Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its mea...

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My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code.

Last night, for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

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Use code: “THISISAFUCKINGROBBERY”

in store for a 100% Discount.

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There wasn't a dress code for the premature ejaculators meeting.

So I just came in my pants.

Did you hear about the programmer who was apprehended before he could check in his code?

He was arrested for a crime; he didn’t commit.

99 bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code. You take one down, patch it around...

129 bugs in the code.

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After twenty years of marriage, a guy suggests to his wife that they should invent a little code for when she wants sex so he doesn't have to read her mind at bedtime.

Laying in bed one night he says "So, if you want sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want sex pull, my dick hundred and ninety-eight times."

A code tester walks into the bar

He orders 2764389237498 beers.

We all know the zip code to Beverly Hills is 90210 but what’s the zip code to Dawson’s Creek?

>!Spoiler!< 90108 for our lives to be over...

I'm selling Amazon gift codes on eBay.

If anyone's interested, they are in a mint condition and only used once.

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What’s the dress code at premature ejaculation support groups?

Come as you are

I was bragging that I knew the hex code for every color, but then I forgot the one for blue

Yea, that was a big 0000FF

My code name for my bedroom is "The Bathroom"

It sure makes all the stuff I do in there sound less weird.

Two spies got caught using a book code to communicate

Clearly they weren't on the same page.

Homie: Can you do an “s” in Morse Code?

Me: ...

What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

Re-morse code.

99 little bugs in the code...

99 bugs in the code. Fix one bug, compile it down. 167 little bugs in the code....sigh.

The medical code of ethics is way too strict. Apparently, I’m not allowed to marry a patient even if we’re in a consensual relationship.

I’m really starting to hate being a veterinarian.

A newlywed couple arrived back from honeymoon to move into their tiny new flat.

"Care to go to bed?" the husband asked. "Shh!" said his blushing bride. "These walls are paper thin. The neighbours will know what you mean! Next time, ask me in code - like, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' - instead." So, the following night, the husband asks: "I don't suppose you lef...

Use this discount code to get 75% off any flight at checkout!

COVID19

What’s the best way to code the snake game?

In *python* script

A man in Shanghai named Sam wakes up one morning to find...

A man in Shanghai named Sam wakes up one morning to find that his car, a Mustang, has had all the internal components removed, leaving only a hollow, useless shell. He calls the police and soon an investigative team arrives.


The lead investigator approaches the victim and says "It appear...

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I recently started learning Morse code, but it's really hurting my sleep schedule

FUCK U TOO RAIN

Why does the Swedish navy have bar codes on the sides of their ships ?

So that when they come back to port, they can scandinavian.

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The secret code

A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!"

"Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?"

Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato to...

What's the difference between a junior software engineer and a senior software engineer?

A senior software engineer writes wrong code faster.

A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code

He refused to comment

Blowout sale!

Did you hear about the recent sale in SoHo?

People used coupon code RIOT and got 100% off.

My friend is learning to write code and he just lost an eye..

He wants to write a patch but he can’t see sharp.

Shoe Store

When I was young my parents started up a shoe store, which wasn’t overly successful but they made ends meet. Due to various economic pressures they had to outsource labour overseas to China. My father, Bob, could speak Mandarin so always conversed with the manager of the production plant in their na...

So I went to a super rich hotel and apparently they have code names for everything...

So I asked for an extra pillow and got a prositute

Now I have two prositutes and not enough pillows

If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be screwed! They'd have my bank pin #, phone unlock code, front door lock code...

...they'd even know my birth year!

I just got an invitation to my cousin's wedding

They didn't give a dress code, but I've got to assume it's a black mask event

Why was the crash test dummy put in charge of the nuclear launch codes?

They are great at demonstrating restraints.

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters

So Trump can't tweet it

I found a discount code hidden in the pages of my economics textbook

Now that’s a marginal benefit

What do you call a serious of dots and dashes that Vikings used to communicate with?

Norse Code

Kim Jong Un released a statement today

I don’t know what it said it must’ve been Morse code, all it said was *beep* *beep* *beep* *beeeeeep*

I was walking past a building site when the guy hammering the roof called me a "paranoid little weirdo"

In morse code

Chineese president Xi Jinping passed a private note to Donald Trump at their last meeting.

It was very short and Trump thought it was obviously some sort of a code that simply read: “370HSSV-0773H”

He smiled, winked at Xi Jinping and pretended he knew what it said.

Later he asked his aids who couldn’t figure it out. He called the head of the FBI and CIA and none could figur...

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It’s all about the dress codes.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Ghurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Dane, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a ...

What cheat code do you use to get into the Army?

Left, left, left, right, left

Four surgeons are discussing about who they like to operate on.

The first one says “I like to operate on librarians. When you open them up, everything is sorted alphabetically”

The second one says “I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is numbered and organized”

The third one says “I like operating on electricians. When...

Someone has a card pin code of 7541

and now that person is feeling uncomfortable

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Construction Code

A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I", then at his knee, meaning, "n...

15 Things To Do At Walmart

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/...

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I went for a Chinese last night and got chatting to the waiter.

He told me he lived in Japan during the war and was a Kamikaze pilot and his Code Name was 'Chow Mein'. I said "correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Kamikaze pilots sacrifice their own lives?"

To which he replied, "Yes but I was Chicken Chow Mein."....

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Everyone's saying I'm paranoid for starting these Morse code lessons

but I'm positive those woodpeckers are talking shit

I hacked everybody and I have collected all PIN codes! Here's the list

&nbsp;

Nows the time to buy!

