Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?

Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Fina...

What do you call a man who lives in Turkey who was not born there.

Turkish

I’ve decided to quit smoking cold turkey

I only smoke cigarettes now

Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Each and every morning of those 15 years, Bob has woken up, farted loudly and proudly, rolled over onto his back and got out of bed to go to work...

And each and every morning for those 15 years, Martha has said to him disgustedly, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!"

But this has had no effect on Bob as he has continued merrily with his routine each morning.

Martha is totally fed up with this and then one Thanksgi...

The Parrot

A young man named Steve received a parrot as a gift. The parrot really had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with
profanity.

Steve tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite w...

If Russia attacked Turkey from the Rear...

Would Greece help?

I shot my first Thanksgiving turkey this year.

Scared the hell out of everyone else in the grocery store.

So, John received a parrot, as a gift.

Now this parrot was the rudest, noisiest, most foul mouthed parrot you can imagine. Every other word out of this parrot's beak was profanity, and strings of filthy insults - absolutely appalling behaviour!

Well, over the course of the next week, John tried speaking to it softy and calmly, pl...

I went turkey hunting recently with my new shotgun...

scared the hell out of everyone in the frozen foods section.

If Austria is so Hungary, why don't they just eat Turkey?

Is there too much Greece?

I sat down to eat my turkey sandwich and my wife yells, "Enjoying your meat, you murderer?"

I only wish one day goes by without her mentioning the time I killed her mother

Why did the turkey NOT cross the road?

To prove that he wasn't chicken.

What sound does a Turkey make?

"coup coup"

Why did she spit out the turkey soup?

She said it had a fowl taste.

Whats the difference between a chicken and a turkey

a chicken is a common farm animal

and a turkey commits genocide against armenians.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the turkey cross the road?

He didn't. He's an asshole and just stood in front of my car for 5 mins.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex with a turkey. I know what you’re all thinking...

That’s fowl

I hit a Turkey..

and it flew over my car and landed on the car behind me. It was a Cop and he pulled me over and gave me a ticket for flipping him the bird.

Why don’t turkeys eat on thanksgiving?

Because they’re stuffed!

Why do we only eat Turkey for thanksgiving?

Because the Armenians are all dead



PS: I am going to hell for this

When Christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days...

I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.

What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?

Copy and basting

When is a turkey scary?

When it's a goblin.

What do you call a group of turkeys?

A turkey club.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If the Pilgrims had hunted a wildcat instead of a turkey

We'd all be having pussy for thanksgiving instead!

A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh.

When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.


She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."

Why does Trump have the most expensive Thanksgiving day?

Because he’ll impose tariff on Turkey

The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."

I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.

I tried to deep fry my turkey this year but it went horribly wrong

Boom. Roasted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

AITA For getting my daughter a turkey sandwich from subway instead of ham?

She asked for ham but she usually picks off the ham, so I thought I would get her turkey so she can try something new. Just wondering, if I am the asshole I understand.

Irish animal rights activists have broken into a turkey farm.

They say they are going to release thousands of turkeys into the wild...

as soon as they’ve defrosted

Just seen a sign "Turkey £29" in the butcher's window...

...That's £300 cheaper than Thomas Cook.

My wife's inappropriate Christmas dinner joke

Last night My wife and I were having Christmas dinner with her parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and a German neighbor who is a widow. We were talking about messing up while cooking meals and I mentioned the first time I cooked a turkey I cooked it upside down. The neighbor was incredulous that...

What’s the hardest food to stop eating?

Cold turkey

The day after Thanksgiving someone wished me Happy Turkey Recovery Day

Sorry to burst your bubble, but those turkeys aren't recovering from yesterday.

Turkey has just banned cheese...

It seems they have issues with the curds.

I ordered a foot long Italian on whole wheat at Subway but I got a six inch turkey on flatbread.

Wrong sub.

What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?

