UPJOKE
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Final Jokes

As the Kardashians celebrate their 20th and final season...

I would LOVE to congratulate myself for never watching a single episode.
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2 college students accidentally miss the math final exam

The next day they both went to plead with their
professor. He was feeling pretty good that day so he allowed them to retake it. He told them to both come back tomorrow for an oral exam. When they both showed up he told one of them to wait outside while he tests the other. So one enters and the ot...

Finally a smart blonde joke

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz...
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Trump might finally get what he wants the most

He might get to be president for the rest of his life.
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I guess China finally got what they want

They managed to coronise the world.
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I finally found my wife’s G-spot.

Turns out, it’s in her sister.
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A woman was on the way to winning $100,000 on a game show, but her final question was suspended for the next night.

Her husband sneaked into the studio and found the question and answer. He raced home and told his wife "Your question is 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy', and the answer is 'The head, heart and penis.'

The woman thinks about this throughout the night, but keeps forgettin...

What do you call an American in the world cup final.

Ref
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A final CIA test for three men

An American, a Russian and a Bosnian man get to the final test to be admitted to the CIA. An American enters a room where he sees his wife Jennifer. A voice says: " There is a gun on the table, your last test is to kill your wife, no questions asked." American points the gun, but after a while gives...

Finally today a girl kissed me

I wish I could post it in another subreddit :(
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God decides it’s finally time to send Jesus back to Earth.

*poof* All of a sudden, Jesus finds himself on the side of a road in the middle of rural America. He sticks out his thumb for a ride and before long a man in a truck stops to give him a lift.
Not revealing his true identity, Jesus thanks the man for stopping.

Jesus: Wow thank you sir, so ...

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
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NSFW My wife FINALLY agreed to a Star Wars role play in the bedroom

My wife FINALLY agreed to a Star Wars role play in the bedroom...

...The only catch was I had to be Obi Wan, because she always had a thing for Ewan McGregor.

"Of course!" I said, and got to work putting together the sexiest Obi Wan costume I could. I even managed to find Glow in the D...

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A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people...

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, he's offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. The next day, he's led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing hap...

I finally got an A on my essay!

Only 1999 more words to go.
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Genie: What is your final wish?

Boy: I wish I were you!


Genue: Weurd but alrught.
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Trump Finally Gets His Parade

One of Trump's aide says to him, "Sir, I had a dream you got your parade. It was miles and miles long winding through Washington DC. Joyful Americans lined the route, literally in the millions. People were laughing, cheering, playing in the street. You were riding in the most beautiful carriage."...
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There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.

They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.

The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."

The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.

The old country man then goes, "Tim...
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By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

**"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]






Edit1: a typo


Edit2: thanks for the gold humorous stranger!

I finally figured out what’s wrong with my brain.

On the left side, there is nothing right.

On the right side, there is nothing left.
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A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.

The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?”

The guy replies, "Well that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”

The man says back, "That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another close family member to come wi...
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I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football.

Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
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I've finally stopped drinking for good.

Now I drink for evil
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Ok - I finally understand my life.

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other te...
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I was going to finalize my research as to why vaccines are bad today

But all of the research sites are down.
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Today is the final countdown...

4-3-21
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As the man made his way to his seat at the World Cup Final, he couldn't help but feel excited.

But as he sat down by the pitch, he noticed the seat next to him was empty. "What a waste," he thought to himself. "Who would have a seat like this and not use it?"

Curiosity getting the best of him, he leaned over to his neighbour and asked if someone would be sitting there. "No," the nei...
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I failed my final exam on Greek mythology.

It's always been my Achilles elbow
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For Valentine's Day, my wife finally fulfilled a fantasy of mine when dressed up as a nurse.

At last, I got to roleplay having access to healthcare.
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British teenager Emma Raducanu has just won $2.5m by winning the US open final

Sadly she needed 2 band-aids and a bandage for a cut on her leg in the last game, so she still owes about $25k
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Finally unsubscribed from r/nostalgia

The posts there just aren't what they used to be.
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The Rabbi’s Final Lesson

One afternoon, a synagogue’s Senior Rabbi invited the Assistant Rabbi in for a chat.

