Someone has spray painted a swastika on Donald Trump's star on The Hollywood Walk of Fame.

The police are still trying to figure out if it was a supporter or an opponent.

I didn't become a surgeon for the money; I didn't do it for the fame either

I just didn't become a surgeon

What do yo get if you’re inducted into the serial killer hall of fame?

A lifetime dismembership.

A dad is lost in the Dad Joke Hall of Fame...

He's looking around when he comes upon a hallway full of people. At the other end of the hallway he sees a boxer just knocking people out one at a time. So, he quickly pushes past all of the people and asks the boxer,

"Excuse me sir, is this the punchline?"

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For BB King's birthday his wife wanted to give him something very special. BB, as famous as he was, already had pretty much everything a person could want, money, fame and happiness.

BB's wife decided to get "BB" tattooed on her butt in such a way that a "B" is on each buttcheek. That night, after eating dinner and cake, she decided to give BB her gift. After explaining that her gift was very special, and that he'll see a very, very special name, she proceeded to bend over and p...

Heavy Metal Icon Rob Halford abandoned fame to live as a monk in a Tibetan monastery...

Buddhist Priest.

Rodney Dangerfield joke

I have a new girlfriend. Thankfully, she loves me for my money and my fame. Not for who I am.

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A man wanted to become a rich and famous painter...

But he lacked the skills. So the Devil came to him and said "I will make you a world class painter, you'll be rich and famous. In exchange, I want your soul." The painter agreed, and Lucifer snapped his fingers. A set of brushes appeared, which Satan quickly possessed. After being possessed by Satan...

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How do architects, engineers and male pornstars gain fame?

Through their erections

Today I learned the fame of Albert Einstein pales in comparison to his brother whose work in cellular regeneration has been the subject of many books and several movies.

His name was Frank.

A professor told his class: " Fame will come to you only after you succeed!" A blonde asked ..

**"Who is 'Sid' ?"**

(not my own, unknown origin)

Jon Bon Jovi was inducted into the Rock hall of fame

I asked him, "aren't you disappointed and ashamed you aren't in the more prestigious Rock & ***Roll*** hall of fame?"



He said "Woah, we're halfway there".

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My claim to fame is that I once met John Lennon on a train when we were both young men.

"John," I said. "Can you imagine all the people sharing all the world?"
He thought about it for a minute, then shook my hand. "Thank you," he said, "one day I might just write a song about this moment."
And he did, the rarely heard album track "Some Random Cunt I Met On A Train One Day".

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Ole, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to Minnesota to have portraits done.

One day, a stretch limo pulled up to his house.

Inside was a beautiful woman, who asked Ole if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request of Ole.

The woman said money was no object. She was willing to pay $50,000.

Not wanting to get in...

Guitar Horse

A horse and his mother are in the barn watching TV when an ad comes on. It's for a music school that can teach anyone to play any insturment, guaranteed. The horse has always wanted to be play the guitar, so he calls them up.

"Hey, I want to learn to play the guitar," he says, "Can you teach ...

You're not the Trump's Hall of fame star but...

If I could, I would smash you

Have a nice day!

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The horse, the cow, and the chicken[LONG]

So a horse, a cow, and a chicken live on a farm. One day their owner goes on vacation but accidentally leaves the TV on. The animals peek in the window and witness a rock concert on the TV, theyre inspired.

So the horse calls up guitar center, and asks “hey I want to learn the guitar, but the...

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

Herman Cain is going to find out about the Coronavirus 5x5x5 plan.

Positive test within 5 days of TrumpRallyTulsa

He spread Coronavirus to least 5 of his friends

He only has 5 minutes left of his 15 minutes of fame

Heard this joke from a little kid. Why was the broken phonograph in the Hall of Fame?

Because it broke all the records.

A man was praying to god for money and fame.

Another one comes and sneers at him, 'i always pray for honesty, modesty and other noble qualities in life'.

The man says 'very well mister, one always asks for the things they don't have!'

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At the command

It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage, he announced,

"*Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a t...

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Factual Headlines

Day 1: A famous priest arrives in Seattle airport gets accosted by a reporting asking, "Sir, what are your thoughts about Seattle prostitutes?"

The priest responded, "There are prostitutes in Seattle?"

*News headline the next day: "Famed priest asks about prostitutes upon arriving Seat...

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One day, a ridiculously bored King in a small town decided to have a contest and the winner would choose, either to marry his daughter, gold and riches... Or name anything that he desires.

Whomsoever jumps down the moat filled with crocodiles, swims to the sides and climbs back up unharmed shall win the contest and name his price.

The crowd gathered near the edge of the moat where the king shouted:

"Is anyone brave enough to entertain me?". And noone dared to respond.<...

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.


The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.


Aware of h...

