This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A father cooks a deer for dinner and doesn't Tell the children what it is, he gives them a hint and says "it's what your mother calls me"

The son quickly yells out "its a fucking dick don't eat it!"

I walked into a store and noticed they were selling deer nuts for $1.25

Every other time I've seen them, they were under a buck.

If almonds are $1, peanuts $.50, and pistachios $1.50, how much are deer nuts?

Under a buck

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a blind deer?

No iDeer.

What do you call a blind deer with no legs?

Still no iDeer.

What do you call a blind deer with no legs and no genitalia?

Still no fucking iDeer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

“No-eye-deer”

Oh deer

A 911 operator gets a call.

"911, what's the emergency?"

"Oh man oh man oh man"

"Calm down, sir. What has happened?"

"I shot Bill. I think it's bad. He's bleeding all over the place"

"You shot him?"

"Yes yes yes. I shot him. Didn't mean to! My rifle slipped ...

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idear.

What do you call a no-eyed deer that cannot move?

Still no idear.

What do you call something that's having sex with an immobile, no-eyed deer?

Fucking still no idear.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A redneck and an annoying stranger are sitting next to each other on a 12 hour plane ride...

The stranger is pretty well dressed and, after a few drinks becomes very loud and disruptive. He starts boasting that hes the smartest man on the plane. After a few minutes of unsuccessfully trying to get people to engage with him, a stewardess tells the stranger he needs to be quiet and stop distur...

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Oh deer...

One even, husband came home from a day of hunting and brought home a deer. He suggested to his wife that she should cook the deer meat but don't tell the kids what's for dinner. Wife agrees and cooks the deer meat.

Later that evening the husband, wife and the kids, all gather at the table for...

Deer

A deer walks into a bar and leaves an hour and a half later, she says
“Whew! I can’t believe I just blew fifty bucks!”

What did the selfish beaver say to the deer that asked him to help stop the flooding affecting her grazing grounds?

Frankly, my deer, I don't give a dam.

I got impaled by a deer today:

It was a massive fawn in my side

What’s the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?

Beer nuts are a dollar seventy-five and deer nuts are always under a buck.

One day, a young deer named Frank Lee went out with his mother...

As they were carrying on with their daily business, they came across a river with a beaver building a dam.


The young deer asked his mother, “Why is the beaver building a dam?”


His mother responded, “Not for long. Watch and learn, son.”


The mother then proceeded to...

I'm considering hunting deer for a living

I hear its where all the big bucks are.

A group of friends went deer hunting.

They decided to separate into pairs for the day to cover more ground. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a huge buck. The rest of the group helped him as he dropped the buck, before looking around.

“Where’s Harry?” asked one of the other hunters.

“He fainted a coup...

A man name Bob was taking his friend deer hunting for the first time...

He had hyped up the hunting trip all year, as they waited for deer season to arrive. The season starts and Bob drives his friend, Dave, to the land where Dave would kill his first deer.


They had the whole weekend, but after almost two days at it, they hadn't seen heads nor tails of the ...

New addition to an old joke

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye-deer! (like no idea)

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no eye-deer!

What do you call a deer that's been hung, draw and quartered? A well-executed eyed-deer! (a well-executed idea)

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

(Hillbilly) Well I gots no i-dear-ah

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Executives at Monsanto have announced an initiative to genetically alter deer for increased movement speed.

Those assholes will do anything to make a quick buck

What do you call a deer with one eye and a broken leg?

I have no eye-deer

Two blondes went out deer hunting...

...and they managed to shoot a deer. They started dragging the deer by the hind legs to get it back to their pick up truck.

An experienced hunter saw them and said, "No, girls, you're doing it wrong. You're dragging against the grain of the deer's hair. If you drag by the antlers, you'll...

This is a mean joke.

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The e...

-Santa's sleigh was hit by a car. Several deers died. What is left?

-The remaindeer

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve killed a deer

It’ll be zero bucks

Anybody know how much Deer antlers cost?

I was told they're always 2 for a Buck.

What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?

100 sows and bucks.

A duck, a skunk, and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill!

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A farmer passes by and says, "Hey you shot that deer on my property. That makes that deer mine."
The hunter says, "No way, I tracked it, I shot it, it's mine."
The farmer says, "Ok Ok...we'll settle this the old way."
"The ol...

Deer walks into a bar

Deer: Darn, where all the does at?

Have you heard of this new zombie like disease, stricking moses and deers? Hollywood is already on it.

Nightmare on elk street.

What is a deers preffered currency?

