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Code Jokes

Why do they put bar codes on the ships in Norway?

So they can scandinavian .

Why didn't Leia email Obi-Wan the Death-Star plans?

The Jedi Code forbids attachments.

Whenever I need to code..

BASIC is my go to language.

Everyone knows Alan Turing, who cracked Enigma codes.

But nobody knows his sister Kate, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time.

the Mars rover used to be coded in C

Now it's coated in Rust.

What's the difference between Ocean and my Programming Code Repository?

They are putting some efforts for cleaning Garbage from the ocean.

Banned from the grocery store

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the follow...

I'm in love with a girl from my Morse code course

Not sure how she feels though, she keeps sending mixed signals.

Yo momma so fat…

She has her own zip code.

Three surgeons were discussing their patients.

The first surgeon says, 'I like operating on electricians, you open them up and everything is colour coded and tagged and easy to trace'

The second surgeon says 'I enjoy opening librarians. Everything is catalogued and in order, so really easy to find things'

The third surgeon says 'I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How Many Dogs Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!...

What's the difference between the Mafia and Price Waterhouse Cooper?

The Mafia have a code of honour.

After many years of not going to church an elderly lady decides to go to her local service.

Although very poor and with worn-out clothing, she dressed in her best and headed out. As she approached the church, she saw all the people dressed in such splendor. Not a stain, not a rip or tear on any of their clothes. The preacher and deacons stood and welcomed people as they entered.

She...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A local joke from my country

So Bill works for the secret services and gets sent to Russia to spy on them. Eventually he got caught and the russians start torturing him in order to get the nuclear missile codes of Bill’s country. Bill shows incredible strength and integrity and doesn’t say a word. The russians are impressed wit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Putin wanted to know if Zelenskyy was still alive...

Zelenskyy himself decided to send Putin a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Putin opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message.







370HSSV-0773H






Putin was baffled, so he emailed...

After replacing their old C++ code with Google's new programming language, Tinder can now automatically detect its users' age

This is because it's a Carbon dating app.

What code does a depressed programmer write?

"Goodbye world!"

Problem within binary code?

01110000 01110010 01101111 01100010 01101100 01100101 01101101

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code

Last night, for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I called the premature ejaculation support group to find out what the dress code was.

Apparently, most members just come in their pants.

Why Does the Norway Navy have Bar codes on the side of the ships?

So when they come back to the port they can 'Scandinavian'

Santa gets around a lot just like Ludacris.

He ho ho ho's in different area codes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Surgeon Talk

Five surgeons were talking about the best patients...



The first surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered."



The second surgeon says, "Nah - librarians are the best. Everything inside them is...

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters

So Trump can't tweet it

What do you call an apology written in dots and lines?

A Re-Morse Code

Code red for storm Eunice in The Netherlands

A friend of mine is now on Texel, one of the Dutch Wadden Islands, off the coast of The Netherlands. Sadly, the weather conditions there are very, very bad. The perceived temperature is close to freezing, lots of heavy rain, and wind gusts of close to 100 mph (150 km/h). They are now completely isol...

Fellas, if your girl has some form of Polyethylene terephthalate in the shape of an equiangular quadrilateral with the hex code of ff0000

get out fast, that’s a red flag.


Credit to u/wcollins260

99 bugs in the code...

99 bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code!
Take one down, patch it around.
127 bugs in the code.

War dress code

There is a war going on between the Germans and the Scottish and in the middle of the war two soldiers from opposite sides stop to talk and one of them asks the other “why do you wear red uniforms?” They respond “when someone is shot the blood blends in and morale stays up. Why do you wear brown uni...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a pub and ordered a pint. As the landlord put my drink down, I asked him for the wifi code.

"Oh no," he said, "there's no wifi in here; people used to sit talking in pubs about their day, their families, work, politics, music, the lot - now people just stare at their phones and it breaks my heart to see; therefore, no wifi in this pub."

"You know what?" I replied, "You're right!" an...

A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code

He refused to comment

We all know the zip code to Beverly Hills, it’s 90210. But do you remember the one for Dawson’s Creek?

It’s 90108 (for our lives to be over)

How does a software code becomes unreadable?

No comments.

Lost my job as a hedge fund manager today, not sure if due to dress code or work performance!

All the boss would tell me is something about my shorts and that that they didn't cover.

Adultery Code

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would...

What if...

What if you were being held at gunpoint by a literate animal (bear with me), and your only hope of escaping (BEAR WITH ME) was by posting a coded message

All Swedish battleships have a UPC code printed on the hull.

When the ships return to port, it helps them Scandinavian.

What do you call it when a tap dancing mare signals for help?

Horse code

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bouncer is working on a Saturday night at a popular nightclub for household utensils...

... One of the regulars, a mirror, comes outside for a smoke and greets him.

As they make small talk, a toilet approaches flaunting a pristine gold plated lid. The bouncer immediately lets him in.

The mirror rolls his eyes as the toilet pushes through.

Next, a limo pulls up and ...

If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be screwed! They'd have my bank pin #, phone unlock code, front door lock code...

...they'd even know my birth year!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After 15 years of marriage, the husband suggests to his wife that they should invent a little code for when she wants sex so he doesn't have to read her mind at bedtime.

Laying in bed one night he says "So, if you want sex, pull my dick once, if you don't want sex, pull my dick one hundred and sixty-nine times."

