A vacuum salesman knocked on a newly built home

A lady opened the door. The salesman rushed into the home and threw rotten scrambled eggs, fries and hot dogs on the carpet floor. Before the lady said anything, the salesman said "Mam, the vacuum i have is the best in business. I'll vacuum every single thing and also ensure there is no odor. If i f...

What’s the similarity between a female and a vacuum

They only suck when they are turned on

Used Vacuum cleaner for sale.

I don't need it anymore. All it does is collect dust.

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I used to sell vacuum cleaners door to door and do demonstrations by appointment. Seriously I did.

I had an appointment to demonstrate a machine at a home in a rural area. The house looked rough and as I walked to the door carrying all my demonstration equipment, a big mangy dog with a matted eye crowded me and followed me to the house.

I rang the bell and the lady let me in and the stupi...

This bloke knocked on my door and said, "Can I come into your house and talk about vacuuming your carpets?"

I am sure he was a Jehoovers Witness.

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One day, a good-looking door-to-door seller knocks on the old lady's house and is offering the "world's best" vacuum cleaner...

He runs into the middle of the living room and bursts a cow dung on the floor.

"Madam", he says, "I swear to god, if I won't be able to clean the shit out of the carpet in 2 minutes, I will personally eat it".

The lady just smiles: "I hope you are hungry. The power is out since morni...

What’s the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vacuum cleaner?

The position of the dirtbag.

I recently got a job selling vacuums and finally got the courage to make a pun around my new coworkers

it sucked.

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The Human mouth is amazing. It can suck, blow, create a vacuum , is water tight....

And can create and infinite amount of shit!

I feel like my purchase of a vacuum cleaner was a waste of money

Ever since I bought all it's done is collected dust

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Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.

Either it sucks or it sucks!

The highlight of my week was my new vacuum cleaner.

Things are picking up.

My wife was frustrated “ this vacuum just doesn’t suck anymore” she said

“What happened? Did it get married?”

I had to return my Buddhist vacuum...

It came with no attachments.

I'm thinking of putting my vacuum cleaner on Ebay.

It was just collecting dust anyway.

Life is like a vacuum cleaner.

It sucks

Here’s the thing about vacuum cleaners

It doesn’t matter if you have the best or the worst, because at the end of the day they all suck.

I tried buying a vacuum the other day

The sales associate told me they all suck

Why are there not more dog astronauts?

They’re afraid of the vacuum.

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Did you know that if you put your testicle on the opening of a beer bottle and put a lighter under the base, eventually the heat will create a vacuum and your testicle will be sucked into the bottle?

If you ever tried this, let me know how the reverse the process.

Need answers fast

“What if you had vacuums for hands?

Wouldn’t that suck?”

-my old coworker Flip

I don't know why they bother with all that science history stuff in class like "Nature abhors a vacuum".

Anyone who's ever had pets knew that already.

How did the robot vacuum the house?

Roomba room.

Who is the worst superhero?

Vacuum Man. He sucks.

What does a vacuum cleaner say to another vacuum cleaner who has a bad day?

That SUCKS!

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I went to the store to buy a Vacuum. (Long)

One day, I went to the store to buy a Vacuum. There really wasn't any available except for one sitting in the corner. I bought it and the cashier told me that this vacuum was special. Not only can it do stuff like a normal vacuum could, it was so powerful that I could suck in animals whole.
I ...

Tom was not the brightest kid in his school.

None of his classmates liked him. He was plain stupid when it came to even simplest stuff. His teacher always told him "you're driving me crazy".

One day, Tom's mother visited school and when she spoke to teacher, the teacher directly said: "Your child is absolutely stupid, not only his grad...

What sucks but doesn’t suck at the same time

A broken vacuum cleaner

I got rid of my vacuum cleaner the other day.

It’s been gathering dust for a while, and generally kind of sucks.

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I got my testicles stuck in a vacuum cleaner.

Now we're both bagless.

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A vacuum cleaner salesman

A vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on my door
Before I spoke he tipped a bucket of dog shit over my carpet and said
If this vacuum doesn't remove every trace of it I'll personally eat what's left
I replied I hope you're hungry because they cut off my electric this morning

My vacuum stopped working

... Another one bites the dust

I really like my new job in the vacuum industry

There's no pressure.

What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?

KA-BROOM!

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What's got 8 legs and sounds like a vacuum sucking up honey?

Greedy bastard at KFC.

Salesman: "Ma'am, this vacuum cleaner is so great it will cut all your work by half!"

Woman: "That's fantastic! Give me two."

People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about.

It's your Vacuum Cleaner that you need to be worried about....



....it's been collecting dirt on you for years.

You wanna hear a vacuum joke?

I would tell you but it really sucks

Everyone in Britain prefers brushes over vacuum cleaners when it comes to tidying their floors.

Sorry if that's a sweeping generalisation.

Despite space being a Vacuum

Mars is really Dusty

I bought a very cheap vacuum cleaner from a sale

What do you expect? It sucks.

If you think that your microwave is collecting data and the Tv is spying on you is bad enough...

The vacuum have been gathering dirt on your for years...

When shopping for a vacuum on amazon, never trust a 5 star review.

There is no such thing as a perfect vacuum.

I had a broken vacuum...

then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.

Dad, I hate my life. It's like a functioning vacuum cleaner.

Dad: I don't understand

It sucks.

Dad: well, there is always roomba improvement.

- Hello. I want to return the robot vacuum cleaner I bought from you a week ago. The agreement allows it?

\- Yes, just tell me what you didn't like, we will inform the manufacturer.

\- Everything is in order, I just no longer need a vacuum cleaner. After he sucked the cat three times, My cat learned to use a brush, rag, scoop, and report a full bin.

