What do you call a Rick Astley song that makes it to the front page?

A rick r/all

I was so bored that I memorized six pages of a dictionary.

I learned next to nothing.

My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

I finally bought the limited edition thesaurus that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

I submitted ten puns to r/Jokes, hoping one would make it to the front page.

But no pun in ten did

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary

What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous

When I read a comic book I tear the last page off

I like to draw my own conclusions

After I ran out of toilet paper, a friend suggested using pages from an old book

That worked OK I guess, but now I'm looking for suggestions to clean a Kindle.

Preferated pages are terrible

Tearable*

How do you buy the front page of the internet?

Using your reddit card

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How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

Who are the fastest readers?

Apple users, they can read 30 pages of terms and conditions in just one second.

I’m tearing out pages of the dictionary.

I’m up to Mischief.

If I ripped out the first 100 pages of my dictionary, will I then be able to look up well, but and actually?

Well yes, but, actually no

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I set up an internet page for Chinese Nazis.

So far it's got 3 Reichs on Facebook.

I was having a really rough day today because someone stole the front and back pages from my dictionary.

It just goes from bad to worse.

The low brass section decides to grab drinks during a performance of Beethoven's 9th symphony

The tubas and trombones only play during the end of Beethoven's 9th symphony. During the first several movements they have a famously long period of rest.

One performance, the low brass decide to sneak out to a local bar and grab a few drinks during the beginning of the piece. They quietly du...

If you dont see a repost on the front page of r/jokes

It means it's your turn

Once a panda walked into a restaurant...

...and ordered a hamburger and some fries. The waiter was surprised to see a panda in the bar but served him thinking it to be an intelligent animal as it ordered it's own food.

The panda finished its food and as it saw the waiter approaching it with the bill, it got up and shot him with a pi...

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Jack is a cowboy working on a large ranch in a remote pasture in Wyoming.

One day as he’s overseeing the livestock on the ranch a brand-new 7 Series BMW suddenly advances towards him creating an enormous cloud of dust in the process

The car stops and the driver is a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and YSL tie. He steps out of the car and...

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The Excuse

This past fall semester, at Duke University, there were two sophomores who were taking Organic Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes, midterms, labs, etc. Going into the final exam, they had solid "A's."

These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weeke...

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God woke up with a hangover.

He held His temples as one of His angels knocked gently on the door. He grumbled them inward.

"Sorry to disturb You, Sir," the angel said hesitantly. "But I wanted to congratulate you on yesterday's creations. For the most part, they were spectacular!"

"Wha...?" God mumbled. The angel ...

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So I have a 10 page paper to write...

I'm the joke. I've been procrastinating since 2AM.

Edit: Thanks guys! I'm almost done, I'm on the conclusion currently. Will hand it in for my 8AM class.

Edit 2: Done!

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My wife says that she will have butt sex if this hits the front page by the morning.

Please don't upvote she is on a business trip until tuesday.

I finished a big book the other day. 421 pages.

That's a lot of coloring when you think about it.

I bought a book about the dangers of deforestation.

The first page says, “You’re not helping!”

The front page is filled with memes in reference to that guy being dragged off of a plane. I can't remember the last time the entire reddit user base was so...

... United.

A Priest encounters a nun while going to the monastery with his car

He encounters a nun in the side of the road. The priest stops the car and offers to drive the nun to her destination, the nun accepts.

The nun gets in the car. She crosses her legs making her pretty legs to come in sight

While the priest is looking at her legs he nearly crashes. After ...

Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery:

Oops!

Has anyone seen my watch?

That was some party last night. I can’t remember when I’ve been that drunk.

Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

Well, this book doesn’t say that… What edition is your manual?

Ok, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly ...

Where does an angry goat write down its problems?

On the ram-page

Two mountaineers pass a crevasse during a mountain tour

One climber says to the other: "My travel guide fell into this crevasse last year."
The other mountaineer says: "And didn't that really take you away?"
The mountaineer replies: "No, he was already very old anyway, and besides, some pages were missing!"

Where do you hide a dead body?

On the second page of Google Search.

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Know your homonyms

As teacher was correcting essays written by her students she read, "Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset."

She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground. A burro is an ass. At your age it's time to lea...

I found a discount code hidden in the pages of my economics textbook

Now that’s a marginal benefit

My life is like a choose your own adventure book

its just that every option is a bad one and the pages aren't numbered

What's made up of 100% recyclable material?

Front page of Reddit

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Having too much sex can cause memory loss

I read it in Men's Health Journal 2006 on page 73 paragraph 4 footnote 3.

