UPJOKE
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Could you imagine if trump actually moved the files from govt servers to a private server?

That would be Hillaryous.

Edit: My first reddit silver! Thank you kindly!

Edit2: reddit gold?! You all are too good to me!

Server?

I hardly know her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The server joke

So a group of 4 sits down at their favorite restarant and starts chatting.
The server arrives at the table and greets them and starts his normal spiel.
The table is all listening but he sees the gentleman on his left just staring at his server apron.
Her looks at him and asked if there was...

A server walks up to a table of Karens and asks...

Good evening ladies. Is anything alright tonight?

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One day a blind man goes to a restaurant

One day a blind man goes to a restaurant

The server asked him if he’d like to see the menu

The blind man says: “no, I am blind, just bring me a dirty fork and I will smell it and order”.

The server, confused, goes to the kitchen, and brings back a dirty fork.

The blind...

Server: “how would you like your steak sir?”

Me: “like winning an argument with my wife”

Server: “rare it is”

A chat server has been opened for world leaders to talk to one another,

and the world has fallen into chaos and Discord.

What kind of servers do police hate?

FTP

Me as a server in a restaurant: "Do you wanna box for the rest of this food?"

Guest says yes, so I start to put on my gloves

I stopped my wife from waiving down our server at the Indian restaurant when they forgot the bread...

We got rice dishes so it was a naan-issue.

Many people are surprised by the engagement of Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian, but not me.

If I founded reddit I'd be searching for better servers too.

A panda walked into the restaurant where I work as a server.

He came in, found a table and sat down. Hesitantly, I approached and took his order. He ordered sooo much food. He ordered at least one of every entree. I faithfully took notes and read them back to him. Satisfied, he sent me away to give the orders to the kitchen staff.
I took a detour to ask m...

Reddit servers went down today, so I went downstairs and spoke with my family.

They seem like nice people.

My doctor used to work as a server

Every time a patient leaves, he said "Thanks, come again! Actually, nevermind."

I went to the Reddit restaurant

All of its servers were busy...

What’s the difference between Reddits servers and your Mom?

People are surprised when Reddits servers go down.

WebMD is updating its server

WebMD is updating its server because of a virus. Well, they think it was a virus, but it could also be malaria, kidney failure, cardiovascular diseases, dengue, or worst final stage of cancer with -30 days to live.

I asked my server for a cup of ice.

She asked “Ok, would you like some peas with that?”

I said “No, just ice. No peas”

*Reddit account completes one circle around Reddit's servers*

Redditors: Happy Cake Day!!!

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A man was eating at a restaurant ...

When he noticed all the servers had spoons in their pocket.

Curious, he asked his server “why do all of you carry spoons?”

“Oh that’s interesting,” replied the server. “Our manager attended a seminar and found out the spoon is the most frequently dropped utensil. This way we are alway...

Don't forget to tip your server, that's what they always say...

But then I got fired from the Google Datacenter.

Call of Duty Servers

Going Dark.

How are Xbox servers like hookers?

First they take my money, and then they go down on me.

Why was the restaurant server so heavy?

Because he is a weighter.

Two mathematicians walk into a bar...

and begin to argue about the intelligence of the waitresses. One mathematician gets up, and on his way to the bathroom stops his server. He tells her: "I'll give you $5 is you answer "one-third x cubed" to the next question I ask you, ok?"
The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician...

My buddy said I need to "get out more, stop messing around with computers and find a woman", but little does he know, I'm about to date a really hot ~20 year old server.

It's a Generation 6 Dell PowerEdge 1650 that I had to turn off because it burnt my rug and my best estimate is that it was made circa 2002.

How many stuttering Mexicans does it take to crash a server?

D--Dos

Some guy on a Minecraft server thought that I was a hermit

How dare he make such baseless accusations.

Well the EU servers are full

But they almost have one GB of extra space

A fight happened in my Christian Minecraft server

Nothing too big.Just a little "Frick"tion

Whenever I go out to eat I always tip my server.

I've also learned that servers have horrible balance.

Call of Duty servers

That’s the entire joke. What more did you expect?

