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My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but he wasn’t awarded the gold medal.

The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.

Why were the wives of a polygamist awarded a degree in physics?

For splitting an Adam.

What is a Pirate's favorite letter?

The one from the General Manager telling him he's been traded to the Mets.



Thanks to everyone who awarded this post! You're so kind .

A medieval king was hunting in Africa. He killed a lion, an elephant, and a hippopotamus, and awarded the skins to his three squires back home in his kingdom. Thus, the three squires became known as the Lion Squire, the Elephant Squire, and the Hippo Squire.

As the years passed, the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire became very jealous of the Hippo Squire because they wanted the hippo skin too. So, they hatched a plan to assassinate the Hippo Squire and divide the hippo skin between them equally.

Now the Lion Squire had eight sons, and the Elep...

Showerthoughts sub has a new sub for its highest awarded posts but it’s NSFW

r/Goldenshowerthoughts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is driving around the back woods and he sees a sign in front of a broken down, shanty-style house: Talking Dog For Sale. He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?" The Lab looks up and says,

"Well, I ...

A contest in South Korea awarded a small amount of money for a large item of food...

A one ton wonton won ten won.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lawyer, a priest, and an engineer meet each week for a game of golf.

One day, they get stuck behind the slowest group of players they had ever seen. They were hitting the balls all over the place, getting stuck in just about every trap and patch of rough, and missing just about every putt.

Finally, the group gets frustrated and heads to the clubhouse to find ...

After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than him

“I don’t understand,” he complained to God. “I devoted my entire life to my congregation.”

God explained to him, “Our policy here in heaven is to reward results. Now, was your congregation well attuned to you whenever you gave a sermon?”

“Well,” the minister had to admit, “some in the ...

Three scientists were awarded the Nobel Prize for their work on black holes. The Trump Administration immediately objected

and said that research would should be directed towards white holes as well.

Son: | was awarded the Leslie Nielsen badge at school.

Me: What's that?


Son: A big building with lots of kids.

Did you hear about the chef that won an award for his chickpea recipe after he died?

It was awarded post hummus.

Why do dentists only want to be awarded with paper certificates?

They hate plaque buildup.

The DOJ Recently Awarded a $500k Grant to "Hookers for Jesus" (OC)

As Jesus stated during The Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5:16, "In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good twerks and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."

A French, a German and an Italian spy are captured one day.

The captors grab the French spy, take him to the next room and tie his hands behind a chair.They then proceed to torture him for 2 hours before he finally cracks, answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets.

The captors then grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair i...

The Lord said unto John, "Come forth and be awarded eternal life"

John came fifth and was awarded a toaster

What was the inventor of suspenders awarded for their discovery?

The no-belt prize.

If Trump were captain of the RMs Titanic

Captain Trump of the RMS Titanic:

There isn't any iceberg.
There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean.
The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon.
There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg.
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be ...

The laziest person award

There was an award ceremony for the laziest person in the world. Many lazy people came to the award show but nobody among them was awarded. Turns out the laziest person was too lazy to attend the award show.


So they went to the laziest persons house to give him the award in person. He wa...

If your surprised that Jeffrey Epstein commited suicide this morning

Imagine how surprised he must have been.

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