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An Old Joke

The year is 2120, and our story follows Joe McFlinch and his journey to overcome his inner demons. 'Who is Joe?', you may be wondering. Well, Joe is a cowardly 29 year old male. He has no special talents or skills, no hobbies, and most sadly, no friends. If I were to describe him as a dish, he would...

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A lone camel driver was about to embark upon a long journey from west Sahara to Egypt.

He packed all the gear he could think of for the journey that would last for a couple of months. No thing had escaped his mind. Lots of water, food, first aid kit, even three toothbrushes to last him the whole way.

Only after a week, well into the desert did it dawn on him that while he had r...

Dexter Holland wasn't always lead singer of the Offspring

Long ago he was in the seafood industry. He had a job shucking oysters for a restaurant. Anyway, one day he sees an ad for a competition in oyster shucking, but it is a team challenge. He shows up solo, and knows he won't be let in. His confidence is low at this point, but he still signs up. The att...

Don't ever challenge a German sausage maker to a competition.

It brings out the *wurst* in him.

So this guy goes to a confectioner... (long)

(A confectioner makes objects out of candy or chocolate, in case you didn't know)

So this guy goes to a confectioner, placing an order for a VW Beetle made from chocolate. Scale, 1:32

"That won't be cheap" the confectioner says. "Money's no issue" the customer replies. "And it'll take ...

A Viking sailed across Europe challenging people to staring contests.

He was so confident in his abilities that he promised to hand over all of the gold he had pillaged to anyone who could defeat him. The news spread throughout Europe, catching the attention of a couple in Ireland whose daughter was born without eyelids.

Believing that their daughter was guaran...

Did you hear about the pirate that one the boxing championship?

He took down all his challengers with one right hook

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George claims that his dick is the "Hardest Dick In The World!"

George will pay anyone $5000 cash to anyone who can bring him something absolutely harder than his dick.


One man brings a basketball-sized boulder. George easily smashes the boulder with his dick. The man picks up the boulder pieces and angrily walks off.


A second man brings a ...

So a doctor starts up a practice

### So a doctor starts up a practice and decides to challenge himself, so he puts out a sign: "I'll cure any sickness for only $100. If I can't, I'll pay you $500!"

A lawyer sees the sign out front and decides this would be some easy fast cash so he goes in to see the doctor.


"Do...

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A man walks in to an ice cream parlour

He notices a sign on the wall that states "we can make any flavour you can imagine" he decides to challenge them and asks "can you make pussy flavour?", the assistant replies "sure, give me a few minutes" and starts mixing all the different flavours together to get it perfect, he hands the ice cream...

Why did the Alabama girl take the tide pod challenge?

To wash her family's extra large load.

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Gotcha!

Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better then I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas.'"

The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it.
...

The ninja master asked a student if they thought they could handle the next challenge.

The disciple answered, shuriken!

A headline from the Dallas Morning News

Dallas Morning News - A 15 year old boy was at the center of a Dallas County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with chil...

Based on a true story

Miss Clark had just gotten a job at a local elementary school after graduating with her master’s degree in speech–language pathology and was excited to start working with children and help them improve their communication skills.

On her first day she met a young boy named Billy at the office...

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A man invites some of his fetish club over for breakfast....

They are catching up on life and swapping stories about work, their grandkids’ birthdays, their recent stock market fortunes, and so on, when the subject of what they’re most proud of comes up.


Gerald, a 35 year old dentist, proudly exclaims, “Of everyone here, I by far, have the larges...

A Bridge Too Far

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly, the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime ...

What’s the difference between my estranged mother and the Challenger Spacecraft?

My mother successfully took off.

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The Italian Math Challenge

An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. Here's your first question,' the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'

'Withouta numbers?' the Italian says, 'Datsa easy.' and he proceeds to draw three trees.

'W...

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Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered man sighs and lowers his arms "I am prepared, my son. I have been freed from Earthly desires and acheived inner peace. I wish for nothing more than to move on to m...

Everybody Knows Somebody Called DAVE.

Dave is an advertising executive in L.A., who is always boasting that he knows EVERYONE on the planet, & they all know him.

His colleagues love hearing his stories about this celebrity, or that politician. However, his boss doesn't believe a word & challenges him to prove his boasts....

