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What is a pirate's LEAST favourite letter?

Dear Sir or Ma'am,


we are cutting your internet connection due to illegal downloading and copyright violations.


Sincerely, Internet Provider

What starts with W, ends with T and has two letters in between.

Just stating the obvious.

What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

Short.

What word starts with "E" and ends in "E" but only has one letter in it?

Envelope.

What is pirate's favourite letter?

Letter of marque.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

A writ of safe passage from his majesty, King Charles II of England.

What is a Pirate's favorite letter?

The one from the General Manager telling him he's been traded to the Mets.



Thanks to everyone who awarded this post! You're so kind .

What’s a three letter word that starts with gas?

Car

Call me a nutter, a conspiracy theorist or as mad as a hatter, but did you know that if you take the first two letters from the title of every Harry Potter book, it spells out a secret message?!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet

I don't know why

Putin thought that taking Kyiv was just a matter of painting letters on tanks.

It was easier Z than done.

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OPEN LETTER TO QATAR: you’re seriously banning homosexuality at your World Cup?

Come on guys…

after my wife found my letters I had to come clean and tell her I was cheating

She said she will never play scrabble with me again

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Letter to GOD

A man worked in a post office.

His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One day a letter came to his desk, addressed in a shaky handwriting to God.

He thought,

"I better open this one and see what it's all about." So he opened it and it read:

"Dear...

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What happens when the letter E takes a shit?

A Vowel movement.

Struggling with sharp angles when writing the letter V?

Sounds like a U problem

What is a pirates least favorite letter?

One from his manager saying he has been traded to the Mets.

Donald Trump was asked "what comes after the letter b in alphabet"

Folks, let me tell you, this is a great question. It's a huge question, it's tremendous. Just last day a decorated veteran with tears in his eyes came to me and asked" sir, please sir, can you answer what comes after the letter b in alphabet?". And let me tell you, the answer is a big deal. It's a b...

Why is C the only good letter in the English alphabet?

Because the others are Not-Cs

What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters

Just a hint: I didn't ask a question

Which letter in the alphabet is the best?

The E, because all of the other letters are Not E (Naughty).

Why do pirates always need the letter P

Because without it they would be irate

A bee sees the letter D in its beehive.

A B C D.

What's a pirates favorite letter?

- R?

- No! The C be his first love

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Therapist tells his patient to write individual letters to everyone who wronged him and then burn them to gain some peace

Patient comes back the next week and says he's done what the therapist recommended. Then asks what he should do with the letters

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My therapist told me a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them

I did that, and it really worked! But I’m wondering, what do I do with the letters?

What does the letter “p” in Facebook stand for?

Privacy!

Letter to Bob

Dear Bob,

I enjoy your advice column and have a personal question for you.

Recently I noticed my wife has been spending a lot of evenings "out with friends."

Also, I sometimes get phone calls where the caller hangs up as soon as I say "hello."

Last night she went ou...

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters

‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’

‘Can you read this?’ the optician asked.

‘Read it?’ the Polish guy replied, ‘I know the guy.’

Banned from the grocery store

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the follow...

A marine in Afghanistan receives a letter

In the letter his girlfriend explained that she had slept with his best friend while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him.

To add injury to the insult, she said she wanted back the picture of herself that she had given him.

So the Marine did what any self respecting M...

If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN...

they become VERY ANGRY!

How do you spell sand with only 3 letters?

S, A, and D.

What has four letters, sometimes has nine letters and occasionally has twelve letters?

The mailman

The “r” in “Gary Oldman”…

Is the most critical letter in the history of Google searches.

A woman wanted to know how her husband would react if she left him. She wrote him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. She put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.

When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a numb...

In Britain, when you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen.

And when you turn 16, you get a text from Prince Andrew.

A girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters!

‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’ After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’ ‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s becaus...

A woman comes home and finds a letter from her husband on the dinner table

She opens it and reads:

"My Dear Wife,

you will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54-year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact th...

Not sure if you knew this, but if you rearrange the letters in LGBTQ...

Somebody will probably get offended...

Letter from prison

A father sends a letter to his son in prison: "I will not be able to plant potatoes this year. The fields have not been plowed yet, because you are not here to help out."

The son wrote back: "It's just as well, because the money I stole was buried in the fields."

The next day, the poli...