Bucks

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A deer had a bar. One day, he found the toilet window broken, so he asked the patrons "Who broke the window!?"

A hare responded "I kinda did..."

The deer asked "What do you mean by "kinda"?"

The hare says: "Well, I was taking a dump and after the bear finished his, he took me and tried to wipe his butt, but then he saw I wasn't toilet paper and threw me right out of the window".

The deer...

A vegan asked me what i felt when shooting a deer. I said..

Recoil.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A hunter takes his wife deer hunting for the first time.

As they get to the deer stand the hunter tells his wife to get in the stand and sit very still and if a deer comes out, shoot it.

The hunter leaves his wife in the stand and starts walking to his stand. After walking for about five minutes he hears the loud boom of a rifle echoing through th...

What common saying is a favorite among deer hunters and racist cops?

"If it's brown, it's down."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head in the lush.

Dazed and confused, I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiney new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...

"I'm okay I think," I replied as ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The deer with no eyes.

This is an overused joke, but there is a third line I never see used, so I'll share it with you.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.

What do you call an deer with no eyes, no legs and no di...

Why did the deer get mad at his girlfriend when she got back from the casino?

She told him that she blew 30 bucks while she was there.

What do two deers do when together?

They fawn-icate

Two hunters are tracking a deer when they stumble upon a deep hole...

They can’t see the bottom of this hole and were wanting to see how deep it went. One of the hunters found an anvil next to the hole and threw it down. They were waiting to hear the thud of the anvil hitting the ground but they didn’t hear anything. Suddenly, the hunters heard a charging sound. The h...

Kudos to that guy who was able to poach deer

I can't even poach an egg decently.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Just realized Deer Balls are the cheapest meat!

They're under a buck!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A male and female deer have sex and make a baby.... they

‘’Fawn’icated

What do you call a deer who wants to make cartoons?

Adobe Illustrator.

After hauling a deer on the back of my car, I was disappointed to find the meat had gone bad.

Guess thats what I get for putting it on the spoiler

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A hunter comes home with a deer he has just killed.

He says to his wife: "Prepare this for dinner, but don't tell the kids what we're having."

At the dinner table, the kids ask: "Mommy, what are we having?"

The hunter replies: "Oh, it's what your mother calls me sometimes."

The older sibling immediately stands up and exclaims: ...

What's the difference between a run over deer and a run over anti-vaxxer?

There are break marks in front of the deer

So a biologist, a chemist, and a statistician go deer hunting

So having never done this before, they were not very good. So the biologist shoots at a deer and misses way off, 5 feet to the right. Because it was so far it didn't scare the deer, so the chemist shoots next and misses again way off, 5 feet to the left this time. Next the statistician yells "WE GOT...

I am going to invest in Deer Farming...

seems like the best bang for buck!

What do male deer and the Kardashians have in common?

Every year, they get a new rack

What's a pirates favourite type of deer?

A commandeer!

A Physicist and an Engineer take turns shooting at a deer.

An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each takes a turn to try and bag it.

The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m s...

Hitting a deer with your car is always an unfair trade.

You're out the cost of the insurance deductible, but nature is only out a buck.

A physicist, a biologist and a statistician go hunting.

They are hiding together in the bushes and they see a deer 70ft ahead of them. The physicist makes some calculations, aims and fires at the deer. His shot ends up 5ft to the left of the deer. The biologist analyzes the deer's movement, aims and fires. His shot ends up 5ft to the right of the deer. T...

What do you call a deer with mixed feelings?

Bambivalent

One night at a local bar frequented by a bunch of deer hunters who were waiting for the opening day of deer season, the local sheriff scoped out the joint for possible drunk drivers.

As he waited, eventually a patron stumbled out of the bar, fumbled for his keys, tried them in three different cars until he finally found his, got inside and rested his head on the steering wheel. The deputy knew he had his drunk driver, so now all he had to do was wait for him to start his engine ...

What do you call a deer that’s enlisted in the Air Force?

A bombar*deer*.

they say people see a white light before they die, but you know what deer see?

Two white lights.

Three blondes are walking when they come across tracks. The first blondes says “I know these, they’re deer tracks!” The second says “No! They’re bear tracks” Finally the third speaks up and says “Your both wrong! They’re obviously fox trails!”

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

What do hunters call deer that carry guns?

Fair game

What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?

a dilldoe

What's a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer?

Comet.

Studies have shown that a deer can jump higher than an average house.

This is because deer are agile animals and also due to the fact that a house cannot jump.