Why haven't aliens come to our solar system yet?

They read the reviews,

One star

Who the heck cares about learning the Roman Numeral system?

I for one...

We were fed lies by our education system saying that there are only four faces carved in Mount Rushmore.

How can they miss John Cena and The Rock.

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pa system: attention shoppers, the store will be closing in five hours

**sloth:** oh shit oh shit

Did you know that all the planets in the solar system are named after a god,

Except earth, which is named after all that stuff on the ground.

People can't seem to distinguish the male reproductive system from the female...

But I would say there's a vas deferens, and no womb for argument.

Why has our solar system never been visited by aliens?

Bad reviews; only one star.

Credit's to Sebastion Elytron; where ever you may be.

Studies have shown that American youth has already started using the metric system

Nowadays you can even find students from various schools in America using 9mm

Did you guys hear that the USPS system is backlogged by a week or two?

I just got the news from my mailman.

What's your favorite numbering system?

I, for one, like Roman Numerals.

Everyone in Hawaii is mad about the malfunction of the early warning system. Those fools.

Hawaii IS the early warning system.

If Russia interfered in USA elections, that proves the system works just a little

At least someone's vote counts

What is something with 8 eyes, 8 legs, and 8 hands?

8 pirates

My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him.

Edit: Look, I don't want to be one of those redditors who say 'thank's for the gold kind stranger' every time they get awarded, but after seeing this post rise I get it why they do that. For me, whose posts never g...

My anatomy class is covering the nervous system and I don't get any of this stuff.

It's so nerve-wracking.

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My anatomy class is currently covering the skeletal system and my professor is being unreasonable with the amount of material we need to know so I made an office hour appointment to speak with him.

You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.

I'm using an operating system to wipe out half of the population in this universe...

It's called ThanOS

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Playgrounds in the UK have been fitted with advanced paedophile detection systems to help protect children

The company behind the technology has called it NonceSense™

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My wife is deaf and we worked out a nice system of signals for when we want to have sex.

If I want sex, I'll tap her on the butt once. If no sex, tap her twice. If she wants to have sex, she pulls my dick once. If she doesn't want to have sex, she pulls my dick 452 times.
Copied comment from u/TooShiftyForYou from r/videos

In America, using the metric system can get you in legal trouble

In fact, if you sneer at any other method of measuring liquids, you may be held in contempt of quart.

Imagine the US switched to the metric system.

Everyone would be kilogramming your mom.

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There is a new toilet system being trialled.

It has a built in Internet connection.

It will automatically post your shit on Facebook, Twitter and TikTok.

My immune system is racist

Every time it finds a foreign body it tries to eliminate it.

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A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan.

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of nowhere.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no bed, no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon and the dirt on the floor.

The next morning he wakes up to fi...

My alarm system kept breaking down

The alarm system kept breaking down so, instead of repairing it I decided to get a guard dog instead.

I went to the pet store and the shopkeeper showed me a lot of breeds to choose from. A Rottweiler, a German Shepherd, A Doberman, but there was this one tiny little pug that caught my eye. I...

Teachers from other countries make fun of the US education system

Sure, we don’t teach evolution everywhere, but I don’t see your countries volunteering to demonstrate natural selection in schools across the country.

I think Saturn's name is the best in our solar system

It has a nice ring to it

What do you call an operating system inspired by the Mother/Earthbound series that also doubles as a cry for help?

A Ness OS

Why doesn't America use the metric system?

They have a foot fetish

What’s Darth Vader favourite measurement system?

The Imperial System

How does the solar system organize a party?

**They planet!**

My air conditioning system is very simple to operate

It's a breeze.

"Social credit system , censorship of any info that does not fit their narrative , Demonization of people with wrong think " You know who I am talking about.

Reddit

My neighbor sells home security systems door to door. He's pretty good at it too.

If nobody's home he just leaves a brochure on the kitchen table.

What was the Soviet Union's favorite videogame system?

The Nintendo We

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My bodies digestive system has been backed up for some time

My body isn't giving a shit

My Boss, always badgering me to keep the HVAC system on.

It's exhausting!

Why are most solar systems bad business partners?

Most are rated one star and even the best only have three.

What was the dyslexic kids favourite video game system?

Nintendo 46

How would you write “I changed a light bulb” on your resume?

Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.

Why are people who use the metric system so good at computer science?

Because they are pro-grammers.

It’s amazing how popular Instagram is in America.

Didn’t think they liked the metric system.

The American education system obviously listens to Pink Floyd…

…they've left those kids a loan.

A new air filtration system has probably been the biggest waste of money I've had.

It just sits there and collects dust.

What Asian stereo type do you hear the most?

Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system.

