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Concept Jokes

My wife and I got into an argument because she said I don't understand the concept of irony.

Ironically, we were at a bus depot at the time.

A teacher is explaining the concept of statistics with an example: "Statistically, every time I breathe out, someone dies."

Student: "Have you tried antiseptic mouthwash, sir?"

Aristotle, Plato and Socrates walk into a café during the decline of the greek empire.

Aristotle, Plato and Socrates walk into a café during the decline of the greek empire. The barista asks each of them why they think the empire is falling.

Aristotle gives a powerful speech about how the empire has failed to live up to its telos and deconstructs the very nature of what an em...

my son says he's a small group of words that stand together to convey a concept

Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?

A professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept.

A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"

"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the...

Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics.

His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.

I love the concept of infinity.

I could talk about it forever.

A Jewish mother walks by a planned parenthood and sees a protestor who’s sign says “life begins at conception”

She goes up to the man and says “that may be true of Christian babies, but a Jewish fetus isn’t viable until it graduates medical school!”

I wanted to tell you all about this concept called nihilism.

But eh- it doesn’t matter.

Happy π day!

If you struggle to understand the concept of π, remember:
Where there is a wheel, there is a way.

So I went on Dragons Den with my grandad's shotgun and Peter Jones said, "so what's the business idea?"

I said, "It's a very simple concept, Peter. Put the money in the bag."

I tried to explain a concept to my friend using a metaphor about the shallow water along a shoreline.

Didn't work. He took it littorally

A sperm was undergoing training for conception

His instructor said, 'When the siren goes off, rush out the tunnel and swim until you find a red sticky ball. Address the ball and say "I'm a sperm" to which the ball will reply "I'm the egg". You will then work together to form the embryo. Do you understand?'

The sperm nodded. Days later, th...

I stopped paying attention to movie reviews after critics raved about The Green Mile.

Great concept, but terrible execution.

In light of the pandemic - we will no longer use the term "immaculate conception"...

It is being updated to "contactless delivery."

A newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor.

"As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg. Address it and say, 'I'm a Sperm.' She will answer, 'I'm an Egg.' From that moment on you will wo...

I recently read an article that claimed 77% of redditors don't understand the concept of percentages.

That's absurd, there isn't even that many of us.

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse responds "I've just realized I'm a metaphysical concept residing within a fictional narrative and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence."

I knew this girl who didn't really understand the concept of the "V-Card"

I guess she thought it was an actual, physical card given to everyone at birth. And I guess she didn't understand why she didn't have one. So whenever someone would ask about it, she'd say

"I lost mine when I was too young to remember."

A woman once gave birth to 100 children and to avoid confusion, she simply named them after the number of their conception. Unfortunately, all of them, except for #90, died at a very young age...

90 was a little girl who grew up to be a great woman.

She married at a young age and gave birth to two children, a daughter and a son.

Unlike her own mother, she gave her offspring actual names.

But their names don't matter.

One day, the daughter and the son came acros...

Thieves don't understand the concept of jokes...

...They always take things literally

The person who discovered the concept of time:

Last time I checked, time wasn't a thing.

Medical Marijuana isn't a new concept.

We've been using smoke to cure things for centuries.

I told my friend my original movie concept: An ex-Secret Service agent's teenage daughter is abducted by human traffickers while on a trip to Paris.

He said "Sorry mate, I think that idea's taken"

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About a decade ago, Pope John Paul was visiting a convent of nuns, Our Sisters of the Immaculate Conception.

The whole place was so excited about his visit.

Mother Kate put Sister Margaret in charge of getting the finest fish for the dinner with the pope.

Sister Margaret took her task solemnly, and went to the market to get the best catch of the day.

“Good morning, sir. I’d like 12 ...

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Marriage

The child was a typical four-year-old girl -- cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny.

When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.

One page after another, he pointed out...

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If a virgin conceiving is called an immaculate conception...

Is a virgin catching venereal disease called an immaculate infection???

In college I became obsessed with the concept of a doppelgänger

I began a quest to find mine. After a year and half of tracking down leads, I uncovered his phone number. I immediately called him but the line was busy.

Do you know why reddit has the concept of cake day?

Because everyone knows you're not celebrating your real birthday with anyone.

^(It was my birthday a while ago. It's my cake day tomorrow, and here I am.)

Edit : oh my god why. This is already the biggest birthday bash I’ve ever had.

A man is explaining the concepts of time travel.

He speaks of how you must not manipulate what happened before, because that is how the current events occurred. However, it may be possible to change what will happen, due to quantum uncertainty.

In summary, he passed the past, presented the present and featured the future.

What do you call a martial artist who doesn't understand a concept?

Kungfused.

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My favourite nun joke

The nuns from the Convent of the Immaculate Conception were on a day trip when their bus went off the road, plunged over a cliff and they were all killed.

It had been a long day at the gates of heaven and Saint Peter had been counting down the minutes to knocking off time and some well-earned...

