Why didn’t aliens visit our Solar system yet?

Because they saw the reviews and it only had one star.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The sex system

A married couple wanted it to be less embarrassing to ask each other for sex when one or the other does not want to do it. So they worked out a system. The wife says "Ok if you wanna have sex reach over and tug my breast one time, if you don't, tug two times." The husband says "Ok then, same for me,...

1 person in every 10 doesn't understand the binary number system.

The other guy is fine with it.

America hasn’t fully adopted the metric system yet…

… but believe me, we’re slowly inching towards it.

Apparently Kim Jong Un supervised the testing of a new missile weapon system.

I don't know, but it seems quite dangerous to have missiles being fired Un-supervised.

Jesus, the flair-tagging system in this sub is weird.

See?

What do you call an experimental organ that’s part of the digestive system?

In-testin

A couple of hours after Trump approved "offensive" cyber strikes against Iran's missile systems, he is heard shouting at his generals

Trump : WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE ARE NOT SENDING THE TROOPS????

General : But..But… sir, this is an attack via cyber space..

Trump : DO YOU THINK I AM THAT STUPID?? WHAT'S THE SPACE FORCE FOR THEN???

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Your penis is so small...

that when you put it in a girl her immune system tries to fight it.

I have gotten pretty damn good at door to door sales of home security systems

When no one is home, I leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

Apparently there's a country in Europe where the people don't accept payment in cash, via card or even through a contactless system.

The Cheque Republic.

Why do anarchists prefer the Imperial system of measurement?

They want to live in a liter-less society!

America's almost finished switching to the metric system.

But they still have miles to go.

As an American and a runner, I love the metric system.

I can quit at 3.11 miles without feeling guilty

What do you call a fashionable subway system

Metro

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 operating systems walk into a bar

The first says "I'm Windows. The most popular, everyone likes me and I don't mess about. I'll have a pint of lager."

The second says "I'm Mac OS. I'm the favourite of artists and hipsters, and I could never settle for a boring lager like Windows. Give me your hoppiest artisanal IPA!"

T...

My wife just started a job as a doctor. She told me she wasn't sure how the hospital's "On-Call" system ...

... so I told her she should ask an oncologist.

People in LA are complaining that the early warning system didn't work.

You FOOLS.

LA IS THE EARLY WARNING SYSTEM.

An American and a Chinese man are talking in a cafe. They’re engaged in a debate over their two systems of government.

The American says, “Look, our system might not be perfect, but we have freedom!”

The Chinese man asks, “Freedom to do what?”

The American responds, “Well, for one, I can go down to Washington DC, walk up to the President’s desk, and say ‘Mr. President, I don’t like the way you’re runni...

I used to sell home security systems.

It was super easy.

I went door to door and If the customer wasn't home, I'd just leave my brochure and business card on their dining room table.

Why couldn't the system programmer breathe?

He refused to open windows.

So how does the American school system work?

Do you get grades and stuff or do you just pass if you survive until you're 18

The voice command system of my cheap driverless car broke down a few weeks ago.

It goes without saying.

What did the US healthcare system say to the people?

Go Fund Me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I read a book about the digestive system..

The ending was shit.

How do American school kids learn the metric system?

9 millimeters at a time

A new military tech company is opening in New York soon, specializing in next-gen guided missile systems. Its still in the works, but they’ve already picked a name:

“Fire-and-Fuggedaboutit”.

(Note: I can honestly say that I did, in fact, think of this joke on my own, even if it’s appeared elsewhere in the past.)

Communism is a System That Looks Pretty Great on Paper.

Unless of course, that paper makes up the pages of a History book.

The American school system is very disorganised and poorly run

I guess school really does prepare you for the real world

A bunch of inmates in prison are lifers, and have been serving together for many years already. They’ve already told each other all the jokes they can remember so often, that they devised a numbering system. Instead of retelling the joke, after a while an inmate would say the joke number instead.

One morning, an inmate was sitting around with a group of guys and just says “26” and everyone starts laughing. A second inmate says “71” and everyone laughs even harder. A third inmate says “37” and no one reacts. He repeats “37” and still no one laughs. Quite frustrated, he says, “I don’t understa...

Before you judge somebody who doesn't use the metric system...

You should walk 1.609344 kilometers in their shoes.

My operating system just deleted half my files.

I knew I should’ve never installed ThanOS.

3 guys were riding in a car; a hardware technician, a systems analyst and a programmer.

The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is accelerating out of control.

So, he pumps the emergency brake, downshifts the gears, and rubs the wheels' rims against the curb. He finally wrestles the car to a stop. The thr...

In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes (old Soviet joke)

"What did they arrest you for?" asks the first. "Was it a political or common crime?"

"Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven ...

Today I found out that the electrician didn't connect the protective grounding system at my home.

I was shocked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saturn and Neptune are the butt cheeks of the solar system

Uranus is between them

Why doesn't the US use the metric system?

Because they can't stand foreign rulers.

