There aren't a lot of advantages to people who live in Switzerland.

However, the flag is a big plus.

There is one advantage to being an anti-vaxxer.

Child cemetery plots are way cheaper than adult ones.

What's the advantage of having a blonde with you in a car?

You can park in a handicap spot.

Why do female vampires have an advantage over male vampires?

Because they get free supply of blood once a month.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One advantage to buying porn on DVD...

The gag reel.

What is the advantage of being a test tube baby?

A room with a view

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

During debates, when my opponents said a word that had different meanings based on its spelling, I would take advantage of it and use the word's other meaning to attack them personally.

It was an ad homonym.

We need to stop mixing races. By doing so it creates people with an unfair advantage when it comes to competition.

No matter how hard I try I still can't outrun a Nascar.

Ugliness has one advantage over beauty

It's permanent.

What is an advantage of having Alzheimer ?

Each joke on r/jokes isn't a repost

Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?

Because they're easy to push around and never stand up for themselves

What is the advantage of being a prostitute over other jobs?

Lesser the experience, the better the pay

How to use religion to your advantage

1. Claim divine visitation of some nature
2. ???
3. Prophet

My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.

I take that as a compliment.

What's the advantage of dating a homeless woman?

You can drop her off anywhere

My biology teacher said there is no evolutionary advantage to blue eyes.

She must have never heard of the holocaust.

What's the difference between obsequious behaviour towards someone important in order to gain advantage and John Wayne Gacy wearing a top hat and monocle?

One is sycophancy and the other is a fancy sicko.

(As far as I'm aware this is an original joke that I created and am quite pleased with)

Having Alzheimer also carries some advantages...

First of all, you get to know someone new every time you look in the mirror. Secondly, you can always enjoy an old joke as if you heard it for the first time. And finally, you get to know someone new every time you look in the mirror.

Floyd Mayweather won because of an unfair advantage.

He gets to practice in the gym all day and then goes home and practices on his family.

One advantage of telling a joke to a person who was born deaf is that no matter how old your joke is...

...you can be sure they never heard it before

What's the one advantage if Hillary Clinton is elected President?

We'll only have to pay her 77¢ on the dollar

What's one advantage of electing a woman president of the United States?

We wouldn't have to pay her as much.

I've heard that imperial system has a lot of advantages.

As a European, I only see fl oz.

What's the advantage to fingering a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red for free

What's the biggest advantage of being a smoker?

Not having to set aside money for your old age.

A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight...

After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.

Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A pirate meets a stranger one day, and is very curious about the pirate's injuries.

The stranger looks down at the pirate's legs, and asks, "Say, why do you have a wooden leg?"

The pirate replies, "Ya see, we we're fightin' some other ship down yonder and a canonball from the enemies struck my leg and wiped it clean off!"

The stranger was interested, and noticed the p...

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A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer

"That'll be five dollars", says the bartender, and the guy throws 20 quarters onto the floor. Reluctantly, the bartender picks up the coins and serves the beer.

The next day, the guy comes into the bar, asks for a beer, throws 20 quarters onto the floor, etc.

The next day, again.
...

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Joe wanted to buy a motorbike.

He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a "for sale" sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for ...

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Taking advantage of older men (scam)

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. This will only become more commonplace as the weather warms.

A 'heads up' for those men...

Two gentlemen meet for a duel...

The first gentleman, who challenged the other after being humiliated, is a man of honor. "I am the one who has challenged you. As such, I shall allow you to choose our weapons." He opens a case with two swords and two guns. "Would you like to duel with swords, or guns?"

The second gentleman i...

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A Rainy Day.

A woman invites her boyfriend to her house for dinner.
She tells him "Come over for dinner, but just know, there's a huge fight going on at home about who's going to do the dishes, and the dishes haven't been done for like, 20 days. And we've made a pact that the first person to speak in the hou...

One day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route.

No problems for the first few stops-a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on.
Six feet height, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.
He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't n...

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Bill is out for a drive and comes across a place that does psychic readings.

