UPJOKE
datainformationdata pointstatisticreadingindicationinfoinformationalmisinformationhspaencbgsismtopographicreflectivity

I collected a lot of data trying to disprove confirmation bias.

The results were exactly what I expected.

What is the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your computer and accesses all your data. The other is an industry standard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A single sperm contains 37.5MB of DNA

Meanwhile ejaculation is equivalent to a data transfer of roughly 1,587.5TB. Now, that's a lot of information to swallow.

What does the baby computer call it’s father?

Data.

There are two kinds of people in this world

1. Those who can extrapolate meaning from incomplete data

Where do pirates store their computer data?

In an ARRay.

What do you call it when data goes on a difficult car journey?

A hard drive

If you think that your microwave is collecting data and the Tv is spying on you is bad enough...

The vacuum have been gathering dirt on your for years...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that the average ejaculation contains nearly 16,000 MB of data?

I don't know if I can stomach this information...

If you wanted to display data about well built furniture for horse houses, what would it be called?

A stable stable tables table.

What does the byte say to the megabyte?

"Data"

A very cold winter indeed!

A young First Nations chief in Canada has just taken over leadership of his tribe, and wants to do the very best for his people. Since it is autumn, he tells them they should gather firewood for the coming winter, so they start to do that. But the young chief still has doubts - what if they don't ...

There are two types of people in this world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

And those with an uncontrollable urge to finish the sentence even at the expense of the joke.

Why was the data visualization guy's graph so ugly?

Because he lost the plot.

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefu...

There's a big difference between a bee from the UK and a bee from the US.

A UK bee carries pollen, a US bee carries data

I never thought I'd have a fetish for collecting data on people.

But then I came to my census

Why did the Python data scientist get arrested at customs?

She was caught trying to import pandas!

A mixup at the gates of hell

The devil was sitting at the gates of hell when an old man suddenly arrived in a burst of flames, looking confused and lost. The Devil looked at his paperwork,

and frowned. He was unable to find this old man’s data file.



“This can’t be right,” the old man said, looking at the D...

Santa Jingle…

He's making a list.

He's checking it twice.

Gonna find out who's naughty or nice.

Santa Claus is in violation of the General Data Protection Regulation (EU) 2016/679

A physicist tries betting on horse races

The physicist could not get any job, so he decided to bet on horse races to make a living. He did intensive experimentation, and used state of the art machine learning algorithms to gain more insight. After filling many notebooks and accumulating a very large amount of data, he exclaims "I have the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Italian math challenge

An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. Here's your first question,' the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'

'Withouta numbers?' the Italian says, 'Datsa easy.' and he proceeds to draw three trees.

'...

What's the spookiest data type?

***Boo***\-lean!

I suggested an awesome product name and slogan for marketers of a data file decompression utility, but they wouldn't take me up on it.

The company's stupid focus groups thought it was inappropriate.

I mean, come on, what's wrong with:

"SIGH unzips"?

Science whiz

So Bobby had a science project where he had to come up with an experiment and observation. After much thought, he decided to use his pet spider.

With his notebook to collect data, he brought his spider and let it out on the table. Bobby then said to the spider, “Walk”.
The spider started ...

Technically, Moses was the first man in history to download data from the cloud to his tablet.

Technically, Moses was the first man in history to download data from the cloud to his tablet. And lucky the data is also in the cloud, cause he got angry and smashed his tablet, so he needed a new one to download everything again.

I was arrested for having an unhealthy attraction to large amounts of data

They’re calling me a petaphile

The uprising of the machines

When the machines finally rise up and access my fitness bracelet data, they will realize that I am not a threat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

chiropractors and police officers

What's the difference between a chiropractor and a police officer? One takes a crack at it and then the customer goes home, and the other takes a crack addict and throws him in jail for a very long time. But it's not all differences though. They both offer temporary relief with not much data to prov...

New data has claimed that only 52% of students leave school with an acceptable grade in Maths.

Safe to say I am part of the 34% that struggled with it.

Did you know?

Did you know that a sperm cell contains 35.75 MB of data. Making a load contain about 16TB

Yes i know, thats alot of information to swallow.

My LGBTQ+ programmer friend told me they were having trouble with some data inputs the other day...

I think it's because they're non-binary

The Italians set up two telecommunications networks. They called them Data-1, and..









...Dissa-1

I found a book today that's all about selling your personal data for nefarious use

Facebook

A spy stationed in a foreign country stopped responding to his handler.

A spy stationed in a foreign country stopped responding to his handler. After a while, the handler received a letter in the mail. It told her the spy has been compromised, but, before his capture, he'd snuck out some very important government secrets. He'd used the world's smallest memory card to co...

A priest, a thief, and an engineer were all waiting in line to be executed by guillotine during the French revolution.

The priest was to be the first to meet his fate. As he stepped onto the platform the executioner asked him "Father, would you like to meet your maker face up or face down?"

After thinking about it for a moment, the priest answered "My son, if today is to be my last day, then I wish to go face...

Why did Lt. Commander Data get arrested?

Because he was being charged with a battery.

What do you call a drive full of sorted data?

Information in formation

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me and my friend getting high in my room. Friend: Did you know that your cum holds 1.5 TB of data per ejaculation?

Me: That's how I DDoS your mum bruh.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Internet speed world record broken in Japan with 319Tb/s data transer speed

But still the contents will be blurry

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex in high school is like big data

Everybody talks about it but nobody knows what it is

Why do you always call your first data point y₀?

Why not?

Google didn't fail to inform about Google+ data breach.

They posted it on Google+ but no one saw it.

I hate it when people use the average of several data points to represent their data.

It’s just mean.

Trying to create a decent graph of my data but some mystery guy keeps adding more samples to it.

The plot thickens.

Mark Zuckerberg is really upset that Facebook is about to be fined $5 billion by the FTC for misusing users’ personal data.

Please respect his privacy at this challenging time.

What did the data say to the CPU?

Cache me outside

The most embarrassing thing that can happen to a data scientist...

Is premature extrapolation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The only app I want stealing my personal data is Pornhub.

Their 'recommended for you' section is always lit!

Does anyone know why tik tok data is getting stolen?

I thought they would be looking for intelligence.....

I've made a DataBase of some of the worst Carpool Karaoke songs ever.

It's called CarDB!

Statistically speaking, the data I have collected indicates my dad jokes are quite funny...

I guess you can call it dada science...

What's a pirate's favorite device to store data on ?

CD-RUM

A monk walks into a data center

And says to the owner, "Great things will come to you if you allow me to store my R.E.A.P device here."
The owner, confused, asks what a R.E.A.P device is. The monk smiles and writes a little note to the man that states: "It doesn't matter what it is but you will get great karma for R.E.A.P Hosti...

What do a strip club and a Reddit data center have in common?

Both are full of big racks and lonely guys.

Data: Captain

We have the 20th century machine that puts clothes together now working. Would you like to see a demonstration.

Capt: Make it sew.

In light of the customers' data breach Capital One unveiled a new slogan today:

Who's in your wallet?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA info and one ejaculation equals 15,875 GB of data, then why aren't we using sperm based hard drives?

Because once the data is released the hard drives revert to floppy dicks.

Statistical inference joke - why are two medians in a single data set funny?

Because it's a co-median ^_^

Why couldn’t the restaurant owners open a new data center

They didn’t have enough servers

Why doesn't Spiderman have a data plan for his phone?

Because he's always connected to the web

Why does Data the android cost Starfleet so much money?

Because Data is enterprise hardware.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.