UPJOKE
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Why won't the Republicans impeach Trump?

Because they insist on carrying a baby to full term
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Donald Trump - "I'm not orange!"

"Impeach."
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The impeachment of Trump will be a stain on his legacy

Whereas the impeachment of Clinton was the legacy of his stain.
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Why won't republicans impeach Trump?

Because they insist on carrying babies to full term.

OP is here, I heard this from a friend at work:

[https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/search?q=Because%20they%20insist%20on%20carrying%20babies%20to%20full%20term.&restrict\_sr=1&type=link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/search?q=B...
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Is it "Happy Impeachment" or "Merry Impeachment"?

I don't want to offend anyone.



Treason's Greetings and Impeach Navidad!
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Why is Donald Trump happy about the impeachment result?

Because it’s the first time he’s gotten the most votes.
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People are outside the White House protesting, screaming IMPEACH IMPEACH IMPEACH!

Trump grabs his Switch, runs outside and yells I’M BOWSER, I’M BOWSER!
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The difference between Clinton impeachment and Trump impeachment:

Clinton's started with a blowjob, Trump's ended with a blowjob.

Why is the word "impeach" so popular with Donald Trump's presidency?

Lack of a better term.
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TeamTrees reached their goal of 20,000,000 trees planted on the same day Trump got impeached.

Now millions of people can breathe easier.
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Donald J. Trump has been impeached

Finally, something he's earned
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The Democrats are trying to impeach Trump!

That's so unusual, most people don't even know what it means.
It's totally unpresidented.
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If Trump wanted to avoid impeachment...

...he should’ve falsely claimed there were WMDs in Iraq
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Why was Abraham Lincoln never impeached?

Because he is in-a-cent.
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Impeach.

Hi Peach, I'm Dad.
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Question from non American. Why did you need to impeach Trump?

I mean he already is orange... is he not?
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What do you call Trump getting impeached twice?

Unpresidented
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Trump is about to become the only President to be impeached twice

He's desperate to prove that anything a Democrat can do, he can do better and in half the time.
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Trump has more impeachments than he does social media accounts.

This joke will never get old, ever.
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A country going through an impeachment...

May be unpresidented.
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So Trump has been impeached...

He did say in his imagination speech he would do something very few presidents have.
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Why aren't all the Trump supporters out having a rally against his impeachment?

Their white sheets aren't clean from the last rally yet
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Dear God,

If you want us to impeach Trump, just give us a sign. Like blot out the sun. Anytime in the next week.

Thanks,

America.
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Why will Congress never impeach Hillary Clinton?

Because she didn't win the election.
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2/3 of all impeached presidents were done so for the same reason

for embarrassing Hillary Clinton
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Trump hates the word impeach because he has said many times before

Imorange
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I was shocked when the Republicans wouldn’t vote to convict Trump on his second impeachment.

The first time sure, they always insist a baby is carried to full term.

The second one however, shocking as they actually took care of the baby afterwards.
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Why can’t Trump be impeached?

Because he’s an orange.
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An Impeachment hearing walks into a bar..........

But with no witnesses or evidence we don't know what was ordered, or what the bartender said, so.....no punchline.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump found out about impeachment tonight coming after him.

Donald Trump: "Was she the stripper from Georgia? Write her a check."

President of South Korea Impeached.

Hopefully the USA will follow suit, and have their president deoranged.
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Trump: I got impeached just for humiliating Hillary

Bill Clinton: #metoo
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How much does presidential impeachment insurance cost?

Just one pence
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Hey Homer, did you hear about the Impeachment?

Mmmmm peach mint (drool noises)
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I don’t understand why everyone is getting so excited about Trump’s impeachment

It’s not like it’s unpresidented
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What happened to the government when the president was impeached for the first time ever?

They found themselves in an unpresidented situation.
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New president of a country is handed 3 envelopes by the previous leader.

President of a country is handed 3 numbered envelopes by the previous leader. Previous leader says "If you screw anything up, then open one of the envelopes and it will tell you what to do."

Eventually, over time, the president screws some things up. Everyone gets mad at him and threatens t...
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President Trump just compared impeachment to being lynched.

If you are expecting an apology he will leave you hanging.
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I have to say after watching the impeachment voting...

This has to be the most interesting season of the apprentice yet!
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What will the American people say to President Trump if he gets impeached?

“You’re fired!”
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I can see why evangelicals have backed Trump even through impeachment.

All three of his marriages have lasted longer then his presidency.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You guys hear that Trump’s not going to participate in his impeachment inquiry?

I heard he got phone spurs.


(Credit to Colbert)

Donald Trump isn't going to get impeached...

... if anything, he'll get imoranged
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What do trump and bowser have in common?

They’re both impeach.
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BAD NEWS

President Trump awakens one Winter morning to discover someone has peed “Impeach Trump” in the snow. He calls the Secret Service to investigate.

When they return, they tell the President that they have bad news and even worse news. The bad news is that it’s Vice President Pence’s urine. This ...
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Trump Hired Bill Clinton's Impeachment lawyer!

Just made me laugh more than many jokes i found here
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If there is one thing that democrats and republicans can agree on during this impeachment hearing...

