For my birthday I bought a pair of ghost bumblee earrings.

This way my face can always be between a pair of boo-bees.

This man is at work one day when he notices that his male co- worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”“Yo, Bob, I didn’t know you were into earrings.”“Oh, yeah, sure,” says Bob sheepishly.“Really? How long have you been wearing one?”“Ever since my wife found it in our bed!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A poor man meets a rich man around Christmas......

The poor man asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The poor man asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange th...

An Old Friend........

A farmer was at a diner one day having lunch, when he noticed an old friend of his who was also dining there.

What really caught the farmer’s attention, was that his friend was wearing an earring.

The farmer knew that his old friend was a fairly conservative fellow, so he was really cu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not having sex tonight

One evening last week,my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well,the passion starts to heat up,and she eventually says,‘I don‘t feel like it,I just want you to hold me.‘

I said,‘WHAT??!! What was that?!‘

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear.... <...

"I say Long John Silver, I really like your earrings, how much were they?"

"2 dollars"
"They're not bad at all for a buccaneer".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old southern bells are having iced tea

They are reminiscing of their younger years on their wraparound porch of an 18th century plantation home.


The first lady recounts in a charming antebellum drawl: "You see these earrings? These 24k gold diamond earrings? My husband got me these on our 5th anniversary."


The seco...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Those are lovely earrings . . .

A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots beautiful diamond earrings and walks over to inspect them. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person wa...

A man meets his friend.. who has started wearing Earrings. He asks "Since when did you start wearing Earrings?"

Friend "Ever since my wife found them in my car!

We call rings in ears earrings, in eyebrows eyebrow rings and in noses nose rings. Why don't we apply the same to fingers?

And with this fingering I give you my hand in marriage....

How much did the pirate pay for his earrings?

About a buck an ear

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lesson in etiquette

Three sophisticated southern women sit together at a country club, Eliza, Josephine, and Isabelle.

Eliza says to the other two, "You know girls, my husband bought me the most wonderful jewelry for our anniversary. A lavish diamond necklace and some beautiful earrings."

"How wonderful!...

What did the watch say when the necklace, earrings, purse and ring killed the shoes?

I won't be an accessory to this.

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday.....

She said "Nothing would make me happier than a pair of diamond earrings" so I got her nothing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Kent a business man was con

In Kent a business man was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Essex and I need some help. If I were to give you £20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rich man and his butler discuss what they’re getting their wives for Valentine’s Day

The butler asks the rich man, “what are you getting your wife?”

The man says,”I’m going to get her a Range Rover and a pair of diamond earrings!”

The butler was impressed but asked, “why two gifts for your wife, sir?”

“So she can wear her diamond earrings while driving her Range...

A couple is on their honeymoon in the Caribbean, and they go into a shop so the husband can get his ear pierced.

They walk up to the counter, and the husband says, "I'd like to get my ear pierced to celebrate our honeymoon! How much will that cost?"

The shopkeeper replies, "It'll be $20, plus the cost of the earring you get. If that works for you, you can go pick out the earring while I set up to pierce...

condition of our EARs nowadays

Random Girl: Wearing earrings, mask, glasses, and earphones...

Her ears: Do you want me to hold your bag too?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes to the doctor. “Doc! I have two green spots on my inner thighs. And they’re growing”

The doctor examines her but can’t figure out why the two green spots inside her thighs exist or why they’re slowly getting larger.

The doctor is dumbfounded and finally takes her sexual history.

“Are you in a sexual relationship?”

“Yes doc. With my boyfriend.”

“Tell m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Son and earing

Son comes home with new earring. When father finds out he tells his son that Back in his days only homosexuals or pirates would wear earrings, so i will look outside of window and you better pray i find your ship there.

A business owner is interviewing an attractive young lady...

A business owner is interviewing to hire a bookkeeper, and in walks an attractive young lady. To make sure that she understands money and math, he asks her "If I were to give you ten thousand dollars, minus 15%, how much would you take off?"



She thinks a moment and answers "Everythin...

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just opened a pioneering business," the guy says.

"So, what do you actually do?" the bartender asks. "I just told you," the guy replies. "I sell pie and earrings."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman was sitting in a bar talking about anniversary presents. The Englishman said: "You know, for my wife I bought two birthday presents, a necklace and a scarf, so that if she doesn't like the necklace maybe she'll like the scarf". "Ooh, that's very thoughtful o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old guy is sitting on a bus when a punk rocker gets on...

The punk rocker's mohawk is red, green, yellow and orange. He has feather earrings.

When he sees the old man staring at him, the punk rocker says, "What's the matter old man? Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were a young guy?"

The old guy says in reply "Yeah. One time I scre...

A Man is selling his car for £1000

His friend has been discussing it with him and finally makes him an offer of £1000 less 10%.

