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Lodge Jokes

A Quaint Vermont fishing lodge

An older couple owned a quite fishing lodge with a beautiful lake. They often rented their cabins to fishermen but now and again they had honeymooners stay with them.
A young couple just checked in to their honeymoon suite. And five minutes later the husband was out on the lake in a boat fishing....

The Ski Lodge

Three guys go to a ski lodge and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the gu...

So three guys rent a room at a ski lodge

Three guys rent a room at a ski lodge but due to a lack of other rooms they're forced to share a bed.

In the middle of the night, they all wake up abruptly and the one on the left says *"Man I dreamt I was getting a handjob"*

The guy on the right replies *"That's weird, I was dreaming ...

My friend Jason invited me to spend a week with him and his family at their ski lodge.

I wanted to bring gifts. For him, a felt hat. For her felt mittens. For the kids, felt-tipped markers.

I like to make my presents felt.

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Woman goes to a doctor with a tampon lodged inside her...

Doctor: So how did this happen?

Woman: I don’t know, I mean I didn’t get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!

Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn’t that sound suspiciously cheap to you?

Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked...

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Hunting lodge

A young man goes to a hunting lodge with dreams of becoming one of the greatest hunters.

He asks around about who can give the best advice on hunting, and is directed to a 103 year old man with 90 years of experience. He gathers his courage and finally approaches the old man sitting in a ...

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3 friends go to a ski lodge...

But the receptionist at the front dest said that the lodge was over booked, and the friends have to share a room.

After walking in they notice that there’s only one bed. They decide to go to bed early and set their alarms for 6:30am.

The buzzer sounds and they awake. The one on the lef...

A man went to a hunting lodge

He walked up to the bar and sat down.
He looked around and admired all of the trophies and stuffed animals they had on display, he then looked at the bartender and said "I will bet you one beer that what ever animal you have in here, i can guess what animal it is , and what kind of weapon was use...

A couple was having a quarrel in a lodge...

The man calls the manager and says, "I'm having an argument with my wife, and now she wants to jump out the window please come fast!"

The Manager angrily responds, "I am sorry sir this is your personal issue, please do not waste my time again."

The Husband replies back, "The window is ...

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A city guy decides to pursue his dream to be a lumberjack

So he moves to a remote logging town in the northern woods. It's just 40 men in this little community, hundreds of miles from the nearest town of any size, and he wonders how they manage their "loneliness," if you know what I mean.

One evening in the spring, after the day's work has ended, a ...

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At the hunting lodge

During a social meeting at a traditional hunting lodge, one of the newcomers was talking to one of the oldest there. The guy was so old he couldn't even walk or talk properly. And he was telling stories about his youth and about a hunting trip to Africa, long ago. "So my child, I was a bit tired and...

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Two new members of a hunting lodge get introduced to its oldest member.

They ask him to tell his most memorable hunting story, and he does.

“Well, back in 1954 in Africa,” the old man starts, “we were big-game hunting. Didn’t have much luck at first, but on the third day I was resting by a tree when I heard a noise. Next thing I know a huge lion jumps out of the ...

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One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around.

The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget."

They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a story.

"Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion ...

[old joke] A navy officer sent a letter to his wife that he would be arriving a week earlier..

When he arrives,he finds his wife in bed with another man.

Disgusted, he goes to the navy base and stays in the lodge contemplating what to do next.

The next day, he receives a call from his mother-in-law who is also a wife of a naval officer.

" Rose told me everything" she sai...

I read an article about doctors taking almost a week to remove food lodged in a man’s throat.

“Dad chokes for days”

The doctors rushed quickly to remove the bullet which was lodged in his artery...

But it turns out it was all in vain

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Patient: I have a strawberry lodged in my anus.

Doctor: I have some cream for that.

A man was asked by his cousin to come with him to his hunting lodge...

With them was the cousin's hunting friends. As it was raining the first day, and since none of them didn't feel like spending a whole day out in the wet, they decided to stay inside.

After a while the man got bored and asked his cousin if they couldn't do anything.
The cousin said: "Well,...

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What happened to the man who had a Disney character lodged up his rectum?

He had the Mickey taken out of him

Grandpa's Scariest day

A man was celebrating his 100th birthday with his grandchildren, when one of them asks him about the time he was most scared in his life.

"Well Timmy, it'll have to be back in 1943 when I was on Safari in Africa"

"What happenned Gramps?"

"Well, I was with my best friend John on...

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Transylvanian bear joke

This guy from the big city takes his son to experience the wilderness in Transylvania. When they get to the lodge, they ask their host, and old and cunning looking Transylvanian hunter about going for a hike in the woods. The old man is not a man of many words, he hands them a little yellow whistle ...