“Nu? As you know, 53 years I’ve led this Holy Congregation. Next week, I’ll retiring. Before I move to Florida and you never hear from me again, do you have any last questions? Are there any great words of ...
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The chemistry final make up exam.

There were four University sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an A so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday an...
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Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude in a garden, while a sexy and beautiful big breasted nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down ...

Four students plan to arrive late to their final exam so they can take it the next day

By the time they arrive the exam is almost over, so they head over to the professor to ask if they can take it the next day. They tell him they tried their best to come on time, but their tire blew out and it took too long to replace it.

The professor tells them, "Don't worry about it. You ca...
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A guard asks a woman on death row what she’d like for her final meal.

“idk, what do you want?”
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They finally did it, Reddit has made impossible for blind people to moderate their sub with the api changes. This is their last statement from r/blind

"H dhei osndhsjbw siso is koqp odjd jsoa JD djs sis ikksbs"

(I am sorry for this horrible joke and I really hope things may work out for you)
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An older man is finally able to leave the Soviet Union in the late 1980s for the first time in his life.

His wife and son have already left and settled in the States, and he's finally able to go and join them.

On his way out through the Soviet border, the guard looks through his luggage and finds a bust of Lenin.

"What is this?" he asks.

"Don't ask me *what* this is, ask me *who* ...
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Final exam at the FBI

Three men isolated from each other are sitting in a room. The examiner goes to the first man: "Go into the room in front of you, there is your girlfriend inside. She comitted a war crime. Take the gun and kill her." He goes inside and after 10 minutes he came out and said: "Im sorry, i can't do this...

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A woman in her 70s decided it was finally time to get married.

She put an add out in the newspaper. "Husband wanted. Must not beat me, must not walk all over me, must still be good in bed"


She got many applicants but after a few weeks she didn't find anybody suitable. She was about to give up, when she heard her doorbell ring. She opens the door to...

I finally caught her.

I jumped into a cab and asked the driver to follow my wife's car. From a safe distance, I saw her turn into the motel parking lot. I told the cabbie, "I'll pay you an extra $100 if you go in there and bring her out."
Without hesitating, he jumped out of the car and trotted to the motel. After a f...
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Guy has a tapeworm in his intestine and tries many doctors but everybody fails to remove.Finally he tries an alternative doctor whom everybody recommended heavily and visits him.

The doctor says: Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The patient is confused but does as he’s told.

The next day he shows up with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The doctor proceeds to insert both bananas and the Snickers bar up the man’s ass.

The doctor then says ...

A man finally gets a job as a Wal-Mart greeter...

So I finally landed a job as a Wal-Mart greeter, and about two hours into my first day on the job a loud, mean, and unattractive woman enters the store with her two children, yelling obscenities at them the whole way.

Per my greeter instructions, I pleasantly said, "Good Morning and welcome t...
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CIA final test

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background
checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists:
two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of
the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you w...

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally

caught him by the organ.
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my wife finally agreed to a threesome, on the condition that she picks the girl

i replied "nah, honey, i'm gonna pick both of them"
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Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally, sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska, as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it, and a huge, bearded man is standing there. “Name’s Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Hav...

I finally came up with an original joke!

Does anyone know if there's a subreddit for it?
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Finally my winter fat is gone

Now I have spring rolls
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I will never forget my grandfather's final words

"Stop shaking the ladder you little shit!"

I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!

So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"

My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.

It took him a couple of...
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I finally found my wife's G-spot!

Who would have thought her sister had it the whole time?
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What do you call a kid who finally stood up to the bullies?

An ambulance.
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Scientists have finally figured out what happened to all the water that used be Mars

Turns out, the planet was once occupied by Nestle
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I finally, after 35 years, have made my own two line joke

What’s a gooses’s favorite vegetable?

Asparagoose.
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John finally decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend.

One evening, after their honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage, just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally spoke................. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time yo...
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I've been reading so much about the bad effects of smoking, drinking and sex that I've finally decided

To give up reading

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A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet
at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive.
The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years ...

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A college teacher reminds her class of the next day’s final exam.

“Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and ask...

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Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a genie. Delighted, the genie says, "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately shouts out, "I want a billion dollars." *POOF*, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact $1,000,000,003.50.