The man isn't the best at Maths, so tells his friend that he will think about it as a cover up.

He is in the pub later that night having a swift half, when he decides to ask the barmaid for som...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three kids are talking about the gift they’re going to give their mom for Mother’s Day.

The first one say: I bought her a necklace and a scarf. So if she doesn’t like the necklace she can put on the scarf.

The second kid say: I’m going to give her a ring and gloves. So if she doesn’t like the ring she can always put on the gloves.

The third one say: I’m giving her earring...

A man is speaking with Saint Peter at the gates of Heaven.

Saint Peter asks him if he has done any good deeds in his time on Earth to merit entry into paradise.

Thinking for a moment, he says, "I was once in a bar in Arizona. I noticed a beautiful woman sitting alone, but before I could introduce myself a bunch of Hell's Angels stormed in and starte...

A little help with your math

A businessman is getting a 17% discount on an order worth $20,000.00, but can't figure out the total in his head. He asks his secretary, "Betty, if I were to give you twenty thousand dollars with a 17% discount, how much would you take off?" She thinks for a minute, then says, "Everything except m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Names
===========
If Linda, Kate, Paula and Janice go out for lunch, they will call each other Linda, Kate, Paula and Janice.
If Fred, Luke, Bradley, and Jeff go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.

Eating Out
===========...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat

directly across from an old man. The young punk has spiked, multi-colored, green, purple, and orange hair. His clothing is a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright red, yellow ...

The plan...

A middle aged woman has been conducting a long term affair with her lover for years. Her husband never knows because she tells him that she goes upstate one weekend a month to visit her elderly great aunt and take care of her. The husband wants nothing to do with such business and leaves her to it. ...

A girl goes to the doctor ..

A girl goes to a doctor to ask about green spots on the inside of her thighs.

The doctor examines them and then asks "Is your boyfriend a gypsy"

Amazed, the girl says "Yes, Why?"

The doctor says "Well, tell him his earrings are not gold"

Green Spots

Rebecca is worried about 2 green spots that appeared on her inner thighs. Although she is embarrassed, she goes to the doctor who looks and asks her ' Is your boyfriend a Gypsy? '
Rebecca says 'Yes, how did you know?'
So the doctor said 'Tell him his earrings are not gold'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mmmm, that's nice.

Two little old ladies in the South were sitting on the porch sipping mint juleps one day. Betty Lou had come to visit Mary Jean for lunch at her beautiful country estate.

Mary Jean said to Betty Lou, "Oh Betty Lou, I'm just so pleased with mah adorin husbind - he went and bought us this beaaa...

A woman decided to have her portrait painted.

She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.”

“But you are not wearing any of those things,” replied the artist.

“I know,” she said. “But if I die before my husband, I’m sure he’ll remarry right away, an...

A young lady, her mother and het grandmother are traveling in a horse wagon in medieval England...

Suddenly, a handsome man jumps out of a bush next to the road and exclaims: “Stop the wagon! I am a robber, and you must all get out of the carriage now!”

The young lady leaves the carriage, followed by her mother, who, through her tears, asks: “does grandma have to get out as well?”, to whic...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I will be doing some themed jokes from now on. Theme 1: Business

A frog goes into the bank and asks the teller for a loan. The teller tells the frog to see Mr. Paddywack, the loan officer.
Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says, "What do you have for collateral? "
The frog pulls out of his pocket a solid silver elephant.
Mr. Paddywack looks at the e...

A collection of Waspy jokes about yo-mamma

1. Your mother is so déclassé, she has a time-share
near Sea World!

2. Your mother is so prescription drug dependent,
she pops Xanax like Godiva bonbons!

3. Your mother is so lower middle-class, she thinks
Egyptian cotton smells of camels!

4. Your mother...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In case she doesn't like her gift

3 High school friends are at a reunion.

Lawyer: For my wife's birthday this year I got her a pair of diamond earrings and two tickets to the Bahamas! If she doesn't like the earrings, she will definitely enjoy the holiday!

Surgeon: I bought my Wife a pearl necklace and a new convertibl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The stalker

A woman had a stalker who always was bugging her to have sex with him. The woman eventually grew tired of his constant begging and thought of a way to get rid of him.

"Before I have sex with you, you must buy me a diamond necklace with matching diamond earrings"

To her surprise, the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why Pro Athletes Can't Have Regular Jobs... (long but good)

1 Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the
kids to copulate me."


2 New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:

"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, which...

A Small Collection of US State Jokes

**Georgia**

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,0...

Madonna is flying from New York to London . . .

. . . and happens to be seated next to Oprah on the plane. They exchange pleasantries and settle in. Half way over the Atlantic ocean, the pilot comes on the PA and says, "We just lost 3 engines. Prepare to go down in the ocean.

Madonna grabs her carry-on and begins putting on diamond earring...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.