Why are letters always white?

To prevent blackmail.

When you rearrange the letters of postmen

They become very angry

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the letter "C" afraid of all the other letters in the alphabet?

All the others were Nazis

He’s so egotistical he even signs his name to anonymous letters.

Anonymous

Fat people start their alphabet with the letter "o"

O-B-C-D....

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

Dad, why did you name the new baby Teresa?

Well son, Teresa is an anagram. If you rearrange the letters, it spells “Easter”.

-Oh, so you named her that on account of how much you and mom love Easter.

Yes, that’s right, Alan.

-Thanks, Dad!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was well on my way to becoming a millionaire

I had a sex toy business that specialized in gold plated butt plugs. One day I got a cease and desist letter from Apple. Apparently they hold the patent on overpriced shit for assholes.

What's a Pirates favorite letter?

Most people think it's R, but a Pirates only love is the C.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What religion is your bra??

A man walked into then ladies department and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,
“I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.”

'”What type of bra?”, asked the clerk.
“Type?”, inquires the man, “There's more than one type?”

“Look around”, said the saleslady, as she sh...

My grandfather had come to visit us

As we were having dinner, he told us of his latest exploits in the world of internet.

He said that he couldn't get through the captcha.

We asked him the problem and he told us that he could decipher and write the letters just fine.
But he didn't know how to put the curved lines.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist told me to write letters to people I hate, then burn them

Ok, done with the writing and the burning. Wtf am I supposed to do with the bunch of letters, though?

OH NO NO NO NO

# Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.

# On the appointed day, the inspector turne...

A snail goes into a Ferrari dealership and buys a car, he then asks them to paint a giant letter "S" on the side. When asked why, he says

When I'm driving around everyone will say, "Wow, look at that S car go!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just wrote this poem

Everyone gather together

Put aside what you are doing

See this lyric, feel the weather

Take a second for the viewing.

Everyone gather together

In this house we all are one.

No discrimination, son.

Did I say a house we're in?

It's a prostitution...

from now on i am only using lowercase letters

i guess you could say i’m against capitalism

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three children at a catholic school are learning the alphabet

"Hi, kids," says the priest. "Today we're going to learn about the letter S."

The priest holds up a white board with the letter S on it.

"How many sins can you name that begin with S?" asked the priest.

The children thought for a moment, then Johnny spoke up.

"Slavery!" ...

A guy was boarding a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight

“This is exciting!” the guy thought. “I’ve always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I’ll be able to see him in person.” Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope!

In the beginning, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness.

Shortly after take-off, the Po...

Here’s a Riddle for you

What has 4 letters, Sometimes has 9 and never has 5?

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig

the letter “f”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was playing Hangman with a friend...

...and he threw at me what he said was a truly challenging word - a proper noun no less! Said it was someone who was all over the news a lot as of late. All I had to go on were an i and a couple e's. Not a lot of *ease* that *I* could really glean from that! Now, I was sipping some tea at the time, ...

Jimmy wrote a letter to Santa

Jimmy wrote a letter to Santa,
"Dear Santa, this Christmas I want a baby brother."

Santa replied,
"Send me your mother."

what is the letter that crosses hate the most?

"The K"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Tomato Garden

An elderly man lived alone. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Michael, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Michael,
I am feeling p...

Can you write a whole paragraph without the letter A?

I wouldn't recommend it.

Honestly, your sentences willl just sound wrong.
Everyone will notice you're doing something
different. Your writing won't flow smoothly. You'll
use weird words.

It's not worth the effort involved in spending
time online looking up tons of synonym...

Because you black and they white

Tyrone's first day in the first grade he came home crying. When his mother asked why, he replied,
"The teacher told us to say our ABC's and all the little white boys could say them and I could only get to the letter E. Why is that? His mom said, "Because you black and they white." The next day T...

Teacher: "What's everyone's favorite letter?"

Student: "The letter G!"


Teacher: "Why is that, Angus?"

PASSWORD PROBLEMS ( LONG ONE )

Windows : Please enter your new password.

User : cabbage

Windows : Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

User : boiled cabbage

Windows : Sorry, the password must contain at least 1 numerical character.

User : 1 boiled cabbage

Windows : Sorry, t...

A young man is writing his grandmother a letter

His friends sees it and asks him: who are you writing that letter?

My grandma, the boy replies. Why are you writing so slowly? His friend asks him.

She can’t read very fast!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can some one help me write my girlfriend a love letter?

Is buttcheek one word or are they spread apart?

A criminal is arrested and sent to jail [LONG]

The criminal had robbed a bank, but refused to tell the police where he stashed the money! Eventually, they give up trying to find it and just throw him in jail.

He gets letters from his wife and writes back, one day she writes; "It's a shame you're locked away. My back has been killing me, b...

The year 2192

The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline. He leaves a ceremonial letter. For reasons lost in time, this letter is always unsigned. Ceremonial garb includes a suit that looks like it was made for a someone of an entirely different si...