I was in a new IT themed restaurant the other day...

When I walked in I could see the place decorated like the inside of a computer. The tables looked like motherboards, the placemats looked like keyboards, and the glasses looked like giant USB sticks. The host was there to greet me and he was dressed in the usual "nerd" attire - glasses, pocket prote...

What was Jeffrey Epstein's Minecraft Server called?

Miner's Welcome.

A Redditor walks into Reddit Restaurant...

All of our servers are busy right now. Please try again in a minute.

*at a fancy restaurant* Server: So, how did you find the food sir?

Me: It was easy. You put it on a plate and kept the plate right in front of me.

What did the client say to the server?

I GET you.

Damn girl, are you Hilary Clinton's email server?

Damn girl, are you Hilary Clinton's email server?
.
Because your incredibly insecure
.
Hahaha

Pokémon GO servers

Yeah, that's it.

Hey baby, are you a cloud server?

Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Cardi B and a Chipotle server?

They both take your money and leave you with a sore asshole, but a Chipotle server can wrap.

What goes down longer than a dirty street hooker?

Reddit's servers.

Why didn't the client tip the server?

Because they didn't have enough cache!

(Computer Science nerds unite! This is my original joke, I originally posted it on Imgflip last year with bad pun dog and it got a decent response.)

Two strings walk into a bar, bartender says “Hey we don’t server your kind here, get out.” Outside one of the strings says “ I have an idea, here help me”

the string proceeds to tie himself up and then dishevels the threads at the top of his head and at his feet. The string then walks back into the bar and orders a drink, bartender looks and says “hey aren’t you that string I just threw out?”

String says “ No , I am a frayed knot!”

I was told that tipping your server is normal in America

I was told that tipping your server is normal in America

But apparently this will get you fired as a systems administrator.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Let's go to Hooters!

Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other’s stories.

At **age 32** they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch. "Where do you wanna go?"
...

I hacked Russia's servers last night and got caught...

I was Putin jail.

A pastor, IT server admin and a Thai ladyboy walk into a bar

The bartender asks him what he would like to drink.

I haven’t had a server go down on me that long

since New Year at Hooters.
Edit for explanation: https://techcrunch.com/2016/08/11/reddit-is-currently-experiencing-a-major-outage/

Pokemon GO servers are like my life right now.

Up and down and disappointing anyone who knows what it is.

A server is carrying a tray of cheese when he sees a beautiful girl walk by.

He thinks of something to say and goes in for the kill. But on his way he slips on a wet spot, sending him sliding into an ice sculpture and spilling the cheese in a straight line behind him. People get up to help and start picking up cheese off the ground. The girl goes over to the server and asks ...

Daddy, what are clouds made of?

Linux servers, mostly.

A man goes to a tool store to buy a chainsaw. The server sells him the top-of-the-line model, saying that it will cut through over 100 trees in one day.

The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees.

“How can I cut for hours and hours and only finish two trees?” he asks himself.

Next day the man brings the chainsaw back to the store and says it doesn’t work prope...

A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.

He thought the manager said “Seize her salad!”

CoD WW2 is so realistic...

Even the servers are from 1941.

The server at the sandwich shop said that every sandwich comes with a free pickle.

I said, “That’s a really good dill.”

What do you have to allocate in order to crash a Minecraft server on purpose?

Premeditated Wam.

I had another server go down on me at work.

It’s just how I interview waiting staff.

Why did I spill root beer on a DNS server?

Just because ICANN.

Server friend was complaining about her pay at local restaurant

Server friend was complaining about her job at local restaurant.

So I say, "Don't worry. Good things come those who wait."

What did Hillary Clinton say when they took down her private email server?

R.I.P. My Inbox

I asked my web server engineer wife to give me head.

All I got was information and not the actual act.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many servers does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's not my fucking sidework.

I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players…

The servers are currently down...

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It has been mentioned that when cruises start sailing again, the buffets will all be staffed with servers instead of just serving yourself.

The saddest job will be the person who has to push the buttons on the pop dispenser.   Why?   Because it is "soda pressing".


I will see myself out.

A computer goes up to a guy at a restaurant...

