What’s the cheapest meat you can buy?

Deer balls, they’re under a buck...

(Told to me by my 12yo son)

I once met a deer who could write with both hands.

It was Bambidextrous.

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A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an asshole!

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are 1.49 and deer nuts are under a buck.

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A father cooks a deer for dinner and doesn't Tell the children what it is, he gives them a hint and says "it's what your mother calls me"

The son quickly yells out "its a fucking dick don't eat it!"

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No Ideer

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea!

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea!

Hint: say it out loud

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A hunter shoots a deer and brings it home.

A hunter shoots a deer and brings it home, and has his wife clean it and cook some of it for dinner. The wife then serves it to the family. She says to the children: "Can you guess what this meat is? As a clue, it's something I call your father."


"Don't eat it!" says one child to the othe...

A salesman told me to buy a different deer hunting rifle

He told me it was a better bang for your buck

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A hunter takes his wife deer hunting for the first time.

As they get to the deer stand the hunter tells his wife to get in the stand and sit very still and if a deer comes out, shoot it.

The hunter leaves his wife in the stand and starts walking to his stand. After walking for about five minutes he hears the loud boom of a rifle echoing through the...

Deer 1 notices Deer 2 is feeling sad

Deer 1: what’s wrong

Deer 2: well my wife went to Vegas, and blew 50 bucks

I matched with a deer on Tinder.

It sent me a tick pic.

I walked into a store and noticed they were selling deer nuts for $1.25

Every other time I've seen them, they were under a buck.

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How do you call a deer without an eye?

No-eye-deer

What do you call a deer without an eye and without legs?

Still no-eye-deer

What do you call a deer without legs, a penis and an eye?

Still no fucking eye-deer

Three blondes are walking around. They suddenly stumble apron some tracks. The first blonde says "those are deer tracks" the send blonde says "those are wolf tracks!" The third blonde says" no, those are bear tracks!"

And then the train hit them

One night at a local bar frequented by a bunch of deer hunters who were waiting for the opening day of deer season, the local sheriff scoped out the joint for possible drunk drivers.

As he waited, eventually a patron stumbled out of the bar, fumbled for his keys, tried them in three different cars until he finally found his, got inside and rested his head on the steering wheel. The deputy knew he had his drunk driver, so now all he had to do was wait for him to start his engine ...

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2 deer walk out of a bar.

Deer 1: I can't believe I blew 30 bucks in there!

Deer 2: I can't believe I got fucked over by nearly 30 bucks in there!

What do you call jam made from deer meat?

Wildlife Preserve

What did the Canadian deer say to her boyfriend when he forgot their anniversary?

Do you even caribout me?

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Oh deer...

One even, husband came home from a day of hunting and brought home a deer. He suggested to his wife that she should cook the deer meat but don't tell the kids what's for dinner. Wife agrees and cooks the deer meat.

Later that evening the husband, wife and the kids, all gather at the table for...

Oh deer

A 911 operator gets a call.

"911, what's the emergency?"

"Oh man oh man oh man"

"Calm down, sir. What has happened?"

"I shot Bill. I think it's bad. He's bleeding all over the place"

"You shot him?"

"Yes yes yes. I shot him. Didn't mean to! My rifle slipped ...

Deer

A deer walks into a bar and leaves an hour and a half later, she says
“Whew! I can’t believe I just blew fifty bucks!”

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A farmer passes by and says, "Hey you shot that deer on my property. That makes that deer mine."
The hunter says, "No way, I tracked it, I shot it, it's mine."
The farmer says, "Ok Ok...we'll settle this the old way."
"The ol...

Two blondes went out deer hunting...

...and they managed to shoot a deer. They started dragging the deer by the hind legs to get it back to their pick up truck.

An experienced hunter saw them and said, "No, girls, you're doing it wrong. You're dragging against the grain of the deer's hair. If you drag by the antlers, you'll...

“Have you seen a deer before?”

A guy and his friend watch TV together because they are bored.

Suddenly a documentary about deers comes on:

“Have you seen a deer before?” asks the friend.

“Yes , on TV” replies the guy

“No , i meant in pure nature.” Said his friend

“Dad does not let us put the TV ...

Why do deer struggle with books?

Because they reed backwards.

This is a mean joke.

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The e...

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A redneck and an annoying stranger are sitting next to each other on a 12 hour plane ride...

