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philosophycomputer sciencesyllogismrationalityaristotletautologysystempropositionaxiomanalyticinductivesemanticsnegationmathematicstheory

Male Logic...

***Woman: And how long have you been drinking?***

***Man: About 20 years, I suppose***

***Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5,400 ...correct?***

***Woman: Do you know that if ...

A professor in a Logic class says "Alright class, if you know what 'affirming the consequent' means, then raise your hand."

A student raises her hand.



The Professor says "Ah, yes. You know what it is?"



The student says "No, why would you think so?"

After having failed his exam in Logic, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my grade as is and go. If you howev...

Logic 101

Nothing is better than eternal happiness.

A cheese sandwich is better than nothing.

Therefore, a cheese sandwich is better than eternal happiness.

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Man and logic

So a man had three girlfriends and he needed to choose one of them to marry so he gave them each 5 grand to see what they would do with it

The first spent it all on herself- getting her hair done, nails done, outfits so that she could look amazing for him

The second took the money an...

Problem about being in IT. You go by requirements and logic.

Husband is a programmer.


Wife : Honey, please go to the super market and get 1 bottle of milk.
If they have bananas, bring 6.


He came back with 6 bottles of milk.


Wife: Why the hell did you buy 6 bottles of milk?!?!


Husband (confused): BECAUSE THEY HAD...

Logic

A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, 'Is it a boy or a girl?' The logician says, 'Yes.'

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Equally Logical - Jewish parable from 1948

A group of Nazis surrounded an elderly Berlin Jew and demanded of him, "Tell us Jew, who caused the war?"

The little Jew was no fool. "The Jews," he said, then added, "and the bicycle riders."

The Nazis were puzzled. "Why the bicycle riders?"

"Why the Jews?" answered the little ...

Programming logic

The programmer's spouse asks the programmer to go to the store

The spouse says, "Get a loaf of bread, if they have eggs, get a dozen."

The programmer comes home with a dozen loaves of bread and says, "They had eggs."

Logic.

Once you understand why the pizza is made round.

Packed in a square box, and eaten as a triangle...

Then you will understand Women.....

So explain this logic for me. So a girl can cuddle another girl and still be straight right?

But when I cuddle another guy I’m “a creep” and “need to leave the morgue immediately”

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Talmud logic exposed

A young man in his mid-twenties knocks on the door of the noted scholar Rabbi Shwartz. “My name is Sean Goldstein,” he says. “I’ve come to you because I wish to study Talmud.”

“Do you know Aramaic?” the rabbi asks.

“No,” replies the young man.

“Hebrew?” asks the Rabbi.

“N...

A Man's Logic

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine mont...

Logic hurts.....

*Wife:* I have a bag full of used clothing I’d like to donate.
*Husband:* Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.
*Wife:* But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.
*Husband:* Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

Blonde logic...

A man walks into a sports bar. He sits down next to this blonde at the bar and stares up at the TV as the 10:00 news comes on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looks over and says “Do you think he'll jump?"

The ...

Logic of a Boy:

Boy aged 4: Dad, I’ve decided to get married.

Dad: Wonderful; do you have a girl in mind?

Boy: Yes… grandma! She said she loves me, I love her, too… and she’s the best cook and story teller in the whole world!

Dad: That’s nice, but we have a small problem there!

Boy: What...

Halloween logic-gate joke I came up with

What do you call someone who will always banish one of 2 spirits, but never both?

An XORcist

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There is no arguing with cowboy logic.

The Sierra Club and the US Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predator, the naturalists had a "more humane" solution. What ...

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An Irish radio station was running a competition

Words that weren’t in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.

DJ: “96 FM here, what’s your name?”

Caller: “Hi, my name’s Dave.”

DJ: “Dave, what’s your word?”

Caller: “Goan... spelt G-O-A-N p...

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Professor of Logic

So I live in a friendly neighborhood and everyone really likes to talk to their neighbours.

