A man goes to a tool store to buy a chainsaw. The server sells him the top-of-the-line model, saying that it will cut through over 100 trees in one day.

The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees.

“How can I cut for hours and hours and only finish two trees?” he asks himself.

Next day the man brings the chainsaw back to the store and says it doesn’t work prope...

Well the EU servers are full

But they almost have one GB of extra space

Why was the restaurant server so heavy?

Because he is a weighter.

Reddit servers went down today, so I went downstairs and spoke with my family.

They seem like nice people.

I went to this cool new restaurant in Vegas, the server woman came out nude with the menu painted all over her body.

She asked if I was ready to order, I said “ I know what I want, but I just can’t put my finger on it.”

What goes down longer than a dirty street hooker?

Reddit's servers.

What did the client say to the server?

I GET you.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Electronic Arts servers were hacked today.

They found a lot of midget shemale porn. There was a lot of micro trans action.

Hooters

Two men grow up together, but after college one moves to Maryland and
the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to
play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hoo...

the servers were in such a hurry to set up the hors d'oeuvre tray that they forgot the crackers

they were cracka lackin

What do you have to allocate in order to crash a Minecraft server on purpose?

Premeditated Wam.

Many people are surprised by the engagement of Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian, but not me.

If I founded reddit I'd be searching for better servers too.

By popular demand, we now have a discord server. Join this

I know, I'm not very original. This is a re-post. But it's apparently a good one since it's always at the top of the list.

Obedient server!!

Rich Man : Michael (the Butler), for 30 years you have been bringing me coffee, filled to the brim, without even spilling a drop. How do you manage that over these stairs?


Michael: Sir, before I climb up the stairs I take a big sip, as I get upstairs, I put it back.


Unfortunate...

A pastor, IT server admin and a Thai ladyboy walk into a bar

The bartender asks him what he would like to drink.

A king, a businessman and a network admin in hell.

A king, a businessman and a network admin meet the devil at the gates to hell.
- You can make one phone call, but you'd have to pay for it, - says the devil.
The king makes his call, asks who's the new ruler of the kingdom, was quickly assured that everything is fine, hangs the phone with ...

Daddy, what are clouds made of?

Linux servers, mostly.

Hillary Clinton logs onto her email server

[deleted]

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I searched google for photos of Kim Kardashians asshole, but I think their servers are messed up.

All I get is photos of Kanye West

A panda walks into a steakhouse...

*A panda walks into a steakhouse.*

Panda: Can I get some bamboo?

Server: Sorry, we only have steak here.

Panda: I'll have some steak then.

*The panda eats the steak.*

Server: So how was the food?

Panda: It was one of the most delicious meals I've ever had!...

I went to the Reddit restaurant

All of its servers were busy...

The server at the sandwich shop said that every sandwich comes with a free pickle.

I said, “That’s a really good dill.”

A server is carrying a tray of cheese when he sees a beautiful girl walk by.

He thinks of something to say and goes in for the kill. But on his way he slips on a wet spot, sending him sliding into an ice sculpture and spilling the cheese in a straight line behind him. People get up to help and start picking up cheese off the ground. The girl goes over to the server and asks ...

I wish I could date Pokemon GO's servers

Because then she'd go down on me 5 times a day.

Damn girl, are you Hilary Clinton's email server?

Damn girl, are you Hilary Clinton's email server?
.
Because your incredibly insecure
.
Hahaha

How did the bash server react to the DOS attack?

Unixpectedly.

OP.

Two mathematicians walk into a bar...

and begin to argue about the intelligence of the waitresses. One mathematician gets up, and on his way to the bathroom stops his server. He tells her: "I'll give you $5 is you answer "one-third x cubed" to the next question I ask you, ok?"
The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A proctologist decided to take the day off and play Call of Duty, there were lots of newbies in the server.

He rectum

A Redditor walks into Reddit Restaurant...

All of our servers are busy right now. Please try again in a minute.

Attention Nerds!

It would be so much easier if humans came with an error message just like computers do.
Imagine sitting in a restaurant and failing miserably at flirting with the waitress.
"Warning! Error establishing connection with the Server"

How many stuttering Mexicans does it take to crash a server?

D--Dos

Why didn't the client tip the server?

