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Fame Jokes

(True story) After reaching the height of his fame, Alec Guinness went into a restaurant and dropped his jacket off at the reception..

When it was time to give his name, the Receptionist told him it wasn’t necessary. Feeling flattered, Alec went to his table..

At the end of the night, he went to pick up his jacket. In the pocket of his jacket, there was the ticket stub. On the ticket stub, where his name was supposed to be, ...

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Famed pirates Anne Bonny and Mary Read would board ships with their tits out to distract and intimidate enemy sailors.

It had no effect on their own crew because pirates only care about booty.

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I was hiking in the woods with the famed scatologist, Diedre Oppings,

when we came across a brown mass.

"Bear?", I asked.

"No, clearly canine," she replied. She poked at it with a stick. "I think, a cocker spaniel mix, with..." She took a deep sniff. "Ah yes, poodle."

"You mean...?"

"Yes," she replied. "It's cocker poodle doo."

A dad is lost in the Dad Joke Hall of Fame...

He's looking around when he comes upon a hallway full of people. At the other end of the hallway he sees a boxer just knocking people out one at a time. So, he quickly pushes past all of the people and asks the boxer,

"Excuse me sir, is this the punchline?"

Why is the Hockey Hall Of Fame situated in Toronto?

So that Leafs fans can remember what a Stanley cup looks like.

What do yo get if you’re inducted into the serial killer hall of fame?

A lifetime dismembership.

I didn't become a surgeon for the money; I didn't do it for the fame either

I just didn't become a surgeon

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A circus is in town, famed for it's lion tamer

The evening is unfolding and the anticipated act is upon the audience.

Rings of fire and whips cracking. For the final act the lion tamer climbs up on a pedestal, unzips his pants to pull out his member. The largest and most ferocious lion opens its maw on command. The lion tamer places his e...

The famed Montana Buffalo Steak

A cowboy rode to Montana to try the famed Buffalo Steak he had heard about in his travels. He ventured to a tribe of Natives and asked if they had ever herd of or eaten Buffalo steaks before. He of course did not speak their language, but they understood his silly gestures, nodded and equally gestur...

It's a shame that, for all Weird Al's talents, he'll never know the ultimate height of fame

He'll never be parodied by Weird Al.

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Lock & Stock were a famous pro wrestling tag team. They had a long, successful career, won many titles, had a wonderful retirement match and were inducted into the Hall of Fame of every company they wrestled in.

One day, chilling on the porch and reflecting on the many blessings of their career, Lock asked Stock "You know, I've always wondered; is there pro wrestling in heaven?"

"I've always wondered that myself," Stock replied.

So the two agreed, "Whichever of us gets there first needs to fin...

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F#ck Fame

A guy goes into a recording studio and hands the engineer what must be 50 grand in cash. He says, "I want you to record exactly what I say, then use the leftover money to print up as many CDs as you can, and send them to every record label head, A&R rep, talent scout and manager in the business....

A swastika has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame...

...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.

I logged on to Reddit today and was promised Fame, Fortune, and Women

The cake was a lie.

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How do architects, engineers and male pornstars gain fame?

Through their erections

Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire were finally able to get into the Baseball Hall of Fame by using a Jedi mind trick...

"These are not the 'roids you're looking for ..."

Jon Bon Jovi was inducted into the Rock hall of fame

I asked him, "aren't you disappointed and ashamed you aren't in the more prestigious Rock & ***Roll*** hall of fame?"



He said "Woah, we're halfway there".

A man was praying to god for money and fame.

Another one comes and sneers at him, 'i always pray for honesty, modesty and other noble qualities in life'.

The man says 'very well mister, one always asks for the things they don't have!'

Heavy Metal Icon Rob Halford abandoned fame to live as a monk in a Tibetan monastery...

Buddhist Priest.

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Claim to fame

Celebrities walk on red carpet because they are famous.

I walk on toilet paper because I'm the shit!

Heard this joke from a little kid. Why was the broken phonograph in the Hall of Fame?

Because it broke all the records.

Today I learned the fame of Albert Einstein pales in comparison to his brother whose work in cellular regeneration has been the subject of many books and several movies.

His name was Frank.

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For BB King's birthday his wife wanted to give him something very special. BB, as famous as he was, already had pretty much everything a person could want, money, fame and happiness.