So This new guy moved into my neighborhood and I as a friendly neighbour introduced myself.


"Hi I'm Norm McDonald" so he says something something I don't remember his name. He asks what do y...

After jacking myself off to logical deduction, i realized that im really weird.

This is the conclusion that i came to.

Fiction Logic: How many anime dudes does it take to change a lightbulb

One...

But it takes them 10 god damn episodes.

A Logical Conclusion

They say a camera adds 10 pounds.

After my last look in the mirror, I must be under heavy surveillance.

Jim Just Started a Class on Logic

On the Friday before the first weekend of the semester, the Professor announces that there will be a quiz the following week, and it will be a surprise. By a "surprise", he clarifies that while he knows when the quiz will be, the students **will not know** which day the quiz will be ahead of time, s...

Reddit logic.

- Oh I see you made a comment, I'm sorry to inform you it got deleted! You don't have enough karma to make the comment.

= That's fine! How do I make enough karma then?

- You need up votes and rewards on your comments of course!

= ok...? I will make one then and hopefully I get u...

Perfume is a very logical business.

It always makes scents.

What's the most logical building in the USA?

The US Mint.. it makes a lot of cents.

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...

The doctor asked the man how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "things are great, and I've never felt better! I now have a 20-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that, doc?"
The doctor considered the question for a minute, and then began to tell a story...

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to ...

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The Logical Redneck

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic.

"What's Logic?" the first redneck asks.

The professor answers by saying, "Let me giv...

I've just discovered that I have a logic fetish.

I can't stop coming to conclusions.

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A hillbilly decides to get his life together

One day 2 hillbillies are sitting on their porch rocking chairs listening to the radio and one of them says, “man there’s gotta be more to life than this, I’m tired of not doing anything useful.” Right then, an ad starts playing on the radio for the local community college. That’s it! The hillbilly ...

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Logic

Bob and bill are at a bar drinking and talking.

Bob: I have been taking this new class at the local university lately. The class is called logic.

Bill: tell me more

Bob: ok let me give you an example. Do you have a lawnmower?

Bill: yes

Bob: so that means you ha...

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A man goes to see a doctor about his stuttering problem.

The doctor enters the exam room and says "Good afternoon! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ww... wwh... well," says the man, "I ha... have have thissss... t.. t... terrible stutter alm...most mh... mh... mh... my wh... who.... whole l.. life. P..P..People make... fu...fu..fun of me. I ca.. ca....

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Why did the Helium atom feel lonely? No one wanted to bond with it would be a logical answer.

The truth is, it is just an asshole!

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Logic

Three professors visit a nudist beach, and strip off. After some time they notice the Dean and his wife approaching. Two of the professors immediately cover their private parts with towels, but the professor of logic covers his face. When asked why, he says "My face is the way that I am usually reco...

My ex told me we broke up because I'm too reliant on logic and refuse to acknowledge my emotions.

I told her, correlation is not causation.

Logical fallacies are annoying.

Therefore, people that don't know about them are annoying.

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A first-year college student found himself repeatedly impressed by the wit and wisdom of the philosophy majors he'd met...

A first-year college student found himself repeatedly impressed by the wit and wisdom of the philosophy majors he'd met. One day he plucked up the nerve to ask one of them, "So how come all you philosophy majors are so smart?" 

"Oh, that's no mystery," the philosophy major answered. "We've al...

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Santa wants to learn the subject Logic

he goes to his friend Banta, and says, this 'Logic' is really difficult for me to understand. Could you please help teach it to me.

Banta: well its really simple. let me give you an example. Do you have an aquarium in your house?

Santa: Yes

Banta: logically there must be fishes ...

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Proof that men are logical:

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder. This evidently pissed the driver off enough, that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off.

"Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myse...

Logic

The amount of people who don't know the difference between too and to is two damn high

Canadian Logic

If I can hit you with a Hockey Stick...(And I will) You're too close.

