Genie: You have two wishes left

Me: I wish the letter G was the letter P instead

Penie: And your final wish?

Me: I wish that every E at the end of a word was an S instead

Penis:

Ms: Nics

Why didn't NASA name apollo rockets with letters?

Because if Apollo F crashed with all it's crew, they would have to make an Apollo G.

I was once in a diner and a man was choking. The waitress called out “Help, does anyone know CPR?!” “Yes!” I cried. “They’re three letters in the alphabet!” Everyone laughed

Well, except for one guy, I guess he didn’t get the joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recently received a letter about my donkey dying, but as I was reading it, a gust of wind caught it and blew it up into the sky.

It became an ass ending sending ascending.

A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is. A boy at the back puts up his hand and says "G". The teacher says,

"Why is that Angus?"

English to become the official European language

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. 

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement an...

What is a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

You'd think it would be 'r' but it be the 'c'

John and his girlfriend Mary decide to become bank-robbers.

Mary does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while John waits outside as the getaway driver. They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and they become folk-heroes. Until one day their luck runs out and they get caught.

At trial, the judge condemns ...

I quit my new job as a mailman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

"Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance. They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation. They should be e...

Anybody know someone that wants to buy letter openers, staplers, pens, and other office supplies?

Most of it is labeled with Capital Hill or U.S. Senate but it's all usable. Let me know! Thanks.

What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?

Me: What’s a pirates favorite letter?

Unwitting person just living their life: R?

Me: R’s what you’d think but it’s the C they love!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist asked me to write hate-letters to all my enemies and burn them

He didn't tell me what to do with those damn letters though.

A cheating husband decided to write this letter to his wife:

"My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54 year-old, can no longer satisfy.

I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good
wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending ...

My russian boyfriend only writes in lowercase letters...

He doesn't like Capitalism

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rearrange these letters to from words

1.pneis
2.buttsxe

Did u get *spine* and *subtext*

yeah neither did i

Why don't British people pronounce the letter 't'?

Because the Americans threw it in the ocean.

ALTERNATE PUNCHLINE: Because they drank it all.

Back when I was in elementary school one of my teachers would have a letter of the day and then pick one of the students to say something about the letter of the day.

One day I got picked and the letter of that day was N so I got asked, "Jeff, why don't you use the letter of the day, N, and tell us something that you're not very good at that starts with the letter N." I stood up next to my desk and said... Spelling

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The difference a letter makes

Had a buddy who couldn't tell the difference between gilding and gelding

Very brave though

Real brass balls on the guy

What's a four letter word ending with 'K' that means intercourse?

Talk.

My wife accused me of cheating when she found a hidden letter...

I should've known better than to hide my X in the closet.

Did you know facists love 25 of the 26 letters?

Not "z".

What did the skunk do with all their love letter?

They scent them.

A college student writes a letter to his parents back home.

Dear Mom and Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. My profe$$or$ are al$o $uper cool! With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Mi$$ you guy$!
<...

How do ghouls sign off a letter?

Best witches and worm regards

I asked Reddit to letter-grade my looks. Their opinions were wildly different.

I was in tiers.

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.



Sincerely,



The Internet Provider

Dear Dad

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. ...

My dad once told me a joke about unstamped letters

I never got it though.

People think that “queue” is just “q” followed by 4 silent letters

But those letters aren’t silent.

They’re just waiting their turn.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"?

In the classroom the teacher is asking a student to do something.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I."

Student: I is the ...

Teacher: Stop! Never put "is" after "I." Always put 'am' after "I."

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

I wrote a reference letter while high on cannabis

I highly recommended him.

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.

He wrote: ”I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?”
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, “I’ve been operating this hotel for many years.”“In all that tim...

What is Beyonce's favorite letter?

o o O o o o o o o o o O

3 words, 17 letters. Say it, and I'm yours.

Omelette du Fromage

What's my favourite xmas song? The one about the 25 letter alphabet.

Nooo L, nooo L, nooooo L, no L

What contains the letters a,u, t, and s and is caused by vaccines?

Adults

Can you name the 3 NFL team's mascots that start with the letter "F"?

The Falcons, the Fourty-Niners and the F***ing Dolphins!

What word in the English language does the following: the first two letters signify a male, the first three letters signify a female, the first four letters signify a great, while the entire world signifies a great woman. What is the word?

Heroine

Friendly Letters

When I saw the letter h-i while reading the alphabet, I thought I finally had made a friend....

.... but the I saw the next two letters...

It starts with P, finishes with N and has 100 letters.

It is a postman.

First 4 letters of Nevada is Neva

In case you were wondering when they would finish

Anyone else tired of how long it takes the USPS to mail a package or letter this time of year?

It’s part of DeJoy of Christmas.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Well, some people think its 'R', but that's just a hurtful stereotype.

Other people say that their true love is the 'C' which I can certainly understand...

But I find that it's actually the letter 'P', cause without it they're just irate.

How Canada got its name...

They figured out the fairest way to name their country was to pull letters out of a hat. So they gathered around and a guy started pulling letters...

*pulls letter* "C, eh."

*pulls another* "N, eh."

*pulls another* "D, eh."

And that's how Canada got its name.

"Mansplain" is a terrible word to use

because it has more letters than explain and is therefore more difficult for women to understand.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is taking his first ever flight

A man is taking his first ever flight and he's very excited. He's wanted to fly on a plane ever since he was a little boy. He's especially excited about the prospect of who he could be seated next to. His mind full with anticipation over the possibilities- it could be a celebrity, his favorite athle...

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was sur...

The letters in the English alphabet go to the beach (don't ask me why). Every letter gets sunburned except W, X, Y and Z. Why?

They had UV protection in front.

Which word has 6 letters, starts with an N and ends with an R and is related to a Race

NASCAR

A man suspected his wife was cheating on him, so when he left town, he hired a famous Chinese detective to investigate. A few days later, he received this letter:

Most Honorable Sir,

You leave house, he come to house. He and she leave house, I follow. He and she go to hotel, I climb tree to see. He kiss she, she kiss he. He strip she, she strip he. I play with me, I fall out of tree, I not see.

No fee,

Chen Lee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: I'm terrified of random letters

Therapist: You are?

Me: *SCREAMS*

Therapist: Oh I see

Me: *SCREAMING INTENSIFIES*

A reporter asked trump what the letter J in Donald.J.Trump stands for ?

He replied " Jenius"

Whats hairy on the outside, wet on the inside, starts with a "c", ends with a "t" and has the letters "u" and "n" in the middle?

A coconut

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.