A woman wanted to know how her husband would react if she left him. She wrote him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. She put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.

When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a numb...

In Britain, when you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen.

And when you turn 16, you get a text from Prince Andrew.

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Me: I'm afraid of random letters

Therapist: you are?

Me: "screams"

Therapist: Oh I see

Me: "continues to scream"

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MEN'S HELP LINE - Letter of the Month

Hi John,

I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes h...

Why is the letter B so cold?

Because it’s between the AC.

A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend.

In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him.

To add injury to the insult, she said she wanted back the picture of herself that she had given him.

So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went...

I quit my new job as a mailman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its mea...

What contains the letters a,u, t, and s and is caused by vaccines?

Adults

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding.

She got really mad and said she’s never gonna play scrabble with me ever again.

How do you spell the word “candy” with only two letters?

c and y

If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN

They get really upset.

I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don’t know y.

If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN...

They become VERY ANGRY.

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Dave wanted to send a letter to his girlfriend..

So he goes to the nearby market to buy an envelope. Just as he is about to enter the store, a man rushes out the market, furious,yelling and swearing. Dave didn't want to get in the mans way and just lets him pass. He enters the store and finds the cashier, a young lady, crying.

"Is everythi...

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A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary."

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old boy toy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that l8 goes ...

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What was Hitler's favorite letter?

Definitely not C.

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My therapist asked me to write letters to the people who have wronged me and then set them on fire.

I wrote it and set them on fire. Now what should I do with the letters?

P.S: Not OC. Taken from r/AskRedditAfterDark. As I was not allowed to crosspost posting as OC.

The last four letters of 'queue' are not silent

They're just waiting their turn.

What are three two letter words that mean small

Is it in

People think that “queue” is just “q” followed by 4 silent letters

But those letters aren’t silent.

They’re just waiting their turn.

Grandma Letter

She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.



She writes:



Dear Granddaughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a Honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just com...

I asked my wife, “I’m stuck on this crossword clue “Overworked Postman”— can you help?”

She said, “Sure. How many letters?”

Me: I’m guessing—- Too many.

What has 4 letters, sometimes has 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.

Hint: This is not a question.

My favourite six letter word?

Dyslexia

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?

Your spine

What’s a pirates favorite letter?

You’d think it would be R, but it’s actually the C.

To whoever scribbled over one letter of my James Joyce book cover, I will get revenge.

Ulysse

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But what do I do with the letters?

My psychotherapist once told me that I should write letters to the people that did me harm and then burn them. But what do I do with the letters?

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Well, some people think its 'R', but that's just a hurtful stereotype.

Other people say that their true love is the 'C' which I can certainly understand...

But I find that it's actually the letter 'P', cause without it they're just irate.

Student: For the life of my I cannot remember what the 21st letter of the alphabet is.

Teacher: That sounds like a you problem

When is a hen following the letter W

That’s it

What did r/Jokes say when the second number met the first letter?

2 met A.

LGBTQ?? How many letters are they going to add to it?

I mean seriously! You can't understand an acronym with that many letters in it. LMFAO!

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A boy was told to get the first five letter of the alphabet for school by asking his family

A six-year-old goes to school and his homework was to go ask his family for the first 5 letters of the alphabet. he goes home. he asks his mom who was taking a nap what is the first letter of the alphabet

the mom says "shut up I'm tired" .he makes a not in his mind about it

he then goe...

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What are two words that start with the letter x?

1. X-ray
2. X-nobody fucking remembers

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Pete writes a letter to Santa the day before Christmas. It says: "Dear Santa, please be so kind and give me 100$, I was a good kid this year and we are very poor".

He posts it and waits patiently. The next day one of tha mailmen opens it and reads the letter. He feels really sorry for the kid knowing he won't get the money.

The postman talks to other colleagues and they feel sorry for the poor kid too. They manage to assemble 50$ only. Although it's not...

What starts with 'e' and ends with 'e' and only has one letter in it?

envelope

Someone asked me what the 9th letter of the Alphabet was.

It was a complete guess, but I was right.

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once upon a time there was a village where everyone was named after letters of the Alphabet.

Also everyone referred to one another as "person".

"Hello person"
"How are you person"
Greetings, fellow person!"

and so on.


Anyways one day an outsider wanders into the village and he is being introduced to everyone by the village guide.

"This, is person A. Tha...

I was sending letters to a kid with cancer

I told him, "the road ahead will be filled with bumps and dips, but soon, it'll straighten out." no one noticed I was talking about his heart rate monitor.

Put these letters together to form a word. P N E I S Clue: a body part that is very important when erect.

The answer is spine.

To the person who invented the letter after X

why??

Really frustrating when autocorrect comes up with a *completely* different word just because you typed one letter wrong.

Someone told me there’s an easy fix,
I just hope they’re Rihanna.

Husband doing crossword with his wife

Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.

Wife: Never

H: Pistol, 3 letters.

W: Gun

H: Disgust, 3 letters.

W: Ugh

H: Charity, 4 letters.

