Why haven’t aliens visited our solar system yet?

They checked the reviews.. only 1 star

My friend can’t decide what video game system to get for Christmas ...

... Nobody can console him.

Aliens refuse to visit Earth because they've looked up our solar system...

and it has a 1-star rating.

We Americans know how to embrace the metric system

I'm an American. When I was a kid, my Dad told me, "The metric system is gonna be big. Support it and use it - the whole nine yards - every inch of the way."

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*Nsfw* The military is cutting staff and decide to get rid of three generals. One from the Army, the Airforce, and the Marines.

All of them are old, grizzled men who had seen their fair share of war, so the Pentagon comes up with a unique bonus system for their service. They can choose two points of their bodies and for every inch between them they would get 10k.

First up was the Army general. He chose to measure betw...

It tells you something about a school system

When grown up people need days to count some paper slips.

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An man was in the hospital for a series of tests... ... the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and paced frantically trying to think of a plan. Knowing his cute young nurse was about to come in the door at any moment, he hastily gathered up ...

You know, if I had to rate our solar system

I’d probably give it one star

What measuring system would darth Vader use?

The imperial system.

What's a narcissists' favorite operating system?

Windows Me

I think Saturn's name is the best in our solar system

It has a nice ring to it.

Enterprise maintenance log, stardate 2259.55: Today, the main sewage system got jammed by the captain's log again.

Medical promised to recommend a change to his diet.

There’s a contest going around and if you win 1st place you get a whole solar system named after you

Second place is just a constellation prize

i saw an ad for a cheap home sound system with the volume stucked on high

I couldn’t turn it down

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

I tried to design a facial recognition system.



But it just wasn't me.

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So I did some research...

and Chinese people like listening to music on their phones with earbuds, black people like portable speakers, Mexicans prefer cheaper systems in their home with big speakers and white people like higher end but compact systems...

Sorry, I guess I shouldn't be discussing racial stereo types.

An Alien visited the Solar system and ate Jupiter. When asked how it was the Alien replied simply:

"Gastronomical."

Who the heck cares about learning the Roman Numeral system?

I for one...

Damn girl, are you the education system?

Cause I want to fall through the cracks.

Studies have shown that American youth has already started using the metric system

Nowadays you can even find students from various schools in America using 9mm

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TIL Hell is just Heaven’s Sewer System

Holy Shit!

What's your favorite numbering system?

I, for one, like Roman Numerals.

Everyone in Hawaii is mad about the malfunction of the early warning system. Those fools.

Hawaii IS the early warning system.

Why has our solar system never been visited by aliens?

Bad reviews; only one star.

Credit's to Sebastion Elytron; where ever you may be.

We were fed lies by our education system saying that there are only four faces carved in Mount Rushmore.

How can they miss John Cena and The Rock.

By best friend just made fun of me after I got struck by lightning and had my nervous system damaged

And I must say, it really struck a nerve with me

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge...

‟I should be in charge,” said the brain , ‟Because I run all the body‘s systems, so without me nothing would happen.”


‟I should be in charge,” said the blood , ‟Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you‘d waste away.”


‟I should be in charge,” said the stomach,‟ Bec...

Hopefully, Biden will never be the leader of my country

Because if he is, something‘s gone wrong with the Canadian legal system

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pa system: attention shoppers, the store will be closing in five hours

**sloth:** oh shit oh shit

My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”

I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”

Did you know that all the planets in the solar system are named after a god,

Except earth, which is named after all that stuff on the ground.

Did you guys hear that the USPS system is backlogged by a week or two?

I just got the news from my mailman.

People can't seem to distinguish the male reproductive system from the female...

But I would say there's a vas deferens, and no womb for argument.

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10 Husbands, Still a Virgin.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, ‟Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin.”

‟What?” said the puzzled groom.

‟How can that be if you've been married ten times?”

‟Well, Husband #1 was a sal...

I was seriously depressed after a recent loss. My GF bought me an Xbox

But that didn't help. So she tried a Playstation - no luck there either. She ended up going through everything from a Sega Master System to a Nintendo Switch, but nothing helped - turns out I was just inconsolable

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My anatomy class is currently covering the skeletal system and my professor is being unreasonable with the amount of material we need to know so I made an office hour appointment to speak with him.

You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.

I'm using an operating system to wipe out half of the population in this universe...

It's called ThanOS

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My wife is deaf and we worked out a nice system of signals for when we want to have sex.

If I want sex, I'll tap her on the butt once. If no sex, tap her twice. If she wants to have sex, she pulls my dick once. If she doesn't want to have sex, she pulls my dick 452 times.
Copied comment from u/TooShiftyForYou from r/videos

If Russia interfered in USA elections, that proves the system works just a little

At least someone's vote counts

Why doesn't America use the metric system?

They have a foot fetish

What is something with 8 eyes, 8 legs, and 8 hands?

8 pirates

My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him.

