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My wife was inhaling popcorn and nearly choked to death on an un-popped kernel.

I almost had to call the popcoroner.

(Real life: my wife really was eating popcorn with no breathing in between and I said “maybe slow down so you don’t choke on that. I don’t want to have to call the pop coroner”, and she abruptly started laughing and, I swear, choked on some (non-fatal). ...

What do you call a single kernel of corn?

A uni-corn

Right before I die, i'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels.

My cremation is going to be epic.

What do you call a really scholarly kernel?

An acadamian nut

Two Russian soldiers and a Chechen soldier are discussing their invasion

"These people are really taking this so personally, but we are trying to help them!" says the first solder.

"Yes, I know! Even the women and children!" replies the next. "They gave me these sunflower seeds and told me I would grow beautiful flowers from my corpse. I couldn't believe it!"
<...

What did the corn boy say when he lost his kernels?

THIS SHUCKS

Did you here the one about the shy corn kernel that went to the party.

They say he really popped when he came out of his shell.

What do you call things used to smooth corn kernels?

Kernel Sanders.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a guy has a crippling anxiety: he believes himself to be a kernel of corn

he seeks out the help of a therapist, who eventually has the man committed to an asylum. at the asylum, they work with him for months, until finally they have convinced him that he is NOT a kernel of corn, but in fact a man. they sign him out and he walks out the door, but not more than five minutes...

What did the Marvel character say when he attained full control of his Android's CPU and Kernel?

I am Root.

A bit of corn tries to get into heaven

St Peter asks
"what was your job?"
"I was a Kernel before I got popped" it answers.
"in what army?" st Peter asks
And the corn answers in a husky voice: "the one that stalks maizes and takes ears".

I'm not sorry, just a little corny.

My 8 year old son's [OC] - "How do cannibals make popcorn?"

They just feed their dinner a bunch of popcorn kernels before cooking them.

Being in quarantine hasn't really affected me.

But I do think it's strange that in one box of rice there were 6839 rice kernels and in another it was 6723.

Who Has The Highest Rank in the Linux Military?

The kernel.

what do u call a group of colonels ?

a cob .


(cuz its pronounced kernel in american )

no ? ok ..

In every corny joke,

There is a kernel of truth.

Now, that would be the absolute last laugh

I want to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels before I die. Imagine the reaction of the guy that works at the cremation center!!

What does Linus Torvalds get when he drops his popcorn?

Kernel panic.

Dying me and popcorn.

[about to get the electric chair]

executioner: why would you choose this as your last meal

me: [eating another spoon full of unpopped popcorn kernels] you'll see

Dad Jokes

Dad jokes aren’t an affliction that happens to dads, they’re a way of life. No one should ever be ashamed of #dadjokes. Instead, if you are a father, you should be worried if you don’t know enough good dad jokes.

You know that old saying, “Where there’s a will there’s a way?” That’s a pretty ...

Why do Artificially Intelligent systems fear popcorn?

Kernel panic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To all you you that think nut puns aren't funny...

You kernel fuck off.

The Popcorn Army is very similar to most other armies...

the main difference is the ranking system: everyone starts out as a Kernel.

I heard Orville Redenbacher served in the Army.

They called the guy under him "Lieutenant Kernel".

I met a man with the last name Popcorn. He said he was in the military...

He was a kernel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this guy meets a girl at the bar

So this guy meets a girl at the bar and after a few drinks they go back to her place. Going hot and heavy at it he goes down on her. While he's eating her out a kernel of corn comes out. He finds it odd but keeps going. Then a piece of carrot comes out and he thinks to himself, "wow this chick is in...

Why did the chicken jump into the bag of popcorn?

The kernel was looking for him.

I downloaded corn onto my computer.

It messed up the kernel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What army reproduces asexually?

The corn army. They're only kernels and no privates

There was a bad accident at the Air Force base.

A jeep ran over a bag of popcorn and killed two kernels.

My computer made a popping sound today...

...guess that's what happens when the Kernel overheats.

In your will, be sure to write you want to be cremated.

The night before you die, eat as many popcorn kernels as humanly possible.

If pirates from the Pacific North West say "Shiver me timbers!", what do pirates from Iowa say?

"Shiver me kernels!"

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