The second man thinks for a bit, then says, "I want to be the richest man alive." *POOF*, he's holding papers showing his net wor...

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I was at the bar waiting to finally meet a girl that I'd been chatting with on the internet when I got a tap on the shoulder.

“Are you Steve?" the woman asked with a smile.

“You're fucking gorgeous!" I burst out in delight. "Yes, I am Steve.”

“Great," she replied. "There's some fat bitch over there looking for you!"

The chemistry final exams

A chemistry student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How did your finals go?" the bartender asks. "Not so hot," the student replies. "The instructor asked my class to write 1000 words on acid. Unfortunately, I was unable to complete it as my pen turned to a gorilla and the floor melted."
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I finally got on disability

It cost me an arm and a leg though
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After 20 years of dating an Archaeologist, it’s finally over

She was always digging up the past.
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An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion...
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What was the painting's final words?

"First they frame me, then they hang me."
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[Final Cake Day joke] A 70 year old man goes into a brothel. He picks out a young pretty woman, ....

... they go up to her room, strip down and climb into bed.


The old man performs like a teenager, the prostitute is amazed at how energetic and agile he is, she tells him if he can do it like that again, she'll give him one for free.


He says "Yeah, I can, but I need to tak...

I finally understand how batteries feel

Because I'm rarely ever included in things either.
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I'll never forget my Dad's final words

"Son, toss me that hatchet"
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Aliens finally visit Earth.

They come in peace and surprisingly , they speak English.

Obviously, all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the Pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?"
...
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When I am on my death bed surrounded by my friends and family my final words will be

"You guys want to see a dead body?"
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A chemistry professor is giving his final exam...

... he says on the friday before the final, "If you miss the final you have to have a great excuse for missing the final next monday." Two students decide to study together all weekend so all friday night they study, all saturday morning and night they study, then they study all sunday morning and d...

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A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom, I have someone for you to meet!

Well, it was an immediate hit.

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain.

Their first night there, she undressed as he did.

There she stood nude, except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit.

Lo...

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i finally got my first role in a porn movie!!!

I'm the husband leaving for work.

Maybe the Pope just wants to finally get married.

Or settle down with a couple of kids.
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An old Jewish man was finally allowed to leave the Soviet Union, to emigrate to Israel.

When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin.

Customs: What is that?

Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker's paradise!

The official laughed...

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Last time I had sex, it felt like the 100m Olympic final.

There were 8 black men and a gun.

When we finally colonise Mars were will the muslims pray?

The Elon mosque
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We hoped for a good clean World Cup Final.

But instead we got a Messi one.

Congrats to Argentina.
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As of today, I'm finally not a 25 year old virgin anymore.

I'm a 26 year old one.

A man is sitting alone at the World Cup Final when another guy approaches him.

He asks 'Is this seat taken?'

The man replies 'No it's free'

The other man says 'Who would miss their chance to see the World Cup Final??'

The man replies 'It's actually my wife's, she passed away and this is my first World Cup without her.'

'Oh man, you didn't find any f...
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I'm so excited to finally get a dad bod

It's the first time I've ever had a father figure
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My book on clocks finally arrived.

It's about time.
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After years of marriage, I've finally learned the ultimate secret to keep a woman satisfied in bed...

Let her keep sleeping.
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An airline employee makes the final boarding call for a flight.

After she finished the announcement, she spots a man running down the concourse towards the gate. He runs through the boarding area, hurdles a row of empty chairs, and stops at the podium, almost out of breath.

"You just made it!" she says. "Do you have your boarding pass?"

"Oh, thi...
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Scientists finally located the gene that causes shyness

It was hiding behind two other genes.
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The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours.

The blacksmith instructed the boy, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.”

The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he’s the village blacksmith.
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Why did Jabeur lose the U.S. Open Tennis final?

She was Iga to play, but she just couldn't turn it ons.
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We finally removed some ticks from the donkey today.

They were being a pain in the ass.

I finally crossed running a marathon off my bucket list

No chance I was ever going to do it, glad it’s gone.
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After nearly a month of trying, my wife finally told me that she is pregnant.