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One doctor was known as the fastest in the West. He would be done before the nerves sent pain signals. Someone challenged him to cut of a patients leg in 1 second. He sawed briskly but ended cutting off the patient's testicle.

He got the sack.

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Three men get lost in the woods...

As they search for a path out together they accidentally stumble into the part of the woods ruled by fairies. The fairy King is not impressed with intruders and orders them executed. They beg for their lives and the King decides they shall complete a two part challenge to be shown the way out.
<...

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A politician, drug dealer, beekeeper, priest, doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, prostitute, programmer, nurse, chef, forensic analyst, biologist, truck driver and a writer walk into a bar

It is a big bar. Very big one. And empty, or at least it was empty until this large group of people entered it.

They all form a queue in front of the bar and order drinks one by one. The politician gets a Heineken, the drug dealer orders a Budweiser, the beekeeper gets a mead, the priest buy...

I’ve been challenged to make a play on words with the word for a whole bunch of peaches in a basket.

Try as I might though, I just can’t punnet.

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A regular at a popular bar got into a friendly bet with the bartender.

He challenged the bartender to a tasting contest.


He claimed that he could name any drink that the bartender could whip up. If he could name every one of them right, all his drinks would be on the house. If he lost, he had to pay for all his drinks, and an additional £50.


Amus...

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There once was a wasp that lived in a jungle.

This was not your ordinary wasp though; he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself,...

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A group of guys walk into a new bar for the first time. The barkeep asks what they will be having tonight. [L]

The first guy orders a whiskey coke. The bartender without hesitation hands the man a chilled apple. The man confused by this asks why he is getting the apple. The bartender insists that he takes a bite out of it.

The man chomps into it and exclaims, “Wow! This tastes just like my favorite wh...

Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared to face the reaper cushions.

A man is on vacation in Spain.

He stops at a local inn to stay and is having a drink down in the bar.

Once there he was challenged by the bartender to win a free meal and a drink. He needs only score higher on a trivia quiz against a very smart chicken.

Amused and figuring he couldn’t lose to a bird he accepts. Th...

A dog walked into a bar and asked for a beer.

One of the other bar patrons, a cowboy with a six-shooter, scoffed.

“I don’t want to drink at the same bar as a dog.”

The dog, offended, challenged the man to a fight. The man looked him up and down then dismissed the pup with a wave of his hand.

"I'm not killing a dog."

...

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A clean joke

A soap factory had a problem. They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the bar inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important these relationships were, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. Six months and $8 million later, t...

A man once challenged everyone that he can answer all questions with just two sentences.

The man claimed that all questions can be answered by either "None of your business" or "None of my business".

Then a wise man came to him, and asked, "Don't you think answering questions like that make people unhappy?"

The man replied with "None of my business."

The wise man th...

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A guy walks into a bar, notices a "free beer for life challenge" on the front door.

A guy walks into a bar, notices a "free beer for life challenge" on the front door.

He goes inside, and asks the bartender what he needs to do to receive free beer for life. The bartender reaches under the bar and pulls out a bottle of vodka, " First, drink this whole bottle in one go, no cry...

My friend used to run a hotel, but now he runs an Airbnb. I asked him if this change in job gave him any new challenges.

He said no, it’s entirely inn keeping.

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The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his Deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.

IRS AUDITOR: “I Need A List Of Your Employees And How Much You Pay Them".


Boat Owner: “Well, There's Clarence, My Deckhand, He's Been With Me For 3 Years. I Pay Him $1,000 A Week Plus Free Room And Board. Then There's The Mentally Challenged Guy. He Works About 18 Hours Every Day And Does...

The Race!

Johnny was 16 years old and wanted a motorcycle really bad. But his parents said he couldn't get one until he graduated from high school. So, he saved up all his money, and when graduation day came, he threw his graduate cap up in the air and walked right down to the nearest Harley Davidson dealer a...

A man walks into a bar

he notices a jar of cash on the counter, and asks the bartender, ”what’s with the jar” the bartender explains it is the prize for completing a set of challenges, entry is $5. The man orders a few drinks, all the while he contemplates attempting the challenges. After his 5th glass he sets down $5 dol...

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Kinda long, but I couldn't get the flair to work.

