Oh man you know what my favorite thing about being Russian is?

Getting to vote in American elections.

My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandmother

until my mom took the urn from me.

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My late Grandfathers favorite joke

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and u...

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My favorite sex position is called "the JFK"...

She screams and tries to crawl out of the back seat while I go splooey all over her dress.

Math jokes aren’t my favorite.

But I’ll make one if I halve two.

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My favorite joke: Everyone Knows Dave

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave ...

6:30 is my favorite time of the day.

Hands down.

I don't know if this has been posted before or not but it's my favorite joke.

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

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My Father’s Favorite Joke

One day, a man goes to a remote village and goes to the pub. He is completely taken with how incredible the bar is. Eventually he speaks to the barman and tells him how he has travelled the world but that this is the most beautiful bar he has ever seen. The barman says:
“You like this bar, hr...

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My favorite NSFW Joke: A guy calls his friend, and says "you're not gonna BELIEVE what happened to me last night...

I was walking home from the bar, and I saw this woman tied to the railroad tracks, like in the old silent movies!"

His friend says "that's crazy! So what did you do?"
"Well, I untied her of course! And then I took her home and had sex with her all night long."

His friend says "tha...

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Poop jokes aren't my favorite....

But they're a solid number two.

What is a cowboy's favorite car?

You think it would be the Mustang, but he trusts his life with his reVolvo.

P.S. please no comments about the StetsonWagon....

Whats Bill Cosby's favorite Disney character?

Sleeping beauty

Two elitist gamers meet each other and discuss their favorite online games

Gamer 1: "You play WoW? LoL"

Gamer 2: "You play LoL? WoW"

My favorite joke of all time.

One day a priest, rabbi, and atheist walk in to a bar and sit down. The bartender comes up to them and asks, "Hey are you guys part of a joke?" To which they respond affirmatively. "Get out," the bartender said, "I don't serve jokes in here," and they did.


The next day a horse clops in ...

What is a hydraulic press’s favorite vegetable?

SQUASH

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What was Hitler's favorite letter?

Definitely not C.

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

My grandpa's favorite joke

Two guys are driving from Kansas to Maine and they drive by a sign for Worcester, MA. They both look at eachother and say, 'how the hell do you pronounce that?" The driver says "War-chester", the passanger says, "Nah, its gotta be "wir-ster". They argue a bit and decide that the only way to know for...

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What is Hitler's favorite Videogame ?

***Mein Kraft***

What is Bernie Sanders’ favorite COD gamemode?

Free for All

What is DJ Khalids favorite number?

11 because it has another one

I tried to translate my German grandfathers' favorite joke

A woman walks past a pet shop. In front of the store there is a cage with a parrot, that suddenly starts talking to the woman: "You're ugly"
The woman quickly walks away.

At the next day the woman again walks past the shop and the parrot again says "You're ugly".
This time the woma...

What is the favorite city of a Muslim?

It is Nottingham

What is an epileptic person's favorite pizza place?

Little Seizures

What is Al-Qaedas favorite football team?

The New York Jets.

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From my 8 year old daughter. "What is a Marine Biologists favorite instrament?"

The "Tambomarine" Badapisssh...

What's an epileptic's favorite starter?

Seizure salad.

What’s a genie’s favorite drink?

Djinn and tonic.

What is Jupiter's favorite alcoholic beverage?

Ganymead.

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My favorite long joke - A man is having an affair with another guy's wife when the husband comes home early.

Wife : Hide in the closest and you'll be fine.

So the man throws on his clothes and jumps in the closet. Not long after he hears a little boy's voice in the closet with him.

Boy: It's dark in here.

Man: Yeah so? Just please keep it down.

Boy: I have baseball. Do you want ...

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One of my great grandfather’s favorite jokes...

A guys walking down the street with a bag of rabbit droppings he runs into one of his friends who asks what’s in the bag. Guy says “Smart Pills,” his friend says “Gimme one of them Smart Pills,” then reaches in the bag and pops a handful of them in his mouth. He looks at the guy and says “These smar...

What's a judge's favorite game?

Counter-strike

My three favorite things are...

Eating my family and not using commas.

What is an Australian ghost's favorite pie?

Boo meringue

What is a blind person's favorite type of humor?

Dark Humor.

My father passed this morning. In his honor, I present his favorite joke: why do polish people have ski at the end of their names?

Because they can't spell toboggan. - Stanley G. Kapuscinski

Edit: thanks so much for the kind words and thoughts and prayers. Thanks so much for your equally awful jokes.

To a lesser but still significant extent, thanks for the awards.

