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A single sperm contains 37.5mb of DNA information which means that a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587.5 tb

That's a lot of information to swallow

Technically, Moses was the first man in history to download data from the cloud to his tablet.

Technically, Moses was the first man in history to download data from the cloud to his tablet. And lucky the data is also in the cloud, cause he got angry and smashed his tablet, so he needed a new one to download everything again.

I collected a lot of data trying to disprove confirmation bias.

The results were exactly what I expected.

The Italians set up two telecommunications networks. They called them Data-1, and..









...Dissa-1

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An Italian wants a job [read in an accent]

An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. Here's your first question,' the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'

'Withouta numbers?' the Italian says, 'Datsa easy.' and he proceeds to draw three trees.

'W...

There are two types of people in this world: One, who can extrapolate from incomplete data,

Two.

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Me and my friend getting high in my room. Friend: Did you know that your cum holds 1.5 TB of data per ejaculation?

Me: That's how I DDoS your mum bruh.

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Internet speed world record broken in Japan with 319Tb/s data transer speed

But still the contents will be blurry

If you think that your microwave is collecting data and the Tv is spying on you is bad enough...

The vacuum have been gathering dirt on your for years...

Why did Lt. Commander Data get arrested?

Because he was being charged with a battery.

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Sex in high school is like big data

Everybody talks about it but nobody knows what it is

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What do data and baby shit have in common?

They are both removed with a wipe!

What does a baby computer call his father?

Data!!! Daataa!!!

What do a zoo owner and a Python data analyst have in common?

They both import pandas.

I found a book today that's all about selling your personal data for nefarious use

Facebook

What do you call a drive full of sorted data?

Information in formation

Why do you always call your first data point y₀?

Why not?

What's the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your devices and gathers your personal data, and the other is an industry standard.

Breaking news

Italy is planning to launch 2 new communications satellites in the next year.

They're named Data-1 and Dissa-1.

The Devil sat at the gates of hell... (Story Joke)

An old man suddenly arrived in a burst of flames, looking confused and lost. The Devil looked at his paperwork, and frowned. He was unable to find this old man’s data file.

“This can’t be right,” the old man grumbled, looking at the Devil, “I’ve been a good man my whole life.”

The Dev...

Uninvited Guest

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how ...

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One ejaculation has about 15,875GB of data

That’s a lot of information to swallow

My stats professor told me that the larger the sample size the more trustworthy the data.

I guess the N's justify the means.

Moses was very modern

He was the first to get a tablet with a data from the cloud

The misuse of users' Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress.

He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.

Do you know why they called it TikTok?

Cos in just a matter of seconds it steals all your data!

What did the JFK robot say when his data was corrupted?

"ERR-AH ERR-AH ERR-AH"

What did my Data say when he was drowning?

I’m syncing!

The most embarrassing thing that can happen to a data scientist...

Is premature extrapolation.

There are 2 types of people on this planet

Those who can extrapolate omitted data using existing data.

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A love story

A Love Story


Micro was a real time user and a dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time sharing.

One evening Micro arrived home just as the sun was crashing. He had parked his Motorola ...

Data: Captain

We have the 20th century machine that puts clothes together now working. Would you like to see a demonstration.

Capt: Make it sew.

What's a pirate's favorite device to store data on ?

CD-RUM

NASA Scientists were eagerly waiting for the rover to send back the first sounds from Mars.

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people were huddled around a lab station for hou...

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The only app I want stealing my personal data is Pornhub.

Their 'recommended for you' section is always lit!

Does anyone know why tik tok data is getting stolen?

I thought they would be looking for intelligence.....

Statistically speaking, the data I have collected indicates my dad jokes are quite funny...

I guess you can call it dada science...

A poultry farmer was distressed because his chickens stopped laying eggs.







He didn’t know what to do about it, but one of his friends, a physicist, offered to help. The physicist came out to the farm, took a bunch of measurements, and went back home to analyze the data. The physicist called the farmer on the phone and said: “Okay, I have a solution ...

Trying to create a decent graph of my data but some mystery guy keeps adding more samples to it.

The plot thickens.

Google didn't fail to inform about Google+ data breach.

They posted it on Google+ but no one saw it.

I hate it when people use the average of several data points to represent their data.

It’s just mean.

Mark Zuckerberg is really upset that Facebook is about to be fined $5 billion by the FTC for misusing users’ personal data.

