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What do you call a person with a sexual attraction to bicycles?

A pedal-phile.

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid. She thinks I'm following or even stalking her

She is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly, the woman gathers courage to go ask him out. She walks over, takes a seat next to him, turns and says...

"Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure...but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were...

Two ladies in a pub in attract the attention of a fellow down the bar with their accents.

Two ladies in a pub in attract the attention of a fellow down the bar with their accents.

"Ah, tourists eh? Do you girls want to hear a joke about Scotland?"

"It's Wales actually."

"Alright. Do you whales want to hear a joke about Scotland?"

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A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests there, she spotted an attractive man standing alone.

So she approached him, smiled and said politely, "Hello, my name is Carmen."

"That's a beautiful name", he replied, "Is it a family name?"

"No", she replied, "As a matter of fact, I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore, I choose Ca...

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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Linda.

Her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, this distracted the congregation considerably.

The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So on...

Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole, but was never able to attract the girls.

He decided to ask his friend Billy Bob for advice. Billy Bob explains, "It's those baggy swim shorts that make you look like an old fool. They're years out of style. Bubba, grab yourself a pair of Speedos, about two sizes too little and drop a fist-sized Tater down inside them. I'm tellin' 'ya man y...

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A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun.

Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dr...

If I had a dollar for every woman that didn’t find me attractive………

Eventually they would find me attractive.

People often rank a person's attractiveness out of ten, but what is considered a ten in some states would be considered differently elsewhere.

For example an NY10 is typically tall and athletic but a DC10 is very plane.

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A distressed but attractive woman stands at the end of a cliff, trying to get up the nerve to jump.

A passing hobo stops and say, "since you're about to kill yourself anyway , would you mind if we have sex first?"

The woman replies, "get away from me, you sicko!"

The bum turns to leave and mutters "fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom."

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A man wakes up in the hospital. An attractive nurse says “you were in a bad accident and you can’t feel anything from the waist down”…

So the man replies, “well then can I feel your tits?”


-Gilbert Gottfried original told on the Doug Loves Movies podcast. RIP Gilbert.

A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman

He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? Wh...

25 years ago, my wife was attracted to me because I was ripped and had a 6-pack

Now she tells me I have a quarter barrel.

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A homeless man goes into a pharmacy and asks the young attractive woman behind the counter

"Do you have any male pharmacist here ?"

Woman " Well, me and my twin sister own this place and take turns. Tell me what you want?"

Man " well it's kinda embarrassing."

Woman "Dont worry I'm a professional and deal with many cases everyday".

Man "Well, My cock is always e...

What are milk farmers attracted to?

A nice dairy air.

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A guy was in an elevator one day & noticed an attractive woman running to make it before the door closed.

He held the door for her to get in and then politely asked her “what floor?” “3rd floor” she replied, “ I come here once a month to donate blood & they pay me $50”
“That’s a coincidence” said the guy because I come here once a month myself, donate semen & they pay me $200”. Just then th...

I was arrested for having an unhealthy attraction to large amounts of data

They’re calling me a petaphile

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A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from

So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddi...

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A man was in a very attractive female doctor’s office….

She said “you’ve got to stop masturbating”.
He said “why so?”

“Because I’m trying to examine you”

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How to attract women:

My friend keeps complaining that he can't attract women. I told him "Why don't you try a sexy look...like lowering your eyelids and biting your lip?"

My friend takes the advice and runs off. He comes back complaining "I TRIED YOUR SUGGESTION AND THE GIRLS KEPT RUNNING AWAY SCREAMING!" ...

An Italian guy is out picking up women in Rome. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive-looking blonde.

They go back to his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while, he climaxes. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So… you finish?”

After a short pause, she replies, “No.”

Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, ...

A young baker buys a shop

He is very excited as this is his first venture since qualifying. He sells ok on everyday items like bread, but runs into trouble with his 'special items'. One day he makes beautiful cakes, however his customers only want pastries that day. So the next day he makes pastries, but now they want muffin...

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[NSFW] I was wondering why some people felt sexually attracted to animals, and decided to investigate.

