Went to the book store for the Christmas sale “1/3 off all titles”

I got a lovely copy of “The Lion, The Witch”

China's national anthem is titled 'March of the Volunteers'

But most people are forced to sing it.

Maybe the song "It's Raining Men" wouldn't have been as popular had they used the original demo title:

"Corpse Storm."

Titles are hard

*context* I work in a fruit and veg shop. I told this joke to all of the people doing fruit. I think I need a new job

What's the opposite of a mandarin?

A mandarout

How can you tell if a man is married by his title?

You can't, it's a mistery.

They are working on a new movie to be titled Constipation

No idea when it's going to come out

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I don't know how to title this but according to higher-ups, this should be labelled as a repost so yeah. Enjoy

A guy walks over to his neighbour and knocks on the door. A woman answers the door and the guy asks her "Do you have a vagina?" The woman looks at him in disgust and slams the door on him.

The next day, the same thing happens. The guy walks over to his neighbour, knocks on the door and when s...

A teacher goes for a long walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.

There is a puff of blue smoke and a genie pops out. “You have three wishes. I can give you anything in the world. If I fail, I must become your personal genie for eternity.”

The teacher thinks for a moment and says, “For my first wish, I want jewels. Silver, gold, platinum, whatever you have....

You shuold be be able to edit titles

Edit: should

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Police officers stops car towing, no idea for better title

first time poster, not sure if its re-post sorry if it is, translated as im not from english speaking countrie

Driver of old Yugo (old shitty car) had stopped on highway because of engine problem and started to stop cars for towing to nearest exit, there happened to Ferrari driver to stop and...

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Title

A guy walks in a bar and asks the bartender:

Guy: Hey are you gay?

Bartender: Damn straight

Guy: \*sighs\* The search continues..

In my 8th grade english class I wrote a script titled "The Pun"

It was a play on words.

Just watched Once Upon A Time In Hollywood in theaters and without knowing anything about it other than the title.

I still don't.

Not only bad at jokes, I’m also bad at titles

At the local butcher shop the was a challenge. The challenge was that if you could jump and touch on of the steaks on the ceiling, you would get twenty dollars. If you couldn’t, you would have to pay for one of the steaks. So a man named Jack came up to the challenge. As he was about to try he was s...

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Describe your sex life using a movie title

Me : Gone in 60 Seconds

What I if told you

You read the title wrong.

What was the title of the book written by the lobotomist?

Veggie tales

What is something that has Care in its title, but does not actually care?

Kare-n, cause she still won’t let me see the kids.

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A Bishop has heard a rumor that some of his priests had sexual tentations

He decides to test their will to follow their oath of Chastity.
He summons the 10 priests in the dining room the next morning, asks them to stand in line, takes their pants down and knots a little bell to their d*cks.

He claps his hands and a beautiful blonde woman appears out of the fro...

I've just finished writing a script for a film I titled "American Schools"

Shooting starts soon.

What do you call the job title of a firearms enthusiast and speechwriter?

A glockenspiel.

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So turns out dumbledore was gay

Brings a whole new meaning to his title of “headmaster”

Yesterday, I called a local radio station to request "I'm Free" by The Rolling Stones. However, they played a song of the same title by The Who.

You can't always get what you want.

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My girlfriend told me that if I get 1000 upvotes then we’ll try anal

paca riding lesson during the holidays. I think it’ll be fun!

An interesting title

Me [trying to keep the conversation going] : so, what do you do for a living??

Barber [slowly stops cutting my hair] : ....

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Did you hear about the new Will Smith/Dwayne Johnson movie?

They play star-crossed lovers in the 1920s who are both struggling with a crisis of faith at their sexuality. The working title is:

"Dwayne Will Rock Smith's Johnson"

I was so shocked to find out Lance Armstrong won all his Tour de France titles while he was on drugs

Last time I took drugs I couldn’t even find my bike

Finally Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber team up for a song and even the title is perfect...

“I don’t care”

NSFW My wife went to see a murder mystery film titled "Glory holes and murder"

When she came back home, she looked really wide eyed. "I said you look shocked"
She said "yes, a surprise ending, but I never saw it coming..."

I bought the book titled "How to beat procrastination" to fix my procrastinating habit.

It's been 5 months already and I haven't opened that book yet.

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I’ve been training for months to achieve the world record title of ‘Furthest Ejaculation’.

I can’t believe how far I’ve come.

