The 108+ Best Favorite Jokes

What's the stormtrooper's favorite store?

The one next to Target.

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Joke told by my 90 year old grandma

A business man who owns a company wanted to travel for a business meeting. He was scared that his wife was gonna cheat on him with his employees while he's gone, so he decides to put a machine on his wife's thighs that will cut off anything that comes near it.
He traveled and finally came back, h...

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I got a boner when I read that my favorite porn star died

I had mourning wood.

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Each year I eagerly anticipate this day so I can share my favorite Dad Joke of all time:

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This wo...

My Favorite Cowboy Joke

A cowboy walks into a bar. He says to the barkeep, “I’ll have a shot of your best tequila.”

The bartender serves him the tequila and he knocks it back, slams the shot glass on the bar, and shouts, “T.G.I.F.”

A Latino man, sitting across the bar from the cowboy, orders a shot of the sam...

What was Helen Keller's favorite color?

Cordaroy

My swimmer friend asked me “what’s your favorite stroke?”

Apparently the one that killed Margaret Thatcher wasn’t an answer

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Classic Catholic Joke, “The Son of a Bitch”

I’ve been Catholic all of my life, and this is one of my favorite jokes of all time.

One of the parish priests from the Cathedral went on a fishing trip. On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish & proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the ...

What is a kidnappers favorite type of shoes?

White vans.

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almost forgot it was my cake day! here's my favorite joke. it's not about cake

On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse s...

Let me tell you my favorite knock knock joke!

You start

What is a phlebotomist’s favorite song?

“You’re So Vein.”

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A man died of Viagra overdose...

His favorite movie always had been "Die Hard".

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This is my absolute favorite "so bad it's good" joke

A man went to the doctor with a horrible itch in his ass. After an examination, the doctor gave him his diagnosis:

\- You have an enormous tapeworm in there. This is not a matter of normal treatment, so my advice to you is to insert a boiled egg in your anus followed by a gummy bear. Call me ...

What's a golfers' favorite type of music?

Swing.

What's the favorite drink of the Guardians of the Galaxy?

Groot beer

I finally, after 35 years, have made my own two line joke

What’s a gooses’s favorite vegetable?

Asparagoose.

What’s the best Chuck Norris joke you’ve ever heard?

My personal favorite is: Chuck Norris was once bitten by a cobra snake. After 3 long days of suffering, the snake died

What's Michael Jacksons favorite gaming console?

Nintendo Wii-heeee

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Poop jokes aren't exactly my favorite

but they're a solid number two!

Glass eye joke

A joke from my granddad. Maybe his favorite. "A man goes to the bank to ask for a loan. He presents his case to the banker. The banker turns him down. The man ask 'Do you mind if I ask if you wear a glass right eye? The banker replies 'Yes. What made you ask that?' The man replied 'I thou...

It’s a good thing our favorite sports drink was invented at University of Florida…

If it was developed at Florida State University, Gatorade might have been called Seminole Fluid instead.

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Italians do it better

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Luigi was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.

Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he...

What is Indiana Jones' least favorite band?

Rolling Stones.

There are two wind turbines in a field...

And one day, one asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?" "Well," says the other, "I'm a big metal fan."

Did I ever tell you the joke about my favorite garden herb?

No? Well, it’s about thyme!

My girlfriend asked me who my favorite vampire was...

I told her it was the dude from Sesame street

She said, "He doesn't count."

I said, "Oh I assure you, he does."

(obligatory cake day joke)

What is a Viking’s favorite car?

…….a Fjord Explorer.

What was Oedipus’s favorite flavor profile?

Umami

What is Goofy’s favorite brand of shoes?

Hyuck Taylors

NSFW A dog and a cat are having an argument about who is the favorite with humans. The dog says, “humans like us more; they even named a tooth after us (the canine). Naming an important body part after us proves they like dogs more.”

The cat smiles and says, “Guess what? You are not going to win this one”

What is Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?

HAND EYEEEEEEEEEE

It's a well known fact that humorists are more intelligent than the run of the mill average joe on the street. It's also a well known fact that it's not always a good idea to flaunt those extra smarts.

One day, the royal court was lounging around in a bored state. Without thinking, the jester suddenly voiced an opinion, "You know, there are times when the apology for an offense is worse than the original action."

The king immediately glowers and says, "If you can't prove that, Jester, I thi...

