The 80+ Best Page Jokes

The front page is filled with memes in reference to that guy being dragged off of a plane. I can't remember the last time the entire reddit user base was so...

... United.

Every day in Moscow, people buy newspaper, glance at front page, throw straight in trash.

Every day, same. People buy newspaper, look front, throw in trash.

Newspaper seller ask one day, "Why you do that? Why you not read inside newspaper?"

Man respond, "I check obituary"

"But obituary not on front page. Is on back page"

"Putin obituary be on front page"

Word is Hollywood executives are mad about Elliot Page transitioning from a woman to a man...

Now they'll have to pay him 20% more...

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My Gf says I can get anal on my cake day if this post reaches front page

Please upvote because I want to rearrange the whole house furnitures to make them perfectly symmetric from every angle

I heard Reddit likes puns so I posted ten of them thinking at least one would reach the first page

No pun in ten did

My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

I just bought a thesaurus and when I got it home, all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

I just read through six pages in a dictionary.

I learnt next to nothing.

Just found the absolute worst page in the dictionary

What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.

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I just join reddit and suddenly discover that my name is on the front page!

Final Final Edit: Titty sprinkles

Me to HR: Your careers page says the company offers "competitive salary". What does that mean exactly?

HR: That means your salary will be competing with your bills.

Why do real estate agents put their picture on business cards, Facebook pages, web sites, billboards, bus stops, postcards, vehicle wraps, yard signs, and printed ads?

So you’ll know what they looked like 10 years ago.

Did you see the update to the sperm whale Wikipedia page?

[Cetacean needed]

My professor made me write a 30 page essay on differentiates an integer from a decimal...

I said that there's no point

The doctor flipped the pages, and sat down next to me.

“The results just came back and I’m afraid to tell you, but… you have 6 months.”

I got up and punched him right in his stupid mouth.

Now I have 4-5 years.

Do you think they would write a book about Ellen Page's transformation into Elliot?

They really should.

It would be a real Page-turner

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I started a Chinese-Nazi Facebook page

so far its got three reichs

While my wife was in labor, I read her the front page from /r/Jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn’t seem amused...

It must have been the delivery...

My OnlyFans page hasn't been very lucrative

I'm going to have to start a MostlyFans page to increase my clientele.

A lady of advanced age required the services of a page-boy ...

... and advertised: "Youth wanted."

One of her dearest friends sent her by the next post a bottle of Blank's celebrated wrinkle filler, a skin tightener, a pot of fairy bloom, a set of false teeth, and a flaxen wig.

Source: "Empress Express" Newspaper, June 20, 1913, Empress, A...

A r/Jokes front page post walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "Have I seen you before?"

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My wife says that she will have butt sex if this hits the front page by the morning.

Please don't upvote she is on a business trip until tuesday.

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I took a few pages from Moby Dick and boiled them to see what it tasted like.

It was just okay, but I might not do it again. It was a novel tea.

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I set up a Facebook page for Chinese nazis

It has 3 reichs

Last week I submitted a ten page in depth technical description of my groundbreaking invention to a prestigious journal... but it didn't get published.

They said I should just call a spade a spade.

What's the difference between a car's rear bumper and a Facebook page?

One is a terrible place to express complex political opinion, and the other protects the rear of a car by absorbing shock in the event of an accident.

Bad eye sight (Possibly a repost but I didn't want to keep scrolling past page 30276 to confirm)

Patient: “doctor i think my eye sight is deteriorating. I cant see very far”

Doctor: “really? come over to the window. Now what is that big round yellow thing in the sky?”

Patient: “well that's the sun”

Doctor: “yep! so how much further do you want to see”

A man was really struggling so he decides to open a Bible to random page and drop his finger on a verse and do whatever it says.

The verse his finger landed on was Matthew 27:5 “than Judas hanged himself”

The man thought “that’s not right, let me try again” and does the same thing, this time landing on Luke 10:37 “Jesus told him ‘go and do likewise’”

Again the man thought it wasn’t right and so he did it one l...

I just got a joke book whose entire gimmick is the fact that you can rip the pages out and hand it to people.

Its a book of tear-able puns.

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"Wow, this is interesting." I said to the wife, as I scanned the web page...

"It says here that although less than half a dozen giant squid have ever been seen alive, scientists believe there may be over five hundred million of them in our oceans."

"Why the fuck are you telling me this?" She snapped. "You're supposed to be looking up some cool tattoo designs for my ar...

What do you call an internet page dedicated to anime?

A weebsite.

I’m tearing out pages of the dictionary.

I’m up to Mischief.

Richard, a good friend of mine, insisted that it's now impossible to get a "repost" to the front page of /r/jokes...

"Every joke ever written has been posted to Reddit and there is nothing left to joke about." Said Richard and he even suggesting many of you would agree.

"Put your money down on the table, I bet I can get a "repost" to the front page!" I replied with a sense of regret as I soon as I said tho...

In honor of the other math joke I saw on the front page

A mountain climber is climbing a mountain from the bottom along it’s only path. A mosquito starts at the top and follows the path downwards. Where do the two meet?

Nowhere. You can’t cross a scalar and a vector.

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I came home one day to my wife ripping pages out of "Moby Dick" in the living room. "Why are you doing that?" I asked.

She replied, "Well, to make a long story short."

A man walked into a copy shop, and requested that they print a book for him with pages 30 feet long and 1 foot wide.

Printer: "Why do you need pages that long?"

Man: "Well, it's a long story."

