An interesting title

In high school kids used to say i resembled a large bird so they would exclude me from activities.

I guess that would make me Ostrich-sized

I have an addiction to making references to random Bruce Willis movie titles. People have tried to help me stop but you know what they say. Old habits...

Pulp Fiction

After having his title stripped and funds cut off by the Royal Family, Harry has taken up painting to supplement his income.

He’s the Artist formerly known as Prince.

Bad Children's Books Titles

Here are some bad children's books titles I found in my jokes archive. Can you think of others?

1. "You Were an Accident"
2. "Strangers Have the Best Candy"
3. "The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
4. "Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
5. "The Attention Deficit Disorder Assoc...

I just bought a book titled "What They Don't Teach You About Computer Science"

Its literally just about anger management

The punchline in the title.

What ruins a possibly good post?

My sister came up with this. What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it

Post office

What I if told you

What if I told you you read the title wrong

I got a book titled ‘A Guide to Surgical Procedures’.

I opened it up and the appendix was missing.

title words

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbour. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ...

My local book shop had a sale on "1/3 off all titles"

I scored a pristine hardback copy of 'The Lion, The Witch'

Title that makes you click the post

A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and went to bed, he in the upper bunk and...

The walnut tree (idk what to put for title lol)

One day, Johnny and his friend Bobby walked into the cemetery. There were a lot of fallen walnuts from the walnut tree that they wanted to share. They started splitting them and Johnny said "One for you, one for me! One for you, one for me!"

At this time, a little boy was biking along the roa...

Are you good at avoiding clickbait titles?

Apparently not.

Ready to feel old? Smashing Pumpkins’ "1979" came out in 1995, with 16 years between the title and the year of release. If it were written today it would be called

“March, 2020.”

Too lazy for a title

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness

But if you find one let me know

I misread the title of "Come on Eileen".

Then I came in Eileen, now she's coming after me for child support.

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, a...

The title

Where's the best place to hide the punchline?

Danny kicked his way to the karate tournament title without throwing a single punch

Turns out he's a master of partial arts

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In a world where everyone wears their title, a shit-head decided he’d had enough.

He wanted to be more than what he was, but nobody would hire a shit-head.

One day he was in the building of a large corporation, and saw his opportunity. “If I remove the shit from my title, people will think I’m in charge.” He got to work pulling the letters off, one at a time, until they we...

If I Cuold Time Travel

I would fix the title.

What's the title of Jeffrey Dahmer's cookbook?

"Come To Think Of It..."

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(repost for changed title) Sexual acts and a good book are quite similar

The climax is usually the best part.

Yesterday I gave my food to a beggar.....

....and today the beggar gave me a book titled "HOW TO COOK".

(Insert good title here)

Q:What is a books favorite breakfast?

A:A synonym roll!

First post

An Intresting Title...

A Christian guy named Bill saw an ad online for a Christian horse, so he went to check it out.
The horse owner said, "It's easy to ride him. Just say 'Praise The Lord!' To make him go, and 'Amen' to make him stop." Bill got on his horse and said, "Praise The Lord!" Sure enough, the horse started ...

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If Prince Albert is when you pierce the head, what title does Albert get when the balls are pierced?

Baron

I was really excited when I picked up a book titled “69 Mating positions”.

Turns out it was about chess.

An interesting title

What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken Caesar salad

I DON'T HAVE AN INTERESTING TITLE

A young man (YM) walks into a pharmacy, greets the owner and go straight to where the condoms are stored. After 10 minutes the owner notice that the young man is still there and decide to go and see if he can help him. The owner sees that he seems a bit lost and ask if he need some advice.

YM...

More people would read books if publishers just added the phrase "In My Pants" to the end of every title.

War of the Worlds in My Pants

The Two Towers in My Pants

Great Expectations in My Pants

To Kill a Mockingbird in My Pants

Rising Strong in My Pants

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Some say if you can guess the punchline of a joke by the title on Reddit before clicking on it - that it's a rubbish joke...

Tits

Liam Neeson will star in a new thriller where he rescues the wrong woman

the film will be titled "Mistaken"

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Why did the screenplay writer title his project “Gametes”?

