If you lose one of your senses, your other sense are enhanced.

This is why people with no sense of humour have a heightened sense of self-importance.

Those hedge funds should have known they'd lose money by shorting GME.

As for us Gamestop customers, we fully expect to sell something for $20 and have to spend $500 when we want to buy it back.

You can’t lose a homing pigeon.

If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, then what you’ve lost is a pigeon.

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An 18-year old boy and his girlfriend are going camping for the weekend and plan to lose their virginity to each other

Bursting with excitement, the boy walks into a drug store to buy some condoms. He notices they come in packs of 3, 6, and 12.

He's a bit confused, so he calls the clerk over, and asks “Excuse me sir, but why are the condoms packaged this way?”

The kindly old clerk replies, with a sly g...

Man.. you stomp on just one mouse till it's dead.. And everyone loses their mind and I get in a ton of trouble.

Disneyland sucks.

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I think I'm going to lose my driver's license...

and all just because of a stupid police officer...

The conversation went like this when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Ima...

Why did the mustard lose the race between sauces?

Because it couldn't ketchup

A mother asked her son to lose their cat somewhere in the jungle.

The boy obeyed. The boy returned home and reported to his mom.

Son: Mom! I led the cat far into the jungle. I even got lost!!

Mother: How were you able to come back home?

Son: I followed the cat.

Why don't brittish people lose in chess?

Because their queen doesn't die.

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Why did Hitler lose WWII?

Simple, scissors beats paper

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Whats the best thing to lose your virginity to

A human

My son was playing a Zelda game and I told him it was more effective to lose health during the summer and winter seasons. Confused, he asked why?

I said, that way you don't take any Fall damage.

A COVID nurse asked me ‘so sir when did you first begin to lose your sense of taste’

I replied ‘Hey! Riverdale is a good show’

If you lose your sense of smell due to Covid, here's a simple fix.

Just reset to olfactory settings.

Five Detroit Tigers fans, Al, Ben, Carl, Dan, and Edgar, are watching a home game for the Tigers. Of course, the Tigers easily lose, and the five fans leave the stadium angrily.

"If those players had played better, we could have won," said Al.

"Don't blame the players, blame the coach," said Ben. "If he had trained the players better, they would have played better."

"Those players couldn't play a decent game if their lives depended on it," said Carl. "But it's...

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A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble and he loses all his money. He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone number, but the driver told him, "Get the fuck out of my cab!"

He walked all the way to the airport and got home.

Some times rolls by and he decides to go back to Vegas again and this time he wins BIG.

He gets his bags and is ready for the airport with all his new winnings.

There are a line of cabs and at the very end he sees the driver fro...

Husband tired of His lazy wife sitting all day on the couch told Her: If You keep doing this you will lose your womb for being too lazy.

Next morning He found Her asleep on the same spot and quickly went to the meat shop and bought a whole cow liver, went back home and carefully placed it right by her crotch and left to work.
When He came back home found His wife crying and had a pale face. He said whats wrong?

Wife: I los...

Why can't redditors lose weight?

Because their diet is mostly copypasta.

Walstreet is gonna lose $70 billion this Friday according to AP news. How much did it cost redditors?

tree fiddy

It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

Or a subreddit costs you $70 billion.

A man thinks that his wife is losing her hearing

He is getting very frustrated with her because of it, but she denies it when he confronts her about it. So one day he decides to set up an experiment to prove it to her.

He takes her out to the field behind their house and he places his wife at 100 yards away from him and shouts “Dolores!” H...

If your sparkling water loses it's bubbles, that's ok...

It's still water.

People say that stress can make you lose your hair...

and pulling your hair can be a root problem.

I didn't lose my job

I know right where it is. They just don't want me there anymore

Why did Thor lose his lightning powers?

His father grounded him.

Why did Johnny Depp lose his court case?

Because he didn't have Heard immunity

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On a Trans-Atlantic Flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it! Screaming.

she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?" For a moment ...

Covid made me lose complete control of my arms.

It’s the weirdest side effect I’ve heard of, hands down.

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Dave loses his Licence

There was this guy David, just turned eighteen, the last three months all he's been talking about is his birthday, about tonight, all his mates are coming along to the local, his mum's coming, his dad, his sisters and brothers, guys from school, guys from work, his girlfriend, her mum, her dad, it's...

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Edgy people on reddit are always talking about how the got nothing to lose...

Seems like they forgot about their virginity

Which ethnicity can never win or lose?

Thai

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A priest is riding a cab

A priest gets a taxi. While driving, the taxi driver is being extremely obnoxious. Every time the car gets into a small pit in the road, the taxi driver says "Fuck!" or "Shit!". The priest is silent. Then they accidentally hit a pothole, and the taxi driver goes "Motherfucker!". Then they hit a crac...

Why did the DevOps engineer lose his job and his girlfriend?

Because he couldn't commit

I only have two new years resolutions. One: to lose the weight I gained since the accident.

Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'

At the beginning of this year I made a New Year's resolution to lose 10 pounds....

...Only 15 pounds to go!

A man loses the ability to hear lighter sounds.