My girlfriend said, “Why have I never seen you mop or vacuum in my life?”

I said, “Floors are beneath me.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between my wife and my vacuum?

The vacuum doesn't snore after sex.



April fools, I don't have a wife.

What’s an antivaxxers favorite vacuum?

Dyson.

I’m an Anti-vax and I don’t care what you think.

I’m sick and tired of seeing people who are anti-vax getting bullied on social media. We have good reasons to feel this way and simply bad mouthing us or attacking us is not going to change our mind. We will not be silenced.

I for sure will never have one again. No chance, no matter what you ...

A man is selling a vacuum cleaner

He met up with a buyer, who asked him if it sucked well.

“Like my wife,” he responded.

Unsure of himself the buyer asked him whether that was a good or bad.

All the seller could say was “How the hell would I know?”

Last night, I did the dishes, vacuumed the house, hung up our laundry and mopped the floors while my wife was resting.

She was incredibly thankful, and after I finished she came up to me and gave me a massive hug, saying "What would I ever do without you?"

The dishes would be a good start.

What's the difference between a wife and a vacuum cleaner? [NSFW]

The vacuum still sucks after a year.

A new vacuum came out yesterday

Yeah, apparently it really sucked

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that, when you take your dick out and put it inside of vaccum cleaner hose and turn the vacuum on,

... they are kick you out of Target?

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A vacuum cleaner salesman knocks on a woman's door. As she opens the door the salesman quickly runs inside and empties a bag full of poop on her expensive carpet.

Woman, shocked and angered, shouts "what the hell are you doing to my carpet?!?". The salesman replies "Ma'am, this is not just any ordinary vacuum cleaner. This vacuum cleaner has been engineered by top German scientists in their super high tech labs. If this vacuum cleaner doesn't clean up your ca...

A man walks into a store to replace his broken vacuum

Saleman: "Well this sucks"

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A salesman trying to sell vacuum cleaners knocks on the door and the mother answers

Before she can say two words, the salesman pushes past her and throws a bag of horse shit on the carpet. The mother is understandably furious.

\- What the HELL do you think you're doing?!

The salesman doesn't lose his composure, after all, he's confident in his product.

\- Ma'am...

The travelling salesman [Long]

A travelling salesman knocked on a lady's door. When she opened the door and saw all the boxes the man was carting around, she said, "Whatever it is you're selling, I don't want it. I'm broke."

"Ma'am, what I have with me is the greatest vacuum cleaner in the world. I would love to demonstrat...

An employee asks his boss to be transferred to a new department.

"Why, what's wrong with the fan department you're in now?" says the boss.

"Are you kidding me? This department blows!!"

The boss sighs, "Well, there is an opening in the vacuum cleaner department..."

"Hell no!" the employee screams, "that department sucks!"

The boss chas...

Why do vacuum hoses suck?

Because they’re not long enough.

I put the "cum" in "vacuume"

No seriously guys, my moms gonna be home any minute and the tube is filled. How do I get it out.

My 90yr old Grandfather got startled by my automatic vacuum, and smashed it.

KO Roomba

I'm anti - vax

I just don't think thier brand of vacuums are as good as the competition.

The only vacuum I use is the one made specifically for made for antivax parents...

Dyson

Whats the last thing your father says before killing you with a vacuum cleaner?

Dyson

My wife wants a vacuum.

I think I'll give her some space.

Wife: The vacuum cleaner doesn’t suck the way it used to.

Husband: Neither does the dish washer.

I got Inside a vacuum chamber once.

It was breath taking.

How to fix a broken vacuum.

If you ever come a cross a broken vacuum, put a toronto maple leaf hockey jersey on it.

It will start sucking right away.

My friend got a job working at a vacuum cleaner factory.

He said the money is good but the job sucks.

Thank you. Thank you.

My pet name for my wife is "broken vacuum cleaner" because...

##

...neither of them can cook.

I noticed my vacuum is cleaning less of the house than before.

I think it has roomba-toid arthritis.

Two dust particles meet in a vacuum cleaner

"Man, I hate this place" says one of them.
"Yeah, it sucks."

What did the murderer say to his child as he pointed his vacuum cleaner at him?

Dyson.

What did the father vacuum say to his son before he left for war?

Don’t Dyson

Why do carpets in white folk houses always need vacuuming?

Crackers always leave crumbs.

A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman knocks on a woman's door.

The woman answers, and the salesman says "Lady, I have the best damn vaccuum cleaner in the whole world."

Before she could decline, he invited himself in. "Lady," he said, "This vaccuum cleaner can suck up anything. In fact, if you leave it running, it'll probably suck the carpet up!"

...

I told my wife to sell all the vacuums we have,

they are only collecting dust anyways...

I’m an Anti-vax and I don’t care what you think.

They are absolutely the worst brand of vacuum cleaner. Dyson all the way for me!

I personally think vacuums are terrible at cleaning

I don’t really have a reason, they just suck

What did Reddit say when it opened a vacuum?

Wow! Such empty.

Can someone recommend a good vacuum?

Because it seems like they all suck.

I finally found out what they call the vacuum at the abortion clinic

Woomba

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Since we're on a vacuum kick...

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW]Did you know that when you stick your dick in a vacuum....and turn it on to reverse...

they'll kick you out of Sears?
__

Someone wrote in the comment jumping on my ass about nit giving credit. I heard this on Conan last night by comedian Matt Donaher. I wasn't stealing the guys joke. I'd never seen anyone on here giving credit to people they hear the jokes from. And because ...

I threw away my vacuum cleaner......

because It kept collecting dust.

I'm sorry that joked sucked, like a vacuum cleaner

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