During my research I went down quite a few rabbit holes.

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A young man went into confession crying, and told the priest:

“Forgive me father for I have sinned”.

“What have you done?” asked the priest.

“A few weeks ago I went to the library. I remained there until closing time and when I was about to go home, rain started pouring down. It was so intense I had to wait in the library. I had waited for a wh...

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I've realised that I'm only attracted to people after they've gone

I think I might be byesexual

What do you call a man whos attracted to young computers?

A PDFile

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An attractive woman once asked if I was interested in breasts or thighs. I told her I'm mostly into feet and anal.

I am no longer welcome at that KFC restaurant.

Newton said "The greater the mass, the greater the force of attraction"

Yet here I am. Still single.

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Jane had developed a certain attraction to Tarzan. So during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know what is sex" he replied. Jane then explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ...."Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Stunned by his response, Jane said: "Tarzan you have it all wrong, you don't shag a tree to get yourself off. Tell you what, I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothing, got completely naked and laid down on...

How do you attract a country girl?

A tractor.

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What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you?

Bi-yourself.

LongAn attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?"...

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An Arabian oil tycoon met this very attractive lady and fell absolutely in love with her. so he proposed to her, claiming he would be able to grant her anything in the world. The lady not wanting to offend him by rejecting him outright, thought of ridiculous requests that are near unfulfillable

For the first request she said she'll only marry him if he buys her a 1000 acre mansion, thinking that there isn't and give up. Surprisingly the tycoon said "Ok, I build I build" and immediately gets his butler to contact a construction company to build it.

Next the lady decided to make her ...

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This guy's balls are unbelievably attractive

It's pretty nuts

I’m not saying I’m attractive…

but when I take off my clothes in the bathroom, I turn the shower on.

Some friends are chillin when one pipes up, “I’m not attracted to my wife anymore.” His friends are all astonished. “You know what it’s like to have the same woman every night x 25 years? Same feel, smell, taste x25 years?” “Why not flip her over, try another entrance.”

“And risk getting her pregnant?! I think not!”

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A fat man wants to lose weight...

A fat man is looking for a way to lose weight. He has already tried all kinds of slimming diets and fitness programs, but they didn't work for him. One day, he comes across an ad that says: "New revolutionary method - weight loss 100% guaranteed. Satisfied or your money back!"
He thinks: "Since ...

An attractive blonde walks into a casino

The two bored dealers look at her and their eyes spark up. The blonde then makes a huge bet of $100,000 on a roll of a dice.

Before she rolls, she asks the dealers whether she could take her top off. The two dealers immediately agree.

The blonde takes her top off, and proceeds with the...

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Three attractive women are on a plane together: an Scottish woman named Nessa, a Latina named Rosita, and a black woman named Ladonna.

The plane is flying over the ocean when it suddenly crashes and falls into the ocean. The three women climb onto a floatation device.

Nessa takes off her clothes and puts on a green bikini from her carry-on bag. "I'm wearing my green bikini because it contrasts with the red of my hair, and we...

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Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."

With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. Th...

Barack Obama walks into a bar, but he is invisible. After attracting the bartender’s attention, the bartender says "Ok, I'll bite. Why are you invisible?"

Obama says "Well, I found a bottle on the beach and...then I rubbed it." "And then...importantly...A genie came out." "The genie said I could have...3 wishes."

For my first wish, I said "Let me say this, and this is profoundly important...I want Michelle to marry me...I love her,...and I thin...

How did the ancient Egyptian monarchs attract people?

With "Pharoahmones"

What do you call an attractive man with pig hands?

A hands-ham man.

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A very attractive girl goes to confession (NSFW)

Girl: "Forgive me Father for I have sinned"

Priest: "What did you do Child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Ye...

If I had a nickel for every woman that found me attractive…

I’d have 2 nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.

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When you're single and trying to attract a partner it's important to project the qualities you desire

Which I understand, but boy oh boy have I had to suck a lotta dick lately.

Nine Words

Once upon a time, long before any type of writing or sign language there lived an attractive young prince.

