How does a software code becomes unreadable?

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My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code

Last night, for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Telegraph Operators once complained to Morse how some of his codes were confusing and needs to be revised.

But he had no remorse.

Lost my job as a hedge fund manager today, not sure if due to dress code or work performance!

All the boss would tell me is something about my shorts and that that they didn't cover.

All Swedish battleships have a UPC code printed on the hull.

When the ships return to port, it helps them Scandinavian.

No one laughed at my joke I made in school so maybe you guys will like it

What do you call an english teacher who knows how to code

A pro-grammar

Bugs in C code should be called fishes

Because fishes are found in the sea

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear that word one more time, I'll quit!"


Everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen." This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at ...

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Five surgeons were talking about the best patients...

First surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered."
Second surgeon says, "Nah - librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
Third surgeon responds, "Try electricians, man! Everything in...

Norwegian naval ships all have large bar codes painted on their hulls...

So when they return to port a sailor can scan da navy in.

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Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Institute of Mental Health

If you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder, please press button 1. Again. And again. And again.

If you have a multiple personality disorder press in rapid sequence keys 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoia, we have to inform you that we already know who you are, what you d...

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The EA leak showed that the FIFA source code is like sex with your SO

Different wrapper, same package

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive. Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single- line coded message: 370HSSV – 0773H. Trump was baffled, so he scanned it and emailed it to his aides, who had no clue either, so th...

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With Apologies To Abbot And Costello

There were these two kids who ran away from their home in Why, Arizona. One was a tall, white kid. The other was a short, Asian kid. After running away from home, a police officer notices them. They were caught milking baby gila monsters for their venom. The cop didn't want to send them to juvi...

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[NSFW] Why does the bar association code of ethics prevent sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?

So they can Scandinavian.

Why do Danish ships have bar codes on them?

So when they dock they can Scandinavian.

A 2020's Nightclub

Nightclubs in 2050 will have a 2020's theme night, with masks as dress-code, a maximum occupancy of 6, and a bartender behind a wall of pyrex.

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I went to a pub and ordered a pint. As the landlord put my drink down, I asked him for the wifi code.

"Oh no," he said, "there's no wifi in here; people used to sit talking in pubs about their day, their families, work, politics, music, the lot - now people just stare at their phones and it breaks my heart to see; therefore, no wifi in this pub."

"You know what?" I replied, "You're right!" an...

How did the cryptographer tell his wife he was sorry again?

Re-morse code.

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After 15 years of marriage, the husband suggests to his wife that they should invent a little code for when she wants sex so he doesn't have to read her mind at bedtime.

Laying in bed one night he says "So, if you want sex, pull my dick once, if you don't want sex, pull my dick one hundred and sixty-nine times."

Everybody knows Alan Turing who cracked the enigma codes

[removed]

Everyone knows Alan Turing who cracked Enigma codes.

But nobody knows his sister Kay, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time.

Breaking news

Teacher Arrested At Pearson Airport
A high school teacher was arrested today at Toronto's Pearson Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a press conference, Premier Kathleen Wynne said she believ...

99 critical bugs in the code... 99 critical bugs. Track one down, patch it when found...

100 critical bugs in the code.

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A wealthy man suspects his wife is cheating on him..

A wealthy man suspects his wife is cheating on him. He decides he'd call in during his work day and try to catch his wife in the act. A woman's voice answers the phone, "Hello?"

"Hello? Who is this?" the man replies. The voice responds, "I'm the housekeeper. I was hired this morning. Sh...

We all know the zip code to Beverly Hills is 90210 but what’s the zip code to Dawson’s Creek?

>!Spoiler!< 90108 for our lives to be over...

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters

So Trump can't tweet it

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Hey sexy, are you having a hard time understanding U.S. Federal tax code?

... cause I'm Intuit.

Two elderly gentlemen sit inside of a nursing home, casually sipping their coffee...

The one facing the door glances up at the night shift tech who’s leaving for the day, glimpsing him press the code 1749* into the door before opening it and leaving.
He softly says to the other one, 1749*.
The second man smiles contentedly, “We’re breaking out tonight.” They winked and let o...