It says, "I'll be your server today."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to this cool new restaurant in Vegas, the server woman came out nude with the menu painted all over her body.

She asked if I was ready to order, I said “ I know what I want, but I just can’t put my finger on it.”

A deaf man walks into a restaurant. He asks a server if he can use his credit card in the jukebox.

She replies “You can’t hear”

I was at a bar and the server was taking forever and never got anything right

Oh wait, the Reddit search engine isn't a bar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night at an Indian diner the server walks up to me and asks "Curry Ok Sir?"

I said "Alright, just one song and then you can fuck off".

What did the server say when the customer requested something they didn't have?

404

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I searched google for photos of Kim Kardashians asshole, but I think their servers are messed up.

All I get is photos of Kanye West

What do you call a folder on FBI's servers that contains all the intel on known child molesters?

A Pedo File.

Helium Walks into a bar and orders a beer the bartender says sorry we don,t server noble gases here

He Doesnt React

I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me. She gave her email and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down.

I couldn’t connect to the server

I am a server, and normally I do my job like I should. I handle workload like a charm, even though I rarely sleep.

So today I couldn't handle it anymore, and broke down. Today I crashed, and corrupted 57 GB worth of websites.

the servers were in such a hurry to set up the hors d'oeuvre tray that they forgot the crackers

they were cracka lackin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A proctologist decided to take the day off and play Call of Duty, there were lots of newbies in the server.

He rectum

Good news! Now that OnlyFans is getting rid of adult content

Your local restaurants will be able to hire servers again.

So it turns out Mike Pence used a private email server. When questioned he denied, saying he doesn't even use email.

Alternative Fax

L.P.T. Servers and waiters aren't really into you. You may believe they are flirting by giving you more attention...

... but in reality they just want the tip.

I went to an I.T.-themed restaurant the other day...

I went to an I.T.-themed restaurant the other day. It had motherboards on the walls, the placemats looked like keyboards, the cutlery had USB sticks for handles, you get the idea. But the waitstaff seemed sad. Really, really sad. The host was sighing as we walked to my table – he was a web developer...

I ordered rabbit stew at a pub the other day...

The server drops the rabbit stew off at my table and starts walking away.

I call him back and say, "There's a hare in my stew."

A king, a businessman and a network admin in hell.

A king, a businessman and a network admin meet the devil at the gates to hell.
- You can make one phone call, but you'd have to pay for it, - says the devil.
The king makes his call, asks who's the new ruler of the kingdom, was quickly assured that everything is fine, hangs the phone with ...

So Kim Jong-un is claiming he personally hacked into Sony's servers in retaliation to them broadcasting a spoof interview.

Is there no end to this Olympic gold Medallist's
talent?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is on vacation in Spain

He goes out to eat one night and notices a man at another table being served a plate of spaghetti with two large meatballs. He asks his server if he can have the same.

The server says “I’m afraid not, señor, because those are actually the testicles of bull killed today at the bull fight. But ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A distraught woman answered the door…

DISCLAIMER: I heard this 30 years ago and was told this was a true story. Then I heard a comedian tell it 20 years ago. I have no idea what the actual origin is so haters kindly please step off. Lol

==========

The nighttime festivities at a neighborhood pub were winding down when the b...

My IT friend tried to flirt with a waitress and failed miserably

I guess it wasn’t the first time he couldn’t connect to the server

An American goes to breakfast in a restaurant in Italy.

After the meal he looks at the coffee menu and orders an Espresso Ristretto, because the name sounds good. The server brings him a tiny coffee cup with a little coffee at the bottom. The American takes the cup, dumps the content in his mouth, makes few slushing sounds with his tongue and says to the...

A young man went in to a restaurant and ordered a standard eggs, bacon, toast and coffee breakfast. The server told him they were out of bread, would he like a biscuit...

So he got the biscuit instead. After eating, he headed home, but started to feel bad. His stomach was cramping and he was gassy. Why?


He was Lack Toast Intolerant!


You've been Dad joked on Father's day! Happy father's day fellow dad's!

What happens when a computer engineer fails flirting with a waitress?

Error in connecting to the server

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