BB's wife decided to get "BB" tattooed on her butt in such a way that a "B" is on each buttcheek. That night, after eating dinner and cake, she decided to give BB her gift. After explaining that her gift was very special, and that he'll see a very, very special name, she proceeded to bend over and p...

Bridge to Hawaii

One day, a man found a lamp in an old antique store and when he picked it up, **POOF** a genie popped out.
"I shall grant you anything you wish, but choose wisely, because I can only grant one." The genie said.
The man thought for a moment before saying, "I want a bridge from California to...

Famed Indian athlete Milkha Singh was known far and wide for his tirelessness...

One day an American tourist saw Singh reclining on a park bench. She asked him, "Are you relaxing?"



After a long pause, Singh shakes his head and says, "No, I'm Milkha Singh."

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms ...

In deference to his fame, Bill Cosby was jailed under a pseudonym.

There he is only known as 'Ben Dover'.

A priest was approached one night by Satan himself.

"Do not be frightened," said Satan. "I have an offer to make. I will make you tremendously powerful, famous and rich in return for just one small favour: half of your ability to hear."

The priest was stunned. "Let me think about it for a few days."

The next morning, the priest requeste...

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My claim to fame is that I once met John Lennon on a train when we were both young men.

"John," I said. "Can you imagine all the people sharing all the world?"
He thought about it for a minute, then shook my hand. "Thank you," he said, "one day I might just write a song about this moment."
And he did, the rarely heard album track "Some Random Cunt I Met On A Train One Day".

Why are the Pro Football Hall of Fame and the Cleveland Browns in the same state?

To keep all the busts in one place.

I know what happened to that crazy frog!

Fame went to it's head. It went so crazy It had to be Kermitted.

You're not the Trump's Hall of fame star but...

If I could, I would smash you

Have a nice day!

A professor told his class: " Fame will come to you only after you succeed!" A blonde asked ..

**"Who is 'Sid' ?"**

(not my own, unknown origin)

Mussolini goes to hell

Its 1945, and its time for Mussolini to go to Hell

As he arrives near the infernal gates, apart from the "no smoking" sign he also spots an imp with a clipboard and a pen

As he approaches the gate the aforementioned imp says

"Welcome to hell, please state your name and surname...

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Farmer Greg

A seasoned farmer named Greg had finally mastered his craft. He toiled day and night to understand every detail to growing the perfect crop. After 30 years he had made enough money to retire, but Greg wanted more. He wanted local recognition and fame.


So he decided to grow the state’s ...

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****NSFW****Little Johnny and Little Susie

One day on the playground little Johnny and little Susie were playing. Little Johnny stopped and said.

"I got something awesome wanna see?"

Little Susie said yes.

So little Johnny pulls down his pants an underwear and shows her his penis.

"My daddy says this is my peni...

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Factual Headlines

Day 1: A famous priest arrives in Seattle airport gets accosted by a reporting asking, "Sir, what are your thoughts about Seattle prostitutes?"

The priest responded, "There are prostitutes in Seattle?"

*News headline the next day: "Famed priest asks about prostitutes upon arriving Seat...

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Harry the horse

Once upon a time, in a quaint little village nestled between rolling green hills, there lived a horse named Harry. Now, Harry was no ordinary horse; he possessed an uncanny ability to make the most mundane situations utterly hilarious. His knack for comedy made him the talk of the town, and villager...

Did you ever hear of Juan the Magnificent?

Juan was just a young man growing up in rural Mexico. He felt he had little chance to grow up and do anything of importance or recognition. He'd grow up and work the land. The same as his father and his grandfather before him.


Until the day he saw the great magician Harry Houdini.

...

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Ole, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to Minnesota to have portraits done.

One day, a stretch limo pulled up to his house.

Inside was a beautiful woman, who asked Ole if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request of Ole.

The woman said money was no object. She was willing to pay $50,000.

Not wanting to get in...

A reporter hears about a new cafe that is a smash hit

He heads on down to see a long line of women outside, all waiting to get inside. Making his way inside, he is shocked to see Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top Fame standing behind the counter, serving tea. He walks up and asks "Hey, aren't you Billy Gibbons?"\\

"Sure am."

"Are the other guys her...

