Here's a joke about a missing locomotive full of concepts and ideas.

Dang, I just lost my train of thought.

Texas started out as a great concept

But it's all in the execution

Never discuss the concept of Infinity with a mathematician

they can go on about it forever.

Marketing concepts.

Professor at college explaining marketing concepts to Students:
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to he...

Most of the people against death penalty aren't against the concept..

They are just against the execution.

Who ever invented the concept of zero

Thanks for nothing

Thieves don't understand the concept of jokes...

...They always take things literally

I recently read an article that claimed 77% of redditors don't understand the concept of percentages.

That's absurd, there isn't even that many of us.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

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So, Alex sees an ad in the newspaper that says “Circus Looking for New Talents”.

Alex says to himself, “Eh, what the hell. I’m pretty talented,” and calls the circus.
A lady answers him.

“Hello,” she says.

“Hi, is this the circus?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve heard you’re hiring.”

“You’ve heard correctly, sir. What is your name?”

“Alex.”

“Alr...

A lot of people think that women have more trouble getting pregnant after age 30...

But that’s actually a missed conception.

A sperm was undergoing training for conception

His instructor said, 'When the siren goes off, rush out the tunnel and swim until you find a red sticky ball. Address the ball and say "I'm a sperm" to which the ball will reply "I'm the egg". You will then work together to form the embryo. Do you understand?'

The sperm nodded. Days later, th...

A newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor.

"As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg. Address it and say, 'I'm a Sperm.' She will answer, 'I'm an Egg.' From that moment on you will wo...

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About a decade ago, Pope John Paul was visiting a convent of nuns, Our Sisters of the Immaculate Conception.

The whole place was so excited about his visit.

Mother Kate put Sister Margaret in charge of getting the finest fish for the dinner with the pope.

Sister Margaret took her task solemnly, and went to the market to get the best catch of the day.

“Good morning, sir. I’d like 12 ...

I knew this girl who didn't really understand the concept of the "V-Card"

I guess she thought it was an actual, physical card given to everyone at birth. And I guess she didn't understand why she didn't have one. So whenever someone would ask about it, she'd say

"I lost mine when I was too young to remember."

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There was once a really smart bee.

Ever since he was little, he had always wanted more than the simple, boring lives led by his fellow bees. After a few years, he left his job, his hive, and his family behind, in search of a better life.
He flew for hours until he came to a small Virginia town, on the edge of a forest. He landed, ...

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Bit of a political

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your ...

What do you call a martial artist who doesn't understand a concept?

Kungfused.

A woman once gave birth to 100 children and to avoid confusion, she simply named them after the number of their conception. Unfortunately, all of them, except for #90, died at a very young age...

90 was a little girl who grew up to be a great woman.

She married at a young age and gave birth to two children, a daughter and a son.

Unlike her own mother, she gave her offspring actual names.

But their names don't matter.

One day, the daughter and the son came acros...

Medical Marijuana isn't a new concept.

We've been using smoke to cure things for centuries.

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If a virgin conceiving is called an immaculate conception...

Is a virgin catching venereal disease called an immaculate infection???

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To all the mathematicians who came up with the concept of zero..

Now they've got a number to put on how many sexual encounters I've had.


Thanks for nothing.

What do you call it when a couple think that smoking while pregnant doesn’t harm the baby?

A mis-conception

I never understood the concept of lunch money

It doesn't taste any different than regular money.

I'm a very hairy guy, so...

...to me, the whole concept of manscaping is pretty nuts.

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Male sexbots are an interesting concept in theory

Until you try one and you lose him because he nuts and bolts

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As a lawyer, whenever someone asks me the joke "why did the chicken cross the road," this is always my response.

As counsel for the chicken, I have advised my client to invoke its 5th Amendment right to remain silent. The chicken with neither confirm nor deny crossing the road, nor the existence of the road thereof. Your concept of ‘crossing’ and ‘road’ do not rise to criminal conduct in any jurisdictional cou...

Free Speech - West vs East

A Russian diplomat and an American diplomat are discussing the differences between their two systems.