Edit: Look, I don't want to be one of those redditors who say 'thank's for the gold kind stranger' every time they get awarded, but after seeing this post rise I get it why they do that. For me, whose posts never g...

There were two men in a prison in the USSR.

One asked the other: Why are you here?
The other answers: Political reasons.

He asks another question: What political reasons?

The other prisoner answers: I am a plumber, and I got called in to the party committee to fix their sink. And they asked what was the problem and I sai...

The local bakery installed a new alarm system

They wanted to prevent “Baking and Entering”..

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Playgrounds in the UK have been fitted with advanced paedophile detection systems to help protect children

The company behind the technology has called it NonceSense™

Imagine the US switched to the metric system.

Everyone would be kilogramming your mom.

My immune system is racist

Every time it finds a foreign body it tries to eliminate it.

There are two types of countries in this world.....

Those that use the metric system, and those that have set foot on the moon.

In America, using the metric system can get you in legal trouble

In fact, if you sneer at any other method of measuring liquids, you may be held in contempt of quart.

My alarm system kept breaking down

The alarm system kept breaking down so, instead of repairing it I decided to get a guard dog instead.

I went to the pet store and the shopkeeper showed me a lot of breeds to choose from. A Rottweiler, a German Shepherd, A Doberman, but there was this one tiny little pug that caught my eye. I...

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A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan.

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of nowhere.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no bed, no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon and the dirt on the floor.

The next morning he wakes up to fi...

My neighbor sells home security systems door to door. He's pretty good at it too.

If nobody's home he just leaves a brochure on the kitchen table.

Who designed the human body?

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints!"

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connectio...

What's your favorite asian stereo type?

Personally, I love sony sound system with surround sound.

Teachers from other countries make fun of the US education system

Sure, we don’t teach evolution everywhere, but I don’t see your countries volunteering to demonstrate natural selection in schools across the country.

Alcohol Addiction

My anxiety has been in overdrive since the start of the Pandemic. I feel like I need more and more alcohol everyday.

I am going through at least a liter of the hard stuff everyday.
I start using as soon as I wake up and don't stop until I go to bed each night.

My Dr. says I need t...

The American education system obviously listens to Pink Floyd…

…they've left those kids a loan.

"Social credit system , censorship of any info that does not fit their narrative , Demonization of people with wrong think " You know who I am talking about.

Reddit

My air conditioning system is very simple to operate

It's a breeze.

My Boss, always badgering me to keep the HVAC system on.

It's exhausting!

Turns Out, I'm Not Allowed to Have an OnlyFans Account.

I have a central heating & air system.

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My bodies digestive system has been backed up for some time

My body isn't giving a shit

What was the Soviet Union's favorite videogame system?

The Nintendo We

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Truck driver

One a normal day of trip, truck driver realized that his brake system was busted, and he was going full speed. He knew, he had to stop the truck somehow.

So he decided to get off the road and crash into something

He looked right, there was little boy in an empty field, alone.

H...

Why are most solar systems bad business partners?

Most are rated one star and even the best only have three.

Did you know that Vegas has more Catholic Churches than casinos?

Not surprisingly, some Sunday worshipers give casino chips when the collection basket is passed. Since they get chips for many different casinos the churches have devised a system to handle the collections. The churches send all of their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting a...

What was the dyslexic kids favourite video game system?

Nintendo 46

A new air filtration system has probably been the biggest waste of money I've had.

It just sits there and collects dust.

Why are people who use the metric system so good at computer science?

Because they are pro-grammers.

The CEO of Coke was fired today

They found traces of Pepsi in his system....

Wait shi........

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The guy who got a job at the pickle factory.

He came home from his first day and his wife asked him how it was. He said it was great, but he couldn't stop watching the pickle slicer. He knew it was wrong but he couldn't couldn't stop thinking about putting his penis in the pickle slicer. His wife thought that was a little bit weird.

Ti...

First day of school.

The teacher says: "Here you sit calmly, and if you have anything to ask, lift your hand."

A boy lifts his hand.

\-You got anything to ask, sweetie?

\-Nah, just checking the system

Congratulations to the obvious winner of last night’s debate...

The voyager space probe hurtling away from our solar system at over 35k mph!

I got COVID-19 and it took 10 days for my immune system to finally fight it off.

Longest anything made in China's lasted for me.

Little known fact #376: In Norway they have problems with herds of wild horses destroying the delicate eco systems around their narrow inlets.

They plan to start exporting Fjord Mustangs.

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The sex system

A married couple wanted it to be less embarrassing to ask each other for sex when one or the other does not want to do it. So they worked out a system. The wife says "Ok if you wanna have sex reach over and tug my breast one time, if you don't, tug two times." The husband says "Ok then, same for me,...

Me and a homeschooler got into an argument about the education system.

He went on a rant about how education in America is broken and asked me, "who's running the education system?"

"Your mom," I replied.

How would you write “I changed a light bulb” on your resume?

Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.

Do you wanna hear a joke?

The American healthcare system.

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