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What's the difference between becoming a famous stand-up comedian by your own devices vs stealing your jokes?

One is luck n' fame, the other is fuckin' lame.

Rodney Dangerfield joke

I have a new girlfriend. Thankfully, she loves me for my money and my fame. Not for who I am.

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The horse, the cow, and the chicken[LONG]

So a horse, a cow, and a chicken live on a farm. One day their owner goes on vacation but accidentally leaves the TV on. The animals peek in the window and witness a rock concert on the TV, theyre inspired.

So the horse calls up guitar center, and asks “hey I want to learn the guitar, but the...

Farm Boy Billy

Billy moves to the city to find fame and fortune.

Billy can't get a job anywhere and asks someone why no one will hire him and is told it's because country folk are dumb. Billy disagrees but the city guy says "I'll show you" and sticks his hand in front of a wall and says "Punch this".
...

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There once was a mathematician.

He made it his life’s goal to tackle one of the greatest unsolved calculus problems in history. For months he worked, filling blackboards with numbers and lines, to no avail.

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

Caesar on Cleopatra:

I, Caesar, when I learned of the fame
Of Cleopatra, I straightway laid claim.
Ahead of my legions,
I invaded her regions,
I saw, I conquered, I came.

Picabo Street is a former World Cup alpine ski racer and model. When she was inducted into the National Ski Hall of Fame in 2004, her home town of Triumph, Idaho dedicated an entire wing of the local hospital to her.

It's called the Picabo ICU.

panties

Captain James T Kirk of Star Trek fame has launched his own range of women’s underwear, the bras are selling well, but it appears that nobody wants to buy a brand of underwear named

“Shatner Panties”.

Second to None

When the Second Division set up shop in South Korea, it did so with its slogan proudly displayed at the front gate: "Second to None". A few months later, a South Korean base opened two miles down the road. The sign greeting visitors read "You are now entering the famed sector of the South Korean ROK...

Herman Cain is going to find out about the Coronavirus 5x5x5 plan.

Positive test within 5 days of TrumpRallyTulsa

He spread Coronavirus to least 5 of his friends

He only has 5 minutes left of his 15 minutes of fame

Want to know the sad truth about Mozart?

Despite his fame, he died baroque and worthless.

Mystery Ink Reddit Bull, Claims Alaska Girl

Pics are expected to prove supposed underground print version of famed forum made with "disappearing ink" a hoax.

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One day, a ridiculously bored King in a small town decided to have a contest and the winner would choose, either to marry his daughter, gold and riches... Or name anything that he desires.

Whomsoever jumps down the moat filled with crocodiles, swims to the sides and climbs back up unharmed shall win the contest and name his price.

The crowd gathered near the edge of the moat where the king shouted:

"Is anyone brave enough to entertain me?". And noone dared to respond.<...

Le'veon Bell is a famous football player,

However his fame fails in comparison to his older brother, Taco.

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A bright and brash Australian,

the hunter was his name.

All those slimy reptiles

brought him wealth and fame.

Some say he was a looker,

to girls he was a dish.

He knew everything about crocodiles

But fuck all about fish.

Usain Bolt wins a race in Europe [x-post from /r/meanjokes because it's not very offensive]

and goes out after to celebrate.

But he is refused service at the first pub he goes to. The barman shakes his head and says, "Sorry, we do not serve your type here."

Bolt is not happy to hear this and orders his drink again. But the barman refuses to serve him, "Sorry, there`s a place ...

I once dated the inventor of the stopwatch.

That was my 15.535 seconds of fame.

TIL: The actor Herve Villechaize (Tattoo from Fantasy Island) gave almost his entire fortune to benefit others that also suffered from dwarfism.

After amassing several million dollars from his role on the famed TV show ('77-'84) and from his role as Nick Nack in The Man With the Golden Gun, Herve dedicated his life to charitable causes that would benefit other "little people". Understanding that they had special needs, he self-funded a hous...

Johnny, Billy and Jimmy are discussing girls at their high school.

Johnny said, “Mindy Carlson let me kiss her in the playground after Math—she’s one of the greats.”

“That’s nothing,” said Billy, “Madison let me kiss her with tongues in the gym after Chemistry—she’s a Hall-of-Fame-girl.”