Bill, ever the skeptic, walks in just to tell the psychic that he's a fraud and that he's taking advantage of people. The psychic tells Bill to try his Skeptic's package. "What's that?", Bill asked. "It's a special deal I offer to people who don't believe in psychics." The psychic began to explain. ...

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A young man visits the welfare office.

"A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a...

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I watched a man on the street begging for change.

After a few hours, he got up, walked to a quiet street and hopped into his Mercedes. I followed him. When we were in quiet place, I flashed him and he got out the car.

I said, "I saw what you were doing back there... taking advantage of innocent, naive people, stealing their hard-earned money...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day Superman was feeling a bit horny

One day Superman was feeling a bit horny. So, he began to
ask his super hero friends for ideas on where he could get
a bit of action. "Hey Batman! Who's good in the sack?"

"Well Superman, everyone knows that Wonderwoman is the best
sex in comicland. Why don't you try her?", replied B...

What do you get when you cross a mountain range with 40 elephants?

A strategic military advantage against the Romans in the Second Punic War.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two cowboys

Riding across the range, they come upon a heifer with her head caught in the fence. Cowboy#1 says "you know I'm getting kind of tired of beating off in the bushes, I think ill take advantage of this situation"

He hops off his horse and goes to the heifer and has sloppy intersperses sexual in...

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Cat and Dog

The Dog’s Diary:

8:00 AM - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 AM - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 AM - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 AM - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM - Milkbones! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM - Played i...

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Mike and Andy were walking through a field... (NSFW)

...when they came across a goat with its head stuck in a fence. Naturally, Mike took advantage of the situation and started fucking the goat from behind. Andy saw what was going on, and said "Jesus, that looks like fun!"

So he bent over and stuck his head in the fence, too.

Wars in the Iberian Peninsula

Having forged a marriage alliance, the kingdoms of Castille and Aragon formed Spain, a united Catholic front to drive the Moors outside of Iberia.

One of the more important battles in the subsequent Reconquista was the siege of Cordoba. Though historians debate what exact tactics the command...

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The Perverted Boss....

The boss at a small company was a very perverted guy. Everyone knew about it and usually kept their distance. The boss recently hired a new smoking hot secretary. Everyone told her to keep her distance from him but she wasn't fazed.

​

One day the boss told the secretary tha...

What do job opportunities and me have in common?

My uncle has taken advantage of both.

40 years old and still single.

The son of a Billionaire was tired of his bad luck at finding a woman to marry. His father was sickly and he realized that soon he could be inheriting a fortune.

So that evening he thought of a way he could use his dad's fortune and bad health to his advantage.

He saw a beautiful woman...

A team of black inmates play basketball against a team of white inmates in prison. The black inmates win. Why?

Home court advantage.

Today my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance...

"Well...," a friend replies, "...I'm going to be honest with you: you should take advantage of that, she's not for you. She is seeing other guys, she even had an affair with me, your best friend! I'm glad she said that. How did she start the conversation?"

The other guy stays speechless for a...

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A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church

The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?"
"Pastor, I'm ...

Hear the one about the bald guy getting bumped to business class after passengers made fun of him?

Talk about the advantages of a reseating airline.

Three young priests are sitting in a pub... (NSFW)

They've all recently graduated from the seminary, and they've just been told where they're being sent for their first posting: they've all requested missionary work overseas.

The first one takes a huge swig of his pint and slams it down on the table triumphantly.

"Well, I'm over the mo...

A lady with a mildly upset tummy gets on a street car for a cross town appointment...

When approaching the first stop, she notices the street car’s brakes make a horribly loud racket. Given the state of her upset tummy she decides that she can take advantage of the street car’s worn brakes. Cautiously, upon approaching the next stop she perfectly times the release of a small amount...

7

I had this strange dream the other night, July 7th to be exact. I was alone in this wide open field, and on this field was a large number seven. This confused me, and woke me up, I looked at the clock and sure enough it was seven o’clock. I thought this was strange but didn’t think too much into it,...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Night To Remember...

