Files Jokes - 42 Hilarious Files Jokes

Could you imagine if trump actually moved the files from govt servers to a private server?

That would be Hillaryous.

Edit: My first reddit silver! Thank you kindly!

Edit2: reddit gold?! You all are too good to me!

The Twitter Files...

... are now the X-Files

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boobs are like JPEG files

Enlarging loses some quality.

My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

Be careful about emails from weird addresses with long links or strange files attached

They could be from your parents

What does a Jedi use to open files?

Adobe-wan Kenobi

During his presidency, there were some files that even Obama couldn’t touch.

The \*For Biden\* files.

How do Frenchmen share files?

Pierre to Pierre.

if you added the letters S and E to the X files

it would be the X-ES Files. haha excess files. way too many files lol

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Files in a pint

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman wander into a little old pub in Kildare. They each ask the barman for a pint of Guinness. After the pints are placed onto the bar, three bluebottles drop into each man’s freshly poured pint.

The Englishman pushes his pint away in disgust and orders up...

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Mickey Mouse finds out his wife is cheating, and files for divorce.

He comes home from work one day and says: "Honey, I'm hooooome!"
Thereafter no response. That's weird. He thinks to himself.
He goes about his business, and begins putting his things away when he hears a sound. It's his bead creaking coming from upstairs in his bedroom.
Someone is in my ro...

My dad’s palaeontology files are filling up the family computer

They’re hundreds of trilobites

Time files when you're having fun

Meanwhile one frog to another, "Times fun when you're having flies"

Bosnian X-Files

In Sarajevo hospital, at intensive care unit, a patient would die every single Friday at exactly 11 PM, in the very same bed, no matter what their medical condition may have been.

Doctors became extremely worried because they couldn't determine causes of their deaths.

Time passed on a...

How does Lady Gaga unzip files on windows?

RAR, RAR-ah-ah-ah.

Why aren't MS Word files allowed here?

Rule 4: No docx-ing

Sitting down at my work desk, all my files are gone...

... and I'm asking myself : Who let the .docx out?

How do clowns store files?

They store them on a flash drive with 32 gigglebytes of space.

A stationery store was broken into. Box files, wall calendars and appointment diaries were stolen.

Police suspect highly organised crime.

How to audio files say hi to one another?

They just .wav

Why Jesus never loses his files?

Because Jesus saves...

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders

1. Go to your Desktop and make a new folder named Internet Explorer
2. Change the folder's icon to Internet Explorer
3. Keep it in your favorite corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer!

A Chinese husband files for divorce.

The judge asks, "What's the reason?" The man replies, "Me no come, she no come, but baby come. How come?"

My operating system just deleted half my files.

I knew I should’ve never installed ThanOS.

If you add S to EX files...

You get EX-S files. Get it? Excess files haha

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mickey Mouse files for divorce

The divorce court judge says "Micky, I can't determine from your statement whether the grounds for divorce are insanity or infidelity."

Mickey says, "your honor, I don't know how it could be more clear, Minnie Mouse is fucking goofy."

What do you call it when two Frenchmen share files?

Pierre-to-Pierre transfer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mickey Mouse files for a divorce.

A few days later he gets a call from his lawyer, who says

“Mickey, I’m sorry, but you can’t divorce Minnie just because you think she’s crazy.”

Mickey replies

“I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she was fucking Goofy.”

Dinosaur file transfer

How does a dinosaur send files from one computer to another?

First, he puts them in a .RAR

What does David Bowie call his OpenDocument files?

space.odt

What is the way two French dudes share their files electronically?

Pierre to Pierre network.

The JFK files will be released today.

If there's anything that satisfies conspiracy theorists' curiosity, it's files released by the government.

What do emos use to compress files?

.rawr files

I just found out about these things called "mods" that can alter game files.

They're absolutely game changing.

How does Smaug copy files to a USB stick?

Dragon drop

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer.

They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. Th...

Hackers took over our system and won't give us back access to our files until we tell them how good looking they are.

It's a handsomeware attack.

There are only two types of files. SWF and NSWF

Shockwave files and non-shockwave files

A wife files an accidental death claim for her husband. It gets denied. She calls the insurance company demanding to know why the policy wasn't honored. The agent reviewed the notes and informed her the policy wasn't covered because he'd died from a heart attack, to which she replied:

"My husband didn't have a heart attack on purpose!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year!

*(Made mine this morning!!)*

1 cup sugar,
1 tsp. baking powder,
1 cup water,
1 tsp. salt ,
1 cup brown sugar,
Lemon juice,
4 large eggs,
Nuts,
1 bottle Vodka,
2 cups dried fruit.

Sample a cup of Vodka to check qual...

How do you call the actor in the male leading role from the X-files if he commits a murder?

a Mulderer .

Gillian Anderson of the x files just lost custody of her 12 year old boy following a long legal battle.

She is now Gillian Withouterson.

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