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Trophy Jokes

A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a somewhat ugly trophy, the second-placed shooter - a crate of champagne.

By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for first place, so they were told to do a tiebreaker round - 5 shots at maximum distance. To keep things more dramatic, they had to shoot at the same time.

After both had stopped firing and were awaiting the results, one shooter turned to...

My Fiancé said she wanted to be a Trophy Wife

Now that we’re married all she does is lie around so much she can barely walk. And that’s how I learned my wife doesn’t know how to pronounce “atrophy.”

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My fencing trophy

I recently placed 11th at a local fencing tournament. I got a participation award.
When I came home my wife asked me if I got a trophy
I said "Sword-of"

I accidentally called my wife a ‘trophy’ the other day...

She shot back, “Oh come on, just because you always finish first doesn’t mean you win anything!”

The trophy girlfriend

An older, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young woman at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, “No, I’d l...

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I got a Trophy Wife

but it was for participation

The Trophy Wife

This guy is so sick of his hot trophy wife always asking for money.



So the next time she comes and asks him for some money he says "I'm not giving you any more money until you make some money for yourself."



So the next day he comes home from work and his wife says "I di...

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My wife calls herself a trophy wife.

I told her that's because I won the participation award.

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An old man decides he wants to meet his grandson before he dies

He lives in the wilderness like a hermit so he hardly ever meets anyone. So he invites his young grandson over to mark one item off his bucket list. His grandson arrives and notices his grandfather is scarred all over and missing some of his limbs, most noticeably one of his hands.


"Ho...

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Got myself a trophy of a cat's butt.

It is a catastrophe.

Someone broke into my house and stole my Limbo trophy

Just how low can these criminals go

Tottenham have renamed their trophy room...

..to "The Room".

Trophy Girlfriend

Bill, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the country club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25-year-old blonde on his arm. She's hanging on his every word. His buddies at the club are aghast.

They corner him and ask, "Bill how did you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bill replies...

What’s the difference between a Tottenham Hotspur trophy cabinet and a museum

A museum is actually filled with awards and memorabilia from the past

What's the best way to make sure the Italian entry wins a Broadway Trophy?

Rigatoni

My friend just married a trophy wife

Apparently she didn’t win first place

The Trophy Maker (OC - long)

Old Rick Giuseppe was a fifth-generation trophy maker – like his father, grandfather, great grandfather and great great great grandfather before him. Alas, Old Rick Giuseppe’s wife had died a few years ago, and the man lived in solitude, apart from a cat named Jeffery, who was his late wife’s belove...

What is your favorite Norm Macdonald joke/lune

"You,re the first defensive player ever to win the Heisman trophy, and no one can take that away from you."


"....Unless, of course, you kill your wife and a waiter"

If you see your joke, by all means comment, but don't repeat it, find another -he has thousands and thousands - I ...

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I really like being a trophy husband.

I just wish I wasn't a participation trophy.

I just got a trophy for the world's weakest muscles!

What trophy?

Dystrophy

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I married a real trophy wife...

The names of the previous winners are all tattooed on her ass...

It's a mystery to me why men like trophy wives.

Their ears stick out and they have they've got the previous winners names tattooed down their backs.

An 60 guy introduced his friend to his new trophy wife

When they alone without the wife they asked him : "how did you got such a hot wife? "

He said: " i lied about my age"

"did you tell her that you are fifty?" asked one of his friends

"no i told her i am eighty" replied the man

The Doctor was impressed with my health and presented me with a trophy

I just don't remember whether it was atrophy or dystrophy.

My friend has died after his trophy cabinet fell on him.

He was a victim of his own success.

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What spaceship got a participation trophy for attempting the Kessel run?

The Millenial Falcon

So UPS lost yesterday's Dreamhack trophy...

That's what happens when you call your company "Oops".

I've got a trophy girlfriend.

I keep her locked in one of my cabinets.

I got a trophy for 'best thief'

Well, I didn't actually win the competition.

What trophy do octopuses win as the grand prize in the cephalopod racing tournament?

The Suction Cup

If you hang the wrong side of a cat as a trophy on your wall

It would be a catastrophe

My trophy wife.

20 years ago, I married a trophy wife. Today, she looks like the Stanley Cup.

What is Marvel's new, SPIDER-MAN themed trophy?

A box of uncle Ben's rice with a bullet inside.

I think the world’s greatest dad trophy my kids just got me is kinda silly.

I think I was the only one that knew it was a competition.

Their bio dad definitely didn’t.

What do you give someone who hasn't moved their muscles in over a year?

A trophy

What’s marvel’s favorite trophy

The Stan Lee cup

After cremating my grandma, I put her ashes into a trophy.

She urned it.

A kid comes home from school with a small trophy

Kid: Dad! Dad! I won the Airplane award at school!

Dad: Oh? What's that?

Kid: It's a big building with a lot of kids in it, but that's not important right now.

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Old man and trophy wife

An old man walks into a car dealership with his young trophy wife on his arm. He walks up to the manager and says, "I want to make deal with you. If you can do three things that I can do, I'll buy your most expensive car with cash plus 10% extra for you. If you can't, I get the car for free."
...

My dentist was voted "Dentist Of The Year"....

