At the Last Supper, the server is bringing in bread and stubs his toe...

"Ow! Jesus Christ!"

Jesus: "Yes, my son?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to California. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why Hooters?"
"They have those servers with the big boobs, the tight shorts and the
gorgeous legs."
"You're on."
At age 42, they meet and play golf again "W...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was eating at a restaurant ...

When he noticed all the servers had spoons in their pocket.

Curious, he asked his server “why do all of you carry spoons?”

“Oh that’s interesting,” replied the server. “Our manager attended a seminar and found out the spoon is the most frequently dropped utensil. This way we are alway...

*Reddit account completes one circle around Reddit's servers*

Redditors: Happy Cake Day!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It has been mentioned that when cruises start sailing again, the buffets will all be staffed with servers instead of just serving yourself.

The saddest job will be the person who has to push the buttons on the pop dispenser.   Why?   Because it is "soda pressing".


I will see myself out.

What kind of servers do police hate?

FTP

How are Xbox servers like hookers?

First they take my money, and then they go down on me.

Could you imagine if trump actually moved the files from govt servers to a private server?

That would be Hillaryous.

Edit: My first reddit silver! Thank you kindly!

Edit2: reddit gold?! You all are too good to me!

My IT friend tried to flirt with a waitress and failed miserably

I guess it wasn’t the first time he couldn’t connect to the server

A Redditor walks into Reddit Restaurant...

All of our servers are busy right now. Please try again in a minute.

Why did the restaurant staff deem the waiters absence due to depression to be a technical issue?

Because their servers were down.

Two lawyers sit in a restaurant.

They're eating homemade sandwiches.
The server comes along and stops them: "Excuse me, but it is not allowed to bring your own food here"

The lawyers share a glance, sigh and trade the sandwiches.

*at a fancy restaurant* Server: So, how did you find the food sir?

Me: It was easy. You put it on a plate and kept the plate right in front of me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Billy spots a pack of condoms

Billy is out shopping with his father at the supermarket when Billy sees a condom stand, each displaying server packages of condoms. He points to a three pack and asks " what is this for?" "That's for when you're in high school" explains his father. "You use one on Friday night and two on Saturday n...

Her: Remember that time in that one restaurant when the server wouldn't let you get new cutlery yourself?

Him: Yes it was un-fork gettable.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is on vacation in Spain

He goes out to eat one night and notices a man at another table being served a plate of spaghetti with two large meatballs. He asks his server if he can have the same.

The server says “I’m afraid not, señor, because those are actually the testicles of bull killed today at the bull fight. But ...

Whenever I go out to eat I always tip my server.

I've also learned that servers have horrible balance.

IT Bulletin: Connectivity in the Bathrooms

Why do client-server applications stop working in the restrooms?

It's all peer-to-peer communications in there.

A fight happened in my Christian Minecraft server

Nothing too big.Just a little "Frick"tion

Reddit servers went down today, so I went downstairs and spoke with my family.

They seem like nice people.

someone should cover the servers of this website in flower... naw... someone should egg it...naw...

breaddit

Call of Duty Servers

Going Dark.

A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.

He thought the manager said “Seize her salad!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Cardi B and a Chipotle server?

They both take your money and leave you with a sore asshole, but a Chipotle server can wrap.

A man goes to a tool store to buy a chainsaw. The server sells him the top-of-the-line model, saying that it will cut through over 100 trees in one day.

The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees.

“How can I cut for hours and hours and only finish two trees?” he asks himself.

Next day the man brings the chainsaw back to the store and says it doesn’t work prope...

What was Jeffrey Epstein's Minecraft Server called?

Miner's Welcome.

Scottish chip shop joke

scotsman: Chips and a steak and kidley pie please

Server: you said kidley

scotsman: no I didley

Well the EU servers are full

But they almost have one GB of extra space

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to this cool new restaurant in Vegas, the server woman came out nude with the menu painted all over her body.

She asked if I was ready to order, I said “ I know what I want, but I just can’t put my finger on it.”

So I've been watching Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmare clips, but one video wouldn't load

There was a problem with the server

I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players…

The servers are currently down...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a midnight dreary

Once upon a midnight dreary,

While I pron surfed,

Weak and weary,

Over many strange and spurious of ‘hot xxx galore’

While I clicked my fav’rite site,

Suddenly there came a warning,

And my heart was filled with a mourning,

Mourning for my dear amo...

I am a server, and normally I do my job like I should. I handle workload like a charm, even though I rarely sleep.

So today I couldn't handle it anymore, and broke down. Today I crashed, and corrupted 57 GB worth of websites.

Why was the restaurant server so heavy?

Because he is a weighter.

I ordered rabbit stew at a pub the other day...

The server drops the rabbit stew off at my table and starts walking away.

I call him back and say, "There's a hare in my stew."

To the people that say all lives matter, I disagree.

There are people out there that still yell at their servers.

