If I had $ for every time I heard about net neutrality

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My friend told me he got hit hard, lost 40% of his net profit in the market in the last year.

I said "so? I lost 85% of my net worth in the market in 1 day"

He said "what? Was it in a mutual fund?!"

I was like "no....my iPhone was stolen at the grocery store"

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Not your average blonde joke

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is eas...

Calm down about the Net Neutrality thing...

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.

With all my high level degrees and PHD's, I stumbled upon these questions.........

1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?...

Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, has become the first person ever to have a net worth over $200 billion.

That‘s a really expensive net!

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A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable.

However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they can't afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can a...

I met the world's riches fisherman today

"What's your net worth?" I asked.

"This one was about £10" he replied.

If I had a $ for every post I've seen today about Net Neutrality...

I'd have enough money to view a post next year about Net Neutrality.

I made a joke about net neutrality

Americans didn't get it.

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Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. Delighted, the genie says "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately shouts out "I want a billion pounds." *POOF*, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50 The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." *POOF*, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now wel...

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An old fisherman suspected his wife of cheating, so he hired a private investigator...

This is a long one, so bear with me.

The fisherman and his wife lived in Saint John’s, Newfoundland and he made his living by going out into the ocean to net cod under the watchful eye of his captain.

In those days, the best fishing was to be found far out on the banks very far from...

The perfect AI

Some many years into the future...

Scientist : Yessss!!!! After years of work, I have finally created the perfect AI humanoid. This robot has its own brain and can think and do exactly like a human being. Can't wait to try it out.

He switches humanoid on and thinks of a challenging t...

If only mosquito nets were handed out in Africa.

Each year we could save millions of mosquitoes dying needlessly of AIDS

John the fisherman

A fisherman walks into a bank to apply for a loan.

The banker sits him down and goes: "So, what was your net gain for the previous year?"

The fisherman thinks for a bit and says: "An assortment of tuna fish"

Basketball sued Tennis for no reason

Now they have to go to court

In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends.

Thoughts and prayers.

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A man hears a thumping on his roof, goes outside to look and she's a guerilla on his roof

He calls animal control and says he has a gorilla on his roof. They say they have just the guy for the job and he'll be over in half an hour. After half an hour, a white van pulls up to the house. A man steps out with a ladder, a bat, a net, a shotgun, and a rottweiler.

"So how are you gonna ...

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As I settled down on my friend’s couch for the night, he asked me...

“So your wife kicked you out for drinking too much on a fishing trip and sticking your dick in a net?”

“No” I replied sullenly. “Annette”

What do you call a seal with net electrical charge?

A sea lion

My tennis career has taught me that I can be the best basketball player ever

Nothing but net

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A male teacher is teaching physics in an all girls school. One day, he was teaching the topic of electricity.

"A net electrical charge means the resulting electrical charge on an object. It normally means if an object has a majority of positive or negative charge. Do you understand?"

To this, his students stared at him blankly, some shaking their heads cautiously.

The teacher sighed and tried...

When Bill Gates donates 30% of his net worth

He is praised as a generous hero, But when I do it people tell me they don't accept donations under a dollar.

Where do trawlermen advertise their services?

Fishing.net

Don't worry too much about Net Neutrality!

Spending extra dollars to use some websites will give you a "sense of pride and accomplishment"!

Why did the shark quit dating_

Even though there are still many fish in the sea, he was netted into a relationship and got catfished.

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

You really ought to hear this joke about Net Neutrality now.

Or you'll pay for it later.

During a fire, a women was stuck on the 4th floor with her baby.

Fire fighters instructed her to toss the child out the window, under which they had placed a net, but the mother refused. Things looked grim until a tall, well-built man burst through the crowd and shouted to the woman. He said that he was a professional football player and that he could catch the...

80% of Americans want net neutrality

The other 20% are dead

Why are fish no good at tennis?

They don’t like getting close to nets

Have you heard about the guy who wants to repeal net neutrality?

What a piece Ajit.

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With Net Neutrality gone I’m finally ready to start my new business- Carrier Pigeons

You may laugh now, but you won’t be when my pigeons deliver nudes faster than your service provider

With the outrage regarding the repeal of Net Neutrality, it is important to remember that there are two sides to this issue.

The outraged side,

And the uninformed.

If Kyrie Irving goes to the Nets

Does he get a New Jersey?

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Personally I think removal of net neutrality will be great. It will offer our businesses new opportunities for development which will help the economy in the long run

Edit: son of a bitch, they're hijacking accounts already!!

