Statistically speaking, the data I have collected indicates my dad jokes are quite funny...

I guess you can call it dada science...

I collected a lot of data trying to disprove confirmation bias.

The results were exactly what I expected.

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Jack is a cowboy working on a large ranch in a remote pasture in Wyoming.

One day as he’s overseeing the livestock on the ranch a brand-new 7 Series BMW suddenly advances towards him creating an enormous cloud of dust in the process

The car stops and the driver is a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and YSL tie. He steps out of the car and...

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A single sperm has about 37.5 mb of data in it. That would mean a single ejaculation would be a transfer of about 1.587 tb worth of data

That’s a lot of information to swallow, I know.

Whats the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your devices and accesses your data, the other is a hardware standard.

A study of different American’s choice of sport

Now this is profound:

It is very interesting looking over data of different socioeconomic groups in America and the different types of recreation they partake in, and what it means about them as a group.

Poor people tend to play basketball.

Working Class tend to play football<...

Data: Captain

We have the 20th century machine that puts clothes together now working. Would you like to see a demonstration.

Capt: Make it sew.

Breakups are the best excuse.

Your friends want to go out to that restaurant you hate?

Just look sad and say: “My girlfriend and I used to love going there...”

Boom, nobody wants to go anymore. Pity works wonders.

Your boss asks you at stay late Friday night?

Look sad and say: “My girlfriend and I use...

Don't be worried about your smartphone and television collecting your data...

Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for YEARS now.

There's only two kinds of people...

Those who can extrapolate from a given set of data.

What do you call Data that stores footage from a live music performance?

A Gig-abyte

The misuse of users' Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress.

He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.

Smith was a man of cold facts, a scientist, a computer jock, and a confirmed atheist.

He became somewhat obsessed with the desire to prove the truth as he saw it. So he mortgaged his house and sold his car in order to put a down payment on the most powerful computer commercially available. Then Smith plugged it into every data bank in the world, accessed every library in the United S...

In light of the customers' data breach Capital One unveiled a new slogan today:

Who's in your wallet?

My stats professor told me that the larger the sample size the more trustworthy the data.

I guess the N's justify the means.

People were asking how the hell Data is going to be in the new Picard series

I thought it was pretty obvious that Jean Luc would have an unlimited Data plan

Why do conservative data analysts hate vertically joining datasets?

Because they're anti-union

A data analyst walks into a bar and sees two tables..

So he goes over to them and says; "Hey guys, can I join you?"

Why doesn't Spiderman have a data plan for his phone?

Because he's always connected to the web

What's a pirate's favorite device to store data on ?

CD-RUM

What do you call a madman who destroys a trillion bytes of data?

A Teraist

Mark Zuckerberg is really upset that Facebook is about to be fined $5 billion by the FTC for misusing users’ personal data.

Please respect his privacy at this challenging time.

A couple scientists created an AI

That seemed to be able to answer all questions. It cured cancer and even told them how to travel faster than light.one day one of the scientists asked it if there was a god. The ai asked for all of humanities information in order to answer. It was given all books ever written, all historical data an...

Trying to create a decent graph of my data but some mystery guy keeps adding more samples to it.

The plot thickens.

A monk walks into a data center

And says to the owner, "Great things will come to you if you allow me to store my R.E.A.P device here."
The owner, confused, asks what a R.E.A.P device is. The monk smiles and writes a little note to the man that states: "It doesn't matter what it is but you will get great karma for R.E.A.P Hosti...

Google didn't fail to inform about Google+ data breach.

They posted it on Google+ but no one saw it.

I hate it when people use the average of several data points to represent their data.

It’s just mean.

Why does Data the android cost Starfleet so much money?

Because Data is enterprise hardware.

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A boy asks his dad about the difference between theory and practice.

So the dad tells him to go and ask his sister, mother, and grandmother whether or not they would be willing to sleep with a man for 1 million dollars.

The boy asks his grandmother who says "for much less"

Then his mother who says "beats sleeping with that broke son of a bitch you call ...

I named my data endpoint protection AI "Johnny".

He's my Johnny D.E.P.P.

Why couldn’t the restaurant owners open a new data center

They didn’t have enough servers

Turns out google is selling your personal data

Bing if true.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

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The Australian government sends a civil servant to gather data about the habits of a remote Aboriginal tribe

The civil servant asks a tribesman a series of questions about his life and eventually the matter of personal hygiene comes up.