A man lay dying in his bed in the upstairs bedroom when all of a sudden...

...he could smell his favorite cookie in the whole world: chocolate chip. His mouth watering, he slowly made his way out of bed and crawled to the stairs, where he painstakingly went down step by aching step. At the bottom of the stairs he sat down to rest. After a moment, the smell of the cooki...

What’s the drunk Mexican’s favorite book?

Tequila Mockingbird

What’s an avocados favorite arcade game?

Guac-a-Mole

I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events

Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.

One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.

Have you heard the story of the two skunks named In and Out?

They lived in the forest with their mother skunk. And whenever In was in, Out was out. And whenever In was out, Out was in.

One day, when In was out and Out was in, mother skunk said to Out, "Out, I need you to go out and bring In in."

So Out went out and immediately brought In in. <...

What is Sherlock Holmes' favorite type of rock?

Sedimentary, my dear Watson.

It's my cake day, so one of my favorite jokes ... A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150.

His parents look at the truck and ask, "Where did you get that truck?!"

"I bought it today," he says. "With what money?" says his mother. They knew what a new F150 cost.

"Well," he says, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars."

The father looks at him like he's crazy. "Who wo...

What's a chemists favorite precipitate?

SNow.

A man goes to prison for robbery.

After getting sorted, processed, and settled, it's lights out and he gets ready to sleep. After a few minutes he hears someone yell out "Forty Six!" and the whole cell block erupts in laughter. A few more moments pass and someone else calls out "Sixteen!" and again, the whole cell block starts laugh...

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An atheist dies, goes to hell, and finds himself in a lush park with butterflies.

His physical body has transformed back into its prime and he's then greeted by Satan who says "Why hello there! Welcome to hell. Let me show you around, you're gonna love it here."

Satan points to a nice house and says "what do you think of this house?" The atheist replies "It's beautiful, I ...

What is Jesus Christ's favorite metal band?

Nine Inch Nails

My favorite time of the day is 23:59:59

It's second to none.

What's Peter pan's favorite place to eat out?

Wendy's.

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Three surgeons are talking about their favorite kinds of patients.

"My favorite patients are librarians." says the first surgeon. "They're easy to operate on because their organs are all in alphabetical order."

"My favorite patients are mathematicians." says the second surgeon. "They're easy to operate on because all their organs are numbered."

"My fa...

What's Fozzie Bear's favorite chip dip?

Guaca-wocka-mole

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Donald Trump was asked " what is 2+2"??

"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, 'Sir!, What's 2+2?' And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can't believe it. Ad...

What’s Adele’s favorite dessert?

Jello from the other side

What is a Karen’s favorite film?

Minority Report

What is a tooth’s favorite candy?

Gum

Vladimir Putin loses his favorite watch

He calls in his most trusted officers and tells them to stop at no expense to root out the thief and his accomplishes.

Three days later he asks for a report.

The head officer says, "We've made progress. Twelve accomplishes, after sufficient torture, have admitted their involvement an...

What’s a pirate’s favorite movie?

RRR

What is a Marvel villain's favorite monosaccharide?

Galactose

What is a plants favorite instrument?

A photo-synth-esizer

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My favorite joke for my cake day

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Japanese man are hired at a construction site.
The foreman says to the Italian "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Asian "You're in charge of supplies. Now, I have to leave for a little while."
Later when...

What's an abductor's favorite kind of shoe?

Unmarked, white Vans

Helen Keller's Favorite Joke

What do you call two blind people playing tennis?

Eternal love.

What is Jesus’ favorite kind of exercise?

Crossfit

What's Ned Flanders' favorite exercise?

Diddly-squats!

What is a cow's favorite defunct social media app?

bo-Vine

What's a computer's favorite pop star?

A Dell

What is a baker’s favorite song by “The Cars”?

“Just What I Kneaded”

What’s God’s favorite beer?

Busch Light

What's a bodybuilder's favorite arcade game?

"Ass-steroids." [(Asteroids)](https://youtu.be/_TKiRvGfw3Q)

What’s Icarus’ least favorite food?

hot wings

Favorite Amphibian Joke

I'm sure many of you have heard this, but it's one of my favorite frog jokes:

A man walks into a bar with a large frog growing out of his forehead. The bartender couldn't help staring at it, finally he had to ask: "Where did that come from?" The frog looked him straight in the eyes and croake...