The BBC are setting up a theme park and asked the public what BBC show concept they would most like to ride. The number one survey response was simply...

"Benedict Cumberbatch."

My son is beginning to truly understand the concept of love.

He recently asked me, "Papa, do you love me"? I answered back with, "Do you want the short answer or the long answer, because the short answer is yes". My son then asked, "Well what's the long answer"? To which I replied, "Indubitably".

See Vodafone opened up a concept Hotel recently

There's no Reception

Where did this concept of kidnappers using white vans come from?

I mean, I just use my Prius, stop being so stereotypical, jeez.

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I love the concept of karma.

It means all the people I mistreat and fuck over every day must have it coming.

Never discuss the concept of Infinity with a mathematician

they can go on about it forever.

Here's a joke about a missing locomotive full of concepts and ideas.

Dang, I just lost my train of thought.

Texas started out as a great concept

But it's all in the execution

Parallel universes are a cool concept

but there’s no way I could park in one.

Where was the concept of exaggeration invented?

Everyone knows.

The concept of dividing the globe into longitudinal strips or bands to establish time zones, was first proposed by Sweden's Alex Andersrag.

But few people today refer to these zones as Alex Andersrag Time Bands.

I never understood the concept of lunch money

It doesn't taste any different than regular money.

India is credited with creating the concept of 0.

Thanks for nothing, India.

Marketing concepts.

Professor at college explaining marketing concepts to Students:
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to he...

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To all the mathematicians who came up with the concept of zero..

Now they've got a number to put on how many sexual encounters I've had.


Thanks for nothing.

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Male sexbots are an interesting concept in theory

Until you try one and you lose him because he nuts and bolts

Did you hear about the episode concept for Doctor Who where The Doctor accidentally falls into a food themed alternative dimension?

He was attacked by The Garlics

Elderly conception

An elderly couple go to the doctors office. They explain they would like to convince a child. The doctor explains how difficult it will be but the couple is persistent. He agrees to help and hands the old man a jar and tells him to fill it and bring it back.
The following day the couple return t...

I was testing children in my Sunday School class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.

I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered in unison.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?...

I'll try to explain the concept of lubricated soap....

...but its quite difficult to grasp.

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A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism.

Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government.

We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people....

Jaguar just announced an XK-E Concept car they will show at the Frankfurt Auto Show this year.

They had been working on it for 10 years but they only recently figured out how to make it leak oil

Personal space is a concept I did not understand in Kindergarten

I guess that's why they fired me.

The concept of drilling for oil was ridiculous in the mid 19th century.

Now we just see it as groundbreaking.

An eccentric professor brings a cloning machine into class to illustrate a difficult concept...

One student, gesturing to the demonstration, decides to reach out to his overachieving friend.
"I just don't understand what that thing does."
His friend, clearly bothered by the situation, snaps back, "that makes two of us!"

The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S manufacturing non-competitive...

Donald Trump, 2012.

A Lawyer goes shooting and brings down a marvellous pheasant right on Farmer Joe's field...

Knowing the law, he goes over to the farmhouse and knocks on the door, farmer Joe opens, and the Lawyer speaks,

"Excuse me sir, but I'm a lawyer on a shoot, and I happen to have brought down a fairly marvellous pheasant over in your field yonder. Being a lawyer (I happen to have attended an e...

God and the devil chat about music

The god and the devil were chating, as they usually do when the concept of music came up.
With a bit of intrigue God asked the devil how he'd managed to get into every genre of music, from rock & rap to hip hop & metal ect .
The devil chuckled no no no , music is too special, too human...

"Time is an arbitrary concept"

is apparently a bad way to explain to your boss why you missed the project deadline

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I have more memory of my conception than I do of last Saturday night...

though sometimes I really wish my parents hadn't done porn.

I don't understand the concept of foreskin

It goes right over my head

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Stolen concept, but funny nonetheless.

A farmer walked into his bedroom holding a lamb, waking his wife. He says "this is the pig I've been fucking." His wife says "that's not a pig, that's a lamb." The farmer yells " shut the fuck up, I was talking to the lamb!"

One day, a lawyer finds a genie's lamp.

The lawyer rubs the lamp, and the genie comes out.


"You have three wishes," the genie says. "The only rule is that you can't wish for more wishes."


After thinking for a while, the lawyer finally says, "I wish the word *splork* were interchangeable with the word *wish*. Nex...

The driest, most esoteric joke I know.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies ~~I don't think I am"~~ "I think not!" POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to...

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A well-renown, high-powered lawyer was just in a horrific car accident.

He was side-swiped, ripping the driver's side door completely off.

A police officer, who happened to be there, ran straight to the man. He found the him sitting on the ground against the wreck angrily swearing and yelling.

Officer: (Relieved the man is well enough to be yelling): "You...

A scientist is in his lab...

So one day a scientist is in his lab, and he's stressed out. How will he get his next grant so he can do an experiment and feed his family for a while longer? He decides to take a small nap...

Then it hit him. After several all-nighters he came up with a prototype for **The World's First Trul...

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