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Tofu Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do tofu and a dildo have in common?

They’re both meat substitutes

"Make me one with everything," says the Buddhist to the tofu hot dog vendor.

Then, after getting his tofu hot dog, the Buddhist hands the vendor a $20 bill.

The vendor takes the money and begins helping the next customer.

The Buddhist looks puzzled and asks the vendor, "Where is my change?"

The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."

I was having lunch a few minutes ago and I realized tofu is overrated.

It’s just a curd to me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between dildos and tofu?

I can put a dildo in my mouth without gagging.

When vegans get into an argument is it still called beef?

I have no idea. But if it gets physical, all vegans know the art of foot karate.

They call it tofu.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy dreams of one day working at his favorite sandwich shop.

And so, he asks the owner if he could see how the sandwiches are made. Delighted, the owner shows him how he grinds his own peanut butter, prepares his own pickles and even whips up his own mayonnaise. The boy is so excited that he blurts out his deepest wish--to see how the owner makes his signatu...

I have this horrible tofu joke I'm afraid to post...

It's really tasteless.

Why did the tofu cross the road?

To prove it wasn't chicken. >:|

My Hispanic friend in the Navy is allergic to tofu

He’s a no soy marinero

How did the vegetarian quit smoking?

He went cold tofu.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between tofu and a dildo?

A dildo can be used in place of meat in a satisfactory manner.

The same can't be said about tofu.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does tofu and a dildo have in common?

They’re both for fucking pussies.



(This post was for u/raynir44)

I like making jokes about vegetarians...

but never about tofu, that's just tasteless.

Little Ken Fok grew up working hard in his father’s restaurant in China

Every day before school he would get up at 6am and help prepare the dishes for that days lunch before coming home from school at 4pm to help with the evening shift by preparing and serving customers. He would make Spicy crab cakes, shredded pork and tofu. He would work until midnight and then repeat...

What martial art is done using only your feet?

**Tofu**

What form of deadly martial arts are soybeans trained in?

Tofu

I heard that Hillary Clinton is actually made of tofu.

She's white, bland, uninspiring and not tasty unless dipped in melty cheese.

Vegans don't beat their meat

They beat their "0% dairy all organic tofu"

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