UPJOKE
nameappellationdesignationchampionshiprubricentitlesubtitlecaptioncalldenominationappellativetriple crownknow asbe known asmiss

Title Jokes

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Title+title

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said: "That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair." the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister: "My monkey has grown ha...

One word of this title is incorrect.

And when you've realized it, you'll agree that it's not right at all.

And then you'll give this post an angry upvote.

Thanks.

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Real movie titles converted to funny porn ones

I.e., Romancing the Bone”

Put the punchline in the title.

How do you ruin a joke?

If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 Harry Potter books, it spells out a secret message

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

As soon as he clicked on the title...

...he realized that someone was narrating him while he was browsing reddit.
He chuckled and left an upvote, ready to read some more reposted jokes.

Title that makes you click the post

A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and went to bed, he in the upper bunk and...

Old McDonald had to hire a manager for the farm. The manager asked, "What's my title?"

McDonald said, "You're the C I E I O."

Titles of books you probably don't want your kid to read.

"You're Different and That's Bad."

"Why cant Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Socket be Friends?"

"Let's Find and Play With Mommy and Daddy's Toys."

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What’s a good title for necrophilia porn?

Good mourning.

I wanted to see that new movie titled "Constipated"

It hasn't come out yet.

Title

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. As he sits there, he hears a high-pitched voice say, "Hey, those jeans look really great on you!"

The man looks around but sees nothing. He then returns to his drink thinking nothing more of it. But then, a moment later, he hears the same voice again...

Star Wars Episode 7-9 Titles Revealed

Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Sleeps For Five More Minutes

Star Wars Episode IX: The Force Is Late For Work

TIL the lead singer of Chumbawumba is married to a champion breakdancer. She had to give up dancing when she fell pregnant but, only three months after giving birth, successfully defended her title at the World Championship.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

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Rejected porn titles. ( You can do this in the comments too. )

The grim deeper

Hole-y enlightenment

Sesame street after dark

Johnny johnny needs his sugar and milk

I bought a book titled “How to Solve Half Your Problems.”

I read it twice, now I’m problem free.

So there's this redditor that says part of the joke in the title

So there's this redditor that says part of the joke in the title,


then repeats it for no goddamn reason.

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Seriously though, why can't you put the punchline in the title?

What do you say to piss off a redditor?

So they just announced the title to the tenth fast and furious movie..

Fast10: Your Seatbelts.

Okay, we need a title for our fantasy novel involving dragons. Any ideas?

…Dragon?

It can’t just be Dragon.

Umm… Cragon?

No, that’s awful. Come on, think harder.

Umm…. Eragon?

….Bingo.

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Cannot believe the new Chocolate Factory prequel movie is unimaginatively titled “Wonka”…

I mean we had “Young Sheldon”, so why can’t we have “Small Willy”?

It would be a much better fit.

An interesting title

In high school kids used to say i resembled a large bird so they would exclude me from activities.

I guess that would make me Ostrich-sized

If a vegetable wrote an erotic asphyxiation help guide, what would it be titled?

Idk if this joke works. I’m workshopping it

If a vegetable wrote an erotic asphyxiation help guide, what would it be titled?

“Art of choke me”

Punchline in the title of a Reddit post

Yo mama so stupid she puts the…

insert title here

The men were smiling next to each other at Murphy’s pub in London
after a while, one bloke looks at the other and says,

“I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland”.

The other bloke responds proudly. “Yes, that I am!”

The first one says, <...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Describe your sex life using a movie title

Me : Gone in 60 Seconds

I wrote a book and titled it "Julius, quick grab the girl before she gets away"

My editor decided to shorten it to "Julius Seize her!"

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What's the title of Salman Rushdie's new book?

Buddha, you fat fuck.

A joke so absolutely filthy I can't put it in the title

Rio Olympics

(Insert good title here)

Q:What is a books favorite breakfast?

A:A synonym roll!

First post

title words

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbour. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ...

idk what to put the title as

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.........

