UPJOKE
registerrecorddocumentsdocumentdatabasefolderdatalodgechargeimpeachdata filefile cabinetfiling cabinetsingle fileapplication

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Mickey Mouse finds out his wife is cheating, and files for divorce.

He comes home from work one day and says: "Honey, I'm hooooome!"
Thereafter no response. That's weird. He thinks to himself.
He goes about his business, and begins putting his things away when he hears a sound. It's his bead creaking coming from upstairs in his bedroom.
Someone is in my ro...

My dad’s palaeontology files are filling up the family computer

They’re hundreds of trilobites

Could you imagine if trump actually moved the files from govt servers to a private server?

That would be Hillaryous.

Edit: My first reddit silver! Thank you kindly!

Edit2: reddit gold?! You all are too good to me!

My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

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Files in a pint

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman wander into a little old pub in Kildare. They each ask the barman for a pint of Guinness. After the pints are placed onto the bar, three bluebottles drop into each man’s freshly poured pint.

The Englishman pushes his pint away in disgust and orders up...

A stationery store was broken into. Box files, wall calendars and appointment diaries were stolen.

Police suspect highly organised crime.

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A man walks into a hardware store.

Hello sir! Can I help you find something?

I need a file.

Ok, you want one of the flat bastard files?

No, I need one of them round mother fuckers.

Hackers took over our system and won't give us back access to our files until we tell them how good looking they are.

It's a handsomeware attack.

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Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year!

*(Made mine this morning!!)*

1 cup sugar,
1 tsp. baking powder,
1 cup water,
1 tsp. salt ,
1 cup brown sugar,
Lemon juice,
4 large eggs,
Nuts,
1 bottle Vodka,
2 cups dried fruit.

Sample a cup of Vodka to check qual...

During his presidency, there were some files that even Obama couldn’t touch.

The \*For Biden\* files.

How does Lady Gaga unzip files on windows?

RAR, RAR-ah-ah-ah.

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.

They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to setup a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.' So Satan and Jesus sat do...

Why aren't MS Word files allowed here?

Rule 4: No docx-ing

A bloke goes into the job centre in Newcastle and sees a card advertising for a gynaecologist’s assistant; intrigued, he goes in to find out more…

‘Can you give me some more details about this?’ he says to the guy behind the desk.

The job centre guy sorts through his files and replies, ‘Ah yes, I've had quite a few enquiries about this one; the job involves you getting patients ready for the gynaecologist – you have to help them out of ...

Gillian Anderson of the x files just lost custody of her 12 year old boy following a long legal battle.

She is now Gillian Withouterson.

A Two-Fold Accident

A man gets into a car accident along a busy avenue. His car is completely totaled, the bumper fell off, the lights are all shattered, there's glass everywhere. Irate, he gets out of his car and begins to yell at the other driver. The other driver peeks out of his window, wearing a bright orange hat....

What does a Jedi use to open files?

Adobe-wan Kenobi

if you added the letters S and E to the X files

it would be the X-ES Files. haha excess files. way too many files lol

My operating system just deleted half my files.

I knew I should’ve never installed ThanOS.

Bosnian X-Files

In Sarajevo hospital, at intensive care unit, a patient would die every single Friday at exactly 11 PM, in the very same bed, no matter what their medical condition may have been.

Doctors became extremely worried because they couldn't determine causes of their deaths.

Time passed on a...

I just found out about these things called "mods" that can alter game files.

They're absolutely game changing.

How to audio files say hi to one another?

They just .wav

How do Frenchmen share files?

Pierre to Pierre.

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders

1. Go to your Desktop and make a new folder named Internet Explorer
2. Change the folder's icon to Internet Explorer
3. Keep it in your favorite corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer!

Sitting down at my work desk, all my files are gone...

... and I'm asking myself : Who let the .docx out?

The French have come up with a more efficient way of sharing files electronically.

It’s a Pierre-to-Pierre network.

What do you call it when two Frenchmen share files?

Pierre-to-Pierre transfer.

How do clowns store files?

They store them on a flash drive with 32 gigglebytes of space.

If you add S to EX files...

You get EX-S files. Get it? Excess files haha

Why Jesus never loses his files?

Because Jesus saves...

Husband files for divorce. In the court, judge asks why, he says - she doesn't satisfy me.

The wife replies - the entire neighborhood is satisfied, he is the only one always complaining.

What does David Bowie call his OpenDocument files?

space.odt

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3 men die and go to Heaven

3 men die and go to Heaven. St Peter meets them and starts reviewing their files.

He starts talking to the first guy: “I see that you lived a good life, but you cheated on your wife 30 times. That’s not very good, but not bad enough to send you to hell. So you can stay in heaven, but you’ll h...

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Mickey Mouse files for divorce

The divorce court judge says "Micky, I can't determine from your statement whether the grounds for divorce are insanity or infidelity."

Mickey says, "your honor, I don't know how it could be more clear, Minnie Mouse is fucking goofy."

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