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Tofu Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do tofu and a dildo have in common?

They’re both meat substitutes

"Make me one with everything," says the Buddhist to the tofu hot dog vendor.

Then, after getting his tofu hot dog, the Buddhist hands the vendor a $20 bill.

The vendor takes the money and begins helping the next customer.

The Buddhist looks puzzled and asks the vendor, "Where is my change?"

The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between dildos and tofu?

I can put a dildo in my mouth without gagging.

I was having lunch a few minutes ago and I realized tofu is overrated.

It’s just a curd to me.

Why did the tofu cross the road?

To prove that it was not chicken.

What's a good brand name for a tofu sausage?

Not dog

My Hispanic friend in the Navy is allergic to tofu

He’s a no soy marinero

I have this horrible tofu joke I'm afraid to post...

It's really tasteless.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does tofu and a dildo have in common?

They’re both for fucking pussies.



(This post was for u/raynir44)

When vegans get into an argument is it still called beef?

I have no idea. But if it gets physical, all vegans know the art of foot karate.

They call it tofu.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy dreams of one day working at his favorite sandwich shop.

And so, he asks the owner if he could see how the sandwiches are made. Delighted, the owner shows him how he grinds his own peanut butter, prepares his own pickles and even whips up his own mayonnaise. The boy is so excited that he blurts out his deepest wish--to see how the owner makes his signatu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between tofu and a dildo?

A dildo can be used in place of meat in a satisfactory manner.

The same can't be said about tofu.

How did the vegetarian quit smoking?

He went cold tofu.

What form of deadly martial arts are soybeans trained in?

Tofu

I heard that Hillary Clinton is actually made of tofu.

She's white, bland, uninspiring and not tasty unless dipped in melty cheese.

What martial art is done using only your feet?

**Tofu**

I like making jokes about vegetarians...

but never about tofu, that's just tasteless.

Vegans don't beat their meat

They beat their "0% dairy all organic tofu"

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