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Turkey Jokes

If Russia invades Turkey from the rear...

Would Greece help?

I shot my first turkey today!!!!

People ran out of the frozen food section in excitement, and even the cops showed up to see!!!!

Cold turkey

Alcoholic 1: Do you think I should quit cold turkey?

Alcoholic 2: You should! I quit cold turkey 10 years ago, from that time I only eat it hot or at least warm!

My mom said my sister was doing the turkey.

I thought, “That’s not a very nice thing to call her son-in-law.”

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!

Why did the turkey cross the road?

To prove it wasn’t chicken.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lesson 5 of 6: The Flying Turkey

A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave hi...

It’s great that Turkey is providing heavy armoured vehicles to Ukraine.

Everyone loves tanks giving turkey.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British spy goes undercover in America and tries to infiltrate the political ranks.

To get into politics, he has to pass an oral exam.


Examiner: When did the USA gain independence?
Spy: July 4, 1776


\- Good. How many continents are there?
\- Easy peasy, seven.
\- Damn, you're good. Which continent is Turkey in?
\- Technically, Turkey...

They told me to go cold turkey...

So now I'm chilling in Istanbul.

What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?

“Quack! Quack!”

I shot my first Thanksgiving turkey this year.

Scared the hell out of everyone else in the grocery store.

A turkey tries crossing the road

But a chicken stops him and says 'Don't do it, man. You'll never hear the end of it.'

Boys have a thing and girls don't.

One November afternoon when my daughter was in kindergarten, I picked her up after school. She bobbed out to the car and crawled into the back seat.

"What did you do today?" I asked.

She couldn't wait to tell me. "We learned that boys are different from girls" she chirped.

Looki...

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A man get pulled over with his young son in the back seat.

The cop comes to the window.

"Sorry officer, I was rushing tog et home. My wife is throwing a dinner party for very important guests."

The cop writes him a ticket anyway, wishes him a good day and walks back to his patrol car. As he walks away, the dad mutters "Bastard."

The lit...

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The boy's dad was shaving his beard, then accidentally cut himself. He was so surprised he yelled "Ass!" And the boy heard...

(This might be a repost, but my friend told me it and I thought it was funny.)

The boy's dad was shaving his beard, then accidentally cut himself. He was so surprised he yelled "Ass!" And the boy heard...

"Daddy, what does ass mean?"

"It means... beard."

Downstairs, the b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If the Pilgrims had shot bobcat instead of turkey...

We'd all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving.

A turkey farmer was experimenting with ways to make a better turkey.

After many frustrating attempts, the farmer announced to his friends, "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!"

They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

"I don't know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"

What's the turkey's favorite letter of the alphabet?

Gobble-You!

Note: my six year old made up this joke.

A drunk orders a shot of Wild Turkey....

Sorry sir, we don’t have Wild Turkey only a House bourbon? What can I get you?

I’ll have a shot of Wild Turkey

I’m so sorry sir, we just ran out, how about a Jack Daniels

I’ll have a shot of Wild Turkey

Okay sir, if you can spell Wild Turkey, I’ll get you a shot

...

What sound does a Turkey make?

"coup coup"

An 80 year old man goes in for a physical

And the doctor tells him, "You're in terrific health, you're healthier than most 40 year olds, what do you contribute your exceptional health to?"

And the man replies"Turkey hunting, every morning I walk in the mountains and go turkey hunting."

"Well maybe genetics has something to do ...

My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke

Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that...

Cold Turkey

Guy buys a parrot and when he gets home, he discovers that it won’t stop cussing.

After a few days of embarrassment and covering his kids’ ears, he threatens the parrot.

“I’m gonna send you to go live in the freezer if you don’t clean up your act!”

The parrot: “F*** off, A**ho...

My coworker keeps complaining about his lunch being stolen from the break room fridge.

Monday morning he brought in a turkey and provolone on wheat bread. Put it in the fridge. By lunch time it was gone.

