If I had $ for every time I heard about net neutrality

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Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, has become the first person ever to have a net worth over $200 billion.

That‘s a really expensive net!

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A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable.

However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they can't afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can a...

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Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. Delighted, the genie says "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately shouts out "I want a billion pounds." *POOF*, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50 The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." *POOF*, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now wel...

Calm down about the Net Neutrality thing...

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.

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A man hears a thumping on his roof, goes outside to look and she's a guerilla on his roof

He calls animal control and says he has a gorilla on his roof. They say they have just the guy for the job and he'll be over in half an hour. After half an hour, a white van pulls up to the house. A man steps out with a ladder, a bat, a net, a shotgun, and a rottweiler.

"So how are you gonna ...

If I had a $ for every post I've seen today about Net Neutrality...

I'd have enough money to view a post next year about Net Neutrality.

I made a joke about net neutrality

Americans didn't get it.

During a fire, a women was stuck on the 4th floor with her baby.

Fire fighters instructed her to toss the child out the window, under which they had placed a net, but the mother refused. Things looked grim until a tall, well-built man burst through the crowd and shouted to the woman. He said that he was a professional football player and that he could catch the...

A popular army joke (I have no beef with the marines, I just thought this was funny)

After serving in the US army for about four years, two young men head to their home state of Florida. One of them decides they wanted to make a pair of alligator boots, so they head to a fishing hole in the swamp.

They ask the guy working there for the necessary equipment, some bait, a net,...

Why are fish no good at tennis?

They don’t like getting close to nets

What do you call a seal with net electrical charge?

A sea lion

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you do...

In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends.

Thoughts and prayers.

Don't worry too much about Net Neutrality!

Spending extra dollars to use some websites will give you a "sense of pride and accomplishment"!

Highschool orchestra goes fishing

Some kids from the highschool orchestra go out on a charter fishing boat during summer break. 

The captain comes out to talk to them and says "Any of you kids ever cast a net?"

"No sir, we're all from the brass section"

When Bill Gates donates 30% of his net worth

He is praised as a generous hero, But when I do it people tell me they don't accept donations under a dollar.

Fishing

The parish priest went on a fishing trip.

On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, 'Look at the size of that Son of a B#tch!'

'Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!'

'No, Father, that's...

You really ought to hear this joke about Net Neutrality now.

Or you'll pay for it later.

80% of Americans want net neutrality

The other 20% are dead

If Kyrie Irving goes to the Nets

Does he get a New Jersey?

When I see lovers' nαmes cαrved in α tree, I don't think it's sweet.

I just think it's surprising how mαny people bring a knife on a dαte.

EDIT I removed comments with α since some of you didn't like it.

Also this is an old joke . Look some posts from several years ago. https://twitter.com/biiimurray/status/361654153811996672.

http://www.su...

Have you heard about the guy who wants to repeal net neutrality?

What a piece Ajit.

My financial advisor asked me "What's your net worth?"

I said "I don't own a net."

With the outrage regarding the repeal of Net Neutrality, it is important to remember that there are two sides to this issue.

The outraged side,

And the uninformed.

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With Net Neutrality gone I’m finally ready to start my new business- Carrier Pigeons

You may laugh now, but you won’t be when my pigeons deliver nudes faster than your service provider

In a interview, my boss asked me, "Why do you think you should work here?"

I said, "My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

I then tried crushing cans for recycling, but I quit because it was soda-pressing....

I dont understand all the worry about net neutrality, because

[Please make a £100 donation to AT&T for completion of this joke]

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Personally I think removal of net neutrality will be great. It will offer our businesses new opportunities for development which will help the economy in the long run

Edit: son of a bitch, they're hijacking accounts already!!

What's the best thing about net neutrality jokes?

Not everyone gets them.

In some places, line fishing is decreasing in popularity.

In other places, it’s becoming more common. But there’s been a net decrease.

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My dog Minton ate a shuttlecock, a net, and two rackets!

Bad Minton!

Bill Gates has a net worth of $86.9 billion

To get an estimate of how big that is, take your net worth and atdd $86.9 billion onto it

What's the deal with Net Neutrality?

(This post has been blocked by your service provider)

If you rip a hole in a net...

She'll die.

This stock market crash is worse for me than a divorce

I lost half my net worth, but still have a wife.

What do you get when you repeal net neutrality?