A man is walking through the city at night and sees a woman sitting at the storefront of a shop wrapped in a blanket with a sad look on her face.

He kneels down beside her and asks if she is okay.

“I’m fine, it’s just I have been sleeping rough for weeks, I’m freezing cold and haven’...

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A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday.

Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more.

"And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked. 

"It's very simple. First you turn up the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then preach in a monotone...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Scam alert! Men beware

During the recent hot weather here in the UK we have had a couple of young women operating a scam at our local supermarket. They offer a while-you-wait car valeting service - you just drive in and while you sit there, one of them washes the outside of the car while the other vacuums the inside. They...

[Long] Robert married Jenny....

Robert , 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old . . .

Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Robert should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So there's this duck...

...and one day he's walkin down the street when he gets a huge craving for some donuts. So he goes to the bakery and walks in and says to the baker "hey man can i get a dozen donuts, half glazed and half boston creme?" And the baker's like "No, you can't. We don't serve ducks here." And the duck's a...

Two farmer brothers were being recognized for their contributions to the Kingdom...

The king and his daughter came to their farmlands personally to thank them for getting the Kingdom through a tough winter.

The brothers gave them their house for the night and slept in the barn. The king's daughter, who was an early riser, set out for a walking tour of the property at first l...

What is reunion???

Reunion is when Peter gets up in the morning and tells his wife he is going to work.

Instead he goes to his neighbour Paul's wife to make love to her.

Her husband Paul comes and knocks on the door.

Peter goes under the bed.

Paul enters the bedroom.

Feeling une...

Scientists have discoverded that left handed people...

...have more advantages in day to day life than no handed people.

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Good ol’ Edward

A young man called Edward wanted to buy a Birthday present for his new girlfriend. They had only just started going out with each other and she lived a considerable distance away.

Edward consulted his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would st...

A blonde is going door to door trying to find some paying work

She knocks on one door and an older man opens it up.

"Hey mister, do you have any odd jobs I could do for cash?"

He looks her up and down and surmises that she's an idiot whom he can take advantage of.

"I'll give you ten dollars if you paint my porch. There's paint, brushes, lad...

What's the similarity between chess and the world?

White has an advantage.

US and Russia are at war

It has been going on for endless years so they decide to have a dog fight in 6 months time to see who will be considered winner of the war.
The US invests heavily in steroids for dogs, medicine to improve reactions, implant shark teeth in their dog, cut its ears, its tail, oil it all up, basicall...

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A Priest takes a walk down to the docks one day

and runs into a fisherman that attends his church. Upon hearing that the priest has a few hours off the fisherman invites him out to sea to fish with him.

Out at sea it doesn't take long for the fisherman to realize that the priest has no idea how to fish, so he gives him some quick instructi...

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Three married couples want to join a church

There is a young newlywed couple, middle aged couple, and older couple. They talk to the priest, and he informs them that they have to remain abstinent for 2 months before they can join the church.

They all agree and return 2 months later to talk to the priest.

Priest asks the elderl...

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11 Reasons To Go To Work Naked

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources.
4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
5. To stop tho...

What was old is new

A man living in ancient Egypt had a great idea for a business: he would pay couriers to deliver messages professionally inscribed on stone slabs to people all over the kingdom. For a small fee, people could have an important message written down and sent anywhere on the Nile. It swiftly took off a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A homeless guy sleeps on a parkbench.

A homeless guy sleeps on a parkbench, knocked out from alcohol and his asscrack showing a little.

A horny gay man happens to walk by and sees the opportunity and takes advantage of it. After he's done, he slips the homeless a 20 dollar bill and goes on his way.
The homeless man wakes up an...

Yet another job Interview joke

Interviewer: So what would you say is your biggest weakness?

Candidate: I never know when to quit.

Interviewer: Well that can always be turned to our advantage! Congratulations, you're hired.

Candidate: *I quit*

At school there's this kid named Euell. He's kinda slow and gets picked on a lot.