An explorer gets lost in the Amazon rainforest. While searching for a way out, he stumbles upon a tribe of cannibals. They all want to eat the man, but the chief pities the man. He says to the explorer:

"Look. I know you're lost, so I'm gonna give you a chance to save your life." And with tha...

A blonde moves out to the country....

A blonde moves out to the countryside because she's tired of people in the city assuming she's dumb because of her hair color. She dyes her hair brown, packs up, and moves out. On her way to her new house she passes a shepherd with a herd of sheep. Eager to start her new life, she pulls over and pos...

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They are a bunch of royal bitches!

I ran into a man at a pub near Buckingham palace. I watched in amazement, as he pounded down pint after pint, so I decided I would find out more about him.

I sat down next to him, and I offered to buy him the next pint. He agreed, and I took the opportunity to ask him why he was drinking so h...

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A guy walks into a bar

climbs onto a stool and screams, "ASSHOLES! ALL LAWYERS ARE ASSHOLES!"

"HEY!" someone yells out. "You watch your mouth!"

"Why?" the guy challenges. "Are you a lawyer?"

"No, I'm an asshole!"

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A man walks into a bar, and sees a huge jar sitting on the counter.

The jar is stuffed with $10 bills. There has to be at least twenty grand in there. Curious, he approaches the bartender.

He asks, "What's the deal with the jar?"

The bartender replies, "You put ten bucks in, and if you complete three challenges, you win the entire jar."

"What ar...

Happy International Women's Day

During a company's annual family trip to a crocodile farm in Thailand... the eccentric boss dared any of his employees to jump into the crocodiles infested pond... and swim to the shore. Anyone who survived the swim will be rewarded with 5 million... but if killed by the crocs...2 million will be gi...

I tried one of those "Try Not To Laugh" challenges, but barely made it halfway before cracking up.

I guess you could say... I fought the LOL, and the LOL won.

Constable: I saw a guy driving a Charger, a Challenger, and a Viper in the same day

Sergeant: Hmm, seems a bit dodgy

An Native American chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant

The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated that he built her a teepee made of deer hide.

A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.

The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief ...

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A world champion in grizzly bear hunting wanted to shoot a polar one

He's got yet another prize in USA for hunting grizzlies, proving he's the best there is. Doesn't matter how hard it would be to hunt one, he would track them and hunt them.

One day he wanted the challenge, and thought he would step up his game and hunt for polar bears. He's no expert in polar...

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A school teacher, a police officer, and a hedge fund founder are trapped on a deserted island.

After scavenging for days with little success, they come across a magical lamp. The officer decides to give it a quick rub and out pops a genie.

"Hello, I am here to grant each of you an imperishable supply of food and water as you await your rescue. Be warned, it can only be consumed only ...

I beat a black belt at karate.

My next challenger is a green sock.

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Mr. Johnson has been having constant headaches ever since his teenage years. For years and years his doctor tries to cure him, but the headaches only get worse and worse.

Finally, one day, the doctor asks Mr. Johnson to undress. After inspecting Mr. Johnson's body, he sees the problem.

"You have an extremely rare condition," explains the doc. "Your testicles are pressed up against your spinal cord, giving you headaches. This condition has no known cause and on...

I Just Started My Job as a Minister's Assistant

My local church just hired me to assist the minister, and so far the job is going very well. The only real challenge is that he's very particular about the display towards the front of the sanctuary. He insists that it be kept spotless at all times, decorated with the freshest flowers, and have ever...

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A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all go to Hell and receive a challenge from the Devil -- if they can stump him, they're free to go to heaven instead.

The philosopher goes first and asks the Devil a very hard philosophy question -- to which the Devil snaps his fingers, gets a book, and gives the answer. The mathematician tries as well -- but the Devil instantly gets the answer. When it comes to the blonde, she pulls up a chair and drills three hol...

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Story Challenge: My name is Inspector Clouseau...

...and I'm working on a case, because I haven't got a table.

I looked out of the window and saw a very tall man. I knew he was tall - I was on the 6th floor.

There was a tap at the door. "Funny place to put a tap", I thought.

I opened it, and there was a beautiful woman standing...

What do you called a mentally challenged freshwater fish that has never met it’s father?

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Basstard

A famous car designer...