Because they didn't have enough cache!

(Computer Science nerds unite! This is my original joke, I originally posted it on Imgflip last year with bad pun dog and it got a decent response.)

I hacked Russia's servers last night and got caught...

I was Putin jail.

I was at a bar and the server was taking forever and never got anything right

Oh wait, the Reddit search engine isn't a bar.

So it turns out Mike Pence used a private email server. When questioned he denied, saying he doesn't even use email.

Alternative Fax

I haven’t had a server go down on me that long

since New Year at Hooters.
Edit for explanation: https://techcrunch.com/2016/08/11/reddit-is-currently-experiencing-a-major-outage/

Ubisoft Servers.

Thats it.

Hey baby, are you a cloud server?

Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.

What did Hillary Clinton say when they took down her private email server?

R.I.P. My Inbox

What do you call a folder on FBI's servers that contains all the intel on known child molesters?

A Pedo File.

I don't need a girlfriend, I can just play Pokémon Go

The servers go down on me every day

L.P.T. Servers and waiters aren't really into you. You may believe they are flirting by giving you more attention...

... but in reality they just want the tip.

Three Blondes Walk into a Bar...

They get a table and order a round of drinks. When the server brings the drinks over, the blondes clink the glasses together and say, "A toast to 36 hours!"


The blondes order several more rounds, and each time they make the same toast to 36 hours. After the fourth round, the server give...

What kind of computer does the Tumblr servers run on?

Not a binary one, thats for sure.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Last night at an Indian diner the server walks up to me and asks "Curry Ok Sir?"

I said "Alright, just one song and then you can fuck off".

Pokemon GO servers are like my life right now.

Up and down and disappointing anyone who knows what it is.

What happens when the PS and XBOX servers go down?

The ambulance comes lights and sirens, "WII-U WII-U WII-U"
I'm sorry, I'll leave now ._.

A man and woman go out to a fancy restaurant

When they walk in, they see the host is an attractive young man. The woman walks up to him and says "I'm interested in a quickie." The young host is flustered and quickly finds them a table. Just as they sit down, the server walks up to take their order. Again, the woman says "I'm interested in a qu...

I was told that tipping your server is normal in America

I was told that tipping your server is normal in America

But apparently this will get you fired as a systems administrator.

Helium Walks into a bar and orders a beer the bartender says sorry we don,t server noble gases here

He Doesnt React

I went to a Soviet era Russia restaurant once.

I waited 20 minutes for the food and then the server came and told me, "sorry we don't serve food here."

I used to work in food service, now I work in IT

The biggest difference is the phrase "My server went down on me" is no longer a good thing.

Two admins meet at work

"A friend of mine was able to shut down the main server just in 5 minutes!"
"Wow. He is a hacker?"
"No. Just an idiot."

I had another server go down on me at work.

It’s just how I interview waiting staff.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How many servers does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's not my fucking sidework.

Why did I spill root beer on a DNS server?

Just because ICANN.

Whats the difference between the Titanic and EA servers.

The Titanic only went down once.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a restaurant in Spain

He sits down at his table and notices a man enjoying a interesting meal. He asks the server what is the man over at the other table eating? The server responds that he is eating Bulls Balls. After a bull fight and the bull is killed you can order and eat his balls. There is a bull fight tonight and...

I asked my web server engineer wife to give me head.

All I got was information and not the actual act.

A priest stands up to do his sermon.

He starts. He says "We all called in different ways."

As soon as he says that, the altar server drops the gospel which he was taking away from the lectern. He then shuffles to pick it up and accidentally rips it with his foot and falls over, hitting the tabanacle and spilling the bread and t...

So Kim Jong-un is claiming he personally hacked into Sony's servers in retaliation to them broadcasting a spoof interview.

Is there no end to this Olympic gold Medallist's
talent?

A man goes into a fastfood resturant

He orders a cheeseburger and asks the server if it will be long



The cashier looks confused for a second and replies no. It will be round like all the others

Why are the reddit servers down so much?

Because they're being beaten like a dead horse.

What's high maintenance and regularly goes down on everyone?

Servers. Everyone would include me.

Calculus joke...

Two college professors are having lunch at a local diner.

John (a math professor) says "you know, it really is sad how very little the general population understands higher math."

