Red Meat Jokes - 36 Hilarious Red Meat Jokes

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My favourite joke to perform. Terrible accent recommended.

Pierre, zee French fighter pilot is with his amour.

"Oh, Pierre, I want you to kiss me", she exclaims.

And so he tilts her chin up and leans in, but just before he plants a kiss on her lips, he pours a little red wine on them, and then goes in for the kiss.

"Oh, Pierre, mon di...

My doctor tells me that a healthy serving of red meat is the size of a deck of cards.

Tonight I ate 52 slices of roast beef.

Red meat is not bad for you.

Fuzzy red meat is.

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I am Pierre

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.

Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!"

Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips...

They say red meat will kill you

I'm pretty sure green meat will kill you a lot faster.

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French fighter pilot.

A woman is working in the bar she owns when in walks a very handsome man. They get chatting and it turns out he is a frenchman named Piere. They get on very well. He tells her about his daring adventures as an ace fighter pilot. She is getting more and more turned on by him and, when she can stand i...

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Pierre the French fighter pilot was the greatest fighter pilot the world had ever seen.

His skill in a plane was rivaled only by his skill in bed and he had many a fair young thing aching for his love.

On a bright summer day he was picnicking with a young lady in the shade of a willow tree near a lake. They had talked for a while but the woman could wait no longer and she leane...

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Will I Live to see 80?

Will I Live to see 80?

Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, He
said I was doing fairly well for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think ...

I just found out that I’m allergic to red meat...

“I just found out that I’m allergic to red meat. No more steaks for me.”

———“I’ve never heard of that. Is that a rare allergy.”

“No, I can’t even have it well done!”

I am giving up eating red meats.

I'm going cold turkey.

My doctor sucks. He said if I don't lay off the soda and red meat, I'll destroy my kidneys.

All that education and he can't even tell the difference between kid knees and adult knees.

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford "The materials we put into our stomach should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High transfat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But... There is one thing that is the more dangerous to all us...

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Pierre the famous French fighter pilot

Pierre was the most famous fighter pilot in all of France.
When he returned to the small village of his birth, he was received as a hero. All men wanted to be him and all women wanted to be with him.
In the busy market place he spotted a beautiful girl, grabbed her by the waste and whispered i...

My favorite Lent joke (as told to me by an Episcopal reverend)

A Protestant moves into a Catholic neighborhood. It's a pretty open-minded and welcoming community, and everyone gets along great.

The first time an issue presents itself is when Lent rolls around. During Lent, the Catholics in the neighborhood all swear off red meat. Every day at lunch, h...

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Once, there was a French battle pilot, named Jean-Pierre

(I recommend reading the joke in a heavy French accent)

After the war, Jean-Pierre returned to live in Paris, above a local pub.

One night, he noticed a gorgeous blonde Parisian and went to flirt with her, which went well.

After a while of flirting, the blonde told Jean-Pierre,...

Unhealthy food

So the guy goes to the doctor, says he doesn't feel all to good. The doc poked him a bit, measured his pulse and stuff, and finally gave him a questionnaire about his diet.

So he reads about his last week's menu.
- Red meat? You can't have that much red meat! You know how much saturated f...

I had a heart attack at the age of 37

Doctor: It’s hereditary. With your family history, there’s nothing you could’ve done differently…

Doctor: but now you need to stop drinking and smoking and doing drugs…

Doctor: and you need to start exercising, and going jogging…

Doctor: and you need to change your diet. You ca...

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Pierre the French Air Force Ace!

Pierre the French Air Force Ace finishes another successful mission and goes to a small hotel bar to celebrate. He meets a nice lady who after few drinks invites him to go to her hotel room. In the room conversation quickly turns into action and she asks him to kiss her. Pierre without thinking ope...

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NSFW Pierre the French Fighter Pilot NSFW

It is springtime in Paris and Pierre the French fighter pilot is back from the war and having a picnic lunch with his lover Millie. He is wooing her with stories of his bravery in the war and she exclaims, "Oh Pierre! Kiss me!

 

So he pours the bottle of red wine on her lips ...

A Man walkes into a Bar

He orders a shot of tequilla and the bar tender asks "would you like to try our challenge?"
The man confused, said "what challenge". The Bar tender then states " see those slices of meat on the ceiling?". The man looks up and sees 2 slices of red meat on the brick roof. Then the man says "what d...

A famous French fighter pilot ace in WW1 is on a picnic at his estate with a beautiful woman after the war...

After eating and laying on the charm, he asks to kiss her. Being quite smitten by his good looks, she happily accepts. He drips a rich merlot on her lips and proceeds to kiss her. After a few moments, she works up the nerve to ask “your lips are amazing, but what’s with the wine?”

