What was the turkey thankful for on Thanksgiving?

vegetarians!

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?

If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy.

What’s the difference between retail workers and turkeys?

We let the turkey rest on Thanksgiving.

I shot my first turkey today!!!!

People ran out of the frozen food section in excitement, and even the cops showed up to see!!!!

What is rotating the turkey called?

Flippin' the bird

What's the turkey's favorite letter of the alphabet?

Gobble-You!

Note: my six year old made up this joke.

So there's this village on the Black Sea coast in Turkey

Over time a pothole in the road has got so big that people are falling into it and getting injured.

It get so bad that all the villagers get together to decide what to do about the hole in the road.

One of them says, "We should have an ambulance standing by ready to take people to the ...

If Russia invaded Turkey from the rear,

Do you think Greece would help?

If you are addicted to cold turkey …

Can you stop cold turkey?

What's something that all cooked turkeys have?

They all have cavities and no teeth

A turkey is about to cross the road...

When suddenly the chicken appears and says, 'Don't do it man! You'll never hear the end of it'

Do you know how to keep a Turkey in suspense?

...I'll tell you later.

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows.”

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown.”

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to b...

I once tried dating in China and Turkey

It didn't work out, there were a lot of red flags everywhere

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A turkey was chatting with a bull.

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough st...

Woman gets a tattoo

A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh right up just below her bikini line. She
also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good. The woman then instruc...

I decided to become vegan today

The hardest part is quitting cold turkey.

One of my buddies told me a joke about turkeys...

Dont remember how it went, but it was pretty baste

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Happy Thanksgiving!

If the natives had given the pilgrams donkeys instead of turkeys, we would all be eating Ass for Thanksgiving!

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“Whats the Difference between a blowjob and a turkey sandwich?”

“Im not sure”

“We should get lunch sometime!”

A drunk orders a shot of Wild Turkey....

Sorry sir, we don’t have Wild Turkey only a House bourbon? What can I get you?

I’ll have a shot of Wild Turkey

I’m so sorry sir, we just ran out, how about a Jack Daniels

I’ll have a shot of Wild Turkey

Okay sir, if you can spell Wild Turkey, I’ll get you a shot

...

Why did the Turkey cross the road?

To get to the other side dishes.

Because he's a vegetarian, see?

Why did the Turkey cross the road at the cattle farm?

Because it couldn’t stan the bul

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The five minute management course

THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson #1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before ...

Finally time for my thanksgiving joke!!

Why did the turkey get kicked out of the football stadium?


Because he tryptophan

I'm not going to eat Thanksgiving leftovers anymore.

This year, I'm quitting cold turkey.

Thanksgiving

An old couple had been married for 50 years. Every morning (without fail) the man produced a massive fart when he got out of bed and then laughed like a madman. Also every morning, his wife would admonish him: "One of these days you're going to fart your guts out."

It's Thanksgiving mornin...

How much Turkey should I buy?

I need enough for 12 people and maybe 2 police officers

After only a week of dating, my girlfriend broke up with me because she doesn't like my comparisons...

I feel worst than a turkey sandwich on a yacht.

I've been smoking weed for most of my life, and today I quit cold turkey.

I'll make do with the much cheaper chicken cold cuts and put the extra money towards buying more weed.

I tried to post a Thanksgiving joke about turkeys...

But it was removed because of fowl language.

You're probably Ghana think"no one will Bolivia. There's just Norway."

I thought I Kuwait but then I Saudi Turkey, Iraq of ribs and a Canada best sauce and my Bahrain was like Oman, I Israel Hungary... so Iran to the kitchen to put Greece in the pan.

I hoped it could get Finnish quickly and because I was Russian, I didn't Czech the label and accidentally added ...

Biggest joke of the 2021

Turkey’s economy

Thanksgiving in Indiana.

When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving.

But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog.

Only kidding. It was the cat!...

I used to eat a lot of cold cuts, but I recently stopped.

I quit cold turkey.

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Little Johnny

One day Little Johnny was in the car with his father when the cops pull them over.

His father says, "Oh the bastards."

Little Johnny asks, "Daddy, what does bastard mean?"

His father replies, "Oh it's just another name for the cops."

When they get back, Little Johnny's ...

I managed to shoot my very first turkey today, pretty proud of myself actually..

..though everyone else in the freezer section seemed a bit unhappy.

I used to live in Turkey, China, and Morocco, but I left ...

there were too many red flags.

What’s the capital of turkey?

The stuffing

What did the turkey dress up as for Halloween?

Goblin

A man goes to a restaurant and has the most delicious turkey he's ever tasted...

He asks the chef, "How do you prepare the turkeys?"

The chef replies, "Oh, nothing special, we just tell them they're gonna die."

A farmer is caught in a huge storm

He starts praying and swears to god that if he gets out alive,he will sell his only horse and give all of the money to his local church.
Miraculously, he survives, and the next day, he goes to the market to sell his horse. A client then shows up and asks :
-how much for that horse ?

-oh...

Why did the turkey sit in a tomahawk?

.





To hatchet

What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter during thanksgiving week?

Quack quack.

What sound does a Turkey make?

"coup coup"

I make vegetarian thanksgivings dinners

They're called chive turkeys

I was Hungary so Iran to the store to get some Turkey

Which I cooked in Greece, and served with a side of Chile, which I ate with my friends Jordan and Chad. Sudanly we had Togo because we were Ghana get in trouble because we didn’t Finnish paying. But I’ve Benin trouble before, there was Norway they were going to catch me, I Congo much faster than the...

A turkey farmer was experimenting with ways to make a better turkey.

After many frustrating attempts, the farmer announced to his friends, "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!"

