Which is harder? Trying to read a doctor's handwriting or trying to read a programmer's code?

Trying to read a doctor's code.

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After 15 years of marriage, the husband suggests to his wife that they should invent a little code for when she wants sex so he doesn't have to read her mind at bedtime.

Laying in bed one night he says "So, if you want sex, pull my dick once, if you don't want sex, pull my dick one hundred and sixty-nine times."

Code PANDA!

A rookie Secret Service agent is starting his first day at the White House.

"You picked a hell of a first day!" says his boss. "The President is moving out today, and we don't know how he's going to take it. If he starts munching down cheeseburgers, killing members of staff, and then walks ou...

Everybody knows Alan Turing who cracked the enigma codes

[removed]

Everyone knows Alan Turing who cracked Enigma codes.

But nobody knows his sister Kay, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time.

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I went to a pub and ordered a pint. As the landlord put my drink down, I asked him for the wifi code.

"Oh no," he said, "there's no wifi in here; people used to sit talking in pubs about their day, their families, work, politics, music, the lot - now people just stare at their phones and it breaks my heart to see; therefore, no wifi in this pub."

"You know what?" I replied, "You're right!" an...

99 critical bugs in the code... 99 critical bugs. Track one down, patch it when found...

100 critical bugs in the code.

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My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code.

Last night, for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Air Force One now gets a new Code name!

The COVID Express!

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I was at this funeral and after we went to house for the wake and I was a bit bored so I went up to the widow and I asked her "Can I have the wi-fi code?" She replied "Don't you think that's inappropriate you, short fat bald wanker".....

I said "Is that all in lowercase ?"

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"Secret code"

This joke is set in India where the traffic rules are just as lax as the traffic cops.

One day, while riding to work on his bike, John realized he had forgotten his helmet.
He knew the cops would catch him when they saw this and that he'd have to bribe his way out of a heavy fine.

S...

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What’s the code to Hitlers secret stash?

9999

Hey man why did you choose 0911 as your credit card code ?

Never forget

What do they call the line of code in the computer program that tracks global warming trends?

The Al-Gore-ithm

How do viking ships communicate with each other?

Norse code

I'm gonna keep making these jokes until one blows up

A construction worker goes to a fancy restaurant to eat and they have a dress code.

The man goes into the fancy restaurant and have a discussion with the host:

**Host** Sir, you cannot come in here with out a belt. We have standards.

The man goes out to his car and puts on a belt fashioned out of some rope. He goes back in.

**Host** Alright.... I guess you ha...

Why did the Norwegians put bar codes on the sides of all their ships?

So when the come into port they can Scandinavian

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It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life...

Author's note - Wrote this from memory. When you tell this joke in person, act out the stuff in brackets.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life from a German patrol. One of the benefi...

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Use code: “THISISAFUCKINGROBBERY”

in store for a 100% Discount.

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Stumbling across some lines of code you wrote in your last job, is like running into your ex

They still look good, although not perfect and showing some signs of age.

You remember the good and bad times you spent with them.

You recollect all the little mistakes you made, and wonder whether you could've done something differently.

You've learned a lot, and hope to use th...

What do you get when a climate change activist creates computer code?

An Al Gore Rythym

What is Thor's favorite method of communication?

Norse code.

What is a brothels dress code?

No shirt, no shoes, no cervix.

We all know the zip code to Beverly Hills is 90210 but what’s the zip code to Dawson’s Creek?

>!Spoiler!< 90108 for our lives to be over...

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its mea...

A girl once told me she was LGBTQ

I said, “I asked for the homework, not the among us code.”

What is Santa’s favorite Christmas Song?

What is Santa’s favorite Christmas Song?

Area Codes by Ludacris

Did you hear about the programmer who was apprehended before he could check in his code?

He was arrested for a crime; he didn’t commit.

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There wasn't a dress code for the premature ejaculators meeting.

So I just came in my pants.

I'm actually really happy with Trump's presidency so far.



He's had the nuclear codes for a couple of years now and hasn't tweeted them yet.

A code tester walks into the bar

He orders 2764389237498 beers.

How did Vikings communicate over telegraph?

Norse Code

The poor father of a Chef sees an ad in the local newspaper: "Come visit the Carnival and see our newest attraction, the Great Winged Monster!"

