What's the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your devices and accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard.

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A single sperm contains 37.5mb of DNA information which means that a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587.5 tb

That's a lot of information to swallow

Technically, Moses was the first man in history to download data from the cloud to his tablet.

Technically, Moses was the first man in history to download data from the cloud to his tablet. And lucky the data is also in the cloud, cause he got angry and smashed his tablet, so he needed a new one to download everything again.

What do you call a drive full of sorted data?

Information in formation

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The Italian math challenge

An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. Here's your first question,' the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'

'Withouta numbers?' the Italian says, 'Datsa easy.' and he proceeds to draw three trees.

'...

Why do you always call your first data point y₀?

Why not?

Moses was very modern

He was the first to get a tablet with a data from the cloud

I found a book today that's all about selling your personal data for nefarious use

Facebook

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One ejaculation has about 15,875GB of data

That’s a lot of information to swallow

NASA Scientists were eagerly waiting for the rover to send back the first sounds from Mars.

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people were huddled around a lab station for hou...

I collected a lot of data trying to disprove confirmation bias.

The results were exactly what I expected.

What do a zoo owner and a Python data analyst have in common?

They both import pandas.

The Devil sat at the gates of hell... (Story Joke)

An old man suddenly arrived in a burst of flames, looking confused and lost. The Devil looked at his paperwork, and frowned. He was unable to find this old man’s data file.

“This can’t be right,” the old man grumbled, looking at the Devil, “I’ve been a good man my whole life.”

The Dev...

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Why did the virgin data analyst never get a return call from the waiter?

Too many bytes on the server’s member.

The most embarrassing thing that can happen to a data scientist...

Is premature extrapolation.

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A Covid-19 study produced some startling results.

Data was conducted from a
[email protected] online survey in Italy
from April 7 to May 4, 2020. In it
were 6,821 participants 18 or older
(4177 women, 2,644 men), and
results from it show that erectile
dysfunction was significantly higher
among men than among women.

NSA's pick up lines:

"Did you fall from heaven? Because there's no tracking data on how you arrived at this location" "I'd tap that" "I know exactly where you have been all my life"

What is the difference between a bee from the UK and a bee from the US?

A UK bee carries pollen, the latter carries data.

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The only app I want stealing my personal data is Pornhub.

Their 'recommended for you' section is always lit!

Does anyone know why tik tok data is getting stolen?

I thought they would be looking for intelligence.....

The misuse of users' Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress.

He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.

Tech company mission statements be like

We're a customer centric organization and we deliver the value of IOT, cloud, big data, blockchain, machine learning, and artificial intelligence by using design thinking to drive digital transformation for the connected enterprise.

My stats professor told me that the larger the sample size the more trustworthy the data.

I guess the N's justify the means.

Statistically speaking, the data I have collected indicates my dad jokes are quite funny...

I guess you can call it dada science...

What does a baby computer call its father?

Data

Data: Captain

We have the 20th century machine that puts clothes together now working. Would you like to see a demonstration.

Capt: Make it sew.

COVID Vaccine Efficacy

Researchers from the Universidad Autónoma de Guadalajara in Mexico discovered that a single dose of the corona virus vaccine was capable of alleviating life-threatening and reducing transmission rates by 87%.

An audio excerpt from the conversations of the two researchers, C. Guillermo and H. ...

Don't be worried about your smartphone and television collecting your data...

Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for YEARS now.

I identify as an IOS update...

No-one likes me, I'm useless and I steal your personal data.

There are two types of people in the world.

1. The kind that can extrapolate from missing data

Science/Engineering joke from my lab today

So today I was in fluids lab and our lab was about surface tension. As part of that, we were supposed to estimate the angle of a meniscus of water in a tube, so one guy was doing the angle estimation, I was measuring something else and the other guy was recording data. Anyway, I asked the guy who wa...

What's a pirate's favorite device to store data on ?

CD-RUM

An unethical young scientist finds a frog on the side of the road



He takes it in for studying and sets it on his desk. The scientist prods the frog and tells it to jump. The frog leaps an astonishing 3 feet 8 inches into the air.

The scientist takes one leg off the frog, and then pokes it again, yelling "Jump". The Frog needs no further telling and ...

What do you call Data that stores footage from a live music performance?

