UPJOKE
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Title Jokes

If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 Harry Potter books, it spells out a secret message

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a good title for necrophilia porn?

Good mourning.

Old McDonald had to hire a manager for the farm. The manager asked, "What's my title?"

McDonald said, "You're the C I E I O."

One word of this title is incorrect.

And when you've realized it, you'll agree that it's not right at all.

And then you'll give this post an angry upvote.

Thanks.

Book Title: Fifty Yard Dash to the Outhouse

Written by: Wilie Makeit

Illustrated by: Betty Wont

Other books in the series:

Yellow River by I.P. Freely

Rusty Bedsprings by I.P. Nightly

Put the punchline in the title.

How do you ruin a joke?

I wanted to see that new movie titled "Constipated"

It hasn't come out yet.

Okay, we need a title for our fantasy novel involving dragons. Any ideas?

…Dragon?

It can’t just be Dragon.

Umm… Cragon?

No, that’s awful. Come on, think harder.

Umm…. Eragon?

….Bingo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Title+title

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said: "That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair." the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister: "My monkey has grown ha...

I bought a book titled “How to Solve Half Your Problems.”

I read it twice, now I’m problem free.

TIL the lead singer of Chumbawumba is married to a champion breakdancer. She had to give up dancing when she fell pregnant but, only three months after giving birth, successfully defended her title at the World Championship.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

As soon as he clicked on the title...

...he realized that someone was narrating him while he was browsing reddit.
He chuckled and left an upvote, ready to read some more reposted jokes.

If I ever write a on how to become a ventriloquist, I would title it:

Ventriloquism for dummies.


Credit to u/Mezz7778

If a vegetable wrote an erotic asphyxiation help guide, what would it be titled?

Idk if this joke works. I’m workshopping it

If a vegetable wrote an erotic asphyxiation help guide, what would it be titled?

“Art of choke me”

Movie titles sound a lot different when read sarcastically... example:

(Oh) Now You See Me

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Rejected porn titles. ( You can do this in the comments too. )

The grim deeper

Hole-y enlightenment

Sesame street after dark

Johnny johnny needs his sugar and milk

So there's this redditor that says part of the joke in the title

So there's this redditor that says part of the joke in the title,


then repeats it for no goddamn reason.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the title of Salman Rushdie's new book?

Buddha, you fat fuck.

Title that makes you click the post

A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and went to bed, he in the upper bunk and...

My ex-girlfriend hates being referred to by that title.

She says it's not appropriate for me to call my wife that.

Punchline in the title of a Reddit post

Yo mama so stupid she puts the…

Apparently this is a current Russian joke: What is the title of Tolstoy's main work?

It's "Special operation and peace".

Star Wars Episode 7-9 Titles Revealed

Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Sleeps For Five More Minutes

Star Wars Episode IX: The Force Is Late For Work

Title

Wife: had your lunch?

Husband: had your lunch?

Wife: im asking you

Husband: im asking you

Wife: are you copying me?

Husband: are you copying me?

Wife: let's go shopping

Husband: I ate my lunch

I saw a book on Amazon titled “How to Solve 50% of your life’s problems.”

Naturally I ordered two copies.

I got a great deal and paid only $6 for a book titled “100 Truly Disgusting Jokes.”

If you break it down per joke, I only paid for the author’s 6 cents of humor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why doesn't Putin take the title of Tsar?

He doesn't want to end up in a basement with all of his family.

So they just announced the title to the tenth fast and furious movie..

Fast10: Your Seatbelts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Seriously though, why can't you put the punchline in the title?

What do you say to piss off a redditor?

The Queen has given Andrew a new title...

The Nobody Formerly Known as Prince.

if a Marxist rewrote the tale of Robin of Locksley, he would title it...

Little Red Robin Hood.

insert title here

The men were smiling next to each other at Murphy’s pub in London
after a while, one bloke looks at the other and says,

“I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland”.

The other bloke responds proudly. “Yes, that I am!”

The first one says, <...

idk what to put the title as

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.........

The man decided to try it out at dinner.

Dad: Son, where were you during school hours?

Son: At school

*The robot slaps the son*

Son: OK! I was at my friend’s house watching a DVD

Dad: W...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Okay I'm going to reach back in my memory here and pull out an old Buddy Hackett jokes. If you've never heard of him before I'd suggest that you look him up on YouTube. He was in a few movies. The one I remember was was it's a mad mad mad mad world. I might have missed a mad or two on the title.

So I'm walking down the street one day. Minding my own business. When down the middle of the street. To Hurst came by. One following the other. Behind that, there was a man with the biggest dog I've ever seen in my life. And behind that it was like 97 guys, all with their wallet in their hand. So be...

What do you title a book about a Jewish girl brought back to life?

The Diary of Anne Frankenstein

I have an addiction to making references to random Bruce Willis movie titles. People have tried to help me stop but you know what they say. Old habits...

Pulp Fiction

A joke so absolutely filthy I can't put it in the title

Rio Olympics

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Describe your sex life using a movie title

Me : Gone in 60 Seconds

"An interesting title" doesn't sparks interest

Two men are walking down the street when they happen upon a dog licking his balls, The first man says " Boy, I wish I could do that" The second guy says" I tried once and he bit me".

What’s a movie whose title got deeper the longer you watched?

The Titanic.

An interesting title

In high school kids used to say i resembled a large bird so they would exclude me from activities.

I guess that would make me Ostrich-sized

You know, for a song titled, "Piano Man..."

The guy with the harmonica sure won't shut the hell up.

Are you good at avoiding clickbait titles?

Apparently not.

After having his title stripped and funds cut off by the Royal Family, Harry has taken up painting to supplement his income.

He’s the Artist formerly known as Prince.

The Priest said "The cars, the money, the titles... you can't take any of them with you"

So I got a tattoo

It bothers me more than it should when people put the first line of the joke in the title

It bothers me more than it should when people put the first line of the joke in the title then repeat it in the body of the post.

I wrote a book titled ‘Do Not Touch’.

Sales have done very well, except for the Braille prints.

More people would read books if publishers just added the phrase "In My Pants" to the end of every title.

War of the Worlds in My Pants

The Two Towers in My Pants

Great Expectations in My Pants

To Kill a Mockingbird in My Pants

Rising Strong in My Pants

title words

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbour. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ...

(Insert good title here)

Q:What is a books favorite breakfast?

A:A synonym roll!

First post

What's a better title for store greeter during the pandemic?

Bouncer!

Bad Children's Books Titles

Here are some bad children's books titles I found in my jokes archive. Can you think of others?

1. "You Were an Accident"
2. "Strangers Have the Best Candy"
3. "The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
4. "Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
5. "The Attention Deficit Disorder Assoc...

The walnut tree (idk what to put for title lol)

One day, Johnny and his friend Bobby walked into the cemetery. There were a lot of fallen walnuts from the walnut tree that they wanted to share. They started splitting them and Johnny said "One for you, one for me! One for you, one for me!"

At this time, a little boy was biking along the roa...

I just received an email titled $50 TO SEE JUSTIN BIEBER LIVE

I'm really the wrong person to email for these kind of ransoms.

I was really excited when I picked up a book titled “69 Mating positions”.

Turns out it was about chess.

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