What are Mexican proteins made of?

Amigo-acids

My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats

"That's nuts!" I exclaimed.

What do bodybuilders say when they run out of protein?

No whey!

The Mandalorian fell on hard times and had to take a job in a body building and health food shop. Turns out he was unexpectedly great at it and smashed the commission targets. He'd just direct people to the protein powder section, and say...

..."This is the whey"



(Sorry)

I had a falling out with my friend over a protein powder

We decided to go our separate wheys

What do call a Hispanic fella that ran out of protein powder?

No-whey Jose.

A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.

When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.

I asked my Mandalorian friend if his protein powder was soy, and he answered:

“This is the whey.”

A man walks into a juice bar and orders a smoothie. The Mexican behind the counter says "would you like to add any milk protein?"

The man responds, "No whey Jose."

I learned the Mandalorian stays ripped by drinking his own brand of protein powder.

This Is The Whey

What do you call an Arab man who drinks protein supplements?

A Protein Sheikh....

Why was the protein powder maker never satisfied with his work?

He always kept looking for new wheys to improve

What is the opposite of a protein?

An amateur teen ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who’s run out of protein?

No whey Jose.

I bought a protein shake the other day

and couldn’t get it open :/

The doctor said I need to reduce the amount of protein in my diet.

I have to change the way I meatin'

Bodybuilder: is there somewhere I can get protein shake around here?

Satan:There is no whey in hell, dude.

What did the body builder say when someone stole all his protein powder?

No Whey! Not a gain!

I hate playing poker with proteins

All they do is fold!

My personal trainer told me to drink a protein shake everyday at 3 in the morning.

But that's whey past my bedtime.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor put me on an extremely strict diet of fruit, vegetables, and protein.

My wife’s totally behind it, but I’m allowed one cheat-day so on Mondays when we go to her family’s I nip out into the orchard and fuck her sister.

Weightlifting forums are the worst when it comes to getting information and advice on protein.

There's always some meathead a-hole that has to whey in.

My nutrition store ran out of protein powder today

I was like “no whey”!

I was going to buy a load of whey protein powder today.

It's always better to buy it in bulk.

My love life is a lot like a protein bar

I'm typically the better option, but everyone chooses junk food instead of me

Two dead bodybuilders meet each other in hell

Dude 1: Hey there man, you know where I can get a protein shake around here?


Dude 2: There’s no whey in hell

The Mexican instructor at the gym knew a lot about protein supplements.

So one day, I approached him and said,

"Jesus, show me the whey."

Protein shakes are really expensive....

Whey expensive.

What do you call a 12 year old protein?

A pretein

I was at the grocery store deciding if I should buy a $40 jug of whey protein

So I asked my friend, to which he replied:"Just btw"

I feel really bad for the Mexican Olympian disqualified from weightlifting for excessive use of protein.

They told him, "No whey, José."

Someone asked me if I wanted a protein bar.

I said no Whey.

what do you call it when you use milk to make protein drinks?

Milky-Whey.

Forgot to bring my protein powder to the gym today

Guess I should've prepared whey in advance

What do landlords contribute to society?

A great source of protein

I'll never run out of protein powder

There'd be no whey!

My lifting buddy was shocked when I told him that we were out of protein powder.

He said "No whey!"

I'll be here all night.

My friend told me he can’t drink milk. I asked him if he is lactose intolerant. He said he is actually allergic to the milk protein.

I said “No whey!”

I can't believe plant-based protein powder exists

There's no whey

What's the difference between a hormone and any other protein?

My fingers can't make any other protein.

Does anyone believe the bodybuilder who claims he never used protein suppliments?

No whey.

Teacher asked us today, "What is the difference between a hormone and a protein?"

You can't hear a protein.

(Wait for it)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a fitness blog and a porn site?

One's all about proteins, whilst the other is more about amateur teens

A man smokes some weed and goes to buy some protein powder

He gets to the store but realizes that protein powder is super expensive. He decides to steal it, as it was a high whey robbery

A bodybuilder drops his protein shake

Everyone in the gym shouts "Wheyyyyy"

Why do bodybuilders get huge when they consume protein?

Because they eat whey too much

My roommate seemed like he was in denial when I told him I spilled all his protein powder...

...he just kept saying "no whey, no whey"

How do you know you're drinking too many protein shakes?

You've had whey too much!

I found a spider in my protein powder today

I politely asked him to get out of my whey.

What is the top selling protein with Jewish People (May be offensive)

YahWhey

What do you call a protein that has anger management issues?

Amino acid!

Some African animals playing cards in Las Vegas.

Lion: Stop taking extremely quick glances at my card, you're a cheetah!

Cheetah: No, your Lion!

Warthog: You guys are just ignoring the guy with the super long nose who can suck up cards while nobody notices.

Elephant: Well I wouldn't be so hungry for cards if you weren't HOGGIN...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Party

After his divorce, Jeff rented a cabin in Montana for the summer to write his first novel. He got up each morning, made coffee, and would go outside and sit by a stream before going back in and writing all day. One August afternoon he was startled by a knock on the door.

