18 year old Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree.

Her mom responded, “Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!” Maria replied, “See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!”

What do you call a couple who decided on a career together in retail after both having earned their Doctorates?

A Paradox!

Did you guys hear about the pachyderm who earned a Rhodes Scholarship?

He’s an Oxford llama

What do you call a Mongol leader who swindles people out of their hard earned cash?

Ghengis Khan Man.

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I was driving down a country road when I saw a sign: "Talking Dog For Sale."

I drove another mile before I turned around. A talking dog? Really?

I pulled up a gravel laneway and parked next to the barn. An old farmer was working on his tractor.

"Excuse me," I said, "but I couldn't help but notice your sign. Is it true you have a talking dog for sale?"

"Y...

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US Government Business Policy

It is the month of June, on the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.


Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.


He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro no...

I earned an Oscar for being the best producer.

He was born and named yesterday after my long fight against fertility.

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The...

Stuttering Bible Salesman

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who wo...

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch. The first bull growled, "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows!" The second bull snorted, "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows!"

The third grunted in agreement, "I've only been here a year and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows!"

Just then, an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen.

At 4,70...

A large study shows that educational achievement and earned income strongly correlated with height.

A study carried out among hundreds of elementary school classes showed the tallest person in the room almost always had the highest income and education level.

So this guy goes to a confectioner... (long)

(A confectioner makes objects out of candy or chocolate, in case you didn't know)

So this guy goes to a confectioner, placing an order for a VW Beetle made from chocolate. Scale, 1:32

"That won't be cheap" the confectioner says. "Money's no issue" the customer replies. "And it'll take ...

“Wonder Woman” earned $300 million worldwide in first week.

"Wonder Man" earned $400 million for doing the same job.

Disabled people have earned the word “special.” Special needs, special school and special requirements...

So it always alarms me when I hear special forces going to war!

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What do you call a male prostitute's pay?

Hard earned money.

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An Australian guy with an alligator walks into a bar.

He goes up to the bar, sets the alligator on the counter and asks for a free drink. Bartender tells him "Sorry, we don't do free drinks here." Aussie says "What if I showed you a trick? " Bartender tells him "It will need to be a really cool trick if you want to earn a free drink."

So, the Au...

Accountant: So you didn’t have traditional income most of the year but your investments and holdings still earned you $9,000,000

**Papa John:**

**Accountant:** 831,000 pizzas. You’ll owe about $2,800,000 in taxes

**Papa John:** And that's...

**Accountant:** *(sighs)* 258,000 pizzas

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This is a traditional Scottish joke. I heard it from my dad, he heard it from his dad, and he had it shouted at him by a guy called Johnny Glue-bag

There was once a Russian wrestler with the stage name Ivan the Terrible. His name was well earned for every man who stepped into the ring with him would be killed. He had two infamous moves: the half pretzel which would cripple you for life and the full pretzel which would break your neck and kill y...

An elderly couple named Bill and Helen went to the county fair each year.

One year, a man at the fair was giving helicopter rides for 50 dollars. Having never been in a helicopter in all his years, Bill begged Helen to let them ride. She refused, quipping "50 bucks is 50 bucks."

The following year, the man was there again, and again Bill begged for a ride. Again H...

Some losses may be your gain

An unemployed man applies for a job as a toilet cleaner at a large computer company and takes an appointment for an interview with the company's manager.

During the interview, the manager told the unemployed person: You have been accepted for the job.

But we need your email to send you...

My boss told me he's not going to pay me if I keep having erections at work

I told him that's my hard-earned money

Donald J. Trump has been impeached

Finally, something he's earned

How do you call the money earned by a sewage company?

Gross Profit.

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A Laotian businessman opened a small shop in London.

He was very quiet and diligent with his bookkeeping. He always made sure to help out his employees when he could, typically hiring other Laotian immigrants in the area who were struggling to find work.

Among these employees was a group of three friends from Surrey. Although they were rowdy an...

Somalia swept the Olympic sailing podium

They earned gold, silver, and bronze despite starting the event with one entry

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I saw a fellow on the street begging for change.

After two hours, he got up, walked down some quiet street and hopped into his Range Rover. I pursued him. I tapped on the window before he drove off.

"I saw what you were doing," I told him. "Taking advantage of naïve people and stealing their hard-earned money."

"Yea," he replied. "An...

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A penny saved is a penny earned....

...but a penny earned isn't anything to fucking brag about

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A young and an old banker were talking to each other.

The old banker tells the tips and tricks of being a banker to the young one

"Look son, to be successul at this job, it is not enough to seize the opportunity, sometimes you'll need to create the opportunity too. Look now, there is a pile of dog turd a few yards in front of us, it is most prob...

3 men enter heaven together

Upon entering, they are greeted by god. God tells them that they will receive a vehicle, however the quality and value of the vehicle will vary based on how frequently they cheated on their wife. So the first man says “I never cheated once in my life” god inspects him and finds this out to be true. ...

A young kid came back from school and learned a new way to earn money from his friends..

He simply had to say to anyone close to him:

“I know everything.”

And that will reward him with money!

The kid first went to his father, he approach him and said “Dad, I know everything.” His dad’s eyes widened and quickly gave him 100$ and said “Shh. Don’t tell anyone please.”....

I recently earned 5 times the money I earned before

5x0=0

My life ambition is to have a lot of karma on Reddit.

Unfortunately, it is a hard job. I tried doing it alone first, leaving insightful comments and making quirky posts - but I had no luck. So I decided to ask for advice.

First, I went to a wise guru who had a thousand karma. And I asked him, "Oh wise guru, how do you have so much karma?"
...

Three people die and appear before Buddha

Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads.

-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though.

One of the people takes a step forward a...

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A lone traveler needed to stop and wait out a storm.

A lone traveler needed to stop and wait out a storm. She came across a church settled near the top of a mountain far away from civilization, and decided to ask for them to lend hospitality to her. A nun greeted her at the entrance when she approached the church, and lead her inside. There, she was g...

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