Quack, quack.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

Saudi Arabia heard that Trump was going to pardon a turkey

But they'd still like to have a word with it at their embassy.

A woman called the turkey hotline to ask how long to cook her 12lb turkey...

A woman called the turkey hotline to ask how long to cook her 12lb turkey in the microwave.

The hotline worker responded, “Uhhh... one minute...”

She said, “Thanks!” And immediately hung up.

I heard Donald Trump pardoned two turkeys this year...

Eric and Don Jr

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If the Indians gave the pilgrams a donkey instead of a turkey

We'd be having a nice piece of ass right now...

Reporter: Mr. President, will you be pardoning Turkey today?

President: Is Saudi okay?

Why did the turkey cross the road?

He wanted people to think he was a chicken.

Terrible joke, I know. Happy Thanksgiving!

Punchline not included.

Timmy : I'm Hungary.

Mum : Why don't you Czech the fridge.

Timmy : Ok, I'm Russian to the kitchen.

Mum : Hmm...maybe you'll find some Turkey.

Timmy : Yeah, but its all covered in Greece. Yuck !

Mum : There is Norway you can eat that.

Timmy : I know, I gu...

Matthew McConaughey, what kind of meat do you want off the turkey?

All white, all white, all white!

The doctor said I should stop eating meat immediately for health reasons...

I asked if I had to quit cold turkey.

In Turkey, a prisoner goes to the prison library and asks for a book.

The librarian answers “Unfortunately, we do not have the book here. But the author.”

I finally got a microwave to heat up my leftovers

So I was able to quit cold turkey

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The boy's dad was shaving his beard, then accidentally cut himself. He was so surprised he yelled "Ass!" And the boy heard...

(This might be a repost, but my friend told me it and I thought it was funny.)

The boy's dad was shaving his beard, then accidentally cut himself. He was so surprised he yelled "Ass!" And the boy heard...

"Daddy, what does ass mean?"

"It means... beard."

Downstairs, the b...

A smoker quit cold turkey

It wasn't hard, no one likes cold turkey anyway.

I was addicted to lunch meats, but I quit cold turkey.

I'm still hooked on salami and roast beef though.

What do Americans and Putin have in common?

They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.

How many chefs does it take to stuff a turkey?

One, but you really have to cram him in there.

I regret joining a band with a turkey on drums.

He usually forgets his drumsticks so he has to wing it.

Why will Donald Trump pardon his first turkey this year?

Because the bird is accused of fowl play

Why don't you take a turkey to church?

Because they have fowl language

What are the Russians eating for thanksgiving?

Beef with turkey

What do turkeys make their streets out of?

Gobble-stones!

I really like European food...

...so I decided to Russia over to a European restaurant because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.

What key won’t let you through any doors?

A turkey.

A turkey and his friend are walking down a street...

When a ghost pops out and screams "Boo!". The friend screams in terror while the turkey has no reaction. A while later, the friend asked why the Turkey wasn't afraid. He responded "I'm not chicken".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Five Minute Management Lesson

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a bird that’s half rooster and half turkey?

Cock Gobbler

What's the difference between a turkey and Def Leppard?

A turkey has two drumsticks

Turkey Hunters (just in time for Thanksgiving)

Turkey Hunting

An 80-year-old man went to the doctor, who was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"

The old timer said, "I'm a turkey hunter and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up before daylight and out chasing...

My kids say they want a cat for Christmas

Normally I do turkey but hey, if it wil make them happy.

What do turkeys like to walk on?

Cobble cobble cobble

Do you fart in bed ?

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she ...

This year, I tried to smoke a turkey.

But I rolled it too tight and couldn't get the end lit.

I just shot my first turkey today!

I don't think they are going to let me back into that store again.

Why didn’t the turkey eat dessert?

Because it was already stuffed, guys!

I like to keep my Thanksgiving dinner simple: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and veggies

Everything else is just gravy

What did turkey do on thanksgiving?

Changed its foreign policy on syria.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.