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A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.

“Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.

Wit...

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter "F".



Edit: *To everyone making jokes in the comments comparing politicians to pigs, please stop.
It's really offensive and disrespectful. Pigs are not all that bad.*

A pig with a wooden leg

A tourist from the city passed a farmhouse and saw a pig with a wooden leg. He went to the farmer and asked him about the pig.

The farmer said, "Oh, this is a great pig! There's no pig like him anywhere! Once, when I was plowing a field, the tractor tipped over and pinned my leg to the ground...

What is the difference between Politicians and Flying Pigs ?

The letter f

What do you call a pig with three eyes?

Piiig

My mom wrote this joke: What's the difference between a sweet potato fresh out of the oven and a pig thrown off a balcony?

One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham

She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!"

Everyone in the bar stops and stares.

Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.

She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm st...

A man gets shipwrecked on a desert island with only a dog and a pig…

…after many weeks without the touch of a woman - the pig begins to look very attractive. One night, the deprived man begins to chance his luck with the pig. Over dinner, he tweaks its tail, plays footsie with its trotters, and cuddles in close. The dog, witnessing all this, becomes very jealous, and...

What do you call a pig that knows karate ?

Pork Chop

Putin and his driver were on their way to Kyiv and they suddenly hit a pig...

Vladimir Putin and his driver were on their way to Kyiv in a car when all of a sudden they hit a pig near a farmhouse, killing it instantly.

Putin told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later, Putin sees his driver staggering back...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer had 5 female pigs but times were hard and he needed a solution.

A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived 60 miles apart, so they decide...

A man walks by a farm, where he sees a pig with a wooden leg

He's never seen anything like it before; the pig is just wandering around the farm, but with a well crafted wooden leg. His curiosity gets the better of him and he waves the farmer over.

"Sorry to bug you," the man says, "but I just have to ask, how did that pig end up with a wooden leg?"...

Why is your pig missing a leg?

Why is your pig missing a leg?

-Well, one day I was working at the barn when i accidentally dropped my gas lamp and everything caught on fire, the whole barn was surrounded by the flames and there was no way out. I was pretty sure I was going to die, but suddenly, my pig came running through ...

Where did the guinea pig end up when it came out of the closet?

Gnawnia

A man sees a 3 legged pig in a field

He goes and asks the farmer, "What's with the three legged pig?"
The farmer says "That's my lucky pig, that is!
- What did you mean?
farmer - well one day I was out on the tractor ploughing the fields and the barn caught fire. That pig ran over the fields to find me and oinked continuously ...

A cross between a horse and a pig lives next to me.

He's a good neigh boar.

What happens when a pig eats an edible?

It becomes a pot bellied pig.

A Farmer and his Son went to the local Cattle Market to buy some Pigs.

The Farmer goes up to the first Pig he comes across and put its curly tail in his mouth.

After tasting for a while the Farmer says:"This Pig is 4 years of Age ill buy this one.

The Owner overhears this and asked the Farmer:"Did i heard you right?? You guessed its Age by tasting its cur...

The farmer & the pig

A farmer took her prized pig to the vet. At the appointment she told the vet "For some reason, this pig won't mate!"

"That's unusual," the vet said. "he seems to be in fine health. I assume you're following all the usual steps"

"Of course" said the farmer- "but for some reason he just...

A pig walks into a bar and orders ten beers.

As soon as the pig is finished drinking the beers, he pays the bartender and starts to leave the bar.

"Wait!" says the bartender. "You drank so much beer. Wouldn't it be wise to use the bathroom before leaving?"

"Not for me," says the pig. "I'm the type of pig that goes wee wee wee all...

A pig and a chicken are talking on a field.

The chicken says, "Everything is way better with bacon on it!"

The pig says, "Oh really?? Everything?"

The chicken says, "Absolutely!"

So the pig sits on him.

What do pigs like to listen to?

HAM radio

Why Are Pigs So Bad at Cookin?

...because they're better at bacon!

What do you call a pig without clothes?

A bacon strip!

A cow, a goat, and a pig were trying to cross a river one late afternoon

Unfortunately, the river is home to a big mean alligator with a voracious appetite.

