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Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. Delighted, the genie says "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately shouts out "I want a billion pounds." *POOF*, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50 The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." *POOF*, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now wel...

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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you do...

Calm down about the Net Neutrality thing...

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.

If only mosquito nets were handed out in Africa.

Each year we could save millions of mosquitoes dying needlessly of AIDS

I made a joke about net neutrality

Americans didn't get it.

Fishing

The parish priest went on a fishing trip.

On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, 'Look at the size of that Son of a B#tch!'

'Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!'

'No, Father, that's...

Don't worry too much about Net Neutrality!

Spending extra dollars to use some websites will give you a "sense of pride and accomplishment"!

Remember net neutrality?

Thank god something was done about it unlike Kony 2012.

In a interview, my boss asked me, "Why do you think you should work here?"

I said, "My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

I then tried crushing cans for recycling, but I quit because it was soda-pressing....

What do you call a seal with net electrical charge?

A sea lion

If I had a $ for every post I've seen today about Net Neutrality...

I'd have enough money to view a post next year about Net Neutrality.

In some places, line fishing is decreasing in popularity.

In other places, it’s becoming more common. But there’s been a net decrease.

When Bill Gates donates 30% of his net worth

He is praised as a generous hero, But when I do it people tell me they don't accept donations under a dollar.

When I see lovers' nαmes cαrved in α tree, I don't think it's sweet.

I just think it's surprising how mαny people bring a knife on a dαte.

EDIT I removed comments with α since some of you didn't like it.

Also this is an old joke . Look some posts from several years ago. https://twitter.com/biiimurray/status/361654153811996672.

http://www.su...

How do you catch a hound?

With a basset-net

If Kyrie Irving goes to the Nets

Does he get a New Jersey?

In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends.

Thoughts and prayers.

You really ought to hear this joke about Net Neutrality now.

Or you'll pay for it later.

This stock market crash is worse for me than a divorce

I lost half my net worth, but still have a wife.

80% of Americans want net neutrality

The other 20% are dead

Have you heard about the guy who wants to repeal net neutrality?

What a piece Ajit.

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With Net Neutrality gone I’m finally ready to start my new business- Carrier Pigeons

You may laugh now, but you won’t be when my pigeons deliver nudes faster than your service provider

I dont understand all the worry about net neutrality, because

[Please make a £100 donation to AT&T for completion of this joke]

With the outrage regarding the repeal of Net Neutrality, it is important to remember that there are two sides to this issue.

The outraged side,

And the uninformed.

What's the best thing about net neutrality jokes?

Not everyone gets them.

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My dog Minton ate a shuttlecock, a net, and two rackets!

Bad Minton!

If you rip a hole in a net...

She'll die.

Scientists annoy me, they’re always going on about Boyle’s Law and Archimedes’ Law.

One came up to me and said: “If you had an apple which experiences no net force, then its velocity is constant: the apple is either at rest, or it moves in a straight line with constant speed – Newton’s Law”

So I said “Here’s one for you: If you have an apple, a carrot, a cabbage, mayonnaise ...

Bill Gates has a net worth of $86.9 billion

To get an estimate of how big that is, take your net worth and atdd $86.9 billion onto it

What's the deal with Net Neutrality?

(This post has been blocked by your service provider)

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Personally I think removal of net neutrality will be great. It will offer our businesses new opportunities for development which will help the economy in the long run

Edit: son of a bitch, they're hijacking accounts already!!

What happened when a fisherman saw that they spent more on missing fishing equipment than they made selling fish?

They realized a net loss.

Foolproof: How I became a billionnaire in just 15 days. You can do it too.

When my wife and I got married we only got 0.50$ of combined wealth.

I was wandering around in the fruit market in desperation, that was when I saw an apple for 50 cents. I was so hungry that I spent our 50 cents in a blink of an eye. On one apple.

But then it hit me: What have I done?...

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Sex Therapy for the Elderly !

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist’s office.



The doctor asks, “What can I do for you?”



The man says, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?”



The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderl...

What do you get when you repeal net neutrality?

[punchline loading, please wait]

Want to hear a joke about Net Neutrality?