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A pregnant woman walks into a bank

and lines up at the first available teller. Just at that moment the bank gets robbed and she is shot three times in the stomach. She was rushed to the hospital where she was fixed up. As she leaves she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor says, "Oh! You're going to have triplets. They'r...

A Redditor became a chemist and decided to seek his fortune making breath mints.

He made one set of mints that were saturated in caffeine. It made him a significant amount of money but people complained about being a little too agitated by them.

He followed up with a heavily alcoholic variety, which was very well received and made him millions, but which had the unfortuna...

What did my wondering eyes behold.

After a brutal late Autumn wind storm I noticed that my young Elm tree had finally lost all of its leaves in preparation for the cold snowy winter ahead. I smiled to my self realizing how nature helps all creatures prepare for the coming seasonal changes. But then my gaze was drawn to a red shotgu...

Make your own breakfast

Two youthful artists having a studio in Philadelphia, wherein they not only work but lodge as well, were obliged to make shift, not long ago, during a period of financial stress, with such meals as they could themselves prepare in the studio.

One morning, as the younger of the two was 'sketch...

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Two friends decide to go on their honeymoon together...

One evening while the women are in their own rooms, the men drinking at the pub below their lodge,

Rob: I bet a 100 dollars I can fuck way more than you ever could in a night.

Dan: I don’t think so! I would like to compare numbers tomorrow morning at breakfast!

Rob: you know how...

Joke from an old man

Typical day at my gas station, I tell some jokes, give some wives tales, and, One night, I tell my usual fib to an old man,
'Did you know, We call dollars, Bucks, because yhere used to be a buck on the one dollar bill!?'
He then chuckles and replies,
'You ever heard of the elks lodge?'...

Three guys go on a skiing trip.

The lodge they check into only has one room available, so they decide to all sleep in the same bed. They go skiing and have a lot of fun, and come back to the lodge and go to bed.
The next day the guy who slept on the right side of the bed said, “I had the most vivid dream that I was getting a ha...

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A man joins a new hunting club.

His first night at the lodge, he asks around for the guy with the best hunting stories.

“The man over there in the wheelchair is named James. He’s 90 years old and has been hunting all over the world for 70 years. He’s got some great stories”.

So the man walks over, introduces himself...

Killer Chihuahua

Guy walks into a bar and announced rather loudly, “Whomever had a German Shepard tied up outside, I regret to inform you that my Chihuahua has killed your dog.” The German Shepard owner pipes up saying, “There’s no way your Chihuahua could have killed my dog. My Shepard was a trained war dog. He fou...

With all the NSFW jokes here lately, we could use a nice clean joke

A pharmaceutical salesman was staying at a bed and breakfast in a small town while on a business trip. The B&B was run by a kindly old gentleman and advertised three square "southern" meals a day and a relaxing country feel.

While the salesman was eating his breakfast, he noticed what app...

What Not to Say to a Policeman:

-I cant reach my license unless you hold my beer.

-Sorry, Officer, I didnt realize I was driving.

-Wow, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me!

-I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

-You're not gonna check the trunk...

Old man gets a shave at the barber

An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his chee...

Guy walks into bar

Wanting to know who owns the Great Dane tied up outside because his dog just killed said Great Dane.

A man at the bar stands up obviously perplexed and says what kind of dog do you have that it just killed my Great Dane?

Other man responds proudly he owns a Chiwawa.

“You’re s...

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My favourite little Johnny joke. NSFW

Little Johnny was playing with his new train set when mum over hears him say "all you bastards getting off, fuck off, all you bastards getting on hurry the fuck up"

She comes running from the kitchen and is aghast at the language. She tells him that the f-word and the b-word are not appropria...

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A Soviet general is marching his army through Poland.

As they're passing by a hill, they hear a voice cry out from the other side of it. "No Soviet soldier can stand up to one Polish soldier!"

The general is furious. Such disrespect to the motherland is intolerable. He points to his best foot soldier, and says, "Comrade Ivan, take that hill in t...

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Not exactly for everyone

Elderly couple go to a sex therapist. The guy says, “We have a problem. We don’t think we can do it right. Can you advise?”

The therapist says she will watch them make love on his couch and advise them. When they have finished she says, “You both did very well; there was no problem, really...

A man ordered for a voice automated robot car

A man ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.

He got the car and started sending it on errands. He became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.

One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car t...

A pregnant mother of three is walking down a alley...