Because sex cells

Just A Funny Nothing else

What’s a video game title you can also call an anti-vax
Kid?



Half-Life

You are reading this title

You are reading this text.

And now, you are reading this text.

Book titles and authors: Don’t fall off the cliff

By Ilene Dover

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IF YOU SEE A LINK TITLED “JAMES CHARLES NUDE”, DON’T CLICK ON IT.

#IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR KEYBOARD ON PERMANENT CAPS LOCK.

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lot can happen in just 60 seconds

Thats the title of my sextape

I have no title

If you ever feel useless, just think about the mortgage feature on Monopoly deeds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The king of a country has planted a razor in the queen's vagina in order to find out which guard she is cheating with.

in the evening, while she is sleeping.

Next day comes, and he orders them to get undressed to check on their penises, and sees that each one's was cut except for a single one's. The king yells:

\- Finally, a loyal guard to his king and country! All of you traitors should have followed ...

Most people hate clickbait YouTube titles and thumbnails.

But this clickbait Reddit post is way worse.

Did you hear about the librarian that was killed in an earthquake?

She was crushed by a title wave.

If the punchline was in the title.

Mobile users would be much happier.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest, an atheist, and a monk walk into a bar.

~~A Catholic priest, a Buddhist monk, and an atheist walk into a restaurant~~

~~A Catholic priest, a Buddhist monk, and an atheist walk into a restaurant.~~

After they put in their orders, the three strike up a conversation about what they believe awaits them in the afterlife.

T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can jokes be sentimental?

A man is sitting next to the crib of his newborn baby. From the other room his father comes in and lays a hand on his shoulder.

"You did real good, son. You're going to make a great dad."

The son looks up and smiles with a bit of anxiety in his voice. "Thanks, Dad. I really hope so."...

If you receive an email with the title "DING DONG", do not open it!!!

It's the Jehovah's witnesses, working from home

My job title is "Thermal Generation Engineer for Recumbent Structural Apparatus."

I keep a chair warm.

Otherwise

You might think this post sucks.
But the title says otherwise

How Long is a Chinese Name

Now read the title again, without that question mark you added.

My buddy Frank is a HUGE fan of diarrhea. I was thinking of writing a book about him, but it looks like the title is already taken.

"The Diary of Anne Frank"

I visited the National Air and Space Museum.

I believe the title is misleading because it's actually full of stuff.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a habit of reading when I am travelling via train.

This one journey I was reading *Mein Kampf*.

Suddenly this one lady in the cabin caught sight of the title and immediately started a ruckus. She snapped at how inappropriate it is for someone in the modern age to read that regressive book. She even went on to call me a Nazi and continued rebu...

Kings have numbers in their titles, like III/the Third. How the Sixth King is written?

Viking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks:

"Book!"

The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter.

"Book,...

In 8th grade english class I wrote a script titled "The Pun"

The very first set description in the script said that the stage was to be painted over with random words and phrases.


When I handed in the assignment, my teacher came up to me and asked: "Why is your script titled 'The Pun' and why is the floor covered with phrases?"

"Because m...

An interesting title

A Policeman pulled
me over and said "Papers?"

So I said "Scissors"
and drove away.

I thought of an alternative title for john wick

Keanu grieves

Stupid joke in description, too short to split into title and desc

A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True story! A 55-year-old Walmart cashier winked at me as she handed back my change the other day.

People's Sexiest Man title, here I come.

I'm giving up drinking till christmas

Bad punctuation, can't edit title

I'm giving up. Drinking till Christmas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lone traveler needed to stop and wait out a storm.

A lone traveler needed to stop and wait out a storm. She came across a church settled near the top of a mountain far away from civilization, and decided to ask for them to lend hospitality to her. A nun greeted her at the entrance when she approached the church, and lead her inside. There, she was g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Nsfw)Went to pornhub the other day there was a lot of videos titled "bbc destroys teen"...

