A young man went in to a restaurant and ordered a standard eggs, bacon, toast and coffee breakfast. The server told him they were out of bread, would he like a biscuit...

So he got the biscuit instead. After eating, he headed home, but started to feel bad. His stomach was cramping and he was gassy. Why?


He was Lack Toast Intolerant!


You've been Dad joked on Father's day! Happy father's day fellow dad's!

A deaf man walks into a restaurant. He asks a server if he can use his credit card in the jukebox.

She replies “You can’t hear”

I am a server, and normally I do my job like I should. I handle workload like a charm, even though I rarely sleep.

So today I couldn't handle it anymore, and broke down. Today I crashed, and corrupted 57 GB worth of websites.

Well the EU servers are full

But they almost have one GB of extra space

Reddit servers went down today, so I went downstairs and spoke with my family.

They seem like nice people.

I went to this cool new restaurant in Vegas, the server woman came out nude with the menu painted all over her body.

She asked if I was ready to order, I said “ I know what I want, but I just can’t put my finger on it.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Cardi B and a Chipotle server?

They both take your money and leave you with a sore asshole, but a Chipotle server can wrap.

What goes down longer than a dirty street hooker?

Reddit's servers.

By popular demand, we now have a discord server. Join this

I know, I'm not very original. This is a re-post. But it's apparently a good one since it's always at the top of the list.

What did the client say to the server?

I GET you.

Obedient server!!

Rich Man : Michael (the Butler), for 30 years you have been bringing me coffee, filled to the brim, without even spilling a drop. How do you manage that over these stairs?


Michael: Sir, before I climb up the stairs I take a big sip, as I get upstairs, I put it back.


Unfortunate...

A man goes to a tool store to buy a chainsaw. The server sells him the top-of-the-line model, saying that it will cut through over 100 trees in one day.

The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees.

“How can I cut for hours and hours and only finish two trees?” he asks himself.

Next day the man brings the chainsaw back to the store and says it doesn’t work prope...

Why was the restaurant server so heavy?

Because he is a weighter.

What do you have to allocate in order to crash a Minecraft server on purpose?

Premeditated Wam.

the servers were in such a hurry to set up the hors d'oeuvre tray that they forgot the crackers

they were cracka lackin

Call of Duty servers

That’s the entire joke. What more did you expect?

The server at the sandwich shop said that every sandwich comes with a free pickle.

I said, “That’s a really good dill.”

I went to eat at a Mexican restaurant with my friend Sara.

She had recently been diagnosed lactose intolerant, and hadn't eaten dairy in months, so I was a little surprised she wanted to eat there.

Before the server could even ask if we wanted an appetizer, Sara blurted out "I haven't had cheese in forever. Bring us a cheese dip, and don't even bothe...

I was at a Chinese buffet filling up my plate when I noticed something move in one of the food trays.

I disregarded it and continued filling up my plate before heading back to the table.

After I finished I went up again and made sure to keep an eye on that tray and lo and behold something moved again! This time I get a better look and it appeared to be a pair of eyes pop up, see me and quick...

I went to the Reddit restaurant

All of its servers were busy...

Many people are surprised by the engagement of Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian, but not me.

If I founded reddit I'd be searching for better servers too.

A pastor, IT server admin and a Thai ladyboy walk into a bar

The bartender asks him what he would like to drink.

Daddy, what are clouds made of?

Linux servers, mostly.

I wish I could date Pokemon GO's servers

Because then she'd go down on me 5 times a day.

How many stuttering Mexicans does it take to crash a server?

D--Dos

A server is carrying a tray of cheese when he sees a beautiful girl walk by.

He thinks of something to say and goes in for the kill. But on his way he slips on a wet spot, sending him sliding into an ice sculpture and spilling the cheese in a straight line behind him. People get up to help and start picking up cheese off the ground. The girl goes over to the server and asks ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I searched google for photos of Kim Kardashians asshole, but I think their servers are messed up.

All I get is photos of Kanye West

A panda walks into a steakhouse...