They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

"I don't know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"

Where can you find radioactive turkeys?

Chergobble

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So i saw some people translating jokes so here is a Turkish one. One day a Japanese man walks into a bar in Turkey...

One day a Japanese man walks into a bar in Turkey and challenges everyone in the bar for a fight.

\-Are there anyone who believes he can defeat me ?

Temel gets up and walks to the door saying:

\-I can do it. Let's see what you are made of.

A few minutes later Temel walks ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on itallian bread, make with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the sa...

A 90 year old just told this: What happens when you drop the turkey out of the oven?

It's the downfall of Turkey and the overflow of grease.

Why did you ruin the Thanksgiving turkey at the last minute?

It just wasn't very well thawed out.
(it's bad, but it's mine)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What three countries did the giant eat?

Got turkey, dipped it in Greece and fried it in Japan.

How old do Muslim turkeys need to be before they go to Mecca?

Pilgrim age

I used to eat cold turkey all the time..

The only way I could stop was to taper off my intake gradually.

What did the turkey say to the US president on Thanksgiving?

I beg your pardon.

What do you call a turkey's evil twin?

A Gobblegänger.

Turkey can now finally join the EU

Why? Well because now that the UK has left, there's 1 GB of free space

Wife: Honey let's play a game. Husband: What is the game all about?

Wife:If I mention a country, you will run to the left side of the room and touch the wall. And if I mention a bird, you will run to the right side of the room and touch the wall. If you run to the wrong direction, you will give me all your salary for the month. Husband: ok. If you fail, I will h...

A round earth fact to a flat-earther is…

…like what thanksgiving is to a turkey

What did the australian say to the undercooked turkey?

Are you all raw?

I shot my first Thanksgiving turkey this year.

Scared the hell out of everyone else in the grocery store.

I want a pet turkey....

Days leading up to Thanksgiving I will feed it bread crumbs, onion, celery, some garlic cuz why not and a mix of other things....

Maybe replace some water with wine? mmmmm



follow me for more recipes (\^-\^)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning…

and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!"

Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats."

Oh...

On my cake day, I went to the Doctor and was told that my love of deli meats was going to kill me.

I had to quit cold turkey.

I went turkey hunting recently with my new shotgun...

scared the hell out of everyone in the frozen foods section.

My wife threw a pack of turkey and a lighter in the cart and my God the temptation was strong...

It was just last week that I quit smoking cold turkey

Today I will eat TURKEY

...and all 80.81 million people in it.

What do you call a turkey that shows too much cleavage?

A fowl temptress.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On thanksgiving day, a boy overheard his parents callling each other names.

He heard his dad called him mum a bitch and his mum called his dad a bastard. The boy asked his parents what the two words meant, and they said bitch means girl and bastard means boy.

Later that day, his dad is shaving in the bathroom; he then accidentally cuts himself and says shit. The boy ...

Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?

Cause he likes stabbing things in the back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde, brunette, and redhead... (Long)

A blonde, brunette, and redhead construction workers are sitting and eating their lunches. Upon opening their lunchboxes, each sighs.

"Ham and cheese again?" Says the brunette "if I have to eat one more ham and cheese sandwich, I'll kill myself!"

"Turkey again?" Says the redhead "if ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the turkey cross the road?

He didn't. He's an asshole and just stood in front of my car for 5 mins.

A lady walked into a tattoo parlor and said, "Can you do a tattoo of a turkey on my right inner thigh and one of a Christmas tree on my left inner thigh?"

"Sure,* the tattoo artist said. "But if you
don't mind me asking, why did you choose
those two designs?"
The lady smiled. "My husband' she explained. "He says there's never anything to eat
between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"

Fire Sale!

Our corner deli had a fire last week. They were right back in business the next day, though, selling smoked ham, smoked turkey, smoked cheeses....

What did the turkey say to the worn-out shoe?

Cobble cobble cobble

What’s the difference between a turkey and Turkey?

A turkey wouldn’t commit genocide against innocent people

What do you call a man who lives in Turkey who was not born there.

Turkish

My wife was giving me a hard time about drinking too much over the weekend. I finally agreed to quit cold turkey.

I don't much care for leftovers anyway.

Nation dialogue

You know, I was very Hungary one day, so I went to go Czech the fridge. I managed to find some Turkey that was leftover from Thanksgiving, but it was all covered in Greece. So I closed the fridge and Czech'd the pantry. I saw a Canada beans, so I grabbed them and microwaved them, but it exploded. My...

[From my 8-year-old] What did the Mandalorian say about how to cook the Thanksgiving turkey?

...This is the way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny is a sponge

One night a mother and father get into a heated argument.

"You bitch!" Screams the dad.
"You're a selfish prick" the mom replies.

Their little boy Johnny pipes up with "what do those words mean mommy and daddy?" Thinking quickly the dad says "I was just calling your mother a lady, ...

Why do turkeys eat so much?

Cause they like to gobble things down.

Why did the police arrest the turkey?

They suspected fowl play.

I quit smoking cold turkey

And started putting it on my sandwiches instead.

Kids said they wanted a cat for Christmas.

Normally we have turkey, but ok...

Wives are like Thanksgiving Turkeys.

They eventually get fat and then stop gobbling.

What Are We Eating?

A can of tuna has a picture of a tuna fish

A pack of Ham has a picture of a pig

Turkey has a picture of a turkey

Egg carton has a picture of a chicken

Beef has a picture of a cow

Dogfood has a picture of a dog

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex with a turkey. I know what you’re all thinking...

That’s fowl

Why don't they like cheese in Turkey?

Because they despise letting the Kurds have their way.

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