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"Secret code"

This joke is set in India where the traffic rules are just as lax as the traffic cops.

One day, while riding to work on his bike, John realized he had forgotten his helmet.
He knew the cops would catch him when they saw this and that he'd have to bribe his way out of a heavy fine.

S...

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Use code: “THISISAFUCKINGROBBERY”

in store for a 100% Discount.

How to find a lost iPhone

1) Google "Find my phone"

2) Enter Apple's site

3) Login to your account

4) Confirm verification code sent to your phone...

(not a joke, a real story)

Code PANDA!

A rookie Secret Service agent is starting his first day at the White House.

"You picked a hell of a first day!" says his boss. "The President is moving out today, and we don't know how he's going to take it. If he starts munching down cheeseburgers, killing members of staff, and then walks ou...

A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code

He refused to comment

Why did the Norwegians put bar codes on the sides of all their ships?

So when the come into port they can Scandinavian

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It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life...

Author's note - Wrote this from memory. When you tell this joke in person, act out the stuff in brackets.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life from a German patrol. One of the benefi...

Air Force One now gets a new Code name!

The COVID Express!

A construction worker goes to a fancy restaurant to eat and they have a dress code.

The man goes into the fancy restaurant and have a discussion with the host:

**Host** Sir, you cannot come in here with out a belt. We have standards.

The man goes out to his car and puts on a belt fashioned out of some rope. He goes back in.

**Host** Alright.... I guess you ha...

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I was at this funeral and after we went to house for the wake and I was a bit bored so I went up to the widow and I asked her "Can I have the wi-fi code?" She replied "Don't you think that's inappropriate you, short fat bald wanker".....

I said "Is that all in lowercase ?"

What is a brothels dress code?

No shirt, no shoes, no cervix.

Did you hear about the programmer who was apprehended before he could check in his code?

He was arrested for a crime; he didn’t commit.

How do viking ships communicate with each other?

Norse code

I'm gonna keep making these jokes until one blows up

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I recently started learning Morse code, but it's really hurting my sleep schedule

FUCK U TOO RAIN

What do you get when a climate change activist creates computer code?

An Al Gore Rythym

If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be screwed! They'd have my bank pin #, phone unlock code, front door lock code...

...they'd even know my birth year!

What cheat code do you use to get into the Army?

Left, left, left, right, left

I got a job as a regional distributor for Hostess snack cakes...

I got Ho-Hos in different area codes.

The medical code of ethics is way too strict. Apparently, I’m not allowed to marry a patient even if we’re in a consensual relationship.

I’m really starting to hate being a veterinarian.

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Stumbling across some lines of code you wrote in your last job, is like running into your ex

They still look good, although not perfect and showing some signs of age.

You remember the good and bad times you spent with them.

You recollect all the little mistakes you made, and wonder whether you could've done something differently.

You've learned a lot, and hope to use th...

How did Vikings communicate over long distances?

Norse code.

Sorry everyone!

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There wasn't a dress code for the premature ejaculators meeting.

So I just came in my pants.

I created an AI that analyzed everything submitted to /r/Jokes over the past year, then I had it write its own joke. Here is that joke.

EXC_BAD_ACCESS (code=1, address=0x0)

I'm actually really happy with Trump's presidency so far.



He's had the nuclear codes for a couple of years now and hasn't tweeted them yet.

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What does a brothel and the American school system have in common?

The workers are under paid, the building probably isn’t up to code and you’re likely to leave thoroughly fucked.

What language was used to program Marvin the Paranoid Android (from Hitchhiker's Guide...)?

Morose Code.

99 little bugs in the code...

99 bugs in the code. Fix one bug, compile it down. 167 little bugs in the code....sigh.

Why does the Norway Navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian!

Edit: whoops I meant Norwegian Navy

Edit 2: Thanks to commenters I have links to other people who have posted this joke! I haven’t been around very long so I didn’t know, go give them an upvote as well if you’d like!

2015:...

A couple called in a contractor to do some updates to their house and landscape.

