Off The Hook Jokes

Am I entitled to a rebait?

The charges were too legit to acquit.

That was debaitable.

Because it got caught with seaweed

They fish quite happily for a while until the German catches a huge golden fish, but as he pulls it off the hook it says "Please don't kill me! Spare my life and I'll grant you all a wish!"

The German throws the fish back and says "I wish for a mug of beer that will never empty", and immediat... read more

*A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bedtime.*

Daughter: God bless mommy and god bless daddy and god bless grandma and... goodbye grandpa.

Dad: why did you say that?

Daughter: I don't know, I just felt like saying it.

*The next day, grandpa drops ... read more

Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him,

"Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of it...
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went withou... read more

He neverlands

I like this joke because it never grows old

This joke is off the hook

Sorry

1. WON'T BEAT ME UP
2. WON'T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED

For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.

Then one day the doorbell rang yet... read more

The Chief says,

"Holy man, my wife just gave birth to a white child. Everyone in the village is black, except for you. "

The missionary begins to sweat until he notices a herd of goats outside.

"Chief, every once in a while, God makes his creation different from the others. Loo... read more

and it should be called "Off the Hook".

It was off the hook

...the music was ok, but the food was off the hook.

I'm off the hook

He got pulled over and the guard sighed heavily. He said, "I'm about to clock off, and don't fancy doing any more paperwork,so I'll tell you what. If you can give me an excuse that I've never heard before, then you're off the hook." The man thought hard, and eventually said, "Well you see, Officer, ... read more

I had quite an experience at home by myself. At one point I even picked my coat up from the floor. It was off the hook.

**but they keep ringing off the hook**

My girlfriend really likes and jokes and fish. But when looking for fish jokes on the web i did not find anything except:

"What did the magician say to the fisherman? Pick a cod, any cod"

"Why don't fish play basketball? because they are afraid of nets"

"What did the fish say wh... read more

A guy is asked to explain his speeding to the officer.
"Sir, i have been following you for 20 minutes, today is your lucky day, if you can give me a good excuse i have not heard before i will let you off the hook"
"Officer, last week my wife run away with a police officer. When i saw you in m... read more

A young boy and his Mother are walking to school one day, when they come across two dogs going at it. Being at such a curious age, the boy asks his Mother what they were doing. Not wanting to ruin his innocence, she tells him that they are making Fish Sticks and they then continue on their journey.<... read more

Try this... 
On your way home from work, stop at a pharmacy and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure to get this brand. 
When you get home, lock your doors, close the blinds and take the phone off the hook so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comf... read more

Three men have to share a hotel room in Chelyabinsk during a congress. Naturally, in the evening, they start drinking. One thing leads to another, and they find themselves telling political jokes. Concerns that any of the others may be KGB informants or that the room may be bugged are readily dissol... read more