I have ranked the greatest musicians of all time in order:

Nelly

Erika Badu

Vanilla Ice

Eminem

Rhianna




Green Day

Oasis

Nirvana

Nine inch Nails

Aerosmith



George Strait

Ilene Woods

Vince Gill

Enya



Yoko ono

Otis Redding

U...

One day an old man wrote a letter to God... [long]

...and he tied the letter to a tree outside a church.

The priest came and took down the letter.

It read "Please God, I'm a poor man, please send me $100,000 so I can pay my debts and live peacefully".

Being a kind priest, he took donations around town for the old man and raised ...

I saw the letters "HI" in the alphabet and thought I finally made a friend...

...until I saw the next two letters.

The oft reposted jokes are wrong. A pirate's favorite letter is P.

Because without a P he becomes "irate".

A husband is doing a crossword puzzle with his wife.

Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.

Wife: *Never*

H: Pistol, 3 letters.

W: *Gun*

H: Disgust, 3 letters.

W: *Ugh*

H: Charity, 4 letters.

W: *Give*

H: Female sheep, 3 letters

W: *Ewe*

H: Pixar movie, 2 letters

W: *Up*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my therapist that I’m afraid of the 15th, 9th, and 3rd letter of the alphabet.

“Oh, I see”

Why is the letter A always so grumpy?

He has irritable vowel syndrome

How Canada was named

In the year 1534, there were 3 explorers who discovered a great piece of land. They had no idea what to name it. So they each decided to pick a letter out of a hat, and go from there.

The first explorer picked the letter C.

"C, eh?" He said

The second picked the letter N.
...

Why are Donald Trump's letters so poorly written?

He can't do drafts because of bone spurs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is Adolf Hitlers favorite letter of the alphabet?

I dont know but im 100% sure its not Z

The year is 2219

A dishevelled white haired man crosses the desert that was once the English Channel from the United Kingdom of England to visit the capital of the Eurasian Empire in Brussels. As has been the case for 200 years, he delivers an unsigned letter and returns home, only to repeat the process again the n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: I'm terrified of random letters

**Therapist:** You are?

**Me:** *SCREAMS*

**Therapist:** Oh! I see

**Me:** *SCREAMING INTENSIFIES*

What is a pirate's least favorite letter?

One from their ISP stating their internet has been shut off for illegal downloading.

Replacing German Language with English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has ac...

A woman goes to the doctor's to have a strange mark on her tummy looked at. The doctor said, "Do you by any chance have a boyfriend who attends Wisconsin University?"

Confused, the girl asks, "Why do ask?"

The doc chuckles, "I'm not just a doctor, I'm also an amateur detective. It looks like your lover likes to wear a sweater with the initial letter of their university emblazoned on the front. It's mildly abrasive quality has been rubbing on your skin."...

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding...

She got so mad and said she's never gonna play Scrabble with me ever again

Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.

He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.
However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper.
St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've been ad...

50% of Canada is full of

The letter "eh"

A man with a dog walks into a bar.

Guy says to the bartender: "If I show you my talking dog, will you give a round on the house?"

Bartender: "Okay. But prove it."

Guy: "Spot, what's a four letter word that starts with 'R'?"

Dog: "ROOF!"

Bartender: "That's not really talking."

Guy: "Ok. Spot, what's ...

Learning letters

"I would like vitamins for my son,” a mother said. “Vitamin A, B or C?” the pharmacist asked. “It doesn’t matter,” the mother replied. “He can’t read yet.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(OC) Why don’t Canadians participate in international spelling bees?

Because the judges say they use too many letters, eh?

What is a pirate’s favourite letter? *hint it is not ‘r’ or ‘c’..

A pirate’s favourite letter is “P”

It looks like an Arrrrgh, but it’s missing a leg!

I hate spelling errors...

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

I can describe stupidity with one letter

me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As old as the Hills and twice as dusty but no, I've never seen it here

The traveling salesman's car breaks,so he asked a farmer if he can stay there for a few days while his car gets fixed.

The farmer had 2 beautiful daughters, Nellie and Venus.

One night TS takes the older daughter "Venus"on a date to the drive in,using the farmers car.

The next...

Why is “queue” always pronounced as “q”?

Because the other letters are waiting in line.

If Greta Thunberg could rearrange letters in her name

That would be great

English is weird. Sometimes the letter 'c' is pronounced like an 's', but sometimes it isn't.

Source: Course

my wife asked me why i always type using lower case letters.

i said i stopped giving a shift.

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.



Sincerely,



The Internet Provider

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's your least favorite letter?

Mine is u, because fuck u

Why should you not send a letter to Washington?

Because he's dead.

A blonde woman finds a letter in front of her door that says "DO NOT BEND"

She spent the next two hours figuring out how to pick it up.

How did Canada get it’s name?

Their founders put a bunch of letters in a hat and pulled them out:

“C” eh, “N” eh, “D” eh.

Why was E the only letter to recieve presents from Santa?

Because all the other ones were not E.

I have a bunch of jokes about undelivered letters.

But people don’t seem to get them.