She has the worst stutter ever.
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A Swiss mountain guide gives his tourists the final instructions on how to behave when climbing the Matterhorn.

"So when crossing from the summit ridge to the HĂśrnligrat, you have to take good care that you don't slip. If a mishap should still happen to you, then do not miss to look sharply to the left after 100 metres of free fall. There you have a fantastic view of the Dufour peak".
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The crowd was tense with excitement as the final three Samurai faced off;

After a long day of competing it was the final round of competition to find who was indeed the master swordsman.

In a final challenge the three men had to show their prowess and concentration by slicing the finest of targets, a mere fly.

The first Samurai steps up to the stage a fly is...
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“It feels nice to finally open up to someone”

Proctologist: “Please don’t make this weird”
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My brother always lies, today he finally admitted to being a pathological liar

Yeah, like I'm falling for that
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Scientists finally found out, how much sleep humans exactly need:

just five more minutes
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Finally they named the book about the Titan Submarine.

20,000 Leaks Under the Sea
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Scientists have finally managed to grow human vocal cords in a test tube

The results speak for themselves
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Two college students have their most important final exam next week...

But they've chosen to spend the week partying instead. So, in their drunken stupour, after realising how badly they messed up, they beg their professor to give them an extra day for the exam. Even though sceptical, they told him that they had a flat tire on the way to university and couldn't reach c...

I'm finally becoming an adult!

My leg hurts and I don't know why.
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A man on his deathbed is telling his friend his final wishes

Man: I have two final wishes

Friend: what are they?

Man: firstly I'd like my remains scattered over Disney Land

Friend: and?

Man: secondly, I don't want to be cremated.
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a guy finally gets out of prison..

And goes to visit a brothel. He's says the the madame " what do I get for ÂŁ100?

She says" go into that room over there"

He walks in and sees a lovely looking lady and has a great time with her.

A week later he goes back and says "what can I get for ÂŁ50?

She says go into ...

little johnny finally got to the third date....

and knowing the reputation of the girl he was seeing, knew that he would "get lucky" on this one... so off to the drug store he goes to get a condom.
"i got a hot date tonight and i need a condom!" he tells the employee there, who hands it over almost immediately...
"that'll be a dollar,...
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Finally quit my job at the lumber yard

I was so tired of doing all of the work because nobody else wood.
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DNA results have finally came back

Turns out I’m the murderer.
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A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on it's final approach.

The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto".

He forgot to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The ...

A French, a German and an Italian spy are captured one day. The captors grab the French spy, take him to the next room and tie his hands behind a chair. They then proceed to torture him for 2 hours before he finally cracks, answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets.

The captors then grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair in the next room too and torture him for 4 hours before he finally cracks and tells them what they want to know.

They then grabbed the Italian spy. Once again, they tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing.4 h...
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A wealthy billionaire dies, and his final wish is to be buried with his money.

So, at the funeral reception, the widow is speaking with guests when the matter of the billionaire's last wish comes up. The widow confirms that she honored her late husband's request.

A friend says to the widow, "You really buried him with billions of dollars?!", and the widow replies, "O...
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Finally found a good joke about trickle down economics.

I’m afraid most you you won’t get it.
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Advice for final exams

A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Wish me luck, I have end of term exams tomorrow," she tells the bartender. "Good luck," the bartender says. "Are you all prepared?" "I've done everything I can think of to prepare. I even texted my ex last night," she says. "I asked him if he ha...
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A moral joke, finally!

The Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff.But then the teacher realised that only Janie was left. ...
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Finally time to retire my car..

It's driven 50000 miles and the tires are worn out..need to get new tires
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A Florida man dies and goes to a waiting area for his final destination.

As he awaits, he spots his best friend within the crowd and cannot believe it. He approaches his buddy and starts a conversation

“Cooch, is that you buddy? Holy shit! It is you! What are you doing here?”

“Hey Willie” says the man with barely any expression on his face.

“What ar...

I was taking my English final and they asked “Write the past tense of ‘Think'”.

I thought and thought about this for ages.

Eventually, I went for ‘Thunk’.
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What were the final words of the pirate who died taking a piss?

R I P

Finally finished my chemotherapy!