He didn't get a trophy, they just gave him a little plaque.

My wife said I’m lucky to be married to a trophy wife.

I said to her, they giving out last place trophies?

My doctor told me I could get a trophy from being on crutches

but all I got were smaller, weaker leg muscles.

African chief whose obsession was to conquer other chiefs and take their thrones as trophies

There was this African chief at the turn of the last century whose obsession was to conquer other chiefs and take their thrones as trophies. These thrones he would collect and display in the second level of his magnificent palace just above his own luxurious throne. This palace was renowned for its ...

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I chained up my trophy wife in the basement...

She's atrophy wife now.

A woman who had no degree, achievements, or useful skills, except for being good looking, used to be known only as a trophy wife

today they're mostly known as social media influencers

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I always wanted a trophy wife,

But instead I got a participation medal girlfriend.

I joined a fishing club and won a trophy on my first day.

All of the other members call me.

The Master Baiter.

What kind of trophy do I get every time I lift weights?

Hypertrophy!

One evening a rich widower showed up at the club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25-yr-old blond.

She hung on to his every word, all night long.

His friends were stunned, and as soon as she couldn’t hear, they asked him how he’d managed to get a trophy girlfriend.

“Girlfriend? She’s my wife.”

“How the hell did you persuade that knockout to marry you?” one guy asked incredulo...

A man entered a contest for who can last the longest in space. He got first place, so what did he win?

A-trophy

A black guy dies & finds himself at the Pearly Gates with St. Peter....

SP: Before I allow you to enter Heaven, you must tell me something truly extraordinary about your life.

BG: Sheeet, no problem. I was a star NFL QB for 15 years!

SP: One of many. What else?

BG: I have 2 Super Bowl rings & 3 MVP trophys!

SP: These things do not impress...

I don't know why there has been all this hate lately about trophy hunting exotic animals...

As a guy, on a couple of drunken nights I have slayed a few elephants... and a whale.

An elderly man is getting married to his trophy wife, who refused to sleep with him until they were married.

The night of the wedding the both start undressing at their hotel. When he took his socks off, she saw that his toes were all deformed and bent. She asked "what the hell is that?"
"Tolio" the man replies.
"Don't you mean polio?" asked the women.
"Nope, when it's in your toes its called ...

A man is obsessed with reeling in a big fish... A man is obsessed with reeling in a big fish, so much so that he eventually buys a huge, synthetic sturgeon and hangs it on the wall above his fireplace.

Eventually, however, looking at the fake trophy makes the man feel like a fraud, and he can't stand it.

One day, he makes a final attempt at fishing up something impressive. Finally, after hours of waiting, he reels in a record-breaking chub, one that weighs more than any other in recorded hi...

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Hey Reddit - What's are some of your favorite one liners? I'll start...

Last time I called shotgun we had rented a limo, so I fucked up!

-Mitch Hedberg

A friend of mine has a trophy wife, but apparently it wasn't first place.

-Steven Wright

Why is it that most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the ...

What is first prize in a competition to lose muscle mass?

a trophy.

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Julia was organizing a cat show

Julia was organizing a cat show and needed a trophy for the first prize. So she contacted a sculptor to create a trophy that resembled a beautiful persian cat.

Julia and the sculptor got together to discuss the plans for this trophy. She wanted the base to be made of the finest white marble w...

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My feline died after being crushed during a cute butt contest

It was a cat ass trophy.

Every time a test comes up, my friends and I joke about how we should become trophy wives.

But it seems like a lot of work to be a trophy wife; always dressing up, keeping in shape, keeping everything plucked. If I married a rich guy, I would probably wear sweatpants, watch Netflix everyday, and get fat on pizza and cookie dough. So instead of being a trophy wife, I'd be an atrophy wife...

What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?

A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!

My brother won a prize for staying in a hospital bed for a really long time.

He got a trophy.

I’m sick and tired of these millennial weathermen...

In my day, only the raining champion got an award, but nowadays everyone wants a precipitation trophy.

19 Year anniversary

The traditional gift for 19 years is bronze, so I gave her a 3rd place trophy for best wife..... We might not make it to China

My son lost a youth baseball game because of heavy rain...

...he received a precipitation trophy

What do you win if you don't move a single muscle all week?

A trophy!

Disaster at the pet show

Our ginger tom won overall best in show! It was a cat-has-trophy.

An Englishman goes on a hunting tour of the Americas. He first stops in Canada, where he shoots a large male grizzly bear

In order to ease the transportion of his trophy, the Englishman cuts the bear into pieces, seperating the legs, the arms and head from the torso. He then continues his tour southward crossing the border into the USA.

At the border a customs agent checks his belongings. "Sir," says the agent "...

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Snow White, Superman and Pinocchio are walking in the city...

When they see a house with the sign on "Words prettiest woman contest". Snow White goes in and comes back out all happy, tiara on her head as a winner". They keep walking and see a gym with the sign up "Worlds strongest man contest". Superman goes in and comes back out as a winner with a trophy in h...

What did the winner of the muscle loss competition get?

A-trophy

My grandma was quite the athlete

She had trophies for all sorts of things. Her most prized was a limbo trophy she won in Hawaii. When she passed my brother wanted it. I said no and he stole it. How much lower can you go?

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