The American tries to make it easy for the Russian to understand the concept of free speech.

"Anytime I want", says the Yank, "I can walk right up to the top of the steps at Capital Hi...

The concept of dividing the globe into longitudinal strips or bands to establish time zones, was first proposed by Sweden's Alex Andersrag.

But few people today refer to these zones as Alex Andersrag Time Bands.

A Farmer and His Pigs

One day, a businessman living in New York decides he needs a break. He is feeling a little beat-up by the stresses of city life, and he concludes that a leisurely drive in the country would do him a world of good. So, he rents a car, and he sets off on his quest to find some peace of mind.

As...

India is credited with creating the concept of 0.

Thanks for nothing, India.

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him."Why do we have to learn this stuff?" the frustrated student blurted out."To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.A few minutes later the st...

Where was the concept of exaggeration invented?

Everyone knows.

I was testing children in my Sunday School class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.

I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered in unison.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?...

A man walks in to a bar

then someone shouts: "35"

And everyone starts laughing.

Then someone shouts: "87"

Once more, there is much laughing.

"Why are people laughing?" The man asks the bartender.

The bartender says that it is because everyone here knows the jokes. "Simply shout a number, ...

Where did this concept of kidnappers using white vans come from?

I mean, I just use my Prius, stop being so stereotypical, jeez.

Donald, we want to install turbines beside your golf courses to harness the incredible power of the wind! What do you think of these concept sketches?

"Not a huge fan."

Did you hear about the episode concept for Doctor Who where The Doctor accidentally falls into a food themed alternative dimension?

He was attacked by The Garlics

Jaguar just announced an XK-E Concept car they will show at the Frankfurt Auto Show this year.

They had been working on it for 10 years but they only recently figured out how to make it leak oil

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I love the concept of karma.

It means all the people I mistreat and fuck over every day must have it coming.

The concept of a shredder is

grate on paper.

I can’t imagine what it’s like to visit a country where nobody speaks your language.

The concept is completely foreign to me.

The BBC are setting up a theme park and asked the public what BBC show concept they would most like to ride. The number one survey response was simply...

"Benedict Cumberbatch."

I really like the concept of train tickets.

It's an idea I could get onboard with.

The concept of drilling for oil was ridiculous in the mid 19th century.

Now we just see it as groundbreaking.

An elderly couple, a priest, and a doctor walk into a bar

As they are sitting down and drinking, they eventually start talking about conception and the question of “when does life begin”.

The priest said in the Bible it states that life begins at conception Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you”. This is God’s word so it is true.<...

Meta-meta-joke

# Joke

A joke is something funny because unpredicatable that makes people laugh, giggle or smile. This is a a joke :



>I met a shepherd, we talked about ewe.



The fact that it takes a second to realize that "we talked about ewe" sounds like the well known sente...

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I realised today that as a straight male in my mid twenties, having been single for multiple years and surrounded myself with other men, I'd never taken the opportunity to take part in the tossing and rolling they did together behind closed doors. My older neighbor told me about it in 2nd grade and

I was fascinated by how far it broke from the concepts of "normalcy" I had been brought up with. He said they'd go for hours exploring with eachother, never leaving the room. Sometimes in middle school I'd walk by a class in the hall and hear a group of them grunting and huffing, occasionally lettin...

I'll try to explain the concept of lubricated soap....

...but its quite difficult to grasp.

Personal space is a concept I did not understand in Kindergarten

I guess that's why they fired me.

My dad couldn't quite grasp the concept of noise-cancelling headphones

Me: You put them on and you can't hear anything.

Him: Well then what's the point?

Elderly conception

An elderly couple go to the doctors office. They explain they would like to convince a child. The doctor explains how difficult it will be but the couple is persistent. He agrees to help and hands the old man a jar and tells him to fill it and bring it back.
The following day the couple return t...

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If abortions are illegal in 2 states

Sex without conception can become premeditated attempted murder.

Why don’t penguins get legally married?

Because they’re animals and have no concept of marriage.

Dr. Amrak, superintendent of the Tidder School District, was nervous about the upcoming budget meeting.