Cancer can go suck my ball
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A young boy finally works up the courage to ask a girl to prom...

She says yes, to his surprise and he starts to prepare to make the night as memorable as he can for the both of them.

First, he decides he needs to rent a tuxedo. He finds a local shop that does rentals, since he doesn't want to buy one. The line at the clothing store is almost out the door....
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I finally fixed my time machine!

April Fool's! It's still broken.
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What do you say, when you finally find out the Earth isn’t flat?

That’s a relief
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After weeks of practice, I finally beat my record for how far I can shoot my jizz.

I can’t believe how far I’ve come.

Did you hear that OJ Simpson finally confessed?

Yep. They squeezed it out of him.
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There was a guy in a hospital, and finally woke up.

The guy said, “damn i cant feel my legs.” The doctor said to him, “well thats because we amputated your arms.”
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After 37 years I’m finally ready to retire with $5,000,000 I’ve accumulated through hard work, careful saving, living a life of simple means...

...and the death of an uncle who left me $4,999,996.50
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My 14-year-old daughter has finally met her online boyfriend in real life.

Must be big love, haven't seen her for weeks.
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all sales final: no returns

An Australian aborigine has a boomerang that won't come back to him no matter how many times he tries to throw it. Frustrated he goes to the witch-doctor for advice. The witch-doctor asks him where he got the boomerang and the abo tells him he got it from a souvenir shop at Ayer's Rock. The witch-...
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I just took my Pornography 101 final exam. It wasn't hard.

I failed

Finally made it to the court of the Crimson king

Waste of time. All I did was talk to the wind
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What do you call the women's Wimbledon finals?

2 Girls 1 cup
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Take-home final exam

Bill always had a problem with school. He suffered from a fear of tests. When a professor hands out tests, it was almost like his brain shut down. He couldn't remember anything.
One of his professors gave the students a take-home test and told them to bring it back the next week for their final g...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered man sighs and lowers his arms "I am prepared, my son. I have been freed from Earthly desires and acheived inner peace. I wish for nothing more than to move on to m...

I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.

All it was doing was gathering dust!
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adam and eve finally figured out the whole sex thing...

afterward, adam's kicked back, dazed.

god asks "son, where's eve?"

to which adam replies "she's down at the stream, washing up."

god groans "now i'll never get that smell outta those fish."

All my life I had wanted a Geiger counter but never knew why until I could finally afford one.

Then it clicked
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God finally answer my prayers for winning the $15 million lottery.

The answer is no.
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I finally understand why everyone loves Gal Gadot

She Israeli hot.
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As Epstein swayed back and forth, coming to grips with the inevitable, he reached out to give the guard one final high five...

But he just left him hanging.
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Why did Justin Trudeau finally take action on the housing shortage?

He started shopping for an apartment.
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If you only sucked average sized penises...

You could accurately say that you suck a mean dick.

Edit: The amount of upvotes on this post has exceeded the final recorded megawatt output from Chernobyl’s reactor number 4 on the morning of the Chernobyl disaster. (33,000)

The reactor was designed to operate at 3,200 megawatts.

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Johnny finally makes it to college...

On the first day his psych professor begins a perception exercise by telling the students to close their eyes and feel around for an object, then describe the object and tell her what it is.

First she calls on Kyle who says "I feel something big round and bumpy. It's a globe!"

The p...

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Bob had finally made it

to the last round of the "$64,000 Question" show. The night before the big question, he told the host that he desired a question on American History.

The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the be...

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Dirty ernie pt. 3 (final that I can remember)

The teacher tells the class that every Friday, she's going to ask a question, and whomever can answer it correctly will be excused from class on Monday of the following week.

The first week she asks, "how high is the sky?

Ernie says, "what the fuck? Nobody can answer that."

Teac...

They finally figured out why the computerized self driving car has crashed...

They didn't install the driver.
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A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.

"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.

"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.

"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"
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I have a fetish for the final paragraph of an essay.

I just came to that conclusion.
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After years I finally finished my book on herbology!

It was about thyme!
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When Bill Cosby passes away I'm going to dress as his final resting place for Halloween.

I hope my Cos Tomb gets compliments.
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