My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary

What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous

I bought a dictionary and when I got home I realized all the pages were blank...

I have no words for how angry I am.

How do you buy the front page of the internet?

Using your reddit card

Preferated pages are terrible

Tearable*

I was having a really rough day today because someone stole the front and back pages from my dictionary.

It just goes from bad to worse.

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How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

I’m tearing out pages of the dictionary.

I’m up to Mischief.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I set up an internet page for Chinese Nazis.

So far it's got 3 Reichs on Facebook.

If you dont see a repost on the front page of r/jokes

It means it's your turn

I finished a big book the other day. 421 pages.

That's a lot of coloring when you think about it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I have a 10 page paper to write...

I'm the joke. I've been procrastinating since 2AM.

Edit: Thanks guys! I'm almost done, I'm on the conclusion currently. Will hand it in for my 8AM class.

Edit 2: Done!

If I ripped out the first 100 pages of my dictionary, will I then be able to look up well, but and actually?

Well yes, but, actually no

I found a discount code hidden in the pages of my economics textbook

Now that’s a marginal benefit

I was so bored that I memorized six pages of a dictionary.

I learned next to nothing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife says that she will have butt sex if this hits the front page by the morning.

Please don't upvote she is on a business trip until tuesday.

How do you know a joke isn’t a repost?

When it doesn’t reach the front page.

April and June were dating...

The couple had been together many years, and, as far as one could tell from the outside were very happy together. But June had always felt as though there was something between them, something holding them back- something that April was keeping a secret.

As time went by, June got the impressi...

I’m pleased to announce reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world.

The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content.

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Bud and the Politician

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy,...

How many quantitative psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

1, p <= .05.

How many qualitative psychologists does it take?

_disguy. (2020). *Construction and Deconstruction Methods for Lightbulb Assembly* (Doctoral Dissertation). Reddit University,
San Francisco.

Thomas Alva Edison (February 11, 1847 – October 18, 1931) was an A...

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A married couple were lying in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book.

As he was reading, he would pause and reached over to his wife and fondle her pussy. He would do this only for a very short while. Then he would stop, and resume reading his book. A few minutes later, he would repeat the action.

The wife gradually became aroused with this. Thinking that her h...

While scrolling through the front page of Reddit, I came across the most annoying thread ever.

It was coming out of my favourite sweater that I was wearing.

So I went to the front page to look for the top story.

Turns out I reddit already.

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Having too much sex causes memory loss

Or at least that what page 17 figure II part B of my middle school science textbook said.

One Sunday, in a church...

...the preacher said out loud: "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And the congregation shouted,"Amen!"

"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river."

And the congregation shouted,"Amen!"

"And if...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pretty meta bro

Cake day posts are annoying and uncreative, so many people make anti cake day posts. These can be just as bad, and are only rarely funny if they are posted on the poster's cake day, (aka: anti cake day cake day posts). This possess a bit of a conundrum, as here in Reddit, we make fun of things, but ...

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A special talking koala was making his way from Australia to New York.

He wandered down a back alley one day and saw a sexy lady in heels and a short skirt smoking a cigarette.

She was shocked when he asked her for one of her cigarettes. "Omg you can talk?"

After talking she invited him inside and before she knew it he was up her skirt and performed cunni...

A man walks through the Central Park in New York City

Suddenly he sees a dog attacking a small girl. He runs towards them, starts a fight with the dog and finally kills it. So he saves the life of the girl.

A policeman was watching them, walks to the man and says:

You are a hero! Tomorrow in the new York Times the first headline will be: ...

The front page is filled with memes in reference to that guy being dragged off of a plane. I can't remember the last time the entire reddit user base was so...

... United.

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Did you hear about the guy with awful internet trying to bring up a porn page?

He couldn't get it up!

A man walks into a bookshop

He walks around and sees a particular notebook behind a counter that’s locked in a glass box

He asks the cashier what book that is and the cashier says he does not know and needs to get confirmation from the manager. The man asks him to do so.

Moments later, a tall, slender man with pa...

How would the Church of England deal with the statement that "the cat sat on the mat" if it appeared in the Bible?

The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of course mean that the cat literally sat on the mat. Also, cat and mat had different meanings in those days from today, and anyway, the text should be interpreted according to the customs and practices of the period.