Picabo Street is a former World Cup alpine ski racer and model. When she was inducted into the National Ski Hall of Fame in 2004, her home town of Triumph, Idaho dedicated an entire wing of the local hospital to her.

It's called the Picabo ICU.

Stephen King's Sons

When Stephen King’s twin sons were born, he had a hard time coming up with names for them. Finally, after several hours of thinking, he managed to pull a couple out of the air.

“I’ll name the first son Joseph, after my great-grandfather.”“Fine, and what about the other one?” His wife asked....

Once there was a girl named Darling...

... had a particularly rough childhood because of her uncommon name. She always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school and hated her parents for the pain they inflicted on her. By the time she graduated school, however, she overcame her anger and embraced her unusual name finding it brought her so...

Why are the Pro Football Hall of Fame and the Cleveland Browns in the same state?

To keep all the busts in one place.

An Irish lad just graduating school embarks on his career in business.

Found employment in a nice village. Being a bit of an introvert, took him a few months to venture into the local pub. Asked the bartender for 3 pints, and he took them back into a dark corner table, drank the 3 and left. After a few days, when he ordered his usual 3, the barkeep said "Ya know lad, I...

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A horse is sitting at home bored on a Saturday afternoon... (long)

He decides its about time he gets into a new hobby, so he looks up the nearest guitar instructor, and gives him a call.

"Hey, can you teach me how to play guitar?"

The instructor replies, "well of course, its what they pay me for,"

"Well... there's just one problem," says the ...

Many years ago, there was a sculptor.

He was a true master at his craft, and he worked hard every day to provide the finest replicas, busts, and statues to the rich and noble. He was held in very high regard, and his name spread across land and oceans and many sought to acquire one of his rare sculptures.

However, even with the ...

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F#ck Fame

A guy goes into a recording studio and hands the engineer what must be 50 grand in cash. He says, "I want you to record exactly what I say, then use the leftover money to print up as many CDs as you can, and send them to every record label head, A&R rep, talent scout and manager in the business....

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Claim to fame

Celebrities walk on red carpet because they are famous.

I walk on toilet paper because I'm the shit!

Mystery Ink Reddit Bull, Claims Alaska Girl

Pics are expected to prove supposed underground print version of famed forum made with "disappearing ink" a hoax.

Breaking news!

Corona Virus claims a black belt. Chuck Norris, Dead at 80.

Carlos Ray “Chuck” Norris, famous actor and fighter, died yesterday afternoon at his home in Northwood Hills, TX at the age of 80.

Chuck Starred in dozens of movies and Tv series which have, and continue to entertain millions ...

There was once a man by the name of Austin Richard Post

He thoroughly enjoyed writing music, but could never quite find people who would want to make music with him; this often left him secluded in his life. Disappointed by his lack of fame and a band, he talked to a local bartender, surrounded by drinks, about his situation.

"I just don't unders...

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****NSFW****Little Johnny and Little Susie

One day on the playground little Johnny and little Susie were playing. Little Johnny stopped and said.

"I got something awesome wanna see?"

Little Susie said yes.

So little Johnny pulls down his pants an underwear and shows her his penis.

"My daddy says this is my peni...

Everyone knows how Bert the Brown Nose reindeer got his name, but nobody knows how Rudolph did

Rudolph the regular nose reindeer was on sabbatical and took a brief trip through Portland Maine.

While Rudolph and his life partner Gary were there, they spotted a fortune teller on the other side of the street. As the pair crossed the road, a truck carrying industrial red naval paint swerv...

The Cheerio Story

They call it... the Cheerio Story

So there's this Cheerio walking down the street one day when he finds a magic lamp. He gives it a rub, and a genie popa out and says
> Mortal Cheerio, for freeing me from my prison, I shall grant you three wishes.

The cheerio thinks on this... an...

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A horse at a barn sees a music video...

...and decides he wants to play the guitar so he calls a local music shop: "Hey, I'm a horse but I want to play the guitar. Do you think you can help me?" Shop owner replies: "Sure, come on over, we'll get you a guitar and teach you how to play it." So the horse spends weeks and weeks learning how t...

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One day a business man notices a little shop and decides he’ll check it out.

Where stands an old man. Before the business man could introduce himself. The old man, thinking that he is the town’s famed storyteller, began his great legend.

He started,”Do ye feel the sturdiness of this here frame? I built it with mine own two hands. But they don’t call me Poltroon the bu...

Caesar on Cleopatra:

I, Caesar, when I learned of the fame
Of Cleopatra, I straightway laid claim.
Ahead of my legions,
I invaded her regions,
I saw, I conquered, I came.

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The Giant Tapeworm

The fattest man in the world was proud of his accomplishment, he made a good living doing interviews and doing meet and greets for people in awe of his size. He noticed over time he was suddenly losing weight rapidly through no effort of his own. He ate more to compensate but still continued drop...

