I filed a police report about my missing bag yesterday and a few hours later, the cops called to say that they found it.

It was a brief case.

My parents are both mimes, but they’ve recently filed for divorce.

They just don’t communicate.

A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen.

Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.

It was a brief case.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A large group of first year medical school students filed into a lab...

...during their first week, for the first meeting of their gross anatomy class where they would be examining human cadavers. The professor walked to the front of the room, and addressed the students:

"The most important quality you will need as a physician is unfazability. Nothing can '...

I've been in jail 3 times and filed for bankruptcy

I hate playing Monopoly

A young man and a young woman met at a party, fell in love and moved in together.

Soon, some say too soon after that, they got married. As the newlyweds didn’t have a car, the mother of the bride decided to gift them the family heirloom, a 1965 Mustang GT350 that the brides grandfather had been racing back in the day.

For a while all was well and the bride and the groom sp...

What genre would Trump's autobiography be filed under?

Fan fiction.

Khrushchev was giving a speech when a heckler in the audience shouted "Why did you never speak out against Stalin?"

Straight away Khrushchev bellowed "WHO SAID THAT?" and there was a rattle of safeties being taken off by his bodyguards. Nobody spoke. Khrushchev bellowed even louder "**WHO. SAID. THAT?!**". He gave a signal, one gesture of his hand. More armed men filed into the hall and stared intently down e...

The attorney filed a motion for a new trial. The judge barked angrily "On what grounds!?"

"Your honor," the lawyer explained, "my client has discovered some money that I didn't know he had."

A conductor harassed a woman on his bus

Charges were filed and the judge sentenced him to death by electric chair.


But it had no effect because he was a bad conductor.

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Quality assurance joke about sex (NSFW)

There was a quality assurance bug tester who was interested in getting pregnant. She read on a factual website that having sex without a condom will make you pregnant, so that's what she did. However, a month later, she was not pregnant.

Frustrated, she submitted a complaint to the website th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father and son go on a nature expedition in Alaska.

On their first day, they meet their guide who gives them a rundown of everything they can expect during their trip. During the conversation, the son notices a very large caliber pistol strapped to the ranger's side. "Wow, that's a big pistol" he comments, "What do you use it for?" "Well son, this is...

Why did Hulk Hogan and Donkey Kong meet at the same time?

They were both in court for copyright claims filed against them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited.

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited.

Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.

Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the custom...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trial for Laughing

A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.

When she noticed a young man smiling at her, she began feeling uncomfortable due to her condition.

She changed her seat and the man seemed more amused.

She moved again and the man laughed even more!

She f...

A long time ago...

For many years, a small indian village had been mistreated by a great fire breathing dragon. All the villages were too scared to even leave their houses at night, that was except for a young man named Urkake.

Urkake was a fearless fighter who swore to the village that he would slay the drago...

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Did you hear Mickey Mouse filed for divorce from Minnie Mouse?

The judge said he couldn't grant the divorce on grounds of insanity, because he saw no evidence of that. Mickey Mouse said "I never said she was insane! I said she was fucking Goofy!"

Why is NASA having a lawsuit filed against them from animal protection?

...because curiosty killed the cat

Went to the gym earlier, and while working out I noticed a hole in my trainer... just big enough to get my finger in.

Anyway....she filed a formal complaint and I'm banned for life

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] [NSFW] One warm autumn day,

A man walks into the patent office and slams a stack of papers down triumphantly. "I've bred apples that taste like different fruits, and furthermore, each half of an apple tastes different!"

The patent clerk looks up in boredom, "Sure, sure... But I need to verify the truthfulness of this cl...

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