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Dear Son

Dear Son,

I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived her...

What is the difference between Politicians and Flying Pigs ?

The letter f

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I asked my friend if he'd give me a four letter verb that means "to be aware of"

... but that asshole kept telling me no!

Whats a pirates favourite letter of the alphabet

None. Historians believe pirates were illiterate.

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Letter from a Polish mother to her son

Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know that you cannot read fast. You won't know the house when you come home . . we've moved.

About your father . . . he has a lovely new job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutti...

When I was young, I decided to go to medical school…

At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange the letters:

P N E I S

to form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are on Facebook.

I received a letter stating I have outstanding debt.

I thought, “Why yes, it is pretty fantastic!”

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An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba,


I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the lot for me.


Love Dad.
\~\~\...

What is a 4-letter word ending in U-N-T that a woman can usually be called?

Aunt

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm...

...and asked the attractive lady who answered the door, if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed." she explained. "And I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

...

[old joke] A navy officer sent a letter to his wife that he would be arriving a week earlier..

When he arrives,he finds his wife in bed with another man.

Disgusted, he goes to the navy base and stays in the lodge contemplating what to do next.

The next day, he receives a call from his mother-in-law who is also a wife of a naval officer.

" Rose told me everything" she sai...

Stuck on a crossword.. “according to the saying, these should be seen but not heard” 8 letters, starts with a C.

I got it, Coldplay.

My wife knows I’ve been cheating.

She found the letters that I’ve been hiding around the house.

She says she is upset. She says she is angry. She feels disappointed, let down an hurt.

She’s lost trust and doesn’t know how we can get past it.

Worst of all though, she says she doesn’t know if she can ever play Sc...

The Letter "C" is useless

The letter "C" conveys either a "K" sound or a "S" sound. As such, it serves no purpose and makes spelling problematic. The Germans know this and rarely use the letter C when the letter K can be used instead. Americans disagree.

The debate got violent early in the 20th century when the Americ...

A priest visits his cousin, who is also a priest.

The two priests, both in their forties, sit down to dinner.

The visiting priest says, "Cousin, I couldn't help noticing that your housekeeper is quite a young and attractive woman. I take it relations between the two of you are not always completely platonic?"

"How dare you! I am a man...

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

A rookie cop is being trained by his sergeant

Unfortunately it's a pretty slow day. Finally the sergeant says "Okay, here's a hint. Pick a car and just follow him around. Before long he's bound to make a mistake, and you can pull him over for that." So the sergeant selects a car, and starts following it.

Unfortunately, it doesn't wor...

With all my high level degrees and PHD's, I stumbled upon these questions......... 1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous? 2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?r>
5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

6. Every time you clean something, you just make som...

Ben is serving term in prison for fraud. One day he receives a letter from his father, Maurice

Dear Ben,

It looks like I won't be able to plant anything in the garden this year. I am growing too old to do any digging without your help. Looking forward to your early release.

Love, Dad

Ben replies:

Dear Dad,

Please don't dig up the garden - that's where I hid ...

What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it?

Post office

My sister came up with this. What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it

Post office

I’m no racist, except when it comes to people who like the 21st letter of the alphabet

U-people make me sick

Why is the Z the only politically-correct letter?

Because all the other letters are not-Z's.

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter..

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. Bu...

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LongMEN'S HELP LINE - Letter of the Month

Hi John,

I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes ho...

What is a pirate’s favorite letter?

Gee, I didn’t see that coming.

I got a letter the other day without a return address on it. I assumed it was from the Philippines...

It was in a Manila envelope.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I".

Student: I is the....

Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after "I". Always put 'am' after "I".

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

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Like Father Like Son.

A joke my dad wrote to me in one of his letters while he was in prison:





A farm boy gets up early one morning and finds himself very
hungry. So he hurries downstairs to get his breakfast.

When he reaches the kitchen, he finds his mom already there.
"Not so fas...

It is not easy to come up with jokes about undelivered letters.

People just don’t get them.

How can a letter appear 3 times in a 5-letter word?

Must be an error.

What’s a pirates favorite letter?

[most people respond] - “R?”

“Arr that’s what you’d think but it’s the C!”

It's amazing how removing letters from something changes things so fast

For instance, if you remove enough letters from 'mailbox' you get 'felony'

I’ve heard the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

Which is a shame, because I was hoping to use it as a book title.

