What’s the difference between retail workers and turkeys?

We let the turkey rest on Thanksgiving.

I made an coronavirus joke while eating turkey.

It was tasteless.

Why did the turkey cross the road twice?

To prove to everyone he wasn’t chicken

I managed to shoot my very first turkey today, pretty proud of myself actually..

..though everyone else in the freezer section seemed a bit unhappy.

A man goes to a restaurant and has the most delicious turkey he's ever tasted...

He asks the chef, "How do you prepare the turkeys?"

The chef replies, "Oh, nothing special, we just tell them they're gonna die."

How will Trump pardon the White House turkey?

Only the white meat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shot my first turkey the other day.

Scared the crap outta everyone in the frozen food section!

I tried to post a Thanksgiving joke about turkeys...

But it was removed because of fowl language.

I quit cold turkey!

Now I only eat hot turkey. Reheat those leftovers people. Happy Thanksgiving!

What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter during thanksgiving week?

Quack quack.

Why did the turkey sit in a tomahawk?

.





To hatchet

Why did you ruin the Thanksgiving turkey at the last minute?

It just wasn't very well thawed out.
(it's bad, but it's mine)

A turkey farmer was experimenting with ways to make a better turkey.

After many frustrating attempts, the farmer announced to his friends, "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!"

They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

"I don't know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"

How old do Muslim turkeys need to be before they go to Mecca?

Pilgrim age

What did the turkey dress up as for Halloween?

Goblin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“Whats the Difference between a blowjob and a turkey sandwich?”

“Im not sure”

“We should get lunch sometime!”

I've been smoking weed for most of my life, and today I quit cold turkey.

I'll make do with the much cheaper chicken cold cuts and put the extra money towards buying more weed.

What did the turkey say to the US president on Thanksgiving?

I beg your pardon.

I used to eat cold turkey all the time..

The only way I could stop was to taper off my intake gradually.

A drunk orders a shot of Wild Turkey....

Sorry sir, we don’t have Wild Turkey only a House bourbon? What can I get you?

I’ll have a shot of Wild Turkey

I’m so sorry sir, we just ran out, how about a Jack Daniels

I’ll have a shot of Wild Turkey

Okay sir, if you can spell Wild Turkey, I’ll get you a shot

...

If the Iraqis attacked Turkey from behind

Would Greece help?

A 90 year old just told this: What happens when you drop the turkey out of the oven?

It's the downfall of Turkey and the overflow of grease.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

Where can you find radioactive turkeys?

Chergobble

A jockey was riding the favourite at a race meeting, and was well ahead of the field.

His horse rounded the final corner, when suddenly the jockey was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages.

He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence....

What did the australian say to the undercooked turkey?

Are you all raw?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Six Lessons of Life

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

Bill is infatuated with his own farts.

Bill and Mary have been married for a long time.

Bill is infatuated with his own farts. Mary is not, but she tolerates it.

Every morning, as Bill climbs out of bed, he rips an obnoxious fart as he heads to the bathroom.

And every morning Mary tells Bill, “one of these days you’r...

My uncle got addicted to deli meat

But I heard he quit cold turkey.

The CDC recommends that funeral gatherings be limited to 30 people and holiday gatherings be limited to 6 people.

Funeral proceedings for Gobbles the turkey will be held on November 26th and again on December 25th. Please bring beer to celebrate his life.

A man buys a parrot but the only thing it does is insult the man...

After spending hours trying every possible solution to get it to shut up the man decides to put the parrot in the freezer. A few minutes pass and the parrot falls silent. Thinking he might of killed it the man opens the freezer and finds the parrot shivering but alive. “S-s-sorry for i-i-i-insulting...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So i saw some people translating jokes so here is a Turkish one. One day a Japanese man walks into a bar in Turkey...

One day a Japanese man walks into a bar in Turkey and challenges everyone in the bar for a fight.

\-Are there anyone who believes he can defeat me ?

Temel gets up and walks to the door saying:

\-I can do it. Let's see what you are made of.

A few minutes later Temel walks ...

I was Hungary so Iran to the store to get some Turkey

Which I cooked in Greece, and served with a side of Chile, which I ate with my friends Jordan and Chad. Sudanly we had Togo because we were Ghana get in trouble because we didn’t Finnish paying. But I’ve Benin trouble before, there was Norway they were going to catch me, I Congo much faster than the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's it called when a Pyro masterbates?

