What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?

Beer nuts are always over a dollar, deer nuts are always under a buck.

Goofy, I know, but still makes me laugh 20 years after I first heard it!

ETA: GUYS! Thanks so much for the upvotes, I've never had so many! Y'all made my night!

A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck

So they put the meal on the duck's bill.

The #1 cause for accidents in Georgia is deer.

Which is crazy to me since they can’t drive.

2 deer are talking together when another animal comes by, the animal says "don't worry, I'm not going to eat you", so one of the deer responded saying:

"He's lion"

What do you call a deer with no legs ?

Anything you want, it can’t chase after you

A man wanted to hunt deer but it was not hunting season...

He decide he’ll risk it and went out and shot a deer, then he put the carcass over his shoulder and started to make his way out of the wood.

Suddenly he was stopped by a warden.

“What are you doing?” Asks the warden

“Nothing” says the man

“You’re not allowed to hunt here”...

What would happen if Apple bought a deer?

they’d have an idea

What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are about a buck fifty and deer nuts are under a buck.

Yeah, the NRA sounds great, but personally, I prefer Deer Lovers Anonymous.

You get more bang for your buck.

How did Mozart hunt deer?

With his Wolfgang.

What's the difference between Walnuts and Deer nuts?

Walnuts are $2.95 Deer nuts are under a buck. :DD

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals?
Still no fucking eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no g...

I am finally ready to accept applications for my deer cloning business...

It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.

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What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?

A Dildo.

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A Deer, trying to hook up its Deer friend with a prostitute Deer, is found negotiating very hard with a Pimp Deer on price.

When asked why, it simply says:

I’m just trying to get a bang for my buck.

"A very Polite Deer"

A lizard is walking through the forest when he sees a rabbit knocked down. He askes what happened. The rabbit says "It was the deer. He's gone crazy and now he's hitting everyone with a bat, but I gotta say-he is very polite."

The lizard continues down the forest when he sees a bear also kno...

I meet guy with a deer on the end of each arm

He was bambidextrous

What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest?

Bombi.

What do you call a pickled deer

A dill doe

Did you hear about the mad scientist who created deer-plant hybrids?

Apparently he wanted to introduce some variety to the local fawna.

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A hunter shot a deer which ran into someone else's farmyard.

The hunter went to retrieve his deer but the farmer said it was his because it was on his property. They argued about it. The farmer finally says: “You’re obviously a city feller, but this isn’t the city. Let’s settle this farm style. We’ll take turns kicking each other in the balls until one of us ...

Deer customer,

You are a deer, get the hell out of here, you’re spreading your ticks everywhere, thank you.

A brilliant scientist successfully creates a lifelike deer cyborg.

Dr. Holmes, after many years of biotechnological research, finally succeeded in his secret project, using funds diverted from his research grant. Because the project needed to be kept off the records, Dr. Holmes kept the deer at home.

The cyborg would grow and develop just as a normal fawn wo...

Hey, has anyone seen the new deer burgers they sell at Walmart?

I heard they only cost a buck.

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A guy walks into a bar with 10 bucks and asks what he can get

The bartender says, "You can get those damn deer the fuck outta my bar!"

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A hunter kills a deer and brings it home for dinner

He and his wife decide they won't tell the kids was they're eating. Dad gives them a clue: " What does Mommy call me?" The little girl screams to her brother " Don't eat it! It's an asshole!"

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I-deer!

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no I-deer...

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no reproductive organs?

Still, no fucking, I-deer!

TIL a white tail deer can jump higher than a standard house.

A white tail deer with their powerful hind legs can jump 8 - 12 feet high whereas a standard house can't jump.

So I asked my friend to hangout and he said, “Can’t, I tested positive for COVID-19, but do you have any deer ticks?

...because I could really go for a Corona and Lyme right now”

What did the deer say when she came out of the woods?

“That’s the last time I do that for two bucks.”

Two Aggies bag a deer

Two Aggies had bagged a deer and were dragging it by the rear legs back to the truck. But the antlers kept getting stuck in the mud. One says to the other, "This is tough but we only got about 1 mile left to reach the truck."

A third hunter saw their dilemma and told them, "If you drag the de...

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A farmer passes by and says, "Hey you shot that deer on my property. That makes that deer mine."
The hunter says, "No way, I tracked it, I shot it, it's mine."
The farmer says, "Ok Ok...we'll settle this the old way."
"The ol...

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A hunter kills a deer and brings it home for dinner.

His family sits down to eat and he knows both of his kids are picking eaters so he doesn’t tell them what it is. As they eat the kids keep asking what it is they’re eating. Finally the dad says “it’s what your mother sometimes calls me” The first kid looks up at the other as yells “spit it out it’s ...

Why did the Chinese government confiscate all deer legs?

Mistook them for moose limbs.

I traded a deer for some chickens.

Overall it was a good deal. It only cost me a buck.

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Scientists have recently created a new hybrid by mating a male donkey and a female deer.

It isn't very beautiful, but that ass doe

Why did the deer lose her job at the bakery?

She was caught sampling the owner’s doe nuts

What did the Guatemalan man do when he saw a deer run across his car’s path on the motorway?

He accidentally ran over it in His panic.

bah dum tss

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A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly,...

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A hunter kills a deer and brings it home.

He decides to clean it, prepare it, and serve the deer meat for dinner. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is, so he doesn't tell them.


His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for dinner dad?"


"You'll see", he replies.

...

Some guy was talking to another guy about deer when he asked a question:

Guy 1: What do you call a deer with no eyes?


Guy 2: What?


Guy 1: No ideer.


Guy 2: ....


Guy 1: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?


Guy 2: ....what?


Guy 1: Still no ideer.

I was driving down the road at night when a deer jumped in front of my car.