The Fast and the Furious 10 title should be dedicated to Paul Walker

Fast 10: Your Seatbelts

Petition to remove titles once and for all

[me, ordering cake through the phone]
“What would you like the cake to say?
.
[covering the phone to talk to my friend] : do we want a talking cake?

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An Asshole

What do you call a person who puts the punchline of a joke in the title?

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather.

The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesi...

TIL the lead singer of Chumbawumba is married to a champion breakdancer. She had to give up dancing when she fell pregnant but, only three months after giving birth, successfully defended her title at the World Championship.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

14. Having your title be an extension of the post as well

Things I hate

1 Lists

2 Irony

4 Numbers being out of order

5 Skipping numbers

F Inconsistency

7 Repetition

7 Repetition

8 Speling wurdz rong

9 DLC

10 Replying to your own comment

Edit: 11 Edited posts

Buy the Reddit ...

I don'f understand people making typos in their post titles...

Don't they proof read before submitting?

Bad at Titles

Teacher: Whoever answers the next question correctly, can go home early!

Student: \*raises hand\*

Teacher: What is it?

Student: It's me raising my hand, and now I can go home. Thanks!

What title would be given to Jeff Bezos if he were a politician?

Prime Minister

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My name is Quinton and I have the most amazing luck!

You might be wondering how I became known as the Amazingly Lucky Quinton. I've won the lottery 3 times now, have never broken a bone, always find pennies face up, and still have my pet goldfish that I won from a fair when I was 6 years old.

You see, my whole life changed when I got lost in a ...

I saw a book for sale titled "How to solve 50% of your problems" in the library

I went there and bought two copies of it.

Idk what to call it so ima just leave the title like this

A husband and wife are staying with the wife's grandparents for a while. Their son, Bilbo, is going to bed one day. Bilbo says, "Night night Mummy. Night night Daddy. Night night Granny. Goodbye Grandpa."

The parents thought this strange, but anyway, the lives go on.

Until a week later...

50 shades of grey is a genius title but had they thought about it

They should have added 19 more shades

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An Irish Daughter...

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.
Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad.....

As soon as he clicked on the title...

...he realized that someone was narrating him while he was browsing reddit.
He chuckled and left an upvote, ready to read some more reposted jokes.

What do the Minnesota Vikings and a car in the junk yard have in common?

Neither one has a title

My friend and I can't agree on what his job title at the rabbit farm actually is, he calls himself a processor while I say he is a butcher...

... Either way, he is just splitting hares.

An interesting title

I was walking down the street when I saw two guys beating up a kid in an alley. I jumped in to help.

He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

Joke translated from Russian

I young writer asks his dad to help with the title for the first book he has written. Without reading the book, dad asks his son:

<Dad> Is there anything about drum?

<Son> No, there is nothing about drums..

<Dad> Anything about trumpets?

<Son> And ...

Chris: “this water isn’t warm, or cold”

Luke: “what should we call it?”

Chris: “how about Chriswarm”

Luke: “I have a better idea”

Doctor: I have bad news for you. You’ll have to take one of these pills for the rest of your life.

Patient: But... Doctor... you had given me only three pills!?

Doctor: I told you it was bad news.

.

.

.

.











*Edit: I can’t correct the title but it should say “... take one of these pills **each day** for the rest o...

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Titles are really hard, but jokes are a bit easier.

A scientist invented a machine that could combine anything for form a hybrid of the objects.


He goes to a convention to present the machine.
For his presentations he decided to combine himself with two objects.

He stands in front of the crowd and brings out a xerox machine an...

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

If you were looking for a punchline them im sorry to say but its in the title. Now i know this breaks the rules but for this specific joke to have the punchline separate just destroys the underlying potential humor.

Yoda’s short, talks funny, has a name that ends in a vowel, and lived in a system with “dago” in the title.

It’s pretty clear he was Italian.

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I am making a movie on Colonel Sanders, titled

To Kill A Fucking Bird

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What's the most vague job title in the army?

A general

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So I have a thing of finding funny alternative names to movie titles.. Of which are:

Womb Raider

Frying Nemo

Howl's Moaning Castle

Thosebastards

Glad I ate her

The Rare Bi*ch Project

Se8en

Nail Cesar

Sure Lock Homes

A Booty full Mind

Rub a cop

Hairy Potter and the Sorcerer's stoned

Any additions are ...