[punchline loading, please wait]

For all the people talking completely overblowing the net neutrality issue, I just want to say

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What do you call a website without net neutrality?

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Net Neutrality won't ruin everyone's life unlike previously stated

I have it on good authority that the Amish don't give a fuck

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Don't worry, anyone who doesn't take action in protecting net neutrality will get FREE sex when this blows over!

Specifically, you'll get fucked by Comcast and Verizon.

Did you hear the joke about Net Neutrality?

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Have you heard the one about Net Neutrality?

THIS POST HAS BEEN BLOCKED BY YOUR INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER. PAY $10 TO SEE THIS GREAT JOKE.

In much of the world...

...there’s more fishing than there was 5 years ago. In some of the world, there’s less. But there’s been a net increase.

What do u call 11 divers and a net?

A soccer team.

Excited about Net Neutrality Repeal

Now all my opponents will have the same ping as I.

Scientists annoy me, they’re always going on about Boyle’s Law and Archimedes’ Law.

One came up to me and said: “If you had an apple which experiences no net force, then its velocity is constant: the apple is either at rest, or it moves in a straight line with constant speed – Newton’s Law”

So I said “Here’s one for you: If you have an apple, a carrot, a cabbage, mayonnaise ...

Why do internet service providers try to end Net Neutrality every few years?

The intent is to provide citizens with a sense of pride and accomplishment in fighting for their rights.

Foolproof: How I became a billionnaire in just 15 days. You can do it too.

When my wife and I got married we only got 0.50$ of combined wealth.

I was wandering around in the fruit market in desperation, that was when I saw an apple for 50 cents. I was so hungry that I spent our 50 cents in a blink of an eye. On one apple.

But then it hit me: What have I done?...

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I told my sister to come work for me at my porn company and that last year I made $1 million. She said that’s gross.

I said “no, that’s net.”

After a long career of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball was tired. He told the circus owner he was going to retire…

"But you can't!" protested the boss. "Where am I going to find another man of your calibre?"

Net neutrality is overrated. I can still access all the sites.

Besides, most of them are the same anyway, always showing only 404 and the like.

The FCC is trying to take away Net Neutrality.

This isn’t a joke it’s real my dudes

I would make a joke about nets

But it has a ton of holes

You know what they say about net neutrality...

I don't know. The webpage hasn't loaded for me either.

To play devil’s advocate on this whole Net Neutrality thing...

He’s sure looking forward to meeting Ajit Pai

The Net Neutrality issue made me come to the sad realization...

I'll finally have to start paying for movies I get from Pirate Bay.

Did you hear about Net Neutrality on the United flight?

[Removed by the FCC]

A fisherman catches a magic newt in his net

The newt is startled at first but he looks around and sees that the net is actually rather large. Huge in fact, it seems to cover the entire pond! Realising that this isn't really a problem after all, he continues about his usual magic newt daily business. He swims around for a bit, visiting all of ...

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Want to meet elderly married woman

Yes, that's right. Age 50 to 75, and inseparable from her cherished
husband. Someone who treasures intimacy, is energetic, open-minded,
spontaneous, bright, human. Who feels no shame or inhibition around
sexuality, is creative and responsive. Who gives her man tenderness,
stimulation...

What if net neutrality didn’t work.

Facebook could be the thrift shop for reddit.

What happened when a fisherman saw that they spent more on missing fishing equipment than they made selling fish?

They realized a net loss.

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Sex Therapy for the Elderly !

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist’s office.



The doctor asks, “What can I do for you?”



The man says, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?”



The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderl...

Post Net-Neutrality

Google User: I want the search results!

ISP: You can't afford the search results!

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It’s No Nut November and we’re accepting bets until 11/11.

“Step right up and ‘come’ on in! Go make a bet on any male candidate. Claim your prize after No Nut November ends., but ONLY if the candidate don’t nut. It’s $69 per ticket!
Double your winnings if they don’t nut for the next week!”

With semenly impossible odds, this is a good way to net...

As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today.

I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!

If only Africa had more mosquito nets...

then every year we could save millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of aids.

A game warden catches an unlicensed fisherman in the act (same but different)

Somewhere out deep on an Alabama lake there's a **R**edneck lighting sticks of dynamite and tossing them into the water. After each tremendous explosion, he grabs his net and pulls the dead fish into his boat. Before too long, the **G**ame **W**arden races out, lights and sirens blaring and screamin...

I won't control what you do on the internet

but Theresa May

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