He repli...

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Pierre the French Fighter Pilot

Pierre the French fighter pilot brought his recent date back to his house. As they began to kiss, he poured red wine over her red lips.

The girl asked "Pierre, why did you do that?"

Pierre responded "I am Pierre the French fighter pilot. When I have red meat, I have red wine."

...

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Pierre the Famous French Fighter Pilot

Is making love to his wife.

He splashes red wine on her lips before kissing her. "I am Pierre, the Famous French Fighter Pilot! I like red wine with red meat!"

Later he splashes white wine on her breasts before sucking them. "I am Pierre the Famous French Fighter Pilot! I like white wi...

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Jacques Pierre- The French Fighter Pilot

One lovely afternoon, Jacques Pierre, the French fighter pilot was having a picnic with his new lady friend under a tree. She was very intrigued by him, as she had never been with a fighter pilot before. Soon enough, her emotions got the best of her, and she exclaimed "Kiss me, Jacques!" So he grabs...

A man goes to see the doctor...

"Doctor," he says, "How healthy am I? Will I live for a long time?"

"Do you smoke?" the doctor asks.

"No," the man replies.

"Do you drink?"

"No."

"Do you eat red meat?"

"Nope."

"So," says the doctor. "You don't smoke, you don't drink booze and you don...

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A pilot's dying wish

A famous pilot was having dinner with a woman and when they finished they headed to a hotel. He calls room service and asked for a bottle of red wine. When it arrived he put some red wine on her lips and started kissing her. She asks what the red wine is for and he replies, "For when I have red meat...

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Pierre the famous French fighter pilot

Pierre the famous French fighter was flying over occupied territory when he was shot down, a farmers daughter rescued him and took him to a secluded barn to nurse him back to health. When he was fully recovered Pierre told the the farmers daughter he would take her for a picnic as a reward, the picn...

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Pierre the French Aviator

Pierre the French Aviator was dashingly handsome and quite the ladies man. He went out one night and met a beautiful lady and seduced her. They went back to his place where things started to progress...

*"Oh Pierre! Pierre? Won't you kiss me?"* asked the woman.

(In thick French accent)...

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When i go down....

Jean Pierre, popularly known as JP among his friends was a fighter jet pilot of the French air force.

One day he took his girlfriend to the park for a picnic. Since he wanted to be really romantic, he packed the picnic basket himself.

Hours later, JP and his girlfriend were having a g...

So farmer Bob had a rivalry with farmer Jim.

They were both cattle farmers but Jim's herd was much larger and fatter, and his meat went for much more money. So bob started looking for a way to bulk up his cows. He started experimenting. Eventually he discovered that feeding them marijuana made them grow exponentially, while also making them mo...

A nutritionist is giving a speech at a conference on eating healthy

Red meat is terrible for your metabolism, soda rips apart your gastric wall. Fast food is almost all fat and sugar but there's one food that is the worst of all. Almost all of us eat it sooner or later and the negative effects can last for years after a single consumption. Does anyone know what this...

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Pierre the French fighter pilot

Pierre the French fighter pilot has a few days off and he decides to take his girlfriend, Camille, down to the lake for a picnic.

They've had their fill of food and plenty of wine and are laying down looking up at the sky when Camille leans over and whispers in Pierre's ear, "Pierre, I love ...

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Jaque' "non numeru un" flying ace!

Come and I will tell you of a man named Jaque' "mon numeru un flying ace". He was the greatest ace pilot in all of France. He spoke of a woman he once wooed, saying:
"I took this woman to my quarters and placed her on my bed. I tore her blouse open exposing her beautiful breast. Then I poured w...

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Date with La Barron

A woman was set up for a blind date with a French guy named "La Barron". She was very excited. He picked her up and took her out to the lake for a picnic.

La Barron laid out a nice big blanket at the top of the hill, overlooking a few trees and the water. He placed a basket on the blanke...

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The Greatest Fighter-pilot in France!

There is a fighter-pilot in France called Pierre. He is known throughout all of France as the best. Men want to be him, women want to be with him.

One night he is on the banks of the Seine with a beautiful woman. He charms her with his sharp wit and his soft whispers. Eventually she says "Pie...

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A guy asks a doctor how long he will live

So the doctor, looking at his clipboard and taking notes, begins to ask him a series of questions.

Doc: Do you eat red meat?

Patient: No

Doc: Do you smoke cigarettes, cigars, or a pipe?

Patient: No

Doc: Do you use any illicit drugs?

Patient: No

Doc: D...

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