Tuesday he brought in ham and cheddar on white bread. Put it in the fridge, again gone by lunch.

Today he brought a chicken ceaser wrap. Gone by noon.

I hope he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Six Lessons of Life

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

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What do you get when you cross a Turkey and a rooster

A cock gobbler!

Happy Thanksgiving

A woman got a pet parrot, but she was horrified to discover that all it did was say mean things and insult her.

Nothing she did could stop it.
She was especially worried because her whole family was coming over for Thanksgiving.

But when Thanksgiving dinner finally came, the parrot didn't say a word the entire time. After the meal, the Parrot turned to its owner and said, "Please forgive my behavior...

Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Each and every morning of those 15 years, Bob has woken up, farted loudly and proudly, rolled over onto his back and got out of bed to go to work...

And each and every morning for those 15 years, Martha has said to him disgustedly, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!"

But this has had no effect on Bob as he has continued merrily with his routine each morning.

Martha is totally fed up with this and then one Thanksgi...

What was written on the turkey’s gravestone?

Roast in peace

How much Turkey should I buy?

I need enough for 12 people and maybe 2 police officers

What did the mother turkey say to the little turkeys on Thanksgiving?

Mind your manners! If your dad could see you now, he‘d roll over in his gravy!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ever been to a turkey orgy? #NSFW

A cluck’n’fuck

At a Diplomats' dinner, a waiter tripped and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey.

Hushed silence turned into a roar of  laughter, when the quick-witted Diplomat  announced:


"Gentlemen ! 

You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :-


Fall of Turkey

Breakup of China

Spillage of Greece 

 and

Frustration of ...

Why do turkeys love thanksgiving?

Because they don’t have to worry about buying Christmas presents

Why did the Ottoman Empire change into Turkey

Because Austria wasn’t Hungary anymore.

How does a turkey start a knock knock joke?

Gobble Gobble.

What do you call a turkey's evil twin?

A Gobblegänger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

What’s the difference between a turkey and Turkey?

A turkey wouldn’t commit genocide against innocent people

Woman gets a tattoo

A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh right up just below her bikini line. She
also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good. The woman then instruc...

Why’d the Turkey cross the road?

Cause it was the chickens day off.

Thanksgiving joke.

I'm not much of a hunter. but I managed to shoot my first turkey today!

Only problem is, now the supermarket says I'm banned for life...

Today I will eat TURKEY

...and all 80.81 million people in it.

Turkey can now finally join the EU

Why? Well because now that the UK has left, there's 1 GB of free space

So there's this village on the Black Sea coast in Turkey

Over time a pothole in the road has got so big that people are falling into it and getting injured.

It get so bad that all the villagers get together to decide what to do about the hole in the road.

One of them says, "We should have an ambulance standing by ready to take people to the ...

Where can you find radioactive turkeys?

Chergobble

I tried to post a Thanksgiving joke about turkeys...

But it was removed because of fowl language.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“Whats the Difference between a blowjob and a turkey sandwich?”

“Im not sure”

“We should get lunch sometime!”

What's a turkey's favorite dessert?

Peach gobbler

My kids tell me that they want a cat for Chrismas this year.

We normally cook a turkey for Christmas, but if they want a cat, okay.

I recently heard that Turkeys aren't allowed to play baseball.

No matter how many times they hit, they'll always hit Fowl balls.

What’s a turkey’s favorite lunch meat?

Gobblegool

Why did the Turkey cross the road?

To get to the other side dishes.

Because he's a vegetarian, see?

What do a bikini model and turkey have in common?

The white parts are the best.

My Favorite Thanksgiving Joke

So this chicken walks up to a turkey and says, "Hey, Turkey! I've always wondered something..."

Turkey's like, "Yeah. What's up?"

And so the chicken says, "That thing. You know, that flap of skin or whatever that's hanging down over your beak. What do you call that thing?"

And t...

When Christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days...

I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dave's wife is out for the night and he decides to eat some shrooms. He passes out and wakes up at the pearly gates of heaven.