The Mother gets shot 3 times and each bullet gets lodged in each of the babies with no serious damage done to the mother or the babies. Months later the babys are born, two beautiful girls and a boy. One day the one of the little girls goes to the bathroom and comes out and says to the mother "mommy...

A Tourist is Trudging Through Australia's Desert

A tourist is trudging through Australia’s Great Victoria Desert. …

He’s completely lost, and he’s quickly running out of water. His vision is rather impaired, and he can tell that he’s only got a few more hours before he’ll pass out.

Suddenly, he accidentally steps on a rattlesnake! Be...

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Best friends???

Frank and Jim, are walking down the street when Jim turns to Frank and says, "Frank, if you had two of those top-of-the-line Mercedes Benz cars, with all the gear, electric windows, CD player and all of that, exactly the same, would you give me one?"

Frank says, "Jim, how long do we go back? ...

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Don’t worry

A man is set to go hunting for the first time, understandably a bit nervous. As he is about to leave the lodge he sees an old wise native.

He asks the native for advice, “what do I do if I see a bear?”

“Don’t worry” says the native

“But what if it sees me?”

“Don’t worr...

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Unicorn hunting...

Two hunters, Paul and Kurt, were in a lodge, making small talk.

Paul asked Kurt, “So, what do you hunt?”

Kurt answered, “I hunt unicorns.”

Paul was startled, but said, “Really? How do you do that?”

Kurt replied, “I find a virgin and hire her to help me. The virgin sits ar...

3 skiers

3 skiers arrive at the lodge to find there is only one room available. They reluctantly accept, and find that it has only one bed. Come time to sleep they agree to share the bed.

The next morning the 3 awake to which says, "last night I had the most vivid dream that I was getting a handjob." ...

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Three men have to share a bed

They're on a ski trip together, and due to a clerical error there is only one room left in the lodge. There is only one large bed, and there are no cots.

So the three pile in and try to keep their distance.

The next morning they wake up, and the man sleeping on the left edge of the bed...

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A Couple Go on Their Honeymoon

A man and his new bride check into a resort lodge in Alaska. The resort manager/park ranger checks them in, tells them to let him know if they need anything, and wishes they congratulations and a happy stay.

The first night, while the park ranger is making his rounds, he sees the husband sit...

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Zeus is offering a seat in his Pantheon for the first person to complete his trials of strength.

An esteemed hero of all men approaches Olympus and thinks hey, why the hell not. If I lose I may be disappointed, but if I win I will join the legendary Gods of the Pantheon!

So he makes his way to Zeus, excited to see what is in store for him in order to prove his worth to the Gods. Along th...

The skiers

Three friends decide to go to a ski resort for the weekend. When they arrive at the lodge, they're dismayed to learn that there's only one room left. What's worse, it only has a single bed. Figuring that it's their only option, they decide to take the room.


After a full day of skiing, the...

My Grandfather just told me this one.

Three bear hunters are in their lodge talking and one says, "I like to use my Remington to kill them", the other says, "I like to use my knife", the last one says, "I like to bring them back alive", the others laugh at him and go on with their night. Later one the third hunter goes outside to pee wh...

A guy is tossing peanuts in the air...

A guy is tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth and his wife asks him a question. He turns to answer her question and the peanut he just tossed lands in his ear and gets stuck.

He and his wife spend a short period of time trying to get it out and decide maybe they should...

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Seasoned hunter

A group of young men who are on a hunting trip stop at the lodge. They hang out at the bar, drinking beer and talking.

Suddenly an older hunter walks in and the patrons fall silent. Everyone stares at the man as he walks up to the bar, sits down and orders whiskey. The silence in the room is ...

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A woman, pregnant with triplets, takes a walk in a bad neighbourhood.

She is caught in the crossfire during a drive-by shooting. She's rushed to hospital and given a scan immediately. The sonographer gives her the results.

"It seems that you've been very lucky. A bullet has lodged in the intestines of each of your children, but all three appear healthy. We wil...

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Two new hunters...

Are enjoying their time at the hunting lodge. Meeting the oldest member, a man in his 90s they commented that he must have a ton of stories. He replied, "yes, one stands out more than the others." Intrigued they asked to hear. "Well" , the old man says, "I was a younger man, in my 20s. I was in Al...

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An Irish man goes to the doctor...

An Irish man goes to the Doctor...

"Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.

"Incredible" he says, "there is a £20 note lodged up here."

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bot...

A man cant get something out of his eye...

So he goes to the doctor. He tells about his problem to the receptionist and she writes "Strange body lodged in eye", and tells him to wait. She takes the charts to the doctor and the man goes to sit somewhere else. A few minutes go by, and the doctor comes out. He reads the chart and screams:
...

