What prize should the inventor of the knock knock jokes get?

The Nobell prize

A farmer is being interviewed on TV about his prize-winning cows.

The interviewer asks, "So tell us, what are you feeding these cows?"

"The black ones or the white ones?" the farmer replies.

"Uh... the black ones."

"Oh," says the farmer, "I feed them grass."

"Ok then, what about the white ones?"

"I feed them grass, too" the farme...

r/Jokes founder nominated for the Nobel peace prize

Because they’ve created world’s most dedicated recycling community.

A woman meets Syd the Stud in a bar.

They talk. They connect. They end up leaving together.


They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft,sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hu...

What prize does someone get if they haven’t moved a muscle in over a year?

A trophy.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were standing looking at a prize cow in a field.

The Englishman says “Look at that fine English cow.” The Irishman disagreed, saying “No, it’s an Irish cow.”
The Scotsman thought for a moment and then clinched the argument. “No, it’s a Scottish cow – it’s got bagpipes underneath”.

I once lost a raffle where the prize was the entire mall of Georgia.

I guess you can't win a mall.

Did you hear about the Farmer who won a Nobel prize?

He was outstanding in his field.

Did you hear that Trump has been nominated for a Nobel Prize?

He gave Peas a chance.

A Nobel Prize winning mathematician is traveling from university to university on a speaking tour by limousine.

A Nobel Prize winning mathematician is traveling from university to university on a speaking tour by limousine. After several engagements the mathematician and his driver are having dinner and the driver says "I've heard your speech so many times I think I could give it word-for-word." The mathemati...

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So a farmer wakes up one morning and looks out the window and sees his prize rooster laying in the middle of the barnyard stiff as a board with buzzards circling overhead.

With his only rooster dead, he decides to go to the market to buy a new rooster. At the market he sees a stall with a very nice looking rooster and he asks the seller how much he wants for the rooster and the seller tells him $1000. The farmer is absolutely shocked at this price, but the seller tell...

What do you call two Scottish potatos who have just recived a rock as a prize?

Kilt tubers with won stone.

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There's a penis beauty competition taking place in New York. The total prize pool is $10,000.

Wiener takes all.

Why wasn't 6 excited that 7 won a prize for her?

Because 711452.

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A radio station was running a competition – words that weren’t in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali...

DJ: “96 FM here, what’s your name?”

Caller: “Hi, my name’s Dave.”

DJ: “Dave, what’s your word?”

Caller: “Goan... spelt G-O-A-N.”

DJ: “You are correct, Dave, ‘goan’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make se...

What prize did the man win for his pants falling down?

The no belt peace prize.

A friend told me that she won second prize in table-setting

I asked her, “you placed silver where?”

My grandfather died and I inherited some of his clothes.

He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.

For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens o...

Congratulations to Tu Youyou on winning the Nobel Prize in Medicine

and for being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to.

What's the only prize that Gaston won in Beauty and the Beast?

The No Belle prize.

A Grand Prize

I phoned my local radio station today.

When the guy answered the phone he said, "Congratulations on being our 1st caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win our grand prize."

"Wahoo!" I shouted in delight.

"It's a Maths question," he said. "Feeling...

Irish Humor

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife !"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night ! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did...

Why do scarecrows win so many Nobel prizes?

Because they’re always out standing in their field.

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A zookeeper notices his prize gorilla was getting aggressive..

She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. And she constantly kept trying to attack the zookeeper. So, he did some research and found out female gorillas can become depressed and aggressive when deprived from sex.

The zookeeper then looked around for another male gorilla for her to engage in inte...

My brother won a prize for staying in a hospital bed for a really long time.

He got a trophy.

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A physicist recently won a Nobel Prize...

Over the course of the next few weeks he is welcomed to many ceremonies and events as a guest speaker.

On the way to the next event at Caltech University, he rehearses his speech again. During a pause, his driver says "You know I've heard your speech so many times I pretty much can recite it...