This prince, through no fault of his own, was cursed by a witch such that he was only allowed to say one word per year.

Fortunately, however, he WAS allowed to save up his words.<...

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[Long] An ex-CIA operative named Arti had a younger sister always getting into mischief...

Arti's sister was beautiful, you see. She would use her looks to get things she wanted, but when she got in over her head, she'd always fall back on big brother Arti's special set of skills to help her out. And since he retired early (after becoming partially disabled saving the President's life fro...

1 minute chuckle

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table. Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back
to her.

"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and sh...

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Democrats are sexier than Republicans

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Is it true that Democrats are generally considered to be more attractive than Republicans?" he asks the bartender. "Well, have you every heard of a hot piece of elephant?" the bartender responds.

Landmark

As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system."Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when ...

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A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable. (one of my favourite jokes, worth the read)



However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they can't afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the z...

I just met this really attractive sky diving instructor.

You could say I fell for him.

A guy gets from a plane and goes to a brothel house, he knocks on the door and an attractive woman opens the door.

"I wanna see Natalie".

The lady looks the man up and down, he clearly doesn't have a lot of money.

"Sir to see Natalie you will have to pay $1,000 for half an hour"

"Is no problem, I have ze money"

Just then a gorgeous brunette in a black evening gown comes dow...

A very attractive young woman takes a vacation to Scotland

While she is there, she sees a local in traditional Scottish attire. She walks up to him as says "excuse me, I don't want to be rude, but there is something I have always wondered: is it true that Scotsmen don't wear anything beneath their kilts?"

"Well, lassie" says the Scotsman "why don't y...

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Eyes on the prize

It was a slow night at the Casino, just a few regulars playing the slots…

Two bored dealers were standing at the "mini-craps" table when out of nowhere, an incredibly attractive blonde woman from South Alabama placed a $5,000 bet on a single roll of the dice.
With a deep southern drawl, ...

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At her annual checkup the attractive young woman is told by the doctor that it's necessary to take her temperature rectally.

She bends over the examining table but a few seconds later says indignantly, "Doctor, that's NOT my rectum!"

Said the doctor, "That's not my thermometer!"

Just then the woman's husband comes into the room. "What the hell is going on here?" he demands.

"I'm taking your wife's te...

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A guy gets on a Greyhound bus and finds a seat next to an attractive lady.

They say hello and chat a bit, then the lady decides to read for a few hours.
When she finally sets her book down, the man notices the book is titled "True, Unusual, and Medical Facts About Sex".
He says, "That must be quite an interesting book."
"Yes," she says, " it's got some amazing inf...

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I have a friend who is sexually attracted to inanimate objects.

I don't see him much though. He always has stuff to do.

No wonder everyone's attracted to the earths center

It is pretty hot

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Joe rented an apartment and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.

Joe smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. Poor Joe broke out into a sweat...

A man meets an attractive woman in a bar and tells her, “You know, I’m a lawyer.”

“Honest?” the woman asks.

“No, no. Just the regular kind,” he replied.

A man is walking in the park. He spots an attractive woman Sitting on the bench. He goes up to her and says

Man: “Do you believe in love at first sight or am I going to have to walk by again?”

Woman: no need to, I’m blind.

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A gray haired Army general walks into a hotel bar and sits down next to a young, attractive woman.

They hit it off, and she likes a man in uniform, so she says, “Why don’t you come up to my room?”

The general says, “I’m flattered but at my age I’m not sure if things would work the way you hope.”

She says, “But you’re in good shape...tell me, when was the last time you had sex?”
<...

An Expensive Suit

A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says t...

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Never trust a banker...

A guy walks into a bank and walks up to the teller, who happens to be an attractive young woman. The customer says, "Hey toots, great tits, I wanna open a fucking checking account. "

The teller is of course *instantly* offended. "Sir, that is insulting and sexist and I will *not* put up with ...

What do you call an attractive lady terrorist?

A Ji-hottie

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A boob, vagina and asshole are debating who is the greatest of the three.

Boob: I produce milk for babies and I am attractive to the opposite sex.

