UPJOKE
nameappellationchampionshipentitlesubtitlecaptioncalldenominationtriple crownbe known asmissclaimdeedreverendlordship

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Title+title

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said: "That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair." the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister: "My monkey has grown ha...

Apparently this is a current Russian joke: What is the title of Tolstoy's main work?

It's "Special operation and peace".

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Rejected porn titles. ( You can do this in the comments too. )

The grim deeper

Hole-y enlightenment

Sesame street after dark

Johnny johnny needs his sugar and milk

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Why doesn't Putin take the title of Tsar?

He doesn't want to end up in a basement with all of his family.

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a good one from my dad

A guitar player walks into a bar trying to score a gig.
He meets with the bar owner for his audition, and proceeds to play a beautiful melodic song.

"Wow!" Said the owner, "that was amazing! Whats it called?"

"Its called 'You're slapping my wifes titties with a belt'" replies the gu...

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Why is Putin and Zelensky neighbors?

Apparently a big dick needs a great set of balls next to it.

(Came up on my own :,))





Edit no. Unknown- Thank you for redditors who pointed out the mistakes in my post. Sadly, I can’t change the title. It is “Are” instead of “Is”.

idk what to put the title as

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.........

The man decided to try it out at dinner.

Dad: Son, where were you during school hours?

Son: At school

*The robot slaps the son*

Son: OK! I was at my friend’s house watching a DVD

Dad: W...

I saw a book on Amazon titled “How to Solve 50% of your life’s problems.”

Naturally I ordered two copies.

The Queen has given Andrew a new title...

The Nobody Formerly Known as Prince.

if a Marxist rewrote the tale of Robin of Locksley, he would title it...

Little Red Robin Hood.

insert title here

The men were smiling next to each other at Murphy’s pub in London
after a while, one bloke looks at the other and says,

“I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland”.

The other bloke responds proudly. “Yes, that I am!”

The first one says, <...

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Okay I'm going to reach back in my memory here and pull out an old Buddy Hackett jokes. If you've never heard of him before I'd suggest that you look him up on YouTube. He was in a few movies. The one I remember was was it's a mad mad mad mad world. I might have missed a mad or two on the title.

So I'm walking down the street one day. Minding my own business. When down the middle of the street. To Hurst came by. One following the other. Behind that, there was a man with the biggest dog I've ever seen in my life. And behind that it was like 97 guys, all with their wallet in their hand. So be...

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A man is seated in 1st class with an open seat next to him.

Anxiously awaiting departure he can't believe his luck when a stunningly beautiful blonde approaches. As she sits down next to him he silently vows to abstain from hitting on her. It's doubtless she's had that happen to her frequently. She settles in and they're off and heading for San Francisco i...

Finally... a smart blonde joke.

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz...

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The dark presence of the knight in black armor terrified the patrons of the inn. And he was sulking at the bar, clearly worried as he down the pint of ale.

He towered over the others who were also in the inn's bar, his armor covered in jagged spikes that were as lethal as the man-sized swords that hung from his back. His eyes glowed blood-red and a sickening black miasma poured through the small cracks in the plate armor. He even had a large pair of ho...

You know, for a song titled, "Piano Man..."

The guy with the harmonica sure won't shut the hell up.

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Pornhub could increase there viewership in the southern states...

If they just dropped "step" from all titles

I have an addiction to making references to random Bruce Willis movie titles. People have tried to help me stop but you know what they say. Old habits...

Pulp Fiction

"An interesting title" doesn't sparks interest

Two men are walking down the street when they happen upon a dog licking his balls, The first man says " Boy, I wish I could do that" The second guy says" I tried once and he bit me".

A teacher goes for a long walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.

There is a puff of blue smoke and a genie pops out. “You have three wishes. I can give you anything in the world. If I fail, I must become your personal genie for eternity.”

The teacher thinks for a moment and says, “For my first wish, I want jewels. Silver, gold, platinum, whatever you have....

What’s a movie whose title got deeper the longer you watched?

The Titanic.

An interesting title

In high school kids used to say i resembled a large bird so they would exclude me from activities.

I guess that would make me Ostrich-sized

What do you title a book about a Jewish girl brought back to life?

