I was passing by my son's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow, addressed to, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands...

"Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy.

She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of al...

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding.

She was absolutely furious and said she’s never going to play scrabble with me ever again

Edit:
I’m aware it dosnt’ look right the way I wrote it ,but you get the gist

A gentleman is preparing to board a plane, when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight.

“This is exciting,” thinks the gentleman. “Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.”

Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope begins a crossword puzzle. Almost immediately, the Pope turns to the gentleman and says, “Excuse...

Teacher : Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".

Student : I is the ...

Teacher : Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student : OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN...

They become VERY ANGRY

Why did karl marx always spell his name in lowercase letters?

Because he wanted to abolish all forms of capital

I quit my job as a postman the first day right after they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”

When I was a kid, I had a 26 card deck for each letter of the alphabet.

I managed to lose every one of them, except my V card.

What is a pirates favorite letter?

You’d think it’d be Rrr but ‘tis the C!

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Sir,

We have terminated your internet service due to illegal copyright violation practices.

Sincerely,

Your ISP

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. Bu...

My therapist told me to write letters to all the people I hate and then burn them.

I don’t know what to do with all these letters now.

What has 4 letters, sometimes has 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.

Hint: has 4 letters.

Another hint: there is no question mark.

Is there an “f” in lieutenant?

A major arrives at a remote post. “Where’s your lieutenant?” he asks a private.

“Sir, there isn’t a lieutenant assigned to this post.”

“I was told there was.”

“No, sir, no lieutenant here.”

“I’m pretty sure there is.”

The private thinks about it...

I'm very close friends with 25 letters of the alphabet

I don't know why

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Dave wanted to send a letter to his girlfriend..

So he goes to the nearby market to buy an envelope. Just as he is about to enter the store, a man rushes out the market, furious,yelling and swearing. Dave didn't want to get in the mans way and just lets him pass. He enters the store and finds the cashier, a young lady, crying.

"Is everythi...

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Not, not "Argh." Too obvious.

Not the "C" either. Everyone has heard that one.

"Without a P he's irate hahahahaha!" Blah blah blah. Nope.

Give up?

A letter of marque. It makes his profession semi legitimate, provides for a legal way to store his wealth in his homeland, an...

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Arrr?

Aye, it be the Sea...

When people began using the alphabet, they only used 25 letters.

Nobody knew why.

What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

Short

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said "today I am going to give you a letter and I want you to give me a word that begins with that letter."

So the teacher says "A" and Little Johnny immediately raises his hand but the teacher knows he will say asshole so she calls on Little Mary and she says "apple."

"Very good" the teacher replied. "Okay, how about the letter B"

Little Johnny once again immediately raises his hand and s...

I got a letter from Ikea

When I opened it to see what it was about, I noticed it was in a different language. Unfortunately I just couldn't put it together.

What’s a frat boy zebra’s favorite letter?

Z, bruh.

What's long, hard and bendable and contains the letters p, e, n, i, s?

Your spine

My kid just stacked some letter blocks like so:

F

F

U

T

S

S

I

H

T

You couldn't make this stuff up.

An old man gets a letter from the IRS

Just kidding, the IRS is shut down right now.

People don't even pay attention

I bet you $13456324567 dollars you didn't read that number. You just skipped right over it. You didn't even realize I put a letter in it. No I didn't but you went back and looked.

Have a good day!!

What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?

P. It’s like an R but it lost a leg.

Which 3 letters in the alphabet are the smelliest?

IBS.

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them...

I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?

Canada got its name from a hat full of random letters.

The first one was C eh. The next one was N eh and the last one was D eh.

I have this wierd irrational fear of two letter words.

I get extremely scared just thinking about it.

What starts with "e," ends with "e," and contains one letter?

An envelope.

I got a rejection letter from Origami University today.

I’m not sure what to make of it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have noth...

Whats the word from which no matter how many letters you remove, it still remains the same?

Postman, ha gotcha

E is the most commonly used letter.

I was shocked

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations,

the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be d...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I badly broke my leg and whilst I was asleep in the hospital someone wrote “Fucking Idiot” in huge letters on my cast

Talk about adding insult to injury.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Kindergarten Teacher: Let's name a word that starts with each letter of the alphabet...

Teacher says, "Okay, let's start with letter A."
Little Johnny raises hand, teacher calls on him and he says "Ass, ass starts with the letter A." Teacher scolds Johnny and tells him it's inappropriate to talk like that in school.

Teacher then asks the class, "Who knows a word that starts ...

What do stalkers and the letter V have in common?

They're always behind U

What do you get when you put Scrabble letters in a leaf blower?

The Welsh Language

Why doesn't the Russian alphabet have upper case letters?

Because they're anti-capitalists.

Hnestly, I dn't like typing the 15th letter f the alphabet

I think it's a little o pressing

Only 1 letter separates ‘champ’ from ‘chump’..

..and it’s U.