A couple called in a contractor to do some updates to their house and landscape. They all walk in to the bedroom and they tell him they were thinking about painting it blue because there's a baby boy on the way. He walks to the window and yells "Green side up!" The couple look at one another a bit c...

I'm selling Amazon gift codes on eBay.

If anyone's interested, they are in a mint condition and only used once.

I am a programmer. A journalist asked me what makes a software code bad. I said...

No comment

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Four surgeons are discussing their favorite patients to work on.

The first surgeon to speak says "librarians are my favorite; when you cut them open, everything inside is alphabetical filed."

The next surgeon replies "I prefer to work on accountants, because everything is in numerical order."

The third surgeon rebuttles "electricians are the best, w...

So I went to a super rich hotel and apparently they have code names for everything...

So I asked for an extra pillow and got a prositute

Now I have two prositutes and not enough pillows

Two spies got caught using a book code to communicate

Clearly they weren't on the same page.

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What’s the dress code at premature ejaculation support groups?

Come as you are

What’s the best way to code the snake game?

In *python* script

I was bragging that I knew the hex code for every color, but then I forgot the one for blue

Yea, that was a big 0000FF

The bro code

Jill didn't come home one night. When she got home the next morning, she said she'd slept over at a girl friend's house.

Jack called ten of her best friends, but none of them said she had been there.

A week later, Jack doesn't come home. The next day, he says he spent the night at a bu...

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The secret code

A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!"

"Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?"

Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato to...

99 programming bugs in the code

99 programming bugs in the code.

99 programming bugs.

Take one down, patch it all up.

111 programming bugs in the code.


EDIT: FRONT PAGE! HOLY COW! Thanks so much, reddit! Credit goes to my IT teacher.
EDIT 2: WE SURPASSED 1K UPVOTES!?!?! THANKS!

Self-driving cars will never work right.

No matter how you try, it will always be buggy code.

I began speed reading, and just last night I read “The Da Vinci Code” in fifteen minutes.

I know it’s only 4 words, but it’s a start.

Homie: Do you know how to write "s" in morse code?

Me: ...

I get so lonely on the weekends....

that I log into all my online accounts so my phone text tone goes off with authentication codes that I can pretend are my friends texting me.

People be like LGBTQA

Like bruh I didn’t ask for Among Us code

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So I've been invited to the Premature Ejaculation Society's annual awards dinner. When I asked them what the dress code was...

They told me just to come in my pants.

Someone has a card pin code of 7541

and now that person is feeling uncomfortable

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Construction Code

A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I", then at his knee, meaning, "n...

Hey girl, are you a line of code on a computer?

'Cause I have a special set of instructions for you to follow.

A series of dots and dashes is Morse code.

A series of sobs and tears is re-Morse code.

A girl once told me she was LGBTQ

I said, “I asked for the homework, not the among us code.”

Why was the crash test dummy put in charge of the nuclear launch codes?

They are great at demonstrating restraints.

What does a programmer wear?

Whatever is in the dress code.

The Pentagon is in the middle of switching up their nuclear codes..

They want them to be longer, in order to make them more secure. It’s not because they’re worried about spies cracking the codes. It’s just that they want them to be over 140 characters so Trump can’t tweet them out.

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Everyone's saying I'm paranoid for starting these Morse code lessons

but I'm positive those woodpeckers are talking shit

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It’s all about the dress codes.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Ghurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Dane, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a ...

Friday afternoon I'm walking home from school

and I'm watching some men build a new house. The guy hammering the house called me a paranoid little weirdo. In Morse code.

Emo Phillips

The pimple on my forehead is enormous.

It practically has its own zit code.

What do Spanish programmers code in?

Si ++

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I asked a girl, "Do you know the zip code for sex?"

She said, "No."

I told her, "No wonder you don't have any male in your box."

I'm so good at programming I don't even need to test before I ship code.

Sent my program last week and haven't heard of any problems since!

Signed,
Richard
Junior Helicopter Auto-Pilot Software Developer

What is Thor's favorite method of communication?

Norse code.

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