"We have no choice but to cross the river anyways, or we will starve on this side." says the cow and she crosses the river. Miraculously, she was unharmed. The gator only looks at her with indifference and let...

What do you have when you have 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?

A hundred sows ‘n bucks.

A pig walked into a tattoo store

A pig walked into a tattoo store.

Tattooist: How can I help you?

Pig: I want to have a tattoo on my body that makes me look wealthy.

Tattooist: Sure.

The tattooist drawn a rectangular hole on the pig's back.

Where did the guinea pig go when the pet shop exploded?

Everywhere.

FARMER: did you put lights and sirens on my pig

ME [hopping on its back]:

H A M B U L A N C E

What do you use to clean a pig?

Ham sanitizer

What do they call Peppa Pig in Germany?

*Brat*wurst.

What has the head of a dog, the body of a pig, and the legs of a spider?

My daughter's drawing of a snake.

What does the UK economy and dead pigs have in common?

The Tories love using both for their pump and dump schemes

Dirty Pig

Customer is disgusted when she sees a baker crimping a pie with his false teeth.
“Have you now got a tool for that job, you filthy pig”
“Yes, I use that for the doughnuts!!

A radio shock jock calls a prominent socialite a pig on his radio show and is sued for defamation . . .

He loses at trial and asks the judge "Does this means I can no longer call Mrs. Harris a pig?"

The judge replies "That's what it means"

The jock asks "Can I call a pig Mrs. Harris?"

The judge says "Yes, the First Amendment still allows that".

The jock turns to the plainti...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that a pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes?

Well, your mom’s did last night.

The pig with wooden legs

A man drove by a farm every day on his way to work, and he always saw a pig in the front yard.

One morning on his way in, he noticed the pig had a wooden leg. It was odd, but he put it out of his mind. A couple of weeks later, he saw the pig had a second wooden leg. No longer able to contain ...

A man walks into a movie theatre and sees a pig

Disgusted by the wild boar , the man asks : “why is there a pig in this movie theatre?”

The pig turns around- “I liked the book”

Why do you never see a pig in a tree?

Because pigs can't climb trees

A man was taken to court for calling an Honourable Minister a pig

It was his first offence and the Judge was in a good mood and decided to show mercy.

So he discharged him after warning him to desist from unguarded utterances in future.

The man removed his cap and thanked the benevolent Judge profusely. ''Thank you, your lordship."

He conti...

What do you get if you paint a pink pig mint-green?

A pigmint of your imagination.

what do you do when you see a severely injured pig that requires immediate medical attention ?

.
.
.
.


You call the hambulance.

where do pigs invest their money?

the slop market

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Farmers, a Pig and a Monkey

Three Farmers are raising a pig for the fair, trying to put their brains together to beat everyone else out. One of them gets the idea to put a cork in its butt, "if it can't poop it will get huge!" So they do this, and when the fair comes it's the biggest pig the county has ever seen and they win. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a Marine and a pig?

A pig won't stay up all night trying to fuck a Marine.

What do you call a pig that is cold and growling?

A Ham-Brrr-Grrr.


I made this joke when I was 11. I remember being super proud lol.

What would you call a potion brewing pig in the desert?

A ham sand witch.

Why did the pig cross the road?

Because the chicken told him to teargas protestors for a photo-op

Trump visits a pig farm.

Trump visited a pig farm and was photographed there. In a newspaper's office, a discussion is under way what should be the caption under the picture.

"President Trump among pigs," "President Trump and pigs," "Pigs around President Trump," -- all is rejected.

Finally the editor makes t...

A farmer takes his pigs to the breeder

A farmer one day decides he’d like to multiply his pigs but only has two sows, so he takes them to a farm a ways away with some impressive hogs to breed them with.

He gets there on the first day and after the deed is done he asks the other farmer “Say, how will I know it worked” to which the...

I'll tell you a weird story about a pig's behind, but...

I've got to warn you; it's a twisted tale.

(tail)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Jewish pigs walk into a diner

And they get seated at a booth. They're each peering through their menus when the waiter comes up to the table and says, "what'll it be fellas?"

The first pig says, "I'll have the blueberry pancakes. Extra butter".

The second pig says, "I'll have the fish and chips. Hold the tartar s...

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