Little Jimmy just shook his head. “You know Becca Sampson? S...

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At the command

It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage, he announced,

"*Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a t...

There was once a brilliant gastroenterologist.

There was once a brilliant **gastroenterologist** whose fame spread far and wide. He had the reputation of treating the worst of cases with best results. If nothing worked, his magical hand would.

But, this brilliant guy had a deep burning passion of his own. He had always wanted to be an aut...

Everyone knows how Bert the Brown Nose reindeer got his name, but nobody knows how Rudolph did

Rudolph the regular nose reindeer was on sabbatical and took a brief trip through Portland Maine.

While Rudolph and his life partner Gary were there, they spotted a fortune teller on the other side of the street. As the pair crossed the road, a truck carrying industrial red naval paint swerv...

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A Sailor Walks into a Bar

He sits at the bar, and the bartender notices that he has a head the size of a baseball. The bartender then asks him what happened to his head? The sailor begins to tell his story.

"So I was stranded at sea, and I was approached by a mermaid who granted me three wishes. The first wish was for...

What is the difference between a tube and a foolish Dutchman?

One is a hollow cylinder and the other a silly Hollander.


Source (Cause I can't claim fame for Victorian era jokes): http://www.historytoday.com/blog/2011/10/victorian-jokes-best-19th-century-humour

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One day a business man notices a little shop and decides he’ll check it out.

Where stands an old man. Before the business man could introduce himself. The old man, thinking that he is the town’s famed storyteller, began his great legend.

He started,”Do ye feel the sturdiness of this here frame? I built it with mine own two hands. But they don’t call me Poltroon the bu...

There was boy named Billy and he wasn't very smart

He lived with his mother in a small town. Nobody liked him because he was really stupid, least of all his school teacher who was always annoyed with him.

One day Billy's mother came to the school to learn how her son was doing. The teacher plainly told the mother that her son was a complete...

Breaking news!

Corona Virus claims a black belt. Chuck Norris, Dead at 80.

Carlos Ray “Chuck” Norris, famous actor and fighter, died yesterday afternoon at his home in Northwood Hills, TX at the age of 80.

Chuck Starred in dozens of movies and Tv series which have, and continue to entertain millions ...

A scientist has made the greatest breakthrough in human history by discovering how to time travel...

..and after global fame and months of planning how to communicate, how to introduce his people and what to bring he and his assistant time travel back to Ancient Egypt as an ambassador to a famous queen. His visit is able to be broadcasted live to the present in front of billions and Egyptians from ...

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The Seven Dwarfs are in The Vatican

The Seven Dwarfs, of Snow White fame, are in Vatican City, where they've managed to get an audience with the pope. Dopey asks the pope, "Papa, are there any dwarf nuns here in the Vatican?" The old man ponders this unusual question for a moment, and responds no, there are no dwarf nuns here in the V...

Tommy at the rodeo

A city slicker, named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him to the local rodeo especially to see the greatest bucking bronco of all time, Blue Steel.

Blue Steel was famed and renowned throughout the West for being the toughest meanest horse there ever...

Kurg Industries' Story

Kurg Industries was a famed company well-known for producing the highest-quality containers, be it lunchboxes, cardboard packaging or shipping crates.

One Christmas season, they decided to create a new, exclusive and especially high-quality crate to sell off at an auction. Many came to see an...

A British Gentleman visits India..

He landed in the state of West Bengal, the former seat of the East Indian Company.

Dressed in classic gentlemanly fashion he decided to start the tour by visiting the famed Victoria Memorium Hall. Taken aback by the marvellous architecture, he stopped the nearest passerby and asked, "Who mad...

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The Genie

One day a man is walking on Malibu beach when he found a genie lamp. He rubbed it, and a genie appeared. The genie said "I will grant you one wish. Anything in the world is yours!" The man sits at the spot he found the genie and thought. And thought. And thought. He told the genie "I don't want anyt...

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A Man Goes to the Circus

A man goes to the circus. It's his first time, and he's pretty nervous about it. During an intermission, one of the clowns approaches the microphone and says "We are giving a special prize to the person sitting in section A, Row 12, seat D."

It's the man! He stands up, very nervous, and the c...

A British fellow just doesn't understand why people like cricket.