A famous car designer was about to retire at the age of 64 due to health concerns. For all his life, he had strived for perfection in his craft of designing cars, specifically for Kia. In each of his 32 models, he was instrumental in some innovation or vastly improved function.

He called for ...

Two cowboys were in an old west bar getting drunk

There’s a spittoon that everyone has been using throughout the night to spit their chewing tobacco into. One cowboy challenges the other one to swallow a mouthful from the spittoon for $100.

The other cowboy agrees and tilts the spittoon to his lips. He takes a big gulp as everyone starts t...

Youth Slang

Kids are always coming up with the strangest slang. Remember "on fleek" or when "dank" stopped meaning dingy?

I was working as a counselor at a summer camp one year. The kids came up with a new one and proceeded to absolutely run it into the ground. One day in the cafeteria, one of the ner...

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The Pub Game

A guy walks into a pub in the middle of the countryside and orders a pint. While the barman is pouring his drink he notices a jar behind the bar that's stuffed with cash, must be close to £5000 in there. Curious, he asks the barman, "what's this about?"

"Ah, it's a little game we got 'ere" sa...

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Two soldiers

Two soldiers were stationed at a secret base on Greenland. The only entertainment they had was a worn out deck of cards and as time went on the two soldiers became bored with the cards, so to keep them selves entertained they started doing dares to each other.

At first it started out easy lik...

The local bar was so sure that its owner was the strongest man around...

that it offered a standing $1,000 bet that no could beat him.The challenge was that the owner would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the lemon to the customer. Anyone who could squeeze even one more drop out of the lemon would win the money.Over the years many...

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track.""What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector."Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the...

“I love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. “All you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. “What did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...

“You herd me.”

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A virgin is trapped in the woods on a deserted island

A virgin is trapped in the woods on an island which appears to be deserted. However, once he sets up camp, some indigenous people tie him up and capture him.

The man is pretty ugly, so the tribe decides he is probably a virgin. The leader proclaims, "It is as prophesied: the gods have brought...

There is a challenge to see how good you are at disagreeing....

They all have different ranks, the beginner test, the ok test, and the pro test

Impeccable

A woodpecker from the United States and a Canadian woodpecker were in Canada arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Canadian woodpecker claimed Canada had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The U.S. woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no ...

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A lawyer is hunting ducks in the woods.

Much to his dismay, after hours and hours he hasn't spotted a single one. Finally, he spots a duck past the treeline, and gets ready to shoot. The duck is sitting on a fence post, nice and open; an easy shot. The lawyer takes aim and fires - it's a perfect shot, and the duck falls over onto the othe...

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A German, an Estonian and a Russian hold a challenge.

They have to drink a bucket of vodka, arm wrestle a bear in a cave and fuck a nun. The German starts, gets through half a bucket of vodka and falls off. The Estonian drinks the whole bucket and falls off. The Russian, however, finishes his bucket, goes into the cave. Loads of screaming can be heard ...

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The greatest swordsman in the world.

There was a competition going on in Spain to see who the worlds greatest swordsman was.The final three competitors had been chosen and were brought on stage in front of the anticipating crowd to showcase their talent.The first swordsman stepped forward causing the crowd to hush.One of the judges pro...

A man walks into a crowded bar, and notices 3 slabs of meat hanging behind the bar

He asks the bartender what they’re there for, and the bartender tells the man that the bar currently has a challenge going on. “If you can jump up, and hit all 3 slabs of meat before your feet hit the ground, you drink free for a month. But, if you don’t, you need to cover the cost of everyone’s dri...

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Oh.. those Marines!

*A Marine walks into a bar and notices a Jar on the counter top with money in it.*

**Marine**: "This is new, what's it for?"

**Bartender**: "Its for our weekly challenge"

**Marine**: "Oh I love challenges, what is it for this week?"

**Bartender**: "Oh this one is a specia...

God challenges the Devil to a game of baseball.

“How can I lose?” God said. “I have all the best players up here!”

“How can I lose?” Said the Devil. “I have all of the umpires down here.”

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a phone call from a gorgeous ex

I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who, this morning, called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in m...

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This is a joke from Norway that I've heard, as a Finn I absolutely love it.

A long time ago, there was a man named Toivonen, he had turned 18 and had to face a test about his manhood.