Vagina: That's nothing, I give birth to babies and can accommodate the opposite sex.

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A lady gives her maid notice, so the maid decides to speak her mind 'You need to know, I am a better cook, cleaner, more attractive and better in bed than you' The lady is outraged and screams 'How dare you insinuate my husband says such things!'

'I didn't' says the maid 'The gardener does'

My buddy is attracted to minors

He had the nerve to look at me like I’m the weird one. That’s the last time I pick him up from middle school.

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What do you call someone who's sexually attracted to Greek cheese?

A Feta-shist

Which theme park attraction is the most reasonable?

The Fairest Wheel.

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A married woman comes home early and finds her husband

having ferocious sex with a young attractive woman in their marital bed. She immediately says:

“You bastard, you son of a bitch, I’m calling my lawyer and divorcing you this minute, after all The love and devotion I have given you all these years, this is how you repay me?!!”

The husb...

I’m not attracted to blind women.

They are unsightly.

What's the best way to attract the attention of a pervert?

An NSFW tag (gotcha!)

Oldie, but goodie - The Lone Ranger's Last Request

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims

"So, you are the great Lone Ranger"...

"In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."

"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"

"Wha...

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"I just don't feel sexy after the pregnancy," complained my wife. "My stretch marks are the worst. You can't tell me those are attractive."

"Nonsense," I replied. "I've always wanted a partner with washboard abs!"
[OC]

My first job was as a sign spinner for a peep-show. I was supposed to stand on the corner and attract attention by spinning a sign or acting crazy...

...whatever it took to keep the customers cummin'.

A magnet walks into an elemental singles bar and tries a pickup line on a pretty slab of metal.

"Is your name *Beryllium*? 'Cause you can alka-***lie*** next to *my* earth metal!"

The slab of ***lead*** says "Nah. You don't *attract* me."

Ba dum TSS!

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A farmer is worried that his sex life with his wife is getting a bit dry They go to see a therapist, who asks them what they think the problem is.

The wife says, "I just don't have time for it, I'm too busy cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry and everything else. Sex is starting to lose its appeal".

The farmer is disheartened to hear this, but listens to the therapist, who tells him, "You need to change things up a bit. You'll just hav...

Three old grannies are on a park bench when a very attractive naked young man runs by in front of them.

The three old ladies, who hadn't had action in decades, fixed their eyes on the handsome hunk and gasped.

Janice pressed her hand on her heart and said, "wow, that whippersnapper damn near gave me a heart attack."

Edna, rubbing her neck, added, "I almost had an asthma attack!"
...

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I have an unhealthy sexual attraction towards figures in Greek mythology ever since

\
I laid my eyes on Medusa. Been rock hard ever since.

A man who pretends to be rich in order to attract pretty, young women is not a "Sugar Daddy".

He's an artificial sweetner.

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A Father Walks into rsetaurant

**A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.**

**Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts**

**slapping him on the back. The ...

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Three guys go to a luxury resort for a business siminar

This resort happens to have a very high end golf course so they each bring their clubs in the hopes of getting in a round if they get some free time. As luck would have it midweek the day's activities end at lunchtime. So they grab their clubs and head to the clubhouse to see about getting a tee t...

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The Italian Lover, a virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.

Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he fucked her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, “So, you finish?”
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied. “No.”
Surp...

Opposites Attract

My beautiful, smart wife told me that

A general, an officer, an old lady, and an attractive young woman all board a train together.

As they ride along they go in a dark tunnel and can't see anything. Suddenly, they hear a quick smooch followed by a loud smack!

The old lady thinks, "that young girl has some fine morals, smacking a man for trying to steal a kiss."

The young woman thinks, "how odd, the general tried t...

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Did you Hear about the guy who was sexually attracted to the end of essays?

He always came to conclusions.

John decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm...

...and asked the attractive lady who answered the door, if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed." she explained. "And I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

...

In order to attract women I like to use this quote from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82.

"Hello."