He tries, he tries so hard. He knows it's his national sport. He also doesn't care much for football and rugby, and always feels left out at the pub. Then one day, he comes in early for a pint, and there's this strange game on the screen. "What's that game up there, Albert?" Albert looks baffled, "w...

In a little-known piece of rock history..

Courtney Love once asked Jon Bon Jovi to name her new band. Bon Jovi jokingly suggested 'Hole'.

Love though this was great - provocative and rude - so she went with it. Her ex, Corey Hart, of 'Sunglasses At Night' fame, did not approve. He sought to confront Bon Jovi on the night of Hole's fi...

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The Peanut Gallery

Somewhere back in the era of grainy black-and-white TV, there was a Saturday kid's show called "Riddle Griddle." It was hosted by Jimmy Valentine, who is now in the Minnesota Broadcasting Hall of Fame.

The show had bleachers where the kids sat, like the "Peanut Galleries" of Mickey Mouse and ...

A woman goes to a fortune teller

"Can you read people's futures?" asked the woman.

"Of course dear," said the old fortune teller peering into her crystal ball, "I have predicted many events and have given people their futures accurately. Now, what would you like to know?"

The woman was hesitant and doubtful but asked ...

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A man falls off a boat in a storm and washes up on a deserted beach where he finds a lamp sticking out of the sand.

Figuring "Why the hell not?" the man rubs the lamp and sure enough out pops this super hot female genie. The man can't believe his incredible luck.

"Greetings, Master," she says. "I will grant you whatever you wish, whether it is incredible wealth, love, long life, or all these things. Just k...

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Climbing the Ladder to Success

Joe walks along a road and comes across a man standing next to a ladder that stretches up into the clouds. He walks up to the man and asks what's going on.

"Oh, this? This is the ladder to success," the man replies.

"Interesting," Joe mumbles. "I was just fired from my job and caugh...

An Irish lad just graduating school embarks on his career in business.

Found employment in a nice village. Being a bit of an introvert, took him a few months to venture into the local pub. Asked the bartender for 3 pints, and he took them back into a dark corner table, drank the 3 and left. After a few days, when he ordered his usual 3, the barkeep said "Ya know lad, I...

A young kid from the inner city only ever dreamed of being a dancer

Lacey worked really hard and started to gain some attention until a tragic accident destroyed her left knee. She lost her job at the dance company and thus her insurance, leaving her with a shattered knee and broken dreams.

Then she saw a commercial for these brand new knee replacements, Mah...

A horse wanted to start a band.

It has always been a dream of his, the horse. He always fantasized about the day he’d sell out avenues with his talented bandmates. He thought to himself, “today, I will make my dream come true. No more waiting around.” Only problem is, he doesn’t know how to play any instrument, though he did have ...

Stephen King's Sons

When Stephen King’s twin sons were born, he had a hard time coming up with names for them. Finally, after several hours of thinking, he managed to pull a couple out of the air.

“I’ll name the first son Joseph, after my great-grandfather.”“Fine, and what about the other one?” His wife asked....

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

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A horse is sitting at home bored on a Saturday afternoon... (long)

He decides its about time he gets into a new hobby, so he looks up the nearest guitar instructor, and gives him a call.

"Hey, can you teach me how to play guitar?"

The instructor replies, "well of course, its what they pay me for,"

"Well... there's just one problem," says the ...

An Emperor wanted to prove that he was greater than Alexander the Great

So he visited an elderly Council of Historians who had the power to write an Emperor's legacy after his time and spread his fame far and wide.

He asked them, "O Great Historians, what made Alexander a Great King? I wish to be greater than him and the greatest in human history"

And he ...

Eventually, after living a full life, Tom Brady dies and goes to heaven...

At the Pearly Gates, God tells Brady, "As a reward for such a fine football career I am giving you a house. Now, not everyone gets a house up here, in fact it's quite rare. Tom, consider this is a personal gift from the Lord your God." The Almighty shows him to his new home and Brady is somewhat ta...

A critic reserves a table at a popular restaurant

It's quite posh, but the restaurant's real claim to fame is the speed of service.

Sure enough, everything flows like clockwork. The diner is seated shortly after arriving, and a waiter arrives quickly to take his order.

While he's waiting for food, the man kids around the restaurant. T...

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