UPJOKE
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A professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept.

A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"

"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the...

Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics.

His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.

I've never understood the concept of bullying

Why are YOU mad that I'M ugly?

I wanted to tell you all about this concept called nihilism.

But eh- it doesn’t matter.

A Jewish mother walks by a planned parenthood and sees a protestor who’s sign says “life begins at conception”

She goes up to the man and says “that may be true of Christian babies, but a Jewish fetus isn’t viable until it graduates medical school!”

I stopped paying attention to movie reviews after critics raved about The Green Mile.

Great concept, but terrible execution.

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Immaculate conception disproven in 8 words.

Hey reddit, so by complete accident I've disproven the theory of Jesus's virgin birth through researching Christmas tunes. This can be found in the first eight words of 'Joy to the World'

Joy to the world, the Lord is cum.

I love the concept of infinity.

I could talk about it forever.

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My favourite nun joke

The nuns from the Convent of the Immaculate Conception were on a day trip when their bus went off the road, plunged over a cliff and they were all killed.

It had been a long day at the gates of heaven and Saint Peter had been counting down the minutes to knocking off time and some well-earned...

I tried to explain a concept to my friend using a metaphor about the shallow water along a shoreline.

Didn't work. He took it littorally

A sperm was undergoing training for conception

His instructor said, 'When the siren goes off, rush out the tunnel and swim until you find a red sticky ball. Address the ball and say "I'm a sperm" to which the ball will reply "I'm the egg". You will then work together to form the embryo. Do you understand?'

The sperm nodded. Days later, th...

In light of the pandemic - we will no longer use the term "immaculate conception"...

It is being updated to "contactless delivery."

God and the devil chat about music

The god and the devil were chating, as they usually do when the concept of music came up.
With a bit of intrigue God asked the devil how he'd managed to get into every genre of music, from rock & rap to hip hop & metal ect .
The devil chuckled no no no , music is too special, too human...

My teacher asked me if π was a rational number even though she hadn't thought us the concept of rational numbers...

I mean that's just not rational.

How to get to Heaven from Ireland (A true Story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher)...

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them,
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered.
"If I cl...

I recently read an article that claimed 77% of redditors don't understand the concept of percentages.

That's absurd, there isn't even that many of us.

A newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor.

"As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg. Address it and say, 'I'm a Sperm.' She will answer, 'I'm an Egg.' From that moment on you will wo...

The person who discovered the concept of time:

Last time I checked, time wasn't a thing.

A woman once gave birth to 100 children and to avoid confusion, she simply named them after the number of their conception. Unfortunately, all of them, except for #90, died at a very young age...

90 was a little girl who grew up to be a great woman.

She married at a young age and gave birth to two children, a daughter and a son.

Unlike her own mother, she gave her offspring actual names.

But their names don't matter.

One day, the daughter and the son came acros...

I knew this girl who didn't really understand the concept of the "V-Card"

I guess she thought it was an actual, physical card given to everyone at birth. And I guess she didn't understand why she didn't have one. So whenever someone would ask about it, she'd say

"I lost mine when I was too young to remember."

Thieves don't understand the concept of jokes...

...They always take things literally

I told my friend my original movie concept: An ex-Secret Service agent's teenage daughter is abducted by human traffickers while on a trip to Paris.

He said "Sorry mate, I think that idea's taken"

A man is explaining the concepts of time travel.

He speaks of how you must not manipulate what happened before, because that is how the current events occurred. However, it may be possible to change what will happen, due to quantum uncertainty.

In summary, he passed the past, presented the present and featured the future.

Do you know why reddit has the concept of cake day?

Because everyone knows you're not celebrating your real birthday with anyone.

^(It was my birthday a while ago. It's my cake day tomorrow, and here I am.)

Edit : oh my god why. This is already the biggest birthday bash I’ve ever had.

In college I became obsessed with the concept of a doppelgänger

I began a quest to find mine. After a year and half of tracking down leads, I uncovered his phone number. I immediately called him but the line was busy.

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How can we explain the concept of 'recursion' to a non IT person

Imagine you are wanking,

to the thought of yourself wanking thinking the same thing(1),

who in turn is thinking about himself wanking while wanking(2),

and yet again another level(3),

and it goes n times deep, till one guy finishes, which makes the next level up climax...

Medical Marijuana isn't a new concept.

We've been using smoke to cure things for centuries.

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About a decade ago, Pope John Paul was visiting a convent of nuns, Our Sisters of the Immaculate Conception.

The whole place was so excited about his visit.

Mother Kate put Sister Margaret in charge of getting the finest fish for the dinner with the pope.

Sister Margaret took her task solemnly, and went to the market to get the best catch of the day.

“Good morning, sir. I’d like 12 ...

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A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism.

Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government.

We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people....

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If a virgin conceiving is called an immaculate conception...

Is a virgin catching venereal disease called an immaculate infection???

See Vodafone opened up a concept Hotel recently

There's no Reception

What do you call a martial artist who doesn't understand a concept?

Kungfused.

Here's a joke about a missing locomotive full of concepts and ideas.

Dang, I just lost my train of thought.

Never discuss the concept of Infinity with a mathematician

they can go on about it forever.

Texas started out as a great concept

But it's all in the execution

Who ever invented the concept of zero

Thanks for nothing

The BBC are setting up a theme park and asked the public what BBC show concept they would most like to ride. The number one survey response was simply...

"Benedict Cumberbatch."

Parallel universes are a cool concept

but there’s no way I could park in one.

Where did this concept of kidnappers using white vans come from?

I mean, I just use my Prius, stop being so stereotypical, jeez.