*A panda walks into a steakhouse.*

Panda: Can I get some bamboo?

Server: Sorry, we only have steak here.

Panda: I'll have some steak then.

*The panda eats the steak.*

Server: So how was the food?

Panda: It was one of the most delicious meals I've ever had!...

A king, a businessman and a network admin in hell.

A king, a businessman and a network admin meet the devil at the gates to hell.
- You can make one phone call, but you'd have to pay for it, - says the devil.
The king makes his call, asks who's the new ruler of the kingdom, was quickly assured that everything is fine, hangs the phone with ...

Two mathematicians walk into a bar...

and begin to argue about the intelligence of the waitresses. One mathematician gets up, and on his way to the bathroom stops his server. He tells her: "I'll give you $5 is you answer "one-third x cubed" to the next question I ask you, ok?"
The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guest dining in a classy restaurant drops his spoon before finishing his soup. (Nsfw)

Before he could reach down to pick it up, a server was already standing next to him holding a replacement.
"Wow! That was tremendously fast. The service here is impeccable. How did you do that?."
"Well, all of the servers here have an extra piece of cutlery on their tray at all times just...

Hooters

Two men grow up together, but after college one moves to Maryland and
the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to
play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hoo...

A Redditor walks into Reddit Restaurant...

All of our servers are busy right now. Please try again in a minute.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A proctologist decided to take the day off and play Call of Duty, there were lots of newbies in the server.

He rectum

What do you call a folder on FBI's servers that contains all the intel on known child molesters?

A Pedo File.

I hacked Russia's servers last night and got caught...

I was Putin jail.

Damn girl, are you Hilary Clinton's email server?

Damn girl, are you Hilary Clinton's email server?
.
Because your incredibly insecure
.
Hahaha

Why didn't the client tip the server?

Because they didn't have enough cache!

(Computer Science nerds unite! This is my original joke, I originally posted it on Imgflip last year with bad pun dog and it got a decent response.)

So it turns out Mike Pence used a private email server. When questioned he denied, saying he doesn't even use email.

Alternative Fax

I haven’t had a server go down on me that long

since New Year at Hooters.
Edit for explanation: https://techcrunch.com/2016/08/11/reddit-is-currently-experiencing-a-major-outage/

I was at a bar and the server was taking forever and never got anything right

Oh wait, the Reddit search engine isn't a bar.

Hey baby, are you a cloud server?

Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.

I don't need a girlfriend, I can just play Pokémon Go

The servers go down on me every day

A Chinese food place tried to charge me for 1,000kg worth of food

The server told me she thought I had ordered the one tonne soup.

What did Hillary Clinton say when they took down her private email server?

R.I.P. My Inbox

L.P.T. Servers and waiters aren't really into you. You may believe they are flirting by giving you more attention...

... but in reality they just want the tip.

Pokemon GO servers are like my life right now.

Up and down and disappointing anyone who knows what it is.

What happens when the PS and XBOX servers go down?

The ambulance comes lights and sirens, "WII-U WII-U WII-U"
I'm sorry, I'll leave now ._.

What kind of computer does the Tumblr servers run on?

Not a binary one, thats for sure.

I was told that tipping your server is normal in America

I was told that tipping your server is normal in America

But apparently this will get you fired as a systems administrator.

Whats the difference between the Titanic and EA servers.

The Titanic only went down once.

Helium Walks into a bar and orders a beer the bartender says sorry we don,t server noble gases here

He Doesnt React

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night at an Indian diner the server walks up to me and asks "Curry Ok Sir?"

I said "Alright, just one song and then you can fuck off".

I used to work in food service, now I work in IT

The biggest difference is the phrase "My server went down on me" is no longer a good thing.

I had another server go down on me at work.

It’s just how I interview waiting staff.

Why are restaurants great places for networking?

Because they have a lot of servers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many servers does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's not my fucking sidework.

A Cowboy is riding his horse on his first trip to cowtown when he reaches a fork in the road...