\- How often do you wash your penis?

\- "Penis"? What's a "penis"?


Thinking this is the quickest way to explain, the civil servant drops his pants ...

A mathematician, a biologist and a statistician sat at a bar

Across the street they saw a man and a woman enter a building. 30 minutes later the man and the woman appears with a child.

The statistician said that this is clearly a case of faulty data. There is more information here than we have.

Nonsense, said the biologist. Clearly this is a sim...

Star Trek: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Captain Kirk: "To boldly go where no chicken had gone before!"
Spock: "At the time, it seemed the logical thing to do."
McCoy: "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a barnyard psychologist!"
Scotty: "Because it couldna change the laws o' physics!"
Computer: "Insufficient data."

D...

How do data march?

In formation.

Which food collects your personal data?

A Zuckerburger.

I made a graph showing my past relationships

But I don’t have any data to input

If I had a pound for every email I got about data protection...

Well that's private

What did the data say to the CPU?

Cache me outside

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What's the difference between a data storage device and a data transfer device?

One is a hard disk and the other is a hard dick.

What do a strip club and a Reddit data center have in common?

Both are full of big racks and lonely guys.

There are 10 kinds of people...

...those who can extrapolate from missing data and those who mesh and butcher well established jokes.

There are 11 types of people in this world...

1 those who understand binary

2 those who don't

3 those who are sick of hearing this joke





4 those who don't check for data overruns



Commit: re-scope of overflow after code review thanks @eightvo

-- 6 those who don't check for data overrun...

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The world's press gathers...

...at a press conference announced by the team at CERN in Geneva. The CERN spokeswoman steps up to the speaking podium and smiles broadly at the assembled reporters, microphones and cameras. She begins to speak.

“Thank you all for joining us today. We have some major announcements to make...

A group of Engineers are in a bar and the conversation turns to religion,...

The System Engineer says, "God must be an Systems Engineer, look at the design of the human nervous system. Millions of signals flying back and forward at enormous speeds, all controlled by a massively powerful processing system that can make billions of calculations every second. Only the greatest ...

A Mathematician, A Physicist and A Chemist were on a Beach

They decided to put their expertise to use and conduct some research. The Math man said, "I'll jump into the water and measure the depth of the ocean." The Physicist said, "I will go and examine the density of the water at various depths." The Chemist said, "I will use the data you both collect and ...

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If a sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA info and one ejaculation equals 15,875 GB of data, then why aren't we using sperm based hard drives?

Because once the data is released the hard drives revert to floppy dicks.

Data gathered from over 10,000 prisoners worldwide suggests that the most common side effect is...

...cell-ulite.

What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and Jean Luc Picard?

Picard didn't sell Data

I'm really worried about my privacy being compromised and my personal data being shared by third parties.

"Alexa, what steps can I take to protect my privacy?"

Find out if Cambridge Analytica has access to your data...

But first, fill out this personality & psychological profile quiz to find out...

Everyone's so surprised about Facebook stealing their data. But not me...

...I saw the writing on the wall.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The average sperm cell contains 37.5 MB of data

That means the average ejaculation contains 1587.5 TB of data.

It's a lot of information to spit out before getting a divorce, leaving with the kids and house, and leaving you with nothing but a dingy car and your clothes to live the rest of your sad, lonely life.

I told this gamer chick...

You wanna experience the fastest data transfer rate known to man?

She was very excited until I unzipped my pants.

:rimshot:

Mom: what were you doing for an hour in the toilet?

Me: i was flushing 1500 terabytes worth of data

Mom: you had your laptop with you in the toilet?

Me: Sure

Elon Musk is so rich his his tow-truck is a rocket ship, his parking garage is space, and he can afford an unlimited data plan with no throttling!

Yea I mean like no buffering at all.

Statistical inference joke - why are two medians in a single data set funny?

Because it's a co-median ^_^

What do you call an Asian woman who lives next to a data centre?

Ping Lo.

I was visiting my hometown and I drove past the data recovery center I used to work at.

It really brought back a lot of memories.

A friend of mine accidentally deleted my game data and told me to calm down

...So after a nice cup of tea, i hid his body

Was at a “Capital One Cafe” and asked the waitress for her phone number.

Oh NOW they start guarding personal data.

I'm so tired of my phone carrier...

I had the Wi-Fi hotspot on and I was connected from my laptop, the signal was awful and I ran out of data

I tell you what, I'm at the end of my tether...

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