A Nigerian Governor wants to paint the Government house.

A Nigerian Governor wants to paint the Government house. He calls for quotation....
Chinese guy quoted 3 million.
European guy quoted 7 million.
Nigerian guy quoted 10 million.
The Governor asked the chinese guy.."..
how did u quote 3 million..?"
Chinese guy replied .."1 million ...

Poor planning?

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "it was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "no, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The l...

I got COVID-19 and it took 10 days for my immune system to finally fight it off.

Longest anything made in China's lasted for me.

Little known fact #376: In Norway they have problems with herds of wild horses destroying the delicate eco systems around their narrow inlets.

They plan to start exporting Fjord Mustangs.

Why were older computers heavier?

Because they used a FAT file system!

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A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.

In response the doctor said, “When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try startling yourself.”

On the way home the man went to a gun store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he ran home to his wife. When he got home he was surprised and delighted to find...

One thing I have noticed over the last few months is that I’m sick only on weekdays.

It must be my weekend immune system.

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a monkey.

The shop owner points to 3 identical looking monkeys on a perch and says the monkey on the left cost $ 500.00

Why does that one cost so much? asked the shopper.

The owner says well the monkey knows how to use a computer.

The man then asks about the next monkey and was told that ...

The roman numeral system has always been confusing to me.

I will never understand why they use I, for one, but not V for Vendetta.

The CEO of Pepsi was fired today.

They found traces of Coke in his system.

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A Western Omelet

A retired man walks into his favorite diner after it just reopened from a long COVID-19 shuttering, eager to resume his daily routine of breakfast, coffee and reading the newspaper. A new waitress approaches greets him and explains that new contactless policy that eliminates the old plastic laminate...

A Man goes to a bar with his friend at his friend favourite bar after they are few drinks down someone yells 26

Everyone starts laughing including his friend and this guy is confused he asks his friend what's happening before his friend can answer someone else shouts 94 everyone including his friend is in splits now the guy starts getting really confused. After few moments of silence someone says 153 eve...

An Engineer goes to Hell.

The first thing he notices is, it's awful hot. So he goes and checks the A/C system, and notices a missing belt. He replaces it, and soon it's a cool 78F.

The next thing he notices, is that all the TVs are showing nothing but static. He checks the satellite dish, and sees it's misaligned. He...

Me and a homeschooler got into an argument about the education system.

He went on a rant about how education in America is broken and asked me, "who's running the education system?"

"Your mom," I replied.

Two women buy three pieces of cake for two Euros each

The bakery clerk says: "That makes five Euros."

One woman to the other: "You can say anything against the school system, but it is consumer-friendly."

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Your penis so small....

That when you put it in a girl her immune system tries to fight it.

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Scientists say masturbating improves the immune system.

Use that information at your own wrist.

Old Egyptian joke

In Egypt, the election system used to be that people would vote yes or no to the current president to determine wether elections were going to happen or not. The day before the polls everyone would hang signs saying yes to the president. But one man decides to vote no.


Later that night,...

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Carl is in the 10th year of a life sentence when he gets a new cellmate, Jim. After taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.

“You see," Carl says "for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and it comes out broken down into it's components.”

Jim is skeptical, but intrigued.

Carl continues, "For the last five years, I've been swallowing piec...

I am 100% behind Christianity and Biblical study being a part of the American education system

This way, we will have a steady production of atheists.

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Millionaire marriage proposal

A bachelor Chinese millionaire is on a business trip in Los Angeles. He has had very bad luck finding the perfect bride in China and had given up hope of getting married. During his business presentation, he sees the perfect bride for him -- she is an intelligent, tall, slender single brunette wit...

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Reddit upvote system reminds me of my sex life.

The first one free after that you gotta actually try

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The sex system

A married couple wanted it to be less embarrassing to ask each other for sex when one or the other does not want to do it. So they worked out a system. The wife says "Ok if you wanna have sex reach over and tug my breast one time, if you don't, tug two times." The husband says "Ok then, same for me,...

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A politician ends up in hell.

So a politician ends up in hell.
The devil looks at him and say “mmm never had one of your types down here before. You’re the first one God sent down here. But based on your past record on earth, you definitely belong down here”

With in a matter of weeks the politician starts to weasel hi...

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A notorious loan shark is driving drunk one night...

As he's speeding down some curvy mountain roads, the shark loses control of the vehicle and crashes head-on into a tree.

When he comes to, the man finds himself lying on a sofa in a fairly modest looking waiting room. Dizzy, he looks around and sees what appears to be a reception desk at the ...

Why did the waiter's computer system not work?

Because of a server error.

How do American schoolkids learn the metric system?

9 millimeters at a time

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A survey said that people that sleep with their pets get less allergies and helps the immune system and they live longer.