The man decided to try it out at dinner.

Dad: Son, where were you during school hours?

Son: At school

*The robot slaps the son*

Son: OK! I was at my friend’s house watching a DVD

Dad: W...

Are you good at avoiding clickbait titles?

Apparently not.

If I ever write a on how to become a ventriloquist, I would title it:

Ventriloquism for dummies.


Credit to u/Mezz7778

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Why doesn't Putin take the title of Tsar?

He doesn't want to end up in a basement with all of his family.

Title malone

Post Malone

Apparently this is a current Russian joke: What is the title of Tolstoy's main work?

It's "Special operation and peace".

The Queen has given Andrew a new title...

The Nobody Formerly Known as Prince.

"An interesting title" doesn't sparks interest

Two men are walking down the street when they happen upon a dog licking his balls, The first man says " Boy, I wish I could do that" The second guy says" I tried once and he bit me".

An interesting title

Me [trying to keep the conversation going] : so, what do you do for a living??

Barber [slowly stops cutting my hair] : ....

An interesting title

A Policeman pulled
me over and said "Papers?"

So I said "Scissors"
and drove away.

Bad Children's Books Titles

Here are some bad children's books titles I found in my jokes archive. Can you think of others?

1. "You Were an Accident"
2. "Strangers Have the Best Candy"
3. "The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
4. "Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
5. "The Attention Deficit Disorder Assoc...

You know, for a song titled, "Piano Man..."

The guy with the harmonica sure won't shut the hell up.

An Intresting Title...

A Christian guy named Bill saw an ad online for a Christian horse, so he went to check it out.
The horse owner said, "It's easy to ride him. Just say 'Praise The Lord!' To make him go, and 'Amen' to make him stop." Bill got on his horse and said, "Praise The Lord!" Sure enough, the horse started ...

An interesting title

What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken Caesar salad

I just received an email titled $50 TO SEE JUSTIN BIEBER LIVE

I'm really the wrong person to email for these kind of ransoms.

A poem, with a title at the end

Darkness, silence, cool serene morning
Daybreak not yet piercing the shades
Crackling, popping, cut through the nothing
Shoulders tense, poised for responding
Electricity in fibers, pushing up against gravity
Hands sinking inward, but head rising lightly
Head tossed sideways and ey...

I have no title

If you ever feel useless, just think about the mortgage feature on Monopoly deeds.

Titles are hard

*context* I work in a fruit and veg shop. I told this joke to all of the people doing fruit. I think I need a new job

What's the opposite of a mandarin?

A mandarout

I got a great deal and paid only $6 for a book titled “100 Truly Disgusting Jokes.”

If you break it down per joke, I only paid for the author’s 6 cents of humor.

An interesting title

One time I was carrying a guitar, and fell down the stairs, and accidentally wrote a Nickleback song.

I wrote a book titled ‘Do Not Touch’.

Sales have done very well, except for the Braille prints.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Police officers stops car towing, no idea for better title

first time poster, not sure if its re-post sorry if it is, translated as im not from english speaking countrie

Driver of old Yugo (old shitty car) had stopped on highway because of engine problem and started to stop cars for towing to nearest exit, there happened to Ferrari driver to stop and...

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*Insert title here*

A town was talking about meeting attendance. It was low and they needed something interesting for the next meeting. They decided to hire a hypnotist. The next meeting comes around, and with word of the hypnotist, the building is packed. The hypnotist swings a watch back and forth saying "Watch the w...

I DON'T HAVE AN INTERESTING TITLE

A young man (YM) walks into a pharmacy, greets the owner and go straight to where the condoms are stored. After 10 minutes the owner notice that the young man is still there and decide to go and see if he can help him. The owner sees that he seems a bit lost and ask if he need some advice.

YM...

What’s a movie whose title got deeper the longer you watched?

The Titanic.

It bothers me more than it should when people put the first line of the joke in the title

It bothers me more than it should when people put the first line of the joke in the title then repeat it in the body of the post.