St Peter greets him and explains that he's actually died from eating some bad shrooms. However, if he makes dinner for Jesus and his 12 disciples *AND* they happen to like it, he'll be revived back on earth.

He enters a huge kitchen, packed with every kind of ingredient imaginable. Dave coul...

When is a turkey scary?

When it's a goblin.

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows.”

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown.”

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to b...

What do you call a turkey that uses Bitcoin?

A cryptophan

My dad gave up smoking cold turkey for new years. He’s doing better now but…

…he’s still coughing up feathers.

What's something that all cooked turkeys have?

They all have cavities and no teeth

I once tried dating in China and Turkey

It didn't work out, there were a lot of red flags everywhere

Do you know how to keep a Turkey in suspense?

...I'll tell you later.

I was Hungary so Iran to the store to get some Turkey

Which I cooked in Greece, and served with a side of Chile, which I ate with my friends Jordan and Chad. Sudanly we had Togo because we were Ghana get in trouble because we didn’t Finnish paying. But I’ve Benin trouble before, there was Norway they were going to catch me, I Congo much faster than the...

Europe is like a fridge

You have the freezing cold part at the top.

Then in the middle, you have cheese, cold meat, and a good drinks selection.

Then, down the bottom corner, there's just turkey and grease.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the turkey cross the road?

He didn't. He's an asshole and just stood in front of my car for 5 mins.

Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?

Cause he likes stabbing things in the back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So i saw some people translating jokes so here is a Turkish one. One day a Japanese man walks into a bar in Turkey...

One day a Japanese man walks into a bar in Turkey and challenges everyone in the bar for a fight.

\-Are there anyone who believes he can defeat me ?

Temel gets up and walks to the door saying:

\-I can do it. Let's see what you are made of.

A few minutes later Temel walks ...

Three Buddhist monks die in a car crash…

They arrive in a beautiful clouded world and begin to walk towards a man. He is standing in front of the golden gates of heaven.

“Hello! I am Peter. Behind me, is Heaven. Unfortunately, I can’t let you in since you three weren’t Christians… But! if you can tell me what the meaning of Easter ...

Why did the Turkey cross the road at the cattle farm?

Because it couldn’t stan the bul

I used to eat cold turkey all the time..

The only way I could stop was to taper off my intake gradually.

Turkey has just banned cheese...

It seems they have issues with the curds.

I've been smoking weed for most of my life, and today I quit cold turkey.

I'll make do with the much cheaper chicken cold cuts and put the extra money towards buying more weed.

I used to date someone from Albania, Viet Nam, Turkey, Morocco, Trinidad and Tobago, Russia, Tennessee, Tunisia, and China

Too many red flags

A woman called the turkey hotline to ask how long to cook her 12lb turkey...

A woman called the turkey hotline to ask how long to cook her 12lb turkey in the microwave.

The hotline worker responded, “Uhhh... one minute...”

She said, “Thanks!” And immediately hung up.

Wives are like Thanksgiving Turkeys.

They eventually get fat and then stop gobbling.

I knew I was going to jail when the judge yelled, "Order in the court!"

And my lawyer said, "I'll take a footlong turkey."

The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."

I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.

Why do turkeys eat so much?

Cause they like to gobble things down.

Why don’t Greeks celebrate thanksgiving?

Because they hate Turkey

I hit a Turkey..

and it flew over my car and landed on the car behind me. It was a Cop and he pulled me over and gave me a ticket for flipping him the bird.

What's the difference between Turkey and Duck?

Duck doesn't deny the Armenian Genocide.

Why did the police arrest the turkey?

They suspected fowl play.

What did the australian say to the undercooked turkey?

Are you all raw?

Who is Turkey's Minister of Propaganda?

Joesph Gobbles

Why don't they like cheese in Turkey?

Because they despise letting the Kurds have their way.

Why did you ruin the Thanksgiving turkey at the last minute?

It just wasn't very well thawed out.
(it's bad, but it's mine)

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