Marketing concepts.

Professor at college explaining marketing concepts to Students:
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to he...

Most of the people against death penalty aren't against the concept..

They are just against the execution.

Thieves don't understand the concept of jokes...

...They always take things literally

Who ever invented the concept of zero

Thanks for nothing

Eugenics is a disgusting concept

We should round up anyone who advocates for it and sterilize them.

What do you call a martial artist who doesn't understand a concept?

Kungfused.

Medical Marijuana isn't a new concept.

We've been using smoke to cure things for centuries.

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To all the mathematicians who came up with the concept of zero..

Now they've got a number to put on how many sexual encounters I've had.


Thanks for nothing.

I recently read an article that claimed 77% of redditors don't understand the concept of percentages.

That's absurd, there isn't even that many of us.

I knew this girl who didn't really understand the concept of the "V-Card"

I guess she thought it was an actual, physical card given to everyone at birth. And I guess she didn't understand why she didn't have one. So whenever someone would ask about it, she'd say

"I lost mine when I was too young to remember."

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Male sexbots are an interesting concept in theory

Until you try one and you lose him because he nuts and bolts

India is credited with creating the concept of 0.

Thanks for nothing, India.

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him."Why do we have to learn this stuff?" the frustrated student blurted out."To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.A few minutes later the st...

I was testing children in my Sunday School class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.

I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered in unison.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?...

Where was the concept of exaggeration invented?

Everyone knows.

I never understood the concept of lunch money

It doesn't taste any different than regular money.

Where did this concept of kidnappers using white vans come from?

I mean, I just use my Prius, stop being so stereotypical, jeez.

Donald, we want to install turbines beside your golf courses to harness the incredible power of the wind! What do you think of these concept sketches?

"Not a huge fan."

Jaguar just announced an XK-E Concept car they will show at the Frankfurt Auto Show this year.

They had been working on it for 10 years but they only recently figured out how to make it leak oil

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I love the concept of karma.

It means all the people I mistreat and fuck over every day must have it coming.

A scientist is in his lab...

So one day a scientist is in his lab, and he's stressed out. How will he get his next grant so he can do an experiment and feed his family for a while longer? He decides to take a small nap...

Then it hit him. After several all-nighters he came up with a prototype for **The World's First Trul...

I really like the concept of train tickets.

It's an idea I could get onboard with.

Did you hear about the episode concept for Doctor Who where The Doctor accidentally falls into a food themed alternative dimension?

He was attacked by The Garlics

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So, Alex sees an ad in the newspaper that says “Circus Looking for New Talents”.

Alex says to himself, “Eh, what the hell. I’m pretty talented,” and calls the circus.
A lady answers him.

“Hello,” she says.

“Hi, is this the circus?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve heard you’re hiring.”

“You’ve heard correctly, sir. What is your name?”

“Alex.”

“Alr...

The concept of drilling for oil was ridiculous in the mid 19th century.

Now we just see it as groundbreaking.

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Bit of a political

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your ...

My dad couldn't quite grasp the concept of noise-cancelling headphones

Me: You put them on and you can't hear anything.

Him: Well then what's the point?

I'll try to explain the concept of lubricated soap....

...but its quite difficult to grasp.

The BBC are setting up a theme park and asked the public what BBC show concept they would most like to ride. The number one survey response was simply...

"Benedict Cumberbatch."

Personal space is a concept I did not understand in Kindergarten

I guess that's why they fired me.

The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S manufacturing non-competitive...

Donald Trump, 2012.

Sweet Baby Jokes (philanthropic concept reversal)

What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
The trampoline doesn't look awfully cute in a sailor's outfit.

EDIT:
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles on the floor?
You lovingly cradle it in your arms and sing it lullabies.

An eccentric professor brings a cloning machine into class to illustrate a difficult concept...

One student, gesturing to the demonstration, decides to reach out to his overachieving friend.
"I just don't understand what that thing does."
His friend, clearly bothered by the situation, snaps back, "that makes two of us!"

I don't understand the concept of foreskin

It goes right over my head

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As a lawyer, whenever someone asks me the joke "why did the chicken cross the road," this is always my response.

As counsel for the chicken, I have advised my client to invoke its 5th Amendment right to remain silent. The chicken with neither confirm nor deny crossing the road, nor the existence of the road thereof. Your concept of ‘crossing’ and ‘road’ do not rise to criminal conduct in any jurisdictional cou...

I'm a very hairy guy, so...

...to me, the whole concept of manscaping is pretty nuts.

I never really got the concept of exact change...

It just never made cents.

A Farmer and His Pigs

One day, a businessman living in New York decides he needs a break. He is feeling a little beat-up by the stresses of city life, and he concludes that a leisurely drive in the country would do him a world of good. So, he rents a car, and he sets off on his quest to find some peace of mind.

As...