This ...

What do you call an internet page dedicated to anime?

A weebsite.

Jesus and Satan were arguing over whom should be able to walk the Earth...

God stepped in and told both of them to draft a detailed, 7 page, 10 font, MLA format, report as to why they deserve it. He gave them 1 day to complete the report.

As they both were furiously typing and conducting web searches, and citing away, the final hour was upon them. All of the sudd...

The Biker and the Lion

A Harley Biker is sitting on his Harley, drinking a beer, by the Zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
<...

For the first time in my life, I bought a lotto ticket, hoping for a Jackpot win of $70M.

In moments like this, I was taught to pray to St. Jude, and make a promise to donate some money to St. Jude's Children's Hospital.

I prayed as hard as I could, and I promised to donate $1,000,000 if I win the jackpot.

The next day I read the news. On the front page, it showed my neighb...

I heard Reddit likes puns so I posted ten of them thinking at least one would reach the first page

No pun in ten did

After a long day’s work, I came home and saw my kid ripping off the front and back pages of my dictionary.

Things just went from Bad to Worse.

Why did the author include a page with a computer generated grid in his book?

Because he auto graphed it.

Richard, a good friend of mine, insisted that it's now impossible to get a "repost" to the front page of /r/jokes...

"Every joke ever written has been posted to Reddit and there is nothing left to joke about." Said Richard and he even suggesting many of you would agree.

"Put your money down on the table, I bet I can get a "repost" to the front page!" I replied with a sense of regret as I soon as I said tho...

What did the Muslim guy say when his joke made the front page?

EDIT: This blew up.

Source: Am Muslim guy.

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My mate said he can tighten up nuts and bolts with his butt.

Personally I think he torques out of his arse

Edit: Silver, Gold, Platinum, and got to the front page.

Thankyou everyone!

"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"

No sun.

I set my Alzheimer's-patient grandmother's home page to r/jokes

She loves reading the fresh new jokes every day!

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I haven't had sex in a while.

Starting to think I should setup a gofuckme page.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Guy walks into the Doctors Office and says....

"DDDDDoc, I've beeeeen stutttttttering for yeeears, and IIII'm tired of it. Cccccan yyyou helllp me?"

The doc says, "Well, I'll have to examine you to see what's going on." So he examines him, and says, "Well I think I know what the problem is.

The guy says, "Weeell wwwhat is it, dddoc...

I broke up with my European girlfriend because we weren’t on the same page.

I’m 8 1/2 x 11. She’s A4.

It just didn’t feel right. We didn’t fit together.

Pages have been ripped out of the dictionary at the public library

Authorities are at a loss for words

A few famous scientists are playing a game of hide-and-seek

Einstein starts looking for everyone. Most of them hide, except Newton, who pulls out a piece of paper exactly 1m x 1m in size and places it on the ground next to him.

When Einstein finds him, he shouts: I've found you, Isaac! You've lost!"

The other physicist replies: "Nope. You must ...

Do you know what's on pages 5 and 6 of an Opel manual?

Bus and train schedules.

So the other day I made a free website for an orphanage....

It didn't have a home page

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What's the difference between having sex and making it to the front page?

I have a chance at making it to the front page

I've submitted ten puns today trying to make the front page

no pun in ten did...

It’s not everyday that you see the same post at least twice on Reddit’s front page.

Some days, you’re just too busy to get on Reddit.

I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast.

Since she can't even beat an egg

Edit:
Whoa, front page, im ashamed. Thank you kind stranger for the silver oh, you made my day!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

8621. If this makes it to the front page, odds are it’s someone’s ATM PIN.

Crap.

A 300 page novel with a 50 page introductory essay written by the author walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Why the long preface?"

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Having too much sex can cause memory loss

I read it on page 37 in a medical journal

In november 2006 at 4:19 pm

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup...

I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."



Edit: Wow. Front page and reddit gold. Thanks everybody. :)



Edit 2: Wow. Reddit silver and more reddit gold. Thanks guys. :)

The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant

Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop

Edit: thanks for silver gold and front page, it means alot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Must have been the Irish orchestra.