A cumbustion.... Happy turkey day

What key has legs and can't open a door?

A Turkey

Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Each and every morning of those 15 years, Bob has woken up, farted loudly and proudly, rolled over onto his back and got out of bed to go to work...

And each and every morning for those 15 years, Martha has said to him disgustedly, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!"

But this has had no effect on Bob as he has continued merrily with his routine each morning.

Martha is totally fed up with this and then one Thanksgi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Bobby woke up early on Thanksgiving Morning

As he was putting on his clothes for the day, he heard a loud, "FUCK!" coming from the Kitchen.



Little Bobby rushed downstairs, to see his mother nursing a cut on her finger.



"Mom, what does 'Fuck' mean?" asked little Bobby.



"It's a way of preparing the t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Zoom Thanksgiving

Our potluck is going to hit everyone a little different this year. My dad will finally have the whole turkey to himself. Aunt Mary will be wasted all day since she agreed to get the keg. Grandma might go into a diabetic coma since she only makes desserts. And I hope Uncle Larry starves to death sinc...

Me: Are you into role playing? Her: Yeah I love dressing up!

Me: Okay, just lay there. You'll be the turkey and I'll do the stuffing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s Thanksgiving Day!

Little Johnny was so excited because family is coming over to celebrate but mom in dad were in their bedroom arguing.
Dad yells “you bitch!
Mom yells back “you bastard!” And stomps downstairs to the kitchen.

Johnny goes into their bedroom afterwards and asks, “Daddy, what does ‘bitch ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Timmy comes home from school to find his parents in the middle of a fight.

Timmy's parents keep him pretty sheltered, and they don't normally fight in front of him, so he stops to see what is going on. The argument is pretty heated and at this point has devolved to plain old shouting insults at one another.

His mother yells at his father "At least I don't have hairy...

Why doesn’t Greece celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they hate Turkey

What do you call a turkey's evil twin?

A Gobblegänger.

A lady walked into a tattoo parlor and said, "Can you do a tattoo of a turkey on my right inner thigh and one of a Christmas tree on my left inner thigh?"

"Sure,* the tattoo artist said. "But if you
don't mind me asking, why did you choose
those two designs?"
The lady smiled. "My husband' she explained. "He says there's never anything to eat
between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"

Syrian tanks

So, my dad tells me that Syria is getting military tanks from Turkey. I asked if that was bad and he said no, everyone loves a tanks giving Turkey.

Just in time for the farmers thanksgiving. NSFW

There was this farmer that every morning would wake up and the first thing he would do is fart. Wet farts, dry farts, stinky farts, and especially loud farts. His wife would constantly tell him, “Honey, you really need to go to the doctor and have them look at that, one day you’ll end up farting you...

Turkey can now finally join the EU

Why? Well because now that the UK has left, there's 1 GB of free space

What do you call a turkey that shows too much cleavage?

A fowl temptress.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If the Great War was a bar fight

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recomm...

My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch

I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.

Irregardless of what my dad says...

It's impossible to dethaw a frozen turkey.

I quit smoking cold turkey

And started putting it on my sandwiches instead.

My wife threw a pack of turkey and a lighter in the cart and my God the temptation was strong...

It was just last week that I quit smoking cold turkey

Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?

Cause he likes stabbing things in the back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy discovers his first swear words on Thanksgiving Day.

A young boy discovers his first swear words on Thanksgiving Day. After aggravating his mother, he's sent outside to play. In the yard, he overhears his neighbors fighting: "You bitch!" "You bastard!" Astounded, he runs back inside and asks his mother, "Mommy mommy! What is a bitch and bastard?"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dad, Sister and Mum

So my dad is in the bathroom shaving his beard as usual, when he drops his razor and shouts "Dick!"

I ask "What does Dick Mean?"

He says it means "Beard" and I say "Okay"

I go downstairs into the living room, where my sister is eating Cake. She drops the spoon she is using onto ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

Today I will eat TURKEY

...and all 80.81 million people in it.

What sound does a Turkey make?

"coup coup"

My wife was giving me a hard time about drinking too much over the weekend. I finally agreed to quit cold turkey.

I don't much care for leftovers anyway.