I don't know why the British Broadcasting Corporation is destroying the lives of teens..but I for one think it shows lack of journalistic integrity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Jazz Pianist

An Michelin star restaurant is looking for a pianist to entertain customers while they dine. The owner has been auditioning for weeks, but has had no luck finding someone suitable. One day, a guy called John comes in and says "Hi there, I'm here about the pianist position."

The manager repli...

You shuold be be able to edit titles

Edit: should

TIL the lead singer of Chumbawumba is married to a champion breakdancer. She had to give up dancing when she fell pregnant but, only three months after giving birth, successfully defended her title at the World Championship.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A painting of Custers last words

Two guys in a museum are looking at the same painting. One says to the other,
“what does that mean?” Refereeing to the painting in front of them showing underbrush, in the desert, with Indians copulating behind a bush. Top of painting showing Jesus on the cross.

“Its custards last words”...

Long title

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I was using my hand whilst thinking of you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irish daughter (Probably been posted before but still a favorite)

An Irish daughter had not been to the house for over five years. Upon her return, her father cussed her out, "Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you put...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boris is talking to his friend, upset about his title.

I’ve patched a thousand roofs, but do they call me Boris the Roof Patcher? No.


I’ve made an entire army’s worth of swords and shields, but do they call me Boris the Blacksmith? No.


But you fuck ONE goat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Describe your sex life using a movie title

Me : Gone in 60 Seconds

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man on an airplane notices this very attractive blonde sitting next to him... (Long)

As the flight begins she removes a book from her bag and starts to read. The man immediately notices the title; "Confessions of a Nymphomaniac" and he's instantly transfixed.

After a few moments, she pauses her reading to take a drink and the man seizes his opportunity... "so" he says, "I ju...

As soon as he clicked on the title...

...he realized that someone was narrating him while he was browsing reddit.
He chuckled and left an upvote, ready to read some more reposted jokes.

Maybe the song "It's Raining Men" wouldn't have been as popular had they used the original demo title:

"Corpse Storm."

A powerlifter recently set the world record for bench press after losing it a year ago. When asked how he felt after regaining his title, he said

“It’s a huge weight off my chest.”

Titles are hard

*context* I work in a fruit and veg shop. I told this joke to all of the people doing fruit. I think I need a new job

What's the opposite of a mandarin?

A mandarout

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Police officers stops car towing, no idea for better title

first time poster, not sure if its re-post sorry if it is, translated as im not from english speaking countrie

Driver of old Yugo (old shitty car) had stopped on highway because of engine problem and started to stop cars for towing to nearest exit, there happened to Ferrari driver to stop and...

An interesting title

One time I was carrying a guitar, and fell down the stairs, and accidentally wrote a Nickleback song.

What is something that has Care in its title, but does not actually care?

Kare-n, cause she still won’t let me see the kids.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

*Insert title here*

A town was talking about meeting attendance. It was low and they needed something interesting for the next meeting. They decided to hire a hypnotist. The next meeting comes around, and with word of the hypnotist, the building is packed. The hypnotist swings a watch back and forth saying "Watch the w...

A teacher goes for a long walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.

There is a puff of blue smoke and a genie pops out. “You have three wishes. I can give you anything in the world. If I fail, I must become your personal genie for eternity.”

The teacher thinks for a moment and says, “For my first wish, I want jewels. Silver, gold, platinum, whatever you have....

Title of my new book about how I used to abuse my wife.

The Hits and the Mrs.

A kid just finished writing his paper for class

He typed the title “1000 Ways To Cure An Itch” to finish it off. Right as he was about to hit save the screen went black. Surprised, he did all he could to get the computer back on so he could save his work. After a few minutes the boys dad walks in and says “The power went out.”

“What do yo...

China's national anthem is titled 'March of the Volunteers'

But most people are forced to sing it.

I've just finished writing a script for a film I titled "American Schools"

Shooting starts soon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple is golfing on a golf course when their ball flies out of the course and smashes right through the window of an old mansion.

Shocked, the couple hastes to the old mansion and knock on the door.

A mysterious voice from within the mansion calls the couple to enter.

The couple enters the mansion and in the hallway they see an old man standing next to the broken window and a broken chinese vase with their golfba...

How can you tell if a man is married by his title?

You can't, it's a mistery.

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