I dont understand all the worry about net neutrality, because

[Please make a £100 donation to AT&T for completion of this joke]

Fishing

The parish priest went on a fishing trip.

On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, 'Look at the size of that Son of a B#tch!'

'Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!'

'No, Father, that's...

What's the best thing about net neutrality jokes?

Not everyone gets them.

Highschool orchestra goes fishing

Some kids from the highschool orchestra go out on a charter fishing boat during summer break. 

The captain comes out to talk to them and says "Any of you kids ever cast a net?"

"No sir, we're all from the brass section"

When I see lovers' nαmes cαrved in α tree, I don't think it's sweet.

I just think it's surprising how mαny people bring a knife on a dαte.

EDIT I removed comments with α since some of you didn't like it.

Also this is an old joke . Look some posts from several years ago. https://twitter.com/biiimurray/status/361654153811996672.

http://www.su...

Bill Gates has a net worth of $86.9 billion

To get an estimate of how big that is, take your net worth and atdd $86.9 billion onto it

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My dog Minton ate a shuttlecock, a net, and two rackets!

Bad Minton!

What's the deal with Net Neutrality?

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For all the people talking completely overblowing the net neutrality issue, I just want to say

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If you rip a hole in a net...

She'll die.

What do you get when you repeal net neutrality?

[punchline loading, please wait]

Want to hear a joke about Net Neutrality?

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What do you call a website without net neutrality?

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Net Neutrality won't ruin everyone's life unlike previously stated

I have it on good authority that the Amish don't give a fuck

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Don't worry, anyone who doesn't take action in protecting net neutrality will get FREE sex when this blows over!

Specifically, you'll get fucked by Comcast and Verizon.

Did you hear the joke about Net Neutrality?

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Have you heard the one about Net Neutrality?

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What do u call 11 divers and a net?

A soccer team.

Excited about Net Neutrality Repeal

Now all my opponents will have the same ping as I.

In a interview, my boss asked me, "Why do you think you should work here?"

I said, "My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

I then tried crushing cans for recycling, but I quit because it was soda-pressing....

After a long career of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball was tired. He told the circus owner he was going to retire…

"But you can't!" protested the boss. "Where am I going to find another man of your calibre?"

The FCC is trying to take away Net Neutrality.

This isn’t a joke it’s real my dudes

I would make a joke about nets

But it has a ton of holes

In some places, line fishing is decreasing in popularity.

In other places, it’s becoming more common. But there’s been a net decrease.

Net neutrality is overrated. I can still access all the sites.

Besides, most of them are the same anyway, always showing only 404 and the like.

You know what they say about net neutrality...

I don't know. The webpage hasn't loaded for me either.

Did you hear about Net Neutrality on the United flight?

[Removed by the FCC]

Scientists annoy me, they’re always going on about Boyle’s Law and Archimedes’ Law.

One came up to me and said: “If you had an apple which experiences no net force, then its velocity is constant: the apple is either at rest, or it moves in a straight line with constant speed – Newton’s Law”

So I said “Here’s one for you: If you have an apple, a carrot, a cabbage, mayonnaise ...

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I told my sister to come work for me at my porn company and that last year I made $1 million. She said that’s gross.

I said “no, that’s net.”

To play devil’s advocate on this whole Net Neutrality thing...

He’s sure looking forward to meeting Ajit Pai

The Net Neutrality issue made me come to the sad realization...

I'll finally have to start paying for movies I get from Pirate Bay.

What if net neutrality didn’t work.

Facebook could be the thrift shop for reddit.

Foolproof: How I became a billionnaire in just 15 days. You can do it too.

When my wife and I got married we only got 0.50$ of combined wealth.

I was wandering around in the fruit market in desperation, that was when I saw an apple for 50 cents. I was so hungry that I spent our 50 cents in a blink of an eye. On one apple.

But then it hit me: What have I done?...

Post Net-Neutrality

Google User: I want the search results!

ISP: You can't afford the search results!

A fisherman catches a magic newt in his net

The newt is startled at first but he looks around and sees that the net is actually rather large. Huge in fact, it seems to cover the entire pond! Realising that this isn't really a problem after all, he continues about his usual magic newt daily business. He swims around for a bit, visiting all of ...

Have you heard of this thing called Net Neutrality?

r/all of us have...

I won't control what you do on the internet

but Theresa May

As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today.

I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!

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