For Bruce Shackett

A prominent orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. At one point in the final movement of the symphony, there is a long stretch--over 20 minutes--where the bass violins don't play a note. So, rather than just sit there, the section leader suggested that they sn...

A panda walks into a cáfe.

He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and unloads it into the ceiling.

“Why?” Asks the confused waiter, as the panda starts leaving. He tosses a wildlife manual over his shoulder.

“I’m a panda,” he says at the door, “look it up.”

The waiter flips to the page about pa...

My stoner friend rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook.

He is high on my list of priorities.

Two submarines are trying to win a competition

Each one of them has to try and hit objects that are smaller and smaller in size.

Every day they choose an object in the ocean, and declare that the objective before trying to hit it:

*"Today we'll hit that sunken ship"* and off they go.

Then it's the other team's turn: ...

On first date :

She: What do you prefer cats or dogs?


Me: I don't see them anywhere in menu, which page are you on?

if you're a student with political ambitions, think carefully about what you put on your yearbook page

I don't mean to keep it clean; I mean think carefully about how you can troll a bunch of Congressmen who will be trying to decode it in 2048.

I like my plastic containers like I like my jokes on this page

Recycled.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The New York Philharmonic was conducting a rendition of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony

If you are not familiar with Beethoven's 9th Symphony it's a tremendous piece of work, but the bass line is atrocious. Not because it is complicated, but because it goes like this:

**"bbbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"**



And then approximately an hour an a half later it goes li...

Steve Harvey follows in George Foreman's footsteps and starts a kitchen appliances brand

His first item: the Stove Harvey.

^^Sorry ^^its ^^5AM ^^and ^^I've ^^been ^^awake ^^since ^^2AM ^^writing ^^a ^^10 ^^page ^^essay ^^and ^^am ^^trying ^^to ^^procrastinate. ^^I'm ^^sleep ^^deprived ^^and ^^this ^^is ^^funny. ^^I'll ^^let ^^myself ^^out...

What did Matthew McConaughey say to me when he found out I made a joke that didn't make the front page?

"It'd be a lot cooler if you did."

I have a Yelp Page

My restaurant, Grand Theft Auto, is doing well, but I can’t seem to get 5 stars

The Legend of Curtis

So imagine a dude named Curtis. Curtis had a marker, and a billion sheets of paper. On each of the sheets, he drew the letter E as big as he can fit it into the page. When he finished, he scattered each and every one of those pages all over Earth. They’re pretty much everywhere, there may even be on...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just join reddit and suddenly discover that my name is on the front page!

Final Final Edit: Titty sprinkles

A captain of a ship was retiring after 40 years in the business.

He had some good voyages, and some bad, but it was finally time to sail one last time. Before each trip, the captain would open a small leather book, read a certain page, close the book and board the ship for the voyage. Only he knew what the leather book said. Not even his first mate knew what the ...

Teacher: "All right class, open up to page 26."

Me: *flips to page 26* "I don't even know... I just feel like my mom will never be proud of me."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

90% of the Front Page should be tagged as "NSFW"

I mean, with all these assholes showing up...

Me and my dad read a book to understand each other better.

but we were never on the same page

I was at an Italian restaurant last Friday...

Me: "I'll just have the Paggione".
Waitress: "That says 'page one', sir."

What do you call the Redditor whose Jedi mind trick tricked you into upvoting their joke to the front page?

OP Wan Kenobi

Pizza Google

A man calls Pizza Hut:

--Hello, Pizza Hut?

--No, sir. Pizza Google

--Oh, sorry. Wrong number..

--No sir, it's the correct number, it's just that Google bought Pizza Hut

--Oh... okay, so... take my order, please

--Same as always?

--And how do you know ...

In spite of all our political and religious disagreements here on Reddit, I’m happy about one thing.

Most people reading this are on the same page.

A redditor really wants to make the front page

It's always been his dream, and he wants to get a lot of karma.

So he starts praying to God. He says, "Please God, I really want to make the front page. Help me make my dream a reality."

Weeks go by and it still hasn't happened. So he tries again,

"God please, I just want to mak...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the terrorist say when his video reached the front page?

Holy shit this blew up!

Does anyone know in which page of the Bible explains how...

...to transform water into wine?

Asking for a friend.

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