A Chicken, a Priest, and A Duck walk into a bar. The duck turns to the chicken and says..

'Who invited the Turkey?'

[From my 8-year-old] What did the Mandalorian say about how to cook the Thanksgiving turkey?

...This is the way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has a habit of starting every morning by breaking wind.

Of course, his wife finds this habit disgusting, and even as she asks him to stop, he only snickers, continuing the habit every morning.

After one of the husband's daily bouts of morning flatulence, the woman tells him that if he continues to fart every morning, his intestines will come out ...

Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.

*Baste on a True Story.*

I shot my first Thanksgiving turkey this year.

Scared the hell out of everyone else in the grocery store.

I can't stop eating left-over Thanksgiving..

I guess I need to quit cold turkey.

A couple fingers, Vaseline, and the grace of God

Not an original joke but hilarious nonetheless. Presented for your enjoyment.


This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.

The noise would wake his w...

Why did they ask the turkey to join the band?

Because He had the drum sticks.

What’s the difference between a turkey and Turkey?

A turkey wouldn’t commit genocide against innocent people

Wives are like Thanksgiving Turkeys.

They eventually get fat and then stop gobbling.

Who is Turkey's Minister of Propaganda?

Joesph Gobbles

Why did the police arrest the turkey?

They suspected fowl play.

Why doesn't a turkey like math?

Because when he added 3 to 5.


He got Ate.

Why didn't the turkey finish his Christmas dinner?

He was stuffed.

I went turkey hunting recently with my new shotgun...

scared the hell out of everyone in the frozen foods section.

I was carving the Thanksgiving turkey and cut my hand. My not so bright brother-in-law ran over and grabbed the bloody wound with his fingers and started twisting it. I screamed “Ouch!! What the hell are you doing!”

He replied, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut”

What do you call a man who lives in Turkey who was not born there.

Turkish

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. Johnson joined a bowling team. "We meet at 8:00 every Saturday morning," said the captain. "Okay," said Mr. Johnson, "but I might be five minutes late for the first game."

That Saturday, Mr. Johnson arrived at exactly 8:00 and bowled a turkey with his right hand. When he left the bowling alley, he said, "Next week, I might be five minutes late."

The next Saturday, Mr. Johnson arrived at exactly 8:00 and bowled a six-pack with his left hand. When he left the bow...

Did you hear what happened to the Turkey that got into a fight?

Apparently he got the stuffing knocked out of him.

Europe is like a fridge

You have the freezing cold part at the top


Then in the middle, you have cheese, cold meat, and a good drinks selection


Then down the bottom corner, there's just turkey and grease

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Psychologist once had a patient who masturbated with a raw chicken

He had a crippling addiction where he would masturbate with a raw chicken. This was really harming his social life and he became a recluse. His psychologist suggested he went cold turkey.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next say, after eating more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, ...

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows."

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown."

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys die and go to Heaven...

St. Peter is working the gate and tells the men, "All your paperwork appears to be in order. But before I allow you into heaven I need you to answer one final essay question. In 50 words or less, can you tell me the true meaning of Easter?"

The first man scratches his head, "Well, you cut dow...

An ode to the Canadian Thanksgiving: How do you keep a turkey in suspense?

I will tell you tomorrow.

The country of Turkey is a lot like Little Miss Moffett...

They both have Kurds in their way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny and his family are preparing for Christmas dinner.

Johnny goes upstairs to his brothers room while he’s playing video games. His brother gets a kill and yells “Yeah, eat that bitch!”
Little Johnny asks, “Hey bro, what does that word mean?”
His brother looks around hurriedly and replies “It means uh...a lovely lady.”

Little Johnny goe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the turkey cross the road?

He didn't. He's an asshole and just stood in front of my car for 5 mins.

My kids tell me that they want a cat for Chrismas this year.

We normally cook a turkey for Christmas, but if they want a cat, okay.

Why don't they like cheese in Turkey?

Because they despise letting the Kurds have their way.

Why doesn’t Trump like Turkey?

Too much dark meat.

Friday Lunch


Oh lunch how I long for you so
Quickly to noon i hopeith this day go
I have been preparing for your flavor since your conception last night
Merely your presence at my feet brings delight

Turkey, cheese, horseradish oh my
My only regret is that you're not perched on ...

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