At the fork, there is a sign which reads "Reddit go right, cowtown go left." The cowboy, confused and having never heard of Reddit, decides to give in to his curiosity and go right.

After riding for a mile or so on the path, he reaches another fork. This sign reads "Reddit go right, cowtown ...

Why did I spill root beer on a DNS server?

Just because ICANN.

A guy walks into a restaurant, sits at the counter.

He starts looking thru the menu, and sees 'chili'. "Oh, I haven't had a decent bowl of chilli in a long time".
Asks the server for the chili, and she says "sorry dear, the gentleman next to you got the last bowl"


He notices the gentleman next to him with a bowl of chili, but he'...

Two admins meet at work

"A friend of mine was able to shut down the main server just in 5 minutes!"
"Wow. He is a hacker?"
"No. Just an idiot."

Server friend was complaining about her pay at local restaurant

Server friend was complaining about her job at local restaurant.

So I say, "Don't worry. Good things come those who wait."

I asked my web server engineer wife to give me head.

All I got was information and not the actual act.

So Kim Jong-un is claiming he personally hacked into Sony's servers in retaliation to them broadcasting a spoof interview.

Is there no end to this Olympic gold Medallist's
talent?

At the bookstore

Customer : Do you have any books on turtles

Server : Hard back ?

Customer : Yeah, with little heads

A robot tried to start a conversation with an attractive waitress

## But he wasn't so successful in doing so. The error message read:

Error: failed to establish connection with server.

Why are the reddit servers down so much?

Because they're being beaten like a dead horse.

Calculus joke...

Two college professors are having lunch at a local diner.

John (a math professor) says "you know, it really is sad how very little the general population understands higher math."

Bill (a physics professor) responds "There you go again with your holier-than-thou attitude, I'm sure more...

Two men walk into a restaurant and sit down.

A very beautiful waitress comes to their table to serve them. The first man orders, then the woman looks to the second man.

“And what would you like?” she asks.

The man smiles at the server and answers: “A quickie.”

The waitress screws up her face in total disgust. “What did yo...

I went to a Soviet era Russia restaurant once.

I waited 20 minutes for the food and then the server came and told me, "sorry we don't serve food here."

Where does an IT Professional buy his agricutural produce?

At the Server-Farm.

Attention Nerds!

It would be so much easier if humans came with an error message just like computers do.
Imagine sitting in a restaurant and failing miserably at flirting with the waitress.
"Warning! Error establishing connection with the Server"

To err is human . . .

But to REALLY foul things up you need a Facebook server

Three Blondes Walk into a Bar...

They get a table and order a round of drinks. When the server brings the drinks over, the blondes clink the glasses together and say, "A toast to 36 hours!"


The blondes order several more rounds, and each time they make the same toast to 36 hours. After the fourth round, the server give...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIFU by messing my teams multi milion dollar project

So i work for this big organization that has been working on quite an important project. That is, to take a picture of a certain object.
I am a temp and my job was to move the file from our local server to a safe drive so we can move the file (yes the file is that big) to another center. ...

A man and woman go out to a fancy restaurant

When they walk in, they see the host is an attractive young man. The woman walks up to him and says "I'm interested in a quickie." The young host is flustered and quickly finds them a table. Just as they sit down, the server walks up to take their order. Again, the woman says "I'm interested in a qu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a restaurant in Spain

He sits down at his table and notices a man enjoying a interesting meal. He asks the server what is the man over at the other table eating? The server responds that he is eating Bulls Balls. After a bull fight and the bull is killed you can order and eat his balls. There is a bull fight tonight and...

A priest stands up to do his sermon.

He starts. He says "We all called in different ways."

As soon as he says that, the altar server drops the gospel which he was taking away from the lectern. He then shuffles to pick it up and accidentally rips it with his foot and falls over, hitting the tabanacle and spilling the bread and t...

A man goes into a fastfood resturant

He orders a cheeseburger and asks the server if it will be long



The cashier looks confused for a second and replies no. It will be round like all the others

CoD WW2 is so realistic...

Even the servers are from 1941.

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