A Lawyer goes shooting and brings down a marvellous pheasant right on Farmer Joe's field...

Knowing the law, he goes over to the farmhouse and knocks on the door, farmer Joe opens, and the Lawyer speaks,

"Excuse me sir, but I'm a lawyer on a shoot, and I happen to have brought down a fairly marvellous pheasant over in your field yonder. Being a lawyer (I happen to have attended an e...

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I love the concept of karma.

It means all the people I mistreat and fuck over every day must have it coming.

Marketing concepts.

Professor at college explaining marketing concepts to Students:
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to he...

The concept of dividing the globe into longitudinal strips or bands to establish time zones, was first proposed by Sweden's Alex Andersrag.

But few people today refer to these zones as Alex Andersrag Time Bands.

I never understood the concept of lunch money

It doesn't taste any different than regular money.

Where was the concept of exaggeration invented?

Everyone knows.

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To all the mathematicians who came up with the concept of zero..

Now they've got a number to put on how many sexual encounters I've had.


Thanks for nothing.

India is credited with creating the concept of 0.

Thanks for nothing, India.

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Male sexbots are an interesting concept in theory

Until you try one and you lose him because he nuts and bolts

Did you hear about the episode concept for Doctor Who where The Doctor accidentally falls into a food themed alternative dimension?

He was attacked by The Garlics

Elderly conception

An elderly couple go to the doctors office. They explain they would like to convince a child. The doctor explains how difficult it will be but the couple is persistent. He agrees to help and hands the old man a jar and tells him to fill it and bring it back.
The following day the couple return t...

Sentient meat

2 Aliens meeting on their starship after a scan of the solar system:

Are there any lifeforms in that solar system

Well it's difficult to really explain

What do you mean

They're made out of meat.

Meat?

Meat. They're made out of meat.

Meat?

There...

One day, a lawyer finds a genie's lamp.

The lawyer rubs the lamp, and the genie comes out.


"You have three wishes," the genie says. "The only rule is that you can't wish for more wishes."


After thinking for a while, the lawyer finally says, "I wish the word *splork* were interchangeable with the word *wish*. Nex...

I'll try to explain the concept of lubricated soap....

...but its quite difficult to grasp.

Jaguar just announced an XK-E Concept car they will show at the Frankfurt Auto Show this year.

They had been working on it for 10 years but they only recently figured out how to make it leak oil

Personal space is a concept I did not understand in Kindergarten

I guess that's why they fired me.

The concept of drilling for oil was ridiculous in the mid 19th century.

Now we just see it as groundbreaking.

What's the major difference between wives and husbands who are trying to have children?

Wives want to videotape the birth of their child. Husbands want to videotape the conception.

The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S manufacturing non-competitive...

Donald Trump, 2012.

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A well-renown, high-powered lawyer was just in a horrific car accident.

He was side-swiped, ripping the driver's side door completely off.

A police officer, who happened to be there, ran straight to the man. He found the him sitting on the ground against the wreck angrily swearing and yelling.

Officer: (Relieved the man is well enough to be yelling): "You...

An eccentric professor brings a cloning machine into class to illustrate a difficult concept...

One student, gesturing to the demonstration, decides to reach out to his overachieving friend.
"I just don't understand what that thing does."
His friend, clearly bothered by the situation, snaps back, "that makes two of us!"

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I have more memory of my conception than I do of last Saturday night...

though sometimes I really wish my parents hadn't done porn.

I don't understand the concept of foreskin

It goes right over my head

(popular indian Joke) Why doesnt china have a cricket team?

They eat bats and don't understand the concept of boundaries..

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Three nuns die and go to heaven.

St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and tells them that they’ll have to each answer a question about the Bible before being allowed into heaven.

“Sister, tell me, what is the holy trinity?” he asks the first nun.

The first nun answers “The father, the son and the Holy Ghost”. <...

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Stolen concept, but funny nonetheless.

A farmer walked into his bedroom holding a lamb, waking his wife. He says "this is the pig I've been fucking." His wife says "that's not a pig, that's a lamb." The farmer yells " shut the fuck up, I was talking to the lamb!"

The driest, most esoteric joke I know.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies ~~I don't think I am"~~ "I think not!" POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to...

An old joke from Germany, when Trump jad just became President...

Trump is on Europe tour. He stops by in Germany and visits Mrs. Merkel in the german pariament; the 'Bundestag'.

He sees that everything there is working out just fine, so he asks her: "How do you do that?"
"What?", she asks.
"That everything works out so well?"

"Oh, that's easy....

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Two knights had known each other for several years and were very good friends.

The first knight had a very intelligent, fast and strong horse, capable of understanding human language, outspeeding landslides and staying in battle longer than anyother animal.
The second knight asked himself whether the first one would give him the horse but, instead of asking, he kept thinkin...

What do science and deep fried food at the Texas State Fair have in common?

At their core, both concepts ask if you could but not if you should

A brilliant scientist successfully creates a lifelike deer cyborg.

Dr. Holmes, after many years of biotechnological research, finally succeeded in his secret project, using funds diverted from his research grant. Because the project needed to be kept off the records, Dr. Holmes kept the deer at home.

The cyborg would grow and develop just as a normal fawn wo...

I hear they're trying to make flying fridges

It's a cool concept but I don't think it's going to take off

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I heard they were making a new Power Rangers show, so I checked it out.

Since the producers wanted to show to be more fluid to all people, they decided to bring in new rangers. They had all the usual colored rangers, but then they started to add a few more as the show went on.


There were three new rangers that had different disabilities. One was colored ora...

What did one sperm say to the other?

I have no conception of what I'm supposed to be doing.

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