A young man went in to a restaurant and ordered a standard eggs, bacon, toast and coffee breakfast. The server told him they were out of bread, would he like a biscuit...

So he got the biscuit instead. After eating, he headed home, but started to feel bad. His stomach was cramping and he was gassy. Why?


He was Lack Toast Intolerant!


You've been Dad joked on Father's day! Happy father's day fellow dad's!

A deaf man walks into a restaurant. He asks a server if he can use his credit card in the jukebox.

She replies “You can’t hear”

I am a server, and normally I do my job like I should. I handle workload like a charm, even though I rarely sleep.

So today I couldn't handle it anymore, and broke down. Today I crashed, and corrupted 57 GB worth of websites.

Well the EU servers are full

But they almost have one GB of extra space

A man goes to a tool store to buy a chainsaw. The server sells him the top-of-the-line model, saying that it will cut through over 100 trees in one day.

The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees.

“How can I cut for hours and hours and only finish two trees?” he asks himself.

Next day the man brings the chainsaw back to the store and says it doesn’t work prope...

Reddit servers went down today, so I went downstairs and spoke with my family.

They seem like nice people.

Why was the restaurant server so heavy?

Because he is a weighter.

What goes down longer than a dirty street hooker?

Reddit's servers.

By popular demand, we now have a discord server. Join this

I know, I'm not very original. This is a re-post. But it's apparently a good one since it's always at the top of the list.

Obedient server!!

Rich Man : Michael (the Butler), for 30 years you have been bringing me coffee, filled to the brim, without even spilling a drop. How do you manage that over these stairs?


Michael: Sir, before I climb up the stairs I take a big sip, as I get upstairs, I put it back.


Unfortunate...

What did the client say to the server?

I GET you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Cardi B and a Chipotle server?

They both take your money and leave you with a sore asshole, but a Chipotle server can wrap.

I went to this cool new restaurant in Vegas, the server woman came out nude with the menu painted all over her body.

She asked if I was ready to order, I said “ I know what I want, but I just can’t put my finger on it.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Electronic Arts servers were hacked today.

They found a lot of midget shemale porn. There was a lot of micro trans action.

the servers were in such a hurry to set up the hors d'oeuvre tray that they forgot the crackers

they were cracka lackin

What do you have to allocate in order to crash a Minecraft server on purpose?

Premeditated Wam.

Call of Duty servers

That’s the entire joke. What more did you expect?

The server at the sandwich shop said that every sandwich comes with a free pickle.

I said, “That’s a really good dill.”

A pastor, IT server admin and a Thai ladyboy walk into a bar

The bartender asks him what he would like to drink.

Hooters

Two men grow up together, but after college one moves to Maryland and
the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to
play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hoo...

Hillary Clinton logs onto her email server

[deleted]

Many people are surprised by the engagement of Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian, but not me.

If I founded reddit I'd be searching for better servers too.

I went to the Reddit restaurant

All of its servers were busy...

Daddy, what are clouds made of?

Linux servers, mostly.

I wish I could date Pokemon GO's servers

Because then she'd go down on me 5 times a day.

A server is carrying a tray of cheese when he sees a beautiful girl walk by.

He thinks of something to say and goes in for the kill. But on his way he slips on a wet spot, sending him sliding into an ice sculpture and spilling the cheese in a straight line behind him. People get up to help and start picking up cheese off the ground. The girl goes over to the server and asks ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I searched google for photos of Kim Kardashians asshole, but I think their servers are messed up.

All I get is photos of Kanye West

How many stuttering Mexicans does it take to crash a server?

D--Dos

A panda walks into a steakhouse...

*A panda walks into a steakhouse.*

Panda: Can I get some bamboo?

Server: Sorry, we only have steak here.

Panda: I'll have some steak then.

*The panda eats the steak.*

Server: So how was the food?

Panda: It was one of the most delicious meals I've ever had!...

Damn girl, are you Hilary Clinton's email server?

Damn girl, are you Hilary Clinton's email server?
.
Because your incredibly insecure
.
Hahaha

A king, a businessman and a network admin in hell.