Want to know the sad truth about Mozart?

Despite his fame, he died baroque and worthless.

A British Gentleman visits India..

He landed in the state of West Bengal, the former seat of the East Indian Company.

Dressed in classic gentlemanly fashion he decided to start the tour by visiting the famed Victoria Memorium Hall. Taken aback by the marvellous architecture, he stopped the nearest passerby and asked, "Who mad...

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Climbing the Ladder to Success

Joe walks along a road and comes across a man standing next to a ladder that stretches up into the clouds. He walks up to the man and asks what's going on.

"Oh, this? This is the ladder to success," the man replies.

"Interesting," Joe mumbles. "I was just fired from my job and caugh...

There was boy named Billy and he wasn't very smart

He lived with his mother in a small town. Nobody liked him because he was really stupid, least of all his school teacher who was always annoyed with him.

One day Billy's mother came to the school to learn how her son was doing. The teacher plainly told the mother that her son was a complete...

A woman goes to a fortune teller

"Can you read people's futures?" asked the woman.

"Of course dear," said the old fortune teller peering into her crystal ball, "I have predicted many events and have given people their futures accurately. Now, what would you like to know?"

The woman was hesitant and doubtful but asked ...

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A bright and brash Australian,

the hunter was his name.

All those slimy reptiles

brought him wealth and fame.

Some say he was a looker,

to girls he was a dish.

He knew everything about crocodiles

But fuck all about fish.

Peyton Manning goes to heaven

Peyton Manning, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Colts flag in the window. “This house is yours for eternity, Peyton,” said God. “This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here.”

Peyton...

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The Genie

One day a man is walking on Malibu beach when he found a genie lamp. He rubbed it, and a genie appeared. The genie said "I will grant you one wish. Anything in the world is yours!" The man sits at the spot he found the genie and thought. And thought. And thought. He told the genie "I don't want anyt...

A pair of newlyweds go golfing...

A pair of young newlyweds decide to go golfing at an upscale resort. They get up early Sunday morning, load up their clubs, and drive the hour and half to the remote location. On the first tee, they are astounded to see multi-million dollar homes lining the course, the rising sun catching stained pl...

A horse wanted to start a band.

It has always been a dream of his, the horse. He always fantasized about the day he’d sell out avenues with his talented bandmates. He thought to himself, “today, I will make my dream come true. No more waiting around.” Only problem is, he doesn’t know how to play any instrument, though he did have ...

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A Sailor Walks into a Bar

He sits at the bar, and the bartender notices that he has a head the size of a baseball. The bartender then asks him what happened to his head? The sailor begins to tell his story.

"So I was stranded at sea, and I was approached by a mermaid who granted me three wishes. The first wish was for...

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A king hired a professional thief

The king wants to steal the national treasure of the neighboring kingdom, something that, if he owns, he'll have the right to rule BOTH countries. He sent out a call across the land for the best, sneakiest, and most ruthless assassins, thieves, brigands, and highwaymen and stated their crimes would ...

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The Seven Dwarfs are in The Vatican

The Seven Dwarfs, of Snow White fame, are in Vatican City, where they've managed to get an audience with the pope. Dopey asks the pope, "Papa, are there any dwarf nuns here in the Vatican?" The old man ponders this unusual question for a moment, and responds no, there are no dwarf nuns here in the V...

A critic reserves a table at a popular restaurant

It's quite posh, but the restaurant's real claim to fame is the speed of service.

Sure enough, everything flows like clockwork. The diner is seated shortly after arriving, and a waiter arrives quickly to take his order.

While he's waiting for food, the man kids around the restaurant. T...

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A Brit walks into a bar in Mississippi.

The bartender, taking note of the man's rather non-local appearance, shook his head and handed the man a beer - he didn't want to be at the butt-end of some lame joke.

The other bargoers, however, didn't seem to have the same inclination, and so began pestering the Brit.

"Well lookie h...

Tommy at the rodeo

A city slicker, named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him to the local rodeo especially to see the greatest bucking bronco of all time, Blue Steel.

Blue Steel was famed and renowned throughout the West for being the toughest meanest horse there ever...

Le'veon Bell is a famous football player,

However his fame fails in comparison to his older brother, Taco.

Two Boll Weavels

There were once two brothers that happened to be boll weavels. They lived in Nashville, TN and both loved country music. One brother desired more than just to destroy crops and listen to the radio, so he learned to play guitar. He got so good, he became a successful country music star. Fame and fort...

A young kid from the inner city only ever dreamed of being a dancer

Lacey worked really hard and started to gain some attention until a tragic accident destroyed her left knee. She lost her job at the dance company and thus her insurance, leaving her with a shattered knee and broken dreams.

