If I ripped out the first 100 pages of my dictionary, will I then be able to look up well, but and actually?

Well yes, but, actually no

While scrolling through the front page of Reddit, I came across the most annoying thread ever.

It was coming out of my favourite sweater that I was wearing.

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My wife says that she will have butt sex if this hits the front page by the morning.

Please don't upvote she is on a business trip until tuesday.

I was so bored that I memorized six pages of a dictionary.

I learned next to nothing.

Reddit has gone fully green to help the environment.

Their front page is made of 100% recycled material.

I bought a Thesaurus, and when I got home I found that all of the pages were blank!

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

What do you call an internet page dedicated to anime?

A weebsite.

I set my Alzheimer's-patient grandmother's home page to r/jokes

She loves reading the fresh new jokes every day!

I inherited a bunch of comic books from my brother, but all of them had the last page missing.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

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Did you hear about the guy with awful internet trying to bring up a porn page?

He couldn't get it up!

What did the Muslim guy say when his joke made the front page?

EDIT: This blew up.

Source: Am Muslim guy.

Did you know Reddit is very environmentally friendly?

More than half the content on the front page is recycled.

Richard, a good friend of mine, insisted that it's now impossible to get a "repost" to the front page of /r/jokes...

"Every joke ever written has been posted to Reddit and there is nothing left to joke about." Said Richard and he even suggesting many of you would agree.

"Put your money down on the table, I bet I can get a "repost" to the front page!" I replied with a sense of regret as I soon as I said tho...

The front page is filled with memes in reference to that guy being dragged off of a plane. I can't remember the last time the entire reddit user base was so...

... United.

Pages have been ripped out of the dictionary at the public library

Authorities are at a loss for words

I broke up with my European girlfriend because we weren’t on the same page.

I’m 8 1/2 x 11. She’s A4.

It just didn’t feel right. We didn’t fit together.

After a long day’s work, I came home and saw my kid ripping off the front and back pages of my dictionary.

Things just went from Bad to Worse.

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"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014 at 10:37 am.

I heard Reddit likes puns so I posted ten of them thinking at least one would reach the first page

No pun in ten did

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What's the difference between having sex and making it to the front page?

I have a chance at making it to the front page

Do you know what's on pages 5 and 6 of an Opel manual?

Bus and train schedules.

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I set up a page for Chinese Nazis

It's got its Third Reich on Facebook

A 300 page novel with a 50 page introductory essay written by the author walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Why the long preface?"

Where’s the best place to hide a body?

Page 2 of Google Search results.

I've submitted ten puns today trying to make the front page

no pun in ten did...

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The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup...

I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."



Edit: Wow. Front page and reddit gold. Thanks everybody. :)



Edit 2: Wow. Reddit silver and more reddit gold. Thanks guys. :)

The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant

Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop

Edit: thanks for silver gold and front page, it means alot

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The rare talking koala bear was lost in transit..

From Austrailia to the New York zoo. He wandered down a back alley and saw a sexy lady in heels and a short skirt smoking a cigarette.

She was shocked when he asked her for one of her cigarettes. "Omg you can talk?"

After talking she invited him inside and before she knew it he was u...

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A friend told me this, and he might have got it from reddit so this might be a repost but here it goes [Long]

3 best friends decide to travel to an lonely little island somewhere near the Bahamas in the hopes of having a relaxing camping trip, for old time’s sake.

They arrive by water plane, and the pilot informs them that he’ll be returning to pick them up the next day. The men, happy to finally be ...

When Gottfried Leibniz passed away, he was buried in his hometown

Some time after his death, the local townspeople found him sitting upright in his grave, furiously rubbing out page after page of calculus.
At first they were alarmed by the sight, but then they realised... he was only disintegrating.

Just found the absolute worst page in the dictionary

What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.

I made a website for orphans

But it doesn't have a Home page

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8621. If this makes it to the front page, odds are it’s someone’s ATM PIN.

Crap.

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Doctors of reddit - who is that one patient you really wish you'd seen again?

It was actually during my junior year. A man, about 50, came in with walking difficulties - you could tell he was really struggling when he arrived at the surgery and even looked uncomfortable when he sat down. I was expecting a leg, hip or even back complaint but once the door was shut he admitted ...

if you're a student with political ambitions, think carefully about what you put on your yearbook page

I don't mean to keep it clean; I mean think carefully about how you can troll a bunch of Congressmen who will be trying to decode it in 2048.

Why did the two book lovers break up?

They weren't quite on the same page.

My stoner friend rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook.

He is high on my list of priorities.

I have a Yelp Page

My restaurant, Grand Theft Auto, is doing well, but I can’t seem to get 5 stars

I like my plastic containers like I like my jokes on this page

Recycled.