So the man makes his way down to the Carnival and pays the $2.00 admission price to get inside.

While inside the Carnival grounds he walks around, seeing ads for rides, games, food, and even shows! After a couple hours he finally sees it, a sign outside an obscure looking tent saying 'Great ...

Homie: Can you do an “s” in Morse Code?

Me: ...

Friday afternoon I'm walking home from school

and I'm watching some men build a new house. The guy hammering the house called me a paranoid little weirdo. In Morse code.

Emo Phillips

I'm selling Amazon gift codes on eBay.

If anyone's interested, they are in a mint condition and only used once.

The medical code of ethics is way too strict. Apparently, I’m not allowed to marry a patient even if we’re in a consensual relationship.

I’m really starting to hate being a veterinarian.

99 little bugs in the code...

99 bugs in the code. Fix one bug, compile it down. 167 little bugs in the code....sigh.

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A doctor has sex with a patient

A doctor has sex with a patient. And the guilt is killing him, it goes against the ethics code every doctor swears by.

So one part of his brain tells him: "don't worry, you're not the first guy to sleep with a patient, and you definitely won't be the last. You're a bachelor too, it's fiiiine"...

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What’s the dress code at premature ejaculation support groups?

Come as you are

What do you call an Apology written in dots and dashes?

Re-Morse code

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I recently started learning Morse code, but it's really hurting my sleep schedule

FUCK U TOO RAIN

A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code

He refused to comment

Two spies got caught using a book code to communicate

Clearly they weren't on the same page.

I was bragging that I knew the hex code for every color, but then I forgot the one for blue

Yea, that was a big 0000FF

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters

So Trump can't tweet it

How do sad people communicate?

Morose code.

Brought my GF back to my place after a hot date...

The only problem is, my place was actually my parents place and I had to share a bunk bed with my little brother Timmy. My GF and I decided to make up code words as to not alert Timmy to what we were doing. Lettuce meant harder, tomato meant faster, and pickle meant I was ready to finish.

I h...

If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be screwed! They'd have my bank pin #, phone unlock code, front door lock code...

...they'd even know my birth year!

What’s the best way to code the snake game?

In *python* script

Can you check the fuses?

Yes, sir, they're all fine. The red one, the green one, the yellow one and the blue one.
Which one blew?
None of them.
Which ones did you check?
The red one, the green one, the yellow one and the blue one.
But you said none of them blew!
That's correct.
Whose idea was it to c...

What cheat code do you use to get into the Army?

Left, left, left, right, left

So I went to a super rich hotel and apparently they have code names for everything...

So I asked for an extra pillow and got a prositute

Now I have two prositutes and not enough pillows

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The secret code

A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!"

"Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?"

Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato to...

Nobody could understand Othello.

It's because he was speaking in Moor's code.

A biologist and a radio operator are stranded on an island

None of them had anything except the biologist's phone, and a radio.

The radio operator started to tune the radio to send morse code to send rescue.

The biologist simply made a phone call.

Within a few hours, the both of them were saved.

Amazed, the radio operator asked "...

Adultery Code

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would...

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Wife is in a coma

Steve's wife falls in to a coma and after 2 years, he gets called in that there maybe a breakthrough.

At the hospital a nurse informs him that while giving her a sponge bath and reaching certain area there was new brain activity that started. The doctor then tell Steve if he was willing perha...

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If Herodotus was a vlogger

It's ya boi Herodotus back atch ya with another travlog!

So, I was in Delphi, and man, they be real mad with em Spartans.

Not taking sides, just my 2 Drachmae. Maybe my Athenian homies should've toned down their backstabbing a little bit, so that those Spartan hunks didn't have to canc...

Pulling out is a skill baesd game, while ........

Pulling out is a skill based game, while condoms are pay-to-win.

Abortion, on the other hand is a cheat code.

What goes bjork-bjork-bjork fjergen-fjergen-fjergen bjork-bjork-bjork?

Norse code

I am a programmer. A journalist asked me what makes a software code bad. I said...

No comment

My dad helped me fix my computer today

He told me the error code was “One D Ten T”. I didn’t understand what he meant until he told me to write it out.

Still don’t get it tho.

A newlywed couple arrived back from honeymoon to move into their tiny new flat.