Apparently this group of kids have really taken advantage of Euell this week.

They pretend to be his friend so they can push infront of him in the lunch line. He went out with them last night so they could use his car, but they ditched him when they arrived. They even stooped low enough to m...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A businessman is away from home for a few days on a sales conference…

He plans to take full advantage of his few days of freedom and has Googled the numbers of female escorts in the locality.

He picks up the bedside telephone and pudgy fingers punch in the first of the numbers, he waits, he hears a young female voice answer, "Listen, I want you to come to my ho...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It's World War 1...

British and German troops are set deep in the French countryside within their respective trenches. Separating them is no man's land, a small field littered with barbed wire, mortar craters, fallen heroes and their armaments.

Shots are being sporadically fired in each direction with no side ga...

A gambler invites two friends, a mathematician and an engineer, to the casino to try and score big with their help.

The mathematician suggests blackjack, as with card counting it's the only game where the house doesn't have an advantage. The engineer agrees for the same reason, but warns, that since this is the real world, to be wary of the casino getting wise to them. The gambler follows the advice of his intell...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Goldfish, man, you made me so happy, I'll do anything for you...

This is long, so bear with me.
So I was fishing at this pond close to home, see. And all day I was fishing, with nothing biting. Just as the sun was setting, something was finally tugging and wouldn't you know, the most brightly coloured gold FISH(!) was at the end of my fishing string. And w...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So how about a real joke about Bulgarians for a change?

A flying saucer beams up a German engineer, an Indian guru and a Bulgarian. The three of them are informed by an alien in a lab coat that standard procedure when contacting an unfamiliar species is to subject them to the standardized intergalactic intelligence test.

"You will be put in an air...

A woman sees a sale sign that says "Tampons: 3 boxes for $5"

Wanting to take advantage of the deal, she goes into the store. The sales attendant immediately comes up to her and asks if he can help her, she says, "Yes, I saw a sign outside that said you have a sale going for tampons, are they really just $5 for three whole boxes?

The sales attendant rep...

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Steve and Jason have their car break down on a deserted country road. [NSFW]

It’s late at night, there is no cell reception and they see only one house for miles surrounded by corn fields so they walk over and ring the doorbell. A disgusting old, wrinkly lady answers the door and asks them what they want.

“Our car broke down and we need to call a tow truck but we don’...

This man had been having a few beers down at the neighborhood bar

It was dark out and he was walking home by a park when nature called so he stepped behind a hedge to relieve himself.

To his and their surprise a couple were going at it on the grass and he almost stepped on them.

The guy got up and took off running.

The man could see t...

In law school...

Professor: What is fraud?

Student: If you don't let me pass the exam, you've committed fraud.

Professor: (surprised) how so?

Student: According to the law, those who take advantage of others' ignorance to cause them losses are committing fraud.

Everyday at 2pm most workers at a factory stopped working and went drinking at a bar.

Finally Billy asked what's going on? They told him everyday at 1:45 the boss leaves and comes back at 4:45, so the workers take advantage and have some fun at the bar, they comeback before the boss does, he never finds out about it. The next day like clockwork 1:45 the boss leaves and 2pm the worker...

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A bank robbery

During a recent robbery in Hong Kong, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank:
"Don't move. The money belongs to the Government. Your life belongs to you."
Everyone in the bank laid down quietly.

This is called "Mind Changing Concept" Changing the conventional way of thinking....

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This actually happened to me.

A few years ago I was working in a call center that promoted the use of "Pizzazz Greetings." Such examples ranged from "Thank you for calling XYZ! My name is Kandy with a K! What can I do to make your day as awesome as mine!?" To "Thank you for flying with XYZ, my name is Josh and I'll be your capt...

One day I saw a homeless man...

I took pity on him. I brought him to my house, fed him, bathe him, and even let him stay at my house for a bit until he finds a job. However, he took advantage of this and became lazy. And everyday, he would raid my fridge and eat my food. I decide one day to put a stop to this. I bought a can of le...