UPJOKE
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Why did the coffee lose the lawsuit?

Because it had no legal grounds

How do you celebrate winning a lawsuit over a fake injury?

You drink sham-pain.

I invented a new word.

Plagiarism.

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EDIT : This joke was invented by me and copyrighted. Dare to take it and a lawsuit shall find you.

Why don't lawsuits last very long?

Because most lawyers have briefcases.

I’m worried about this lawsuit against Madison Cawthorn.

I just don’t see him walking away from this one.

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An upset man has filed a lawsuit against Nirvana over the band's iconic 1991 album cover.

Sounds like a baby just trying to grab some money.

Why do lawsuits against sand and silt never make it to court?

Sediment always settles

Judge threw out a lawsuit against Starbucks

said the Plaintiff had no grounds.

What happens when you win a lawsuit against Planet Fitness?

Heads explode because you've just won a judgement against the judgement free zone.

How did the geologist win his lawsuit?

By taking advantage of the quartz system.

A friend just got an intellectual property lawsuit filed against him.

He told a «your mother» joke to someone, and the target of it claimed he’d come up with that joke first, and demanded compensation.

I have no idea which way it’ll swing, but I’m gonna bring popcorn to the trial where a judge decided whether someone’s mother is fair use or public domain…

A deaf guy lost a lawsuit.

He didn't even know that there was a hearing.

After major accidents with lots of preventable injuries, there’s always a wave of lawsuits.

The sue-nami.

A man who has a lawsuit with Folgers

has grounds to sue.

What do you call a lawsuit against a zombie?

Deceased and desist

Donald Trump’s lawsuits are like his regular suits,

They all hang on something useless.

A Defendant in a Lawsuit . . .

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!"

"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.

"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"

"No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stu...

I'm organizing a class action lawsuit against Huggies and Pampers.

Their diapers never hold the 22-37 pounds they advertise.

Did you hear about the latest Calvin Klein Lawsuit?

Yeah - but it wasn't much of a suit. It was actually a brief case.

My short lived lawsuit against the airport baggage claim was thrown out

They made another brief case disappear

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Caitlyn Jenner is filing a Lawsuit for Sexual Harassment...

Claims that she's Constantly being Groped by Bruce Jenner.

What kind of clothing do Karens wear?

A lawsuit.

Why is NASA having a lawsuit filed against them from animal protection?

...because curiosty killed the cat

The toughest part about being an opera conductor is people calling you after each performance and asking you to send them photos of your pianist.

So many lawsuits...

A lawyer walked into the courtroom wearing nothing but his underwear and asked, "Can we please postpone the trial?"

The judge replied, "Of course! How can we start when you've forgotten your lawsuit?"

I read the other day that Penn State has spent $237 million defending the university during the Sandusky lawsuit. Think of how many peoples’ education that would pay for.

At least 4 or 5.

If you're going to file a lawsuit against the Federal Reserve what medicine should you take?

Sudafed

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A group of golfers get stuck behind a really slow group

Four golfers (a doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer) are stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. They start to get frustrated, so they call up the course's pro.

"Hey, how come you're letting guys like this on the course? They're hitting their balls all over the place, spending wa...

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

You can actually file a lawsuit against the federal government in the United States. It's a myth that you can't. All you have to do is simply take some specific medication.

And that medication, my friends, is Sudafed®

If you walk outside naked, You'll return with a suit.

Not just any suit, A lawsuit.

The serial killer who used his car to run over people has finally been arrested

According to lawsuit analysts, he musthang.

Asiana Airlines will be filing a lawsuit against KTVU for its inappropriate and racist names that were falsely broadcasted mid day Friday 7/12...

....said Asiana's attorney Wi Su Yu

Legal ramifications of roaming livestock

An issue/nuisance some farmers encounter is roaming livestock. For example, a farmer could lose some money if his neighbor’s livestock graze on his land and eat or trample on his crops. In the US, many states have enacted laws to address this issue, deferring the scheme to individual counties.
...

Person One: [To a crowd] “Help! This is an emergency. Is anyone here a doctor?”

Person One: \[To a crowd\] “Help! This is an emergency. Is anyone here a doctor?”

Person Two: “I’m a doctor but I’m afraid of frivolous lawsuits.”

Person Three: “I’m a lawyer and I have a contract here that can protect you against most allegations of malpractice. But it will need to be...

I got sent to court over a missing tuxedo

Long story short, I lost the lawsuit as well

Bull

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice ...

iSpy

iSpy, with my little "i" a lawsuit from Apple for trademark infringement.

A brilliant inventor creates a brand new type of leather.

This leather is such an amazing product, the inventor is convinced he's made his legacy. He starts a company that manufactures clothes made out of this new leather material, and it instantly becomes a massive success. Everybody went crazy for their products, and the company's leather jeans in parti...

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Factual Headlines

Day 1: A famous priest arrives in Seattle airport gets accosted by a reporting asking, "Sir, what are your thoughts about Seattle prostitutes?"

The priest responded, "There are prostitutes in Seattle?"

*News headline the next day: "Famed priest asks about prostitutes upon arriving Seat...

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I ran over my neighbors cat this morning

I was running late for work and as I’m rushing out of the house I backed up without checking my surroundings. To my surprise I felt a bump and heard a yelp.

I get out of my car and instantly recognized my neighbors cat — I felt terrible. Feeling it was the right thing to do, I went and grabb...

A Well-Argued Court Case

The beauty of a language and the art of constructing the words of the language significantly lead to their meaning. This is not a case of twisting, but of the refined manner of presentation by witty minds. A good case for reference.

One evening, after attending the theatre, two gentlemen were...

Flux Capacitor

Part of me feels really bad about this. I mean he's only a kid. He's really too young to understand what I did to him. But do it to him I did. I 121G’d the lad.

I went into an O’Reilly’s store last week to pick up some wiper blades. I had this young kid helping me. He made a comment about how...

TIL of an odd political problem in Colorado.

Cattle has long been the number one agricultural product of Colorado, but the recent legalization of marijuana is causing significant and unforeseen problems.

Apparently, cows love marijuana as much as people, and cattle ranches and nearby marijuana farms are on the brink of open warfare. Co...

Czech Lawyer

A lawyer and his Czech friend were camping in a backwoods section of Montana. One morning, the two went out to pick berries for their breakfast. They went gathering berries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears, a male and a female. The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed ...

Joe and his tractors

So there's this guy named Joe. For years Joe loved tractors. He was obsessed with them. He had tractor posters, tractor calendars, tractor bedsheets, tractor wallpaper, tractor simulators. Anyways one day Joe is at the annual tractor convention in LA and he sees the brand new XJ54330 tractor. It's t...

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THE RULES OF THE ANCIENT AND HONORABLE GAME OF INDOOR GOLF

Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play -- normally one club and two balls.

Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.

For most effective play, the...

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