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Long Since Jokes

For how long since its discovery has Covid 19 been deadly?

From right off the bat.

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I'm not saying it's too long since I got laid,

but this morning there was a bottle of extra virgin olive oil in the food cupboard, and now there's just a bottle of olive oil.

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides

The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is humbler, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.

The kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable r...

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A heavy set guy was showering at the gym when a gym rat hollered 'Hey man, how long since you seen your dick'? hahaha. 'Why dont you diet'?

Replying...'why, what color is it now'?

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A redditor walks in to bar...

The bartender says, "what'll you have?"

"It's been so long since I've had a good laugh", replies the redditor. "I'll give you $100 if you can tell me a joke I haven't heard before."

"That sounds easy enough", replies the bartender.

"I should warn you", the redditor says, "I b...

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle when he came upon little Johnny trying to sell a lawn mower.

"How much do you want for the mower?" asked the preacher.

"I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle," said little Johnny.

After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will you take my bike in trade for it?"

Little Johnny said, "Mister, y...

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A man was stranded alone on a desert island for 10 years

A beautiful woman in a skin-tight wetsuit washes up on shore and walks up to him. She asks, "How long has it been since you had a drink?"

"About ten years," the man says. The woman unzips her wetsuit a little at the neck, pulls out a flask, hands it to the man and he drinks deeply.

"H...

Legal Opinion?

It has been so long since I have carried cash that I forgot to take the change out of my pockets before washing them.

Does that make me a money launderer?

Two backpackers, Jim and John

are hitchhiking across the country when they come across a farmstead one cold wet night.

They decide to go up to the house to see if they can stay the night. Jim knocks on the door and an old man answers.

"You can stay the night, but I must tell you, my wife passed away a long time ag...

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A shipwrecked Scotsman is rescued by a Royal Navy destroyer

...he is taken to the sick bay where a beautiful young nurse is waiting.

"Our Captain wanted me to tell that he is from Aberdeen and wants his countryman to be receive the best of care. How long has it been since you had a drink of Whisky?"

"Five long years my dear." The Scotsman rep...

Two friends meet and one of them has a penguin...

Friend 1: My God it's been too long since we've seen each other brother how are you?
Friend 2: I know its good to see you..but tell me why there is a penguin beside you?

Friend 1: Yeah a found thus little guy and I have no idea what to do with him..

Friend 2: Don be dumb take him to...

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The drunk Norwegian hunters

Three Norwegian hunters had been out on their yearly hunting trip. The hunt had been a great success as they all bagged a deer.

So now they were drinking around the campfire like the tradition was after a successful hunt. The three celebrated hard and long since it was the first time they al...

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A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife lose interest in having...

Sex. The doctor gives him a flask and warned: "Put only 5 drops in her drink, but no more than 5 understand? Its very strong". In the night, before the wife come home from work, the man make dinner and a couple drinks. He put the 5 drops on her glass but then he thinks: "Was too long since the last ...

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Three homeless guys are looking for a place to sleep for the night

(It's a long one but bear with it).

The first guy comes across a dumpster in an alleyway, he decides it's too cold to keep looking and climbs inside.

The second guy walks to the end of the alleyway and finds an abandoned car, he gets to work on picking the lock as he decides that's whe...

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A man dies



his friends didn't know how to inform his wife, so the best friend went there and told the wife

\-There's something you need to know, your husband was fired from his job three months ago

\-what? then what is he doing outside all day long since then ? and how did ...

I was once afflicted with with a terrible bout of dry mouth...

The doctors could do nothing to help and my future was looking dim. My food had long since been rendered flavorless and eating became a chore, until I met a man who said he was sent by god to cure my ailment. I was skeptical but desperate, willing to try anything.

I asked him "How much?" and...

A man becomes marooned on a deserted island...

He's learned how to survive and manages to keep up the routine for 10 years. One day while sitting on the beach a gorgeous woman walks out of the waves in full scuba gear. He runs up to her ecstatic to see another human face. He is still in disbelief when he says, "Are... are you real?" She nods...

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After a plane crash, only one woman and two men survived and are lost on a virgin island...

...so they start organizing their new lives, because they have no hope of ever seeing help. While one of them is in charge of hunting and picking fruits, the others build a house, etc.

One day however, the woman decides to convoke both men and expose her frustration:

"It's been so long...

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