My wife was inhaling popcorn and nearly choked to death on an un-popped kernel.

I almost had to call the popcoroner.

(Real life: my wife really was eating popcorn with no breathing in between and I said “maybe slow down so you don’t choke on that. I don’t want to have to call the pop coroner”, and she abruptly started laughing and, I swear, choked on some (non-fatal). ...

What do you call a single kernel of corn?

A uni-corn

What do you call a really scholarly kernel?

An acadamian nut

Right before I die, i'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels.

My cremation is going to be epic.

A bit of corn tries to get into heaven

St Peter asks
"what was your job?"
"I was a Kernel before I got popped" it answers.
"in what army?" st Peter asks
And the corn answers in a husky voice: "the one that stalks maizes and takes ears".

I'm not sorry, just a little corny.

What did the corn boy say when he lost his kernels?

THIS SHUCKS

Did you here the one about the shy corn kernel that went to the party.

They say he really popped when he came out of his shell.

My 8 year old son's [OC] - "How do cannibals make popcorn?"

They just feed their dinner a bunch of popcorn kernels before cooking them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a guy has a crippling anxiety: he believes himself to be a kernel of corn

he seeks out the help of a therapist, who eventually has the man committed to an asylum. at the asylum, they work with him for months, until finally they have convinced him that he is NOT a kernel of corn, but in fact a man. they sign him out and he walks out the door, but not more than five minutes...

What did the Marvel character say when he attained full control of his Android's CPU and Kernel?

I am Root.

what do u call a group of colonels ?

a cob .


(cuz its pronounced kernel in american )

no ? ok ..

Who Has The Highest Rank in the Linux Military?

The kernel.

Being in quarantine hasn't really affected me.

But I do think it's strange that in one box of rice there were 6839 rice kernels and in another it was 6723.

In every corny joke,

There is a kernel of truth.

Now, that would be the absolute last laugh

I want to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels before I die. Imagine the reaction of the guy that works at the cremation center!!

Dying me and popcorn.

[about to get the electric chair]

executioner: why would you choose this as your last meal

me: [eating another spoon full of unpopped popcorn kernels] you'll see

What does Linus Torvalds get when he drops his popcorn?

Kernel panic.

Dad Jokes

Dad jokes aren’t an affliction that happens to dads, they’re a way of life. No one should ever be ashamed of #dadjokes. Instead, if you are a father, you should be worried if you don’t know enough good dad jokes.

You know that old saying, “Where there’s a will there’s a way?” That’s a pretty ...

Why do Artificially Intelligent systems fear popcorn?

Kernel panic.

I heard Orville Redenbacher served in the Army.

They called the guy under him "Lieutenant Kernel".

The Popcorn Army is very similar to most other armies...

the main difference is the ranking system: everyone starts out as a Kernel.

Not enjoying your corn at KFC?

Blame the kernel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To all you you that think nut puns aren't funny...

You kernel fuck off.

I met a man with the last name Popcorn. He said he was in the military...

He was a kernel.

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So this guy meets a girl at the bar

So this guy meets a girl at the bar and after a few drinks they go back to her place. Going hot and heavy at it he goes down on her. While he's eating her out a kernel of corn comes out. He finds it odd but keeps going. Then a piece of carrot comes out and he thinks to himself, "wow this chick is in...

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What army reproduces asexually?

The corn army. They're only kernels and no privates

My computer made a popping sound today...

...guess that's what happens when the Kernel overheats.

There was a bad accident at the Air Force base.

A jeep ran over a bag of popcorn and killed two kernels.

Why did the chicken jump into the bag of popcorn?

The kernel was looking for him.

If pirates from the Pacific North West say "Shiver me timbers!", what do pirates from Iowa say?

"Shiver me kernels!"

I downloaded corn onto my computer.

It messed up the kernel.

In your will, be sure to write you want to be cremated.

The night before you die, eat as many popcorn kernels as humanly possible.

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