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Lottery Winner Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saul, the Jewish Lottery Winner

So Saul, a 90-year-old Jew, wins the $300 million lottery. He's at the news conference to accept the check, and the reporters ask him if there's anyone he'd like to thank.

"Yes," he says solemnly. "I'd like to thank my brother Eli for lending me the $5 to buy the ticket, and my brother David...

Lottery winner

Man comes home from work yelling honey honey I just won the lottery pack your bags.

Wife yells down what am I packing for the beach, the mountains, a cruise.

He yells back up. I don't care just get the hell out

Lottery winner

Husband gets home in a very good mood. He calls his wife and says:

\- Woman, pack your bags! You're going on a trip! I won the lottery!!!

\- Oh honey, that's fantastic!! But what kind of clothes should I pack for this trip? For warm weather, cold weather?

\- It doesn't matter, a...

A lottery winner decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse and goes to a high end stable.

"I'm not really sure which kind I want," he tells the owner.

"Well, it depends on what you want them to do," the owner says. "Over here, we have a Type A horse - good workers, but temperamental. Back there eating hay you have a Type B horse - mostly good for companionship."

"That soun...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lottery Winner!

A woman whips her car into the driveway, rushes inside and yells upstairs to her husband, “Hey, pack your bags! I hit the lottery!”
He yells down, “No shit? What should I pack, mountain clothes or beach clothes?” She says, “I don’t care what you pack. Just get the hell out!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Lottery Winner

So I had sex with a millionaire a few months ago. She actually won the money from a scratch off. Now there’s something that money does to people in bed that you wouldn’t expect, they get rougher. Maybe they figure “if I kill the guy I can just pay his family off”. But no she got very rough. She kept...

A lottery winner celebrates by buying himself a Rolls-Royce and membership of the local golf club.

Obviously when he gets the car he has to drive it straight round to the golf club and make sure all the members get to see it, and he's ostentatiously buying drinks for the whole bar but sticking to lemonade himself because he's "got to drive the Roller home later, you know", and when it's time to g...

Why do lottery winners always go bankrupt?

Because if they knew anything about managing money, they wouldn't be playing the lotto in the first place!

- Anthony Jeselneck

My wife likes to say marrying me was like winning the lottery...

I like to remind her that most lottery winners blow their winnings.

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