A king, a businessman and a network admin meet the devil at the gates to hell.
- You can make one phone call, but you'd have to pay for it, - says the devil.
The king makes his call, asks who's the new ruler of the kingdom, was quickly assured that everything is fine, hangs the phone with ...

Two mathematicians walk into a bar...

and begin to argue about the intelligence of the waitresses. One mathematician gets up, and on his way to the bathroom stops his server. He tells her: "I'll give you $5 is you answer "one-third x cubed" to the next question I ask you, ok?"
The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician...

How did the bash server react to the DOS attack?

Unixpectedly.

OP.

A Redditor walks into Reddit Restaurant...

All of our servers are busy right now. Please try again in a minute.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A proctologist decided to take the day off and play Call of Duty, there were lots of newbies in the server.

He rectum

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A janitor at a church is minding his own business cleaning the floors when the priest runs to him telling him he needs help

The priest says to the janitor
“J I need your help, I have to run an errand really quick but I need you to fill in for me for confessions.” J says, “Father I cant I don’t know what to assign for punishments or pennants.
Father replies saying, “Its fine there’s a sheet in there that will tel...

A Cowboy is riding his horse on his first trip to cowtown when he reaches a fork in the road...

At the fork, there is a sign which reads "Reddit go right, cowtown go left." The cowboy, confused and having never heard of Reddit, decides to give in to his curiosity and go right.

After riding for a mile or so on the path, he reaches another fork. This sign reads "Reddit go right, cowtown ...

What do you call a folder on FBI's servers that contains all the intel on known child molesters?

A Pedo File.

Why are restaurants great places for networking?

Because they have a lot of servers

I hacked Russia's servers last night and got caught...

I was Putin jail.

Why didn't the client tip the server?

Because they didn't have enough cache!

(Computer Science nerds unite! This is my original joke, I originally posted it on Imgflip last year with bad pun dog and it got a decent response.)

A guy walks into a restaurant, sits at the counter.

He starts looking thru the menu, and sees 'chili'. "Oh, I haven't had a decent bowl of chilli in a long time".
Asks the server for the chili, and she says "sorry dear, the gentleman next to you got the last bowl"


He notices the gentleman next to him with a bowl of chili, but he'...

So it turns out Mike Pence used a private email server. When questioned he denied, saying he doesn't even use email.

Alternative Fax

I was at a bar and the server was taking forever and never got anything right

Oh wait, the Reddit search engine isn't a bar.

I haven’t had a server go down on me that long

since New Year at Hooters.
Edit for explanation: https://techcrunch.com/2016/08/11/reddit-is-currently-experiencing-a-major-outage/

Hey baby, are you a cloud server?

Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.

What do you call a Minecraft server run for autistic children?

A regular Minecraft server.

What did Hillary Clinton say when they took down her private email server?

R.I.P. My Inbox

I don't need a girlfriend, I can just play Pokémon Go

The servers go down on me every day

At the bookstore

Customer : Do you have any books on turtles

Server : Hard back ?

Customer : Yeah, with little heads

L.P.T. Servers and waiters aren't really into you. You may believe they are flirting by giving you more attention...

... but in reality they just want the tip.

Pokemon GO servers are like my life right now.

Up and down and disappointing anyone who knows what it is.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night at an Indian diner the server walks up to me and asks "Curry Ok Sir?"

I said "Alright, just one song and then you can fuck off".

What kind of computer does the Tumblr servers run on?

Not a binary one, thats for sure.

What happens when the PS and XBOX servers go down?

The ambulance comes lights and sirens, "WII-U WII-U WII-U"
I'm sorry, I'll leave now ._.

A robot tried to start a conversation with an attractive waitress

## But he wasn't so successful in doing so. The error message read:

Error: failed to establish connection with server.

I was told that tipping your server is normal in America

I was told that tipping your server is normal in America

But apparently this will get you fired as a systems administrator.