A Gig-abyte

In light of the customers' data breach Capital One unveiled a new slogan today:

Who's in your wallet?

Trying to create a decent graph of my data but some mystery guy keeps adding more samples to it.

The plot thickens.

Google didn't fail to inform about Google+ data breach.

They posted it on Google+ but no one saw it.

People were asking how the hell Data is going to be in the new Picard series

I thought it was pretty obvious that Jean Luc would have an unlimited Data plan

Mark Zuckerberg is really upset that Facebook is about to be fined $5 billion by the FTC for misusing users’ personal data.

Please respect his privacy at this challenging time.

I hate it when people use the average of several data points to represent their data.

It’s just mean.

A monk walks into a data center

And says to the owner, "Great things will come to you if you allow me to store my R.E.A.P device here."
The owner, confused, asks what a R.E.A.P device is. The monk smiles and writes a little note to the man that states: "It doesn't matter what it is but you will get great karma for R.E.A.P Hosti...

Why do conservative data analysts hate vertically joining datasets?

Because they're anti-union

I named my data endpoint protection AI "Johnny".

He's my Johnny D.E.P.P.

Why couldn’t the restaurant owners open a new data center

They didn’t have enough servers

Why does Data the android cost Starfleet so much money?

Because Data is enterprise hardware.

What did the data say to the CPU?

Cache me outside

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Jack is a cowboy working on a large ranch in a remote pasture in Wyoming.

One day as he’s overseeing the livestock on the ranch a brand-new 7 Series BMW suddenly advances towards him creating an enormous cloud of dust in the process

The car stops and the driver is a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and YSL tie. He steps out of the car and...

Turns out google is selling your personal data

Bing if true.

Which food collects your personal data?

A Zuckerburger.

A pirate names his new ship Data

His first mate remarks, "Data is a fine vessel."

The pirate responds, "Data *are*!

How do data march?

In formation.

If I had a pound for every email I got about data protection...

Well that's private

What do a strip club and a Reddit data center have in common?

Both are full of big racks and lonely guys.

I tried to set up multiple knock knock jokes about data storage...

But nobody would take a byte.

Where did the Wifi router go?

He went data way.

Data gathered from over 10,000 prisoners worldwide suggests that the most common side effect is...

...cell-ulite.

Statistical inference joke - why are two medians in a single data set funny?

Because it's a co-median ^_^

Find out if Cambridge Analytica has access to your data...

But first, fill out this personality & psychological profile quiz to find out...

I'm really worried about my privacy being compromised and my personal data being shared by third parties.

"Alexa, what steps can I take to protect my privacy?"

Google knows!

Subject: Today's Reality


CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?


GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.


CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.


GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.


CALLER: OK. I would like to order a ...

Everyone's so surprised about Facebook stealing their data. But not me...

...I saw the writing on the wall.

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The average sperm cell contains 37.5 MB of data

That means the average ejaculation contains 1587.5 TB of data.

It's a lot of information to spit out before getting a divorce, leaving with the kids and house, and leaving you with nothing but a dingy car and your clothes to live the rest of your sad, lonely life.

A couple scientists created an AI

That seemed to be able to answer all questions. It cured cancer and even told them how to travel faster than light.one day one of the scientists asked it if there was a god. The ai asked for all of humanities information in order to answer. It was given all books ever written, all historical data an...

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A statistician was accused of selection bias in his work surveying virgins.

Apparently he was cherry-picking his data.

I was visiting my hometown and I drove past the data recovery center I used to work at.

It really brought back a lot of memories.

Don't have enough storage?

Buy a chinese phone, so you are ensured that CCP has backup of all your data.

What do you call an Asian woman who lives next to a data centre?

Ping Lo.

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How many consultants does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to collect all the information from the client what he wants done
1 to fill a flipchart with nonsensical bullshit
1 to whip the interns to actually collect the data required (i.e. someone has to pretend to work)
1 to write a report about it
12 to bill the work of the 18 people ...

A woman is urgently rushed to hospital by her brother to give birth to twins.

In the hospital, she gives birth to a boy and a girl. She loses consciousness shortly after.


A few hours later, she wakes up with a doctor standing over her. She asks "Where are my children?"


The doctor replies "They're in the next room with your brother. He said you wouldn't m...

A friend of mine accidentally deleted my game data and told me to calm down

...So after a nice cup of tea, i hid his body

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