Then she saw a commercial for these brand new knee replacements, Mah...

Usain Bolt wins a race in Europe [x-post from /r/meanjokes because it's not very offensive]

and goes out after to celebrate.

But he is refused service at the first pub he goes to. The barman shakes his head and says, "Sorry, we do not serve your type here."

Bolt is not happy to hear this and orders his drink again. But the barman refuses to serve him, "Sorry, there`s a place ...

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Why I changed my name

Well, for my story to make any sense, I need to clarify that I'm somewhat of a celebrity in my country. I think even internationally people have heard about me, though I'm not too sure about it (fortunately the people who know about me also tend to be technologically a bit behind the curve, so you d...

A British fellow just doesn't understand why people like cricket.

He tries, he tries so hard. He knows it's his national sport. He also doesn't care much for football and rugby, and always feels left out at the pub. Then one day, he comes in early for a pint, and there's this strange game on the screen. "What's that game up there, Albert?" Albert looks baffled, "w...

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A Man Goes to the Circus

A man goes to the circus. It's his first time, and he's pretty nervous about it. During an intermission, one of the clowns approaches the microphone and says "We are giving a special prize to the person sitting in section A, Row 12, seat D."

It's the man! He stands up, very nervous, and the c...

Johnny, Billy and Jimmy are discussing girls at their high school.

Johnny said, “Mindy Carlson let me kiss her in the playground after Math—she’s one of the greats.”

“That’s nothing,” said Billy, “Madison let me kiss her with tongues in the gym after Chemistry—she’s a Hall-of-Fame-girl.”

Little Jimmy just shook his head. “You know Becca Sampson? S...

Kurg Industries' Story

Kurg Industries was a famed company well-known for producing the highest-quality containers, be it lunchboxes, cardboard packaging or shipping crates.

One Christmas season, they decided to create a new, exclusive and especially high-quality crate to sell off at an auction. Many came to see an...

You have to wonder about a country where the bombs

... are smarter than the high school graduates. At least the bombs can find Iraq on the maps.




(quote by
Alan Whitney Brown of SNL fame)

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I just adore this one from Arthur Koestler.

Under the reign of the second emperor of the Ming Dynasty there lived an executioner by the name of Wang Lun. He was a master of his art and his fame spread through all of the provinces of the Empire. There were many executions in those days, and sometimes as many as fifteen or twenty men to be behe...

I once dated the inventor of the stopwatch.

That was my 15.535 seconds of fame.

In a little-known piece of rock history..

Courtney Love once asked Jon Bon Jovi to name her new band. Bon Jovi jokingly suggested 'Hole'.

Love though this was great - provocative and rude - so she went with it. Her ex, Corey Hart, of 'Sunglasses At Night' fame, did not approve. He sought to confront Bon Jovi on the night of Hole's fi...

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The Peanut Gallery

Somewhere back in the era of grainy black-and-white TV, there was a Saturday kid's show called "Riddle Griddle." It was hosted by Jimmy Valentine, who is now in the Minnesota Broadcasting Hall of Fame.

The show had bleachers where the kids sat, like the "Peanut Galleries" of Mickey Mouse and ...

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A man falls off a boat in a storm and washes up on a deserted beach where he finds a lamp sticking out of the sand.

Figuring "Why the hell not?" the man rubs the lamp and sure enough out pops this super hot female genie. The man can't believe his incredible luck.

"Greetings, Master," she says. "I will grant you whatever you wish, whether it is incredible wealth, love, long life, or all these things. Just k...

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The Wasp who Won America's Heart (shaggy dog)

Deep in the wasp swamps of the wasp Florida keys, there lived a young wasp. Just as a proper wasp does, this wasp worked day and night for the hive. He worked and slaved and gave his all - but this wasp was no regular wasp, for within him was the ambition and the wisdom of a great, great wasp. So, w...

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Once upon a time, there lived a very famous juggler...

He gained notoriety and fame by managing to juggle up to 15 balls at once with impressive dexterity. He could juggle them behind his back, he could juggle them blindfolded, he could even juggle them while standing on his head. His skill was unmatched and all of his shows were sold out, no matter wha...

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An elderly couple from Ohio are planning their 40th anniversary...

The couple, who were rabid basketball fans, had used the last 39 years to have an annual foray into their shared passion for the NBA. They went to games when they could, had gone to the Basketball Hall of Fame (four times so far), but usually just celebrated by getting each other neat collector's i...

What is the difference between a tube and a foolish Dutchman?

One is a hollow cylinder and the other a silly Hollander.


Source (Cause I can't claim fame for Victorian era jokes): http://www.historytoday.com/blog/2011/10/victorian-jokes-best-19th-century-humour

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