My doctor used to work as a server

Every time a patient leaves, he said "Thanks, come again! Actually, nevermind."

Good news! Now that OnlyFans is getting rid of adult content

Your local restaurants will be able to hire servers again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Going To Hooters

Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to New York and the other to Washington.
They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch. "Where you wanna go?" "Hooters." "...

What happens when a computer engineer fails flirting with a waitress?

Error in connecting to the server

Don't forget to tip your server, that's what they always say...

But then I got fired from the Google Datacenter.

What’s the difference between Reddits servers and your Mom?

People are surprised when Reddits servers go down.

What kind of servers do police hate?

FTP

Some guy on a Minecraft server thought that I was a hermit

How dare he make such baseless accusations.

How do you keep a redditor in suspense?

all of our servers are busy right now

please try again in a minute

An American goes to a restaurant in Italy for breakfast.

After the meal he looks at the coffee menu and orders an Espresso Ristretto, because the name sounds good. The server brings him a tiny coffee cup with a little coffee at the bottom. The American takes the cup, dumps the content in his mouth, makes few slushing sounds with his tongue and says to t...

Could you imagine if trump actually moved the files from govt servers to a private server?

That would be Hillaryous.

Edit: My first reddit silver! Thank you kindly!

Edit2: reddit gold?! You all are too good to me!

Mid life career change

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "So what do you do?" the bartender chats him up. "Well I used to work in food service, but I just got a new job in IT," the guy says. "How was it changing careers?" the bartender asks. "Well, you know, a job is a job. I guess the biggest difference is that t...

I asked my server for a cup of ice.

She asked “Ok, would you like some peas with that?”

I said “No, just ice. No peas”

Is the Google server down?

Don’t ask me.......just google it if you don’t know.

At the Last Supper, the server is bringing in bread and stubs his toe...

"Ow! Jesus Christ!"

Jesus: "Yes, my son?"

I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me. She gave her email and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down.

I couldn’t connect to the server

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The worst joke in the world

WW3 breaks out and the President authorizes use of the most powerful weapon ever made, a joke so bad it causes instant death to the listener. The problem is, it was said to be developed in revolutionary times by British expats and nobody could remember where it has been stashed away.

To find...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A New Male Server in Texas was Arrested for Unsolicited Sex. His reasoning?

“Well, I asked her what I could get her and she said, Mountain Dew Me, and so I did her right there.”

*Reddit account completes one circle around Reddit's servers*

Redditors: Happy Cake Day!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It has been mentioned that when cruises start sailing again, the buffets will all be staffed with servers instead of just serving yourself.

The saddest job will be the person who has to push the buttons on the pop dispenser.   Why?   Because it is "soda pressing".


I will see myself out.

A football player was famished after a big game, so he ordered a large pizza.

The server asked him if he wanted it cut into 8 or 10 pieces. He said, "Just eight thanks, I'm hungry but I don't think I could eat ten."

*at a fancy restaurant* Server: So, how did you find the food sir?

Me: It was easy. You put it on a plate and kept the plate right in front of me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Things I've learned from video games

My mother has been fucked to death many times.

I'm really a cigarette in disguise.

I'm also actually of African descent, my father will be very upset to find that one out. Though my real father is probably one of those random people who fucked her to death.

A lot of people are m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was eating at a restaurant ...

When he noticed all the servers had spoons in their pocket.

Curious, he asked his server “why do all of you carry spoons?”

“Oh that’s interesting,” replied the server. “Our manager attended a seminar and found out the spoon is the most frequently dropped utensil. This way we are alway...

NASA Scientists were eagerly waiting for the rover to send back the first sounds from Mars.

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people were huddled around a lab station for hou...

Reddit servers went down today, so I went downstairs and spoke with my family.

They seem like nice people.

How are Xbox servers like hookers?

First they take my money, and then they go down on me.

High End Restaurant

A very well dressed (tailored suit, silk tie, bespoke shoes etc) elegant older customer ordered the very best on the menu resulting in a very large tab.
At the end of the meal he was presented with the bill.
He said to the server, “I don’t know if you remember, but many years ago I was a bit d...

A man goes to a tool store to buy a chainsaw. The server sells him the top-of-the-line model, saying that it will cut through over 100 trees in one day.

The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees.

“How can I cut for hours and hours and only finish two trees?” he asks himself.

Next day the man brings the chainsaw back to the store and says it doesn’t work prope...

Whenever I go out to eat I always tip my server.

I've also learned that servers have horrible balance.

A fight happened in my Christian Minecraft server

Nothing too big.Just a little "Frick"tion

My IT friend tried to flirt with a waitress and failed miserably

I guess it wasn’t the first time he couldn’t connect to the server

Well the EU servers are full

But they almost have one GB of extra space

Call of Duty Servers

Going Dark.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to this cool new restaurant in Vegas, the server woman came out nude with the menu painted all over her body.

She asked if I was ready to order, I said “ I know what I want, but I just can’t put my finger on it.”

Why was the restaurant server so heavy?

Because he is a weighter.

Why can't a computer play tennis?

server unavailable

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Cardi B and a Chipotle server?