Free Speech - West vs East

A Russian diplomat and an American diplomat are discussing the differences between their two systems.

The American tries to make it easy for the Russian to understand the concept of free speech.

"Anytime I want", says the Yank, "I can walk right up to the top of the steps at Capital Hi...

A man walks in to a bar

then someone shouts: "35"

And everyone starts laughing.

Then someone shouts: "87"

Once more, there is much laughing.

"Why are people laughing?" The man asks the bartender.

The bartender says that it is because everyone here knows the jokes. "Simply shout a number, ...

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Stolen concept, but funny nonetheless.

A farmer walked into his bedroom holding a lamb, waking his wife. He says "this is the pig I've been fucking." His wife says "that's not a pig, that's a lamb." The farmer yells " shut the fuck up, I was talking to the lamb!"

I can’t imagine what it’s like to visit a country where nobody speaks your language.

The concept is completely foreign to me.

Meta-meta-joke

# Joke

A joke is something funny because unpredicatable that makes people laugh, giggle or smile. This is a a joke :



>I met a shepherd, we talked about ewe.



The fact that it takes a second to realize that "we talked about ewe" sounds like the well known sente...

Dr. Amrak, superintendent of the Tidder School District, was nervous about the upcoming budget meeting.

All of the schools in the district needed new benches and tables in their cafeterias. Unfortunately, the Tidder Comets were in a difficult financial situation, and all of the estimates for the cafeteria furniture were way too expensive. One day before the big meeting, Dr. Amrak told his secretary,...

Why don’t penguins get legally married?

Because they’re animals and have no concept of marriage.

A priest, a swami, and a rabbi...

A priest, a swami, and a rabbi were arguing as to who were the best at their job. So they decided to go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it to their respective religion. After several hours, they met up again at a local disco to share the result of their venture.

The priest...

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it’s an alcoholic, considering all the bars it frequents, to which the horse replies,"I don't think I am."

POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time in which any philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of cogito ergo sum, or roughly, "I think, therefore I am."

But to explain that concept beforehand would b...

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I realised today that as a straight male in my mid twenties, having been single for multiple years and surrounded myself with other men, I'd never taken the opportunity to take part in the tossing and rolling they did together behind closed doors. My older neighbor told me about it in 2nd grade and

I was fascinated by how far it broke from the concepts of "normalcy" I had been brought up with. He said they'd go for hours exploring with eachother, never leaving the room. Sometimes in middle school I'd walk by a class in the hall and hear a group of them grunting and huffing, occasionally lettin...

My girlfriend is like infinity.

Off the charts, but only a concept.

What would Newton be called if he ever went into space?

New, since the concept of weight does not exist in space.

My joke about capital punishment got downvoted.

I guess it was great concept, poor execution.

What do you call a hypothetically sliced apple?

A core concept.

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The horse says, "I just realized that I'm a metaphysical concept within a fictional narrative and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence."

A man and a priest are sitting next to each other at a bar.

A waitress walks up to the man and say,

"can I get you anything to drink". The man replies,

"I've had a long week, my wife's been screaming at me for days and need a pick me up, give me the strongest thing you've got".

Then the waitress turns to the priest and asks him the sam...

This was deemed "pretty bad" by my friends...

I'm not really good at writing stories so bear with me.

Simon, a high school student, passed his sophomore year with a 100% in Algebra 2. Thinking he was the most outstanding student ever, he went to his counselor to ask if he can skip directly to Calculus AB.

"Calculus is a very rigor...

Sarcasm

Chuck Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips with the concept of sarcasm.
"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?" and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it gr...

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A woman is pregnant...

....And when her 5 year old son notices her belly is getting big he asks his mom what she has in her belly. The mother in a natural attempt to avoid explaining such a sexually vivid concept to her son replies to him, “It’s just air sweetie.” A few months later on the day of delivery the boy meets hi...

I just graded a social studies essay on capitalism

Dan, my brightest student, wrote a brilliant essay about how wages and labor are balanced to ensure that a vendor sells his product at a competitive price. I gave him A marks.

Emily wrote an essay that touched upon the fundamentals, but didn't really explain the concepts with the quality and ...

Just saw on the news that Apple is suing Samsung:

They claim that the Galaxy S3 has copied concepts used on the iPhone 6.

I don't enjoy eating ass...

The entire concept just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

How many LaVeyan Satanists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Unlike you I am freed from the restraints of illusory concepts such as "light" and "dark".

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A man walks into a bar

and the bartender asks "so what'll it be?"

The man sighs, and takes a seat. After a long pause he says "I'll take a pint of ale, but after I tell you this story, you may end up buying it for me."

"Well, I guess it'd have to be one hell of a story."

"Well, you see, you know that...

I was teaching a bunch of black teenagers about slavery.

None of them liked the concept, but their grandparents were sold on the idea.

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