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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

Donald Trump’s lawsuits are like his regular suits,

They all hang on something useless.

What did Giuliani say when asked if he was going to file more lawsuits?

Darn tootin'

Another Lawyer Joke

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!"
"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.
"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"
"No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt lik...

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A group of golfers get stuck behind a really slow group

Four golfers (a doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer) are stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. They start to get frustrated, so they call up the course's pro.

"Hey, how come you're letting guys like this on the course? They're hitting their balls all over the place, spending wa...

You can actually file a lawsuit against the federal government in the United States. It's a myth that you can't. All you have to do is simply take some specific medication.

And that medication, my friends, is Sudafed®

What does a judge wear to work?

A lawsuit

How has there not been a class action lawsuit against the major diaper companies?

Those things have never held the 22-37 pounds they advertise.

Why do lawsuits against sand and silt never make it to court?

Sediment always settles

One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well-dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them.

One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $250.00 to spend the night with that woman." Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark, turned around, and replied, "I'll take you up on that offer."


She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after biddin...

What's the best thing to wear to court?

A lawsuit.

What kind of clothing do Karens wear?

A lawsuit.

A deaf guy lost a lawsuit.

He didn't even know that there was a hearing.

I read the other day that Penn State has spent $237 million defending the university during the Sandusky lawsuit. Think of how many peoples’ education that would pay for.

At least 4 or 5.

What happens when you win a lawsuit against Planet Fitness?

Heads explode because you've just won a judgement against the judgement free zone.

My short lived lawsuit against the airport baggage claim was thrown out

They made another brief case disappear

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I ran over my neighbors cat this morning

I was running late for work and as I’m rushing out of the house I backed up without checking my surroundings. To my surprise I felt a bump and heard a yelp.

I get out of my car and instantly recognized my neighbors cat — I felt terrible. Feeling it was the right thing to do, I went and grabb...

A man who has a lawsuit with Folgers

has grounds to sue.

I miss the days when 2 Nintendo employees would show up at your house to play Wii

Now they just show up with a lawsuit and a court order.

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Caitlyn Jenner is filing a Lawsuit for Sexual Harassment...

Claims that she's Constantly being Groped by Bruce Jenner.

Judge threw out a lawsuit against Starbucks

said the Plaintiff had no grounds.

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Factual Headlines

Day 1: A famous priest arrives in Seattle airport gets accosted by a reporting asking, "Sir, what are your thoughts about Seattle prostitutes?"

The priest responded, "There are prostitutes in Seattle?"

*News headline the next day: "Famed priest asks about prostitutes upon arriving Seat...

I got sent to court over a missing tuxedo

Long story short, I lost the lawsuit as well

There is no way Facebook is losing the lawsuit

Atleast not after knowing the behavioral profiles of the judicial panel

How did the geologist win his lawsuit?

By taking advantage of the quartz system.

What do you call a lawsuit against a zombie?

Deceased and desist

Did you hear about the latest Calvin Klein Lawsuit?

Yeah - but it wasn't much of a suit. It was actually a brief case.

Why is NASA having a lawsuit filed against them from animal protection?

...because curiosty killed the cat

What does a lawyer wear when he goes to the pool?

A lawsuit

I invented a new word.

Plagiarism.

---

EDIT : This joke was invented by me and copyrighted. Dare to take it and a lawsuit shall find you.

Asiana Airlines will be filing a lawsuit against KTVU for its inappropriate and racist names that were falsely broadcasted mid day Friday 7/12...

....said Asiana's attorney Wi Su Yu

My lawyer has such a good sense of fashion, he wins every court case

He really puts on the best lawsuits.

A brilliant inventor creates a brand new type of leather.

This leather is such an amazing product, the inventor is convinced he's made his legacy. He starts a company that manufactures clothes made out of this new leather material, and it instantly becomes a massive success. Everybody went crazy for their products, and the company's leather jeans in parti...

What's an American's favourite clothing?

A lawsuit

What is the name of the uniform that judges wear?

Lawsuit.

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Did you hear about that group of women suing their plastic surgeon for faulty butt implants? Apparently their cheeks wont stop smacking together now...

It's a real ass claption lawsuit.

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A man lost his penis in a car accident...

He's obviously devastated. Although a lawsuit after the accident wins him £9000. During a check up with the doctor he is offered an experimental procedure. They can read build his penis at the price of £1000 per inch. Extatic, he tells the doctor he will discuss it with his wife and return tomorrow ...

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THE RULES OF THE ANCIENT AND HONORABLE GAME OF INDOOR GOLF

Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play -- normally one club and two balls.

Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.

For most effective play, the...

Money-Minded Lawyer

A man walked into a lawyer's office and asked, "Sir, may I know how much you charge for a case or lawsuit?"

"A hundred dollars for every 3 questions," said the lawyer.

"What the heck? Isn't that really expensive?" the man asked.

"Yes, and what is your 3rd question?" the lawyer r...

Why was the new lawyer not too fond of his work outfit?

He wasn't comfortable being in a lawsuit yet.

A big-city lawyer was representing.....

......the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room ...

TIL of an odd political problem in Colorado.

Cattle has long been the number one agricultural product of Colorado, but the recent legalization of marijuana is causing significant and unforeseen problems.

Apparently, cows love marijuana as much as people, and cattle ranches and nearby marijuana farms are on the brink of open warfare. Co...

A lawyer walks into a courtroom without a shirt

Lawyer: "Can we please postpone this trial?"

Judge: "Of course, how can we start the trial when you've forgotten your lawsuit!"

Czech Lawyer

A lawyer and his Czech friend were camping in a backwoods section of Montana. One morning, the two went out to pick berries for their breakfast. They went gathering berries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears, a male and a female. The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed ...

What do female acquaintances of Donald Trump wear?

Lawsuits

Joe and his tractors

So there's this guy named Joe. For years Joe loved tractors. He was obsessed with them. He had tractor posters, tractor calendars, tractor bedsheets, tractor wallpaper, tractor simulators. Anyways one day Joe is at the annual tractor convention in LA and he sees the brand new XJ54330 tractor. It's t...

A Mechanical Engineer goes to Hell...

One day a mechanical engineer woke up dead, and found himself in Hell, where he was greeted by Satan himself. Satan welcomed him to the place and asked him if there were any questions? After quickly looking around, the ME asked about the really beautiful island out in the lava floe, and asked why no...

iSpy

iSpy, with my little "i" a lawsuit from Apple for trademark infringement.

A gangrene infection

A doctor at a hospital was out back on a smoke break and noticed a man standing at the nearby dumpster. He approached the man to make sure everything was ok and noticed that this man was suffering from a gangrene infection on his leg. Being a caring doctor, he invites the man into the hospital to ha...

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