MY FAVORITE FILM IS THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME.

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

Also I've heard that Notre Dame is lit af...

What’s a pirates favorite letter?

You’d think it would be R, but it’s actually the C.

What's an Alabama girls favorite game?

Smash Bros!

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Well, some people think its 'R', but that's just a hurtful stereotype.

Other people say that their true love is the 'C' which I can certainly understand...

But I find that it's actually the letter 'P', cause without it they're just irate.

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My 105-year-old grandmother's favorite joke

A bag boy is pushing a woman's groceries out to her car. She thinks he's kind of cute, so she taps him on the shoulder and whispers "I have an itchy pussy."

He shrugs and says, "Sorry, ma'am, all those Japanese cars look the same to me."

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My favorite 4th of July joke: Do you know why Americans spell color, humor, and behavior that way they do?

"Because fuck u that's why."

-- George Washington, Revolutionary War

I'm in a gaming clan and our favorite season is Autumn

We're the Fall Guys

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What’s JC Denton’s favorite porn site?

Deus xvideos

What's Donald Trump's favorite superhero?

The white power ranger.

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I made a compilation of my favorite 10 jokes from this sub. The first 9 are great but #10 is fucking gold.

1. Great

2. Great

3. Great

4. Great

5. Great

6. Great

7. Great

8. Great

9. Great

10. Fucking Gold.

What’s ICE’s least favorite band?

Foreigner

Did you know that Harry Potter’s favorite way of going down a hill is running?

J.k. Rowling

What's your favorite numbering system?

I, for one, like Roman Numerals.

One of my Great Grandfathers favorites...

A traveling salesman steps off of a bus in a small Midwestern town. He has some time to kill so he asks the ticket counter clerk what there is to do around the area. The ticket clerk tells him that all the bars are closed because it's Sunday but if he walks down to the end of the main road there's a...

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What’s a Nazi’s favorite game?

MeinCraft

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NSFW Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position.

One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy.

"What is it?"

"Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her t*ts, and whisper i...

I won't be eating at my favorite Italian restaurant any more. They have a new chef named Sal.

Sal Monella.

What's a basketball player's favorite doughnut shop?

Dunkin' Donuts!

After a long day of duck hunting I was famished... so I decided to sit down, put my feet up, and have my favorite snack...

Cheese and quackers.

A group of fans are discussing their favorite band members

The newest fan of the group can’t decide whether they like the guitarist or vocalist more. Both are hot and both are great musicians.

One of the older fans chimes in, “Well, then consider who’d be better in bed.”

Confused, they respond,” How do I do that?”

“Do you prefer someone...

One of my favorite old Egyptian Jokes

There was some men gathered together, one of them said "if you're scared of your wife, move to the left a couple steps"
Everyone moved except one. So he asked the one guy "why didn't you move?"
He said "my wife told me stay put in this spot."

What’s a fat person’s favorite video game?

Space Invaders

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My favorite pornstar died last night.

I woke up today with mourning wood.

What is a shoe repairman's favorite dessert?

Tearinmyshoe

Which school subject was the witch’s favorite?

Spelling!

What is Belle Delphines favorite TV show?

The Simpsons


Edit:
Came up with that joke by myself. I’m ashamed and proud at the same time.

Who's Donald Trump's least favorite family member?

Aunt Tifa.

What’s a cat’s favorite color?

Purrrrple.


OC from my 6yo.

What is a beaver's favorite snack?

Wood chips.

My uncle's favorite joke.

A man with a wooden eye was always nervous asking girls to dance. He was always scared they would find his wooden eye too scary and say no. But he saw a pretty girl with a harelip across the dance floor and mustered up the courage to ask her to dance. Once he asked, she was ecstatic and couldn't bel...

What is Pennywise’s favorite candy?

Sour Patch Kids

What is Jesus’s least favorite type of gun?

A nail gun.





Ohhh... that’s in bad taste.

My favorite movie is without a doubt

Mrs. Fire

What’s Karen’s favorite song

Mask off by future




Edit : THANK YOU FOR MY FIRST EVER GOLD!

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What is Bill Cosby's favorite type if pudding?

Pudding his dick where it doesn't belong.

What is the cannibal King's favorite joke during diner ?

"There's a heir in my soup !"

My favorite gambling event is horse racing, but I’m bad at it.

No matter how hard I try, the horses are just way faster.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a homosexual person's favorite hot beverage?

LGB-Tea

What's a Karen's favorite drink?

Whine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a conspiracy theorist’s favorite sex position?