What did the client say to the server?

I GET you.

I wish I could date Pokemon GO's servers

Because then she'd go down on me 5 times a day.

What happened to the single IT technician when he tried to flirt with a barista at a cafe?

He was unable to make a connection to the server

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Free food isn't always the best

Tiffany and her coworkers are all servers and busboys at a busy seafood restaurant. Most of the food is higher end, and the plates can be pricey. The staff sees no problem with cleaning up the patrons' scraps, because they graze the leftovers at the same time.

A regular, Charlie, a man in h...

Why did the founder of Reddit, Alexis Ohanian, get married to the tennis superstar Serena Williams?

Redditors are always looking for better servers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The rebellious high school senior

So there’s this senior in high school. He’s pretty rebellious, and always hates it when you tell him to do something.

So the teacher tells him to do his assignment. He answers, “You’re not my mom,” and refuses to do it.

So he gets sent to the dean’s office, and the dean tells him to ex...

The server at the sandwich shop said that every sandwich comes with a free pickle.

I said, “That’s a really good dill.”

A young man went in to a restaurant and ordered a standard eggs, bacon, toast and coffee breakfast. The server told him they were out of bread, would he like a biscuit...

So he got the biscuit instead. After eating, he headed home, but started to feel bad. His stomach was cramping and he was gassy. Why?


He was Lack Toast Intolerant!


You've been Dad joked on Father's day! Happy father's day fellow dad's!

How many stuttering Mexicans does it take to crash a server?

D--Dos

What do you have to allocate in order to crash a Minecraft server on purpose?

Premeditated Wam.

It turns out all the hubbub about Hillary getting rid of her email server was all just a big misunderstand...

It was a female server that kept going down on Bill that was the problem.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Bear Walks Into A Bar

A bear walks into a bar and asks for a drink.

“We don’t serve beers to bears in this bar,” the bartender responds.

The bear points his muzzle at an old guy next to him, and tells the drink slinger, “If you don’t give me a beer, I’m going to maul that guy.”

The bartender shrugs, ...

Call of Duty servers

That’s the entire joke. What more did you expect?

[long] My company is locked down and I am required to work from home

I'm used to working in an open office space so this is a huge change for me. In order to make the transition as easy as possible, I have prepared my home office so remind me of work.

* I've purchased a piece of Limburger cheese and placed it on a plate in the middle of the room to remind me o...

the servers were in such a hurry to set up the hors d'oeuvre tray that they forgot the crackers

they were cracka lackin

A pastor, IT server admin and a Thai ladyboy walk into a bar

The bartender asks him what he would like to drink.

What goes down longer than a dirty street hooker?

Reddit's servers.

A server is carrying a tray of cheese when he sees a beautiful girl walk by.

He thinks of something to say and goes in for the kill. But on his way he slips on a wet spot, sending him sliding into an ice sculpture and spilling the cheese in a straight line behind him. People get up to help and start picking up cheese off the ground. The girl goes over to the server and asks ...

An American is in Italian prison

"How'd you get here?" his cellmate asks.

"Well," he replies, "I went to go visit that famous leaning tower and then decided to get a slice of fresh pizza. I sit down and the server comes to take my order. I asked what's good and the server went down the list. Neapolitan, Giuseppe, Pugliese, N...

I was at a Chinese buffet filling up my plate when I noticed something move in one of the food trays.

I disregarded it and continued filling up my plate before heading back to the table.

After I finished I went up again and made sure to keep an eye on that tray and lo and behold something moved again! This time I get a better look and it appeared to be a pair of eyes pop up, see me and quick...

Damn girl, are you Hilary Clinton's email server?

Damn girl, are you Hilary Clinton's email server?
.
Because your incredibly insecure
.
Hahaha

It request

Can someone put in an IT request to reboot the reality server. This one seams to be not working very well. Viruses and overheating and stuff.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A proctologist decided to take the day off and play Call of Duty, there were lots of newbies in the server.

He rectum

What do you call a folder on FBI's servers that contains all the intel on known child molesters?

A Pedo File.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I searched google for photos of Kim Kardashians asshole, but I think their servers are messed up.

All I get is photos of Kanye West

Why did the waiter's computer system not work?

Because of a server error.

Hey baby, are you a cloud server?

Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.

I hacked Russia's servers last night and got caught...

I was Putin jail.

I haven’t had a server go down on me that long

since New Year at Hooters.
Edit for explanation: https://techcrunch.com/2016/08/11/reddit-is-currently-experiencing-a-major-outage/

Whats the difference between the Titanic and EA servers.

The Titanic only went down once.

I was told that tipping your server is normal in America

I was told that tipping your server is normal in America

But apparently this will get you fired as a systems administrator.

I went to eat at a Mexican restaurant with my friend Sara.

She had recently been diagnosed lactose intolerant, and hadn't eaten dairy in months, so I was a little surprised she wanted to eat there.