I made website for the orphans

It doesn’t have a home page.

I’m pleased to announce reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world.

The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content.

How do you know a joke isn’t a repost?

When it doesn’t reach the front page.

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So... Dave the Panda walk into a chinese restaurant...

The dude at the door looks at the panda and asks "Table for one?"

The panda looks around, and noticing that he is alone, and thinking he's a comedian, he says "unless you're joining me, yes. Table for one please."

He gets seated and the waiter asks what he wants.

Dave the panda ...

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Did you hear about the guy with awful internet trying to bring up a porn page?

He couldn't get it up!

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A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof

So he looks up the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he"ll be there in 30 minutes.

The gorilla remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a huge, ferocious lookin...

So I went to the front page to look for the top story.

Turns out I reddit already.

What do you call an internet page dedicated to anime?

A weebsite.

I heard Reddit likes puns so I posted ten of them thinking at least one would reach the first page

No pun in ten did

The real reason all the libraries are closing is not to help stop the spread of infection.

Its becuase after all the toilet paper was gone, people all started to check out the books with 1000+ pages

What’s the oldest joke in the book?

The one on the first page.

A middle aged man was walking home one friday .

Instead of taking his company bus he decided to walk up the mountain road ,see the beautiful sunset and take a train on the other side. His time calculation went wrong and it became dark ,he was still on the inclined mountain road .While walking hurriedly he noticed shadow of a man standing near a d...

April and June were dating...

The couple had been together many years, and, as far as one could tell from the outside were very happy together. But June had always felt as though there was something between them, something holding them back- something that April was keeping a secret.

As time went by, June got the impressi...

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A panda walks into a bar,

and orders a burger. The bartender is intrigued by the panda but does not want to pester his customer with questions. Everyone in the bar is startled, however, when the panda finishes his meal, pulls out a gun and fires straight through the ceiling of the building. He then puts the gun away and inst...

New doctor is being mentored by old doctor...

...as they make rounds visiting patients, new doctor reads the chart of one of the patients and turns really sad.

Old doc: "what's the matter?"

New doc: "Well, this young patient is about to have his leg amputated and I have no idea how to break these terrible news to him."

Old...

Two spies got caught using a book code to communicate

Clearly they weren't on the same page.

Richard, a good friend of mine, insisted that it's now impossible to get a "repost" to the front page of /r/jokes...

"Every joke ever written has been posted to Reddit and there is nothing left to joke about." Said Richard and he even suggesting many of you would agree.

"Put your money down on the table, I bet I can get a "repost" to the front page!" I replied with a sense of regret as I soon as I said tho...

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Having too much sex causes memory loss

Or at least that what page 17 figure II part B of my middle school science textbook said.

Stock check for Charlie!

It's that time of the month for a young lady, so she goes into a drug store looking for pack of her usual brand. She sees that particular shelf is empty, so asks the older woman at the checkout if they have any large Tampax in stock.

The woman replies that they should have inventory back ...

What did the Muslim guy say when his joke made the front page?

EDIT: This blew up.

Source: Am Muslim guy.

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My mate said he can tighten up nuts and bolts with his butt.

Personally I think he torques out of his arse

Edit: Silver, Gold, Platinum, and got to the front page.

Thankyou everyone!

How many quantitative psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

1, p <= .05.

How many qualitative psychologists does it take?

_disguy. (2020). *Construction and Deconstruction Methods for Lightbulb Assembly* (Doctoral Dissertation). Reddit University,
San Francisco.

Thomas Alva Edison (February 11, 1847 – October 18, 1931) was an A...

After a long day’s work, I came home and saw my kid ripping off the front and back pages of my dictionary.

Things just went from Bad to Worse.

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A Jewish boy loved reading books

After he read each book in his house he started going to the local library. He went there every day until he has read every book.
One day he visited a nearby book store and asked the owner if they had any books he hadn't read before.
The old owner picked up a book named "Death" from underneath...

I set my Alzheimer's-patient grandmother's home page to r/jokes

She loves reading the fresh new jokes every day!

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A married couple were lying in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book.

As he was reading, he would pause and reached over to his wife and fondle her pussy. He would do this only for a very short while. Then he would stop, and resume reading his book. A few minutes later, he would repeat the action.

The wife gradually became aroused with this. Thinking that her h...

One Sunday, in a church...

...the preacher said out loud: "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And the congregation shouted,"Amen!"

"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river."

And the congregation shouted,"Amen!"

"And if...