Secret Attraction

A short and exceptionally homely man had just started putting on his underwear when his daughter opened the door and entered the room. "Mommy!" she cried, pointing to her father's extremely ample endowment. "What's that?" "Well, sweetheart," said the woman, "that's your daddy's secret attraction. If...

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George claims that his dick is the "Hardest Dick In The World!"

George will pay anyone $5000 cash to anyone who can bring him something absolutely harder than his dick.


One man brings a basketball-sized boulder. George easily smashes the boulder with his dick. The man picks up the boulder pieces and angrily walks off.


A second man brings a ...

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Sex on the beach!

A widowed Jewish woman, mid 50′s, went to a Tel Aviv beach for the first time since her husband passed. She was still attractive and looked good in her bathing suit. On the same beach was an attractive man, mid 50’s, getting some sun and reading a book. She put her blanket down next to his and ...

The new director of the Natural History museum wanted to attract more people, so they started giving dinosaur vertebrae away to newcomers.

Everyone was taken aback.

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My friend said she’s only attracted to Canadians.

I guess she’s eh-sexual.

[First Date] Her: I’m instantaneously attracted to men with power.

Me: Nice. I just paid my electric bill.

What type of cheese do you use to attract a Bear?

camembeart

It started to rain suddenly so I lent this attractive young woman my umbrella.

That takes the total number of hot girls I have made wet this year to minus one.

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I used to be sexually attracted to every touch, scent, sight, taste and sound.

Then I came to my senses.

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There was a man who recently started dating an extremely attractive woman

Soon he found out that he was required to spend 3 weeks in Hong Kong for work. He thought to himself "Damn, I'm going for 3 weeks and knowing the needs of my girlfriend, I'm sure she'll cheat on me".

He decides to go to a sex shop so that he could buy something with which his girlfriend could...

An american fellow visiting at an English bar notices two attractive women with thick Irish accents sitting at the booth next to him....

out of curiousity, He approaches them and asks "Excuse me, are you two ladies from England?
One of the women gets mad and yellls "ITS WALES, YOU IDIOT!!!"

So after a Deep shock.... the gentleman responds "Excuse Me, are you two Whales from England"?

Why does a programmer prefer dark mode?

Because light attracts bugs

A man walks into a bar when a nun sees him

"you are just a sad man, the Lord probably doesn't love you because you are a drunk" said the nun

"One beer, I was just going in for ONE beer, also what do you know, maybe drinking is not that bad after all" replied the man

"getting drunk is a sin, drinking little alcohol always lead...

The silver gravy ladle

The Gravy Ladle

An elderly priest invited a young priest over for dinner. During the meal, the young priest couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening he started to wonder if there was more between the elderly priest and the housekeep...

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What kind of growth comes from standing close to a very attractive member of the opposite sex?

Organic growth

How do you attract a US politician with just a guitar?

B minor

My wife asked if I was still attracted to her

I replied “I married a 6 and now you’re a 10, what do you think?”

She walked away happy,

Which is odd because I was talking about her dress size.

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The college teacher noticed that his exchange student, André, suddenly had started attracting a lot of female attention

So, one day he asks André about his secret. André replies: "Well, before sex I simply whip out my willy and smack it against the bedside table, like a hammer. It numbs it up and makes me last longer".

Later that day, the college teacher gets home to his wife and finds her in the shower - a we...

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There was this lady in a retirement home. In her day she was very attractive and had men falling all over her. One day she felt particularly randy, and decided to get a man...

She stripped down naked, did her make up and hair and walked around the retirement home.

She saw 2 old guys sitting on a bench, and walked by repeating Super Sex, Super Sex, Super Sex.

After she left the one old guy said to the other, "I'd rather have the Soup"

A survey revealed that People who speak more than one language are considered more attractive.

Unless that language is Klingon

I heard that Pavlov had very attractive hair.

Must've been from all that conditioning.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when one Neanderthal man is attracted to another Neanderthal man?

Homo Erectus.....

ill see myself out....

A dumb billionaire walks into a bar and orders a pint. The female bartender notices how attractive he is and slips him her number on a tissue.

" Preposterous! I could get laid for this much!"

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