Interesting fact: the sun makes up 99.86% of the solar system's mass!

The rest is your mama

Why do Artificially Intelligent systems fear popcorn?

Kernel panic.

Amusingly, the flow of excrement in the sewer system is well-regulated.

And thanks to modern architectural decor, it’s all in all a pretty solid waste system.

A bar is testing out an innovative new exchange system.

The bar owner has noticed a relatively major problem in her area-
people come in to drink, and when they are ready to head out, they feel obligated to finish the drink they paid for. This little bit is enough to push many patrons past their limit and the bar owner wants to do something to encour...

What operating system do they use in Germany?

Mac os Nein

I asked my friend what kind of car audio system he preferred and he said it didn't matter because they were all the same...

...apparently he has a problem with stereotypes.

When it comes to women, I always go by the honor system.

If you can't come in her, come on her.

Germs boost your immune system

They say that exposure germs boosts your immune system. So to ensure a healthy amount of exposure, a couple times a week I take a sip of some tea that's been sitting out for a few days. I don't plan it.....
But it still happens :(

Why did the bakery install a security system?

To protect the dough!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did God say after creating the first digestive system?

Shit just got real.

Aliens haven’t visited our solar system yet because we only have 1 star.

They’ll want to visit solar systems with 4 or 5 stars

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet? (Please read post)

Because this god damn joke is reposted every fucking hour.

I know of someone who uses the metric system

I really want to metre

I'm making a fortune selling home security systems. The sale is easy. All I do is say, "Hello!"

At 3 in the morning.

Whilst sitting on the end of their bed...

What's the difference between a male and a female fire sprinkler system?

The male will exhaust the fire, the female will exhaust the water supply

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you shrunk the solar system down so that the sun was at the top of your head and the orbit of Pluto was at your feet,

Uranus would be right about where you'd expect it to be.

I'm wondering why everyone doesn't use the metric system

since that 15/16 of the world's population uses it.

Someone once told that there’s little difference between the male and female reproductive systems. But in reality...

There’s a vas deferens.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Irony of Indian law system

I have two questions for the lawmakers of our country:

1. If the legal age of a Man to get Sexually active is 18 years and the legal age for him to get married is 21... then what are we actually suggesting he should do these 3 years?

2. Now if the legal age for a Man to get married is ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Feudal Japan, there was a system that determined who sat in the highly favored front position of carts.

You had to call Shogun.

Yoda’s short, talks funny, has a name that ends in a vowel, and lived in a system with “dago” in the title.

It’s pretty clear he was Italian.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers.

He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, “What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob.” All the...

America could never switch to the metric system.

Kilometers Davis, how does that sound?

It was extremely difficult to switch off my mother in law’s life support system.

I had to fight the doctor, my wife, and her siblings to finally do it.

What do you call a vacuum that interferes with the legal system?

Obsuction of justice

I'm jealous of the American date system...

Because they will be able to one day write 4/20/69.

Someone broke into my car but they only stole the sound system.

It was grand theft audio.

New study shows that 4*20+10+7 percent of French people are unhappy with the French counting system.

I saw God write a review about our solar system a while ago

he didn’t explain why he gave it a one star tho

How does a solar system throw a party?

They planet.

What do you call someone that's really into drainage systems?

A Connoi-sewer

If I'm ever on life support in an ICU and don't wake up from a coma, please turn the system off.

And then back on and see if that works.

Did you hear about the husband who found that his wife had run off with the man who installed their security system?

He became quite alarmed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An unkempt teenager with his pants hanging half off his bottom walked into the local welfare office to pick up his welfare payment.

He marched up to the counter and said,

"Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job ope...

What do novice piano players have in common with embedded systems programmers?

They both write in C.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What would be the first thing communists do if they ruled the solar system?

Rename Uranus to Ouranus

My girlfriend is happy the metric system was invented

Otherwise I’d have never meter.

Although, if I ever felt it wasn’t working out, I’d break up with her immediately. I would never liter on.

It always makes me smile when people suggest switching to the metric system.

Or should it rather make me skilometer?

For-profit healthcare is a great system that benefits patients and ensures higher quality care.

lul

My friend told me that for minimal lag i should use an analogue connection instead of Bluetooth for my speaker system....

Sound advice.

I just bought a U2 GPS system for my car

But it's useless. The streets have no name and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system!

It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that when you the sperm originally enters the vagina the female immune system tries to destroy it? But later on it helps it get to the egg....

This is the just another example of a woman not being able to make up her mind

At the Washington Summit in 1987, US President Ronald Reagan asked Soviet General Secretary Mikhail Gorbachev in private if the rumored "Dead Hand" nuclear retaliation system really existed.

Gorbachev laughed and patted Reagan on the back, saying "no, comrade, is only blyat earth conspiracy."

Why did the financial system collapse in ancient Egypt?

Pyramid schemes.

What’s the best operating system?

ThanOS. It maximizes its resources by periodically killing half of its processes.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.