Helium Walks into a bar and orders a beer the bartender says sorry we don,t server noble gases here

He Doesnt React

I used to work in food service, now I work in IT

The biggest difference is the phrase "My server went down on me" is no longer a good thing.

Two admins meet at work

"A friend of mine was able to shut down the main server just in 5 minutes!"
"Wow. He is a hacker?"
"No. Just an idiot."

I had another server go down on me at work.

It’s just how I interview waiting staff.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many servers does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's not my fucking sidework.

Where does an IT Professional buy his agricutural produce?

At the Server-Farm.

Two men walk into a restaurant and sit down.

A very beautiful waitress comes to their table to serve them. The first man orders, then the woman looks to the second man.

“And what would you like?” she asks.

The man smiles at the server and answers: “A quickie.”

The waitress screws up her face in total disgust. “What did yo...

Whats the difference between the Titanic and EA servers.

The Titanic only went down once.

Why did I spill root beer on a DNS server?

Just because ICANN.

Server friend was complaining about her pay at local restaurant

Server friend was complaining about her job at local restaurant.

So I say, "Don't worry. Good things come those who wait."

I asked my web server engineer wife to give me head.

All I got was information and not the actual act.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIFU by messing my teams multi milion dollar project

So i work for this big organization that has been working on quite an important project. That is, to take a picture of a certain object.
I am a temp and my job was to move the file from our local server to a safe drive so we can move the file (yes the file is that big) to another center. ...

So Kim Jong-un is claiming he personally hacked into Sony's servers in retaliation to them broadcasting a spoof interview.

Is there no end to this Olympic gold Medallist's
talent?

Attention Nerds!

It would be so much easier if humans came with an error message just like computers do.
Imagine sitting in a restaurant and failing miserably at flirting with the waitress.
"Warning! Error establishing connection with the Server"

To err is human . . .

But to REALLY foul things up you need a Facebook server

Calculus joke...

Two college professors are having lunch at a local diner.

John (a math professor) says "you know, it really is sad how very little the general population understands higher math."

Bill (a physics professor) responds "There you go again with your holier-than-thou attitude, I'm sure more...

Three Blondes Walk into a Bar...

They get a table and order a round of drinks. When the server brings the drinks over, the blondes clink the glasses together and say, "A toast to 36 hours!"


The blondes order several more rounds, and each time they make the same toast to 36 hours. After the fourth round, the server give...

An Australian person went to a chess themed restaurant.

After finishing his meal, he asked the server, “could I get my check mate?”

A man and woman go out to a fancy restaurant

When they walk in, they see the host is an attractive young man. The woman walks up to him and says "I'm interested in a quickie." The young host is flustered and quickly finds them a table. Just as they sit down, the server walks up to take their order. Again, the woman says "I'm interested in a qu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a restaurant in Spain

He sits down at his table and notices a man enjoying a interesting meal. He asks the server what is the man over at the other table eating? The server responds that he is eating Bulls Balls. After a bull fight and the bull is killed you can order and eat his balls. There is a bull fight tonight and...

A man goes into a fastfood resturant

He orders a cheeseburger and asks the server if it will be long



The cashier looks confused for a second and replies no. It will be round like all the others

What's high maintenance and regularly goes down on everyone?

Servers. Everyone would include me.

A man is playing the most realistic game in the world with his wife.

He gets her pregnant in the game and she gets an abortion. She gets banned from the server for spawn killing

I went to a Soviet era Russia restaurant once.

I waited 20 minutes for the food and then the server came and told me, "sorry we don't serve food here."

CoD WW2 is so realistic...

Even the servers are from 1941.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All he wanted was a delicious meal.

One day a tourist went into a restaurant in Spain. A server walked by with the most amazing smelling meal with two large pieces of meat sizzling on a platter. He promptly asked his waiter what it was and was told "That's the balls of the bull from tonight's fight." Then the tourist asked if he could...

Why couldn’t the restaurant owners open a new data center

They didn’t have enough servers

Here's a funny joke!

Reddit's Servers.

So a Buddhist goes to a hotdog stand.

And asks the server to "make me one with everything"

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