"Care to go to bed?" the husband asked. "Shh!" said his blushing bride. "These walls are paper thin. The neighbours will know what you mean! Next time, ask me in code - like, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' - instead." So, the following night, the husband asks: "I don't suppose you lef...

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A set of identical boy triplets grow up doing everything together.

Naturally being brothers, they are very competitive and strive to outdo each other in everything they do. School, sports, work and most especially girls.

They get older, meet girls and all decide to settle down. Competitive streak aside, they are also extremely close and decide they will ge...

Why was the crash test dummy put in charge of the nuclear launch codes?

They are great at demonstrating restraints.

Why does the Norway Navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian!

Edit: whoops I meant Norwegian Navy

Edit 2: Thanks to commenters I have links to other people who have posted this joke! I haven’t been around very long so I didn’t know, go give them an upvote as well if you’d like!

2015:...

I found a discount code hidden in the pages of my economics textbook

Now that’s a marginal benefit

My Norwegian friend sent me a program he created...

...call that Norse code.

99 programming bugs in the code

99 programming bugs in the code.

99 programming bugs.

Take one down, patch it all up.

111 programming bugs in the code.


EDIT: FRONT PAGE! HOLY COW! Thanks so much, reddit! Credit goes to my IT teacher.
EDIT 2: WE SURPASSED 1K UPVOTES!?!?! THANKS!

Someone has a card pin code of 7541

and now that person is feeling uncomfortable

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Four surgeons

Four surgeons sit around discussing their favorite patients.



The first surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order".



The second surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everythin...

I hacked everybody and I have collected all PIN codes! Here's the list

&nbsp;

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Construction Code

A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I", then at his knee, meaning, "n...

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It’s all about the dress codes.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Ghurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Dane, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a ...

Four surgeons are talking...

Four surgeons are talking about their favorite types of patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says he prefers to operate on librarians, because when you open them up everything is in alphabetical order.

The second surgeon says he likes to operate on accountants, because everythin...

The bro code

Jill didn't come home one night. When she got home the next morning, she said she'd slept over at a girl friend's house.

Jack called ten of her best friends, but none of them said she had been there.

A week later, Jack doesn't come home. The next day, he says he spent the night at a bu...

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Everyone's saying I'm paranoid for starting these Morse code lessons

but I'm positive those woodpeckers are talking shit

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So I've been invited to the Premature Ejaculation Society's annual awards dinner. When I asked them what the dress code was...

They told me just to come in my pants.

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I asked a girl, "Do you know the zip code for sex?"

She said, "No."

I told her, "No wonder you don't have any male in your box."

What do Spanish programmers code in?

Si ++

A man in Shanghai named Sam wakes up one morning to find...

A man in Shanghai named Sam wakes up one morning to find that his car, a Mustang, has had all the internal components removed, leaving only a hollow, useless shell. He calls the police and soon an investigative team arrives.


The lead investigator approaches the victim and says "It appear...

I began speed reading, and just last night I read “The Da Vinci Code” in fifteen minutes.

I know it’s only 4 words, but it’s a start.

Emo girls be like- how much am I worth...

Girl scan the code on your wrist

I'm so good at programming I don't even need to test before I ship code.

Sent my program last week and haven't heard of any problems since!

Signed,
Richard
Junior Helicopter Auto-Pilot Software Developer

It'd be cool if Jesus was like a new code-name for Heroin...

Bunch of people addicted to taking the lord's name in vein...

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A man wins an online contest but enters the wrong email address to access the code.

He realizes that his account is on yahoo instead of gmail and now someone else has received the code to access the $5000 prize. He drives to his office disheartened and asks his secretary if he should just send an email to the account requesting the person to forward the code. Then his frustration i...

01101000011011110110010101110011 , 68 6f 65 73 , .... --- . ...

I've got hoes in codes.

What do programmers wear to an event?

Whatever is in the dress code.

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It really annoys me when Americans act like they cracked the secret of Nazi codes when they took the Enigma machine off U-751.

Whoops, wrong sub.

I heard that your mom uses her weight as her phone's pin code.

Guess that's why Apple changed it from four digits to six.

I am a builder from Sioux Falls, and I was recently in Madrid at a local tavern, and couldn’t believe the amount of code violations in their building practices. This led me to accept that they are their own culture and....

Nobody inspects the Spanish inn condition.

I coded a program to detect Al Gore’s speech by his cadences.

I used an algorithm.

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