He had worn headphones at high volume for too long.

One day, he went to the Doctor for his monthly checkup. He was sitting with the Doctor. The Doctor kept talking and talking for a long time. The deaf man then said:

"Sorry, I can't understand what you're saying. Usually I can heard s...

Why did the plank lose his job?

He wasn't board certified

What body parts always lose?

Da' feet.

(I heard this one on the radio on the way to work)

Why did Trump lose?

Too many red flags.

Why can't a British person ever lose a chess game?

Their Queen never dies.

A blonde is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. The doctor exclaims, "That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?"

The blonde nods. "But, I thought I was going to drop dead every third day from all the skipping!"

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A man loses his penis in an industrial accident

Through the wonders of modern medicine, plastic surgeons are able to reconstruct his penis using tissue from an elephant’s trunk. After a full year of recovery and therapy, he’s finally cleared to use his new penis

So he takes his beautiful girlfriend out for a nice meal at a fancy restauran...

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An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any ...

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Bro, you really don't want to get into a dick-measuring contest with me. Trust me, you'll lose.

I'm really good at measuring dicks.

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Went to the doctors and asked, "What's the best exercise to lose weight?"

He said, "just shake your head"

I said, "How often?"

He replied, "whenever someone offers you food you fat cunt!"

Why don't foot amputees really care when they lose a game?

Because they are used to being defeated.

If this year has taught us anything, it’s that Donald Trump is a regular American citizen

He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job

Trump has done in 4 years what 80% of presidents fail to do in 8 years

Lose an election.

I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $855 to cover the loss.

I’m starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.

Why did the hamburger lose the race?

‘Cause he couldn’t carry his buns!

Easily lose weight by cutting these two things out of your diet:

Breakfast and dinner.

My dad told me this joke please laugh.

I love my girlfriend. She's always there for me, she's super smart, and she really understands me. But I've caught her talking to other guys. Lots of other guys. I want to tell her she has to choose me or them, but I'm afraid I'll lose her if I do.

Her name is Alexa.

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An old guy loses his wife.

Frustrated and looking for a new life, the guy sells everything except his SUV, converts them to a bar of gold, takes his daughter with him and starts a journey to the unknown.

On the road, bandits stop them, ask for everything they have. Girl sees that they have no chance, so she puts the ba...

I'm on a no seafood diet to lose weight

It's low crab.

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A make a wish kid wished to lose his virginity

But they cured his stage 4 cancer instead...

When telling a fat man to lose weight you should not sugar coat it

Because he will eat that too

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For many, figuring out who to give the free Reddit award will be similar to choosing who to lose your virginity to.

For some: it’s not a big deal, you’ll have fun with it, and it’ll be whoever you see in the moment.

For others: you’ll overthink it and fumble deciding. Soon the moment will pass and you’ll be a virgin forever.

Why did Ronald lose the election?

People thought his elect Ron campaign was too negative.

How do people lose their kids in the mall......?

Seriously, any tips would be greatly appreciated.

Once a certain donkey driver turned to Khoja Nasreddin: “Oh, wise one, explain one thing to me, otherwise I will lose my mind.”

\- I was given ten donkeys to drive to another city, and I hit the road. Before the road, I counted them, there were 10. I sat on a donkey and we drove off. On the way, I decided to count the donkeys again, and, to my horror, there were nine of them. Then I decided to make a halt, dismounted, and ag...

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I just read the average age to lose your virginity is 17 years old.

I’m finally above average for something.

Biden and Trump compete against each other in an election. Who loses?

The American people

Trump still has a chance at 270

All he has to do is lose 50lbs.

What do you say to people who threaten to leave the country, if Trump loses?

Good Biden.

An atom loses an electron…

it says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”

What does Eustace say when he loses in an EA game?

*"That's it, I am getting me wallet."*

Luckily, after contracting COVID 19, Donald Trump got back to full health. It would be a huge tragedy for the whole world to lose him...

...before he did his time.

What do you call the conniption someone has after they lose bigly?

A trumper tantrum.

I needed to lose some weight so I went on a 3 month diet plan. I don't want to brag, but...

...I just finished it in 72 hours.

My sister wanted to lose weight so she ran 3-5 km a day for 2 months.

She's now in Mexico

If Trump loses the election at least he’ll get a movie deal

The Lyin’ King

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the sale...

There guy goes to a weight loss clinic and says he needs to lose 20 lbs.

The receptionist sends him upstairs, where he finds a beautiful naked woman with a sign that says "If you catch me, you can screw me." An hour later, he emerges, sated and 20 lbs. lighter. A month later, he returns and needs to lose 50 lbs. The receptionist sends him upstairs again, but this time ...

From the Newsdesk: Television Star turned Politician loses bid for reelection amidst corruption allegations...

Our request for a comment from Sideshow Bob's campaign staff was declined

"I think I might be coming down with COVID because I'm losing my sense of hearing."

"No, with COVID you lose your sense of smell"

"What?"

A boxer loses both of his arms

This joke doesn’t have a punch line anymore

Where does a dog go when it loses it’s tail and needs a new one?