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.



Sincerely,



The Internet Provider

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Little Johnny was sitting in class when his teacher starts asking the class words for each letter of the alphabet.

asking the class words for each letter of the alphabet. She starts with A and little Johnny hand shoots up. The teacher thinks he is going to say ass I can't call on him. She calls on another student and she says.

"Apple. I gave my teacher an apple."

Teacher responds good job and moves...

My friend said that, apparently, you cant make a sentence without the letter 'a'...

I don't know if they're right. Do you guys know if its true? I'm honestly kind of lost on this one...

What word begins with the letter "F" and ends in "UCK"?

Firetruck

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up a letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day.
<...

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its mea...

Letters between a father and son

Dear son;

Your mother and I love you very much, and we miss you dearly ever since you went to prison. I especially miss you now that spring is here, and it is time to plow the fields. The ground is hard, and my back is old. I am afraid I will never be able to plant the crops in time.
...

When i have my first child I’m going to make him read all the Harry Potter books and convince him he is also a wizard.

On his 11th birthday he will receive his hogwarts letter (written by me) and i will then take him to kings cross station and say nothing as he runs at the wall between platform 9 and 10.

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A man working in the city gets a letter,

It says "Come right away, your wife died". He takes some time off his job and goes back to his rural hometown.

All the people in the village are in his house, weeping and crying. He walks into his wife's room, holds her motionless body and starts crying, when suddenly she opens her eyes and ...

my wife just said she would use a 4 letter word to describe me. It has a C and a U and a T in it

Apparently Im cute!

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In my past life, I was a message delivery man in an army base

One day, I got a letter for Bravo Company, and took off to deliver it as quickly as I could. When I found them they were doing exercises in one of the yards, I walked up to the sergeant to deliver the message.

He took the letter, read it over, folded it and put it in his pocket. Then he yell...

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People don’t believe me that I’m always eating rope which looks like the 21st letter of the alphabet

I shit U knot

I asked some people what you could spell from the letters n t o g i h n

All of them said you couldn't spell anything

What's the Longest Word in English?

Smiles
Cuz both the first and the last letters are a mile apart

What’s letter can pirates never get past in the alphabet

You think it’d be the Arrrr. But they’re always stuck at sea

Dave, a man committed to an insane asylum, was writing a letter.

The doctor asks "Hi there Dave, whatcha' doing there?"

Dave answers, "I'm writing a letter to myself."

"Really? What does it say?" The doctor asks.

And Dave answers, "I don't know, I haven't received it yet."

I was passing by my son's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow, addressed to, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands...

"Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy.

She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of al...

The first four letters of the alphabet are the hardest.

The rest are e-z.

My Mum's instinctual answer to a crossword clue made for a great joke: "A useless object, 3 letters long, begins and ends with D"

Dad.

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Me: I’m terrified of random letters

Therapist: You are?

Me: (Screams)

Therapist: I see

Me: (Scream intensifies)

Therapist: okay, okay

Me: please stop!

I‘m so good with managing money

I got a letter from a debt collector saying ‘outstanding payment’

Naming the COVID-19 variants, the WHO skipped the greek letter 'xi'.

They did that in order to not insult the leader of West Taiwan.

Which letter in the alphabet has a shoe brand?

Adidas

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road

I asked him, "What's the word on the street?"

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations,the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has acc...

A man writes a letter to the IRS . . .

. . . saying "I am unable to sleep because of the guilt I feel for cheating on my taxes. I have underreported my income and am enclosing a check for $1500. If I still can't sleep I will send the rest".

How do you call someone that switches the m and n letters on a keyboard

A Nomster

Due to an increase in popularity, koi farmers are discovering an increase in counterfeit fish.

They’ve begun using a lettered grading scale:

As are the most rare of purebred koi’s

Bs are the more common variety purebred koi’s

Cs are mix/hybrid koi’s

Everything else are D koi’s

Have you ever realised how pretty the second letter of the word hive is?

I've always said that beauty is in the I of the bee holder

A young baker buys a shop

He is very excited as this is his first venture since qualifying. He sells ok on everyday items like bread, but runs into trouble with his 'special items'. One day he makes beautiful cakes, however his customers only want pastries that day. So the next day he makes pastries, but now they want muffin...

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