I slammed the brakes and he looked at me . I saw fear in his eyes .

Then he turned and ran for his deer life .

What do you call a hooved ruminant wearing glasses?

A bad-eyed deer.

Three Blondes

Three blondes are walking through the woods when they come upon a set of tracks. One looks down and states those are dog tracks. Another says you are wrong those are bear tracks. The third one tells them you are both wrong those are deer tracks. They were still arguing when they were hit by the ...

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It's 1845 and a man travels to Montana with his wife and son to settle. (LONG)

It's 1845 and Jacob travels to Montana with his wife and son to settle. After hard work, he has a log cabin built and pulls a brass bell from a steamer trunk they brought with them.

His wife, Sara, is bemused, asking what the bell is for. As the man proceeds to hang it from the eaves just in...

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Farmer Joe decides to go down the road to visit his friend Eb.

When he arrives at Eb's farm he hears music coming from Eb's barn.

Going to take a look Joe finds Eb dancing naked around his John Deer!

Taking a step back Joe asks Eb what the heck he's doing?

Eb explains, "Well to be honest me and my woman's been having problems in the bedroom...

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A father cooks a deer for dinner and doesn't Tell the children what it is, he gives them a hint and says "it's what your mother calls me"

The son quickly yells out "its a fucking dick don't eat it!"

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What did the man say when he ran over a deer with his car?

Fuck.



You were expecting "Oh deer" weren't you?

A baby deer has been hanging around my house lately

I'm quite fawned of it

A Native American Chief had three wives, all of whom were pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated that he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.

The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred.

Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the th...

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An old, gross joke about deer hunting



*This ancient joke pre-dates the Internet. It is from the South and is best told with a southern accent.*

I was deer hunting in the mountains of North Carolina. After about four hours I shot a nice 400lb buck. While I was hauling the dear back to my truck, I was stopped by the game wa...

If you see a deer with out antlers acting crazy dont try to eat it without cooking it first.

Everyone knows you cant eat raw kooky doe.

Mu favorite series of riddles when i was in high school. Hope you all like it as much as i did <3

Give 3 steps to put an elephant in a refrigerator.
i.Open the refrigerator
ii.Put the elephant in
iii.Close it

AND THEN ASK

Give 4 steps to put a giraffe in the refrigerator.
i.Open the refrigerator
ii.Take the elephant out
iii.Put the giraffe in
iv.Close it
...

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Deer Camp

The guys were all at a deer camp.

No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a...

What do you call a deer that can’t curse?

I don’t buckin’ know.

Which side of a deer has the best meat?

The inside.

I walked into a store and noticed they were selling deer nuts for $1.25

Every other time I've seen them, they were under a buck.

Deer nuts are always the same price worldwide....

Always under a buck! lol


My 11 year old son told me this joke today and thought I'd share with everyone.

Two men are organizing a herd of deer.

Two men are organizing a herd of deer.
Seeing as the had 26 deer, they decided to label each one with a letter of the alphabet. As they’re herding them into an enclosure, they realize they only had 25.

“One of them’s missing,” said the first man.

“Oh dear.”

I hear that Bambi has been in mourning since the conclusion of last hunting season.

He lost a deer friend.

My family did a poll: Should we get grandmother a large deer?

In the end it was a unannymoose decision

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Three men go deer hunting.

They've been out there for hours before one of the men finally sees a buck.

He shoots the buck and they're tracking its blood when one of the other guys says "we need to hurry i need to shit."

They proceed to take the dead buck back to camp and start gutting the deer. That's when the...

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A deer had a bar. One day, he found the toilet window broken, so he asked the patrons "Who broke the window!?"

A hare responded "I kinda did..."

The deer asked "What do you mean by "kinda"?"

The hare says: "Well, I was taking a dump and after the bear finished his, he took me and tried to wipe his butt, but then he saw I wasn't toilet paper and threw me right out of the window".

The deer...

What do you call deer in space?

Star bucks.

3 blondes were walking on a path

They came across a set of tracks and were debating about what animal they were from.

Blonde 1: These are definitely deer tracks.

Blonde 2: They are not. These are clearly elk tracks.

Blonde 3: Both of you are blind. These are obviously moose tracks.

That’s when the train ...

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An engineer, a physicist and a statistician go deer hunting.

An engineer, a physicist and a statistician go deer hunting. They see a massive buck, and the physicist gets to take the first shot.

The physicist takes out a notepad and pencil and starts calculating, "Account for coriolis force, air friction...carry the 9..." Finally the physicist has calcu...

I want to start a deer breeding business

but first I'm gonna need about 5000 bucks

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I was offered a deer in exchange for sex.

I’d say that’s a real bang for your buck.

I hit a deer with my truck on the way home

And I really don't like it when meat goes to waste, so I guess it's a good thing I got it on the grille right away.

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Two hunters are out in the middle of deer season.

One hunter suddenly feels an intense urge to answer natures call and excuses himself to the bushes.

The second hunter, remaining in the deer blind, finds his prey, kills, and cleans the kill without his friend ever showing up. He goes off to find his buddy, soon discovers him asleep, sitting...

My sister dressed up as a deer for Halloween.

All my friends fawned over her

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Hunting Deer (LONG)

Three rednecks went buck hunting in the woods. John, Bob and Joe.

After a short while, they spot a buck from a far off.

Bob takes aim with hie rifle, fires, grazes the deer, it runs into a thicket and doesn't come out.

After a few minutes...Joe says he'll run into the thicket...

What do you call a group of deer who indulge in domestic violence and blame it on their SO?

Amber Herd

I bought some deer leg nunchucks for $20.

I said, "$20? They used to be under a buck!"

Loud ammunition is better for hunting deer

That way you get more bang for your buck

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