\#covid-19

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So two people are discussing logic..

One of them asks what logic is an the other one explains:
A_”So, you have a fish tank?”
B_”Yeah”
A_”So you like fish and water?”
B_”Yes”
A_”Where else can we find fishes and water together?”
B_”The sea!”
A_”Yes. And you also like beaches considering how close they are to sea”...

My friend told me that he thinks pennies are not logical

I just don’t get it. They make perfect cents

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My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."

My Mother taught me MEDICINE..."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD..."If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"

My Mother taught me ESP..."Put your sweater on; don't you think that I kn...

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My teacher said people who study programming are better at "If-Then" logic

I've determined it's a bunch of booleshit.

Logic.

In class I learned:
Nothing is better than ice cream to eat on a hot summers day.
I also learned that if stranded on a desert island and you have crackers then at least they're better than nothing.
My professor then pointed out that crackers are better than ice cream and he logically prove...

Don’t argue with the logic of a sonogram technician

It’s ultrasound

Anti-Vaxxers are immune to logical arguments

too bad for them they aren't immune to everything else

How the grandkids view us old folks (Long)

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lips...

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Logic at the Community College

Looking for a little knowledge, Jimmy walks into his local community college and asks the admissions clerk on duty what classes are being offered. The clerk tells Jimmy there is a logic course starting up soon.
"Logic?" Asks Jimmy, "what's that?"
"Logic is real easy, let me explain it this way...

A student is failing his classes, so he goes to the teacher with a bet

"I will tell you a riddle. You have an entire week to solve it. If you do, I am giving you 500€, if you don't, you give me an A"

"I accept"

"What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?"

The teacher thinks and thinks the entire week, but d...

When logic goes wrong...

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he...

No one uses logic anymore

I miss the Godel days.

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If a female ferret doesn't have sex for a year, she will die. By that logic then, if my wife was a ferret...

She'd be a lot sexier.

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Logic 101

Mitch sees Nick, an old friend, and walks up to him: "Where have you been? Haven't seen you for a while at the pub. Wanna join us on the card game tonight?"

"I can't. I have a lecture in an hour."

"A lecture? Aren't you too old to study?"

"You're never too old to study the logic...

Legal but not Logical

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"

Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, ...

3 logicians walk into a bar

The barkeep says, “do you all want a drink? “

The first one says “ I don’t know”
The second one says “I don’t know”
The third one says “yes”

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A joke

Jeff and Tim were sitting at a bar drinking, and Jeff turned to Tim and said, “y’know i never got me a proper education. I think I’ll go down to the community college and sign up for some classes”.
So Jeff later that day went to the community college and spoke to a man and the man told him “I’ll ...

How is a joke like an animal?

When you dissect it, it dies.

Get it? Because just like when you take apart an animal to see how it works, it obviously can't be alive anymore, by the same logic, picking apart the inner workings of a joke by over-explaining the punchline is going to kill the humorous spirit it carries; it wo...

Blonde Logic

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Highway Patrol.
The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all wanna be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder.
...

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Blonde Logic Highlights

Blonde Logic

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..."duh"...bottles won't fit in typewriter!

March - Got excited...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...box said "2-4 years!"

Apr...

What does an anti-vaxxer say when confronted with logical reasoning?

“BEGONE, THOUGHT!”

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Professor of Logic

A guy sees his new neighbor out in his backyard, so he decides to get acquainted. After introductions, he asks the new neighbor what he does for a living.

The new neighbor says, "I'm a professor." The first neigbhbor then asks, "Oh yeah, what do you teach?"

"Logic," the professor repon...

Have you heard the song ISIS by Joyner Lucas ft Logic

The song has been really blowing up recently

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An Old Joke

The year is 2120, and our story follows Joe McFlinch and his journey to overcome his inner demons. 'Who is Joe?', you may be wondering. Well, Joe is a cowardly 29 year old male. He has no special talents or skills, no hobbies, and most sadly, no friends. If I were to describe him as a dish, he would...