They both take your money and leave you with a sore asshole, but a Chipotle server can wrap.

Her: Remember that time in that one restaurant when the server wouldn't let you get new cutlery yourself?

Him: Yes it was un-fork gettable.

What was Jeffrey Epstein's Minecraft Server called?

Miner's Welcome.

I wish I could date Pokemon GO's servers

Because then she'd go down on me 5 times a day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Billy spots a pack of condoms

Billy is out shopping with his father at the supermarket when Billy sees a condom stand, each displaying server packages of condoms. He points to a three pack and asks " what is this for?" "That's for when you're in high school" explains his father. "You use one on Friday night and two on Saturday n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Catholic priest, a Buddhist monk, and an atheist walk into a bar

The three sit down, order, and start chatting while enjoying their drinks, discuss why they believe what they do.

The Priest says "I try to live by the Word of God and love my neighbor as I love myself, showing my flock the same philosophy. By accepting this into my heart, I hope to earn my ...

A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.

He thought the manager said “Seize her salad!”

A “joke” my friend made up in middle school to prove I’d laugh at anything (I cried laughing unfortunately)

A man walks into a bar and takes a seat. The server comes up to him and says: “what’ll you have?”

The man says “I’ll take blood in a monkey glass”.

The bartender says “excuse me?”

The man says “blood in a monkey glass, ya know just...blood in a monkey glass”

The bartender...

Many people are surprised by the engagement of Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian, but not me.

If I founded reddit I'd be searching for better servers too.

I am a server, and normally I do my job like I should. I handle workload like a charm, even though I rarely sleep.

So today I couldn't handle it anymore, and broke down. Today I crashed, and corrupted 57 GB worth of websites.

How many stuttering Mexicans does it take to crash a server?

D--Dos

What did the client say to the server?

I GET you.

A deaf man walks into a restaurant. He asks a server if he can use his credit card in the jukebox.

She replies “You can’t hear”

Two lawyers sit in a restaurant.

They're eating homemade sandwiches.
The server comes along and stops them: "Excuse me, but it is not allowed to bring your own food here"

The lawyers share a glance, sigh and trade the sandwiches.

I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players…

The servers are currently down...

Why did the restaurant staff deem the waiters absence due to depression to be a technical issue?

Because their servers were down.

The server at the sandwich shop said that every sandwich comes with a free pickle.

I said, “That’s a really good dill.”

A Blonde goes to a shop and selects a TV for purchase.

Blonde: Hey I would like to buy that Television!

Shopkeeper: Sorry! We don't serve blondes.

*The Blonde gets furious and leaves. She comes back with a brown wig the day after.*

Blonde: I'd like to buy that Television over there

Shopkeeper: Nice try with the Wig, but we do...

What do you have to allocate in order to crash a Minecraft server on purpose?

Premeditated Wam.

Call of Duty servers

That’s the entire joke. What more did you expect?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is on vacation in Spain

He goes out to eat one night and notices a man at another table being served a plate of spaghetti with two large meatballs. He asks his server if he can have the same.

The server says “I’m afraid not, señor, because those are actually the testicles of bull killed today at the bull fight. But ...

Damn girl, are you Hilary Clinton's email server?

Damn girl, are you Hilary Clinton's email server?
.
Because your incredibly insecure
.
Hahaha

A server is carrying a tray of cheese when he sees a beautiful girl walk by.

He thinks of something to say and goes in for the kill. But on his way he slips on a wet spot, sending him sliding into an ice sculpture and spilling the cheese in a straight line behind him. People get up to help and start picking up cheese off the ground. The girl goes over to the server and asks ...

I ordered rabbit stew at a pub the other day...

The server drops the rabbit stew off at my table and starts walking away.

I call him back and say, "There's a hare in my stew."

A pastor, IT server admin and a Thai ladyboy walk into a bar

The bartender asks him what he would like to drink.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A proctologist decided to take the day off and play Call of Duty, there were lots of newbies in the server.

He rectum

What goes down longer than a dirty street hooker?

Reddit's servers.

the servers were in such a hurry to set up the hors d'oeuvre tray that they forgot the crackers

they were cracka lackin

What do you call a folder on FBI's servers that contains all the intel on known child molesters?

A Pedo File.

Hey baby, are you a cloud server?

Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.

I haven’t had a server go down on me that long

since New Year at Hooters.
Edit for explanation: https://techcrunch.com/2016/08/11/reddit-is-currently-experiencing-a-major-outage/

A young man went in to a restaurant and ordered a standard eggs, bacon, toast and coffee breakfast. The server told him they were out of bread, would he like a biscuit...

So he got the biscuit instead. After eating, he headed home, but started to feel bad. His stomach was cramping and he was gassy. Why?


He was Lack Toast Intolerant!


You've been Dad joked on Father's day! Happy father's day fellow dad's!

I was told that tipping your server is normal in America

I was told that tipping your server is normal in America

But apparently this will get you fired as a systems administrator.

I hacked Russia's servers last night and got caught...

I was Putin jail.

What is Israel's favorite email server?