Bullshit... I tried sleeping with my goldfish and nearly drowned.

An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and a civil engineer are discussing the nature of God

"God is an electrical engineer" says the EE. "Look at the nervous system! It's all electrical impulses."

"Nonsense," says the ME. "God's a mechanical engineer. Look at the muscles and bones. That's mechnical engineering."

The civil engineer demurs.

"God is a civil engineer. Who ...

A well known rule of three

Long ago, on a different geometric planet, there were many perfectly triangular lakes. On each lake were three kingdoms, each presided over by a trio of higher beings. One particular lake has an interesting story. Though the kingdoms on it started out peacefully, each settling their dispute with ano...

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Jungle snooker. (Long Old joke, but then I’m old so you may not have heard it)

An elephant, a crocodile and a snake met by a riverbank, they had known each other for years and were pals. How about a game ? said the crocodile and the others agreed. Jungle snooker? Asked the elephant. Don’t know that one said the snake, how’s it played? Well said the elephant it’s like table ...

What do you get when you listen to "Toxicity" too many times?

System of a Down Syndrome.

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What's the difference between a prostitute and the American health system?

Nothing. They both f*ck around with you and do absolutely nothing unless you pay them.

An immunologist and a cardiologist are kidnapped...

An immunologist and a cardiologist are kidnapped. The kidnappers threaten to shoot one of them, but promise to spare whoever has made the greater contribution to humanity. The cardiologist says, “Well, I’ve identified drugs that have saved the lives of millions of people.” Impressed, the kidnappers ...

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Mr. Johnson joined a bowling team. "We meet at 8:00 every Saturday morning," said the captain. "Okay," said Mr. Johnson, "but I might be five minutes late for the first game."

That Saturday, Mr. Johnson arrived at exactly 8:00 and bowled a turkey with his right hand. When he left the bowling alley, he said, "Next week, I might be five minutes late."

The next Saturday, Mr. Johnson arrived at exactly 8:00 and bowled a six-pack with his left hand. When he left the bow...

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I majored in Exercise Science in college..

In one of my earliest classes, my professor explained the principal of "use it or lose it". Basically, if you don't work out and stress your muscles and nervous system on a relatively frequent basis, as you get older your muscles, reflexes, and overall abilities will diminish over time. She tells th...

Shredder finally defeated the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

All he had to do is to throw a box of plastic straws to the sewer system.

1 person in every 10 doesn't understand the binary number system.

The other guy is fine with it.

An ancient aquatic system older than the pyramids has been revealed by the Australian bushfires

Australian scientists are thinking about naming them 'rivers.'

There are 10 types of people

Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

The other 8 are able to appreciate that binary is a numeric system that most people don’t properly understand and therefore the assumption in this joke is that there will be ten types of people, not two.

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I was fired for bringing peanut butter cups to work

I blame systemic Reesism.

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A man goes to see a doctor about his excretory system...

The doctor asks “what’s going on”, the man responds “I haven’t been able to poop in forever”. The doctor gives him a diagnoses and says

“Your full of shit!”

China Two Party System

Taiwan and China

Signed, Hong Kong

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I spent the past four years in Yale.

Now I can’t even get a yob as a yanitor. Fucking yudicial system.

Why does the brain experience so much anxiety?

Because it’s part of the nervous system

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I take medication for my digestive system.

It’s a shitshow when that stuff wears off.

A man joined the Navy and was stationed on a sub

A man went to the Navy and was stationed on a sub.

This submarine had a system in which service members were stationed at a certain place.

On the third day of his career, he was moved to a different station for work.

On the fourth day, it happened again.

On the fifth day,...

What do you call an average audio system?

Stereotypical

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

The Soviet gulags were fairer than the US justice system!

Everyone in the USSR had an equal opportunity to go there whether they committed a crime or not, and that is *fair*!

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Three engineers argue what kind of god created the human body

The first one said: "God must be a mechanical engineer. Check out all the joints"

The second one said: "God must be an electrical engineer. Check out the nervous system."

And the third one said: "God is definitely a foundations engineer. Who else would put a waste pipe in the sex distr...

The American school system is very disorganised and poorly run

I guess school really does prepare you for the real world

I think a lot of linux package handling systems are not good enough for the task.

But the one with Ubuntu is apt.

Ludacris's mansion boasts the world's largest sprinkler system. It's so large...

He's got hose in different area codes.

I used to sell home security systems.

It was super easy.

I went door to door and If the customer wasn't home, I'd just leave my brochure and business card on their dining room table.

What is the only system of government that works exactly how it's supposed to?

anarchy.

What did the digestive system say to the excretory system...

...urine for a treat!

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