I saw a book on Amazon titled “How to Solve 50% of your life’s problems.”

Naturally I ordered two copies.

I just read an article titled, "100 Things To Do Before You Die"

I was quite surprised that, "Yell for help!" wasn't one of them.

if a Marxist rewrote the tale of Robin of Locksley, he would title it...

Little Red Robin Hood.

People who put the punchline in the title

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Titles are evil

Last night there was a fire at Krispy Kreme.

Needless to say,everything was burnt to a krisp

I never can think of a title

A man was in a terrible car crash and he was alright. How is this?

He lost his left hand

What's a better title for store greeter during the pandemic?

Bouncer!

What do you title a book about a Jewish girl brought back to life?

The Diary of Anne Frankenstein

If the punchline was in the title.

Mobile users would be much happier.

Interesting Title Here

Pun time!!

Q: What do you call dental x-rays? A: Tooth pics.

Q: What do you call a group of babies? A: An infantry.

Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? A: He pasta away.

Q: Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? A: Because they lactose.

Q: What do yo...

The walnut tree (idk what to put for title lol)

One day, Johnny and his friend Bobby walked into the cemetery. There were a lot of fallen walnuts from the walnut tree that they wanted to share. They started splitting them and Johnny said "One for you, one for me! One for you, one for me!"

At this time, a little boy was biking along the roa...

What is something that has Care in its title, but does not actually care?

Kare-n, cause she still won’t let me see the kids.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lock & Stock were a famous pro wrestling tag team. They had a long, successful career, won many titles, had a wonderful retirement match and were inducted into the Hall of Fame of every company they wrestled in.

One day, chilling on the porch and reflecting on the many blessings of their career, Lock asked Stock "You know, I've always wondered; is there pro wrestling in heaven?"

"I've always wondered that myself," Stock replied.

So the two agreed, "Whichever of us gets there first needs to fin...

Book titles and authors: Don’t fall off the cliff

By Ilene Dover

I got a book titled ‘A Guide to Surgical Procedures’.

I opened it up and the appendix was missing.

A priest is looking through his church's roster. He asks another priest, "Why do all our nuns have the same titles? It makes no sense."

The other priest says in reply, "I did it on purpose, but they're all Nun the Wiser."

I was really excited when I picked up a book titled “69 Mating positions”.

Turns out it was about chess.

Punchline in title

What do you call a queue of boxers?

If you receive an email with the title "DING DONG", do not open it!!!

It's the Jehovah's witnesses, working from home

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know, garbage man as a job title is a little sexist and outdated.

We should call them garbage people instead.

My local book shop had a sale on "1/3 off all titles"

I scored a pristine hardback copy of 'The Lion, The Witch'

I'm writing a musical titled "Pun"

It's a play on words.

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Saw the movie titled Constipation?

I bet you didn't because it isn't out yet.

/crappy joke , I know ;-)

Describe your last relationship with a movie title:

12 Years A Slave

My job title is "Thermal Generation Engineer for Recumbent Structural Apparatus."

I keep a chair warm.

50 shades of grey would be a perfect title for a movie about a dog reading a map of the US.

EDIT: Thanks a million to everyone who upvoted. It's the first time I get these many. Oh, and by the way, the joke is stolen, it's a meme that has been going around for a while now, so... middle finger to all of you.

Danny kicked his way to the karate tournament title without throwing a single punch

Turns out he's a master of partial arts

I've just finished writing a script for a film I titled "American Schools"

Shooting starts soon.

TIL Titles with unfinished sentences

...are hard to resist.

I just bought a book titled "What They Don't Teach You About Computer Science"

Its literally just about anger management

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IF YOU SEE A LINK TITLED “JAMES CHARLES NUDE”, DON’T CLICK ON IT.

#IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR KEYBOARD ON PERMANENT CAPS LOCK.

My sister came up with this. What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it

Post office

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