Netan-yahoo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I searched google for photos of Kim Kardashians asshole, but I think their servers are messed up.

All I get is photos of Kanye West

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a midnight dreary

Once upon a midnight dreary,

While I pron surfed,

Weak and weary,

Over many strange and spurious of ‘hot xxx galore’

While I clicked my fav’rite site,

Suddenly there came a warning,

And my heart was filled with a mourning,

Mourning for my dear amo...

Helium Walks into a bar and orders a beer the bartender says sorry we don,t server noble gases here

He Doesnt React

What did Hillary Clinton say when they took down her private email server?

R.I.P. My Inbox

So it turns out Mike Pence used a private email server. When questioned he denied, saying he doesn't even use email.

Alternative Fax

Pokemon GO servers are like my life right now.

Up and down and disappointing anyone who knows what it is.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night at an Indian diner the server walks up to me and asks "Curry Ok Sir?"

I said "Alright, just one song and then you can fuck off".

Daddy, what are clouds made of?

Linux servers, mostly.

Pokémon GO servers

Yeah, that's it.

IT Bulletin: Connectivity in the Bathrooms

Why do client-server applications stop working in the restrooms?

It's all peer-to-peer communications in there.

Why didn't the client tip the server?

Because they didn't have enough cache!

(Computer Science nerds unite! This is my original joke, I originally posted it on Imgflip last year with bad pun dog and it got a decent response.)

What happened to the single IT technician when he tried to flirt with a barista at a cafe?

He was unable to make a connection to the server

I was at a bar and the server was taking forever and never got anything right

Oh wait, the Reddit search engine isn't a bar.

Why did I spill root beer on a DNS server?

Just because ICANN.

L.P.T. Servers and waiters aren't really into you. You may believe they are flirting by giving you more attention...

... but in reality they just want the tip.

What kind of computer does the Tumblr servers run on?

Not a binary one, thats for sure.

So I've been watching Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmare clips, but one video wouldn't load

There was a problem with the server

Why did the founder of Reddit, Alexis Ohanian, get married to the tennis superstar Serena Williams?

Redditors are always looking for better servers.

Server friend was complaining about her pay at local restaurant

Server friend was complaining about her job at local restaurant.

So I say, "Don't worry. Good things come those who wait."

Two mathematicians walk into a bar...

and begin to argue about the intelligence of the waitresses. One mathematician gets up, and on his way to the bathroom stops his server. He tells her: "I'll give you $5 is you answer "one-third x cubed" to the next question I ask you, ok?"
The server nods, and walks away. When the mathematician...

I was at a Chinese buffet filling up my plate when I noticed something move in one of the food trays.

I disregarded it and continued filling up my plate before heading back to the table.

After I finished I went up again and made sure to keep an eye on that tray and lo and behold something moved again! This time I get a better look and it appeared to be a pair of eyes pop up, see me and quick...

I had another server go down on me at work.

It’s just how I interview waiting staff.

So Kim Jong-un is claiming he personally hacked into Sony's servers in retaliation to them broadcasting a spoof interview.

Is there no end to this Olympic gold Medallist's
talent?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many servers does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's not my fucking sidework.

An American is in Italian prison

"How'd you get here?" his cellmate asks.

"Well," he replies, "I went to go visit that famous leaning tower and then decided to get a slice of fresh pizza. I sit down and the server comes to take my order. I asked what's good and the server went down the list. Neapolitan, Giuseppe, Pugliese, N...

I asked my web server engineer wife to give me head.

All I got was information and not the actual act.

To the people that say all lives matter, I disagree.

There are people out there that still yell at their servers.

CoD WW2 is so realistic...

Even the servers are from 1941.

A king, a businessman and a network admin in hell.

A king, a businessman and a network admin meet the devil at the gates to hell.
- You can make one phone call, but you'd have to pay for it, - says the devil.
The king makes his call, asks who's the new ruler of the kingdom, was quickly assured that everything is fine, hangs the phone with ...

I went to eat at a Mexican restaurant with my friend Sara.

She had recently been diagnosed lactose intolerant, and hadn't eaten dairy in months, so I was a little surprised she wanted to eat there.

Before the server could even ask if we wanted an appetizer, Sara blurted out "I haven't had cheese in forever. Bring us a cheese dip, and don't even bothe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Free food isn't always the best

Tiffany and her coworkers are all servers and busboys at a busy seafood restaurant. Most of the food is higher end, and the plates can be pricey. The staff sees no problem with cleaning up the patrons' scraps, because they graze the leftovers at the same time.

A regular, Charlie, a man in h...

[long] My company is locked down and I am required to work from home

I'm used to working in an open office space so this is a huge change for me. In order to make the transition as easy as possible, I have prepared my home office so remind me of work.

* I've purchased a piece of Limburger cheese and placed it on a plate in the middle of the room to remind me o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Bear Walks Into A Bar

A bear walks into a bar and asks for a drink.

“We don’t serve beers to bears in this bar,” the bartender responds.

The bear points his muzzle at an old guy next to him, and tells the drink slinger, “If you don’t give me a beer, I’m going to maul that guy.”

The bartender shrugs, ...

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