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Code Jokes

Adultery Code

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code

Last night, for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Everyone knows Alan Turing, who cracked Enigma codes.

But nobody knows his sister Kate, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time.
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The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters

So Trump can't tweet it
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99 bugs in the code...

99 bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code!
Take one down, patch it around.
127 bugs in the code.
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The code-genie

A programmer finds a genie on the darkweb, and the genie messages him: "YOU GET THREE WISHES." So the programmer excitedly immediately wishes to be a billionaire. The genie messages back: "Hold on there pally it's not that easy. You gotta get me out of the darkweb first and into a LAMP."
...
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A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code

He refused to comment
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If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be screwed! They'd have my bank pin #, phone unlock code, front door lock code...

...they'd even know my birth year!
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The bro code

Jill didn't come home one night. When she got home the next morning, she said she'd slept over at a girl friend's house.

Jack called ten of her best friends, but none of them said she had been there.

A week later, Jack doesn't come home. The next day, he says he spent the night at a bu...
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We all know the zip code to Beverly Hills, it’s 90210. But do you remember the one for Dawson’s Creek?

It’s 90108 (for our lives to be over)
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99 little bugs in the code...

99 bugs in the code. Fix one bug, compile it down. 167 little bugs in the code....sigh.
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War dress code

There is a war going on between the Germans and the Scottish and in the middle of the war two soldiers from opposite sides stop to talk and one of them asks the other “why do you wear red uniforms?” They respond “when someone is shot the blood blends in and morale stays up. Why do you wear brown uni...
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What cheat code do you use to get into the Army?

Left, left, left, right, left
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99 programming bugs in the code

99 programming bugs in the code.

99 programming bugs.

Take one down, patch it all up.

111 programming bugs in the code.


EDIT: FRONT PAGE! HOLY COW! Thanks so much, reddit! Credit goes to my IT teacher.
EDIT 2: WE SURPASSED 1K UPVOTES!?!?! THANKS!
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Why does the Norway Navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian!

Edit: whoops I meant Norwegian Navy

Edit 2: Thanks to commenters I have links to other people who have posted this joke! I haven’t been around very long so I didn’t know, go give them an upvote as well if you’d like!

2015:...
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"How do you spell "S" in Morse code?"

"..."

"Fine then, keep your secrets."
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A journalist asked a programmer:- What makes code bad?

No comment.
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Whenever I need to code..

BASIC is my go to language.
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Bank Code

Kevin was withdrawing money from an ATM.

A person, who was just behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! I've seen your password. Its 4 asterisks!


Kevin replies, "Ha! Ha! Ha! You are wrong. Its 1258."
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Why do they have bar codes on the returning Swedish fleet?

So they can Scandinavian.
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Why didn't Leia email Obi-Wan the Death-Star plans?

The Jedi Code forbids attachments.
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Problem within binary code?

01110000 01110010 01101111 01100010 01101100 01100101 01101101
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What's the difference between Ocean and my Programming Code Repository?

They are putting some efforts for cleaning Garbage from the ocean.
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the Mars rover used to be coded in C

Now it's coated in Rust.
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What code does a depressed programmer write?

"Goodbye world!"
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I'm in love with a girl from my Morse code course

Not sure how she feels though, she keeps sending mixed signals.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a pub and ordered a pint. As the landlord put my drink down, I asked him for the wifi code.

"Oh no," he said, "there's no wifi in here; people used to sit talking in pubs about their day, their families, work, politics, music, the lot - now people just stare at their phones and it breaks my heart to see; therefore, no wifi in this pub."

"You know what?" I replied, "You're right!" an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Secret code"

This joke is set in India where the traffic rules are just as lax as the traffic cops.

One day, while riding to work on his bike, John realized he had forgotten his helmet.
He knew the cops would catch him when they saw this and that he'd have to bribe his way out of a heavy fine.

S...

Code PANDA!

A rookie Secret Service agent is starting his first day at the White House.

"You picked a hell of a first day!" says his boss. "The President is moving out today, and we don't know how he's going to take it. If he starts munching down cheeseburgers, killing members of staff, and then walks ou...
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Osama Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message

Osama Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message to let him know he is still alive:-
"370H SSV 0773H." Bush is baffled. Condi Rice and her aides and even the FBI and CIA
can't decipher it. So they ask Britain's MI6 for help. Within a minute MI6 replies:-
"Er, tell the President he's hol...
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Why does the Norway navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandanavian.
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How does a software code becomes unreadable?

No comments.
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Scientist: We've successfully taught a dog Morse code!

Dog: [taps paw]


Me: What did it say??


Scientist: "Woof."
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Code red for storm Eunice in The Netherlands

A friend of mine is now on Texel, one of the Dutch Wadden Islands, off the coast of The Netherlands. Sadly, the weather conditions there are very, very bad. The perceived temperature is close to freezing, lots of heavy rain, and wind gusts of close to 100 mph (150 km/h). They are now completely isol...
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Wanna know how to swear in Morse code?