The Diary of Anne Frankenstein

The Priest said "The cars, the money, the titles... you can't take any of them with you"

So I got a tattoo

I wrote a book titled ‘Do Not Touch’.

Sales have done very well, except for the Braille prints.

Title that makes you click the post

A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and went to bed, he in the upper bunk and...

After having his title stripped and funds cut off by the Royal Family, Harry has taken up painting to supplement his income.

He’s the Artist formerly known as Prince.

Good news, I'm finally going to get something I wrote produced for the stage.

I've lined up some great people to perform in it. The producer read the script, titled "I Pun, Therefore I Am,” and asked me if it was a musical.

Sadly, I told him no. It's just a play on words.

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An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 

'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'

The girl, crying,...

There is a medieval town with a group of friars.

You know the ones, balding on top, fringe of hair, gray-robed religious folks. They are having a meeting to discuss the lack of donations to the church.

"Donations are at an all time low, it just isn't enough to support the church any more! Anyone have any ideas of how we could make more mone...

Bad Children's Books Titles

Here are some bad children's books titles I found in my jokes archive. Can you think of others?

1. "You Were an Accident"
2. "Strangers Have the Best Candy"
3. "The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
4. "Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
5. "The Attention Deficit Disorder Assoc...

I’ve heard the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

Which is a shame, because I was hoping to use it as a book title.

What would you do I if told you

that you read the title incorrectly.

A women took a nap on New Years Eve...

A women took a nap on New Years Eve.

When she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?”

He replied, “Aha, you’ll know tonight!” At midnight, her husband handed her a small gift-wrapped pres...

I should have listened to my dad that day.

Friend : What did he say ?

The guy in title : I have no idea , I didn't listen to him

TIL the lead singer of Chumbawumba is married to a champion breakdancer. She had to give up dancing when she fell pregnant but, only three months after giving birth, successfully defended her title at the World Championship.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

The punchline in the title.

What ruins a possibly good post?

More people would read books if publishers just added the phrase "In My Pants" to the end of every title.

War of the Worlds in My Pants

The Two Towers in My Pants

Great Expectations in My Pants

To Kill a Mockingbird in My Pants

Rising Strong in My Pants

Are you good at avoiding clickbait titles?

Apparently not.

The walnut tree (idk what to put for title lol)

One day, Johnny and his friend Bobby walked into the cemetery. There were a lot of fallen walnuts from the walnut tree that they wanted to share. They started splitting them and Johnny said "One for you, one for me! One for you, one for me!"

At this time, a little boy was biking along the roa...

As soon as he clicked on the title...

...he realized that someone was narrating him while he was browsing reddit.
He chuckled and left an upvote, ready to read some more reposted jokes.

My local book shop had a sale on "1/3 off all titles"

I scored a pristine hardback copy of 'The Lion, The Witch'

Put the punchline in the title.

How do you ruin a joke?

(Insert good title here)

Q:What is a books favorite breakfast?

A:A synonym roll!

First post

I was really excited when I picked up a book titled “69 Mating positions”.

Turns out it was about chess.

I got a book titled ‘A Guide to Surgical Procedures’.

I opened it up and the appendix was missing.

Did you hear the joke titled 'from seconds to minutes'?

It's about time.

title words

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbour. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ...

Danny kicked his way to the karate tournament title without throwing a single punch

Turns out he's a master of partial arts

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If Prince Albert is when you pierce the head, what title does Albert get when the balls are pierced?

Baron

My sister came up with this. What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it

Post office

The title

Where's the best place to hide the punchline?

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Describe your sex life using a movie title

Me : Gone in 60 Seconds

Too lazy for a title

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness

But if you find one let me know

It was a few days before Valentine’s Day and a young woman was taking an afternoon nap.

After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day! What do you think it means?”
Her husband smiled. “Oh, I have a feeling you’ll know later tonight.” he said with a wink.
His wife squealed with joy. That evening, the man came home w...

If you receive an email with the title "DING DONG", do not open it!!!

It's the Jehovah's witnesses, working from home

You shuold be be able to edit titles

Edit: should

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IF YOU SEE A LINK TITLED “JAMES CHARLES NUDE”, DON’T CLICK ON IT.

#IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR KEYBOARD ON PERMANENT CAPS LOCK.

An Intresting Title...

A Christian guy named Bill saw an ad online for a Christian horse, so he went to check it out.
The horse owner said, "It's easy to ride him. Just say 'Praise The Lord!' To make him go, and 'Amen' to make him stop." Bill got on his horse and said, "Praise The Lord!" Sure enough, the horse started ...

Book titles and authors: Don’t fall off the cliff

By Ilene Dover

An interesting title

What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken Caesar salad

I misread the title of "Come on Eileen".

Then I came in Eileen, now she's coming after me for child support.

My daughter came home with her high school art project the other day...

It was a painting she titled "Raining Cheerios".

I asked why she would do a painting of cheerios falling from the sky.

She said: "Because I'm a cerealist"

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Some say if you can guess the punchline of a joke by the title on Reddit before clicking on it - that it's a rubbish joke...

Tits

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Police officers stops car towing, no idea for better title

first time poster, not sure if its re-post sorry if it is, translated as im not from english speaking countrie

Driver of old Yugo (old shitty car) had stopped on highway because of engine problem and started to stop cars for towing to nearest exit, there happened to Ferrari driver to stop and...

I DON'T HAVE AN INTERESTING TITLE

A young man (YM) walks into a pharmacy, greets the owner and go straight to where the condoms are stored. After 10 minutes the owner notice that the young man is still there and decide to go and see if he can help him. The owner sees that he seems a bit lost and ask if he need some advice.

YM...

So there's this redditor that says part of the joke in the title

So there's this redditor that says part of the joke in the title,


then repeats it for no goddamn reason.

My wife and I had two miscarriages last year, and I believe there should be more jokes about miscarriages so we talk about it more...

The only problem is most of the jokes die before you finish delivering them.

—————————————————————

*The title of the post is true and humor is how I deal with my pain*

So they just announced the title to the tenth fast and furious movie..

Fast10: Your Seatbelts.

What's the title of Jeffrey Dahmer's cookbook?

"Come To Think Of It..."

What is something that has Care in its title, but does not actually care?

Kare-n, cause she still won’t let me see the kids.

Stupid joke in description, too short to split into title and desc

A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

Dear sir, On behalf of Channel Four may I thank you for your application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new reality show.

Also the charming photograph you enclosed. Whilst agreeing that she could make a worthy contribution to the program if selected, I would point out that the correct title of the series is actually "Fact Hunt". Kind regards Channel Four.

Did you hear the one about Schroedingers failed early experiments with ice boxes?

He titled his paper “Ice Ice Maybe”.

Maybe the song "It's Raining Men" wouldn't have been as popular had they used the original demo title:

"Corpse Storm."

The official title for Spider-Man 3 finally has been announced!

Spider-Man: Home Is Where You Make It

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A guy gets on a Greyhound bus and finds a seat next to an attractive lady.

They say hello and chat a bit, then the lady decides to read for a few hours.
When she finally sets her book down, the man notices the book is titled "True, Unusual, and Medical Facts About Sex".
He says, "That must be quite an interesting book."
"Yes," she says, " it's got some amazing inf...

My buddy Frank is a HUGE fan of diarrhea. I was thinking of writing a book about him, but it looks like the title is already taken.

"The Diary of Anne Frank"

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They're making a movie about a Scotland yard inspector suffering from chronic constipation ...

... titled, No Shit Sherlock.

Star Wars Episode 7-9 Titles Revealed

Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Sleeps For Five More Minutes

Star Wars Episode IX: The Force Is Late For Work

You child is playing with wires and is getting electrocuted, what can you do?

Ground him until he can conduct himself properly.



First word in title should be "your"

I have no title

If you ever feel useless, just think about the mortgage feature on Monopoly deeds.

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(Nsfw)Went to pornhub the other day there was a lot of videos titled "bbc destroys teen"...

I don't know why the British Broadcasting Corporation is destroying the lives of teens..but I for one think it shows lack of journalistic integrity.

If the punchline was in the title.

Mobile users would be much happier.

It bothers me more than it should when people put the first line of the joke in the title

It bothers me more than it should when people put the first line of the joke in the title then repeat it in the body of the post.

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