69/11 was an inside job

President Ronald Reagan's favorite joke...

There once were twin boys, age six, that had developed extreme personalities. One was a pessimist the other a total optimist. Concerned, their parents took them to a psychiatrist.

First, the psychiatrist treated the pessimist. Trying to brighten his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a roo...

What's the police's favorite gaming console?

WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U

My favorite jokes are about bacteria.

They’re no-brainers.

What's an Alabaman's favorite dating site?

23andMe

What's a Pirate's favorite programming language?

Python.

It's really readable and flexible, and has great scientific packages, so most people are pretty fond of it.

I was driving around town when I saw that a big bargain sale was going on in my favorite store.

I instantly stopped the car and entered the store.

Turns out this was a sting operation to arrest me.

I was charged with braking and entering.

What's Forest Gump's favorite kind of pasta?

Penne

This is my all time favorite joke

Old man: I love my job

Young boy: all you do is round up sheep

Old man: what did you say to me?

Young boy: you herd

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My least favorite sexual position is COVID-69

The masks really take the sensation away.

Whats the Pope’s favorite cheese?

Swiss because it’s holy

What’s the Canadian curling team’s favorite board game?

Sorry Sliders

What is a dyslexic's favorite food group?

I'm not certain, but they seem to write to "Dear Dairy" quite a bit...

I reached into the washing machine to find my favorite shirt destroyed. It looks like it was murdered.

It was a casual T.

What's a cats favorite streaming service?

MeowTV

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What is a porn star’s favorite pokemon?

Squirtle.

whats Sylvester Stallone's favorite ice cream?

rocky road

What was Vladimir Lenin’s favorite bird?

the Common Tern

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My favorite sex position is called the USA.

It's where I get fucked by a bunch of rich folks and then left to rot afterwards.

What's a pirates favorite sci-fi book?

Aye, Robot

Who is a Boston Terrier’s favorite classical composer?

Bach

What is an incel’s favorite fruit?

Cantaloupe

What’s a bee’s favorite warlord?

Attila the Honey

My favorite Mitch Hedberg joke:

I had a parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say "I'm hungry", so it died.

What is a Pirate’s favorite crime to commit?

ARR-son!

So I asked a kid from Saudi Arabia what his favorite method of suicide was

He perked up and said you want to know how to start a newspaper column

What's Indiana Jones's least favorite band?

The Rolling Stones

What's the Muslims' favorite state in the USA?

Alahbama.

What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?

A Trombone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a chickens favorite type of porn?

Hen-tai.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of my grandpa’s favorite jokes

Back in the 1950s, traveling salesmen would come to rural areas and get some good customers out of it. One of these was Jack. He’s traveling on a dirt road when all of a sudden his tire pops.

He gets out of the car and realizes that he doesn’t have a spare. “Ah, shit!” he exclaims, mad that t...

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

What is a dog’s favorite food?

Fetchtables!

from my very proud 5yo

I finally named my favorite speaker today

Sir Round Sound

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One of my favorites

So three men crash land on an island in the middle of the ocean. They are soon captured by a tribe of cannibals. The leader tells each man to go find ten of a fruit and come back to the village. Each man, not wanting to be eaten, goes and gets the fruit.

The first man comes back with kiwis. T...

What's Vlad the impalers favorite joke?

This bar goes into a guy...

What is God's favorite chord?

G-sus.

My least favorite subject in school was Ancient History.

The teachers tended to Babylon

My girlfriend broke up with me at our favorite date spot. I was so shocked and heartbroken I got up and immediately stormed out the door.

And that's how I fell off the Ferris wheel.

What was Bruce Lee's favorite drink?

WATAAAAAAAAA ! ! !

My favorite joke appropriate for anyone

A bear walks into a bar. Bartender says ‘what can I get you?” The bear says
“A rum..............................................................................................and coke.”
The bartender says “why the big pause?”
The bear says “I dunno, I was born with them!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The science teacher asked Johnny, "What is your favorite planet, Johnny?"

"Hmm..." Johnny thought, as the classmates started to laugh.

"Please don't say it," the teacher sighed.

"I was gonna say Mars," said Johnny "but Uranus looks good too!"

The local drunk rushes into his favorite bar

The local drunk rushes into his favorite bar and yells at the bar man "Hurry up and give me a bear I got a scary feeling of claustrophobia"

The bar man goes "Claustrophobia? Do you even know what that means?"

The drunk responds "Oh look at this genius that knows everything, Claustropho...

What is Jeffrey Epstein’s favorite killstreak in Call of Duty?

The Predator Missile.

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