Kim Jong-un sent Trump a letter

Just before the big meeting in Singapore Kim Jong-un decided to send Donald
Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the
game.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded
message:

370HSSV-0773H

Trump was baffled,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day

Here's my favorite pirate joke:

When I was 17, I went on a class trip to a beach but I snuck away to explore on my own. I went into this bar. It had nautical stuff on the wall, a bunch of shark jaws, but also streamers and balloons about the place. It looked like there was a party going on. ...

I was only taught 22 letters of the alphabet.

I don't know Y TBH

I like 25 letters of the alphabet

But I love u

My ex, Alexandra, was doing a crossword.

"I need your help," she said, scanning the clue. "The form of a language that people speak...eight letters..."



I said, "Dialects."



She said, "That's mean, and I prefer it when you call me by my full name."

Just got home and realised Staples had sold me a packet of cardboard instead of paper.

I’m writing them a stiff letter.

The Rabbi and the Sheikh

A wealthy Sheikh who was travelling in the US met a terrible accident and would need to undergo blood transfusion. The Sheikh had a rare type of blood that the doctor's had never encountered before.
They made tests from several donors but found no match, days passed and the Sheikh's health was g...

What did the letter say to the stamp?

Stick with me and we'll go places.

Not sure if this is a repost heard it from my son.

What’s the deal with prisons and starting with the letter A...

I mean Alcatraz, Azkaban, Australia and Auschwitz.

A man and his wife are visiting Russia.

They’re taking a stroll through what’s widely known as a socialist part of town, when it starts to drizzle.

The wife turns and says to her husband, and says, “Let’s go back to the hotel. It’s raining.”

The man scoffs. “It’s not raining,” he says, “this is nothing.”

The wife dis...

City Redlights

I was driving around in the city when I was about to go through a green light.

I noticed that it had one of those cameras that will take a picture of your plates if you run the red and thought nothing of it.

However, when I went through the green it flashed and took a picture of me. I ...

What do you call it when you reprimand upper case letters?

CAPITAL PUNISHMENT

A blonde sees a letter lying on her doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".

She spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

[Long] An email from the AFTERLIFE

A Canadian couple needed a vacation in a warm climate at the end of a very cold winter. They booked a suite at an exclusive, Arizona desert resort. Because of a last minute business meeting, the wife had to leave a day later than her husband. After an early flight and then checking in at the resort,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A convent of Catholic nuns receives a letter saying the Pope himself will be visiting in just a few days

They are all very excited and nervous. Mothers Mary, Agnes, and Isadore take it upon themselves to prepare the convent to receive His Holiness and plan a simple but delicious meal of fresh caught fish from the local lake with herbs and vegetables from their own garden.

Agnes goes to the loca...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mailman is making his rounds on his very last day of work. After 25 years on the same route the day had finally come. He was a good mailman and well liked. Therefor many of his regulars had little cookies and parting gifts for him. All was going well until he got to the Smith residence.

When he came to the door and was about to deliver the letters, Mrs. Smith opened the door in a sexy lingerie holding a plate of cookies and invited him in. The mailman, not wanting to be rude took a few cookies, stepped inside and said thank you. As he was about to leave, she said " oh no, we're...

The Retired Husband

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following...

I got a letter in the mail this morning

“What was it?”

It was a

Why is the letter B so cool?

Because it sits right in the middle of AC!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vandalism at home

I woke up this morning to find 'JERK' painted in four foot high letters across the front of my house.

So, I painted above it, "I AM NOT A". Now who's laughing. . .

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope you're are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. B...

Why was the Loch Ness monster so surprised when she got a love letter from her crush?

She thought he didn’t even know she existed!

A father was walking past his son's bedroom one day and happened to look in.

He was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up off the floor. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

Fearing the worst, he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. It said:

*Dea...

i don't agree with the usage of upper case letters

i'm an anti-capitalist

My cousins are like the letter K.

They are ok by themselves, but get horribly racist when three of them get together.

I saw a bloke with one arm and one leg was about to be hanged.

So, I started shouting out letters.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIFU by causing a massive fight at our families Labor Day BBQ

Now, a bit of background for you all.
Every year, my grandparents invite the entire family over to their place for their annual Labor Day barbecue.
Very rarely, my cousin Samuel decides to come along, and usually only if he's that desperate for a free meal.
Everyone in my family talks mad s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a therapists office

Therapist: why are you—-

Man: AHHHHH

Therapist are you ok?

Man : AHHHHHHH

Therapist: Sir what’s wrong !

Man: I’m afraid of letters !

Therapist: you are ?

Man: AHHHHHH

Therapist: Oh I see

Man: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

What letter is used to spell "SS"

Not C

A woman walks into her dermatologist’s office

and says "Doctor, I have this terrible rash." She lifts up her sweater to reveal a large H-shaped rash.

The doctor replies, "Now, that is the strangest rash I've ever seen."

The woman explains, "Well, my boyfriend goes to Harvard and refuses to take off his letter sweater when we mak...

Billy was very proud of his new car.

He was driving back home after striking a great deal with the salesman. As he neared the intersection, a grey Toyota crashed into his car at a high speed. He was furious, as he knew he had the right of way. He was about to let loose a barrage of four letter words at the other driver, when a gorge...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.