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Groundbreaking Study

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is...

Peanuts

An man and his wife are watching TV. The man is eating peanuts by throwing them up in the air and catching them in his mouth. In the middle of one of his peanut tosses, the door opens and in walk his lovely daughter and her steady boyfriend. The man turns his head to see who is entering and the pean...

Two Dogs (From the movie Silkwood)

A young brave visits the chief of the tribe with a question. "Wise one, is it true you name all the members of the tribe, and if so, how is it done?"

The venerable old man replies "Yes, for over 20 years I have named each person who is born to the tribe. I sit outside the lodge, and when I he...

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Jesus and Satan are having a competition...

... to see who is the better Excel user. God is the judge.

Satan is killing it. He has pivot tables, graphs, macros. Jesus is doing ok - he has a few columns of data, some basic graphs and some formulae.

The time is nearing the 2hour time limit and suddenly the power goes off. Satan is...

Corny joke

So a local state corn production and manufacturing company had an open house complete with free samples of their in house sweets and confectionery made from their finest corn.

The reception was fantastic and everything was going great, until one of the over zealous freeloaders (you know the ...

A Boy chokes on a coin

A little boy was playing in his yard when he swallowed a coin that became lodged in his throat. His mother picked him up and ran down the street screaming for help. Luckily, a man ran over and hit the boy hard on the back so that the coin popped out of his mouth. "Thank you so much, doctor!" the ...

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Honeymoon hunting trip

Olga and Sven got married. To save money they went to a lodge that just happened to have hunters that same weekend.
There they were, riding along Olga, Sven, and the hunters, when the bus got a flat. Sven whispers to Olga: "You want to start the honeymoon now?"
Olga says:"We better wait t...

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The honeymooners

So me and an old friend decide to go on a fishing trip. When we arrived at the lodge we were informed that the only boat they had was for the honeymoon cabin, we asked if it was available, but no, it had just been rented my a newly wed couple for the weekend.



So we rented a boat from ...

God decides it's time for a vacation...

...so he consults with a few of his angels to figure out where he should go for some much needed rest and relaxation. The first angel to speak up says "Well, sir, I hear Mercury is nice this time of year. It's nice and warm, you could catch some rays and maybe get a nice tan."
"That could be nic...

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Peeing Bullets

A woman pregnant with triplets is in a bank, all of a sudden robbers walk in start shooting up the place, the woman is shot and gets rushed to the hospital.
After surgery and recovery the doctor comes in and tells her that a bullet got lodged in each fetus but they will be alright and the bulle...

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A city boy got a job at a lumber camp up in the Great White North . . .

. . . and was noticing how far removed the camp was from the nearest civilization. So he approached his foreman and said, "Hey, we're pretty isolated out here. What do you guys do when you get - y'know - horny?"
The foreman, a burly French Canadian, said, "Come weeth me."
He took the city b...

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3 guys are walking next to some mud and find some bricks.

They want to see who can throw the bricks the highest but can't seem to figure out how to measure the height that they threw it. One of the guys says "we can just measure how far the brick sinks into the mud." The other two agree to this. The first guy throws his brick and it lodges itself a foot a...

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A woman pregnant with triplets was shot in a drive-by

when she woke up later at the hospital the doctor came in and told her he had good news and bad news. he told her that she was hit by three bullets in her stomach and each one had been lodged in each of her three babies. however, everyone was healthy and in due time the bullets would make their way ...

Rabbi in a restaurant...

There once was a rabbi who had been a rabbi for many years and, all his life, he'd tried to be a good Jew. He obeyed the ten commandments, he read the Torah frequently and he kept kosher– but, secretly, he'd always wanted to try pork.


Everybody made so much fuss about pork and bacon and h...

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Three men...

Once there were three men who walked into an empty clearing in the middle of a huge forest, uncomparable by any means to that of any cluster of trees. However, this clearing had a peculiar item lodged in the ground near the center, a shiny golden lamp. The first of the three men slowly worked on dis...

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The avid fisherman. NSFW

A man checks into the the office at a fishing lodge in the Scottish highlands. After being given the key to his cabin he asks that he be given a 6 am wakeup call because he wanted to get started as early as possible.

The next morning after a quick breakfast he strides out of his cabin and pas...

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Great joke for a bar...

Some time ago, a pregnant woman was waiting in line at the bank when a bank robber comes running in. The robber begins waiving around his gun and yelling at all the tellers frantically to give him the money and get down. A hidden security guard watches as the robber appears to be losing control an...

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