Bugs in C code should be called fishes

Because fishes are found in the sea

Jesus and satan bet on who is a better programmer

Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.

They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for severa...

What cheat code do you use to get into the Army?

Left, left, left, right, left

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Why does the bar association code of ethics prevent sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

I was called to my managers office today because of my dress code.

He said, "You can't wear pyjamas to work."

I said, "Everybody else does."

He said, "That's because they're patients."

Norwegian naval ships all have large bar codes painted on their hulls...

So when they return to port a sailor can scan da navy in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 surgeons were arguing on the golf course about who makes the best patients.

The first one said he loved librarians to operate on. When you open them up, every part is in alphabitical order. The second doc said no, electricians are the best! Everything inside is color coded. The third doc said he had spent most of his career working in D C. That the absolute best surgical p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Use code: “THISISAFUCKINGROBBERY”

in store for a 100% Discount.

Telegraph Operators once complained to Morse how some of his codes were confusing and needs to be revised.

But he had no remorse.

99 programming bugs in the code

99 programming bugs in the code.

99 programming bugs.

Take one down, patch it all up.

111 programming bugs in the code.


EDIT: FRONT PAGE! HOLY COW! Thanks so much, reddit! Credit goes to my IT teacher.
EDIT 2: WE SURPASSED 1K UPVOTES!?!?! THANKS!

The bro code

Jill didn't come home one night. When she got home the next morning, she said she'd slept over at a girl friend's house.

Jack called ten of her best friends, but none of them said she had been there.

A week later, Jack doesn't come home. The next day, he says he spent the night at a bu...

Why does the Norway Navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian!

Edit: whoops I meant Norwegian Navy

Edit 2: Thanks to commenters I have links to other people who have posted this joke! I haven’t been around very long so I didn’t know, go give them an upvote as well if you’d like!

2015:...

Which is harder? Trying to read a doctor's handwriting or trying to read a programmer's code?

Trying to read a doctor's code.

A journalist asked a programmer:- What makes code bad?

No comment.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do they announce overhead when a patient poops in the bed in the hospital?

I Heard they call a Code Amber.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Secret code"

This joke is set in India where the traffic rules are just as lax as the traffic cops.

One day, while riding to work on his bike, John realized he had forgotten his helmet.
He knew the cops would catch him when they saw this and that he'd have to bribe his way out of a heavy fine.

S...

The medical code of ethics is way too strict. Apparently, I’m not allowed to marry a patient even if we’re in a consensual relationship.

I’m really starting to hate being a veterinarian.

Code PANDA!

A rookie Secret Service agent is starting his first day at the White House.

"You picked a hell of a first day!" says his boss. "The President is moving out today, and we don't know how he's going to take it. If he starts munching down cheeseburgers, killing members of staff, and then walks ou...

I began speed reading, and just last night I read “The Da Vinci Code” in fifteen minutes.

I know it’s only 4 words, but it’s a start.

Did you hear about the programmer who was apprehended before he could check in his code?

He was arrested for a crime; he didn’t commit.

Hey man why did you choose 0911 as your credit card code ?

Never forget

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It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life...

Author's note - Wrote this from memory. When you tell this joke in person, act out the stuff in brackets.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life from a German patrol. One of the benefi...

Did y’all hear of the computer virus coded by the librarian?

It was Dewey Decimalware

So I went to a super rich hotel and apparently they have code names for everything...

So I asked for an extra pillow and got a prositute

Now I have two prositutes and not enough pillows

A general is inspecting the drydock where an advanced prototype is in the final stages of commissioning.

The project manager excitedly explains how the attack submarine will be much faster than an enemy due to an innovative design which drastically reduces drag forces. The general asks how progress is coming along.

The manager replies, “The propulsion system is complete, I think it's ready for ...

What do you get when a climate change activist creates computer code?

An Al Gore Rythym

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey sexy, are you having a hard time understanding U.S. Federal tax code?

... cause I'm Intuit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I've been invited to the Premature Ejaculation Society's annual awards dinner. When I asked them what the dress code was...

They told me just to come in my pants.

A construction worker goes to a fancy restaurant to eat and they have a dress code.

The man goes into the fancy restaurant and have a discussion with the host:

**Host** Sir, you cannot come in here with out a belt. We have standards.

The man goes out to his car and puts on a belt fashioned out of some rope. He goes back in.

**Host** Alright.... I guess you ha...

Two men were talking one day and one mentioned he was visiting the USSR.

The friend tells him that it's politically rough over there and that they check letters leaving the country for dissenters. So, he instructs the man to use a code - write in black ink if everything is fine and red ink if things are bad. The man goes to the USSR and a few weeks later the friend gets ...

Air Force One now gets a new Code name!

The COVID Express!

What’s the best way to code the snake game?

In *python* script

Homie: Do you know how to write "s" in morse code?

Me: ...

Scientist: We've successfully taught a dog Morse code!

Dog: [taps paw]


Me: What did it say??


Scientist: "Woof."

No one laughed at my joke I made in school so maybe you guys will like it

What do you call an english teacher who knows how to code

A pro-grammar

The Pentagon is in the middle of switching up their nuclear codes..

They want them to be longer, in order to make them more secure. It’s not because they’re worried about spies cracking the codes. It’s just that they want them to be over 140 characters so Trump can’t tweet them out.

What is a brothels dress code?

No shirt, no shoes, no cervix.

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