*I'm sorry, it appears that you've run out of Reddit for this month. Please contact your service provider to buy the Social Media Browsing Pack for the low price of $149.99.*

For all the people talking completely overblowing the net neutrality issue, I just want to say

THIS IS A PREMIUM JOKE
--------------------------
IN ORDER TO VIEW THIS JOKE
CONTACT YOUR ISP TO
UPGRADE YOUR SERVICE

Starting at just: $60.00/month

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Net Neutrality won't ruin everyone's life unlike previously stated

I have it on good authority that the Amish don't give a fuck

What do you call a website without net neutrality?

<Please upgrade to Reddit Gold Package™ to read this post>

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't worry, anyone who doesn't take action in protecting net neutrality will get FREE sex when this blows over!

Specifically, you'll get fucked by Comcast and Verizon.

Have you heard the one about Net Neutrality?

THIS POST HAS BEEN BLOCKED BY YOUR INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER. PAY $10 TO SEE THIS GREAT JOKE.

What do u call 11 divers and a net?

A soccer team.

Please, donate to charities to provide bug nets to poor Africans.

With your help, we can save millions of mosquitoes from needlessly dying of AIDS.

Did you hear the joke about Net Neutrality?

Sorry, your current internet package does not support punchlines. Please upgrade to the higher end package.

A game warden catches an unlicensed fisherman in the act (same but different)

Somewhere out deep on an Alabama lake there's a **R**edneck lighting sticks of dynamite and tossing them into the water. After each tremendous explosion, he grabs his net and pulls the dead fish into his boat. Before too long, the **G**ame **W**arden races out, lights and sirens blaring and screamin...

Excited about Net Neutrality Repeal

Now all my opponents will have the same ping as I.

Why do internet service providers try to end Net Neutrality every few years?

The intent is to provide citizens with a sense of pride and accomplishment in fighting for their rights.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my sister to come work for me at my porn company and that last year I made $1 million. She said that’s gross.

I said “no, that’s net.”

Net neutrality is overrated. I can still access all the sites.

Besides, most of them are the same anyway, always showing only 404 and the like.

After a long career of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball was tired. He told the circus owner he was going to retire…

"But you can't!" protested the boss. "Where am I going to find another man of your calibre?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s No Nut November and we’re accepting bets until 11/11.

“Step right up and ‘come’ on in! Go make a bet on any male candidate. Claim your prize after No Nut November ends., but ONLY if the candidate don’t nut. It’s $69 per ticket!
Double your winnings if they don’t nut for the next week!”

With semenly impossible odds, this is a good way to net...

The FCC is trying to take away Net Neutrality.

This isn’t a joke it’s real my dudes

I would make a joke about nets

But it has a ton of holes

To play devil’s advocate on this whole Net Neutrality thing...

He’s sure looking forward to meeting Ajit Pai

You know what they say about net neutrality...

I don't know. The webpage hasn't loaded for me either.

The Net Neutrality issue made me come to the sad realization...

I'll finally have to start paying for movies I get from Pirate Bay.

Two anglers were sitting in a boat

A windsurfer passed by them. Suddenly the windsurfer fell and disappeared in the water. The anglers hurried to the spot and threw their nets out in an attempt to save the windsurfer.
Finally they caught something and pulled the lifeless body into the boat. They started to blow air into his mouth ...

Did you hear about Net Neutrality on the United flight?

[Removed by the FCC]

A fisherman catches a magic newt in his net

The newt is startled at first but he looks around and sees that the net is actually rather large. Huge in fact, it seems to cover the entire pond! Realising that this isn't really a problem after all, he continues about his usual magic newt daily business. He swims around for a bit, visiting all of ...

As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today.

I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!

What if net neutrality didn’t work.

Facebook could be the thrift shop for reddit.

I was watching competitive Street Fighter on the net one day...

...when my dad walked by.

He stopped and watched for a while, and then asked, "You can't make money through this, can you?"

I replied, "Shoryuken."

Post Net-Neutrality

Google User: I want the search results!

ISP: You can't afford the search results!

If I had a dollar for every post I’ve seen about NET neutrality...

...the rest of this comment is only viewable with premium membership. Upgrade for $79.99.

Have you heard of this thing called Net Neutrality?

r/all of us have...

I won't control what you do on the internet

but Theresa May

Gorilla in my tree

Last day I looked out into my garden, and I saw a gorilla sitting in on of my trees. Then I found this guy online, supposedly he should be very good at catching gorillas. After calling him he told me that he would be at my house as fast as possible. He arrives, but he only has a net, gun and a small...

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