Bill (a physics professor) responds "There you go again with your holier-than-thou attitude, I'm sure more...

Server friend was complaining about her pay at local restaurant

Server friend was complaining about her job at local restaurant.

So I say, "Don't worry. Good things come those who wait."

An Australian person went to a chess themed restaurant.

After finishing his meal, he asked the server, “could I get my check mate?”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

All he wanted was a delicious meal.

One day a tourist went into a restaurant in Spain. A server walked by with the most amazing smelling meal with two large pieces of meat sizzling on a platter. He promptly asked his waiter what it was and was told "That's the balls of the bull from tonight's fight." Then the tourist asked if he could...

Why couldn’t the restaurant owners open a new data center

They didn’t have enough servers

Out of office replies

Suggested New Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply:

*I am currently out at a interview for a decent job and will reply to you if
I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

*I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you!

*You are receiving...

CoD WW2 is so realistic...

Even the servers are from 1941.

Here's a funny joke!

Reddit's Servers.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three Guys Walk Into a Restaruant

As soon as the guys are seated, without hesitation, they all whip out thier dicks and start rapidly Jerking thier meats. After a couple seconds, thier server arrives to take thier orders; utterly disgusted and shocked at what she has just walked up on, the server yells "wtf do you guys think your...

An old man shuffled really slowly into an ice cream shop and said, “Can I have a banana split?”

Server: Sure. Crushed nuts?

Old man: No, Arthritis.

Why is there no rain in South Africa?

They forgot to /toggledownfall.

They also forgot to make their server private, so there's a decent bit of PvP and even PvE over there.

A chef was preparing for his busy Friday night shift…

A chef was preparing for his busy Friday night shift when his coworker called in sick. Friday nights were always busy at the restaurant and he was the only one working the kitchen. He decides to grab one of the busboys to help him cook for the night.

“Alright,” the chef says, “tonight is busy...

In a case of an extreme survival situation, you can drink your own urine.

Fortunately, the Reddit servers were back up before I could fill the can.

A Texan walks into a nice French Restaurant

He sits down, orders, and has the best meal of his life. With each bite, the pure joy he feels only intensifies. Course after course, his interest continually piqued and appetite always aroused.
As he nears the end of his meal, he orders a crepe for dessert, ice cream atop as a finishing touch. ...

How many restaurant managers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. One sitting in the back office looking at Reddit, one smoking a cigarette with the chef behind the kitchen and one sitting at the bar who will tell the hostess to ask a server to find a busser to change the light.

A monastery has a barbecue

It is usually prohibited for monks to eat meat, but the abbot one day realised that most monks had rarely eaten meat in their lifetime in the first place.

He decided that it would better for them to indulge in the taste and then learn to stave of the temptation of later consumption, so that ...

So a Buddhist goes to a hotdog stand.

And asks the server to "make me one with everything"

What is the difference between a website and a Hooters restaurant?

At the Hooters, it'd be nice if the servers went down on you.

A critic reserves a table at a popular restaurant

It's quite posh, but the restaurant's real claim to fame is the speed of service.

Sure enough, everything flows like clockwork. The diner is seated shortly after arriving, and a waiter arrives quickly to take his order.

While he's waiting for food, the man kids around the restaurant. T...

So There's This German Driving Game...

...with all these servers for multiplayer. One server has this automatic cheat-detection system that bans players if it thinks they're hacking at all.

Well unfortunately, there's this one stretch of one particular freeway where the road is so bad it blasts drivers off into the sky. The cheat ...

Three IT Guys walk into a bar.

Three I.T. Guys walk into a bar. A sysadmin, a help desk tech, and a network engineer.

The Network engineer immediately starts a conversation with everyone at the bar. The help desk tech orders a drink for himself and starts asking a crying girl how he can help solve her problems. The barten...

Why did the restaurant staff deem the waiters absence due to depression to be a technical issue?

Because their servers were down.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The true cause of the holocaust

Hitler was eating breakfast at a diner. When the server came, Hitler ordered scrambled eggs, pancakes, and a glass of juice. When his food came, he got his scrambled eggs, pancakes and glass of water. He asked the waiter," excuse me, where is my juice?" The waiter replied,"My apologies, your request...