The stranger is pretty well dressed and, after a few drinks becomes very loud and disruptive. He starts boasting that hes the smartest man on the plane. After a few minutes of unsuccessfully trying to get people to engage with him, a stewardess tells the stranger he needs to be quiet and stop distur...

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve killed a deer

It’ll be zero bucks

I got impaled by a deer today:

It was a massive fawn in my side

One day, a young deer named Frank Lee went out with his mother...

As they were carrying on with their daily business, they came across a river with a beaver building a dam.


The young deer asked his mother, “Why is the beaver building a dam?”


His mother responded, “Not for long. Watch and learn, son.”


The mother then proceeded to...

I'm considering hunting deer for a living

I hear its where all the big bucks are.

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A deer had a bar. One day, he found the toilet window broken, so he asked the patrons "Who broke the window!?"

A hare responded "I kinda did..."

The deer asked "What do you mean by "kinda"?"

The hare says: "Well, I was taking a dump and after the bear finished his, he took me and tried to wipe his butt, but then he saw I wasn't toilet paper and threw me right out of the window".

The deer...

-Santa's sleigh was hit by a car. Several deers died. What is left?

-The remaindeer

What did the selfish beaver say to the deer that asked him to help stop the flooding affecting her grazing grounds?

Frankly, my deer, I don't give a dam.

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Executives at Monsanto have announced an initiative to genetically alter deer for increased movement speed.

Those assholes will do anything to make a quick buck

Have you heard of this new zombie like disease, stricking moses and deers? Hollywood is already on it.

Nightmare on elk street.

Anybody know how much Deer antlers cost?

I was told they're always 2 for a Buck.

A duck, a skunk, and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill!

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

(Hillbilly) Well I gots no i-dear-ah

Two hunters are tracking a deer when they stumble upon a deep hole...

They can’t see the bottom of this hole and were wanting to see how deep it went. One of the hunters found an anvil next to the hole and threw it down. They were waiting to hear the thud of the anvil hitting the ground but they didn’t hear anything. Suddenly, the hunters heard a charging sound. The h...

What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?

100 sows and bucks.

Why did the deer get mad at his girlfriend when she got back from the casino?

She told him that she blew 30 bucks while she was there.

A vegan asked me what i felt when shooting a deer. I said..

Recoil.

What is a deers preffered currency?

Bucks

What did the millennial hunter say when he couldn’t see the deer anymore?

“I just lost the game.”


...And now so have you.

What do you call a deer who wants to make cartoons?

Adobe Illustrator.

A group of friends went deer hunting.

They decided to separate into pairs for the day to cover more ground. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a huge buck. The rest of the group helped him as he dropped the buck, before looking around.

“Where’s Harry?” asked one of the other hunters.

“He fainted a coup...

I am going to invest in Deer Farming...

seems like the best bang for buck!

So a biologist, a chemist, and a statistician go deer hunting

So having never done this before, they were not very good. So the biologist shoots at a deer and misses way off, 5 feet to the right. Because it was so far it didn't scare the deer, so the chemist shoots next and misses again way off, 5 feet to the left this time. Next the statistician yells "WE GOT...

What do male deer and the Kardashians have in common?

Every year, they get a new rack

What's a pirates favourite type of deer?

A commandeer!

What's the difference between a run over deer and a run over anti-vaxxer?

There are break marks in front of the deer

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A hunter comes home with a deer he has just killed.

He says to his wife: "Prepare this for dinner, but don't tell the kids what we're having."

At the dinner table, the kids ask: "Mommy, what are we having?"

The hunter replies: "Oh, it's what your mother calls me sometimes."

The older sibling immediately stands up and exclaims: ...

After hauling a deer on the back of my car, I was disappointed to find the meat had gone bad.

Guess thats what I get for putting it on the spoiler

Kudos to that guy who was able to poach deer

I can't even poach an egg decently.

Deer walks into a bar

Deer: Darn, where all the does at?

A Physicist and an Engineer take turns shooting at a deer.

An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each takes a turn to try and bag it.

The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m s...

A physicist, a biologist and a statistician go hunting.

They are hiding together in the bushes and they see a deer 70ft ahead of them. The physicist makes some calculations, aims and fires at the deer. His shot ends up 5ft to the left of the deer. The biologist analyzes the deer's movement, aims and fires. His shot ends up 5ft to the right of the deer. T...

Hitting a deer with your car is always an unfair trade.

You're out the cost of the insurance deductible, but nature is only out a buck.

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