Little girl logic

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher...

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Three flight attendants are at work when the captain announces that everyone should prepare for a crash landing.

The blonde flight attendant sits down and starts doing her makeup. "I figure, " she explains, "that if I'm looking pretty I'll be rescued first."

Seeing no flaws in this logic, the second flight attendant starts trying to fix his hair.

Our third attendant, a black woman, starts thinki...

Did you hear the one about the Logical Induction paper?

I don’t know if it exists, but there are good papers leading up to it.

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College Level Logic

Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, having a brew.

Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education.

Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes."

Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two le...

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Redneck logic..

A redneck is peeing in a urinal looks downs and sees a quarter and thinks about it... Reaches in his pocket and throws in another quarter. Then reaches in the urinal and pulls out both quarters. Another man is staring at him and the redneck says "not for a quarter but for fifty cents hell yeah".

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Sounds logical

A little boy is on the toilet with diarrhea. He tells his mom to give him some viagra. “ What on earth would you need viagra for?” says the mom. The little boy says,” isn’t that what you give dad when his shit won’t get hard?”

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Logic

Two friends were sitting in a bar one night and one said to the other, "You know I'm tired of being stupid. I think I'm going to go to college." The other man just laughs at him in disbelief.


The next morning the guy goes to the local community college and tells them he wants to start. T...

Why I love circular logic...

Because I love circular logic!

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Tom walks on the street

Tom walks on the street and sees an old friend in a hurry with his hands full of books.

"Hey Dave. Long time no see. Where are you going with all those books?"

"I just enrolled in a university and I'm going home to study."

"And what are you studying?"

"Logic"

"Logi...

longest word in the English language - Funny but logical

What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"

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Yokel Logic

Two country types are sitting outside a university, when a man comes out. One of them stands up, and goes over to talk to this man.

He says ''Ello there, son. You look loike one of them clever university toipes. What is it that you're studyin' then?'

The man, slightly stunned, says, '...

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Doctor of logic

Two Irish men are sitting down in a pub. They notice a man walk in with an amazing suit on. They both start talking about what job he has. So one of the Irishmen goes over and asks what job he has.

Irishman-"Excuse me mate, that's a lovely suit you've got there, could I ask you what job you h...

I read that Logic's touching performance at the Grammys tripled calls to the suicide prevention line,

Apparently Fergie's national anthem more than quintupled them

Why did the Republican hate his logic course?

Because Philosophy is considered a *liberal* art

“Some people ask ‘why’ to determine a motive, I ask ‘why’ because I don’t believe there’s any logical reason to do anything.”

-Nietzsche on the habits of road crossing chickens

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Two Americans named George and Ted were vacationing in London one day. While Ted was using the bathroom at a restaurant, George saw two familiar-looking men enter the restaurant.

"Where have I seen you before?" asked George.

"You may have read our stories," replied one of the two men. "I'm Dr. John Watson, and this is my roommate, Sherlock Holmes, who is absolutely perfect at logic."

"Logic?" asked George. "What's that?"

"Tell me something about yourself...

Logic

What happens when u ask a fake logic fan... What is your favorite logic album?

Their response Flexicution

The person who wrote the auto-correct logic was killed in a bizarre farming accident.

Rest in Pieces!

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Did you hear about the man who thought sex was better than logic?

He couldn't prove it

Anti-vaxxers are the most logical people that ever existed.

The joke ended right there , pretty much like their kid's life.

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If we used the same logic behind Aftershave...

We would call hand soap ‘Aftershit’.

Logic Lesson

A Fourth-grade teacher was giving a lesson and logic in class one day.

"Here's the situation" she said." A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in,and begin splashing around and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, and knowing...

Which president was the most logical?

Lincoln. He made the most cents.

Sounds logical

Q; If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog -- at least he'll quiet down after you let him in.

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