If you were to choose between winning the big lottery prize and your wife

what car would you buy?

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A nun buys a donkey and enters it in a local horse race

Remarkably, the donkey is incredibly quick and manages to win. The local paper reads *Local nun has winning ass*.

She enters it into a second race, and again it wins. The local paper reads *Nun has best ass in town*.

The priest is annoyed by these headlines, but the prize money is seri...

Nobel Prize

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of nothing but grass.

He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing absolutely nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of ...

Why Marie Curie won two Nobel Prizes?

Because she was very rad.

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A guy came up to me in the street today...

...and asked me if I wanted to enter a raffle for cancer?

I thought, "what a shit prize..."

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to anothe...

What was the prize for the body builder who went the longest time without working out?

aTrophy

My wife just accused me of having never achieved anything in life because of my addiction to board games.

I think she must have forgotten that time I won second prize in a beauty contest. . .

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A man invites a friend to watch his prize duck hunting dog at work...

They approach the first pond, the dog runs ahead into the brush. He comes back and waves his tail once. The owner tells his friend that this means there is one duck on the pond. They walk up, and sure enough, one duck flies off.

At the second pond, the dog waves his tail three times. The owne...

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Guy walks into a bar, sign says Win Grand Prize $10,000, ask the bartender

So the guy asks. The bartender says, you have to do three things: first you have to whip the bar back's ass he's 6'3 and 250 pounds. Next you have to go down in the basement and pull a sore tooth out of my Rottweilers mouth. Lastly, you have to go upstairs and fuck my grandmother and she's 97 years ...

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A cop pulls over a driver...

A cop pulls over a driver and says that because he was wearing his seatbelt he had just won $1,000 in a safety competition.

“What are you going to do with the prize money?” the officer asked.

The man responded “I guess I’ll go to driving school and get my license.”

At that momen...

Why did the farmer win the Nobel Prize?

There was a clerical error. The award was intended to go to Malala Yousafzai for her advocacy work for education for young girls.

Why is gaston the smartest disney character?

He won a no-belle prize

If you eat the prize from a cereal box..

does that make you a specially marked box?


source: soos says some words

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Did you hear about the hunter who traded a prize deer for a high class prostitute?

He got the best bang for his buck

I went to a space museum, because they where having a prize drawing for a car.

I didn't win the car but they gave me a constellation prize.

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A rich man threw a mansion party

It was of extravagant proportions. Hundreds of guests filled his enormous abode to mingle and drink with glee. During the festivities the rich man gathered everyone to the backyard.

“Come! I have something to show you all! As well as a challenge!”

His curious (also drunk) flock followe...

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Did you hear Victoria entered a boxing tournament where the grand prize was a sex change?

I heard she came out the Victor

Why did Alexander Graham Bell never receive a nobel prize?

Because it's a "no bell" prize.

Amazon Drones

got approved for commercial delivery in Virginia, Known locally as "Skeet shooting with prizes!"

The creator of the 'knock knock' joke was awarded a prize today

Unfortunately he wasn't in to receive it

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. Bu...

Nobel Prize winners are a lot like farmers

Oftentimes they are outstanding in their field.

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First prize in the synagogue lottery

Rabbi announces 3rd prize in the synagogue lottery goes to Mr. Schwartz - an all-expense paid trip to Hawaii. Applause all around for Mr. Schwartz.

Rabbi announces 2nd prize goes to Mr. Litvak - a chocolate cake.

Well, Litvak goes nuts - says WTF - for 3rd prize Schwartz goes to H...

Did you hear about the prize for the Amish children's cooking competition?

Whichever kiddo makes the best egg dish gets to keep the Amlet omelet amulet

The Door Prize

Olie went to the neighborhood dance, and he won the big door prize. It was a toilet brush. So he took it home.

A few days later some friends of Olie asked him "Hey Olie how is that toilet brush working out for ya."

Olie said "Oh it works real good but I prefer toilet paper."

What did Orion receive when he won second place in the archery contest?

The constellation prize.