Please respect his privacy at this challenging time.

A monk walks into a data center

And says to the owner, "Great things will come to you if you allow me to store my R.E.A.P device here."
The owner, confused, asks what a R.E.A.P device is. The monk smiles and writes a little note to the man that states: "It doesn't matter what it is but you will get great karma for R.E.A.P Hosti...

Why do conservative data analysts hate vertically joining datasets?

Because they're anti-union

In light of the customers' data breach Capital One unveiled a new slogan today:

Who's in your wallet?

Why doesn't Spiderman have a data plan for his phone?

Because he's always connected to the web

What is the difference between a bee from the UK and a bee from the US?

A UK bee carries pollen, the latter carries data.

Why couldn’t the restaurant owners open a new data center

They didn’t have enough servers

I named my data endpoint protection AI "Johnny".

He's my Johnny D.E.P.P.

What did the data say to the CPU?

Cache me outside

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A Covid-19 study produced some startling results.

Data was conducted from a
[email protected] online survey in Italy
from April 7 to May 4, 2020. In it
were 6,821 participants 18 or older
(4177 women, 2,644 men), and
results from it show that erectile
dysfunction was significantly higher
among men than among women.

Tech company mission statements be like

We're a customer centric organization and we deliver the value of IOT, cloud, big data, blockchain, machine learning, and artificial intelligence by using design thinking to drive digital transformation for the connected enterprise.

NSA's pick up lines:

"Did you fall from heaven? Because there's no tracking data on how you arrived at this location" "I'd tap that" "I know exactly where you have been all my life"

Why does Data the android cost Starfleet so much money?

Because Data is enterprise hardware.

Turns out google is selling your personal data

Bing if true.

Which food collects your personal data?

A Zuckerburger.

COVID Vaccine Efficacy

Researchers from the Universidad Autónoma de Guadalajara in Mexico discovered that a single dose of the corona virus vaccine was capable of alleviating life-threatening and reducing transmission rates by 87%.

An audio excerpt from the conversations of the two researchers, C. Guillermo and H. ...

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If a sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA info and one ejaculation equals 15,875 GB of data, then why aren't we using sperm based hard drives?

Because once the data is released the hard drives revert to floppy dicks.

If I had a pound for every email I got about data protection...

Well that's private

How do data march?

In formation.

Statistical inference joke - why are two medians in a single data set funny?

Because it's a co-median ^_^

Dave Mustaine Pitches a New Product to His Boss

After his presentation, his boss has a few words to say. "So you want to sell anti-war propaganda? I just don't see how that could be successful. You didn't even include a market analysis in your powerpoint. How am I supposed to get funding for this without any data? Where are you going to sell this...

What do a strip club and a Reddit data center have in common?

Both are full of big racks and lonely guys.

Data gathered from over 10,000 prisoners worldwide suggests that the most common side effect is...

...cell-ulite.

Find out if Cambridge Analytica has access to your data...

But first, fill out this personality & psychological profile quiz to find out...

I'm really worried about my privacy being compromised and my personal data being shared by third parties.

"Alexa, what steps can I take to protect my privacy?"

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The average sperm cell contains 37.5 MB of data

That means the average ejaculation contains 1587.5 TB of data.

It's a lot of information to spit out before getting a divorce, leaving with the kids and house, and leaving you with nothing but a dingy car and your clothes to live the rest of your sad, lonely life.

Everyone's so surprised about Facebook stealing their data. But not me...

...I saw the writing on the wall.

I was visiting my hometown and I drove past the data recovery center I used to work at.

It really brought back a lot of memories.

What do you call an Asian woman who lives next to a data centre?

Ping Lo.

An unethical young scientist finds a frog on the side of the road



He takes it in for studying and sets it on his desk. The scientist prods the frog and tells it to jump. The frog leaps an astonishing 3 feet 8 inches into the air.

The scientist takes one leg off the frog, and then pokes it again, yelling "Jump". The Frog needs no further telling and ...

Science/Engineering joke from my lab today

So today I was in fluids lab and our lab was about surface tension. As part of that, we were supposed to estimate the angle of a meniscus of water in a tube, so one guy was doing the angle estimation, I was measuring something else and the other guy was recording data. Anyway, I asked the guy who wa...

A friend of mine accidentally deleted my game data and told me to calm down

...So after a nice cup of tea, i hid his body

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