All of the schools in the district needed new benches and tables in their cafeterias. Unfortunately, the Tidder Comets were in a difficult financial situation, and all of the estimates for the cafeteria furniture were way too expensive. One day before the big meeting, Dr. Amrak told his secretary,...

A priest, a swami, and a rabbi...

A priest, a swami, and a rabbi were arguing as to who were the best at their job. So they decided to go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it to their respective religion. After several hours, they met up again at a local disco to share the result of their venture.

The priest...

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it’s an alcoholic, considering all the bars it frequents, to which the horse replies,"I don't think I am."

POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time in which any philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of cogito ergo sum, or roughly, "I think, therefore I am."

But to explain that concept beforehand would b...

Sweet Baby Jokes (philanthropic concept reversal)

What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
The trampoline doesn't look awfully cute in a sailor's outfit.

EDIT:
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles on the floor?
You lovingly cradle it in your arms and sing it lullabies.

The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S manufacturing non-competitive...

Donald Trump, 2012.

At an ecumenical round-table discussion, various religious leaders tried to answer the question "When does life start?"

"At conception," said the Catholic priest.

"No, no," said the Presbyterian minister. "It begins at birth."

"It’s in between," said the Baptist. "Life begins at 12 weeks when the fetus develops a functional heartbeat."

"I disagree with all of you," said the rabbi. "Life begins wh...

A boy came to his mother and asked her "Mom, where did I come from?"

The woman explained intercourse, insemination, conception, pregnancy and birth to her son in easy-to-understand terms. However, he still was puzzled, so she asked him "Do you understand what I said?"

The boy replied "Yes, I do, but what I want to know is where I came from. Jimmy in my class s...

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I have more memory of my conception than I do of last Saturday night...

though sometimes I really wish my parents hadn't done porn.

An eccentric professor brings a cloning machine into class to illustrate a difficult concept...

One student, gesturing to the demonstration, decides to reach out to his overachieving friend.
"I just don't understand what that thing does."
His friend, clearly bothered by the situation, snaps back, "that makes two of us!"

Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog...

But it’s actually a common mist-conception!

A priest, scientist and rabbi are discussing when life begins.

The priest says the answer is obvious, it begins at conception as decreed by God.

The scientist says no it begins at birth as at that point it can live outside of it's mother.

The rabbi says you are both wrong. It starts when the dog dies and the kids move out.

I don't understand the concept of foreskin

It goes right over my head

My girlfriend is like infinity.

Off the charts, but only a concept.

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Stolen concept, but funny nonetheless.

A farmer walked into his bedroom holding a lamb, waking his wife. He says "this is the pig I've been fucking." His wife says "that's not a pig, that's a lamb." The farmer yells " shut the fuck up, I was talking to the lamb!"

My joke about capital punishment got downvoted.

I guess it was great concept, poor execution.

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Three nuns

Three nuns, of the Immaculate conception nunnery were called in the office of the Chief Priest.

Priest said to them : I heard some rumors about your indecent behaviour with some men. But God is merciful and will forgive you if you come clean. He then asks the first nun to confess. «Father I ...

What would Newton be called if he ever went into space?

New, since the concept of weight does not exist in space.

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The horse says, "I just realized that I'm a metaphysical concept within a fictional narrative and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence."

A man and a priest are sitting next to each other at a bar.

A waitress walks up to the man and say,

"can I get you anything to drink". The man replies,

"I've had a long week, my wife's been screaming at me for days and need a pick me up, give me the strongest thing you've got".

Then the waitress turns to the priest and asks him the sam...

Why are there no altar girls?

Too many Immaculate Conceptions.

Sarcasm

Chuck Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips with the concept of sarcasm.
"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?" and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it gr...

This was deemed "pretty bad" by my friends...

I'm not really good at writing stories so bear with me.

Simon, a high school student, passed his sophomore year with a 100% in Algebra 2. Thinking he was the most outstanding student ever, he went to his counselor to ask if he can skip directly to Calculus AB.

"Calculus is a very rigor...

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