He got 3 challenges:
1. He must drink a bottle of hard booze in one sitting without cringing, flinching, or without a reaction in any way
2. He must shake hands with a live b...

I'm not fat!

I'm just height-challenged.

The Horse Challenge (LONG)

Every year, during fair season, a local farmer takes his horse and sets up a booth at various fairs. The rules are simple and the reward is great; make his horse nod yes and then shake his head no- doing this earns a $500 prize.

As it so happens fair season is in full swing, and the farmer...

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A restaurant has a challenge: "We will give $500 to any customer whose order we can not fill"

One day, a man sees this sign and decides to take them up on it. So when gets seated, he tells the waitress that he wants an elephant testicle on rye bread.

She dutifully takes his order back to the kitchen. A few seconds later he could hear all hell breaking loose in the kitchen: there's peo...

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I wrote this one a few years ago

A priest, Father John Mclanahan is walking down the street when he bumps into an old friend, Rabbi John Goldman. They haven’t seen each other since college. They happen to be heading to the same part of town, so they decide to walk together and catch up on old times. They reminisce about their frien...

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Of course trump will challenge the results. He will not take no for an answer.

Just ask Ivana trump, Jill hearth, Jean carrol, summer zervos, alva Johnson, Jessica leeds, Kristen Anderson, Lisa boyne, Cathy heller, temple McDowell, Amy dorris, Karena Virginia, karen Johnson, mindy mcgillivary, Jennifer Murphy, Rachael crooks, Natasha stoynoff, juillet huddy, Jessica drake, nin...

Was walking down the street and heard this beautiful music coming from up on a hill.

So I went up there and found out it was a place for the mentally challenged. The music was the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. So I looked in a window and saw all the patients holding pencils and tapping them on apples. I couldn’t believe the music was coming from them. How could they do it? S...

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The Gator

A guy walks into the bar with a gator on a leash, bartender looks down and says “what you doing in here with that reptile”. Guy says nothing and stands up on the bar.

“Ladies and Gentlemen. I propose a challenge, if I can place my balls in this gator’s mouth and remove them undamaged everyon...

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Race horse Pat

There was a race horse named Pat, who was one of the greatest race horses to ever live. He set records that were near impossible to beat. After a long time of racing, he retired to an old stable with some old friends. They were very happy that he retired there to stay with him, and congratulated him...

No Nut November challenge is not gonna be a problem at all

It’s not hard at my age

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Long ago, a king issued a challenge to see who can first cross a crocodile-infested river.

On the day of the challenge, the participants were shocked to see how dangerous the river actually was. Crocodile backs were visible nearly every part of the river and the width of the river seemed to stretch miles away to the other bank.

The king, eager to see some violent gory entertainment...

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Two boys were playing in the sandbox with a girl

**This is a joke my grandpa just told me (he was a Navy guy).**

Two boys were playing in the sandbox with a girl; the boys’ names were Tom and Dick and the girl’s name was Sally.

Tom decided to challenge Sally to a contest. The rules of the contest were as follows: each child had to bu...

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The Three Challenges

**TL;DR:** Jokes don't have TL;DRs.

A man named Andrew walks into a bar, makes his way to the stool and asks the bartender for some Whiskey, on the rocks.

As the bartender serves Andrew his order, his eyes fall on a relatively large jar of money filled with $100 bills. He gets curious...

What did everyone think of the Challenger documentary on Netflix?

I only saw bits and pieces.

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A scoutmaster and his girlfriend go hiking in the woods...

They take a break in a rocky clearing with odd writing. After a while, they get frisky, and decide to play a little game called hide the sausage. They look around for people even though they’re in the middle of nowhere. It seems all clear and they go for it. Little did they know, they were in the mi...

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A rich oil tycoon from Texas made his way to Ireland one day, where he made his way to a local pub.

He walked up to the bar and laid a bag of money on the counter whilst he declared allowed to all in the room.

"I heard y'all Irish can drink, so I put it to you that not one of y'all's can drink 500 shots back to back. Prove me wrong, and I'll give you this here five thousand dollars."
...

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"I'm the strongest man alive"

said the drunk man to the bartender.

"Oh really? Well we actually have our own local strongman competition, if you're interested. Keep in mind, it's a bit obscure. You up for it?"

"Psh. I can do anything," he slurs.

"Okay. Your first test is behind that door. You need to hogtie...

