A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code

He refused to comment

If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be screwed! They'd have my bank pin #, phone unlock code, front door lock code...

...they'd even know my birth year!

I'm so good at programming I don't even need to test before I ship code.

Sent my program last week and haven't heard of any problems since!

Signed,
Richard
Junior Helicopter Auto-Pilot Software Developer

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My life completely changed after I learned Morse code

Last night, for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Homie: Do you know how to write "s" in morse code?

Me: ...

I am a builder from Sioux Falls, and I was recently in Madrid at a local tavern, and couldn’t believe the amount of code violations in their building practices. This led me to accept that they are their own culture and....

Nobody inspects the Spanish inn condition.

A wave of crime is sweeping Metropolis. Superman is helpless to stop the instigator, a code-breaking enthusiast dressed in full plate armour.

Can no one save us from the Crypto-Knight?

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A man wins an online contest but enters the wrong email address to access the code.

He realizes that his account is on yahoo instead of gmail and now someone else has received the code to access the $5000 prize. He drives to his office disheartened and asks his secretary if he should just send an email to the account requesting the person to forward the code. Then his frustration i...

What do Spanish programmers code in?

Si ++

I heard that your mom uses her weight as her phone's pin code.

Guess that's why Apple changed it from four digits to six.

Everyone remembers the zip code to Beverly Hills (90210)...

...but do you remember the zip code to Dawson's Creek?


90108 (for our lives to be over)

Got a morse code message the other day: DASH, DASH DASH, DASH DASH, DASH DOT.

It was a loss at sea.

Why is bad code also referred to as 'spaghetti code'?

Because it was written by IT-aliens.

A journalist asked the master programmer how he code so fast?

"No comments."

I am a programmer. A journalist asked me what makes a software code bad. I said...

No comment

What does a programmer wear?

Whatever is in the dress code.

What cheat code do you use to get into the Army?

Left, left, left, right, left

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It really annoys me when Americans act like they cracked the secret of Nazi codes when they took the Enigma machine off U-751.

Whoops, wrong sub.

I have a new code on my phone.

The numbers are all 3, but I'm not going to tell you in which order.

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The prostate is like the Enigma code

It takes a gay man to understand it

Why does the Norway navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandanavian.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So I've been invited to the Premature Ejaculation Society's annual awards dinner. When I asked them what the dress code was...

They told me just to come in my pants.

TEXTING for over 70s,The kids have all their little SMS codes, like BFF, WTF, LOL etc. So here are some codes for the more mature...

ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friends Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
WAITT - Who Am I Talking To? ...

Did you hear about the beaver who learned to code?

It was the best dam program ever made...

99 little bugs in the code

99 little bugs. Take one down, pass it around, 483 little bugs in the code!

If Trump is an agent of Russia, then his code name should be...

Agent Orange

If one's wealth was determined by how closely one follows a moral code

Evangelicals would finally be as poor as Jesus wants them to be

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters

So Trump can't tweet it

Why does the Norway Navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian!

Edit: whoops I meant Norwegian Navy

Edit 2: Thanks to commenters I have links to other people who have posted this joke! I haven’t been around very long so I didn’t know, go give them an upvote as well if you’d like!

2015:...

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I think that the nuclear launch codes should be kept in the hands of women, and those codes should also represent the number of sexual partners they have had.

That way they will never give up the real numbers under any circumstances.

Adultery Code

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would...

I saw man and woman wrapped up in a bar code....

...I said "Are you an item?"

I began speed reading, and just last night I read “The Da Vinci Code” in fifteen minutes.

I know it’s only 4 words, but it’s a start.

The bro code

Jill didn't come home one night. When she got home the next morning, she said she'd slept over at a girl friend's house.

Jack called ten of her best friends, but none of them said she had been there.

A week later, Jack doesn't come home. The next day, he says he spent the night at a bu...

99 programming bugs in the code

99 programming bugs in the code.

99 programming bugs.

Take one down, patch it all up.

111 programming bugs in the code.


EDIT: FRONT PAGE! HOLY COW! Thanks so much, reddit! Credit goes to my IT teacher.
EDIT 2: WE SURPASSED 1K UPVOTES!?!?! THANKS!

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My friend was the head architect for a Cocaine heist. He code named it

The Big Blow Job

What’s Trump’s code name when he visits China?

Orange Chicken

Dress Code

A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his t...

The Pentagon is in the middle of switching up their nuclear codes..

They want them to be longer, in order to make them more secure. It’s not because they’re worried about spies cracking the codes. It’s just that they want them to be over 140 characters so Trump can’t tweet them out.

I used to code a lot of HTML

but now it's just some <BODY> that I used to know

They should hide the nuclear codes from Trump by putting it somewhere he would never look

In a book for example.

Why don’t they need dress codes in Kentucky?

They already have the same genes.

Why did the open source code project owner cross the road?

To git to the other side.

Why are all programmers drug addicts?

Cause they do a lot of codeine.

Tank tops shouldn't be against school dress codes

After all, we have a right to bare arms.

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following let...

Between my friends, museum is code word for Strip Clubs...

... because NO TOUCHING!!

I'm actually really happy with Trump's presidency so far.

He's had the nuclear codes for a couple of days now and hasn't tweeted them yet.

Why should you wear a condom when writing C++ code?

It's full of std vectors.

My boss asked me why I don't like to code in Python.

I just find it too constricting.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sex Code

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter.
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".
The child tol...

How do programmers from Alabama finish their code?

Roll ~

Scientist: We've successfully taught a dog Morse code!

Dog: [taps paw]


Me: What did it say??


Scientist: "Woof."

Kim Jong Un sent Donald Trump a letter...

to let him know he was still open to denuclearization. Trump opened the letter and found a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was confused, so he asked his aides to figure it out. The aides couldn't understand where the code came from, so they forwarded it to the FBI. ...

This actually just happened...

*Wife: I wanna get into coding.

*Me: Oh, that sounds fun. You might even earn some
money on the side while you're at home. What language
did you wana code in ?

*Wife: English. Duh!

007 is both James Bonds number and Russias country code, a coincidence...?

...yes, that's a coincidence.

My wife didn't finish her Morse code lessons before going sailing.

She seems to alright though she keeps sending me messages to send her an SMS but I haven't got a reply yet.

What do you call an Apple product's identification code?

A 'sirial' number.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

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My girlfriend and I use "laundry" as a code-word for sex.

Her dad asked me why I couldn't do the laundry by myself so I told him "it's a big load".

What is Bielefeld's Zip Code?

404