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Did you hear about the new Nazi documents that have been uncovered?

They were conducting experiments involving mixing the DNA of electric eels, dogs, and captured British soldiers.

According to the plans they were quite eel-lab-brit.

Ps: sorry...

What do you call a package of documents sent via boat?

Pier to pier file transfer!

An older couple are working together in their home office and the old man figures out that he needs a specific business document out of the office safe...

As he’s looking through numerous documents, he comes across their marriage license. Instantly, he is overcome with frustration when he realizes a missing detail.

“This is terrible! There’s no expiration date on our marriage license!”

The wife turns around from her work and reaches aro...

Where does Chewbacca go to get confidential documents about his enemies?

Wookieeleaks.

Soviet era joke from my friend

A man walked into the Kremlin and told the receptionist: "I am a spy, I want to surrender to the Soviet government". The receptionist asked "Alright, what's your nationality?" "I'm American" the man replied. The receptionist checked his booklet and said "American spy, surrendering... Go to room 107....

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What do you call a woman who has sex with everyone?

I'm filling out my divorce documents

So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the...

What do you call a woman who sets her mortgage documents on fire?

Bernadette

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Do you have an email address?

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that...

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When having sex i cover my gf with excel documents..

I like to spread-that-sheet.

I heard Dwayne Johnson is filming a movie about retrieving documents from the leader of ancient Rome

It's going to be a Rock, Paper, Caesar's shoot.

Why were the classified documents crying?

They had very sensitive information.

WHY ARE THE COURT DOCUMENTS PERTAINING TO MY ILLEGAL AMPHETAMINE POSSESSION IN ALL CAPS?

It's an upper case

What does a circus performer use to read computer documents?

Adobe Acrobat.

A german man goes to Poland. Crossing the border, the guard asks reviews his documents.

Pole: Name?

German: Hans Guttermark

Pole: Age?

German: Neunundzwanzig.

Pole: Occupation?

German: *smiles* Nein, just visiting!

I was burgled last night, someone stole all my documents.

I was de-filed.

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Do I Know You?

An older couple from Detroit are driving through Florida one afternoon when they are pulled over by a state police vehicle for speeding.

The patrolman approaches the car, and asks to see the man's license and registration. His wife, who is hard of hearing, yells out "WHAT DID HE SAY??!" The ...

Why was the former CIA agent who leaked classified documents not able to leave Russia during the blizzard?

Because he was Snowden.

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Alexa, I am feeling that I want to have sex.

Alexa :
Most certainly... Don't worry. I am dimming the lights. Setting your AC to 22 C degrees.

The Viagra is kept on the top right shelf of your wardrobe. The gel is kept next to it.

I have hired your favorite Thai masseuse. She is just 12 minutes away as per her Uber ride status....

In honor of both Halloween and the release of documents on JFK's assassination

I decided to carve a pumpkin that looks like JFK's widow. It's my first Jackie O'Lantern.

Ted Cruz, according to the news, IS planning THat Either cruZ Or his aDminIstrAtion will be Compiling their documents to maKe a IntegraL poLitical announcemEnt this afteRnoon

[hope you can decrypt it]

The most shocking info that we'll get from the classified Kennedy documents will be that Lee Harvey Oswald didn't shoot the president, he ate him.

Because John F. Kennedy was a berliner.

After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning was issued by banks worldwide

CHECK CZECH CHEQUES

Why couldn't the incontinent man print his documents?

He couldn't Ctrl+P

Yesterday, three unknown men attacked our fellow citizen in the park and burnt all his documents.

Now, there are four unknown men.

What is a Word documents least favorite blood type?

Type-O

Trump is missing in action since the election, where is he?

Shredding documents

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My neighbor's wife is better than mine!

I've always felt an irresistible attraction for the neighbour next door.

One day, when speaking to her husband, he said:
"I need to have my apartment painted, but I work all day and I get tired. I tried to hire a professional painter but the guy asked me for the an arm and a leg ..."
...

My Uncle’s Joke: There was an old man who, years ago, worked for an international hauling company

He had worked there for many, many years and decided that the time had come for him to retire. He asked to be put on one last job for old times sake and the company obliged. They sent him on the longest route in the companies history, going from the UK to South Africa. After weeks and weeks on the r...

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A man visits court to ask for a name change

"Hi there, I would like to change my name, please", the man says.

"I see... Why exactly do you want to change your name?", the clerk asked.

"Well, I was named after my father but he abandoned us while I was a baby so I don't feel any connection to it."

"I understand but we can't...

So a guy walks into a bank in Manhattan and asks for the loan officer

The loan officer comes over immediately.

“How can I help you, sir?” he asks.

“I’m going out of town on business for two weeks and need to borrow $5,000,” the man answers.

The loan officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan.

So, the man ho...

I made love to a woman against her will last night.

I have a fetish for legal documents.

There was a pope who was greatly loved by all of his followers

He was a man who led with gentleness, faith, and wisdom. His passing was grieved by the entire world.

As the pope approached the Gates of heaven, St Peter greeted him in a firm embrace. "Welcome, Your Holiness. Your dedication and unselfishness in serving your fellow man during your life has...

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A lawyer was driving more than 120 miles per hour when he was stopped by a traffic cop.

"You were beyond the speed allowed. License and registration please." - said the officer.

"Well, it's expired." said the lawyer

"Documents of the vehicle please" - said the officer

"This is not my car."

"Please sir, open the glove compartment."

"I can't, there's a ...

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Have you heard about the old man's gambling problem?

An old man had a gambling problem not a bad one but a really good one. He was depositing thousands each day.

A few months pass and seeing as the old man had no job was contacted by the IRS to discuss his income.

The old man arrives with his lawyer to speak with the IRS agent. The agen...

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In hard times, a young woman turns to prostitution...

For obvious reasons, she tries to keep this hidden from her only relative, her old grandma.

One cold evening, the brothel that the prostitute works in is raided by police. All sex workers are forced to wait in a line outside to show identification and documents.

As luck would have it, ...

Ant and elephant decide to got to vacation but the elephant has no visa.

Ant comes up with a simple solution - he takes two pieces of bread and ties one of them to the back of the elephant and other to the belly.
Once they get to the border, ant presents his visa and all other documents.
When the guard asks about the papers of the elephant, ant says: "It's none of ...

I'm a professional counterfeiter.

Look, I even have the documents to prove it.

A man is given a job at the railroad

However he has no experience with trains. On his very first day he kills 200 senior citizens going around the curve at 600 miles per hour. This is all happening in Texas, and so he is sentenced to death. For his last meal he has 13 Bananas, which he eats peels and all. When they turn on the electric...

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I noticed at the bookstore that the "Kama Sutra" and "The Mueller Report" are both in the erotica section

In both documents you can see someone who's totally fucked.

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