What is your least favorite type of race?

Me personally I don't like marathons

Who's your favorite artist?

UN: "Who's your favorite artist?"

Israel: "Netta!"

UK: "Dua Lipa!"

Zimbabwe: "Fifty trillion Zimbabwean Dollars!"

UN: "What?"

Zimbabwe: "I'm sorry! 50 Cent, for you!"

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What is a chronic masturbator’s favorite piece of attire?

A jacket.

What is Forrest Gump’s favorite pasta?

Penne

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My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he sai...

What's a stoners favorite kind of coffee?

Iced Mocha Latte

What’s Han Solo’s favorite gum?

Big League Chewie

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What is a hippies favorite kind of sex?

Aural

What's Poseidon's favorite instrument?

The sea bass

What's a pirate's favorite cheese?

Jarrrrrlsberg

What's Owen Wilson's favorite MMORPG?

WOW

Jesus's favorite gun

My uncle is a member of the NRA. He came over for the Christmas dinner wearing a shirt with Jesus on it. I noticed his shirt and complimented it.

He then took his jacket off and showed me the back. On it, Jesus was holding a PK in one hand and an AK-47 on the other. Above it was text th...

what's a duck's favorite snack?

Quackers

Green is my favorite color.

Green is my favorite color. I love it even more than blue and yellow combined.

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My favorite burn I've gotten for being trans

I was born female and transitioned to male. Early on in my transition, my gf and I were playing a video game, and I called her a noob when she died.

Her: Yeah okay Pinocchio.

Me: Pinocchio?

Her: You know... "I want to be a real boy!"

Edit: thanks for all the support and a...

What’s a Christian’s favorite flower? Jesus Rose.

Just wrote this and said it to my wife. She laughed.
Happy Easter y’all!

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My friend asked me "What's your favorite album?"

I said "It's the one with a baby's penis on the cover".

He said "Nevermind."

What is a Pirate's favorite letter?

The one from the General Manager telling him he's been traded to the Mets.

Thanks to everyone who awarded this post! You're so kind .

What’s a pirate’s favorite Beatles song?

“Blackbeard singing in the dead of night…”

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Two cowboys are out riding the range and talking about their favorite sex positions

The first cowboy says the “rodeo” position is his favorite.

The second cowboy says he’s never heard of it before and asks how to do it.

The first cowboy responds, “Well, you mount your lady from behind then reach down and grab her tits. Then you whisper ‘these feel almost as good as ...

What's Hank Hill's favorite band?

PROPAIN!

I found a cd at a thrift store for a band actually called PROPAIN, made up this joke on the spot (maybe it's old idk) and made myself giggle, so I had to buy it, now I keep it in our minivan and break it out as my favorite dad joke whenever I have someone in it lol

To my favorite pond of water that completely evaporated last night:

You will be mist.

What is a soldier's favorite month?

March

What was The Mountain’s favorite fast food restaurant?

Popeyes

What's a pirate's favorite periodic element?

Gold. What would a pirate want to do with Argon?

What is Robespierre’s favorite song?

“Heads Will Roll”.

What’s the dominatrix lemon’s favorite band?

Sublime

Want to know Quasimodo’s favorite Christmas song?

Jingle bells!

What’s Leonardo DiCaprio’s least favorite kind of wine?

Aged.

what is an English teachers favorite cereal?

Synonym toast crunch

If Jesus Christ came in the modern day, what would his favorite gun be?

Nail gun

What is a pirate's favorite comic book company?

You may've thought it was Marrrrrvel, but his first love is always DC.

What’s a sheep’s favorite weapon?

Baaahzooka

What is a trigonometry teacher's favorite animal?

A Hippopotenuse.

After my dad died, I went to his favorite park to scatter his remains

A park employee came running, yelling "STOP! You cant do that here!"

I said "Why not?"

He said "You have to cremate him first!"

What's Mario's favorite Hawaiian island?

O'ahu!

What is Beetlejuice's favorite TV Channel?

It's Showtime!

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?

WAAAATAAAA!!!!

(Gotta say it is loud kung foo fighting noise). It’s a winner every time.

Bartender: this scotch is my favorite, it's aged twenty fi----

Leonardo DiCaprio: [spits it out]

I got kicked out of my favorite Vietnamese restaurant and told I can never come back.

How dare they banh mi!

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