Use offer code COVID19 and get an 80% discount off your next trip!

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Surgeons

The first surgeon, from New York , says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."




The second, from Chicago , responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

<...

I am a programmer. A journalist asked me what makes a software code bad. I said...

No comment

Adultery Code

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would...

A couple scientists created an AI

That seemed to be able to answer all questions. It cured cancer and even told them how to travel faster than light.one day one of the scientists asked it if there was a god. The ai asked for all of humanities information in order to answer. It was given all books ever written, all historical data an...

The Mercy just docked at the Port of LA

It's a beautiful Navy vessel with 1,000 beds, 956 Naval medical staff, and 258 Naval support staff.

With that much staff, they should really consider using Norwegian bar codes to track staff members as they move around the ship and deal with incoming patients.

That way, at the beginni...

What do Spanish programmers code in?

Si ++

It'd be cool if Jesus was like a new code-name for Heroin...

Bunch of people addicted to taking the lord's name in vein...

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A man enters a competition ( an original)

A man has three glasses of wine but he has to fight for each one for a competition. One wine glass is in a vault. One is buried underground. The last one is atop a mountain. The man is good at cracking codes and he gets through the vault door easily and drinks the glass of wine. He also is very good...

RETIRED HUSBAND After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our com...

How do sheep keep secrets?

They use bahhh-codes.

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I asked a girl, "Do you know the zip code for sex?"

She said, "No."

I told her, "No wonder you don't have any male in your box."

Why does the Norway Navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian!

Edit: whoops I meant Norwegian Navy

Edit 2: Thanks to commenters I have links to other people who have posted this joke! I haven’t been around very long so I didn’t know, go give them an upvote as well if you’d like!

2015:...

Two women approach the front door to a dads-only bar

The younger of the two asks "Mom, what the hell are we even doing?"

Mom responds "I know, it's dumb, but thanks for agreeing to come with me. My dad was very specific in his will about how his ashes would be spread. This place is number 1 on the list. He'd been coming here for the longest tim...

I'm so good at programming I don't even need to test before I ship code.

Sent my program last week and haven't heard of any problems since!

Signed,
Richard
Junior Helicopter Auto-Pilot Software Developer

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So I've been invited to the Premature Ejaculation Society's annual awards dinner. When I asked them what the dress code was...

They told me just to come in my pants.

The bro code

Jill didn't come home one night. When she got home the next morning, she said she'd slept over at a girl friend's house.

Jack called ten of her best friends, but none of them said she had been there.

A week later, Jack doesn't come home. The next day, he says he spent the night at a bu...

I heard that your mom uses her weight as her phone's pin code.

Guess that's why Apple changed it from four digits to six.

I am a builder from Sioux Falls, and I was recently in Madrid at a local tavern, and couldn’t believe the amount of code violations in their building practices. This led me to accept that they are their own culture and....

Nobody inspects the Spanish inn condition.

I began speed reading, and just last night I read “The Da Vinci Code” in fifteen minutes.

I know it’s only 4 words, but it’s a start.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Billy and his girlfriend wanted to fool around in bed, but Billy's little brother was asleep in the bottom bunk...

Billy said, "Let's use a code, so if little Johnny wakes up, he doesn't know what's going on. If you want me to go harder, say 'Tomato,' and if you want me to go faster, say 'Lettuce.'"
So Billy and his girlfriend started having sex. Billy's girlfriend started moaning, "Lettuce.... Tomato...." An...

99 programming bugs in the code

99 programming bugs in the code.

99 programming bugs.

Take one down, patch it all up.

111 programming bugs in the code.


EDIT: FRONT PAGE! HOLY COW! Thanks so much, reddit! Credit goes to my IT teacher.
EDIT 2: WE SURPASSED 1K UPVOTES!?!?! THANKS!

I tried to look up Atlanta’s area code.

All I got was 404.

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Apple breast implants

Apple is working on smart breast implants, which can adapt their shape and texture to suit your lifestyle. The iTit can be used charge your mobile devices while browsing, as cupholders, and even as a self defence device. Future app updates will include anti jiggle functions, as well as an automated ...

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It really annoys me when Americans act like they cracked the secret of Nazi codes when they took the Enigma machine off U-751.

Whoops, wrong sub.

I coded a program to detect Al Gore’s speech by his cadences.

I used an algorithm.

Got a morse code message the other day: DASH, DASH DASH, DASH DASH, DASH DOT.

It was a loss at sea.

I went to the doctor and he said you have the blood pressure of a 14 year old kid

I said great. He said, not so great, a 14 year old *American* child. You got four months to live.

Kids are so fat these days the first letters they learn in the alphabet are not ABC, it's KFC.

Kids are so fat these days they use cheat codes to play Pokemon Go.

Kids are so fat th...

What does a programmer wear?

Whatever is in the dress code.

I have a new code on my phone.

The numbers are all 3, but I'm not going to tell you in which order.

The Pentagon is in the middle of switching up their nuclear codes..

They want them to be longer, in order to make them more secure. It’s not because they’re worried about spies cracking the codes. It’s just that they want them to be over 140 characters so Trump can’t tweet them out.

If Trump is an agent of Russia, then his code name should be...

Agent Orange

Why is bad code also referred to as 'spaghetti code'?

Because it was written by IT-aliens.

Did you hear about the beaver who learned to code?

It was the best dam program ever made...

A company in my town manufactures tile discs...

but their machine can only make them so fast before it starts wrecking them. I found a function that solves the problem simply by improving the machine’s code, but they laughed when I told them I had a wrecked tile disc function.

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