This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why the head of the penis is larger than the shaft.

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a mans' penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure d...

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole.…

That sentence was way too long.

Why do detectives who are really good at math get fustrated when they can't solve a case?

Because things don't add up.

I printed and taped the word “Just” in my guitar case.

I guess you could say, Just in case.

my wife asked me why i always type using lower case letters.

i said i stopped giving a shift.

People have been assuming I'm smart when they see my glasses case

but it's not until they see I store a mars bar in it they realise my true genius .

i don't agree with the usage of upper case letters

i'm an anti-capitalist

A lawyer was working in his office when Satan appeared. "I can make it so you win every case in your career and make huge piles of money. In exchange you will sell me your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, your parent's souls, your grandparent's souls, and the souls of all your friends.

The lawyer thought it over for a moment and then asked, "What's the catch?"

A man and his wife are grocery shopping.

The man sees a case of beer on one of the shelves and puts it in the cart.

“What are you doing?” asks his wife.

“They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans.” he responds.

“Well, put it back. We can’t afford those.”

Without another word, the man obeys his wife and puts the case...

What do you call it when you reprimand upper case letters?

CAPITAL PUNISHMENT

Did you hear about Quasimodo solving the murder case ?

apparently he had a hunch.

"I really don't think you have a case, sir," said the detective as my wife washed her hair and cried from the bathroom.

"How can you say that?!" I demanded. "That hairstylist is a monster!"

"Look, sir, I can't just go around arresting every barber that gives a bad haircut." He glanced at his notes. "Even if he made her 'look like Captain Kirk.'"

"I never said he made her look like Captain Kirk!" I barke...

Within minutes, the detective figured out what the murder weapon was.

It was a brief case.

Why was the weight lifter upset after lifting a case of Coke?

It was just soda pressing.

On the first day of Juvenal court, the judge was sitting down to start reviewing the day's cases.

"Bring out the first defendant," He said to the new bailiff. He left, and came back a moment later with young boy who was accused of shoplifting. He was covered in black soot, wore tattered overalls, and over-sized work boots and gloves.

The judged asked the boy why he came to court ...

One time some guy on the street tried to sell me a magical pillow case.

Turns out it was just a sham.

Case of a dead jackass

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.

He then noticed there was a jackass lying de...

Justin Case is a lucky guy...

Everyone is always doing things for him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's English class and a female teacher asks students to give her example of a sentence which contains "just in a case" in it.

The first student raises his hand and responds:

\- "There is no ongoing war, but we still keep the army, just in case"

\- "Excellent! Anybody else?" - asks the teacher.

\- "There is no fire but we still keep the fireman, just in case" - answers the other student.

Vova rai...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy opens his violin case and an AK47 falls out

His teacher screams "Tommy what the hell is that!"

Tommy stares blankly at the gun for a moment and says "oh crap my dad is gonna rob a bank with my violin"

Local Boy Stuns Courtroom in Custody Case

In Cleveland, Ohio a fifteen-year old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child cus...

The Supreme Court may decide a case to allow women to legally go topless in public to be equal to men

So far, over 3 million amicus briefs in favor of the plaintiff have been offered.

I've never lost a single case in my career

I'm the best baggage handler at LAX.

I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and told him that I want to sue the airline.

He said, “You don’t seem to have much of a case.”

I caught a really bad case of the flu in Madrid.

Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.

"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"

The doctor strolled i...

I've recently learned that I have a severe case of kleptomania.

During my episodes, I have to take something for it.

Little Timmy comes to his music lessons, but when he opens his violin case, to everyone's surprise, there is an AK-47 inside instead of a violin.

Teacher: Timmy, what on earth does this mean!? Explain yourself!

Timmy: Well Mrs. Shapiro, evidently my father must be in a bank, wearing a balaklava, and about to find out that my violin is inside the case he is carrying.

I've just written a book on how to fall down a stair case.

It's a step-by-step guide.

Did you hear John McAfee (the founder of McAfee anti-virus) is facing a court case?

The trial is expected to last 30 days.

Irish girl comes home from college and says “Mom! I got me a case of VD!”

Her mom replies “Put it in the fridge, your father will drink anything!”

So I heard Katy Perry just lost a case for stealing a bass line, and will probably lose a bit of money?

I guess you can call that a *repercussion.*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just failed a fire safety course when they asked what steps I would take in case of an explosion.

Apparently “Fucking large ones” wasn’t an acceptable answer.

A guy walks into a bar to get some work done.

Guy says to the bartender “hey, can I get the WiFi password?” Bartender says “you have to buy a drink first”. Guy grunts and says “fine, let me get a jack and coke”. Bartender comes over and gives the man his drink. Guys say “now can I have the WiFi password?” Bartender nods and say “you have to b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I want to live my next life backwards

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling and start feeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.

Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch ...

Why did the communist spell his name without an upper-case letter?

Because he hated capitalism

Police chief: Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case? Me: I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress.

Police chief: Please just wear your police uniform.

IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years...

...but they're having a really hard time putting their case together.

I’ve written a book about falling down a staircase

It’s a step by step guide

I always keep a gun on my night stand in case of an intruder

so I can shoot myself instead of meeting new people

I always bring a piece of paper to a wrestling match, just in case...

The Rock is my opponent.

a little kid at school opens a violin case...

A little kid at school opens a violin case and there is a big gun inside. The little kid says:
"I'm curious what is my father going to do in the bank with my violin..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Jimmy's teacher asks the class to come up with a moral and come to school the next day and share it.

So the next day little Suzie go's up first and says, "We had 5 eggs on my farm and only 1 hatched."
The teacher says, "Very good now what's the moral?" Little Suzie says, "Don't count your chicks before they hatch." Next the teacher calls Little Jimmy up and he says, "My uncle was a soldier in Vi...

Caillou does not have a case of leukemia.

Leukemia has a bad case of Caillou.

My wife has this unusual case of OCD where she arranges dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It is a very rare dish order.

The Alabama legislature didn’t include an exemption for cases of incest in their abortion ban.

They knew that if they had the law would only have prohibited 5% of Alabama pregnancies from being aborted.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.