One Sunday after church,

Father Tom was approached by Dave, who had been a regular churchgoer for years, but had recently been missing service. Father Tom asked him if everything was okay, as he had missed several services over the last few months. Dave told Father Tom "I've been working non-stop trying to save my business....

Teacher: "All right class, open up to page 26."

Me: *flips to page 26* "I don't even know... I just feel like my mom will never be proud of me."

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A farmer is tired of milking his cows,

So one day, when he sees an advertisement for an automatic cow milker, he immediately orders it.

Two weeks later, when his wife is out buying groceries, the package arrives. The farmer, feeling very horny, opens it up, immediately sticks his dick into it, and turns it on.

The orgasm he...

What did Matthew McConaughey say to me when he found out I made a joke that didn't make the front page?

"It'd be a lot cooler if you did."

Country Club Raffle

Every evening an older gentlemen would venture down to the local country club. This club had a large room in which there were several comfortable chairs, as well as a billiards table. The gentleman would enter the club, buy a cheap drink, sit in the same chair and read from his newspaper.

The...

Sorry i haven't been posting OC to reddit recently, my internet has been pretty bad and then i heard that refreshing the page might help

Apparently a pint of water wasn't the refreshment that my computer needed.

Suicide Jokes are never funny.

I swear to god I'm gonna shoot myself if I see another one hit the front page.

A user is new to Reddit.

His friend—who is a longtime user—agrees to show him around the site. They go to r/jokes, and the user simply posts “7.”

Immediately, people begin upvoting and commenting their approval. The new user is puzzled.

The Reddit veteran then posts “13,” much to the pleasure of the sub. The p...

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A man is leaving work late. He gets into his car and goes home.

On the way he reaches a long, straight stretch of road with no other cars, so he decides to speed up a bit.

As he passed a lay-by, a police car turns on its lights and sirens and motions to him to pull over.

The man does, and a police officer gets out and walks up to the man.

"D...

I made a website for Kamikaze pilots.

There's no landing page.

If you googled

Medieval servant boy lost, it comes back as: page not found.

A panicked mathematician rushes into his professors’s office...

The professor looks up in shock from his work to see one of his students slamming a high school geometry textbook on his desk.

“What’s wrong?!” exclaims the professor.

“They’ve updates the syllabus,” the mathematician replies.

The professor, still confused, watches the mathemat...

I'm glad to see Reddit is meeting its goals to become one of the greenest companies in the world.

Take the front page, it's over 90% recycled content!

Fed up with God's creations, Lucifer decides to lead an army to destroy humanity...

The war had been raging for many years, and humanity was slowly losing. Lucifer could raise a never ending stream of demons, and until he was contained, the fighting would never end.

In order to stop him, God gives the humans a ritual that would seal away Satan forever. The Pope was recruited...

Chicken in a Library

A young librarian is amazed during his first day at work to see a chicken stride into the library with an armful of books. The chicken walks up to him and deposits the book on the desk. Apart from a little pond weed on one of the pages, they were all fine and within the lending period, in fact, they...

Does anyone know in which page of the Bible explains how...

...to transform water into wine?

Asking for a friend.

A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.

His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.

The te...

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90% of the Front Page should be tagged as "NSFW"

I mean, with all these assholes showing up...

After years of research and exploration, an Archaeologist discovered an ancient book...

The book was said to answer any question asked of it. Being a professional, the archaeologist took the book back to his prestigious university, which was home to several leaders of certain fields. To research the book's power in a controlled manner, the archaeologist rounds up three of the universit...

A redditor really wants to make the front page

It's always been his dream, and he wants to get a lot of karma.

So he starts praying to God. He says, "Please God, I really want to make the front page. Help me make my dream a reality."

Weeks go by and it still hasn't happened. So he tries again,

"God please, I just want to mak...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree.

He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.

     "Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks.

     "Boy," is the man's response.

     "Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there", says the service guy. An hour later the service guy shows u...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just join reddit and suddenly discover that my name is on the front page!

Final Final Edit: Titty sprinkles

A married couple is lying in bed one night....

A married couple is lying in bed one night.


The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interv...

What do you call the Redditor whose Jedi mind trick tricked you into upvoting their joke to the front page?

OP Wan Kenobi

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the terrorist say when his video reached the front page?

Holy shit this blew up!

The flat earth society has its own Facebook page

With thousands of members from all around the globe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Czech joke for you. (I think it is at least, it was written on page categorised as that)

A Russian soldier unit is flying to Chechnya and the Captain motivates soldiers: "Men, for every Chechen head you will get a bottle of vodka." The plane lands, the door breaks down, the soldiers scatter. In a few minutes they return and everyone has brought a couple of heads. The captain is all pale...

The Front page of Reddit is being really depressing lately...

Then I realized I was actually on /r/worldnews

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