After a long day’s work, I came home and saw my kid ripping off the front and back pages of my dictionary.

Things just went from Bad to Worse.

I don’t see what’s so hard about getting on the front page around here...

Everybody loves cake

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8621. If this makes it to the front page, odds are it’s someone’s ATM PIN.

Crap.

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefu...

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

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90% of the Front Page should be tagged as "NSFW"

I mean, with all these assholes showing up...

Do you know about the Chinese author who wrote a million page book?

It was Wei Tu Long.

What did the Muslim guy say when his joke made the front page?

EDIT: This blew up.

Source: Am Muslim guy.

If I ripped out the first 100 pages of my dictionary, will I then be able to look up well, but and actually?

Well yes, but, actually no

There's a web page out there about my dad and I tried to find it but you know what it said?

(Web Page Not Found)

If you dont see a repost on the front page of r/jokes

It means it's your turn

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I've read that excessive sex causes memory loss:

It was in the British Medical Journal in May last year, page 12, paragraph 3. A nice sunny day I was reading in the park ...

What do you call the Redditor whose Jedi mind trick tricked you into upvoting their joke to the front page?

OP Wan Kenobi

My stoner friend rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook.

He is high on my list of priorities.

How do you buy the front page of the internet?

Using your reddit card

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Three sisters were all getting married within a short time period...

...Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started and made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions of marital sex.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.

The card said nothing but: ...

I broke up with my European girlfriend because we weren’t on the same page.

I’m 8 1/2 x 11. She’s A4.

It just didn’t feel right. We didn’t fit together.

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A sex addict, an alcoholic and a pot head die and arrive at the gates of heaven.

Jesus is standing there looking at them sternly he says, " I stand at these gates to judge the souls that have passed on. If you do not deserve to enter heaven then you will be cast to the fire filled depths of hell where you will spend all eternity in agony."

The three sinners knowing the l...

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Did you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?

I read that in a medical journal on page 64, at 2:34pm on Friday 15th of August, 2021.

Preferated pages are terrible

Tearable*

A man in Moscow goes up to a newsstand and buys a newspaper…

He then glances at the front page, then turns aside and tosses the whole newspaper straight into the trash.

Next day, he turns up, and does the same thing. Buys it, glances at the front page, throws it in the trash.

Next day, same thing. The newsstand worker is increasingly puzzled, bu...

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Hitler, Salin, and EA were having a debate

"Who amongst us is the most hated?" Hitler asked

Stalin said "It is I, the Soviet Union killed more people than even you, Hitler!"

EA says "NONSENSE! I've ruined dozens of game franchises. I am the most hated!"

Hitler said "Why don't we hold a vote in hell and see who is the mo...

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What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?

Church

The other day my friend was telling me i didnt know what irony meant

Which was ironic since we were at a bus stop

Edit: thanks for silver gold and front page, it means alot

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My mate said he can tighten up nuts and bolts with his butt.

Personally I think he torques out of his arse

Edit: Silver, Gold, Platinum, and got to the front page.

Thankyou everyone!

I like my plastic containers like I like my jokes on this page

Recycled.

I was so happy when I got my new thesaurus in the mail. But when I opened it, every page was blank!

Damn.

I have no words to describe how upset I am.

I finished a big book the other day. 421 pages.

That's a lot of coloring when you think about it.

What do you call a waffle on a California beach?

A Sandy Eggo.
- Compliments of my cousin's 6 year old daughter (She says "Hi" by the way).

-EDIT: Wow, this blew up a lot more than I thought it would. My first gold and my first post to make it to the front page. You are too kind, Reddit.

I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast.

Since she can't even beat an egg

Edit:
Whoa, front page, im ashamed. Thank you kind stranger for the silver oh, you made my day!

Do you know what's on pages 5 and 6 of an Opel manual?

Bus and train schedules.

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No Sex Tonight!

I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example… One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

We...

Some of the jokes on this page are so dark

I'm surprised they haven't been shot yet

I set my Alzheimer's-patient grandmother's home page to r/jokes

She loves reading the fresh new jokes every day!

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels comes alive when you add Coke.

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

**Edit:** Did not expect this joke to take off. Made it to the front page for a little while.

**Edit 2:** Thank you for the gold kind stranger.

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Do all black people have a problem with slavery?

Or just mine?

Edit: wow, front page of reddit! For those commenting on the distasteful nature of these joke, remind yourself.. It's a joke. The joke is based on wordplay, quick delivery, and is in no way designed to be racist. Slavery was never something to laugh about.

Edit 2: Holy g...

Why did the author include a page with a computer generated grid in his book?

Because he auto graphed it.

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The front page should be marked as NSFW

With all these senator assholes popping up I might as well be on a porn site

if you're a student with political ambitions, think carefully about what you put on your yearbook page

I don't mean to keep it clean; I mean think carefully about how you can troll a bunch of Congressmen who will be trying to decode it in 2048.

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This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree.

He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.

"Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks.

"Boy," is the man's response.

"Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there", says the service guy. An hour later the service guy shows u...

A man dies and goes to hell

There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes to the German hell and asks,

"What do they do there?"

He told, "First they put you in an electric chair♨ for an hour.

Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.

Then the German devil...

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The 13th Amendment makes it illegal to buy people.

Apparently, it doesn't apply to congressmen.

Edit: Wow...so this is what it’s like to reach the front page... really underwhelming...

In all seriousness, while there are a bunch of corrupt politicians out there, DO call your congressman and DO participate in your local elections and pr...

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Her best feature.... NSFW

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious ...

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