Before the server could even ask if we wanted an appetizer, Sara blurted out "I haven't had cheese in forever. Bring us a cheese dip, and don't even bothe...

Customer: I have a question about the menu please.

Server: *slaps customer* THE MEN I PLEASE ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

So it turns out Mike Pence used a private email server. When questioned he denied, saying he doesn't even use email.

Alternative Fax

What did Hillary Clinton say when they took down her private email server?

R.I.P. My Inbox

Helium Walks into a bar and orders a beer the bartender says sorry we don,t server noble gases here

He Doesnt React

What happens when the PS and XBOX servers go down?

The ambulance comes lights and sirens, "WII-U WII-U WII-U"
I'm sorry, I'll leave now ._.

Pokemon GO servers are like my life right now.

Up and down and disappointing anyone who knows what it is.

Why didn't the client tip the server?

Because they didn't have enough cache!

(Computer Science nerds unite! This is my original joke, I originally posted it on Imgflip last year with bad pun dog and it got a decent response.)

Daddy, what are clouds made of?

Linux servers, mostly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night at an Indian diner the server walks up to me and asks "Curry Ok Sir?"

I said "Alright, just one song and then you can fuck off".

Pokémon GO servers

Yeah, that's it.

I was at a bar and the server was taking forever and never got anything right

Oh wait, the Reddit search engine isn't a bar.

Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world.

After her talk she offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is.

"Kenny," he says.

"And what is your question, Kenny?" she asks.

"I have three questions," he says. "First -- whatever happened in Benghazi? "Second -- what happene...

L.P.T. Servers and waiters aren't really into you. You may believe they are flirting by giving you more attention...

... but in reality they just want the tip.

What kind of computer does the Tumblr servers run on?

Not a binary one, thats for sure.

A bear walked into a bar...

Looked about the crowded bar and didn't see anywhere to sit. A young woman caught his eye, they exchanged smiles and he walked over to her. Just as she opened her mouth to say hi he mauled and ate her.

He looked up to the bartender and said "Barkeep, I'd like a large Guinness."

The bar...

Why did I spill root beer on a DNS server?

Just because ICANN.

I had another server go down on me at work.

It’s just how I interview waiting staff.

Server friend was complaining about her pay at local restaurant

Server friend was complaining about her job at local restaurant.

So I say, "Don't worry. Good things come those who wait."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many servers does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's not my fucking sidework.

A Cowboy is riding his horse on his first trip to cowtown when he reaches a fork in the road...

At the fork, there is a sign which reads "Reddit go right, cowtown go left." The cowboy, confused and having never heard of Reddit, decides to give in to his curiosity and go right.

After riding for a mile or so on the path, he reaches another fork. This sign reads "Reddit go right, cowtown ...

So Kim Jong-un is claiming he personally hacked into Sony's servers in retaliation to them broadcasting a spoof interview.

Is there no end to this Olympic gold Medallist's
talent?

CoD WW2 is so realistic...

Even the servers are from 1941.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guest dining in a classy restaurant drops his spoon before finishing his soup. (Nsfw)

Before he could reach down to pick it up, a server was already standing next to him holding a replacement.
"Wow! That was tremendously fast. The service here is impeccable. How did you do that?."
"Well, all of the servers here have an extra piece of cutlery on their tray at all times just...

At the bookstore

Customer : Do you have any books on turtles

Server : Hard back ?

Customer : Yeah, with little heads

In 1964, a couple of former St. Louis Cardinals baseball stars were on vacation in Wales....

Red Schoendienst and Stan Musial decided to head to the UK on vacation with their wives after the 1964 Major League Baseball season. The two had retired as players the year before and had just finished their first full season as members of the staff - Musial as vice president, Schoendienst as a coa...

The lights in the Chinese restaurant were way too bright

So I told the server to dim sum

I asked my web server engineer wife to give me head.

All I got was information and not the actual act.

A guy walks into a restaurant, sits at the counter.

He starts looking thru the menu, and sees 'chili'. "Oh, I haven't had a decent bowl of chilli in a long time".
Asks the server for the chili, and she says "sorry dear, the gentleman next to you got the last bowl"


He notices the gentleman next to him with a bowl of chili, but he'...

A king, a businessman and a network admin in hell.

A king, a businessman and a network admin meet the devil at the gates to hell.
- You can make one phone call, but you'd have to pay for it, - says the devil.
The king makes his call, asks who's the new ruler of the kingdom, was quickly assured that everything is fine, hangs the phone with ...

Two mathematicians walk into a bar...

and begin to argue about the intelligence of the waitresses. One mathematician gets up, and on his way to the bathroom stops his server. He tells her: "I'll give you $5 is you answer "one-third x cubed" to the next question I ask you, ok?"
The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician...

I was at a restaurant, and spilled soup on my jeans.

I called for there server: "Waitress, there's soup in my fly"

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