*Bleep bleep... Bleep bleep bleep.. bleep.. blip blip blip blip... blip... blip bleep blip... blip blip bleep blip... blip blip bleep... bleep blip bleep blip... bleep blip bleep... blip... blip bleep blip*
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I began speed reading, and just last night I read “The Da Vinci Code” in fifteen minutes.

I know it’s only 4 words, but it’s a start.
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Bugs in C code should be called fishes

Because fishes are found in the sea
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What does a programmer wear?

Whatever is in the dress code.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The secret code

A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!"

"Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?"

Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Construction Code

A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I", then at his knee, meaning, "n...

Over the last couple of months I've taught myself Morse code.

I've been trying to use it in lots of different situations. I taught the dogs commands in Morse code by tapping on the floor. I communicate to the wife from different parts in the house by clapping my hands in Morse code. Lately I've been refusing to speak out loud whenever possible. My wife says if...
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I called the premature ejaculation support group to find out what the dress code was.

Apparently, most members just come in their pants.

All Swedish battleships have a UPC code printed on the hull.

When the ships return to port, it helps them Scandinavian.
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My wife didn't finish her Morse code lessons before going sailing.

She seems to alright though she keeps sending me messages to send her an SMS but I haven't got a reply yet.
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Tank tops shouldn't be against school dress codes

After all, we have a right to bare arms.
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Why is bad code also referred to as 'spaghetti code'?

Because it was written by IT-aliens.
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What is a brothels dress code?

No shirt, no shoes, no cervix.
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The Pentagon is in the middle of switching up their nuclear codes..

They want them to be longer, in order to make them more secure. It’s not because they’re worried about spies cracking the codes. It’s just that they want them to be over 140 characters so Trump can’t tweet them out.
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After replacing their old C++ code with Google's new programming language, Tinder can now automatically detect its users' age

This is because it's a Carbon dating app.
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After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter,...
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Dress Code

A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his t...
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We all know that Beverly Hills High is in zip code 90210, but do you know the zip code for the Dawson's Creek's High School?

90108
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Air Force One now gets a new Code name!

The COVID Express!
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Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its mea...
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What do Spanish programmers code in?

Si ++
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I was called to my managers office today because of my dress code.

He said, "You can't wear pyjamas to work."

I said, "Everybody else does."

He said, "That's because they're patients."
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Someone has a card pin code of 7541

and now that person is feeling uncomfortable
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Why does the bar association code of ethics prevent sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gorilla walks into a bar in Manhattan

The bartender gives the gorilla a craft beer menu (without the fucking QR codes). The gorilla points at a particular summer ale, with hints of lemon. The bartender nods, and tells him what a great choice that is.

A few minutes later, the bartender serves the gorilla this tasty craft brew, an...

What’s the best way to code the snake game?

In *python* script
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Did y’all hear of the computer virus coded by the librarian?

It was Dewey Decimalware
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Two spies got caught using a book code to communicate

Clearly they weren't on the same page.
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Lost my job as a hedge fund manager today, not sure if due to dress code or work performance!

All the boss would tell me is something about my shorts and that that they didn't cover.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone's saying I'm paranoid for starting these Morse code lessons

but I'm positive those woodpeckers are talking shit

A series of dots and dashes is Morse code.

A series of sobs and tears is re-Morse code.
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Which is harder? Trying to read a doctor's handwriting or trying to read a programmer's code?

Trying to read a doctor's code.
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Hey girl, are you a line of code on a computer?

'Cause I have a special set of instructions for you to follow.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The EA leak showed that the FIFA source code is like sex with your SO

Different wrapper, same package

What do you get when a climate change activist creates computer code?

An Al Gore Rythym
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey sexy, are you having a hard time understanding U.S. Federal tax code?

... cause I'm Intuit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s all about the dress codes.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Ghurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Dane, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a ...

So I went to a super rich hotel and apparently they have code names for everything...

So I asked for an extra pillow and got a prositute

Now I have two prositutes and not enough pillows
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What is Bielefeld's Zip Code?

404
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Fellas, if your girl has some form of Polyethylene terephthalate in the shape of an equiangular quadrilateral with the hex code of ff0000

get out fast, that’s a red flag.


Credit to u/wcollins260
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Did you hear about the programmer who was apprehended before he could check in his code?

He was arrested for a crime; he didn’t commit.
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I'm a Programmer that doesn't know code

Some say I'm just Div'ing my own grave.
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I wonder what SwissCodeMonkey.....

Will do now that Funny Jokes has an alternative.

Who am I kidding? We all know they never do anything.
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Telegraph Operators once complained to Morse how some of his codes were confusing and needs to be revised.

But he had no remorse.
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What’s Trump’s code name when he visits China?

Orange Chicken
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked a girl, "Do you know the zip code for sex?"

She said, "No."

I told her, "No wonder you don't have any male in your box."

When my SO is sad, she likes to code.

So I give her some &nbsp
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