They just released the title for the Marley & Me sequel

Me

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Porn Parody Movie Titles

My friends and I play this game when we drink or when we wanna pass the time while at work. Looking for some more to use.
Pornoize movie titles, examples

Pacific Rim Job

Squirt Locker

Lord of the Cock Rings

Ect

I want to make a music playlist titled: "Sausages"

Cause every song on it is a banger

If you never fell for any clickbait titles ...

... then this is your first time.

What is the reel joke?

I knew that title was a little fishy

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A man looses his thesaurus.

He searches all over his house for it. He’s double checked everywhere, but he just can’t find it. Fed up with searching, he decides to ask his family members.

His daughter loves reading books, so he decided to ask her first.

Man: Did you take my thesaurus?

Daughter: ...

My son finally landed a position as a software engineer. He proudly told me that his new job title will be “Java Developer.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that means he’ll be making the coffee.

What would you title a novel about a rebellious Asian teenager?

The Catcher in the Rice

People will get really angry if you don't refer to their proper job title.

My son's hairdresser didn't like being called a child groomer.

[Title Redacted]

\[Deleted\]

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You know, garbage man as a job title is a little sexist and outdated.

We should call them garbage people instead.

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Three professions

Three people, each with a different profession discuss their job titles.

'I'm a chiropractor' says the first 'or "chiro" for short' .

'I'm a physiotherapist' says the second 'or "physio" for short'.

'I'm a psychologist' says the third 'Can we talk about something else?'

3 nuns die and go to heaven...

.. when they get there saint peter tells them he can grant them to be reincarnated as anyone they want for 6 months. The first nun walks up and said "I want to be a young and beautiful Brittany Spears" ((snap)) she disappeared.. the second nun walks up and says "I want to be Janet Jackson with lungs...

Donald Trump dies and goes to hell

In 50 years, he comes to the devil and says: "I know I'm going to spend an eternity here. I would like to ask you for a favor. I miss my country, I miss the United States. Can I go back to Washington DC for 15 minutes? I will go to the nearest bar, drink some beer and have a little chat with the bar...

Ask me a questions and once I've responded, edit that question to a new one to make me look stupid.

I'm having a rough day and I think this could be a fun way to change that!

What’s it called when multiple bookshelves of books falls on you?

A title wave

It bothers me more than it should when people put the first line of the joke in the title

It bothers me more than it should when people put the first line of the joke in the title then repeat it in the body of the post.

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The Crude Pianist.

A pianist scored an interview at a local restaurant. He is sent to the manager and is asked to play a few songs from memory.

The pianist says - “this is one of my favourites. It’s called ‘I Was Fucking Your Dog But It Bit My Penis So Now My Balls Hurt’”.

The manager, appalled, says - “...

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Minecraft

is probably what hitler would have titled his autobiography if he had gotten into art school

What was David Beckham told after he was granted an honourific title by the Queen?

Man, you knighted!

Caesar and Brutus are sitting around one day...

And Brutus says to Caesar, "I'm bored! Let's go see a movie or something!"

Caesar replies, "That could be fun! What movie would you want to go see?"

Brutus responds, "Didn't they just come out with another movie about that killer clown? I can't remember the title though."

"It 2,...

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We had student's contest for the best short story of the first sex experience. The obvious winner was titled:

"Home Alone"

I was browsing through a section in the bookshop titled "Advertising for Idiots."

It said "Buy one and get a second one for the price of two."

I just read an article titled, "100 Things To Do Before You Die"

I was quite surprised that, "Yell for help!" wasn't one of them.

One day, a new redditor is browsing /r/jokes and finds that it is nothing but upvoted posts with numbers in the titles.

Confused, he PMs an OP with a lot of upvotes and inquires, "What's up with all the number posts? What's so funny about numbers?"

"Well, you see, we got so many reposts on /r/jokes that we decided to just number all of the old OC and now we just post the numbers for the original jokes; it's mu...

So there's this redditor that says part of the joke in the title

So there's this redditor that says part of the joke in the title,


then repeats it for no goddamn reason.

"Aliens vs Predator" is a good title for a movie...

... about the current situation of USA Immigration.

A woman walks into a bank..

A woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.

The banker asks, “Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?”

The woman says, “Yes, of course. I’ll use my Rolls Royce.”

The banker, stunned, asks, “A $250,000 Rolls Roy...

I wrote a research paper on tuberculosis titled “TB”

Instead of a grade next to the title the professor just added a “D.”

So I guess that means it’s still to be determined....

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