What happened to the guy who sold the secrets of the US poultry association?

He was ostrichacized

Who’s your favourite Canadian music icon that also practices advanced culinary technique which enhances the flavour of poultry at the atomic level?

Brine Atoms

I have a serious addiction to frozen poultry...

... I'm trying to quit cold turkey

Don't trust the farmer! The poultry he advertised was far better than the produce he sold!

When I challenged him, he only apologised for giving me a misleading egg-sample.

If you have two hundred chickens, you have a poultry farm.

If you have two chickens, you have a paltry farm.

What kind of poultry is good at dancing?

A twerkey!

Apologies for the awful joke. Thought of it this morning and it made me laugh for an unreasonable length of time.

I was working in poultry and a women held up a package and asked me, "When does the chicken expire?"

"At the factory, when they cut its head off."

What do you call poultry that glows in the dark?

Chicken Kiev

An slow witted poultry farmer says to his friend, "If can guess how many chickens I have in this bag...

...I'll give them both to you!".

What is the most popular Canadian poultry restaurant?

Chic-fil, eh?

So my friend's daughter Zas, who is 3, asked me where eggs come from.

I said, 'Well, they come from a chicken'.

To which she replied: 'But where do they COME from?'

I chuckled and said, 'From a chicken, silly!'

But this did not satisfy her.

'I mean WHERE do they come from?'

'From chickens of course', I reiterated for the third time.<...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Famous people answer the ubiquitous question, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

**TEACHER**: To get to the other side.


**PLATO**: For the greater good.


**ARISTOTLE**: It is in the nature of chickens to cross roads.


**SOCRATES**: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road?


**HIPPOCRATES**: Because of an excess of phlegm in i...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Word spread quickly that a meat shipment was inbound from Moscow, in the Russian Soviet Federated Socialist Republic.

Sure enough, in the early hours of Monday morning the line outside State Food Store no. 46 was already over two hundred people long, many whispering excitedly about poultry and sausages, despite the dark, bitterly cold morning. After hours of waiting, and still before sunrise, the Commissar came out...

I watched the chicken cross the road the other day...

it was poultry in motion.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The tax return

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."

He gets her name, address etc. And then asks, "What's your occupation?"

"I'm a prostitute," she says.
<...

What are battles between birds called?

Poultry Slam

I had a job counting chickens, but I quit.

It only paid a poultry sum.

Seen on a gas station board

What is a ghostly turkey called?

A poultry-geist

My 8 year old son wrote this...

What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes?

A poultry-geist.

What kind of tree lays eggs?

A poultry.

What do you call a disease that paralyzes half of a chickens face?

Bells Poultry

Sometimes me and my friends get together to talk about chicks

It's a poultry slam.

If apples grow on an apple tree, where do chickens grow?

A poultry

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Farmer goes to market

A poor country farmer needed to get grain for his cow, so he decided to take a rooster and a hen to the local market for trade. He got on his donkey, and his wife handed him the poultry, one held tightly in each of his arms. The donkey was stubborn, but a few scratches behind the ears by his wife go...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm a man with a MASSIVE cock, looking for a woman...

...with a large hen, to talk about the poultry industry.

Chicken stock has gone up today,

but only by a poultry sum.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Shopping for breasts

The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts. I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher lady.

"Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So a father decides to give his so $1 to get laid...

So the old farmer decided his son was of age. The brothel in town had a tradition that a young man could have his first evening with a lady for only $1. So the farmer gives his boy $1 and sends him to town.

Well the boy makes it to the brothel. He gets welcomed by a talented older lady, pays ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A hillbilly goes to see a doctor.

The doctor tells him he contracted some pretty nasty STDs. And asks him how he might have gotten them.

"I know how I gots em, it's salmonella. From sleeping in the chicken coop."

"Sir. These are all sexually transmitted diseases people have. You can't catch them from poultry, no matt...

A farmer decided to sell all of his chickens to the highest bidder...

It was poultry in auction

Elderly Couple Go to Heaven Together

They both arrive at the pearly gates together and meet Saint Peter, who says "Let me show you around" He pointed to a mansion and said "That will be your house, located next to the country club." The old man asks, "and how much will that cost?" St Peter replies, "oh there's no charges, it's free,...

Puns for the elevated mind...

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath ...

A chicken walks into a bar

A chicken walks into a bar.

Bartender: "We don't serve poultry"

Chicken: "Don't worry I'm only feeling a bit peckish"

Bartender: "No, I mean we don't serve birds"

Chicken: "Why?"

Bartender: "You might run the place afoul"

Chicken: "But my wing-man is a duck"...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Jokes for the week of 4/6-4/12

A French breast scientist advises against wearing bras after a thorough study, thus tying for the best job ever and the best news ever.

A GOP rep said not gays nor NAMBLA can redefine marriage. Thankfully, nine fabulous people in robes can. ‪#suckit‬ ‪#nohomo‬ ‪#somehomo‬ ‪#yeshomo‬

Ki...