Golf Joke or Not

Moses, Jesus, and a bearded old man are playing golf. Moses drives a long one, which lands on the fairway but rolls directly toward the pond. Moses raises his club, parts the water, and the ball rolls safely to the other side.
Jesus also hits a long one toward the same pond, but just as it’s abou...

I broke up with my European girlfriend because we weren’t on the same page.

I’m 8 1/2 x 11. She’s A4.

It just didn’t feel right. We didn’t fit together.

I tried searching for lost medieval servant boy,

but all I got was 'page not found'.

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Pretty meta bro

Cake day posts are annoying and uncreative, so many people make anti cake day posts. These can be just as bad, and are only rarely funny if they are posted on the poster's cake day, (aka: anti cake day cake day posts). This possess a bit of a conundrum, as here in Reddit, we make fun of things, but ...

Pages have been ripped out of the dictionary at the public library

Authorities are at a loss for words

The Coronavirus has shut down theater

Due to social distancing, the Shakespearean Theater Company had to cancel all of their live shows. Before self-quarantining, they decided to do one last performance of Romeo and Juliet and livestream their production over the internet. In order to reach a wide audience, they advertised there show o...

"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"

No sun.

Do you know what's on pages 5 and 6 of an Opel manual?

Bus and train schedules.

A man walks through the Central Park in New York City

Suddenly he sees a dog attacking a small girl. He runs towards them, starts a fight with the dog and finally kills it. So he saves the life of the girl.

A policeman was watching them, walks to the man and says:

You are a hero! Tomorrow in the new York Times the first headline will be: ...

How would the Church of England deal with the statement that "the cat sat on the mat" if it appeared in the Bible?

The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of course mean that the cat literally sat on the mat. Also, cat and mat had different meanings in those days from today, and anyway, the text should be interpreted according to the customs and practices of the period.

This ...

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A special talking koala was making his way from Australia to New York.

He wandered down a back alley one day and saw a sexy lady in heels and a short skirt smoking a cigarette.

She was shocked when he asked her for one of her cigarettes. "Omg you can talk?"

After talking she invited him inside and before she knew it he was up her skirt and performed cunni...

Jesus and Satan were arguing over whom should be able to walk the Earth...

God stepped in and told both of them to draft a detailed, 7 page, 10 font, MLA format, report as to why they deserve it. He gave them 1 day to complete the report.

As they both were furiously typing and conducting web searches, and citing away, the final hour was upon them. All of the sudd...

A group of mathematicians are at a team building seminar...

When during the night a fire breaks out in one of the mathematicians room's. He quickly tears pages out of his notebook lighting them on fire one by one. He then runs down the hall sliding sheets of burning paper under other mathematician's doors.

After the building burns to the ground the fi...

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What's the difference between having sex and making it to the front page?

I have a chance at making it to the front page

A man walks into a bookshop

He walks around and sees a particular notebook behind a counter that’s locked in a glass box

He asks the cashier what book that is and the cashier says he does not know and needs to get confirmation from the manager. The man asks him to do so.

Moments later, a tall, slender man with pa...

For the first time in my life, I bought a lotto ticket, hoping for a Jackpot win of $70M.

In moments like this, I was taught to pray to St. Jude, and make a promise to donate some money to St. Jude's Children's Hospital.

I prayed as hard as I could, and I promised to donate $1,000,000 if I win the jackpot.

The next day I read the news. On the front page, it showed my neighb...

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8621. If this makes it to the front page, odds are it’s someone’s ATM PIN.

Crap.

It’s not everyday that you see the same post at least twice on Reddit’s front page.

Some days, you’re just too busy to get on Reddit.

I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast.

Since she can't even beat an egg

Edit:
Whoa, front page, im ashamed. Thank you kind stranger for the silver oh, you made my day!

The Biker and the Lion

A Harley Biker is sitting on his Harley, drinking a beer, by the Zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
<...

My stoner friend rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook.

He is high on my list of priorities.

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The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup...

I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."



Edit: Wow. Front page and reddit gold. Thanks everybody. :)



Edit 2: Wow. Reddit silver and more reddit gold. Thanks guys. :)

A 300 page novel with a 50 page introductory essay written by the author walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Why the long preface?"

The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant

Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop

Edit: thanks for silver gold and front page, it means alot

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I just join reddit and suddenly discover that my name is on the front page!

Final Final Edit: Titty sprinkles

I like my plastic containers like I like my jokes on this page

Recycled.

if you're a student with political ambitions, think carefully about what you put on your yearbook page

I don't mean to keep it clean; I mean think carefully about how you can troll a bunch of Congressmen who will be trying to decode it in 2048.

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I haven't had sex in a while.

Starting to think I should setup a gofuckme page.

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