“Hey,” said the man....

What did the one protein drink say to the other protein drink?

I'd best be on my whey.

Unhealthy food

So the guy goes to the doctor, says he doesn't feel all to good. The doc poked him a bit, measured his pulse and stuff, and finally gave him a questionnaire about his diet.

So he reads about his last week's menu.
- Red meat? You can't have that much red meat! You know how much saturated f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Herodotus was a vlogger

It's ya boi Herodotus back atch ya with another travlog!

So, I was in Delphi, and man, they be real mad with em Spartans.

Not taking sides, just my 2 Drachmae. Maybe my Athenian homies should've toned down their backstabbing a little bit, so that those Spartan hunks didn't have to canc...

Friday Lunch


Oh lunch how I long for you so
Quickly to noon i hopeith this day go
I have been preparing for your flavor since your conception last night
Merely your presence at my feet brings delight

Turkey, cheese, horseradish oh my
My only regret is that you're not perched on ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I went to get a protein snack in Iraq...

But they only had fucking allahu akbars

[Long] A body builder was showing off in the mirror at his gym.

Able to lift twice the weight of anyone else around, he routinely boasted about how he was the greatest and everyone else was beneath him while drinking his huge container of protein shake.

One day, after seeing a new extremely attractive woman at the gym, he decided to show off some more by...

Men are more susceptible to the covid19 coronavirus

Men could be more susceptible to Covid-19 because testicular tissue generates proteins the virus likes to latch onto.

It's got you by the balls.

A redhead, brunette and blonde woman are walking aimlessly through an endless desert

The redhead said to the others, "I'm glad we all were smart and brought one item that will help us stay safe if we get lost in the desert. I brought a big canteen of water as mine. If I get thirsty, I'll have that to drink."

The brunette then chimes in and says, "great idea! For my one item, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is common between a porn actress and the covid virus

They love to be covered in protein.

Two bros were chatting it up at the gym between sets.

1: hey bro, you won’t believe it.
2: what, bro?
1: someone stole all my protein powder
2: no whey!

Some guys wake up and pump iron...

I wake up and pump protein.

Told my wife that this afternoon after getting lucky this morning. I think her eyes rolled into the back of her head.

I'll probably be working out solo for a while.

An aging hotel inspector was performing his final inspection on a luxury hotel before his retirement.

He had arrived at the joint the day before, and had already slept in a room to analyze how clean and comfortable they were. When he had woken up, he went into the bathroom to check its functionality and cleanliness, and continued on to the main dining hall after.

Upon arrival, he saw they we...

My girlfriend said we should experiment more in the bedroom

This morning we synthesised a new protein chain

What did the Arab leader drink every day to build muscle mass?

A protein sheikh.

Nerdy cell pickup lines

- These were some of my biology notes from freshman year. I actually remembered the functions from these jokes

Are u a golgi apparatus? Cause I need help processing my feelings for u

Are we proteins in a golgi apparatus? Cause we’re being shipped

I hope you aren’t a controsome c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a vulture who had a rebellious son.

He would preen his feathers so they stood up, hang out with raccoons, and generally be a nuisance to the rest of the flock. Thinking that it was just a phase, his father didn't worry too much about it and hoped that one day his son would grow up.

However, one day his son came home with terrib...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife calls her scientist husband...

"Honey.. Its Saturday.. you're late..."

"I'm busy with my team in an experiment"

"Whats that?"

"We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH with ambiant temperature H2O and aqueous CO2. To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O, now while waiting for som...

What’s the best part about having a vegan girlfriend?

Nuts are her favorite source of protein

TIFU by trying to be witty at the airport...

The TSA confiscated my protein powder asking "Are you planning on building any bombs with this substance?"

I replied "No, only guns."

Some engineers were arguing about God.

One says, "God was clearly a mechanical engineer. Just look at the structure of the bones, how they're shaped to carry their loads without wasted weight, how the joints interlock to give free movement, how the muscles are optimally placed as actuators with the best leverage."

The second repli...

A Russian spy meets the minister of defence...

The Russian minister of defence calls Boris Morozov, the best spy in Russia, to infiltrate the American army and find out why they excel so much in combat.

"Understood" says Boris. " I will infiltrate the US army for a year and then I will come back to motherland with findings"

And so...

Why is it called a prion?

Because "protein" got misspelled when it was folded the wrong way.

What's the other word for meatball?

Protein sphere

A guy walks into a coffee shop

He orders a coffee. The barista asks him if he'd like milk or cream. He responds "I'm allergic to the protein in milk." The barista replies "No whey?"

Sean Bean is walking down the street

Heard you guys like long OC.

 

Sean Bean is walking down the street, enjoying his Sunday night. Suddenly, a black paneled van pulls up next to him. Four massive dudes in ski masks wearing all black leap out and try to grab him. Sean remembers his GoT training and manages to ta...

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