A retail store.

Link: when I get hurt I lose hearts

**Sonic:** when I get hurt I drop rings

**Mario: *[self conscious about his height]*:** can-a we talk about-a something else-a?

What do you call a Mexican that loses their car?

Carlos

What do you call a total-lose-lose situation?

A 2020 presidential debate

A husband and wife were relaxing at home when all of a sudden it started to snow...

Their show was interrupted by a news broadcast instructing everyone to park on the west side of the street to allow the snow plows to run.
The woman jumps up and grabs her keys to move her car immediately.
The next night the snow is still unrelenting and the broadcast instructs everyone to p...

Excuse me, did anyone lose a large roll of 20 dollar bills in a rubber band?

Because I found the 20 dollar bills...

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I'm gonna lose my mind if someone says they cant breathe or talk wearing a face mask

I had a girl in my basement for seven months wearing a ball gag and she's fine

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A man was trying to lose weight

A man was trying to lose weight and stumbled upon an advertisement by a company that advertised weight loss of 10 pounds over the course of just one week. He decided he had nothing to lose so he decided to give it a try.

The very next day his training sessions started. He was greeted by a stu...

A man is on his deathbed, and he asks his wife...

“Martha, soon I will be gone forever, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years of marriage, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for...

This woman goes to her doctor complaining about her husbands anger, as he seems to just flip out on her and lose his temper constantly...

...the doctor makes a suggestion, "Ok, here's what I want you to do, anytime that you feel like your husband is about to get flip out, I want you to go the kitchen, pour yourself a glass of water, and then take a swig and keep swilling it around your mouth until he calms down"...

The woman, p...

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The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded affirmatively...

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded once more.

"So..." the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-...

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[Long] I met a pirate...

At least, I think he was a pirate. I never asked, but he had an eye patch over one eye, a wooden leg, a hook where his hand should be, and a parrot on his shoulder. So I was pretty sure he was a pirate. Also, we were on the boardwalk by the beach, so I figured that's as likely a place as any for a p...

Four buddies caught up for coffee many years after high school. Each bragging to the other how successful and wealthy they’ve become.

The first guy said, “See that bank building across the street? I am going to buy it within the next six months.”

The second guy then said, “See that hotel building next to the bank? I am going to buy it within the next month.”

Not wanting to lose out, the third guy quickly said, “See t...

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A fat guy decides to lose some weight

He heard that a company is running a special weight-loss program. Curious, he decided to sign up for a session.


He is taken to a basketball court. Standing in the middle of the court is a naked woman with a sign around her neck.


"If you catch me, you can fuck me in the ass....

How to lose weight.

When I lost 104 pounds, people asked me how I did it.

I asked “Do you think you can lose one pound?” They said sure. Anyone can do that.

I told them “thats all I know how to do. I lost one pound every week, for 2 years. One pound at a time.”

True story.

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My wife asked why i always lose my train of thought when a girl with big boobs walks by.

I told her short term Mamarry loss.

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Fat Joe is having trouble losing weight and he hears about a new extreme workout.

He goes to the place and the man in charge leads him to a large circular room in which is a naked, beautiful woman with sign on her that reads "If you catch me, you can fuck me."

After many long tries, he eventually loses weight, catches her, and gets to enjoy a bit of the old in-out, in-out....

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There was an election inside a body. The brain said "without me this body loses control, i am the coordinator, so i should be the president"

The lungs objected "if we stop working you all die in a few minutes, we should be the ones who rule".

The heart sneered "if i stop, you will die within a few seconds, i am the president."

The ass exclaimed "I am the most vital organ, you don't get it, but i will show you" and the ass ...

A wife borrows her husbands car, loses control and wraps it around a pole

She calls him up to explain the situation and ends the call with "Should be fine though".



Livid, the husband demands to know what the hell she means by that.



Wife: "Well it's a Mercedez"

Husband: "Damn it woman, what has that got to do with anything?"

Wife...

One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My head really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.”

His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply tell it the problem, put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose it and tell you what you can do about the issue you’re having. It only costs $...

Why does a Chicago-style hot dog always lose races?

Because it refuses to ketchup.

You lose ya phone and ya wallet but Alicia keys still there...

You lose ya phone and ya wallet but Alicia keys still there...

Don’t delete me Please

What happens to an elephant that loses his trunk?

He's truncated.

My 8 year old son told me that joke this morning. He didn't know what truncate meant, he just replaced the mp sound of trumpet with the nk sound, and said trunket. He'll make a good dad some day.

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How to lose your virginity

Get a job. Your boss will surely fuck you.

Abram is coming home in grief and despair

His wife is asking what happened
\- *Oy vey iz mir!* \- he tells her - So much spending! So much money I am going to lose! Today our rabbi gave a speech: "For many years we are living among Russians but they still don't like us. And we don't even know why. I gave it many a thought and decided...

If you lose your license take all the shock absorbers off your car.

Then you won't be driving on a suspension.

My personal trainer told me how to lose weight just by not sitting, but he says it doesn't work for everyone.

I dunno about you, but I can stand to lose a few pounds.

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