How is a good criminal defense lawyer like a dead hooker?

I use them both to get off.

A martial arts expert is arrested for murder.

When the case is taken to court, he is asked by the judge why he doesn't have a lawyer with him.

'I don't need a lawyer', the martial arts expert replies.

'Why not? It could really help your case if you have a defense lawyer' the judge says.

'No, thank you', the martial arts exp...

A lumberjack was being cross-examined during a murder trial.

The defense lawyer, trying to discredit the lumberjack as a witness, asked him:

"Is it true you were working at night?ย  How can you be sure that it was a pine tree that fell on the victim?"

The lumberjack replied confidently: "I know what I saw."

A man is in court for murder

So a man is in court and is suspected of murder. His defense lawyer is at the last legs of his argument. In one final attempt, he says to the court

"In ten seconds the man my client is suspected of murdering will walk into the courtroom completely unharmed".

The defense lawyer counts...

"The prosecutor says she can produce five witnesses who saw you running from the bank with money bags in your hands"

"The prosecutor says she can produce five witnesses who saw you running from the bank with money bags in your hands" a defense lawyer confided in his client.

"That's nothing," the client replied, ""I can produce five hundred witnesses who didn't see me running from the bank with money bags i...

One day at court, the prosecutor called the first witness to the stand, and in came a gossipy old woman

The prosecutor started by asking her, "Do you know who I am?"

The old woman replied. "Yes, you're John Kim, and I must say I'm very disappointed in you. You're greedy, you treat others like dirt, and you've been keeping a mistress for years! Of course I know who you are."

The prosecuto...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A tell all old woman at the court of a small provincial town

At the court of a small provincial town, a lawyer calls his first witness, an old woman around 80 and he asks her with a professional style: "Do you know me, Mrs. Rowland?" "Of course, I know you Mr. Smith! says the old woman. I know you since you were little, and I have to confess that I am very di...

A man is being tried for murder, but the body has not yet been found.

The jury is considering the death penalty. The man's defense lawyer comes on the podium and says he has a revelation to make.

"The victim is alive," the lawyer says, "I found him and he will enter this doorway right about now."

The court then turns their heads toward the door waiting ...

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