W: Give

H: Female sheep, 3 letters

W: Ewe

H: Pixar movie, 2 letters

W: Up

A father finds a letter written by his son

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. ...

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.



Sincerely,



The Internet Provider

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TIL why Americans removed the letter U from the British spelling of words like humour and colour.

Because Fuck U, that's why.

A gentleman is preparing to board a plane when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight.

Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope starts a crossword puzzle. Almost immediately, the Pope turns to the gentleman and says, “Excuse me, but would you know a four letter word ending in ‘u-n-t’ that refers to a woman?”

...

Why did Stalin write only in lowercase letter?

Because he hated capitalism.

I have this pathological fear of two letter words.

I get incredibly scared just thinking about it.

I took a picture of the 5th letter of the alphabet today

Epic

English is weird. Sometimes the letter 'c' is pronounced like 's', but other times not.

Source: course

What has 4 letters, seldom 5 letters, but always has 6 letters.

Edit: Often has 5, seldom has 6!

What’s a pirates least favourite letter?

Dear sir,

Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.

Sincerely, your service provider.

I have a lot of jokes about undelivered letters.

But people just don’t seem to get them

Farmers wife

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.


"I real...

There are so many letters added to LGBT nowadays,

it may as well be called LGBTLDR

My daughter has a habit of checking for letters before coming home.

"How many letters are there in the letterbox today?"

"DAD! I'm sick of you always telling me there are 9 letters!"

What are a pirate's favorite letters.

VPN

A girl says to a man "4 words, 12 letters, say it and I'm yours"

The Man replied "It and I'm yours".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Sara," said the husband, "'I just I gol a letter from the IRS. How should 1 dress for my meeting? In my Armani suit or in my jeans?"

'Jacob;' his wife replied, "I'm going to tell
you the same thing that my mother told me
when I asked her whether I should wear pajamas or my sexy black negligee on our honeymoon. She said 'Sara, it doesn't matter how
you dress, you'll get fucked either way."

What does an Italian barista say when they can't remember the letter between N and P?

Affogato.

I had decided to write a letter by hand the other day when my pencil broke.

I tried to finish but it was pointless.

A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is.

A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?"

Why is a flower like the letter A

Because a bee goes after it.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye test. The optician showed him a card. On the card were the letters “C Z W I X N O S T A C Z”.

“Can you read this?” the optician asked.

“Read it?” the Polish man replied, “I know the guy.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Hitler like most letters

Because they were not Z

A few months ago, a time traveller ran up to someone and shouts "I need you to say the 9th letter of the alphabet and the German founder of the philosophical doctrine of transcendental idealism, or the world will fall into chaos!"

...I Kant

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Me: I'm terrified of random letters

Therapist: You are?

Me: *SCREAMS*

Therapist: Oh I see

Me: *SCREAMING INTENSIFIES*

What do you call an apology letter written again with dots and dashes?

Re-Morse Code

Out of the 26 letters, only E got presents for Christmas.

The other letters were not-E.

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Bra Sazes

Have u ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for? Well its time you became informed!


(A) Almost boobs.
(B) Barely there.
(C) Can't Complain!
(D) Dang!
(DD) Doubl...

If you think you wrote a great letter, add a footnote at the end which explains Ohm’s Law.

Then it’ll be your P.S. de resistance.

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

Which word has 6 letters, starts with an N and ends with an R and is related to a Race

NASCAR

What do you call a keyboard with one letter constantly pressed?

O-pressed

What name has 4 letters and 2 body parts?

Tony

I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”.

Good that he will not bother me anymore.

How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

What's the difference between Trump and a flying pig? The letter 'F'

The letter 'F'







\*stolen from quora

History's biggest irony is that the Russian alphabet has no lowercase letters

It's all Capitalization.

A teacher asks the class to name something they are not good at, beginning with the letter O. One student raises his hand and answers...

Spelling


(Stephen Cookson)

An old man lived alone. His only son was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son.

Dear Son,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love,...

Where does the letter O go to chill?

The ozone

Why do English kids repeat the alphabet only to the letter S?

After S is tea time.

Why did 25 letters of the alphabet get coal for Christmas?

Because they were not E

What's Soulja Boy's favourite letter in the alphabet

"UUUUU"

"I need help with a crossword," I told my wife. "Six letters, a group of people with common ancestry."

She said, "Tribal."


I said, "No, that's only four letters."

What is a pirate’s favorite letter?

Well matey... you’d think it would be Arr, but a pirate’s first love will always be the sea.

An open letter to algebra teachers.

Dear algebra teachers,

Please stop trying to make us find your x. They're not coming back.

We don't know y either.

Sincerely,

Students.

Someone dared me to make a joke with only four letters.

EZPZ

An employee who was being let go for poor performance asked his boss to help him out with a letter of recommendation

The boss didn't want to refuse, but he was too honest to lie. So he wrote: "You will be very fortunate to get John to work for you!"

Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.

On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.

"Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.

Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.

There's...

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope you're are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. B...

My teacher randomly capitalizes letters on an assignment when someone misbehaves

It’s their capital punishment

What are water favorite letters of the alphabet?

H to O

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day....

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