What is a pirate's favourite letter?

You thought it was the R but it's actually the C.

I'll see myself out.

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.

One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters “PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when erect."

Those...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the letter O say to Q?

Dude, your dick is hanging out.

What is a 4-letter word for a woman that ends with U-N-T

Aunt ... you sicko

Why was C afraid of every other letter in the alphabet?

Because all the other letters were not-C’s

"Can you tell me what the second to last letter in the alphabet is?"

"Y"

"So I can make a stupid joke"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'll never understand women, my wife said to me earlier: "Babe, I'm stuck on 6 across. 8 letters, fixed the highway?"

"Retarred." I replied.

Ungrateful bitch just threw the paper at me and stormed out.

I used to think capital letters weren't important

Then I helped my Uncle Jack off his horse

What's a pirate's favourite letter?

You'd think it would be "R" or "C", but it's actually "P", because without it, he'd be irate.

Times are tough and I wanted to make some easy extra cash for the holidays, so I took on a part time job as a postman. However, I quit on my first day, right after they handed me my first letter to deliver...

I looked at it and said, “This isn’t for me.”

Stanley the Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for his driver's license and the first thing they had him do was take an eyesight test. The optician showed him the chart with the letters, "C Z W I X N O S T A C Z."

"Can you read this?" asked the optician.

Excitedly, Stanley yelled, "Read it?! I know the guy!"

I got a letter that was just addressed to "You Idiot".

What bothers me is that the post office knew where to deliver it.

In class today, the kids were learning how to draw the letter P.

"Ok class, today I'm going to teach you how to draw the letter P."

*Teacher draws the letter P on the white board*

"Now you try."

*All the kids try to draw the letter P*

The teacher notices one kid in the back of the class shaking after drawing it.

"Very good class...

What color is the letter M?

Pastel

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

On Monday morning, the teacher walked to the blackboard and noticed someone had written the word "penis" in tiny letters.

She turned around, but couldn't find the guilty face. She quickly erased it and began her class.

Tuesday, she was again greeted with "penis" on the blackboard, written in larger letters. She looked around in vain for the culprit, and then proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning ...

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Blackbeard, you have won an all-expenses-paid 3 month Caribbean cruise! Please send your credit card information and social security number to enter a sweepstakes for the greatest treasure in the West Indies! Regards, Pedro de Alvarado, Spanish Empire Sales Representative

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the 25 letters that hated Jews?

They were not z's.

When Canada was being formed, they couldn't agree on what to name the new country.

They figured they'd at least need to figure out what the first letter should be. There were a few suggestions.

The first guy said "C, eh?"

The next said "N, eh?"

The third said "D, eh?"

And thus, Canada was born.

An Arab student studying in Germany wrote a letter to his dad

Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.

Your son, Nasser.

The next day, Nasser gets a reply to hi...

What’s a ten letter word that starts with gas?

Automobile

I'm a fruit. If you take away my first letter, I'm a body part. If you take away my first and last letter, I suck. What am I?

pear

What is the best letter to get rid of in your alphabet?

Your X.

My mailman friend tells a lot of jokes about undelivered letters.

But no one seems to get them.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's a 6-letter word that starts with the letter “n”, has 2 vowels in it, the letter "r" in it, and perfectly describes black people?

Normal.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Isn't it weird that KFC is one letter away from fuck?

New slogan: KFC, all that's missing is U

There were plans to change the design of the 21st letter of the alphabet but Ed Sheeran stopped them

He’s in love with the shape of u

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Have you ever wondered why letters are used to define bra sizes?

{A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!

My nephew's friend Jose, who is only 8, wrote three letters to the White House

this past year requesting immigration policy reform.

But they haven't even written back or acknowledged that they've read them.

"It's almost like talking to a wall," he says.

What's the first letter of the Canadian alphabet?

Eh

Sign up today for a new 24 letter alphabet.

No BS.

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, “what’s the word on the street?”

Asian Family School Letter Grading Scale Explained:

A=Average
B=Below Average
C=Can’t eat dinner tonight
D=Don’t come home
E/F=Exit the Family/ Find a new Family

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A farmer gets a letter

A humble farmer goes out to his mailbox, seeing that a letter has arrived.

"Dear Ronald J. Kse,

This year we have chosen you to be the host of this year's harvest reap! All you need to do is provide your humble farm as the place of the party, and we will all provide.

Thanks, you...

Queue is Just Q followed by 4 Silent letters

Teacher: Queue is Just Q followed by 4 Silent letters
Me: They aren't Silent, They are waiting their turn

How many letters do you need to spell 'Panda'?

Just Two.

What do you call a country that hates the 5th letter of the alphabet?

Haiti

If being Russian means saying the letter b like the letter v...

Then Soviet

What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

I,I,R,C,C,C,C,C,C,C

Why? Well, let me say it another way...

Aye-aye, Arrr and the seven seas.