Lion the mighty king of all animals is bored so he makes a challenge.

He orders all animals to stand on the edge of the biggest cliff he could find in the whole animal kingdom. As he stood under it all the animals can see him only as a little yellow dot under them. As they all stand there the rules are read:
I mighty king of the animal kingdom declare this chal...

The crowd was tense with excitement as the final three Samurai faced off;

After a long day of competing it was the final round of competition to find who was indeed the master swordsman.

In a final challenge the three men had to show their prowess and concentration by slicing the finest of targets, a mere fly.

The first Samurai steps up to the stage a fly is...

I have to stop saying, "How stupid can you be?"

I think some people are taking it as a challenge.

An English cat named ABC challenges a French cat named 123 to a swim across the English Channel, from the UK to France. They both swim hard, but only the English cat makes it. What happened to the other cat?

Well, un deux trois quatre cinq.

Two tunnels

Once a tunnel was to be build through a mountain, but the state is running low on budget.


Two brothers from India accepted the challenge and agreed to work this out on the small budget. Curious about their enthusiam, the supervisor asked about any possible plan they are having.

To ...

A man is on vacation in Spain.

He goes off the beaten path and decides to spend the night in a small local inn rather than pay extra at a tourist trap. He’s down in the inn’s lounge drinking and he sees a chicken sitting at the bar. He asks the bartender why there’s a chicken inside. She says that the chicken is actually a genius...

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Satan challenges God to a basketball game, so God puts together a choice team from heaven and goes down to hell.

When they come back to heaven, it's with shocking news: they lost the game 52 to 140!

The Virgin Mary is stunned, "How could you possibly lose the game with a team like yours?! Didn't you have the best saints, the most generous souls, the philanthropists and Jesus himself??"

"Yes," fum...

[NSFW] An American and a Russian walk in a bar...

“One beer, please,” asks the American before downing the beer.

“Da, two beer,” asks the Russian in response, downing both.

Not wanting to be outdone, the American ordered;

“Three beers and shot of whiskey, please,” before downing them all in quick succession.

Not one to b...

Apologies for bad English this is a regional joke from my language

Bill was announcing in the middle that he could shoplift anything from the store cross the street.
A man heard it and asked him to get 5 kg rice bag from the store.
Bill went in the store and came back with a 5 kg rice bag.
The man who challenged him said :You would be happy to know tha...

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An American spy is drinking in a Soviet bar.

He is hoping for a politician to come and get drunk, so that he can steal secret Soviet intel.

All of a sudden, a Russian man walks up to him and says: "You! It is clear that you are a Western spy!"

The spy keeps his cool, he was trained for this. He speaks to the man in perfect Russia...

A russian village has a tradition...

...where each year they they hold a very unusal contest, that consists of 4 challenges: First, the contestants must down a bottle of vodka, then they must swim across an icy lake, third they must shake hands with a chained up wild bear on the other side, and finally they have to run to the closest v...

My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but then I realized she just wanted to do laundry.

So I folded.

A blonde, redhead and brunette die and God appears before them

Mesmerized by their beauty (yes, he didn't create them ffs) he gives them a challenge. "For each step you take on the staircase to heaven, I will tell a dark joke. If you laugh, then you will fall straight to hell. Otherwise, despite all your sins, I will let you enter the gates of heaven".

A...

Jesus and Satan are having a contest

They want to see who is the best programmer.

So the first challenge is screens. It's a tie.

Then Assembly. Tie again.

Web Design. Tie again.

Challenge after challenge nobody is winning. So after like five days the power fails. So they wait for it to come back on. Th...

hellcat and the mx-5

A Dodge Challenger Hellcat is roaring through the mountains when little mx-5 catches up to it. The Hellcat pushes harder, hard on the gas on the straights, hard on the brakes before the turns. But no matter what the Hellcat does, the mx-5 is still right on the Hellcat.



Finally the Hel...

A friend challenged me to get more karma

I replied *"piece of cake"*

Three vampires challenge themselves to a blood drink off

The first one comes back, 10 minutes later, lips bloodied proud of himself.
The two others ask him how he got so much blood, so the vampire points towards a corpse drain of all it’s blood only to say: you see that girl, yep, that’s her blood!

The second vampire turns into a bat and leaves...

Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean

Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.​If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.

Einstein: asks a question.

Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.
...

A sous chef hung some chops of meat on the ceiling, and challenged me saying he'd pay me 20$ if I could jump and bring them down, while I had to pay him 20$ if I couldn't.

I didn't accept, the steaks were too high

Don't call them "fat"

They are "horizontally challenged"

3 men venture into the forest and come upon a cannibal tribe.

The cannibals capture the three men and bring him to their leader.

King cannibal: I will allow you to leave without being eaten if you can complete my challenge. Find 10 fruits in the forest, and bring them back. Then you will hear it.

The men leave, get their fruits. The first back b...

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A 3rd grade teacher...

Prepares her 9 year olds for a writing class.

Teacher: “class we will be learning how to write without lifting your pencil off the paper!”

Little Johnny: “I know how to do that!”

Teacher: “You know how to write without lifting off the page!”

Little Johnny : “Yes ma’am t...

Aerobatic piloting

A man goes on a flight with an aerobatic pilot. To warm it up a bit he does a very tight curve. Through the radio the pilot hears the man saying "Well, well, just as expected!". The pilot, feeling a bit challenged flies a screw in the other direction as tight as he can. Again he hears the man saying...

The Grim Reaper Challenge

There were three men on an airplane somewhere above the Atlantic ocean. Suddenly Grim Reaper appears on the plane. He says”Before I take you all with me ‘ll give you a chance to survive. Each one of you will throw something to the ocean and if I find it you will die”.

The first one throws a n...

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I was challenged to my first fight the other day. I picked out an outfit, showed up and got my ass kicked.

It turned out not to be my strong suit.

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Weight Loss Challenge

A man calls a company and purchases their 5lbs in 5 days weight loss challenge. The next morning he gets a knock at the door, he answers to find this woman standing there naked and wearing a sign that says "If you can catch me, you can have me." She takes off running and the man takes off after her ...

Translated Joke

Katie is 9 years old girl who grew up in a village , she like to wear her pretty little dress her mum made for her on her birthday .

One day when Katie was out playing , an unknown man challenge her to climb the coconut tree and pluck a coconut down for him for 20$ .

She accepted and c...

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A man sits down at a bar and see a jar full of $10 bills.

He asks the bartender, “Hey barkeep! Whats up with this jar of money?”
The bartender replies, “The game is simple. Put in $10, complete a challenge, and you win the jar.”
The man is intrigued and slides in a $10 bill. “Alright, whats the challenge?”
“First, you have to drink this entire bo...

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Two years ago, my friend told me the worst joke I'd ever heard. Here it is for those of you who don't know it

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to ge...

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The moonshine, the pitbull & the old lady.

John walks into a bar. As he orders a beer he sees a jar filled with 100$ bills on the counter. The bartender tells him that in order to win the jar of money, he has to complete 3 challenges, but the entry fee is 100$.

After some thinking, he decides to enter the contest. The bartender t...

I challenged the number 1 to a fight. When 1 showed up, he brought 3, 5, 7 and 9.

The odds were against me.

An Englishman named "One-two-three" and a Frenchman named "Un-deux-trios" challenged each other to see whose cat could swim across the Channel first...

After a grueling competition, One-two-three won after Un-deux-trois quatre cinq.

A rich guy walks into a bar

He slams down a thousand dollars on the bar and loudly exclaims that if anyone can drink 50 shots of Vodka, the money is theirs. Some grumble and a guy walks out of the bar. Nobody takes him up on his challenge so he sits on the bar stool and says he'll be here all night in case there are any takers...

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So i saw some people translating jokes so here is a Turkish one. One day a Japanese man walks into a bar in Turkey...

One day a Japanese man walks into a bar in Turkey and challenges everyone in the bar for a fight.

\-Are there anyone who believes he can defeat me ?

Temel gets up and walks to the door saying:

\-I can do it. Let's see what you are made of.

A few minutes later Temel walks ...

The kid next door challenged me to a water fight

Thought I’d post it here while the water boils.

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Describe a time you faced a challenge, and what did you learn from it?

I caught my penis in a zipper. Last time I wear zip-up boots.

Today my culinary teacher challenged us to make a food pun

She’s going to have a rutebega’ning when we tell her challenging kids isn’t kosher.

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