...it's that "quid pro quo" is really fucking fun to say!

Despite what his detractors say, Donald Trump accomplished what no other U.S. President was able to do.

He got himself impeached. TWICE.
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What is the difference between a Peach and a Orange?

You can't imorange a Peach but you can impeach an Orange.
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Andrew Johnson was the first US leader to ever be impeached.

You could say it was unpresidented.
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What did Paul Manafort say after hearing Trump might get impeached?

I beg your pardon?
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Alan Dershowitz privately counselled Senate Republicans on how to handle the articles of impeachment for Donald Trump

He said “If you’re not Mitt, you must acquit.”
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US Presidents have been impeached before, but Trump may be the first to be forcefully removed from office.

To remove him would be unpresidented.
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“You were able to escape the draft, Become President and now you’re trying to avoid impeachment. How?”

“I ran”
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After the losing party refuses to accept election results, a country is teetering on the edge of a civil war.

Armed insurgents invade the capitol, threaten violence and are ultimately overpowered. But intelligence shows that they may be planning another attack.

The country’s leaders ask for advice in how to handle the violence.

The winning party yells “Impeach the outgoing president during...
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What's Donald Trump's favourite drink?

impeached ice tea
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What’s the difference between Trump and Mario?

Trump was impeached, Mario was in Peach
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I'm starting to think the Whitehouse is a fruit stand.

An orange is being impeached because he's bananas!
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In the 1970s, as manager of Baskin Robbins', my mom was tasked to create new flavors related to Richard Nixon...

Her choices, as she told me, were 'ImPeachments & Cream' and 'Watermelon-Gate' (as a sorbet).



Both were denied.

This is actually true.
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In honor of Trump's last night as president, tonight I'll be making...

Lame Duck A L'Orange, and for dessert, ImPEACHment Cobbler.
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What's the nightmare of a president who is allergic to stone fruit?

Impeachment
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Donald Trump’s last words in office:

« I’m not Orange, Impeached. »
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I know the pandemic is causing people to struggle financially, but honestly, I'm making a fortune.

I rent out bookcases to be installed behind everyone doing a TV interview about either Covid or the Impeachment process.
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I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.

Find yourself a woman who holds you as tight as Nancy Pelosi holds her impeachment articles
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What is the funniest way you could end the greatest joke in United States history?

Impeachment
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Heights of grandiose delusions!

Two criminals (fighting to save their careers) - one dumb and impeached, another indicted - revealing a Middle East “Peace” plan!!
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What is a south Koreans favorite fruit?

An impeach.
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Chris Christie's Favorite New Dessert???

Impeach Cobbler
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Why does Trump go bananas on the media?

Because they are trying to orange his impeachment.
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Did you hear about the president that cheated on his wife with a piece of fruit?

He was impeached
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Three former sorority sisters meet up for a reunion homecoming game and start talking about life has treated them since college.

The first says that she couldn't be happier. She married a man who owns a Mercedes Benz car dealership. They live in a beautiful home, she drives whatever new Mercedes that strikes her fancy, and they are living a life of luxury.

The second mentions that her husband was just a councilman in t...
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Donny is getting worried about his future as President.

He decides to call the world leaders he most admires. He makes a conference call to Putin, Kim Jong-un,and Rodrigo Duterte.

"Guys, next to me, you are the greatest leaders in the world. What can I do to stop from getting impeached?"

There is a lot of talking between them and then Vlad ...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An idiot walks into a bar

and overhears the patrons in an excited hoo-hah over which among them was the luckiest.

One among them quieted all to say, "I met a beautiful woman last night! Within hours, I took her back to my home and we did the nasty like old chums!"

The crowd applauded and agreed he was luck...

Joke Archeology -- who's heard an older version of this often recycled joke?

I heard this one the first time back in the early 70's.

Richard Nixon and Henry Kissinger were giving a young hippie hitchhiker a ride home in Air Force One from the Camp David Area, they started having engine trouble, unfortunately there were only four parachutes and the drafted pilots ju...
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The Pope goes to Washington DC.

He's there to cure the sick, heal the masses, and all those Pope type things he does.

Donald Trump comes up to him and says, "Please Your Holiness, can you help me with my hearing?"

The Pope then placed his hands over Trump's ears and blessed him.

"Well that's all well and go...
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A guy is driving past the White House....

...and he sees that the road is blocked, but they are letting cars through one at a time. There are crowds on the sidewalk, shouting, but he can't hear what's being said.

Finally he gets to the roadblock, and rolls down his window. "What's going on?" he asks.

"Donald Trump has had ...
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Bad Traffic

A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's moving."

He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "E...
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So this farmer named Juan wants to run for city council.

He notices his small town is going downhill and wants to make a difference. He asks his wife what his slogan should be and she says: "Well you don't beat me, the kids, or your cow, so use that."

So Juan runs for city council using the slogan: "I don't beat my wife, I don't beat my kids, I don...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My name is Juan

Juan was the custodian at a local grade school. Everyone loved Juan. He was so sweet and compassionate with the kids and did a wonderful job. One day the principal came up to Juan and said:

“You know Juan, you care about this school so much, maybe you should run for the board of education”...

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