I can successfully predict the winners of every divorce case. Here is the list:

The lawyers.

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

Your Parents when you move out ;)

It's a mystery to me why men like trophy wives.

Their ears stick out and they have they've got the previous winners names tattooed down their backs.

The young male race horse came from a long line of winners and did wonderfully in workouts. In actual races, however, he proved a little too romantic, and could never quite bring himself to pass a mare. So one day the trainer went to him and told him he'd have to be neutered.

The young horse, knowing that it was either this or the glue factory, took it philosophically. After all, having the operation was almost a certain guarantee of a long and illustrious racing career. After a short recovery period, the horse was again run in workouts, and found to do as well as ever.<...

Wife asked me why I came so quickly,

I told her “winners never come last”.

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Saul, the Jewish Lottery Winner

So Saul, a 90-year-old Jew, wins the $300 million lottery. He's at the news conference to accept the check, and the reporters ask him if there's anyone he'd like to thank.

"Yes," he says solemnly. "I'd like to thank my brother Eli for lending me the $5 to buy the ticket, and my brother David...

What did the Russian Olympic medal winners prove?

There was Russian medaling.

In adultery there are no winners

But taking part is more important than winning

Do U want Super Bowl Tickets?? Read below.

IF YOU'RE INTERESTED... A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2021 Super Bowl, both box seats. He paid 11,500 each. It comes with ride to and from the airport, lunch, dinner and 400.00 bar tab. Also a back stage pass to the winners locker room. He didn't realize last year when he bought them, i...

I was at a party and there was a big bowl of mixed alcohol and fruit juice, with a long line of brain surgeons, rocket scientists, and Nobel prize winners all queuing up to drink it...

...I thought what a great punch line.

I'm going to sabotage the winners' tents in the next boy scouts competition...

I'll knock them down a peg or two

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Dad: “Participation trophies are bad. It rewards people for losing and is unfair to the winners.”

Me: *slowly takes down his confederate flag*

Winners write history

And losers like to point this out

My wife likes to say marrying me was like winning the lottery...

I like to remind her that most lottery winners blow their winnings.

What's the only place where quitters are winners?

Rehab

Why are all immigrants to Finland winners?

Because they all crossed the Finnish line.

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Dark jokes Saturday: What is the most offensive brand name you can come up with? Winners get gold!

My contribution:

"Auschwitz" air freshener.

Why do lottery winners always go bankrupt?

Because if they knew anything about managing money, they wouldn't be playing the lotto in the first place!

- Anthony Jeselneck

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The Lottery Winner

So I had sex with a millionaire a few months ago. She actually won the money from a scratch off. Now there’s something that money does to people in bed that you wouldn’t expect, they get rougher. Maybe they figure “if I kill the guy I can just pay his family off”. But no she got very rough. She kept...

What's the difference between the Special Olympics and the 2020 US election?

~~Everyone cheers the winners of the Special Olympics.~~

Venue.

Thankfully in divorce court, there is always two winners!

The lawyers.

I really hope there are no Golden Globe winners

working in the Flat Earth Society.

The poor father of a Chef sees an ad in the local newspaper: "Come visit the Carnival and see our newest attraction, the Great Winged Monster!"

So the man makes his way down to the Carnival and pays the $2.00 admission price to get inside.

While inside the Carnival grounds he walks around, seeing ads for rides, games, food, and even shows! After a couple hours he finally sees it, a sign outside an obscure looking tent saying 'Great ...

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The winners write the history books...

I guess the prize for winning is a boring-ass job?

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